Chapter 21: I can't understand you (Part 3)

(Hikigaya Hachiman POV)

Hachiman, for the love of god (which I guess he hates me), don't just bestowed the cold upon yourself in such idiotic way.

Ever since I made up my mind about how to confront Yukinoshita and Yuigahama during the time I was at Sanshokuin Household, I have been spending too much time in the bathtub doing nothing whenever I take a bath (almost an hour for each time).

As a result, I've pretty much screwed my health up.

And I really can't believe that Komachi of all people decided to call Hachiju for my aid.

So basically I'm being nursed by Hachiju right now.

Komachi's reason for calling Hachiju over and not either Yukinoshita or Yuigahama (which I couldn't help but thinking she could do anything other than giving me sweets while I'm unconscious without knowing that they will all go to Komachi's stomach afterward) is that it's not a good thing to show them how much of a loser I am more than it already is.

My dear niece, for the love of whatever, can you focus on increasing Komachi Points while not doing the same with Hachiman's Insulted Counts?

Jokes aside, thanks to Hachiju's treatment, I've gotten a lot better now.

However, I'm still not allowed to make many moves right now.

Why, you asked? Because Hachiju placed several needles all over my body like a voodoo doll.

I might not be compatible with science myself but definitely won't buy the fact that acupuncture is needed to heal the cold.

"Can I get all these needles removed already?" I asked.

"A few more seconds and you could go beyond your limit so deal with it." replied Hachiju.

"I have never asked for Zenkai Boosts, have I?" I said.

"Sure, you're definitely not asking for it. This is just purely an extra service." replied Hachiju.

Before I could say anything, Hachiju cut me off.

"At least I should lower the chance of you ending up screwing up yourself in the future while I'm at it. Just because there's no dog waiting for your rescue from a goddamn limousine lately doesn't mean your safety is guaranteed." said Hachiju as he removed the needles out of my legs carefully.

"Sorry for worrying you then." I said.

"It doesn't really sound convincing coming from a guy who did the social suicide as if it's the normal thing to do." retorted Hachiju as he continued removing the needles on my body.

"I don't want to hear that from you of all people." I retorted.

"Deal with it, especially when you're the first one among us to start doing such things." retorted Hachiju as he finished removing needles and smacked me in the head.

Hachiman Owned Count +1. Damn it.

Then I suddenly felt a hand patting on my head.

"Although it's a painful choice to cause a conflict between them, you have done the right thing by confirming their feelings even though it's forcefully." said Hachiju.

People tend to show their true colors when they encounter dire situations.

However, unlike Rumirumi's case, our situation is already in an extremely dire state to begin with.

Little did we know that the relationship between the three of us started to go in the direction of codependency due to the comfort we shared with each other and selfishly bestowed expectations on each other until Hachiju and Hassen showed up.

Fixing the expectation bestowing with expectation bestowing, that's what they have been doing since joining the club.

Suddenly, Hachiju's phone vibrated.

"How was it? That 'date of gratitude' of yours." asked Hachiju.

So it's Hassen, huh?

Oh right, Hassen went on a date with Yuigahama while pretending to be me today.

Since she gave me sweets when I was hospitalized, Hassen thought it was a good idea to return her favor with sweets as well, and honey toast which I owed her definitely fitting to be that sweet.

"Nah. Komachi won't let you bathe here, if you don't want to trouble Sumireko then buy some clothes and go to the nearest bathhouse." said Hachiju before he hung up.

"The hell is happening?" I asked.

"He managed to complete the mission somehow despite his identity getting busted afterward." said Hassen with slight irritation.

Wow, what a surprise. I guess she's really a Sobu High student after all.

"However, it's unexpected that she of all people manage to drop a bomb on him." said Hachiju.

Never mind. It's really not a wise thing to drop a bomb on him.

"He didn't kill her, right?" I asked, worriedly.

"He's not that inhumane, he just left her house normally and was hijacked by some jackass thugs which can't avoid dealing with them." replied Hachiju.

"Rather than 'avoid', 'resist' is more debatable." I commented.

"In order to not make a scene so he was trying his best to properly handle the situation, he said." said Hachiju.

'Properly' doesn't sound convincing at all when committed by the likes of Hassen, especially when he's not in a good mood.

"To put it in a nicer way, he made the situation more like a friendly treat by offering and taking all of them to the nearby maid café and treating them to the full course menu there while introducing them to the maids there and having them accompany those thugs to the heart's content. And while they're all accompanied, he dashed away while internally boasting about how clever and kind he is." said Hachiju.

"I don't think even Yuigahama would buy this farce at her first hearing, y'know?" I retorted.

And if she's actually buying that, I swear I must take her to the hospital at all cost.

If there's actually a maid café nearby, there's no way I'm not paying it a visi— never mind.

"There's many branches of 'Road' maid café out there whose famous full course menu is known as 'Terrorizing Amnesiac Ass-whooping' meal set. The branch Hassen took them to is serviced by Wall-chan, Pole-chan, Trash Bin-chan and Ground-chan which customers brought in by him usually are busy forming intimate relationships with them." said Hachiju.

Translation: He just pays those thugs beatings to the point they couldn't even move away from whatever they're currently in contact with.

Clever and kind, my untainted ass.

Who is he, Oga Tatsumi? Those thugs are lucky that Hassen doesn't do their laundry too.

Also, you love this wording game way too much, no wonder why Yukinoshita couldn't catch up with him in verbal war.

"So far so good, until he noticed that their horrible scent is rubbing on him and he's now as stink as a skunk." explained Hachiju.

For a clean freak like Hassen, that could be enough to make him go crazy. Poor him.

"At least it's better that he holds back coming straight here, otherwise who would know what kind of new germ or sickness he would bring for you as a souvenir unintentionally." said Hachiju.

I don't know if it's because Hassen is truly aware of that possibility or if it's just that I was saved by him being a clean freak, but I will thank him anyway.

After I finished the thought, I laughed wryly.

"Thinking of something stupid, aren't you?" asked Hachiju.

"I really can't deny that, can I?" I replied.

I made an appointment with Yukinoshita on Christmas Day but ended up getting ill so early.

And if either Yukinoshita or Yuigahama caught a cold because of me then it would be super hard for me to show my pretty-good-looking face to them.

Damn it. It was really not a big deal of the problem before. Who should I blame for me being sissy lately, I wonder?

"Whatever. Just doing your best getting over it. I honestly can't wait for the upcoming Christmas Day to come." said Hachiju with a light smirk.

Do I need to explain the meaning behind his speech?

Although I'm not that much of a huge fan for Christmas Day, I will hold back explaining that for the sake of all innocent Christmas fans out there.

And suddenly, I realized something that should have been realized a long time ago.

During Christmas Day, I would go hang out with Yukinoshita, right?

And the couple of corporate slaves are usually not around the house even on the said day, right?

Besides Komachi, everyone else probably was not at home on that day, right?

…

Alright. The first thing I have to do once I go to school is to contact Kawanami (or is it Kawaji? Argh, whatever!) to make sure that miserable bug won't lay its hands on Komachi. And while I'm at it, I will ask her to have that bug castra—Ack!?

"It seems like you aren't properly programmed, little brother. Well, unfortunately that also goes for me and Hassen as well." said Hachiju.

With that point knocking, I was put to sleep for a second time of the day.

(Hikigaya Hachiman POV Ended)

(Yukinoshita Haruno POV)

"You're really brave coming to me unarmed, Yukinoshita Haruno." said the guys with a mask.

The mastermind of the whole secret leak conflict that is spreading around Japan standing there with two of his accomplices (one monkey and one purple) is now talking to me.

"Actually, I have others tailing you guys and that's all their roles." I said as I approached him.

"Stop right there." said the monkey accomplice.

"We won't let you get closer to our master anymore than this." said the purple accomplice.

"Master, eh? Since when did you have such a hobby, Nobu-chan?" I asked.

As soon as I said that name, monkey and purple were ready to charge at me.

I was about to react but they stopped as their master stopped them himself.

"Eh? Why?" asked the monkey accomplice.

"Master?" asked the purple accomplice.

"Toukichirou, Ranmaru. We're already surrounded." said the masked mastermind as he pointed in the certain direction.

Tch. This guy. He even knows where Suzuki and others are hiding despite being under prepared for today's event.

"Also, the coup d'état is already done despite it's not all the way done. You've done a good job already, you two." said the masked mastermind.

"But Master. At this rate you're going to be given the death sentence!" said the one named Toukichirou.

"Toukichirou's right for once, Master. With my and Toukichirou's assistant, even with her minions, Yukinoshita Haruno won't be able to stop us so please reconsider." pleaded the one named Ranmaru.

Actually, he's not completely wrong. I came here without any intention of getting Nobu-chan and his accomplices captured like others think I was so other than Suzuki, the rest are unreliable.

Calling my actions asinine as you want because I really can't take all of these at face values.

"If you two can take care of all her minions right now then I might." said the masked mastermind.

After that, Toukichirou and Ranmaru went straight to Suzuki, left me alone with their master.

"I know I make you promise me a date but today's still not the promised day so how about put away that stupid mask of yours and practicing with me right here and now?" I asked.

And then he took off his mask and sighed, revealing the face of Tenma Nobunaga.

"Why do I feel like that sounds more like a command than a suggestion?" retorted Nobu-chan.

"Does it really matter? Especially when you take it just now." I said.

"So what now? The next thing you would suggest is that I will have to date you at the prison where Toukichirou and Ranmaru will be waiting ahead of me there?" retorted Nobu-chan.

"Let's get this straight. I. Am. Not. Some. Sort. Of. Officer." I retorted.

"Believe me when I said that you've never been one even in my wildest dream." retorted Nobu-chan.

"And not in my wildest dream either, that you would have turned against your beloved country." I said.

Good, I can get to the point.

"Thanks for having so much faith in me then, too bad that it might not help either of us anyway." said Nobu-chan.

"Maybe. But as I said, let's begin the practice. Start with communication practice." I said.

I approached him and performed a kabedon on him.

"What's your point of playing this unbelievable prank, Nobu-chan?" I asked.

Every single victim of the conflicts are the users of security systems from his company.

I used to think that whoever the culprits are, they're really formidable for being able to hack the best security systems in Japan as if they're playing with toy.

But after considering all the information Suzuki has gathered as well as my first encounter with the culprits, I gained a new assumption.

And when I sticked with that assumption, dots kept connecting.

First of all, the hackers are too skilled to be able to hack the systems without leaving any clues behind, it's as if the culprits are the creator of the systems themselves.

And that's when I suspected Nobu-chan and asked Suzuki to investigate him while I'm busy analyzing other possibilities.

It turned out that none of the oversea people had their involvement in the current conflict, unlike what Nobu-chan told me.

And when I encountered the culprits in fancy costumes for the first time and got spared, I gained another new clue.

Why are the culprits holding the weapon that was supposed to be used by Ichi-chan's bodyguard, Katsuie only?

And why did I think it's Nobu-chan and not Katsuie?

Because during the day I was on my way to Yukino-chan's apartment, I saw the masked mastermind and his gang appear at the same time as Katsuie eating with Ichi-chan at a nearby café so I removed him from the culprit candidate list.

"Answer me, Nobu-chan." I said.

Nobu-chan sighed and put on the serious, gloomy expression.

"I grieve for the state of people in Japan lately. With the spread of security systems, people who have their hands on them do nothing but misuse them for their own benefit over and over without any concern for others." said Nobu-chan as he turned his attention to his minions.

"So, you're trying to say that those two are somewhat victim to that and did all these for people like them, not because you want to save Japan?" I asked.

Nobu-chan shook his head.

"I can already see the black ships approaching us. Before Japan is trampled by the overseas, I must open everyone's eyes." replied Nobu-chan.

"So you hid yourself and chose to be the enemy of Japan yourself for the sake of that." I said.

There has to be a boundary to how far one could go with villain plays.

Although I am relieved that he's not going to overthrow Japan, I'm still worrying.

So the oversea is that much formidable.

"There's no telling when they will have the urge to do so but at this rate the possibility won't go down for sure. If this level of mess is too much for the current Japan then coup d'état will really be unavoidable." said Nobu-chan.

"Not as unavoidable as your destiny to be put in prison once any of your actions are known to the public, y'know?" I retorted.

"And we both should know that I don't give two cents about that consequence. However, I might regret a bit that Toukichirou and Ranmaru got dragged into my selfishness." said Nobu-chan.

And then, Suzuki and his partner came to us with the captured Toukichirou and Ranmaru.

"Don't be, Master." said Toukichirou.

"We've sworn our oath to you. There's no need for Master to regret any of this." said Ranmaru.

"We're sorry for getting captured, Master. But please let us follow you wherever you go." said Toukichirou.

"Well then, Yukinoshita Haruno-san. You heard him. I don't think you would spare Master for this but let us go with him." said Ranmaru.

Did you guys think you're in the situation where you can give others command or bargain?

Looks like Nobu-chan's lack of concern for his own situation rubbed off on these two as well, huh?

"Let's reboot some memory, shall we?" I said.

I smacked the heads of all three of them simultaneously.

"I. Am. Not. A. Part. Of. Any. God. Damn. Officer!" I said as I ordered Suzuki to set them free.

"Does that mean…" said Ranmaru.

"Of course I'm not joining you guys. However, it's not my job to take you to jail, it's the officers', so do your best not get arrested by them." I said.

"So we're now playing hide-and-seek all over again?" asked Toukichirou.

His minions don't have his intelligence rubbed off on them, I see.

"I know that it sounded suspicious coming from her but she really meant it wholeheartedly. However, knowing her, this probably isn't the end of it." said Nobu-chan.

"Hey, you said that, not me." I teased.

"There's no need for the delay, isn't it?" retorted Nobu-chan.

"Yep. And here's my condition. I won't sell you guys away in exchange for you two's assistance." I said to Toukichirou and Ranmaru.

How cute, they're glaring at me.

"During the upcoming Christmas Day, I will be dating your master so you two have to make sure my parents don't catch wind about it at any cost." I said.

"Is that all?" said Toukichirou and Ranmaru in disbelief.

"As well as not interfering with our date of course!" I added.

Toukichirou and Ranmaru confusingly nodded in agreement before saying something in unison.

"I don't understand you."

"I've told you two about that, haven't I? About the fact that she's inconceivab—Ow ow." said Nobu-chan but his ear was being pulled by me halfway.

"Have fun toying with me, Nobu-chan? Especially when you look like you're anticipating all of this." I said.

I'm not dumb enough to not know that he's planning to get exposed by me despite it took me really long to figure it out.

It's not that I have it hard, but it's hard to believe that this was the case.

"At least not the part where you would turn blind eyes on us is true." said Nobu-chan.

I head-locked him immediately, causing him to shock.

"Do you think I will let you escape from my grasp yet again?" I said.

Nobu-chan sighed and went silent.

Hey! What's with that reaction? You're the only one I act this way with so at least show some sign of responsibility, won't you?

"Is she really the daughter of one of the most important figures in Japan?" murmured Toukichirou.

"It's either she's not or there's something wrong with how the Yukinoshita raised their children." murmured Ranmaru.

"I. Can. Hear. You." I said in a singing voice that caused both of them to avert their eyes from me.

No need to fear that much, especially when I'm not mad at their opinions, in fact, even I question that myself sometimes.

"And one more thing, Nobu-chan." I said.

"What is it?" asked Nobu-chan.

"I don't think Ichi-chan is too weak to be chosen, y'know?" I said.

Toukichirou and Ranmaru gazed at their master with confusion.

Nobu-chan casted his gaze down.

"That's Yukinoshita Haruno for you, you're the first one to notice this." said Nobu-chan.

"Of course I would. Although yours and mine are probably not that alike, we both want the best for our sisters." I replied.

We're both the older siblings and were chosen by our own parents to be their successor over our little sisters.

But unlike me who chose to become one and let Yukino-chan get freedom which I don't have and jealous of her over it, Nobu-chan chose to damage his quality so that Ichi-chan would be considered more preferable to be chosen.

You're too worrywart, Nobu-chan.

But that goes for his little sister as well.

Ichi-chan told me that she took Nobu-chan's investigation results to help out Yukino-chan and others in handling Sanshokuin brothers on their own so I don't have to worry about my little sister and continue fulfilling Nobu-chan's request.

It's somewhat strange that she's doing me a favor out of nowhere which heavily indicates that she wanted me to return the favor in some way.

I didn't know what it was until I discovered Nobu-chan's prank.

Ichi-chan was well aware of the consequences of her brother's doing so she helped out Yukino-chan in hoping I would turn blind eyes on him.

Seriously, what would you siblings do if that kind of message doesn't reach me at all?

Although it's indeed interesting, it's absurd.

Honestly, I don't understand you guys.

(Yukinoshita Haruno POV Ended)

(Hikigaya Kosakura POV, Christmas Eve)

Today my daughter Komachi cooked a lot of dinner as if to celebrate Christmas Day despite it's a day earlier, not to mention that she's in a good mood too.

My husband, on the other hand, enjoyed the meal so much that he kept saying 'more please' like a broken record.

Hey, my dear husband Rei, she's our daughter, not your wife so please refrain yourself from creeping out everyone else.

The first one to finish the dinner first was Hachiman, my legitimate son but biological younger brother-in-law, and he's excused himself from us wordlessly.

Unsociable as always, huh?

However, unlike usual, Komachi doesn't subtract Hachiman points like always, in fact, she gave him 'Make sure you don't get too excited about tomorrow, Oji-chan!' instead, which the latter gave her 'Oi. Fix your phrasing next time' and waved her off.

"Seriously, what's his deal?" said Rei.

"I think it might've something to do with all these luxurious dinners, dear." I pointed out.

"Right. Today's dinner really reminds me of what you make when you're pregnant, dear." said Rei.

I honestly don't mean it that way, nor I want to know what my daughter-complex husband is going to do next.

"Komachi! Don't tell me you did it with HachiMhmgh?!" said Rei but got his mouth blocked halfway.

"You heard nothing, Komachi." I said, shut my husband's mouth even firmer.

But my husband shook heavily at my capture and his voice muffled.

And it's really annoying that I could figure out what he's been implying despite his muffled voice.

"I shouldn't have left the two of them alone together after all. I should have castrated him while I had a chance"

Good thing that I could stop all these lines from reaching Komachi's ears.

It's painful to admit it but there's no such thing like a healthy relationship coming from people whose last name is or was Hikigaya.

"Komachi. Could you explain what happens when we're not around?" I said as I suplexed my husband to ensure he would do nothing but listen.

"Meow?!" voiced Kamakura. Please forgive me for startle you.

"In a nutshell, it seems like Oji-chan got a girlfriend and he's going to hang out with her tomorrow." replied Komachi.

Suddenly, I regretted asking her that when my husband's around. And the fact that she's saying 'Oji-chan' in an affectionate way lately really make her answer sounded like a bomb to us.

"Komachi. I know that this joke seems to not get old but today's not April 1 so please be serious." I said.

Although she has three Oji-chans, I know which one she meant, especially when she treated the other two like the polluted air since her childhood.

And because of Komachi's vague answer, Rei is now fully charged and attempted to go for round goddamn two.

"Don't tell me that his girlfriend is yo—Ack?!" said Rei but being forced to stop halfway.

I have no choice but to suplex my dear husband for a second time.

Rei, I swear. If there's a round three of this then you're not going to get sleep in the bedroom for a week.

However, Komachi I know won't go this far for a joke, so that might be true except for Rei's delusional part about them both dating each other.

"So, if that's true then who's his girlfriend?" I asked.

"The president of the club he joined. For more information, please ask Oji-chan, mom." replied Komachi.

"It's not you, huh? I'm relieved." muffled Rei.

Oh yeah, you're still alive.

But wait, if Hachiman won't be in the house tomorrow and so Rei and I then...

"Komachi. You're going to be alone tomorrow?" I asked.

Well, it's not a bad thing if we take a break from working and stay with her on Christmas Day for once like when she was little, especially when Hachiman won't be around to accompany her.

"Maybe. But maybe Komachi can hang out at Taishi-kun house tom—" said Komachi.

"WHAT?! HANG OUT AT BOY'S HOUSE?! DADDY WON'T ALLOW THAT!" said my undead husband.

Alright, screw this. I'm out.

(Hikigaya Kosakura POV Ended)

A/N: Chapter 21 for you readers, please enjoy.