Chapter 23: Problem children's Christmas

(Hikigaya Hachiman POV)

Look what we have here, a helicopter sister with her pilot.

"Nee-san." said Yukinoshita.

"Check this out, Yukino-chan. This is Tenma Nobunaga, my boyfriend." said Haruno-san.

So this is Hachiju's ex-employer and Oichi's big brother. He actually did give off the same vibe as his little sister.

"What's this? Hachiju-kun? Or is it Hassen-kun? Never took you to be found hanging out like this." asked Tenma-san.

"Those two you've mentioned are actually my cousins, Tenma-san. By the way, nice to meet you." I replied.

"For real? That sounds surreal to me." said Tenma-san.

After that, Yukinoshita siblings started inspecting me (especially my face) curiously.

Someone please help me.

Then another couple showed up.

"Whoa, Hikitani-kun. So bold." said Tobe.

I'm going to kill you, Tobe.

"My Haya x Hachi ship just sank into the bottom of the sea." said Ebina, downed to her knees.

May it never float up anymore, that rotten junk of a ship.

And then another couple (of people) showed up.

"Would Tobe x Ebina ship follow it? Especially when you got your wish granted." said Hassen.

"D-Don't listen to him, Hina-chan." said Yuigahama.

Yuigahama, it's too late to say that.

"Haruno-san. Even Yukinoshita-san is here." said Shiromeguri-senpai.

"The one with Yukinoshita-san, is he the real Hachiman?" asked Totsuka.

Now even my angel boy is here.

"Good question. How about having this junior sniffing the fake ones out of the real for you?" suggested Hachiju.

"Can't you just tell him straightly instead of bringing that up, Senpai?" whined Iroha.

Do you guys have fun showing up one after another?

What the hell is this? A meeting between six couples or what?

"Pfft…! Look! Look! Nobu-chan! What a marvelous and interesting coincidence!" said Haruno-san.

"What did you expect to happen that would sound marvelous and interesting to you anyway?" asked Tenma-san.

I'm curious about that too. Did she think that now we have six couples gathered here and if one more couple showed up and everyone shouted 'Merry Christmas' together then 'Santa Claus' would be summoned to give us presents or something? Or is it that she thought she could turn one couple into a riajuu god couple by having the other five couples pour their riajuu hearts into that one?

Well, neither of the cases could work even if they're real since there's one or two pairs of boy and girl that couldn't be counted as a couple with ro— oh, that's her point, huh?

Tobe and Ebina-san are the first pair to go into Destinyland.

As Totsuka was about to follow the first pair, Shiromeguri-senpai turned toward Hachiju.

"Miki-kun. Now that we no longer have our future tied to each other so leave my parents alone." said Shiromeguri-senpai.

I facepalmed at her which probably caused the attention of Yukinoshita again.

"What's wrong, Hikigaya-kun?" asked Yukinoshita.

"She's really done it. I wouldn't bring that up if I was her." I muttered.

Yukinoshita's eyes shifted from me to Shiromeguri-senpai.

"You're saying like I would do something to them if our future was still tied." said Hachiju.

"Of course you are. Just because I can't find the evidence doesn't mean you're innocent, especially when I overheard you." said Shiromeguri-senpai.

I begged you, Shiromeguri-senpai. Stop pushing Yukinoshita's curiosity button. Her glaring is too intense for me.

"Evidence, huh? You're still at it, I see." said Hachiju as he pulled out three syringes out of his pocket, much to everyone's bewilderment.

You even prepared those?!

"You…! That…!" said Shiromeguri-senpai, scared while pointing her index finger at the syringes.

"Looking for these, weren't you?" asked Hachiju.

"For real?" said Haruno-san, trembling.

While everyone was still stuck in their bewilderment, Hachiju threw one of the syringes to me and another one to Hassen.

(Sigh) Alright, fine. I know what to do.

I broke it into two pieces and ate one of them while handing another one to Yukinoshita.

"Hikigaya-kun?!" asked Yukinoshita.

Everyone besides me, Hachiju and Hassen, dumbfounded at me.

"Cookie and milk flavoured for Christmas." said Hachiju.

"Super tasty for the leftover sweet, don't you think?" said Hassen.

"Your sister's crush sure is a lucky guy." I said.

Yukinoshita and Yuigahama somehow narrowed their eyes on me.

"I'm not her crush so stop giving me that look!" I said.

Yukinoshita stopped her glare and inspected the half syringe I gave to her.

"Amazing. I might have a hard time making this myself. *Ugh* it's also undeniably delicious." said Yukinoshita as she took a bite of it.

Hachiju and Hassen then did the same thing as me and handed their one half to Isshiki and Yuigahama.

"I wish I could make this…" muttered Yuigahama.

"Is your little sister a pro baker or something?!" muttered Isshiki.

"Well then, Shiromeguri-san. What possibly could I do to your parents with these sweets, I wonder?" asked Hachiju.

Shiromeguri-senpai just standing there, speechless, as if she was petrified.

Well, who could blame her? She's certain that the syringes we ate recently were the same one she was shown to as evidence for their schemes and now turned out to be sweets of all things all along, of course it's a bad joke to her.

"Maybe it's diabetes that she feared." said Hassen, covering his small laughter.

"That's enough, you two. Don't bully her more than this." said Totsuka.

I flinched. One of many things I'm definitely not getting used to is Totsuka's angry face.

"I believe all we've done to her so far since we got here was none other than fixing her misunderstandings, y'know?" said Hachiju.

Which you're the one who trapped her into it?

"There's no way I could misunderstand things. I swore I heard you say 'I'll have this special made amnesia drug injected into her parents' and 'Although it's obvious that there's no way the target won't die, it can't be helped, I guess'." said Shiromeguri-senpai.

The glares of disbelief are directed to Hachiju.

"And I'm glad you didn't miss any of that back then. Otherwise this day won't come." said Hachiju.

There's so many question marks floating above our heads right now.

Of course. Normally, it's not something to be glad about to begin with.

"What's the meaning of this, Hikigaya-kun?" asked Yukinoshita.

Thanks to that, I gained more and more attention.

Can't be helped then.

"Hachiju knew from the start that Shiromeguri-senpai eavesdropped on him so he purposely said all that misleading shit out loud." I said.

"Eh? EHHHH?!"

Ow, my ears.

"There's no way he would prepare such things like that beforehand during that day since he got dragged there unprepared by his parents. Also, for a cautious guy Hachiju is, if he really meant it, do you think he would discuss such things out loud despite knowing that his target and her family are still in the same place as him?" I said.

"But even if that's true, how can he know that she was eavesdropping on him?" asked Yukinoshita.

I slowly pointed my right index finger up to the sky, making sure everyone's eyes followed it.

"P-Parrots?" said Totsuka.

Yep. They're both flying above their owners specifically all the time, and now they landed on their owner's shoulder.

But for today, they also served as hints for Yukinoshita and Yuigahama for picking out the real Hikigaya Hachiman, unfortunately neither of them noticed that and went with lucky guesses.

"That's right. These pet parrots always serve as Hachiju and Hassen's hidden eyes. Whenever they're not together with their owners, I recommend you're not taking anything you've heard from eavesdropping them at heart." I said.

Especially when it's the smartass general Hachiju we're talking about, remember how he phrased how Hassen's dealing with the thugs?

"How can I not take it at heart, especially when my parents' lives are involved?" said Shiromeguri-senpai.

The only problem is your parents' lives aren't involved to begin with. It's just Hachiju phrasing things in a way that is too scary to make you think straight or even doubt for a moment whether he's joking or not.

"Once a birdbrain, always a birdbrain." said Hachiju as if he was fed up.

"Huh?" said Shiromeguri-senpai.

"Look back at what you have heard carefully. Have I ever said there's no way they won't die from the drugs?" said Hachiju.

"Isn't that an unspoken line?" said Shiromeguri-senpai.

"Senpai. Unspoken line is different from personal opinion, especially in this case." I said.

Most people would believe rumors and misunderstandings right away without having a second thought or considering whether they're true or not and spreading them without caring whether those information will ruin any innocent people or not.

Convinced that people love to be this way so much, Hachiju usually get things done that way with others.

"To put it as simply as possible, people can't live forever so it's a fact that there's no way they won't die, isn't it? So there's nothing you need to worry about to begin with, but if you're still worried then feel free to ask Santa or pray to gods to forever prevent their deaths from happening, but spoilers, they won't be listening." said Hachiju.

It's a sad truth that no one wants to be reminded of.

"So it was a joke all along?" said Shiromeguri-senpai.

Then she approached Hachiju and slapped him in the face while he's expressionlessly rubbing it.

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TROUBLE I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE HELLISH DAYS THANKS TO YOUR HORRIBLE JOKE?!" shouted Shiromeguri-senpai with teary eyes.

"We both had the same objective back then. But since you couldn't do it your way, I had no choice but to do it my way." said Hachiju with the expression that said 'that sounds like it's not my problem'.

"There's more than one way to drill the feelings of not consent to something into people's head and you just picked up the cruel one, huh?" muttered Tenma-san.

If negotiations fail, then use ultimatums, huh? That's so damn scary.

"You… You…" said Shiromeguri-senpai as her eyes started to turn red.

"Forced contract broken, Relationship with the hated one is cut, parents' lives are safe and getting yourself a boyfriend. That's the Christmas present I will give you, Shiromeguri-senpai, please enjoy them to your heart's content. Let's go, Iroha." said Hachiju as he headed inside Destinyland.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Santa where people wanted to punch him in the face the most was born.

Shiromeguri-senpai was completely petrified over that. She definitely has mixed feelings.

After all, her long-awaited wishes were undeniably granted by neither gods nor Santa Clause but the boy she hated the most.

"W-Wait. Why so sudden?" said Isshiki as she followed him.

Your boyfriend is an unsociable jerk, remember?

"Too bad that the person who I gave away the similar Christmas present didn't give me a chance to inform her about it but whatever." said Hassen.

Correction: Ladies and gentlemen, the pair of Santas where people wanted to punch them in the face the most were born.

That part of them hardly changed, whatever they did to girls, they couldn't avoid making girls hate or mad at them in return.

"Nee-san? What's the matter? " asked Yukinoshita.

"It seems like I got a terrible case of stomach ache all of sudden so please excuse me." said Haruno-san.

She said she has a stomach ache but why does she cover her mouth?

However, there's something I need to do first.

I approached Shiromeguri-senpai and Totsuka and bowed at them.

"I know that this is probably pointless at this point but I apologized for what Hachiju did to you two even though today was supposed to be your memorable fun Christmas." I said.

"I'm sorry for what Hassen did to you these past days and what I did days ago. I know it's pointless but let me say it." I said to Yuigahama with a bow.

And then I turned to Yukinoshita.

"I don't know where to start to apologize to you for many things that troubled you mentally these past days but I will try my best to make up for it during this Christmas. So, what do you think, Yukinoshita?" I asked.

After I finished that, my cheek hurt like hell and I almost lost my balance.

Yukinoshita slapped me, much to everyone's surprise.

"Consider that slap as you already make up for everything by accepting it. However, I'm not going home empty-handed. You make me come all the way here so I'll make sure you take responsibility. If you're not knowing how to start then begin with taking me to visit Pan-san as you promise." demanded Yukinoshita as she offered her hand to me.

"S-Sure." I replied while taking her hand.

So soft and warm.

Wait. What the heck am I? A fragile woman?

And then I walked (or should I say I was dragged) into Destinyland with Yukinoshita taking the lead.

However, her dominant role of leading wouldn't take long as her problem with direction started to reveal itself and I have to correct it so all that's left is her still being dominant about spawning insults (which I deserved about half of them).

At least she's still not going as far as to make the thought of 'don't make me call those two here' cross my mind.

Even though we're mostly visiting Pan-san related places, it's not half-bad spending time with her, especially when she displays more of how she used to be before meeting those two, which I have to admit I miss that pretty much.

However, the fact that it went quite smoothly thanks to Hachiju and Hassen's consideration.

In order to not ruin Yukinoshita's mood, they have their pet parrots reporting them if we're in the direction where Yukinoshita would visit and leave the place before Yukinoshita spotted them.

Not being there is Hachiju and Hassen's brand of consideration. Yes, they can be considerate if they're in the mood to do so.

To be honest, nothing other than an image of bloodbath crossed my mind when I thought about what would happen if she and those two visited wherever Pan-san showed up.

That's how bad the combination of Yukinoshita's obsession of Pan-san and those two's incomprehension of Pan-san is.

Then I felt someone tapping on my shoulder.

"Hikigaya-kun. Which one do you think is the cutest?" asked Yukinoshita, holding a bunch of Pan-san dolls affectionately.

Do I know of a creature this cute besides Totsuka and Komachi before?

"Hikideaf-kun. Stop staring at me like a pervert and answer my question already." demanded Yukinoshita.

This is bad, her mood is worsened.

And it would be way too half-ass to fix the mood if I said they're equally cute.

"O-Oh yeah. I think the big one is the cutest." I replied.

Mouth! Are you freaking insane?! All those dolls are the same size!

"The big one?" said Yukinoshita while brinked her eyes in confusion and started inspecting the size of the dolls she held.

You can't find it among them since I was referring to the big one that is currently holding the small ones in front of me as if it was a mother holding her babies.

Alright. Where am I? Oh yeah. While she's still confused I have to make a quick pick. Which one is the cutest, brain?

"But come to think of it, bigger Pan-san also sounds lovely in its own way. It seems you can say something good once in a while after all." said Yukinoshita as she rubbed her right cheek with one of the Pan-san dolls affectionately.

I was saved, right?

By the way, the sight of Yukinoshita being like this is quite priceless to whoever that is her boyfriend, which I have yet to be and doubt I could.

Yeah, calling me a mood killer all you want but I can't take things half-heartedly for today.

Don't forget that as a loner champion such as myself, romance just never been my forte.

That's why, unless I visited him, I can't say I made the right decision.

But don't get me wrong, I've never said he's good at romance even once, but his opinion is the most debatable despite him being too talkative for a man of his age.

Suddenly, my eyes spotted a familiar shape of shadow and familiar scent.

"Yukinoshita. I think we should hurry up." I said.

"Why?" said Yukinoshita with the eyes that said 'I'm just starting to get comfortable, how dare you interrupt me?'.

"Then you're fine with having Haruno-san continue filming your reaction?" I asked, pointing my finger behind me.

Yep. She's behind me, although I'm not sure about the filming part, but I'm certain that she definitely memorized all of Yukinoshita's actions for quite a while.

Guess what happened next? After she noticed her sister's smug face, Yukinoshita made a quick decision about which one she would buy and then stuffed her entire reddened face into the Pan-san doll she bought while getting herself out of the store without uttering any words.

In the end, Haruno-san, her boyfriend and I have to comfort her all the way for a freakin' half an hour as if we're the repented bullies who tried to reconcile with their victims.

"Really, Hikigaya-kun. You should have done that from the start." said Haruno-san.

"And whose fault is it that she's like this to begin with?!" I retorted.

Although dating is supposed to be two people spending time with each other and having fun, how is this person even thinking that dragging her boyfriend to stalk her sister and having fun watching her rare side could fall into that category?

Also, do that from the beginning? As if! Patting her head and meowing at her are absolutely something that I would hesitate to do even if my neck was choked! If it weren't for Tenma-san quietly suggest he'd covered for me as an apology for ruining our time then I wouldn't even lift a finger to do such things that Yukinoshita might take it as sexual harassment that easily.

If I knew that she's not only not taking it that way but also welcoming it and it lightens her mood then I would've done that.

"That aside, Hikigaya-kun. Have you and Yukino-chan arrived at the conclusion yet?" asked Haruno-san with a serious tone.

As expected of her, she hasn't disregarded the fact that Yukinoshita and I aren't dating despite going out with each other today.

Yukinoshita dropped her expression and stared at my face.

"Neither of us has yet to know enough about each other. But by the end of today, at least that statement must not stay the same and the conclusion must be reached." I said.

Before anyone could say anything, Tenma-san let out a chuckle.

"Looks like it's not just your face that is the same as your cousin, I guess. At least when it comes to relationship dealing." said Tenma-san.

"You're all saying as if relationships could be handled as easily as readying the cup ramen or something." I retorted.

And that's the second time that the Yukinoshita siblings laugh at me on the same day.

Also, Tenma-san, thanks for trying your best not to laugh at me but you can drop the act already, especially when you're not even good at it.

Am I a joke to you guys or what?

And then Isshiki, Yuigahama, Hachiju and Hassen just came and met with us, as well as a can of MAX COFFEE was thrown at me.

"Oh thanks." I said.

"No problem." said Hassen.

Speaking of problems, what the hell is wrong with Isshiki? She looked like a scaredy-cat was thrown into the haunted house.

"Is this place safe enough for you?" asked Hachiju.

"Coming from you?!" retorted Isshiki.

"What happened, Iroha-chan?" asked Yuigahama.

"My boyfriend can't be this dangerous…" muttered Isshiki.

"What an ungrateful junior. Even though I saved her from those playboy monkeys." said Hachiju.

That's racist.

"It's not like I'm not grateful for your help, or should I say, you and Kasumi's help. But the way you handled things is too much." said Isshiki.

"Unlike me, despite him not being a combat type himself, he's definitely scarier than I am at that matter so deal with it." said Hassen.

"What did he do anyway?" asked Haruno-san, curiously.

"I was instructed beforehand to call for his pet, Kasumi if something went wrong. While I was left alone when he went off to buy bird food, about three guys came and hit on me. I did what I was instructed and Kasumi came to my rescue." said Isshiki.

"Isn't that a good thing?" asked Yui.

"Sorry to say this but Hachiju-kun and heroic rescue just don't fit well with each other for some reasons." said Tenma-san.

"I couldn't agree more. Let me guess, the problem lies on Hachiju's rescue part, right?" I asked.

"Kasumi attacked those three guys until Senpai came, then the masked Senpai covered my nose and mouth from behind, then accurately shot the weird spray into their noses consecutively. After that, all three guys went helplessly drunk immediately." said Isshiki.

"And you're terrified by the fact that he shoved the entire dose of that down their throats despite how effective it already is which made those playboys look much more harmless than him?" I asked.

Especially when there's some lab rats to test out his production, there's no way that mad scientist is going to let go of them.

"How did you know all of that?" asked Isshiki, surprised.

"Because that sounds like something he would definitely do." I replied.

"If Christmas is supposed to be an event filled with joy then I think they're all having a good time instead. With that super-condensed special-made liquor, they're all able to enjoy themselves in their own drunken worlds for two or three days straight. However, what will happen to their health after those heavenly moments run out is no longer my concern though." said Hachiju.

"You heard that. Don't forget that the boyfriend you like isn't properly programmed or else you wouldn't be able to graduate from being his love coach anytime soon, y'know?" I said.

And I'm definitely not the one to talk about the 'properly programmed' part.

"That's what I am to him?" asked Isshiki.

"Did he/I stutter?" asked Hachiju, Hassen and I in unison.

Then you could hear the laughter coming out from Haruno's mouth echoed all over the place.

"I could feel you. I meant my boyfriend probably sees me the same way as how yours sees you." said Haruno-san.

"Now that I think about it, that's not inaccurate for a description." said Tenma-san.

So there's no lovey-dovey couple among us after all, especially the Hassen and Yuigahama pair who fit the title the least.

"Then what about Gahama-chan? Are you Sanshin-kun's love coach as well?" asked Haruno-san, teasingly.

No, she's not. In fact, they can't leave each other alone because of their mutual distrust of each other.

Yuigahama was here to keep Hassen from bumping into Ebina and Tobe while Hassen was here to keep Yuigahama out of me and Yukinoshita for the time being.

"No, I'm not." denied Yuigahama.

"Rather than 'love coach', she's more like a 'playboy magnet' to me. Took her out from those hyenas without making a scene really difficult as hell." said Hassen.

Every girl here (and maybe Totsuka as well) is probably the playboy magnets themselves if left alone at this point.

Also, I don't think you're even trying to not make a scene, Hassen.

"You're not even trying not to make the scene at all! You knocked them all out cold as fast as possible in their low— never mind." said Yuigahama but cut it short midway covering her mouth.

Really. You have to fix the habit of saying weird things when insulted or bad-talking to someone or else your deal with him would be meaningless.

Judging from her slip of tongue, I bet all those hyenas are probably half-castrated.

"Oh, by the way, Hassen, did you get everything I've asked for?" I asked.

"Well yeah." said Hassen as he showed everyone three plastic bags full of boxes of milk.

I picked one of them then Hachiju picked one of the rest.

"What was that for, Hikigaya-kun?" asked Yukinoshita.

"This? It's a souvenir for the person I planned to visit after this." I replied.

"Heh~ Hikigaya-kun. Did you plan on cheating on Yukino-chan or something?" said Haruno-san with a smile which radiated a dark aura.

"No, I'm not! And the person I'm talking about is my grandfather who is an old man in his 70s!" I said.

"Eh?" said Yukinoshita, Haruno-san, Yuigahama and Isshiki.

"Want to come along, Yukinoshita?" I asked.

(Hikigaya Hachiman POV Ended )

(Yukinoshita Haruno POV)

Eh? For real? Is he going to drive straight to that?

"What about you, Iroha? Do you want to come with me to visit my grandfather?" asked Miki-kun.

"Eh?" said Isshiki-chan.

"So what will you do, Yuigahama? Follow them together with me or head home?" asked Sanshin-kun.

"Eh?" said Gahama-san.

Now I'm curious, let's start checking out with this.

"Oh~ You're going to introduce Yukino-chan to your grandfather as a boyfriend or something? Never took you as a swift bloomer, Hikigaya-kun." I said.

"I've said before that the fact that neither of us know enough about each other must at least not remain unchanged. However, I'm not going to violate your consent just to fulfill that. So, what will your answer be, Yukinoshita?" asked Hikigaya-kun.

Oh… so this is how you fulfill that.

Yukino-chan, you better choose your answer wisely.

"I will go with you." said Yukino-chan and Isshiki-chan in unison and they looked at each other in surprise.

You're doing good, Yukino-chan.

If you refuse then there will be nothing about you that he's considered worth knowing and end this relationship right away.

"In that case I will go too." said Gahama-chan.

In the end, she still couldn't give up properly, huh?

Then there's one thing to do.

"Alright, Nobu-chan. Let's continue our date." I said.

After six of them left, Nobu-chan asked.

"It's rare for you to not even go with them especially when there's nothing to stop you."

It's definitely rare indeed.

(Yukinoshita Haruno POV Ended)

A/N: Chapter 23 for you readers and Happy Birthday to Hikigaya Hachiman.