A/N: Hello, everyone. We're back with—

Sword: Babies! Cute, cuddly babies!

Uh, yes. Kind of. We had another idea for this story and with her birthday coming up, we decided to make this a gift for Avalon the Assassin since she likes Shadow. So without further ado, Shadow and all related material belong to Sega. The story, Sword, and Pen belong to me. Violet belongs to CandiCindy on Deviantart, whose drawing I also used for the way I described Florian's quills. Please do not use without permission.

Sword: Quick, Pen! Let's have a baby!

Pen: Not on your life.

Shadow the Sitter

"Tell me again why I can't go?" Shadow asked, cutting his eyes into the living room. Ruby rocked back and forth on the sofa, stomping her feet as she reached a game over screen again and called her character every mild insult that Rouge allowed.

"Because G.U.N. needs us to find this Chaos Emerald quick," she said, slipping on her boots. "And it'll be better since Knuckles and I are natural treasure hunters."

"Knuckles' in-built senses aside, I have a connection to them," he said.

"But you know me and jewels."

"I know," he said, listening to Ruby swear up a storm and let slip a foul word.

"Language!" Rouge yelled.

"Sorry, Mom!"

"That said," he continued, "three would be better. She could stay here by herself. She's old enough and the apartment will be fine. We have locks and a security alarm."

"Look, I'm sorry I couldn't get a sitter on short notice. But please, I would feel better if you stayed," she said, opening the door. It was a chilly night and she turned up her coat collar, bracing against the cold. "It's not hard."

Says you. "Let me just come."

He grabbed his own coat, but she raised a commanding finger and pointed at him. "Stay," she said with the same final tone she used when Ruby argued with her. He crossed his arms and she nodded. "I'll be back soon." She shut the door and left.

With a sigh, he set the alarm and plopped down in an easy chair, watching Ruby's game. It wasn't the first time he had been left alone with her, but he never enjoyed it. Not that Ruby was a bad kid. In fact, the more she grew, the more she reminded Shadow of her mother.

No, he didn't know what to do with her outside of watching her like any escort G.U.N. assigned him to. He didn't know how to interact with her in a natural way, including pretending he was talking to a mini-Rouge. Somehow, he always managed to "creep her out" in her own words, despite living here every other week with him and Rouge. Even more so when Rouge was out. He was either too quiet, too cold, too grumpy, or all three, and Rogue berated him every time, asking him to try harder.

And he did. Just like he did this time. When Ruby finally beat the frustrating level, she threw her hands and the controller up in the air, hovered a foot off the ground, and spun in a little dance, swinging her hips. "Oh, yeah! Who's the best? I'm the best!"

"Not bad," he said, offering a pained half-smile. That killed the mood as fast as Ruby fell back onto the sofa. Shadow cursed himself as Ruby picked up the controller and held it close to her chest, along with her arms and legs, trying not to make eye contact. He'd hear about this for sure.

"Uh, thanks," she muttered, surprising him. He eased a little and they settled back into the quiet routine from before. The room felt a little more comfortable. It wasn't the best, but it was a start.

Knock, knock, knock!

Shadow pushed off the sofa and checked the door's peephole, startled to find Sonic and Amy waiting outside. Faker.

The blue hedgehog pressed his eyes to the peephole. "Hellooooo? Anyone in there? Rouge?" Shadow swung open the door and leaned against the frame. "Oh, hey Shads."

He turned to Amy first and nodded a greeting. "Amy." Then glared at Sonic. "You." Florian whimpered in his father's arms. Quills that hung like bangs in front like his mother's, but stuck up in the rear in a mess, and eyes like his father's. He didn't know how to address that combination and ignored him.

Amy stepped up to speak, pulling the baby bag brimming with diapers and bottles higher on her shoulder. "Hey, Shadow. Is Rouge here?"

"She's out," he said. "Last minute mission."

"Oh," she said, frowning. "Uh, she was supposed to watch Florian tonight. Sonic was taking me out on a date. She didn't tell you?"

"No," he said.

"He made the reservations a couple months ago. Been planning this for a while. Even wore my best dress." She opened her coat, showing a rather slimming red dress, despite her pregnancy, and sashayed its flowing end.

"It's nice." They were casting funny looks his way and between each other. By then, Ruby had abandoned her game and joined him at the front door, pushing past Shadow.

"Hey, Sonic. Hey, Amy," she said. Then she reached up and poked Florian in his puffy belly. "Hey, Florian." He giggled and reached for her. "What are you two doing here?"

"Oh, your mom was going to watch Florian for us tonight so Sonic could take me out," Amy said. "But Shadow told us she left for a mission."

"Yeah, but we could watch him for you," she said.

Suddenly, Shadow deciphered the funny looks, now pointed at him. He almost blurted out the first words that came to mind. "Like. He—" But then remembered the younger company and cleared his throat. "I'm watching Ruby tonight."

"So?" the girl said. "He's alright. It's not hard watching him."

Mini-Rouge alright. Sonic was holding out his son to him and he had the urge to smack his rival. "He never gets to spend time with his Uncle Shads anyway. Isn't that right, Florian?"

The toddler stretched out a curious hand and slapped Shadow's nose. He shrieked and laughed, doing it again. "Unca Sads! Unca Sads!" He reached his stubby little fingers out for him, grunting to be held.

"See? He already likes you."

Shadow was about to kick Sonic off the balcony overlooking the parking lot, but two things stopped him. One was Ruby. She had that expression that told him if he did, this would be reported to Rouge first thing. The second was Amy. She all but begged him with her eyes, folding her hands on her stomach and swinging her dress around, albeit slow and anxious.

Besides that, if he agreed, maybe Ruby would rave about him to Rouge instead. That would be a preferable change. And Rouge should be back soon enough. With a heavy sigh, he reached out for Florian. He was lighter than the weight settling on his shoulders.

"Hey, thanks," Sonic said, slipping the bag over Shadow's head and about to clap his shoulder. He froze and retracted his hand as Shadow gave him an evil eye. "Uh, we'll be going."

Smart. He shut the door on them and stood in the foyer, holding Florian out at arm's length. Ruby watched him expectantly and Florian still reached for him. Or more specifically, his chest fur, grabbing clumps of it.

"I know he wears a diaper, but you don't hold him like he is one," Ruby said.

He bit down a reply and brought Florian to his chest. The toddler snatched larger handfuls of fur, jerking hard and sucking on it. Shadow alternated between gritting his teeth and suppressing shivers from the slimy tongue. He couldn't stay in the foyer the whole time. He figured he should find something for the three of them to do.

Florian raised his large head up to Shadow and whimpered. Oh, no. He powerwalked to the living room, sat down with the bag beside him, and rummaged through it. Stuffed animals, picture books, several wooden blocks. He picked out one of the latter and handed it to Florian. The toddler tried several times to take it before getting a good grasp and it settled him down.

Then Florian raised the block and clocked Shadow in the forehead with it. "Ow!" Florian giggled and did it again. "Stop, stop, stop!" Shadow threw the block on the floor and dumped out the rest of the toys. He set Florian down amongst them and rubbed the sore spot. "Play with those."

The phone rang and Ruby answered it. "Hello? Hey, Mom! How's the mission?"

"Give me the phone," he demanded. After a few quick words, she offered it and he snatched it from her hands. "Rouge. Florian is here."

"Oh, that's right," she said. "I completely forgot. Sorry."

"How soon until you're done?"

"Oh, we're already done. But Knuckles wanted to take me out to dinner somewhere. I think it's that upscale one on the north end of town. He's been a little nervous all night and—"

"No, I need you back here," he said, turning from Ruby. "I can't watch both of them all night."

"He's a little kid. And Ruby can help. She's great with Florian. You'll be fine. Got to go. Tell Ruby I love her."

"But," and she hung up on him. He jammed the receiver into the bridge of his nose, muttering to himself. Two kids all night. One he already had trouble getting along with and the other he knew nothing about. Great.

"Uh, you shouldn't let Florian get on the floor," Ruby said. "Mom doesn't."

"Why's that?" Shadow looked to where Florian was. Or had been. He choked on a foul word and jumped to his feet.

"He's fast, remember?"

He vaguely did. Quick on his feet and mischievous like his father. A bad mix. Shadow ran throughout the apartment. The bathroom? Nothing behind the toilet or in the shower. The bedrooms? Nobody under the beds. "Check the halls!" he told Ruby. He dashed to the kitchen, making sure Florian wasn't in any cupboards drinking bleach or drain cleaner or had crawled into the stove somehow. That would be the last thing he would want to hear from Rouge, already imagining it. "You poisoned/cooked the baby?!"

No sign of him. But before he panicked, Ruby shouted from her bedroom, "Found him!"

She sat on her bed, cradling Florian, who was holding a doll and waving it so fast that the doll's seams were giving up and his arm was a blur. "Where was he?" Shadow asked, taking him.

"In my closet," she said. "He loves digging out my old toys." In her corner closet, a pile of stuffed animals and old dolls had toppled over and spilled out the doorway. "He always comes here if Mom sets him down for a second. You can't really let him loose unless you have a harness."

Thanks for telling me, Sonic and Amy. He focused bad luck to them, particularly Sonic as Florian shuffled his legs rapidly against his chest, trying to crawl up his face. "Does your mom have a harness?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nope. But she's got a pen."

A few minutes later, he finished dragging the playpen out of the hall closet, knocking several blankets onto his head and dumping over a box of Christmas ornaments onto the floor, a few which he heard crunch underneath the playpen's legs,. He tossed the playpen into the middle of the living room and tore off the blankets on his head. "'You'll be fine,' she says. 'It's not hard.' Right."

While he steadied the playpen and started stretching it open, the doorbell rang. Grunting as he whacked one of the peg legs against his shin, Shadow jerked his head to the door. "Go get that." Ruby trotted off with Florian in her arms and it wasn't until Shadow had unfolded the pen and picked up a blanket to set down in it that he realized his fatal error. He had sent a young girl with baby in hand to answer a door late at night. He may as well have slapped a note on them reading "Kidnap us."

Dropping the blanket, he rushed to the door. Ruby was chatting with the visitor and it sounded like she knew them. And a baby was crying. Shadow checked Florian first, who shirked from him, and then the visitor.

There stood Tails, his fur ruffled and standing up at odd ends. His whole body, including his namesakes, almost dragged against the ground. He might have been prone too, if not for the wailing baby in his arms, whose name escaped Shadow. He blinked slowly through bloodshot eyes and bagged lids at Shadow. "Hey," he said in a raspy voice.

Shadow barely heard him over the baby's yelling and it was upsetting Florian. He ushered Ruby back in. "Take him to the pen," he said, then stepped outside, pulling the door to. "What do you want?" he asked over the baby's cries. He tried not to lean in to hear any replies, for the closer he got, the more piercing the baby was. Her voice dug into his ears and circled his brain already, searching for an opening to worm its way inside.

"Have you seen Sonic or Amy?" Tails asked, patting his baby's bottom and rocking her half-heartedly. A baby bag in his hand, smaller than Florian's, sat beside his feet.

"They're on a date."

"Oh, right," he said, smacking his forehead. "Is Rouge here?"

"She's on a mission."

"Knuckles?"

"The same."

"Who's watching Ruby and Florian?"

"I am," Shadow said.

Tails looked down at his daughter, up to Shadow, back into the night, Shadow, the baby, and repeated. He seemed to be on the verge of asking for something, but was undecided.

Finally, after the screams grew louder, he made a choice. "Cream and I haven't had a rest for two weeks," he said. "We barely get any sleep. She's been up with Violet all last night and all day. She's at home sleeping and I can't come back like this. It's not fair to her. I only got a couple hours sleep too." Shadow certainly believed that as Tails tried to shush the baby. But he was giving Shadow that same funny expression Sonic and Amy had and he already knew what the new father would ask. "Can you watch Violet? For only a while. I can come get her later."

There was no way Shadow could, or would, put up with a screaming nuisance and have a larger headache than he already did. But as he started to do so, he thought of Ruby, and to some extent Rouge, and what they would say if he shunned Tails. The boy was desperate and appeared like he was prepared to do anything for a "Yes."

Deflating, Shadow held out a hand. Tails cocked an eyebrow, puzzled, then realized it and his face glowed like a bulb that found a little more spark inside itself. "Really?"

Shadow's already massive frown deepened and he didn't say a word, just shook his arm once and held it out further. Tails carefully handed Violet over to him and thanked him nonstop. "I'll be back to get her soon. Thank you again." With that, he spun his namesakes and flew off into the night at a slow, leisurely pace.

Shadow grabbed Violet's bag, then opened the door and kicked it shut. He found Ruby waiting for him and she smiled. "You did the right thing," she said. He shot murderous daggers at her and she cowered underneath him. "I'll heat up her bottle," she said, digging through the bag and producing a small bottle of milk and a pacifier. She handed the latter to Shadow. "Try that."

He stuck the pacifier in her mouth, but she curled her lips at it, refusing to keep it in. He kept trying as he grabbed the phone and called Rouge a few times. She didn't answer, so he left a message and followed Ruby to the kitchen. She had dug out a pot from a cabinet, filled it with water, and set it on the stove to heat up with the bottle in the center.

"Where did you learn all this?" he asked.

"From Mom," she said. "She and Dad watch them sometimes. Usually Mom though. For some reason, Dad hardly gets to babysit. I don't know why."

I wonder, Shadow rolled his eyes, thinking to Knuckles's obsession with the Master Emerald. Then he pondered why he hadn't realized that Rouge did watch the other kids so often. Although he was usually away on missions.

"Done!" Ruby said, taking the bottle out. She let it cool a minute, handed it to Shadow, and he raised it to Violet's lips, trying to force it in. "Stop!" she yelled, snatching the bottle from him. "You have to test it."

"Test it?"

"Make sure it's not too hot," she said.

He took the bottle and felt it with the back of his hand. "No," she said. He took a swig and smacked his lips. It had an odd taste. She chuckled and shook her head. "You're hopeless."

He snorted and pushed the bottle into Violet's mouth. "And you're short." He smirked as she stuck out her tongue. Violet suckled on the bottle and leaned into his chest.

It actually felt nice. Dare he say, relaxing. Ruby watched him, swinging her arms back and forth, and he subconsciously moved his face closer to Violet's, meeting her large brown eyes. The only sound was her sluck, sluck on the bottle.

And just like that, the peace was shattered.

The doorbell rang. Violet scrunched up her lips and belted a loud, shrill cry. Florian joined in from the living room, yelling rather than crying. Shadow thrusted Violet into Ruby's arms and stomped to the door. What fresh misery is this?

He nearly tore the door off its hinges and scowled at Silver and Blaze, each with a baby in hand and a bag on Silver's arm. "Hey," Silver said, waving. "Is Rouge home?"

His eye twitched and he dug his fingers into the door. "That is a popular question tonight," he grounded out through his teeth. "She's out. Why?"

"We have a diplomat from another country that will be at the castle in an hour," Blaze said. "The nurse usually on duty is ill, as is her replacement. We haven't been able to reach Sonic, Amy, Tails, or Cream either and we need to hurry back."

The headache thudded against his skull like every knock on the door tonight as he saw that look on their faces. That. Look. The one that was about to upset whatever shred of balance he had left and would add to the cacophony of yelling inside. His vision tunneled on the two and he shoved the door open wide. It bounced off the door stopper and smacked him in the forehead.

"Sure!" he shouted, rubbing his head and sarcasm oozing from every letter. "Bring them in! What's a few more?" He swept a hand to the noise within.

Unfortunately, Silver didn't pick up on the tone like Blaze did. He set the twins in Shadow's arms, the bag at his feet, and lifted off the ground with Blaze in a teal glow. "Hey, thanks! We really appreciate this!" Then they were off, a translucent ball that winked out among the stars on the horizon.

This whole evening felt surreal, like some deranged nightmare. Shadow wanted to lay there on the porch for a minute. Maybe an hour. Contemplate on things and where this night had gone wrong. Perhaps he would wake up.

But Ruby opened the door and reality blasted him back with wails. "You forgot to burp her," she said, holding out Violet and a towel to him. He exchanged babies with her and draped the towel over his shoulder. He sat in the living room while Ruby tended to the others in the pen. The twin hedgehog and cat babbled in their own talk to Florian, who clapped his hands at the new visitors.

Shadow kept patting Violet's backside, yet she wouldn't stop. He held her out and poked her stomach, tapped it with the flat of his hand, and her cheeks puffed out. He put her back on his shoulder and she burped. But only when the wet sensation matted down his fur did he realize the dry diaper on his right shoulder. And Violet on his left.

He swore under his breath and as if on cue, one of the twins started to cry. He grabbed a few wipes, cleaned off Violet, and set her down in the pen while he cleaned the discolored mess out of his fur, muttering to himself.

"She won't stop crying," Ruby said, holding out the twin hedgehog. "I think you need to deal with it."

"Why?" he asked, throwing away the wipes. "What's—" he clamped his mouth shut, already tasting the odor. "Is that what I think it is?"

She was on the verge of giggling and pointed at the cat. "I think he did it too."

Shadow grabbed the twins' bag. "Watch them," he told Ruby. "And," he was at a loss for words. Feed them? Play with them? "Just watch them."

He set the twins on Rouge's bed and the bag beside them. He knew there were some towels in the closet to protect the sheets, but Rouge had left him with this duty tonight. He figured she deserved some payback. "Probably why she insisted I stay," he said, digging out clean diapers for each, wipes, and baby powder. "And why she was so quick to get out of here. We'll go bare then."

The hedgehog sniffled, a snot bubbled popping on her nose, and her brother was beginning to whine as well. He opened her diaper and held his breath. He quickly wiped her off and disposed of the trash. "At least it's you two, not Florian," he said, powdering her and putting on the new diaper. Changing the diaper of the son of his rival. That would be a low point. Although he probably jinxed himself by even thinking it.

He picked up the cat and the diaper immediately started to come down. He tore off the tape and stuck it back on again. Again it slipped. He did that several times until he ended up ripping the diaper to shreds. He grabbed the third and last spare diaper in the bag and put it on. It stayed and he held a warning finger up to her. "Don't go any more for the rest of the night." She sucked her fingers in response. He changed the cat's diaper with relative ease and his stayed on.

As he went back to the living room, he noticed the upturned playpen and Violet bundled on the sofa. He jumped and kicked the playpen right side-up and put the two inside it. "Do I have to tie you brats down?!" And where was Ruby? "Ruby!"

"In here!" she said from the kitchen.

Florian was darting in and out underneath the table, giving Ruby a run for her money. On the stove, the pot was boiling over. "I'm sorry!" she said, missing the hedgehog again. "I forgot to turn off the stove and when I went to do it, he got out!"

Shadow ignored her and turned off the stove, then reached for Florian. He dodged him and ran for the twins in the doorway. The twins. How? He couldn't think of that now. He snatched thin air instead of Florian and went for the twins. The cat grunted and suddenly, a small gust of wind knocked him backwards. Shadow fell into the stove, his elbow knocking the pot over. The hot water flew through the air like a shot, aiming for the hedgehog. Shadow's eyes widened and he kicked off the stove. Oh, no.

But the water changed direction from the baby hedgehog to the adult one. Oh, no. The blast of foamy water smacked Shadow square in the face and thousands of stinging knives seemed to drill into his pores, up his nose, and in his eyes. Then the knives rotated and sliced through fresh areas.

Shadow bellowed an incomprehensible string of curses and wrathful screams. He blinked his watery, bloodshot, and crazed eyes. "THAT IS IT!"

Everyone stopped in their tracks. Dead silence. He scooped up all the babies and one by one, they started crying in his ear. He didn't care. He dumped them all in the playpen, headed for Rouge's room, and slammed the door.

Shadow yelled himself hoarse into one of her pillows. Then he rummaged through her bedside table, pulled out a pistol, removed the safeties, and fired a whole clip into the pistol, reveling in the short high. But destroyed fluff did little to quench his anger and he fell flat onto the bed, ignoring the sounds outside.

After what felt the better part of an hour, he noticed that the babies had calmed down. He raised his head and spotted Ruby peeking on through the cracked door. He sighed and flipped over. "Come in."

She seemed unsure if she wanted to at first, but shuffled in. "I got Violet to sleep," she said. "The rest are playing." He nodded and buried his tired eyes in his hands. "You okay?" He didn't answer. "Uncle Shadow?"

"Just," he coughed, "trying to figure out what Maria would do."

"Who?"

He flopped down spread-eagled. "Someone I used to know."

She sat beside him. "A friend?"

"More than that," he said. "The only person I felt close to. Before your mom."

"And me?" He looked up at her. "It's just, you talk to me more than you normally talk to others. I thought that meant we were close."

He smirked. "I figured you were scared of me. That's what your Mom always says."

"I am," she said and his brief smile upturned, "but Mom says it's cause you're an intense person. And I haven't been too much lately." He gave a half-hearted laugh. "You're a pretty cool uncle after all."

He moved the pistol to his other side and her eyes followed it. "No, you can't shoot it."

She pouted for a moment. "Fine. But you still are. I like it when you babysit."

"You do?"

"Yeah. You're laid back, don't nag me like my parents, and, I don't know, it feels kind of fun," she said, shrugging.

"Even when it's a disaster?"

She bounced on the bed and stuck out her tongue. "Especially when it's a disaster. I wish you would do it more often." She slowed down, kicking her feet. "You're my favorite babysitter, but you're always away on missions."

He felt a simultaneous swell of pride and shame. She actually did want to spend time with him. "Doing a pretty poor job with them," he said. "Wish your mom was here. Or Maria. She was always good with this stuff." She would've known how to handle the babies and not only keep them calm, but have them view her as a second mother. She was that good.

"You're not doing too bad for your first time with all four," she said. "Mom and Dad tell me all the time they were stressed when I was a baby. Like how Dad once used dry fruit skins as a diaper when he ran out of them and it gave me a rash. Or how Mom left out some diamonds once for a second and I swallowed one."

He chuckled. "I remember that. She flew you to the hospital and they ended up arresting her once they found out the diamonds were stolen."

Ruby's jaw dropped to the floor. "For real?"

He groaned. "Uh, she probably didn't want you to know that."

"What happened?" She scooted closer. "You can tell me. Pleeease? I'll keep it a secret."

He considered it, figuring what more could it hurt? "Well, G.U.N. got her released after a few hours and she had to give back the diamonds once they fished out yours. But she told me something. Something she promised while in her cell."

"What?"

"That if she had to, she would've spent the next ten years in jail and returned every gem she ever stole if it meant you were alright." She looked down at her swinging feet, wearing a thoughtful set of pursed lips. "They care a lot about you. You're even starting to act like your mom."

She mock gasped and shoved him hard. "Am not!"

"Afraid so. You picked up on a lot of what she does and it helped. Thanks."

"Yeah, she knows a lot and I learned when babies want to be fed or changed. And I also use what my dad told me when I don't know what to do for them. 'Always read and assess your opponent and what their body tells you.'"

It was his turn for his mouth to hang open. "Your dad said that? Your dad?"

"Why does everyone always act like that?"

"It just seems," Smart? Wise? Unfitting for his normal fighting? "unlike him. Maybe he's changed." He gave her a genuine smile and received one in return. "Anyway, thanks again." He sensed he should do something more and ended up awkwardly patting her head.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, patting his quills playfully. "You're hopeless."

"And you're short," he said, measuring their heights with his hand. "Here," he pulled her up and led her to the living room. "Want to show me some more how your mom takes care of them?"

She beamed. "Alright."

Rouge arrived home well past midnight and entered the living room, expecting to find Shadow zonked out on the sofa. She was bursting to wake him up and tell him everything that happened tonight.

Indeed, she did find him snoring on the sofa, but scattered around him on the floor were books, toys, game cases, and the playpen with four sleeping babies in it. The television was on and a game paused. Dangling on Shadow's legs were two controllers and laying on his chest was Ruby, drooling with her mouth open wide.

Smiling, Rouge grabbed a blanket from the closet and covered them up. Shadow's hand snapped to her wrist, squeezing it tight, and although half-asleep, he delivered his best death stare. "I won't leave you alone like this again," she whispered. "But would you mind watching Ruby next weekend?" He relaxed and let go, which she took as a yes. "And Sonic and Amy might bring Florian over too—" the grip returned. "Kidding, kidding."

Once he was asleep again, she stroked her daughter's head and in the muted black light from the television, she admired the large diamond on her new ring. She could wait until tomorrow. For now, she was happy that her family was coming together.

A/N: Happy birthday, Avalon the Assassin! Hope you and everyone else liked it!

Sword: Pen! I want a baby!

Pen: No! Let go of me! Agh!

Please, let us know what you thought of this one. If you'll excuse me, I need to get the hose for these two.