A/N Hey kids! Have ya missed me? I've missed all of you something fierce. This chapter? It's a long one so you best get yourselves a frosty beverage right along with a big bowl of something delicious to snack on, cuz here we go!
00
Psst, Hey kids, yeah you. Yeah, it's me.
Whaddya mean where the hell I been? Where the hell you been?
Okay, okay, so I know I ain't been around but get honest boys n girls, you ain't been around either. It ain't like ya don't know where ta find me. C'mon now, every Wednesday night I'm right there in that very same spot. Perched high upon my stool, tightly clutching a brown bottle in my dainty little fist. My eyes are wide open and alert as I gaze upon the most beautiful sight ever created. The deliciousness that is the Dixon Brothers.
All ya gotta do is get offa your ass n c'mon down to the Mad Dawg. Any Wednesday night, that's where I'll be. I call Wednesday Happy Hour – the whole fuckin' day n night – Happy Hour. Mad Dawg's got the best Happy Hour of any fuckin' bar anywhere. No, don't be silly now, the drinks ain't free. And no, hell no, there ain't no free snacks, pfft, that's just crazy talk. Anyway that shit don't matter. Wednesday night is Happy Hour cuz that's when them Dixon brothers show up – with their ARMS, at the sleaziest little dive bar this side of, well anywhere. I swear I think the joint has grown a thick and nasty crust on it. And the smell. Oh lawd a'mighty, the smell. I've just about taken ta rubbin' a little a that mentholated stuff under my nose ta mask the powerful stench. However, that would undoubtedly affect the flavor of my beer. I can't be havin' that kids.
Anyhow, none a that matters one iota cuz shit boys n girls, anywhere them Brothers are is everywhere I wanna be.
So besides that an all, guess what? That's right, it ain't Wednesday. Now before ya get all shook an wanna know what the fuck I think I'm doin' now, lemme just explain. After all, ya know it ain't my goal ta upset and confuse ya. Although I do kinda dig shit like that, ya know, stirrin' the pot n all.
But yeah, this ain't like that.
It's just that, ya see, well it's the thing I come here ta tell ya about. It's the thing that caught hold of the man himself, our very own Little Boss, Big Man, Little Brother, Daryl Dixon. It all started on a Tuesday night whilst he was enjoyin' a delicious dinner with his Sweet Baby and little ol D.J.
Yep, sumthin' got said right there at the dinner table and it festered in him and it fermented, it simmered and then it boiled up, and by Wednesday night, well it oughta be ripe and ready ta explode.
But shit, I'm gettin' ahead a myself.
Now I don't want ya ta get all panic stricken. I know you was lookin' forward to a visit ta the Mad Dawg and a frosty brown bottle containin' the deliciousness that is an ice cold beer. I ain't takin' that away from ya boys n girls. Shit, I know I'm mean, but even I ain't that cruel. We'll get there further along in the story.
Anyway kids, boys n girls, ladies n gents, gender neutrals and lowlifes of every possible persuasion, description, socio-economic background and variety, if ya act proper there could even be, that's right, Jack Daniels.
Yeehaw and Shit Howdy!
Let's do this thing we like ta do…
00
It was Tuesday night. Tuesday. I told ya before and I'm here ta tell ya again, the only thing Tuesday ever had goin' for it is it ain't Monday.
So anyway, Daryl he'd taken the bike ta work that mornin', on accounta he wanted to, and that evenin' he came roarin' in the driveway an hour late. No, not because he decided ta celebrate Wednesday on Tuesday, sheesh, it was on accounta the Big Boss had looked at him all pitiful n asked, "Please just stay an extra hour Little Boss. I want to join that fantasy football league thing y'all are in. I just need you to explain to me one more time exactly how it works."
Pfft, talk about impossible. Daryl figured tryin' ta explain fantasy football to Big Boss was gonna be a lot like tryin' to explain Einstein's Theory to Merle. But whatever, it didn't matter cuz Big Boss slipped Little Boss a crisp Benjamin when he asked him. So yeah, Little Boss was gonna tell Big Boss one more time just how that fantasy football shit went.
Well a course he called Sweet Baby first and told her he'd be an hour late. He could swear that woman of his purred when she said, "Well alright Big Man, if that's what you have to do, but darn, I sure am missing you." Well fuck me, never had he talked so fast as he did Tuesday night explainin' fantasy football to Big Boss, usin' words like the man was D.J.'s age. Maybe even younger.
Anyway, now I forgot where I was.
Oh yeah, so Daryl screeches into the driveway and he practically flies offa that bike and he scurries into the Dixon Domicile. Sitting there on the livin' room floor is his pride and joy, D.J. His boy is playin' with the toy motorcycles his Daddy got him and Daddy could not be happier, he hates to see the kid on the gotdamn fuckin' tablet. So this causes Daddy ta have a big ol smile on when he says, "Hey D.J., Daddy's home, ain't ya excited?" D.J. looks at him and actually smiles, thoroughly warmin' his Daddy's heart. And his Daddy asks the boy, "Did ya miss me?" And the little fella says, "Yep, I missed ya." And now Daddy is feelin' all manner of special and his heart is all kinds of toasty, so he asks one more question, "How was your first day a preschool?" And the boy answers, "Good, I learned my phone number." Cool. By then the little fella had talked all he was gonna talk and he was back ta watchin' Teen Titans Go and playin' with the motorcycles.
That's okay too because his Daddy looked up and he could see her there, his Sweet Baby. She was standin' there at the stove, her back to him while she stirred him up a big pot a something delicious for his dinner. And damn, she looked ta be half-naked. The way it appeared was that all she was wearin' was an oversized t-shirt. But boys n girls (and all you other varieties too) our favorite jet engine mechanic knows it's always best ta thoroughly investigate such matters, just ta be sure. It's called fact checking kids.
He walked up behind her and I know ya know what he done next. Let's keep in mind, it was strictly for research purposes that his open palm started at about her knee and slid up the inside a her leg. Real, real slow like, while his lips was there next to her ear. Just maybe he took a little lick of her neck on his way ta that ear. Then, well a course, he had ta have a little nibble on that pretty lobe.
It was just about that time that his hand had reached the vicinity of Sweet Baby's Sweet Spot. Damn, it was covered with something, but just barely. So he whispered, "Hey Sweet Baby, your man is home. What's this here ya got on? I's thinkin' maybe you was naked under that shirt."
She was leaning back into him and she told him, "Don't be silly Big Man. That's my new bikini. D.J. and I went for a little swim after I picked him up from preschool. I just thought maybe I'd wait until later to shower because I had an idea, you know, just thinking maybe you could help me with that." And on those happy words Big Man's lips were sucking on Sweet Baby's neck and his finger had slipped inside those bikini bottoms and right there into Paradise.
That shit there? A man actin' that way? It can be mighty distracting when you are tryin' to prepare a delicious dinner for your family. And just who the fuck gives a rat's ass?
Shit I wouldn't.
Oh yeah, right, so anyway, shit, I got distracted for a minute by vivid thoughts. So anyway, Sweet Baby moaned and he whispered in her ear, "Shh Sweet Baby, ya don't want Little Man ta hear." She turned around in his arms and she whispered back, "I can't help myself, I've been so lonesome for you today, I want you, I need you Big Man."
Now some far lesser man mighta been thinkin' shit, just this mornin' before I went ta work I rolled her around that whole fuckin' bedroom, made her cum three times for crissake. Ain't she ever happy? She tryin' ta kill me or what? But not Big Man. He was right there with her, "I'ma give ya everythin' ya want Sweet Baby, twice, maybe three times, just as soon as Little Man's head hits the pillow." Hot damn.
In the meantime, they was having a little prelude, what ya call an appetizer, an hors d'oeuvre, a preview of coming attractions. Her little hand had slipped right down the front a his britches, right down to his southern hemisphere. When she felt what was there, well she moaned again. Meanwhile Big Man's finger was ticklin' her fancy real sweet an nice-like and he told her, "Got damn Sweet Baby you're makin' my dick as hard as my head." And fuck a duck, Sweet Baby she did not miss a beat, she whispered right back, "That's just how I like it."
Kids, it was hotter than a fucking firecracker in July in that kitchen when who should walk in? I think y'all know, it was the Little Man, "Mama, I'm hungry."
In all your life you never saw two people scramble faster or try harder ta look innocent. Sweet Baby had flipped herself in a full circle right back in front a the stove, "It's almost done Honey, just five more minutes." In the meantime Big Man was pushin' down the front a his jeans with one hand and yanking the refrig open with the other, "I sure could use a cold beer." Yeah, I bet.
They all sat down there to the dinner table and just the same as always Sweet Baby had outdone herself. Big Man was enjoying himself a big platter of chicken fried elk steak with mashed taters n country gravy, sweet corn and biscuits. D.J. was havin' the same, while Sweet Baby she was munchin' away on a big ol bowl a fresh leafs. That's when it happened, right then when everythin' was so damn perfect you knew sumthin' had ta go wrong. Sure enough, sumthin' did.
Daddy leaned over and he said ta Little Man, "Ain't we the luckiest boys in the whole world D.J.? Your Mama treats us like a couple a kings, don't she? Look here the way she feeds us. Ain't it special?"
Little ol D.J. smiled that precious smile of his and he looked at his Daddy with those big innocent blue eyes and he replied in his sweet little child's voice, "Yeah an goddamn she gots a rockin' hot body too."
It was like all the air had been sucked outta the room, maybe sucked outta the whole house, maybe sucked outta the whole damn county. I'm here ta tell ya my lovely children, the atmosphere was akin ta Mars. Big Man barely got that bite a steak swallowed and he hurried and washed it down with his entire bottle a beer. Sweet Baby? Well her mouth had dropped open at the same time she dropped her fork right in those leafs.
D.J. was the only one who did not seem ta realize the situation was catastrophic. He just kept enjoyin' his delicious dinner. He's a real good little eater that boy is. Well anyway, his Daddy looked at his Mama and he asked, "That ain't an expression I use. Where ya s'pose he heard that?" Okay, so there mighta been just the tiniest amount a steam comin' outta his ears. He wasn't accusin' Sweet Baby a anythin' mind ya, oh no gawd forbid, he learned better than that several chapters ago. You remember that one kids. Anyway, he just wanted ta know who D.J. mighta overheard say them words, ya know, so he could kill the mutherfucker.
And ya know, Sweet Baby she didn't know where it came from either, but it didn't matter cuz even if she woulda she wouldn't have had time ta answer cuz D.J. piped right up, "It was Albert's Daddy. He likes you Mama, he licked his lips and everythin'. He said ya look like a real tasty treat."
Kids. Do I even gotta tell ya? That delicious dinner was ruined.
Big Man pushed back from the table – it was like every beautiful fuckin' muscle in that man's entire body was twitchin' and flexin', them arms was tighter than a gnat's ass stretched across a rain barrel, and he barely got the words outta his mouth, "I gotta check sumthin' in the shed, be right back." She didn't argue, she didn't question. She knew he was a fucking mess, shit, if some kid's mama had talked about her Big Man that way she woulda been lookin' to kick some ass herself.
Daryl got out to the shed, he picked up that 10 pound hammer and he like ta break the work bench poundin' on it while every swear word that was ever invented, ever will be invented or has ever been spelled incorrectly poured outta his mouth, in a voice that was 20 decibels louder than usual. Do you get what I'm sayin' here? He was fuckin' pissed.
Cuz ya know really, who wouldn't be?
By the time he came back in D.J. was back in front a the T.V. and back ta playin' with the motorcycles. Sweet Baby had cleared everythin' from the table except Daryl's dinner plate and she was washin' up the dishes.
She sensed him walkin' toward her (she always' did, it's just 99.9% a the time she acts like she's got no idea, on accounta that would spoil the fun. Sheesh kids. Don't ya know?) This here that was goin' on though, this was a whole different ball a wax. She turned around, "I'm sorry Big Man, that was the first I'd heard any of that. I just, well I'll talk to D.J. about it and let him know it's not right that a man should talk about his Mama that way. I'm sorry." Oh fuck yes, like that was gonna appease the Big Man. pfft
He pulled her to him and he was holding her close. Well okay yeah, so he'd slipped her t-shirt up and his hand might have slipped down inside that impossibly tiny bikini bottom and just maybe, maybe, he was exploring her nether regions. But that's not all. He also whispered in her ear, "The guy ain't wrong, ya got the hottest fuckin' body in this or any other solar system, and there damn sure ain't no denyin' you're tasty, real tasty. But that don't give that lowlife-scumbag-motherfuckin'-sumbitch-needle-dicked-bug-fucker the right ta say it, 'specially not where our boy could hear."
"Ya do what ya gotta do here, I'll take D.J. in his room and explain things ta him man ta man." By the time he got all that said they was both pantin' heavy, on accounta his hand had never strayed from her nethers. But there was other important matters ta be taken care of and so he bravely drew away. He even managed a smile, he licked his lips and promised, "Soon Sweet Baby, an ya better take a vitamin."
Big Man and Little Man were in that bedroom for about 10 minutes, while in the meantime Sweet Baby had quickly downed a shot of Fireball and had eaten two of D.J.'s Flintstone gummi vitamins. Then Big Man called to his Sweet Baby, "D.J.'s ready for his bath Mama."
Sweet Baby got that little guy washed up and slicked up in record time, she even helped him put his PJs on and everythin'. Oh he knows how, he's four years old n all, but it takes too long and Sweet Baby didn't have that kind a time. She had a shower date with the Big Man and with the kind of mood he was in she was sure it was gonna be the best damn shower any two people ever did take.
But first it was story time. Now on any other given night story time is one a Daddy's very best favorite times a the day. He loves a good story. But this night his mind was in a different kind of place. The place where it was plannin' ta tell this Albert kid's no good dickweed of a dumbass shithead Dad all about the error of his ways, right before he killed his fuckin' ass.
That wasn't all he was thinkin' of either. First, right after the story, when D.J. drifted off into sleepy land, Daddy would make sure Sweet Baby had no doubt in her mind there was no man in this world, or any other world, who could ever love on her the way her Big Man could.
So yeah. Sounds good ta me. I like proof.
Oh yeah, so anyway, Little Man he made it to almost three quarters of the way through the story before crashing out. As soon as they heard those soft snores that's when Sweet Baby and Big Man, real quiet like, tiptoed outta the room, flipped the light off an softly shut Little Man's door.
Heavy passion ensued. Shit kids, they never even made it down the hallway to the bathroom. They were all hands, fingers, lips, all of it was all over each other and their gotdamn clothes was a flyin' off in every direction. And when their clothes had all been removed, that's when the naked caveman, aka Big Man, picked up his Sweet Baby. He threw her up over his shoulder, gave her a real, real friendly smack on her tight little lower cheek and promised most sincerely, "I'ma make ya scream tonight Sweet Baby."
Sounds good to me.
But yeah, so anyway.
He got her in that bathroom faster than you can say, "soap me up." He had water runinn' and he had hands and lips a roamin and they got in that sumbitch and they made damn and fuckin' sure that every single inch of each other was sparklin' clean – twice – just ta be certain. By that time they were both hotter than the devil's armpit, it was a damn miracle the water on their skin wasn't sizzlin'. Anyway, in his excited anticipation Big Man yanked the towel off the towel bar so hard the bar flew offa the wall right along with the towel. No big deal, he told her, "Don't worry Sweet Baby, I'll fix that." Truth be told, she wasn't one bit worried on accounta he was dryin' off Paradise when he said it. Who gives a flyin' fuck about the flyin' fuckin' towel bar? No one. That's who.
He was in that mode I mentioned earlier, his caveman mode, and also his provin' an important point mode. That important point being, no one could do her like he could do her; on accounta he loves his Sweet Baby more than he loves havin' air ta breath, beer ta drink and motorcycles ta ride. That's a lot.
So he grabbed her in a real friendly caveman-like manner, tossed her up over his shoulder again and said, "Lemme check on just how fuckin' tasty ya are Sweet Baby."
Sounds quite delightful, don't it?
He was gentle when he laid her down there on the bed though, he always is cuz ya know, Big Man he takes care a his Sweet Baby. He don't ever wanna hurt her. But damn, he was so fuckin' excited about the adventures ta come that he bounced his own self down so hard onto that sumbitchin' bed, I'll be damned, one a the legs broke right offa that wood frame – BOOM! It was the one holdin' up the right top end. I bet it was probably just weakened from all the gotdamn bouncin' around that fuckin' bed endures.
So anyway, real fast like, the whole gotdamn bed well it did a nosedive, dippin' to the right. Sweet Baby started to roll that way but Big Man thought faster and he had his arms around her waist and they slid off together. Lemme tell ya, Big Man was like a fuckin' prima ballerina. That's right, he managed ta spin himself completely around so that when they hit the deck she landed on top of him. Sweet Baby was safe n sound. phew
It was all good. Well except for the lamp there on the bed table. It wasn't on the bed table anymore. Big Man somehow managed ta flip his arm up and around that way, ya know, as he went ta wrap it around Sweet Baby, and BOOM! The lamp hit deck just the same as our lovebirds did. Speakin' of our lovebirds, now that they were on the floor Big Man quickly promised, "I'll fix the bed an get ya a new lamp, I promise Sweet Baby." Then his mouth was on her tittie and his fingers went ta ticklin' her fancy and truth was, Sweet Baby didn't give two shits if he broke everythin' in that whole entire gotdamn house. She was anticipatin' a real fine night with her Big Man. Furnishings were not required.
Ya know how these days everyone has this thing about gettin' rid of all their carpet and gettin' some kinda hard floors? Wood or tiles or even marble or painted concrete, shit like that? Yeah well, one night after havin' a particularly enjoyable time a fallin' off the bed and rollin' around on the floor, Big Man n Sweet Baby had themselves an adult beverage there in the livin' room. Sweet Baby mentioned gettin' the bedroom carpet ripped out and gettin' some new floorin', hardwood floorin'. That's when Big Man gently reminded her of the excellent possibility they could die from the falls they was in a habit a takin'. Sweet Baby saw his point. One week later she had that carpet pulled outta their room and she had worker bees over there puttin' in the thickest carpet pad money can buy. On top of that they laid down the softest, the plushiest carpet in the land. Even though it cost three arms and four legs Big Man did not object one tiny bit. I mean sure, they gotta get it cleaned like every other week but who gives a shit, that fuckin' carpet is a lifesaver.
But I digress.
So anyway, Big Man he is enjoyin' the hell outta Sweet Baby's sweet little titties. He is giving them his utmost love an affection. He's suckin', he's nibblin' and he's lickin', and not just those precious titties a hers. Big Man is nondiscriminatory, he shows equal love, affection and adoration ta every single inch of Sweet Baby's sweet body.
On accounta he loves her an whatnot.
Now Sweet Baby it so happens, feels the very same way about the Big Man's big muscular and yet lean body. That's right, she's doin' quite a bit a lickin', nibblin' and suckin' on that heavenly hunk of manhood. On accounta, Sweet Baby she loves her Big Man.
Now you gotta know, Sweet Baby has been convinced of it since that very first night they did the horizontal bop, Big Man is the finest piece of ass in this universe, but the Big Man still feels the need to prove to her she can't find better lovin' anywhere. So he goes about provin' hisself once again. He commences ta lickin', an nibblin' an suckin' his way down south and when he gets ta that delightful little mound he pauses long enough ta look up into her eyes, and with the deepest affection in his voice he tells her, "I'ma conduct a taste test a your sweet little pussy Sweet Baby."
She made no objection. (Seriously kids, who the fuck would?)
So now Big Man is gettin' all serious about this tastin' business. He is doin' a most thorough and fastidious job of it with his lips and his tongue, his nose even gets in on the action, just for some extra sensory delight, and maybe, maybe just a little tiny bit a his teeth. Not bitin' just lightly rubbin' n teasin' along Sweet Baby's southerly located lips.
Is it any wonder she is completely charmed by this man?
Her little hips start to rise and she is moanin' his name, which he happens to enjoy quite a lot, and then those hips are risin' faster and she's a squirmin'. He knows what Baby needs. He slips those fingers inta Paradise an his lips are sucking on that little Sweet Spot, you know the one, the little bump, the gateway to nirvana. Damn if Sweet Baby doesn't yell out, "Oh my gawd Big Man, yes, yes, oh my gawd." And when she comes hard he makes sure he tastes every bit of Sweet Baby's sweet nectar, whilst she is tryin' to make her recovery. When he is certain he has done a particularly fine cleanin' job he smiles at his woman and tells her, "Yep, real, real tasty. The tastiest Sweet Baby, never nuthin' finer." On accountta he's one sweet talkin' sumbitch the Big Man is.
I like that in a man.
Now this here thing they got between em? It ain't a one-sided love, not at all. Sweet Baby has sumthin' she wants ta prove to Big Man too. What that might be is, that there's only one man she ever wants ta have taste testin' Paradise, or puttin' his parts inside a her parts. That man bein', naturally, The Big Man hisself.
So she turns the tables on her lovin' husband. That's correct. She starts at his nose, which coincidentally smells a lot like parts a her, same as his lips, even his chin. Huh, imagine that. Well anyway, she just keeps on a kissin' and a lickin', and a nibblin' and a suckin' and workin' her way down to the Bad Boy she loves so much. She gets down there as far as the belly button region and she stops and she teases it with her tongue a little while her hand has ahold a that Bad Boy she loves. She's strokin' it and it's gettin' harder still and Sweet Baby is gettin' all kinds a hot.
That's when Big Man raises up his head and then his big strong hands reach up under her slim little arms, with no effort at all he pulls her to him so that they are blue eyes to blue eyes, and he smiles and he tells her, "Ya ain't gotta Sweet Baby, we can get right to it cuz I'm wantin' ya right now. I wanna feel what I tasted." (Sweet talk)
Now Little Miss Sweet Baby decides ta get all feisty and playful-like. She challenges her lovin' husband in a sassy little voice, "Oh yeah Big Man? Well for your information I am a strong and independent woman and I do what I want, and just maybe I want to taste you." And she quickly rolls right offa him and starts to scurry around on that ultra-plush carpet, on her hands and knees, gigglin' and eggin' him on, "You can't catch me."
Now if you don't know Big Man by now you never will. He enjoys a frisky challenge from Sweet Baby. By golly if he doesn't get hisself up on his hands n knees and commence ta chasin' her around. Oh sure, you gotta know he let's her win for a while, on account he is enjoyin' the hell outta watchin' Sweet Baby's sweet little ass scamper around the room, but there comes a time Big Man can hold out no longer. He needs Baby and he's sure he needs ta show her who the winner is.
There they be, the both of them on their hands n knees and he catches right up ta her, overpowers her, and he grabs a hold a her hips like they are a lifeline, and damn if he don't slip the Bad Boy right into Paradise. She squeals with delight and she even giggles, at first. But damn, Big Man means business and he is indeed showin' her just how strong and how deep his love for her goes. He's reaching his hands around and playin' with her sweet little titties whilst Bad Boy is rubbing right against the Sweet Spot, the one we talked about earlier, and I'll be damned if what he promised doesn't come ta pass. That's right, Sweet Baby has herself a screamin' orgasm right there on all fours.
Doncha know it makes the Big Man so fuckin' happy and proud when he causes that ta happen for his woman. He rolls them over and he rubs a hand there along Paradise and he says, "Your turn ta ride Sweet Baby."
This time she don't argue, she has no damn reason to, ridin' Bad Boy is her favorite sport. She's sittin' astride the Big Man and they're smilin' at each other and he's playin' with those titties, maybe pinchin' just a little. And then he slips his fingers there between the two of 'em, right there so they're touchin' on that Sweet Spot again and she is rockin' on him and he is raisin' his hips up ta meet hers, and she is gettin' all sorts of hot, wet and happy, and he asks her, "Who Baby? Who's your man?"
She's right on the edge a that third go an then she's comin' hard again when she cries out, "The only man, you Big Man, only you." Sweet Baby's the sweetest kids, she knows what the Big Man needs ta hear that night.
And again he rolls them over and he's lookin' down at his Sweet Baby lying there under him and still pantin' hard. He don't hold back, he can't, he's goin' hard and deep into paradise, and he's puttin' some powerful hip action in that play, and he starts ta let go and he calls out while he's comin', "Gotdamn Sweet Baby, so fuckin' tight n tasty." (Sweet Talk)
(Did anyone besides me notice the Big Man forgot to slip a raincoat on the Bad Boy?)
There they lay on the ultra-plush carpet feelin' all ultra-in love and ultra-spent, still though, Big Man is rubbing real soft and sweet there on Paradise and kissin' and nibblin' Sweet Baby's sweet little nipple and he tells her, "I love ya Sweet Baby. I always will."
And she tells him, "I love you Big Man. No man could ever make me feel like you make me feel."
Then he asks, "Does D.J. go ta school tomorrow?"
"No, it's just Tuesdays and Thursdays. Remember we agreed, we'd start slow?"
"Yeah, okay. Well I'll be takin' him ta school on Thursday."
She wasn't gonna argue, not right then.
00
Wednesday (aka Happy Hour)
The stinky little joint was packed and Barkeep was lookin' all manner of professional as he rubbed a half-dirty, half-dry rag over the bar top. I's sittin' there where I always am on a Wednesday, on my stool. My stool has the best view of the Dixon Brother's stools, that's why it's mine. Anyhow, I was lovingly holdin' the brown bottle, gettin' ready ta take a long pull, when in walked Young Dixon.
It was like you could feel the tension and the anger rollin' off that man. You'd have to be a complete idiot not ta see by lookin' at him, Big Man was pissed. If ya didn't see it before you'da known it when barkeep set that frosty brown bottle in front a the man and the man said, "And a double shot a jack, neat."
He had that double shot to his lips when Older Dixon come strokin' in an spotted his little brother in an obviously agitated state. Normally that would fill Big Brother with glee, but even he could tell this was a matter of the most serious kind. He walked over to his stool there at the bar, a mighty fine walk to observe I might add, and for once he just kinda lightly clapped his brother on the back and quietly asked (quiet for Merle Dixon), "Everythin' okay Little Brother?"
There was a general uneasiness among the patrons, the lowlifes, the miscreants, the malcontents, the barflies, the dirtbags, the scumbags, the shitheads, the shitbags and the nasty-assed shitwads. Them lowlifes were like a buncha synchronized drunks as slowly, and in unison, they dared to lift their brown bottles and quietly take a long hard pull of the frosty cold beverage; and not a shithead among em took their eyes off the Brothers Dixon.
"Fuck you Merle, does it look like everythin's okay ya dumbass?"
Oh yeah, this shit here? This shit was bad. (Just how we like our shit)
"Hey now little brother, ya better check yourself. I'm tryin' ta be your lovin' brother but don't piss me off or I'll knock your ass right inta next week." And a course, what was the rest of us ta do but take another calmin' swallow from our brown bottles.
The brothers were chest to chest and givin' each other that steel-eyed Dixon stare. I am here ta tell you my lovely children, you couldn't drive a gotdamn tank through the thick layer a tension at The Mad Dawg that Wednesday. A course there was also a lotta excitement oozing from the menagerie of lowlife's, miscreants, n'er do wells and common assholes. So much excitement in fact, Barkeep was runnin' around like a little headless chicken bringin' all of us a fresh and frosty one!
We was all waitin' with our brown bottles poised to our lips, just waitin' ta see which a the brothers would throw the first punch. Ya know, there ain't nuthin' finer in this world than watchin' them brothers brawlin'! I tell ya what kids, that's a sight that'll make ya break out in a sweat. Whoop!
So you can imagine our disappointment when Young Dixon turns back to the bar and says ta barkeep, "Double me up." Then he turns to his brother and says, "I can't be kickin' your ass tonight brother, I gotta send someone ta the hospital first thing tomorrow." On that he threw back the double shot then immediately drained the brown bottle.
We, the dumbass, no-good, malcontent, scumbag, douchebag and useless drunks were all watchin' and waitin' for what could possibly happen next.
Barkeep was already settin' Young Dixon back up, on accountta Barkeep is a professional and he knows when a man is there ta get his serious drink on. Meantime, Older Dixon actually wrapped an arm across his brother's shoulder and asked, "Fuck little brother, what the hell is goin' on?" Cuz I mean, ya gotta know kids, it was obvious the situation was grave.
Antenna went up, ears perked and twitched, and we all quickly took another swallow of the bubbly brew as we waited to hear the sordid details. Young Dixon did not disappoint as he told his brother what Little Ol' D.J. Dixon had overheard at school.
Now Big Brother, always one ta bring calm and reason ta every situation nods and says, "You're right Little Brother, ya gotta kill the mutherfucker." If only they were sellin' tickets ta the event, they coulda sold plenty right there in the Mad Dawg. I mean they coulda if the fight was gonna be held there at the bar. No way those lazy-assed, nose pickin', butt scratchin', lowlife dickwads was gettin' up early ta attend a fight at a preschool! Pfft. Get serious kids.
Young Dixon continued ta down those double shots with the beer backs until such time as he was havin' quite a bit a trouble tryin' ta stand. That's when his Big Brother, who had quit drinkin' after his second frosty beverage and called his own lovely bride Cindy and a course Sweet Baby and explained ta the both a them the situation, piled his brother in his pickup, drove his ass home ta his Sweet Baby, and deposited him on the livin' room couch.
Merle and Sweet Baby had a quick confab there in the livin' room and Merle hightailed it on home.
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Come way early mornin', or middle a the night however ya wanna look at it, Big Man and Sweet Baby was havin' a nice warm, relaxin' and hotter than fuck shower together, on accounta she insisted he have one before they did what they like doin', on accounta she told him he smelled like the Mad Dawg. Even he knew there was nuthin' sexy about that particular fragrance.
He was payin' very close attention ta carefully washin' her personal parts and apologizin' for bein' an asshole, gettin' shitfaced and not comin' right home ta her. But now, ya know, Sweet Baby she knows her big rough tough man is really a cream puff who cannot take the thought a anyone but hisself lustin' after her. She wasn't really mad, she was relieved his brother had been there ta watch over the big lovable dumbass.
So anyway, she didn't make him beg for forgiveness for too long, on accounta he was washin' her nethers and she got distracted.
After their exercise routine, and while he rested up for another half hour or so, Sweet Baby, kids she loves her Big Man, and she prepared his favorite breakfast, biscuits, eggs, sausage gravy and sausage links with a side a grits. Damn. Him an Little Ol' D.J. came walkin' into the kitchen all dressed for work and school and there it was. There was even a great big bottle a Gatorade for the Big Man, so he could get his electrolytes back in order after all that jack. They all sat down and enjoyed that lovely meal, except Sweet Baby enjoyed a small scoop a plain yogurt with blueberries.
She tried to head him off at the pass, "Why don't you let me go ahead and drive D.J. to school this morning? I'll have a talk with Albert's Daddy and set him on a straighter path. You don't need to worry about any of it."
"Nah, this is mine Sweet Baby and I'll handle it. I'll take the boy ta school. Whaddya think D.J., ya wanna ride ta school on the bike?"
Shit, a course the little fella did. pfft
Daddy got D.J.s motorcycle child seat on the big bike and he put on Little Man's helmet and his leather jacket and his matchin' gloves and reminded him. "It ain't a toy. Ya don't move them feet from them footrests, k?"
"Yes Daddy."
Sweet Baby kissed her boys goodbye, gave em a wave and they were gone. She ran in the house, grabbed her purse, jumped in her rig and she was off ta the school. She was gonna do everythin' she could ta intervene and keep her Big Man from gettin' hisself thrown in jail.
Merle he was already there at the school waitin'. He was there for two reasons. If the guy was a big ol mean sumbitch, he'd step in if he had to. If he wasn't, if it was a fair fight, well he wouldn't let Daryl quite kill the dickface. He didn't want little brother buckin' a murder charge. Ya know kids, Merle looks out for the boy n all.
Daryl pulled up ta the school on that big fuckin' blacked out bike. Did I mention he was wearin' his leather pants? His leather jacket? His big ass biker boots? He was lookin' intimidatin' as hell and hotter than a three peckered billy goat. Ya gotta know that was a sight ta behold there at the preschool.
He pulled the chin strap on the helmet loose, took it from his head and shook that impressive mane. Then he lifted little D.J. outta the child seat, took his helmet and his leathers off and said, "Lookin' good son. Which one a these here Daddy's is Albert's Daddy?"
D.J. was not a stupid child, and he was after all a Dixon, he knew sumthin' was up. So he pointed to the Daddy in question and answered, "That sumbitch right there Daddy."
"Good boy, but ya shouldn't say them kinda words, and don't ya never talk like that infronta your Mama son."
"Yessir Daddy." He is the best little boy in the world, ain't he kids?
Here's the situation though boys an girls. As it turns out Albert's Daddy is a bespectacled little pipsqueak. I mean he's the kinda guy if ya was ta kick his ass you'd feel like the biggest douchebag in town. I mean, ya know, it wouldn't be one bit satisfyin' cuz shit, D.J. could probably whoop him."
But still boys and girls, ya can't let the guy off the hook just cuz he's a nebbish. Right?
So Big Man does that walk, ya know that long stride with the pigeon toes and just enough swagger ta make ya…well nevermind, you know.
Anyway, he gets right up there ta the pipsqueak and Big Man's impressive leather clad chest is pressed right up ta the nebbish's starched Van Heusen middle-management-desk-jockey-shirt. The contrast was startling I tell ya, the pipsqueak is about ta squeak when Big Man asks, "Ya Albert's Dad?"
The fella just nods.
Big Man asks, in that voice that's like whiskey coated gravel, "Ya got a name?"
Perspiration is poppin' out all over the small man and he just barely gets the words out, "Milton Mamet."
"Yeah? Well my name's Daryl Dixon, and at my dinner table night before last I heard from my 4 year old boy that ya think my wife has a goddamn rockin' hot body. Is that right?"
Milton Mamet was in a panic, he could not speak and he could not deny, he simply nodded.
"Uh huh, I also hear from my son ya think his Mama looks like a real tasty treat. Is that so?"
Mamet swallowed so hard it was like he might swallow his own Adam's apple. This time he did manage ta choke out, "I'm sorry man, please don't hurt me."
"Ya don't want me ta hurt ya, huh? Well I got a news flash for ya, ya hurt me. I love my wife an I don't appreciate anyone disrespectin' that woman. When someone does, well Milton, it hurts me. What hurts worse is when my child hears his Mama talked about in such a way. That ain't good is it?"
Daryl still had his chest pressed right up ta the man and his face was just inches from the other man's face, and Milton Mamet said, "No sir, no. That's not right, I know it was wrong. Please accept my sincerest apology and I guarantee it won't ever happen again."
"Well Milton, I appreciate ya tryin' ta make this right so I'ma let ya show me an her both just how sorry ya are, how's that?"
"Yes okay, anything you want."
Daryl smiled and said, "Ya know my sweet wife, she don't think I'm aware, but she was worried about me. She thought I's comin' down here ta kill ya, an she was right. So now, if ya look over there ta the south corner you're gonna see my wife there in her Grand Cherokee. I'ma get my brother, who also thought I's gonna commit murder today, ta come over here an stand with our boys while you n me go talk ta my sweet wife. How's that?"
"Yes, yes of course." Daryl looked to the north corner where his brother was sittin' in his pickup truck, he stuck a thumb and a forefinger between his lips and whistled loudly. Merle came trottin' right over and Milton and the Big Man headed toward the Cherokee.
The small man made his apology ta Sweet Baby, then Daryl gave her a big hot, wet, deep tonsil ticklin' kiss, just ta prove a point. Then they walked back over ta where the boys were. "Now apologize ta my boy."
Milton did.
That wasn't all though.
As soon as the bell rang and all the little people were safely tucked away in their school there, Big Man asked Milton, "Ya know where the community food bank is, over on 15th street?"
"Yes, I've driven by there."
"Driven by huh? Well we're goin' over there now an this time you're gonna stop there. You an me, we ain't drivin' by, we're goin' in. You're gonna give the guy at the desk there a thousand bucks, cash, check, credit card, however ya wanna do it. I'ma give em the same. Ya see, my Sweet Baby has a real tender heart an that's her favorite charity. With Christmas comin' an all you're gonna feel real good about yourself for givin' ta the needy, aren't ya?"
"Yes, yessir I am."
"An you're always gonna remember that if ya ever talk about my Sweet Baby in such a way again, I will hang your ass from the flagpole at Small Angel's Preschool, right?"
"Yessir, you have my word, I never will again."
So that's what I come ta tell ya today kids. Boys and girls, ladies and gents, and everyone in between, I wish you all the Happiest of Holidays and I hope whatever you can give to those less fortunate than yourself, you'll do that. After all, when we give we receive. Right kids?
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A/N Thank you all so much for reading the longest chapter ever written of this crazy fic. I hope you'll leave a comment or review, and I hope you'll check out the chapter photo on my tumblr blogs, gneebee or bethylmethbrick. I'll try to make it back soon, but don't wait on me, get yourselves down to the Mad Dawg and have some Christmas Cheer! I love ya all in a real large way! xo gneebee