Chapter 11: I Promise

Ten minutes later Ali was sitting in Em's hospital room, the brunette facing away from Ali, her chest falling steadily.

"Em, I have something to tell you, it might take a while, but I only have a few hours."

And Ali covered as much as she could in three and a half hours, revealing everything to a sleeping Emily….

Or so Ali thought she was asleep the whole time.

"Em, I have something to tell you, it might take a while, but I only have a few hours."

Ali watched Emily closer for any movement or indication that she was awake, but Em's steady breathing and stillness convinced Ali that she was fast asleep.

"Bare with me here, Em."

Ali sighed and took one last glance at the door, thinking that it wasn't too late to just leave now and save herself from reliving the heart ache that had made a home in her heart. But Caleb's words echoed throughout her and if not for Em, then Ali new she would have to say this for herself.

In a shaky breath, Ali adjusted herself in the chair and looking at the long locks of Em's brown hair, she spoke softly, "I don't even really know where to begin Em, it seems like a lifetime ago and yesterday all at the same time."

She waited, as if for a response, but she knew none would come.

"Well I guess I can start that summer, the summer before school started, I uh- I disappeared. And you didn't know, no one did. I'm sorry, I never apologized, and I think maybe if I told someone none of this would've happened, maybe things would be different- actually I know they would. But all that has happened made me realize how much I need you; otherwise I might not have had the courage to lo-"

Not yet, Ali told herself, just get through it as much as you can first.

"I left because I was scared of something, of someone. If you could remember how I was before you'd laugh because I used to act like I wasn't afraid of anything, but the truth? I was scared of a lot, I was always in edge because I knew someone was after me, I knew they knew some of the darkest things about me and I couldn't risk getting exposed. This person, they would leave notes and messages, all signed by –A. I thought it was a joke at first but then they started to get scarier and more personal and- and- I had to run.

"The way I left made it seem like I was kidnapped or something, I didn't want it to be like that. And I also couldn't stand to be away for so long, I would sneak out and see you girls sometimes, but mostly you. I'm sorry for the way I broke you then, I knew how much you cared for me and I was most upset at myself for leaving you like that, I wish I would've took you with me.

"But it was my problem, well it was until one day it wasn't. A year later when you all came back for school, they found a body in my old house and they thought it was me. I had to watch you break again in front of me, while I saved myself, my 'death' was the easiest excuse I held on to, to stay away. But –A wasn't fooled, and he came after you, all of you, and that was my fault."

Ali looked up and noticed Em was starting to stir, normal for her sleeping patterns but still, Ali didn't really want Em to be awake, her seizure left her speech impaired, her memory even more muddled and Ali knew she couldn't bare the sight, nor ever come up with the words to explain why Emily was suffering so much for reasons she wouldn't understand at first.

"Em," Alison's voice wavered and she dropped it even lower, her head bowing, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I can't- I can't do this without you, you're stronger than me, than anyone I know. I n-need, you, I need your strength for this Em." Alison's head dropped against the bed, by Em's side and when the sobs came and shook her, her chest heaved and she didn't fight them.

It could've been minutes or an hour but Ali lifted her head and found that Em was shaking in her sleep, whimpering softly. Ali wanted to shake her awake but realized Em was probably just having a nightmare, 'night terrors' as Dr. Pearson called them.

"No, no, please!" Em silently screamed and Ali jumped to the bed, beside Em and held her close.

"Shhh, shhh, Em, Em it's okay, it's not real." But it was wasn't it, it was all real at one point, but Ali kept on.

"Em, Em, it's a nightmare, shhh, I've got you." Ali wasn't so sure that she did have Em, even in her arms there was a distance beyond the physical realm of reality that separated them and it seemed whenever the gap was about to be bridged, they were pulled apart again, forced to run in place, even if that place was still in each other's arms.

Ali found herself crying as Em calmed down and sleep overtook her again. Maybe the pieces of her heart couldn't break anymore but damn they could still shatter.

"You don't deserve this Em, you don't, you're good, too good for me and you always have been, and if I make it back…I know who did this, I know now and he'll pay. He will."

Ali sat and stared at the clock, she still had 2 hours to kill.

"I don't want to relive the bad, I think I'll just talk about you, and your parents and….and….and us."

"You have a great mom and dad Em, they loved- they love you so much. You're more like your dad than your mom would like to admit but you're also more like your mom than you would like to admit. It's funny actually to watch you all together, even funnier when me and the girls were there. God, and Hanna…"

Ali's voice picked up the pieces of the past and they came together atop Em's head where Ali's chin rested, her arm around Em's shoulders, holding her into her chest.

The two hours passed, Ali softly retelling the many stories she had to share from when they were younger and things were simple.

Ali's phone buzzed when she was almost out of stories to tell.

Caleb: hey, I hope you and Em are okay, also don't forget, the plane leaves in an hour

Alison: yeah, we're okay, she's been sleeping this whole time, I'll get ready soon

Caleb: okay good, I called the cab service and sent one to the hospital to get you in abt 20 minutes

Alison: thanks, see you soon

Caleb: yeah, don't be late

Caleb: don't forget to tell Em what matters either ;)

Ali set her phone back on the side table and smiled, it was unlike Caleb to show such affection towards her but he loved Hanna and Em was Hanna's best friend, he was probably just doing this for Em she thought.

But was this what was best? Even if Em could understand and remember that would only make leaving that much harder…for them both.

Ali disentangled their bodies and knelt against the bed, softly taking Em's hand in her own. She was eye level with Em and she gaze one long time at the eyelids, hiding the chocolate orbs. She sucked in every fine detail of her face, the small scar on her cheekbone, the small scratches that littered her otherwise unblemished skin.

"Em, there's one more thing I have to tell you, I wouldn't be able to live without saying this to you, even if you're sleeping…because there's a chance I might not come back from all of this, and I have to leave your side, but I have to do so knowing that I was honest with you." Ali squeezed Em's hand a little harder and placed her forehead over them both, speaking into the sheets.

"Em, I – I love you. And not as just a friend, I love you more than that, and before all of this you said you loved me too. And we, we were together, as a couple, you and me. And I can't imagine living without you I love you so much, but this is close to it. Living while watching you like this, this is what I deserve for being so cruel to you before, for being such a bad person. But none of this is your fault. I love you and you loved me and because you loved me, you're sitting in this bed."

Ali kept her eyes to their hands when she lifted her head, unaware that Emily had just woken and was staring at the crying girl in front of her, tears in her eyes for not really knowing why Ali looked so broken and was in so many tears.

"Em I love you and I want that to be enough. I want it to fix things."

Em was tempted to brush her hand through Ali's locks and tell her things would be okay, whatever it was. But she dropped her jaw and…nothing.

Nothing would surface. Em set her jaw and closed her eyes, tears of her own hiding behind her eyelids.

Ali stood almost abruptly, still unaware that Em was conscious and lifted their hands, "when we were young and I made these promises with you, promises to keep secrets, you used to make me do something, and I thought it was so stu- so silly. But now, now I think that it'll be the only thing from giving up and giving –A what he wants."

Ali maneuvered their hands so that only their pinkies were hooked around one another's.

"This isn't much compared to what I wanted to do for you….but I think you can make the exception."

Ali squeezed their pinkies gently, "Em, I promise, I will do all I can to stop this once and for all, even if that means that I….," she couldn't say it again, "Em I promise every moment that I'm away, that I will be thinking of you, I promise that no matter where I go or what happens, I promise I love you, and I always will."

She dropped their pinkies and leaned forward, kissing Em's forehead and turning around. Prolonging her time with the brunette would make things more painful.

Alison slipped from the room, silent, unheard and untouched, just like the tears that poured from Emily's closed eyes.

x-x-x-x

"Ali, you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"How'd you end up telling the cops and doctors about this?"

Ali sighed and let her shoulders slump into the seat of the grounded plane, "I have to check in with Swan every few hours, he wants updates but can't do much for use while we're here, it's out of his jurisdiction and if we need some 'reinforcement,' we'd need to tell local authorities, even though I can tell he wants this case bad, we're pretty much on our own our here.

"So nothing new then?" Caleb laughed and Ali relaxed a little more.

"Yeah."

"And Em?"

Ali stiffened, "she's in good hands, I know Toby cares for her and the doctors seem to be genuine, especially Pearson, I know he had her best interest in mind. I also called my attorney, if something should happen to me-"

"Hey, don't talk like that."

"I'm only being realistic, -A isn't taking dolls anymore." Ali thinking regrettedly about her friends and Em's parents.

"Hey, they still haven't found all the bodies, there's still a chance that-"

"If I die Caleb, I left all my money to Em, so the hospital should be able to take care of her and she'll have enough to get on her feet, I already asked Toby, he'll take care of her. Ezra too."

Caleb knew fighting was useless so he put his earphones in, "I'd try to get some rest, I doubt we'll get any while we're in Rosewood."

Ali stared out the window and relaxed as the crew and passengers got ready for the plane to take off.

Alison looked up at the moon that was beginning to rise and closed her eyes, thinking of Em and remembering something she had read before, thinking it was perfect for this.

'I find comfort, no matter how little, knowing that you and I are under the same sky. That the light of the sun in my eye is the same light that warms your skin, that the moonlight I find comfort in is the same light watching over you as you sleep. It brings me closer to you. It keeps us connected.'

"Goodnight, Em."