Gordon arrived home, it looked like Katie and Jonathon had done what they had been told to do, at least some good had come out of today he thought, he wandered into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on, then decided to see if he could find the others, he made his way upstairs and knocked on Jonathon's door
"Come in" said Jonathon
Gordon opened the door to find both Katie and Jonathon, sat on the bed with the case open
"Hi, dad" said Jonathon
"What's wrong" asked Katie, seeing the look on Gordon's face
"Nothing, I'm just going to make some lunch, do you want some" replied Gordon, not wanting to talk
"We, can do that" replied Jonathon, they both still felt really guilty
"How's Ash" asked Katie
"I don't know, I've not seen her" started Gordon, when he saw the looks on their faces he continued
"But she is with mum"
"So, why are you here" asked Katie puzzled, she could see how this was effecting her dad
"To, make sure all of you are alright" replied Gordon
"Why, wouldn't we be" asked Katie
Gordon now knew that they didn't realise what trouble they had caused and was hoping to keep it that way
"No reason, just wanted to make sure you were doing as you were told, where's Tom" replied Gordon
"We don't know" replied Jonathon
"What do you mean you don't know" replied Gordon, starting to get angry
"Well when you left we tidied up a bit, but Tom went back to bed, then when we left to meet you we left him still in bed, only when we got back he wasn't here" replied Katie
"Do you have any idea where he might be" asked Gordon, not worried more angry that he had done this again
"We had planned to play football on the green" replied Jonathon, Gordon knew that was not the case considering the weather
"Well, I will have to deal with him later" replied Gordon
"Right, let's make lunch" said Katie
"I'm just going to make a phone call" said Gordon, wanting to talk to Jill and check on Ash
They all made their way downstairs, Katie and Jonathon went into the kitchen, while Gordon stayed in the hallway, he picked up the phone and dialled the royal
"Do, you think Ash is really there" asked Katie opening the fridge
"Yeah I do, but something's up" replied Jonathon, grabbing the bread
"Hello, can I speak to Jill please" said Gordon
Meanwhile at the royal Jill and Ash had finished in the storeroom and were in the Kitchen making lunch
"Sorry Doctor there's a phone call for you" said Lizzie
"Okay thanks Lizzie, I'll take it in my office" replied Jill
"Sweetheart, I won't be long" said Jill to Ash
"Okay" replied Ash, she didn't want to be alone, knowing Sister was still here somewhere and that these phone calls could take a long time, Jill left them
"Hey, Ash how are you" asked Lizzie
"I'm fine, you" replied Ash
"I'm good, I was just going to go home for lunch, but have you seen that weather" replied Lizzie
"No, we've been stuck doing the stock take in the storeroom" replied Ash
Lizzie went to leave
"Well, we were just making lunch, you could always join us" added Ash
"If you don't mind" replied Lizzie
"No, please" replied Ash, pulling out a chair for Lizzie
Lizzie then started talking and didn't stop, Ash had stopped listening properly
Meanwhile Jill was in her office talking to Gordon
"How is she" asked Gordon
"Not good, she doesn't want to come home, and she doesn't trust us" replied Jill truthfully
"But she's still here, that's good" replied Gordon optimistically
"She's only here, because Sister showed up" replied Jill
"What's Sister got to do with it" asked Gordon, quietly he didn't want the others hearing
Jill told him where they had found Ash and what had happened with Sister, but she didn't tell him anything that Ash had said in the café, she had promised, and it wouldn't do any good Gordon knowing anyway
"So, where is she now" asked Gordon, hoping she was there so he could tell her how sorry he was
"She's having lunch in the staff kitchen, so how about the others" asked Jill, all she wanted was to be back with Ash, she never wanted to let her out of her sights again, she just wanted Ash to trust her more than anything
"Well Katie and Jonathon have done as they were told, although they are struggling with packing, it seems they don't have your touch" replied Gordon
"Well if they have tried, maybe I can help them later, and what about Tom" asked Jill
"There's no sign of him, apparently he went back to bed, and then we have no idea as he was gone before anyone else got home, they had planned to play football" replied Gordon, just then the front door opened
"It's alright, he's just walked through the door" added Gordon, he was about to tell him off, but Jill was talking to him
"Gordon, listen to me, don't kick off, make sure he dries off, he's warm has something to eat and drink and then spend the afternoon with him" said Jill
"But what" started Gordon
"No, buts, I'm here if anything happens I will call and you can come back in, but right now I think Tom needs you to spend time with him on his own" interrupted Jill
"I know you are right, but how can I condone his behaviour" replied Gordon, before Jill could answer
"Right mister, upstairs warm bath and change of clothes" said Gordon to Tom
"You know as well as I do, he is acting up to get your attention, it is what he always does, just don't be too hard on him, I have a feeling he is finding things really hard at the moment and spending time one on one with you could really help" replied Jill
"Dad, lunch is ready" shouted Katie
"Yes, you are right" replied Gordon to Jill
"Now, go and have your lunch, and I will see you later" replied Jill
"Okay, love you" replied Gordon
"Love you" replied Jill
Jill put the phone down and quickly made her way back to the kitchen, as she got near she could hear Lizzie jabbering on
"So, what have I missed" asked Jill as she entered the kitchen
"Ohh nothing much, I was telling Ash stories of what dad got up to when he was here" replied Lizzie
"Is everything alright" asked Lizzie
"Yes, everything is fine, thank you Lizzie, so what were you talking about" asked Jill
"I think I had better be getting back to work, I didn't realise where the time had gone" replied Lizzie
"Thank you, for a lovely lunch" said Lizzie
"Thank you for spending time with me" replied Ash, she actually was thankful, for once someone hadn't made it about her, she was just able to sit and listen
"Anytime" replied Lizzie, Jill sat down and waited until Lizzie had left
"So, that was dad" said Jill, Ash didn't say anything
"He's not coming back, he's busy trying to keep the others in check at home" added Jill
"Sorry" replied Ash
"You have nothing to be sorry for" replied Jill
"Yes, I do I should never have said those things earlier" replied Ash
"Ash listen to me, forget it, I know you were upset, and I should never have pushed you" replied Jill
"And" started Ash
"And, nothing" replied Jill, fearing what she was about to hear
Ash knew not to push it so changed the subject
"So, what do we need to do next" asked Ash
"We've got to finish the stock take, we will start on the wards, hopefully the nurses have started it for us" replied Jill
Ash got up and cleared the dishes
"Why don't you leave me to this and get on with work" said Ash
Jill didn't have to respond she just looked at her cast
"I can help, and we can have a little chat" said Sister from the doorway
"Why are you still here" asked Ash
"I was hoping to talk to you" replied Sister
"Here, let me do that" said Jill moving Ash away from the sink
"So, what do you want to talk about" asked Ash not sure why she wanted to talk now, she picked up the tea towel
"I was hoping to talk to you alone" replied Sister
"Whatever you have to say you can say in front of mum, cause I would tell her anyway" replied Ash picking up a cup and drying it
"It's alright, it will keep" replied Sister, getting up and leaving
"I wonder what that was about" asked Jill
"I don't know, and I don't really care" replied Ash
"Ash" said Jill warningly
"What, I'm fed up with her dictating what I can and can't do, and she can't even apologise for getting the wrong idea earlier, what would have happened if you hadn't been there as well" said Ash
Jill didn't know what to say to that, before she could answer they had finished the washing up
"I have enough going on without having to be someone else for her" added Ash
"Ash, what do you mean" asked Jill
"It, doesn't matter, I've caused enough trouble already, forget I said anything" replied Ash, wishing she could rewind time for the second time today
Meanwhile at the Ormerod house
Gordon was spending time with Tom; they had packed his bags and Tom was starting to open up to Gordon
"Dad, I'm sorry, I've been acting like a spoilt brat" said Tom
"Yes, you have but it hasn't been very easy with everything that's been going on, I should have been there for all of you more" replied Gordon
"No, I could have made it easier for you" replied Tom
"Where have you been today" asked Gordon
"I needed to apologise to Matron about yesterday, she didn't have to hear any of that, then we sat and had a chat, I didn't realise, or I didn't want to" said Tom
"Didn't realise what" asked Gordon
"What, Ash has been through, have we really nearly lost her twice and how hard it's been with sister" replied Tom
Gordon wondered what Matron had said to Tom to make him see
"But we haven't lost her or at least I hope not" replied Gordon
"What do you mean" asked Tom
"She told us somethings, which I told others to try and make it easier for her, we feel she is struggling more than she is letting on" replied Gordon
"What and now, cause you told them she's not talking to you" asked Tom
"Not talking, not listening, she ran away, but mum found her and now she doesn't want to come home" replied Gordon truthfully
"Dad" said Katie shocked
"Can, we come in" asked Jonathon, both of them feeling left out
Gordon looked to Tom; Tom nodded
Katie and Jonathon entered; Tom made space for them by putting his case on the floor
"Does anyone else want a drink" asked Jonathon
"Yes, that would be nice" replied Gordon
"Okay, I'll just go and make them" replied Jonathon, leaving
"So, what were we talking about" asked Katie
"About Ash earlier" replied Tom
"Yeah, I guess we never really helped with that" replied Katie
"Helped with what" asked Tom, just starting to piece it all together
"I haven't told him everything yet" replied Gordon
"Ohhh" replied Katie
"Don't leave me in the dark" replied Tom
"You have to promise not to tell Ash" replied Katie
Gordon gave her a warning look, but she didn't pay any attention
"Promise" replied Tom
"Well loud bangs make her scared" replied Katie
Tom looked to his dad, Katie wasn't really explaining this very well
"Whenever there is a loud bang, Ash jumps because there was a loud bang before she fell through the floor and blacked out" said Gordon
"Now, it makes sense" replied Tom
"So, now you see everything" replied Gordon
"Yes, but what are we going to do about it" asked Tom
"We are not going to do anything, I just wanted to ask you to keep the noise down" replied Gordon
"No, dad we have to do something, to prove we love her and that she is one of us, we have left her out a bit because she hasn't been allowed out of your sight and we didn't want to be around you all the time" replied Katie
"Well thanks, but like I said it's best just to leave her alone" said Gordon
"Katie didn't mean it like that, it's just we can have more fun on our own" replied Tom
"I know what she meant" replied Gordon
"What time is mum coming home" asked Tom
"She should be home for dinner" replied Gordon
"Right, well that gives us plenty of time to plan tonight" Said Katie
"What have I missed" asked Jonathon, carrying a tray of drinks
"We've decided to plan an evening for Ash tonight" said Tom
"I don't think that is such a good idea" replied Jonathon
"Of course, it is" replied Katie
"No, I would wait and if mum thinks okay we do it tomorrow" replied Jonathon
"What do you know, we don't" asked Katie
"Nothing" replied Jonathon
"I agree with Jonathon" said Gordon trying to diffuse an argument
"Okay, let's ask mum, but we can still plan" said Tom
"I still don't understand why we can't do it tonight" said Katie
"Think about every time we have been together, Ash has always walked away and wanted time on her own" said Jonathon
Stating things that no one else had noticed, he went into detail explaining what he had noticed and when, even Gordon had not noticed them all
Meanwhile at the royal
Jill and Ash had finished the stock take, Ash was waiting for Jill in her office, while Jill was seeing to a couple of patients with minor injuries
Rob knocked on the door
"Come in" said Ash, tentatively
"It's only me" said Rob
"If you are looking for mum, she's in casualty" said Ash
"No, I was actually looking for you" replied Rob
"What can I do for you" asked Ash
"I wanted to make sure you are okay" said Rob
"I'm fine" replied Ash
"Well, you know where I am if you need to talk" said Rob, not buying it for a second
"I'm not talking to anyone, here anymore" replied Ash
"Don't shut everyone out, especially your mum, she really cares about you" replied Rob
"I know, that's why I won't talk to her, I can't put her in that situation" replied Ash
"What situation" asked Rob
"I can't tell her and ask her to keep it secret from dad, so if I don't tell her then it saves her from all the heartache" replied Ash
"Would it be so bad to tell her" asked Rob
"No, I can't make her choose between us, it's not fair on her" replied Ash
"So, what are you going to do" asked Rob
"I'm going to ask my doctor, see if I can talk to someone" replied Ash
"Why, don't you give your mum the choice, I know she would always want the best for all of you" said Rob, Ash could feel that he wasn't going to drop it and she was starting to get frustrated
"How, many times the trust has gone, maybe in time, but I need someone I trust now" replied Ash
"Ash, don't do anything rash" said Rob
"Okay" said Ash
"Just promise to think about it, and if you need to talk your mum knows my number, or there is matron she is like everyone's agony aunt" replied Rob
"Yeah, but she might tell them what I have to say" replied Ash
"What, is that bad" asked Rob, concerned now
But before he could ask any more Jill came back
"Ohh, hello Rob" said Jill
"Hello doc, I was checking Ash was okay" said Rob
"Thank you" replied Jill, looking at Ash
"Honestly I'm fine, thank you" said Ash
"Well you know where I am if you need to talk, I'd better be going" said Rob, leaving the office
"What's that all about" asked Jill, more to herself, not expecting Ash to answer
"He was making sure I was okay, and trying to get me to trust talking to you, he really likes you" said Ash
"He cares about you too" replied Jill
"I just wish people would leave me alone" replied Ash
Jill knew what she meant it did feel a little suffocating at times there was always someone looking after her, she had never been left alone for more than half an hour without someone else turning up and asking questions
"Well, I've just got to finish writing these notes up then we can go home" said Jill
"No rush, I'm just going to stretch my legs, won't be long" replied Ash
"Okay, meet me back here when you're ready" said Jill, knowing Ash needed space, and to know that they trusted her
"I won't be long" replied Ash, getting up and leaving, she walked towards reception and sat in one of the seats, she put her heads in her hands, she felt she wanted to cry, but she didn't want to do it here, she just wanted these feelings to stop, maybe she should try writing them down, seeing as she couldn't tell anyone. She got up and grabbed the pad and pen that Lizzie always had behind the desk, near the phone, the first few pages had doddles on where Lizzie had gotten bored, she then sat at the table and started writing
Things have gotten out of hand, I know dad was only doing what he thought was right, but I trusted them, not to tell anyone else and what with my other thoughts about them being better off without me, maybe I was right, but would it be better if I was dead or if I ran away. If I ran away at least they would know I was out there somewhere and there is a chance I would come back, but they would always live searching, hoping I was just around the corner, or I could just give into these thoughts of killing myself, they would have the pain of losing me but they would get better with time, and at least my pain would stop but the trouble is either way, I end up hurting the people I care about most in the world. But if I stay then I end up hating myself even more and causing them more trouble, I can't live with this pain, but no one seems to understand that I need space and they think wrapping me up in cotton wool and not letting me out of their sight is going to make it all okay. When all it is doing is sending me mad.
Everyone keeps telling me to talk but how can I tell them all of this, I hate myself for causing all this trouble I've caused, I just wish I could make it all stop, but now I know what I must do, now I've just got to set things, so they don't blame themselves
"Ash, are you there" shouted Jill, leaning out of her room
Ash quickly ripped the piece of paper she folded it and put it in her jean pocket she then walked towards Jill's office
"Ash, are you alright, I know I said take your time, but we really must be getting home" said Jill, clearly worried
"Sorry, I didn't realise" started Ash, she had just seen the time, she had been gone for over an hour
"Let's get going" said Jill looking worriedly at Ash
Ash knew this so decided to change the subject
"So, did you get all your paperwork done" asked Ash
"Yes, I did, it's been a very productive day and I wouldn't have gotten it all done without your help so thank you" replied Jill picking up her bag and coat, Ash also grabbed her things and followed Jill out, she then waited for Jill to lock her door