AN: So I know it's been a few weeks, sorry to those of you who are my regulars lol, I had exams...I didn't too shabby but anyways, I hope you all are well, enjoy!
"She would gladly let that happen and let [her love for Emily] intoxicate her...drown her in it.
In fact...[Alison] would let it be the very death of her..."
No One's POV
Caleb looked back at the car and once he seen Ali grabbed Emily's hands and Em didn't pull away, he knew things were going to be okay.
"You think they're going to be alright?" Mona stole a glance at the car and seen the same thing.
Caleb shrugged, "they're Emily and Alison, they're going to be...Emily and Alison," he laughed, "They'll be what they always were."
"Yeah," Mona pondered, "and what's that?"
"Well," Caleb swayed until his shoulder bumped Mona's, "other than the usual passionate, complicated and crazy? Together. And I think they're going to figure things out and it'll be okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah, okay."
"You think they want to settle for okay?" Mona didn't even know why she was so into asking about them, it was none of her business, but being in this nightmare together she saw glimpses of light in the way the two of them were always there for each other, she could only imagine their relationship before Emily's memory was taken. So it was just...she wanted to see them happy. Regardless of what Alison used to be, she deserved to be happy.
Caleb on the other hand felt like the two women were his responsibility somehow, they were together but that didn't mean that they didn't need someone else to be on their side still. They both always had the girls and now, they were gone. He knew too well what abandonment felt like. He grew fond of them in a matter of weeks and now they were stuck with him.
"I don't think they'd be settling for anything, they're all each other wants," he smiled and cringed a little at the way he sounded. Never in a million years would he have imagined him saying those words, about anyone. "And...what are you getting at anyways?"
"Nothing, I just, I dunno, it's weird seeing them this way I guess. I mean I'm not even close to them and only god knows how much shit Ali and I put each other through but that doesn't mean it's not hard for me to watch them like this."
"Like what Mona," Caleb started to defend suddenly, "we can't expect them to go through something like this and ignore it and hope it goes away until everything is fine again. Alison is doing the best she can and Emily is still being Emily - trying to make everyone happy."
Mona sighed, "is Charles that fucked up in the head that he'd take away everyone else's happiness for some perverse version of his?"
"I don't know, but when I see him, he won't have the chance to answer."
Mona looked over her shoulder, "Caleb, Ali is waving at us."
Turning around, Caleb sighed, "well, looks like they're okay."
"Yeah."
"Mona?"
"What is it?"
"Don't bring that up with anyone okay?"
"Bring what up?"
"The fact that it's not the same between them. They know that more than anyone, even if they're not going to want to show anyone, everyone will know, and that's hard enough."
"I wouldn't put them through any more suffering Caleb, I just - I really just want to see everyone happy and back where they belong."
"We all do."
"C'mon," Mona grinned, "we have some psycho to catch."
"Yeah, and let's bring the girls home."
They had barely taken a few steps towards the car when Mona lightly grabbed Caleb's wrist, "Caleb?"
"Yeah?" He turned around and looked confused.
"You're a good man, Caleb."
He was stunned a bit, not sure what to say next, "uh..."
"I just had to tell you. You know, there's no saying what'll happen after today, I just wanted tell you, you're a good person...Hanna is so lucky to have you."
And although Caleb was smiling, he was also shaking his head, "no, I'm the lucky one. I'm lucky to have Hanna," and his smile broadened until he couldn't contain it anymore, "Mona, I don't know why I'm telling you this, but when this is all over, and I get her back, I'm going to ask her to marry me."
Mona's jaw dropped and she looked at the car and back at Caleb, "are you serious," she practically jumped.
"Yeah, but not right away, the last time...the last time, this happened, she was...Hanna was different. I wouldn't want to force this on her, so you have to be quiet."
"Wait, why are you telling me this?"
Shrugging again, Caleb started walking towards the car again, "who knows, you could be the one to help us plan everything we the day comes."
"Are you serious?"
"Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Okay, shutting up, you don't have to tell me twice, let's just go. I'm tired of Charles being the reason everyone's happiness is on hold."
x-x-x-x
When Caleb and Mona got back to the car, Emily was leaning against the window, the space in the middle of her and Ali closed by their intertwined fingers. Alison was starting at their hands, then Emily and back towards the road. No one said anything, Alison trying to figure out what Caleb and Mona had just been talking about, but not willing to be too nosy and ask.
He seemed happy about something and she seemed happy for him. Whatever it was, Ali wasn't going to dampen it with her own questions. After all, today did have the potential to be a day of celebration.
Still, it was weird sitting in the car in silence for the first hour. And by the word weird, all four of them would actually replace it with, tense, awkward, uncomfortable and lastly...well weird, again.
No one said anything. The anticipation was growing.
Mona kept her eyes trained on the road and occasionally the GPS and Caleb tapped away occasionally at the laptop, checking on the scrambler and IP address tracker that the coordinates they were headed to were getting closer to the one he traced the signal back to. It was too hard to tell now, but when they were close, the numbers would start to look similar.
Alison didn't even know what Caleb did for work, they were all around the same age, 20, and she never even paid attention to what he did. They were all so young and she and Emily had taken these two years since high school off to just figure out what they wanted, taking barely any general ed classes at Hollis. Meanwhile, Caleb was already a skilled genius on his own.
He should be with Hanna somewhere in a city where he works as some tech support or adviser for an expensive company. Alison was angry that one person as smart as Caleb was using what he had for this. Glad that he was able to track the bastard down, but upset that he couldn't be using it for something less...well less traumatic.
All of her friends had lives and jobs and were in school, and they put it on pause to go see her and Emily and this is how they got repaid. It wasn't right.
"Shhh." It was Emily.
Alison turned to look at Em, but it seemed like she was sleeping. She looked at Caleb and Mona and quirked a brow, they didn't even seem to have heard anything.
She shook her head, telling herself she was imagining things.
"Shhh."
"Em?" Alison looked again and this time Emily was smiling, sleepily, her favorite.
"I said shhh, I can hear you thinking."
Then, Alison became aware of the pressure on her hand again when Emily squeezed it, and she tried to tell herself to relax, "I'm trying to nap Ali," Emily continued, "so stop."
"Em-,"
"Whatever it is," she yawned, "don't blame yourself," she whispered.
"I'm not bla-,"
"You are though, I can feel it, you're starting to think about all of this again...and I said stop."
Alison stared at Emily and was glad that she wasn't looking back at her, "Em," she whispered back, "how could you possibly know what I'm thinking?"
"The same way you know when I don't feel like doing anything but eating ice cream in bed, so you stop by Scoops before you come home and get me a bucket of my favorite."
Alison didn't realize at first that Emily had remembered something 'new.' Instead her mind immediately drew up the memories of nights when she could just tell from the time Emily woke up that she was just grumpy. Emily did her best to hide it, and no one else would be able to tell, but she always did.
They worked at different places, and most of the time didn't get home at the same time, this let Alison usually surprise Emily with her favorite ice cream, from her favorite - not so originally named - ice cream parlor.
They wouldn't do anything after that, Emily would kiss Alison thank you and they'd lay in bed, Alison sitting up with Emily curled into her side, spoon working its way to the bottom of the tub while they watched tv or Netflix, or just sat there.
Ali never asked why Emily got that way sometimes, she just accepted it as something Em dealt with and if it was worth talking about, they'd have that talk. But until then, she would surprise Emily with Mint Chip or Vanilla or whatever she knew would make Em happy again.
It was just ice cream, some people would tell her, but it was more than that. It was the simple gesture that they both enjoyed. Alison knew somehow, on a deeper level, Emily was replacing it with something else.
"Wait-," Alison remembered where in time and space she was again, and let go of Emily's hand, turning to face her more fully, "you remember that?"
Emily nodded against the window and reached for Ali's hand again, "I used to drink in high school, and then when I went overseas and heavily when my dad used to leave on deployment. I remember that."
Alison swallowed, she remembered when Hanna told her about how badly Emily used to let herself go when it came to alcohol. Hanna said it started when she disappeared and after it got worse after Maya died...even Ali didn't see just how much those things hurt Em and what she really did to deal with it.
"I'm glad you told me, Em."
Emily looked up from the window and down at her hand that was in Ali's and she smiled weakly, "I remember that you never asked me why I got down sometimes, and I know you always wanted to ask. I used to drink to make the pain go away...I remember that, I just...," she struggled to explain away why some days she would wake up and just feel like...like shit.
"Em," Ali started softly, "it's okay, don't worry about it." Ali returned the gesture from earlier and squeezed her hand tighter around Em's, "it's okay," she repeated, "I'm not sure you even knew why back then, but one of these days we will."
"If I don't?"
"No, no, you don't get to do that, Em. We've been through this, I am going to want you no matter what."
Emily sighed a long and chest shuddering sigh, "you're right, I'm not being fair, I'm sorry."
Alison hated this. She was still fighting an uphill battle, racing against the odds and she felt like the more she got up that hill, the further away the finish line was getting.
"I don't think I can sleep anymore, I think my brain was just working over time right now."
"Well, tell it to calm down," Ali rubbed the pad of her thumb over the back of Em's hand soothingly and smiled.
"Just think about tomorrow, things will be different when you wake up."
"Yeah, it'll be better."
"Yeah."
"Caleb, how long until we get there?"
"We've actually made great time, we should be there in about 45 minutes."
"Okay," Alison said, "so what's the plan? Are the guys there already?"
"No, they're about 20 minutes out," Mona answered.
"Yeah, they're going to 'check-in' and get a room at the resort. One of the better ones with the nice TV and computer."
"Why not say we want a cabin," Ali asked, "then we'll be closer to Charles."
"Because I," Caleb cut in, "need some sort of internet connection to ground my computers to for the hack into Charles' system. I doubt he has anything but the best and I'm going to need the mainframe connection here to have a strong and fast enough signal."
"Won't he know?"
"Well not exactly, he could have a firewall that sends him a warning, but I'm going to send a spam virus into the system here and not only will he see everyone's activity from the hotel side of things, but all the guests' activity will be broadcast to him, he won't be able to see that I'm worming my way into his version of security."
"Okay and then once you're in?"
"Wren has been singing like a canary over there with Toby and Ezra, he's telling them everything."
"He's scared," Emily said for Wren, "you can see it in his eyes that he cares for CeCe, he's scared, of course he's going to say whatever he needs to if it means he can protect her. And we all know that because we've all been there."
"Emily's right, so we need to make sure what he's saying is true too."
"It will be, think of it from his perspective: if he lies and we don't find them but Charles finds out he was helping us, Wren will never see her again. He's telling the truth."
"Okay," Alison accepted the logic, "so what's he saying?"
"He told Toby that Charles has been sending CeCe on trips to pick up a lot of stuff, she couldn't say the specifics but Wren thinks it was for another dollhouse."
"Another one? In a rented Cabin? How and why would he do that, it's heavily populated around here and I'm sure the resort wouldn't let him do that."
"They would if that cabin hasn't been rented out in years and it was on the verge of being torn down."
"What? Why?"
Mona cleared her throat, "I told Caleb to run a master search with anything having to do with that cabin and turns out that there used to be a myth about what happened there and then throughout the years, people started to believe it and get spooked about it. It was in the area's local newspaper and everything, they called the cabin the Freaky 5."
"Why?" Emily sat up closer and shot a questioningly look at Ali, "Mona, what was the myth?"
Mona and Caleb exchanged looks and Caleb nodded as if to say 'I got this one.' Mona looked thankful and turned back towards the road, bobbing and weaving efficiently through traffic.
"Caleb? What is it?" Emily was just as impatient as Ali, but there was a certain fear settling in the blonde's stomach
"This was so twisted and we thought it was a mistake, but we barely found out when you were sleeping Em."
"Spit it out."
"There was a family on vacation that rented out the cabin. A mom, dad, two sons, and their daughter."
"And? What happened?"
"This is the part we were afraid to tell you, they didn't publish this in the paper, we found it online and in the police's official reports. They were old and barely accessible, but it was clear what happened. The family went on vacation there, had the cabin in there name for a week. But when the time came and gone for them to check out, they never did.
"The resort sent 2 rangers and security detail from to cabin 5 to check on them and when they eventually broke the door down, all that was left was one of the little boys. He was sitting on one of the beds playing with his sisters toys. One of the forest rangers asked the boy where his family was and he laughed.
"The ranger who made the report went to see a therapist for years after this but the reports weren't falsified...he said the little boy just laughed and told him they were right there, why didn't he see them?"
"Well where were the parents," Emily asked while Alison was silent the whole time.
"They weren't there, they weren't anywhere. The family's car was still parked outside and there was no sign of them in the woods, they sent search parties for weeks. But nothing."
"Caleb, then why did the little boy say his family was still there?"
This is where Caleb had the hardest time. He swallowed hard, noting the way it burned his throat.
"He was referring to his sisters' dolls," he admitted, going on hesitantly, "he had a doll for each of them...the brother doll was in the bathroom with the mom doll, the boy said his mom was getting ready to take them both a bath, the dad doll was sitting at the chair and he had the sister doll in his hand, brushing her hair."
Alison tensed beside Emily and shook her head, "what was the boy's name?"
"Ali, are you okay?" Caleb looked at her and was worried, this wasn't a coincidence, she didn't believe in those, this was on purpose. Charles knew about this somehow.
"What happened to the boy, Caleb, what was his name?" Ali pressed on and Emily started to get nervous about why Ali getting this freaked out.
"His name was Adam Parsons Jr., but he kept telling everyone to call him -A, that's what his dad called him."
Ali couldn't fathom that the story about the cabin would be so creepy let alone so influential in her life. "That's where he got it from. The dolls, the name, it wasn't for anonymous, it was for Adam...Charles knew about this, how?"
Caleb just looked out the window and shook his head, "Ali, you should calm down."
"Why! How am I supposed to? You're telling me my own brother started to plan his life around this stupid story? That's not supposed to freak me out? Well it does, and I want to know how Charles knew about this. How could he have found out when you and Mona together had to run a search on your laptops?"
Emily let her hand slip from Alison and she started her breathing routines, counting in her head and focusing on one thing in the car so her brain didn't slip her into a blackout.
"Mona," Alison said angrily, tell me how my brother knew about this. He had to have known."
It was one of the only times anyone heard Alison call Charles her brother and sound like she meant it.
"You can't be feeling sorry for him, can you," Mona answered with her own question, "he's not your brother Alison, he hasn't been since he was sent to Radley."
"Radley. That's it." Ali said in a flat voice.
"What," Emily was trembling slightly, she was thinking about what Mona said to Alison. Was Ali really feeling bad for Charles? After everything that happened? Even though Emily couldn't remember what he did years ago...as a matter of fact it was because she couldn't remember her life years ago, she hated him.
She didn't even know she was capable of carrying such heavy hatred or any hatred at all. She felt at heart she was kind, but this man, this person who was Alison's brother didn't deserve empathy from her. She shouldn't be projecting her personality into him and thinking what it must've been like for him. There was nothing to understand other than he was a monster.
"It was Radley wasn't it? Mona answer me."
"Alison-,"
"You don't have the right to keep it from me, so tell me the damn truth."
"Adam was taken to multiple facilities to try to figure out what happened to his family. Child psychologists worked with him for months, but he still believed his family was with him. He had the dolls, he couldn't function without them, doctors said the piece of sanity whatever was left of it was grounded in his possession of those dolls and to take them away would be extremely detrimental to his mental health."
"So then what? Why didn't you see that he went to Radley?"
"There were no official records of him having been there. There was a file under his name for a transfer from The General Sanitarium in PA that his doctor filled out but Radley never showed any record of his arrival."
"He couldn't have just disappeared."
"He didn't, he died Alison," Mona said bluntly. He did get to Radley but he was only there for a few days, on his third night, he killed himself and Radley and the CPS officer in charge of him decided not to file a full report."
"So what? They didn't even acknowledge that he died? How could they have done that?"
"Caleb looked up the CPS officer assigned to Adam's case and traced back a paper trail coming from Radley."
"Radley paid for it to stay quiet? Why would they do that?"
Mona shook her head, "Ali I think that's all you need to know."
"Bullshit, you don't get to decide that. Tell me why it was covered up."
"It was your mom!" Caleb almost yelled, "your mom paid for it to stay quiet, and don't even ask about why she would do that. Think about it, we already know she would do anything to keep Charles safe."
"You think Charles killed him?"
There was silence and then nothing.
"Just tell me what you know," Alison said in a more calm tone.
"Ali," Mona said slowly, "your brother's fixation with dolls and his manic behavior was found even before any proof of the Adam boy being sent to Radley, and when he was supposed to be there, Charles was already 14 and CeCe was already there. If this story got to Charles even the day after the press released it, it would only make what he believed stronger. It made his delusional more real to him."
"You...you didn't answer my question. Was Charles involved or not?"
"The statement that Radley put in with the police and coroner that was never released only noted that two other patients were seen with him last. There weren't any names."
"But since my mom helped cover it up...," she trailed off, knowing that no one in the car needed her to finish.
"Ali, I'm sorry but maybe this story was just coincidence."
"I don't think so. Charles found someone who was just like him and he took on that persona, because that's what he does right? He was abandoned and left to be treated like he didn't belong with his own family so he makes them. He turned into the Adam boy, into -A and told him he could still have his family in his dolls."
"Ali, Charles is smarter than anyone could've imagined, he made this up himself."
"I don't believe that. If it were true then why did my mom think he was getting better? Why did she believe he was well enough to come out? It wasn't his fault, he didn't have anyone else, he could've heard the story and-,"
"And what?! Do you hear yourself right now?" Mona was gripping the steering wheel hard enough to see the little indents in the bone of her knuckles.
"I do hear myself! And I'm saying that he had to have known about this? There would be no other way that my brother would've ever turned into this, he just wanted a family again, it was the only way he thought he could have that."
"Your brother?" Emily asked, almost completely forgotten to Alison.
"What?"
"Your brother," she almost spat, "that's what you said. You called him your brother," she said incredulously.
Alison quickly realized what that meant to Em, and while she was still formulating what to say in defense, Emily went on.
"You told me both of our family's were with Charles, you told me you didn't have anyone else. How can you say that you have no other family beside the people who are kidnapped right now and call the person who did it your brother? And now you want to find excuses for why he turned into what he turned into? Blame it on some myth story about a c-ca-cabin in th-the woods?"
Shit, Ali thought, things could not get any worse, "Em," she tried-
"S-s-save it, do you fe-feel bad for him?"
Mona and Caleb sat tense in the front seat, wishing they would've waited to tell Alison and Emily until they were at the Resort in Woodloch.
"Emily-,"
"Do you? Do you feel bad for him," Emily was angry now, the intense emotions surpassed her brains inability to stumble over her words, "do you?! Look and me and remember what happened. You know what he's done, and you're sitting here thinking about defending him."
"Emily, I - I can't count it out that he was influenced by things we don't know about."
"So what happened to me isn't enough? The fact that my parents and our friends are with him isn't enough? Huh? Why not!?"
"Because," Ali burst, on the verge of tears, she didn't even know what she was saying, "I wasn't always this person, I was different, I was manipulated by my own family before I became this person...what if-,"
"What? What if he can change," Emily mocked, "is that what you want to do? Alison, what do you want to do? Save him?"
"No, I just-," Alison felt the distance growing between them. They were 3 feet away but it felt like miles were stretching between them.
"You do! We almost died in the middle of the road! I don't have my memories of my life before this hell, and you do want to save him. You think he deserves that." Emily shook her head and couldn't even look at Alison anymore.
The woman she knew she has loved, the same woman she was learning to love again was seriously considering the idea that the person behind all their pain was not the one to blame.
It pissed her off. It broke her heart. She was in pain almost every minute since she had woken up and hid it so well and now that pain she has been feeling...Alison thinks the person who inflicted it didn't mean to? That it wasn't his fault because he heard about another little boy with the same doll obsession as him?
She'll admit the universe was cruel in that, but she's never agree that Charles grew up the way he did because he didn't have a 'family.' He had his chance to get out and get better and instead he wanted to take anger and jealousy out on his actual sister and her friends and their families.
There was no sympathy in her heart for him.
And she didn't know if she could go on loving someone who felt that he deserved any sympathy.
"Emily," Caleb tried, reminding the girls that they weren't alone.
"What?!"
"I think you should calm down."
"Why? Are you my doctor?"
"No, but look at your hands."
Emily looked down and sure enough, her little tremble had turned into a violent one: hands balled into fists and shaking uncontrollably.
She sat back and tilted her head back against the head rest, "f-fuck," she cursed, breathing in through her nose and out her mouth and when a hand gently touched her hands to calm her, she knew exactly who it was and she snatched it away, "don't touch me."
Alison felt the words leave Emily's mouth like knifes sailing through the air and sinking into the blood-filled tissues that made up her heart and she drew her hand into her own lap like it was swatted away, trying not to let anymore of the pain in her chest seep through to the rest her body.
But it did.
The wounds stabbed in her heart were leaking liquid pain throughout her veins, and it was heavy and cold and it was slowing filling her lungs and weighing them down, drowning her.
It was in this moment she imagined that the impact was the same when she had said what she said about Charles and not taken Emily's side. She must feel betrayed and all Alison did was sit there and dig herself into a hole.
All she could do was blame herself again and stare angrily ahead as tears spilled down her cheeks.
She was back at square one, all that progress with Emily and she threw it all away.
Emily was right, Charles didn't deserve a second chance...what was she thinking?
They were all right, right? She would be crazy to think that he doesn't have to be the one at fault for everything. He was probably just like her. Who knows, it could've been her in there instead of him, it could've-
"Alison," Mona cut off her train of thought.
"Don't. Mona, don't okay? Just drive." There was no emotion in left her voice, just a hollowness.
A deafening silence fell yet again, and it that, they drove the last 45 minutes to Woodloch Resort.
x-x-x-x-x
"Alison." Mona was gently shaking Alison from her slumber. It had been less than an hour to finally get to Woodloch resort and in that time, Ali morphed her self-hatred into sleep.
"What Mona, go away."
"But we're here. The room is ready, we have to go now, Caleb thinks Charles may have eyes on us using the resort's security cameras."
"Just leave me here," Ali groaned.
Mona rolled her eyes and hit the inside of the open door, "dammit Alison, get your ass up, now is not the time to be feeling sorry for yourself. You're not this kind of person who lays down and gives up."
Scoffing, Alison turned her body away from the door and tucked her hand under her chin, "what do you know?"
"What do I know? What do I know! Alison, I've been here since you came back. Do you not remember coming to me and asking me to help you with this? I said yes! I said yes for Hanna and for Caleb, but also because I believe in you.
"What I know is that you are not the person you thought you were, you never were that person, because no matter how hard people tried to make you something you weren't, in the end you didn't let them. And look where that got you! You have friends who love you and would do anything for you and you have Emily."
Alison was biting her lip and despite the fact that her back was turned towards Mona, she could still feel the glare in Mona's eyes, boring into her.
"Not anymore I don't. She hates me."
"Are you freaking kidding me?"
"What?" Ali turned around and faced Mona, surprised at how close she was.
"You are such a fucking idiot sometimes. Emily does not hate you, but she's mad, and the fact that you can't separate the two makes you an idiot."
"I know why she's upset and I wish I could take it back, but I can't. And it's not like she can choose what to forget or not. I don't even think she can forgive me."
"All this back and forth, aren't you tired of it? Be smarter, think before you open your mouth, she's not used to everything yet, but she will be."
"And if she's not? What if this is her second chance, she can start over without me and maybe she'll find something better."
"Emily loves you, and you think that her finding someone else is better?"
"Maybe, I guess we'll see after tonight."
x-x-x-x-x
"Emily, we should really get back now, the room is ready and Mona can set everything up by herself."
"Just a few more minutes Caleb, then we can turn around."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Because you're breathing really heavy and I can see you wincing when you lift you right leg up."
When Mona parked the car, Emily bolted and started towards the lining of trees, not even giving an explanation before Caleb realized he should be following after her.
She had just started to walk when she found a lightly used trail leading a ways up the side of the sloping hills. She didn't wait a second more before she started her ascent into the thicker brush of trees.
"I'm fine," she waved, "you should go help them, I can find my way back."
"We're not that far from the resort but I don't want you here alone."
"I'm fine, I can take care of myself okay?! Go, help them."
But as she was yelling, she missteped and slipped forward, catching her hand against the rough bark of the nearest tree, cutting herself.
And seeing the blood, being in the trees, yelling about getting help, she was brought back to that place.
Her eyes widened and she didn't see Caleb anymore, all she saw was a masked figure and black hoodie and gloves, she saw the blood on her hands and she didn't know if it was hers or-
"Ali! ALI!"
Caleb looked around and realized that Em's wide glazed over eyes weren't looking at him or even Alison. She was having another attack.
"ALI," she screamed.
Caleb tried to walk towards her but when she took an unsteady step back he cursed under his breath, "shit! FUCK!"
Emily flinched at the sudden shout and she seemed too afraid of him to move.
"Em, Emily, listen to my voice, it's me, it's Caleb okay. Can you hear me? It's not real. Whatever you're seeing, it's not real."
But it was real for her, she was breathing it all in...again.
She was starting to shake and Caleb was afraid that she would black out and hurt herself on the way down.
"Ali, help me!"
Caleb turned around and quickly dialed Mona's number on his phone. She answered after the second ring, "bring Ali here now, it's Em, she's having a panic attack or something, it's not like the ones before."
He hung up the phone and when he turned back to Emily, he found her sitting on the ground, back against the tree she had cut herself on, holding her arm to her chest, rocking back and forth, saying something her couldn't even really make out.
60 seconds of painfully watching his friend relive whatever nightmare she lived through before this and Caleb finally heard the sound of rushed feet breaking twigs and crunching the Earth beneath them.
"No, no, stay away." Emily heard the noise and ducked her head between her knees, her arms outstretched shaking bloodily in defense.
"Em?" Ali nearly dropped to her knees in defeat at the sight. Caleb looked worried at Ali and took a few steps back, finally hearing Mona catching up to them. "She slipped and cut her arm and I lost her. She started freaking out."
Alison swallowed and waved them away, "I'll get her to the room, go on without us."
"Alison, it's already 5, the sun sets soon, I'm not-,"
"I wasn't asking you," she said so only Caleb could hear, "go. Take Mona to the guys and you guys do what you said you were. This shit ends tonight. He's not going to touch anyone I love anymore. If I have to, I will put a bullet between Charles' eyes when I see him."
Caleb swallowed and turned around, asking with his eyes if Ali was going to be okay.
"Go, because I swear to God, if Emily gets hurt again...just go."
Caleb didn't stand around any longer before he grabbed Mona's wrist and started to head back down the trail to the resort.
"Emily?"
"Stay away! Please, stop it. I don't want to do it anymore!"
Alison felt her gut wrench and she started to boil with rage, she really thought that Charles deserved to be heard? She was probably just as crazy as him.
She was going to end him and his reign of terrorizing her real family once and for all. Nothing he had to say was worth watching Emily be paralyzed by fear.
"Emily, Em, it's me love, listen to my voice."
"Stop it!" Emily still had her head down and now she covered her ears with her hands, "leave me alone."
"Emily," Alison said louder, "listen to me babe, it's Ali, I'm here. Can you hear me?"
Silence. But Ali took that as a good sign. Emily was listening.
"Em, you know my voice, you know that I'm safe. Come back to me. I'm not going anywhere."
Emily dropped her hands down and shook her head, "it's not real, it's not real."
"I'm real baby, listen to me, I'm real okay. You're not there anymore, you're safe. You can open your eyes, you're safe with me."
Ali was slowly making her way towards Emily stopping when she was a foot away from where she was huddled and the blonde sunk to her knees, eyebrows knitted tight with worry, "Em," she whipsered, "I want you to count to three with me and then I want you to open your eyes okay?"
"No, I can't."
"Emily, it's going to be okay, when you open your eyes, I promise it'll be gone okay? It's just me, you know me right?"
"Ali," Emily's voice cracked, "I'm scared."
Alison lifted her hand but quickly put it back down, she didn't want to startle Em, she had to do this on her own.
"It's okay to be scared, but I'm here, I won't let anything happen to you." Alison forced as much truth in the statement as she could but it seems all she's ever done ended up hurting Emily regardless.
"Open your eyes."
Emily took a visibly shaky breath and lifted her head, slowly opening her eyes to see that Alison was just a foot away, broken down into a scared girl just like her.
"Ali," her voice cracked again.
Ali nodded, "it's me," and this was real she wanted to add.
Emily started to cry and when the first tear spilled over, Ali threw caution to the wind and lunged forward, grabbing Em's shoulders and pulling her forward until her head was pressed against her chest.
"Shhh, I got you. I got you now, you're okay."
"I'm sorry Ali, I'm sorry."
"No," Ali hugged Emily harder, "none of this is your fault, don't say sorry. You're safe right now, I'm here, I have you."
"I keep p-pushing you away," Emily sobbed, "I don't w-want to, bu-but I-I'm scared," she admitted.
"Then stop pushing. It's not your fault though okay," Ali put Emily at arm's length and waited until the tear filled eyes met hers, "I was pushing you too."
"What for," Em wiped her eyes and looked down at her knees.
"I'm scared to."
"Of what, I see you, you seem fearless."
"That's the problem, that's what I was taught to look like. But I'm scared, I look at you and I remember what everyone around me has suffered at that terrifies me. I don't want that to happen again. I'm scared of losing you."
"I'm scared of l-losing you too," Em's voice cracked, "the way I feel about you hurts and makes me feel better at the same time, it scares me. I don't know what else could be worse."
Alison reached forward and grabbed Emily's hand, "not being together."
"What?"
"That would be worse. I can handle that."
Emily stared hard at Alison's face, soaking in everything. She must look like a mess in comparison, "Ali what if, I don't get better, what if-,"
"Shhh. Don't say that. You'll be fine. Memories or not, no one will love you less, especially me."
"You think so?"
Ali nodded, "I know it."
"I'll make new memories anyways right," Em asked optimistically.
"Exactly," Alison breathed, "listen Em, about earlier in the car and Charles, I don't know what came over me, I would never side with him and I'm so sorry about making you feel or think that I would, I just want you to know that-,"
"It's okay."
"What?"
"I said it's okay."
"No, no it's not. I love you and I know you were angry, so I have to make it right, I don't ever want you to think that you are not enough reason for me...I would move a mountain for you Emily."
Emily smiled faintly at this, "how," she asked playfully.
"One pebble at a time if I have to."
"Won't that take too long," Emily was smiling and pieces of Alison were slowly being stitched back together by it.
"Let me put it this way. In all the time I spent with you there were little bits and pieces of forever in them. Time is linear, so the past, present and future are all happening simultaneously. And when I was - when I'm with you - it feels like I'm living in forever, suspended in it, so moving a mountain would seem to take all but the blink of an eye after spending as much time with you as I have."
"Are you always like this," there was a twinkle that glinted in Emily's eyes and Alison knew it all too well.
"Like what?"
"Like this, do you just talk and make me feel like nothing I ever say will measure up or sound as nice?"
"No, sadly, I'm not. I cuss a lot and you scold me. And you usually do things that make me feel like nothing I do for you will ever measure up or mean as much."
"Hmph," Em shook her head, "well then we can't be apart then."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Amuse me."
"Well, if we are, then we won't have the best of both worlds."
Ali smiled, "I knew you were greedy all along."
"You have no idea," Emily smirked and Alison's heart skipped a beat.
"Em-,"
"Enough talking, it's my turn."
"Em-," Ali tried again, but failed.
"Come here," Emily reached out and placed one hand behind Ali's head, slowly and gently pulling the blonde closer, dropping her knees from her chest so her legs were stretched out in front of her, spread wide enough for Alison's body to fit when she fell closer.
"Let me do things out of order for once," Emily just barely breathed when their lips were inches apart. She used her other hand to hold Ali's waist and pull their bodies closer, Alison's jeans rubbing in the damp dirt so they stained her knees.
Ali couldn't fight, she was defenseless. Every nerve ending was firing and she deeply craved to be touched again in the way only Emily could touch her. It made her body ache with desire.
"Emily," it came out a ghostly whisper, Emily could've imagined it, "kiss me."
Emily lifted her eyes and there was no hesitation now, the look in Alison's told her this was okay, this was right.
Emily wanted this to be soft, she knew she was capable of doing that, but not now, passion won over.
That hand in Alison's hair twisted, tightening its grip until Ali's breath hitched and her mouth fell open, it was then that Emily crashed their mouths together, quickly closing the distance between their lips.
Soft pants escaped both their lips as they fought for dominance, breaking the kiss only to try harder. Emily almost growled when Alison pushed up on her knees and forced Emily's back forcibly into the tree behind her.
Emily's mouth opened in a hiss of pain and pleasure and Alison took the opportunity to attach her hungry lips to the newly exposed flesh of her lover's neck. She groaned at the familiar taste and ran her tongue along its length. Emily would always feel the same, taste the same, that wouldn't change.
The harder she sucked and Emily felt like her limbs would go slack, until Ali gave her a love bite and she realized how much stronger she was, yanking on the golden hair in her hand until Ali was forced to look at her.
Their gazes looked for a moment before Emily moved her hands to hold Ali's face, cupping her cheeks then moving one hand to hold the base of Ali's jaw, where she tilted it up until she could return the favor and kiss and suck and nibble along her neck, scraping her teeth down her throat.
Ali's head felt weightless, she was losing oxygen to her brain by not breathing. All she could focus on was the trail of fire Emily's touch left in its wake. Em's hands were everywhere and she didn't want it to stop.
When Emily got more bold and slipped her hand beneath the front hem of Ali's shirt, Ali fell against Em, pushing her back flush into the bark, "shit," Em hissed.
Ali moaned, she hadn't hear Emily cuss like this since-
Smooth, tanned hands traced up and down her the pale skin of her stomach and back and Alison didn't know when she did it, but she suddenly realized that she was straddled over Emily's thighs now, tempted to keep pushing this.
The snap on the back of her bra was released and it was like it snapped Ali back into the real world where time and space were actually real.
"Emily," she panted, she was truly breathless, still pushing harder into Emily despite her efforts to pull away.
Emily just groaned and held Ali tighter, biting down on her bottom lip.
"Em, babe, we have to stop."
It occurred to Emily that Ali was calling her that. That she started to call her that the moment she found her a crying heap on the ground.
"Say that again," she panted, just as breathless.
Ali kissed Emily back, hard, daring to dart her tongue out where it was met with another, dancing to a rhythm that they both knew so well.
"No," Ali put her hands on Em's well defined shoulders and pushed away. Emily leaned forward only to be - almost shoved - back into the tree.
Their eyes were wild, hair a tangled mess, shirts had ridden up slightly, showing just enough skin to make them both want to see it all.
"Why not," Emily was trying just as hard to catch her breath, her head spinning. She smiled and placed her hands on Ali's hips that were above her own, using them to lean up and place a kiss over Ali's chest, "I love you though."
"Don't do that, don't use that as a weapon against me, Emily."
"I'm not, weapons are for fighting, I don't think we were fighting do you?"
"We can't. Not here, not now...not yet," she added, swinging her knee over so she could sit in front of Emily...scooting until there was some space to breath. If Emily got any closer, she wouldn't be strong enough to stop again.
"We can't? Or you won't?"
"Stop doing that, don't make it that way. Y-you know I want to, but also you know we can't."
"Why not? We're alone, and I'm with you, that's all I need."
"No, it's not. And if you really think it is, fine, but that's not all you deserve. I told you, we made promises that we'd do this the right way, and I'm going to keep those promises. When the setting is right, when I've shown you who we are, and when the time is right."
"There's nothing left for you to prove though," Emily made a move forward again but Ali was quick to stop her.
"Emily, stop, what's the matter with you? What's gotten into you?"
Emily had a look of pain flash across her face, and then anger and pain again.
"Talk to me, Em."
Emily just shook her head.
"What's going on," she repeated, "you know you can tell me, what is it?"
And like she couldn't get the words out faster, she burst, "what if there is no right time? What if all we have left is now? What if we don't have the luxury of time, who knows what the hell is going to happen next, Alison."
"No, woah, calm down Em. Why are you thinking like that. We're going to get everyone back safe, nothing bad is going to happen."
"How can you be so certain, can you promise that?"
Ali was taken aback, lowering her head, "no, I can't. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't have hope," it didn't come out as smooth as she had hoped, "and I had my doubts about hope and I would never thought I would admit this, but I was hopeful that you would come out of those woods alive, hopeful that you weren't dead - that your heart was as strong as I know it is - I had hope that you would wake up from your coma, hope that you would get to make a recovery and come home, and so far, that's all happened.
"I won't credit it all to hope, but I know things could've been worse if I had just given up all hope and lost myself in a dark downward spiral, don't go down there. I used to live there and I don't want to see you there."
"So I should just hope that when tomorrow comes, I'll be 'home' with my friends and family and you? Hoping is going to help me?"
"Yeah, hope and me...and Caleb and Mona and Toby and Caleb. They all their own hopes about the way things happen next and what tomorrow will look like."
"What if I can't do it?"
Alison didn't answer Emily at first, she just stood, dusted herself off and held a hand out to Em, "you can, and I know you will, because that's the person you are. You were the one to help me stop spiraling down into despair. You can do it, because you deserve it and because I will be right here."
Emily looked away for a moment, at war with herself until she looked at Ali's hand and lifted her own into it.
Alison helped her up and when they stood, Emily stepped a little closer, "I can't wait to fall even more in love with you Alison."
"Ditto, Em."
Em laughed and scrunched her nose, "so much for that eloquence and romance in your words."
"I'm saving some for our first date, wait till you see where I take you."
"You already have an itinerary?"
"Maybe I do."
"I hope so."
Alison nudged Em, "see, you're already doing it."
Emily dropped her head and had a shy smile on her face, pushing the hair back behind ear when it fell to cover part of her face.
"Look at me," Ali softly brushed her thumb against Em's chin, the rest of her hand under it, using it to push Emily's head back up, "it gets dark when the sun sets, but do you know what that means?"
"What?"
"It just means we have another chance to catch the sun rising on a new day. We're going to watch the sun rise out of all of this tomorrow okay?"
Emily took a deep breath, "you did it again."
Ali laughed and grabbed Emily's hand, leading her back down the hillside, but before she could take another step, Emily pulled on her hand, forcing her back clumsily until they were face to face again.
"I wasn't done with you," Emily smirked again and Ali had a thought to protest until Emily again cut her off with her lips.
This kiss was gentle, it was soft, it was like the first kiss after Emily first said she loved Alison.
It was the kiss Ali wanted without knowing it. And it was over just as soon as it started.
Emily sighed and bowed her head until it bumped against Ali's.
"To tomorrow."
"To tomorrow," Ali repeated and then smirked as she added, "babe."
Emily smiled smugly before it turned into a totally red-face smitten, toothy smile, "tell me I don't get tired of the way that sounds."
"You don't...and you won't," Ali winked.
AN: where have I been? I don't even know lol
So I know some of you were...what's the right word here?...angry? upset? impatient? with me before that there was so much angst and it took the girls so long to have their first kiss...Well, that's because I didn't want to center this book on romance, and it's not...but don't worry, that time will come *tries to wink*
Bear with me on this because the angst will only (partly) be in a few more chapters and then there will be some (i hope, awesome) fluff to make up for it, I promise. I don't want to let you down, but I'm not a miracle worker, I can't and I know for certain that I won't please everyone.
Anyhooo, let me know what you thought about this junk I call my writing.
P.S. The Parsons' family story was just a way for me to show you guys that Ali is really having a hard time being the one to make decisions about what kind of people people really are, I drew the parallels to Charles's story for the sake of giving his character something to have in his arsenal (you'll find out what I mean when I post the next chapter, but no spoilers) so I hope you didn't hate it.
And to those badasses out there still reading, THANK YOU, love you.
xo Lina