DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS OR PLOTS. I ONLY OWN IZUMI AND ANY OTHER OC.

It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away.

Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

What If's

A year and a half ago...

Izumi woke up to someone shaking her. "Izumi-nee, wake up."

She opened her left eye purely out of habit and it took her a second to remember that it was useless now, that she couldn't see from it. "What's wrong Kagami?" She asked, sitting up on the bed as she closed her eye and opened her other one. She ignored her pounding heart, the sense of unease that came with having a nightmare. In all actuality, she was happy that the five year old boy woke her up.

Her nephew was standing next to the bed, holding onto a stuffed animal that Tobirama had gotten him for his birthday. "I had a nightmare." He answered, tightening his grip on toy dog.

She just nodded her head understandingly. She would do the same before when she was his age. She would crawl into Izuna or Arata's futon and feel immediately safer. "Here, you can sleep next to me then tonight." Izumi kept her left eye closed and watched as Kagami crawled into bed next to her.

"Izumi-nee, where's Tobi-nii?" He asked as he got comfortable next to her.

"He's...busy right now." As much as she wanted to answer his question, she couldn't because she herself didn't know what had happened, why Tobirama was avoiding them. "But it's fine. Go to sleep, okay? I'll be here." He nodded his head and burrowed his head into her shoulder. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep and Kagami's soft snores slight calmed Izumi down.

The past two weeks were almost like hell for her. Finding out two weeks back that she had a miscarriage and mixing that with her brother's death and Tobirama avoiding her, all of these things were starting to overwhelm her. Plus she needed to retrain her body because she was at a disadvantage with being blind in her left eye.

She had so much to do, yet had so little time.

Sighing, Izumi closed her eyes and tried to get as much sleep as she could.

One week later…

"Hashirama, how is...Tobirama?" Izumi asked. Hashirama turned his head around to her and was shocked. He believed that he had seen Izumi at her worst when Kazuyo died, but he was wrong. Looking at her now, he realized that what he saw before was nothing compared to now. Izumi was always on the thinner side, but she was practically skin and bones now. Her left eye was hidden by her hair, but it didn't hide the abnormal paleness of her skin.

"He's been fine. But what about you? Have you been eating Izumi?"

"Of course. I still have to cook for Kagami. But...why is he avoiding me?" Izumi looked at him and Hashirama couldn't help but feel saddened at her question.

"I wish I could tell you, but I don't know. He won't tell me."

"Oh...alright then. I'll take my leave." She bowed and left, not wanting to really talk to Hashirama anymore. It didn't matter because Hashirama was also at loss of what else to say to her.

She was so tired, she's never been this tired before. It took almost all her willpower to leave her bed lately. Of course, she still did what she was supposed to do as a Clan Head. It just took a little more work than before.

After a few minutes, she finally reached her house that she shared with Kagami when she felt a chakra she hasn't felt in almost a month. Tobirama. She rushed into the house but he had disappeared the moment he had sensed Izumi. "Fucking hell." Izumi cussed. Sighing, she took of her shoes and walked passed the dining room when something caught her eye, causing her to pause at the entrance to the room. Walking forward to the table, her eyes widened and a gasp came out of her mouth against her will. It was a ring. His ring. With a trembling hand, she slowly picked it up along with the slip of paper underneath to read it.

I'm sorry.

Izumi fell to her knees, his ring clattering against the wooden floor. She couldn't believe it, after all the promises that he made he actually broke it, along with her heart. She couldn't take it anymore, all this pain and suffering. She can't keep up with it, how could she? Losing her last brother, her onī-san, she couldn't do it anymore.

One tear fell and another, until they wouldn't stop. Izumi cried and cried to her hearts content, until something in her snapped.

She was done.

The tears that were streaming down her face stopped and she grabbed his ring. Pocketing it, she stood up and went straight to her room. Grabbing a bag that Izumi knew was hers, she starting folding and placing all of her belongs into it. When that was finished, she went to Kagami's room and started putting all of his items into a scroll since there were too many to carry.

It took a while, but after about an hour Izumi was finished and left the house, vowing to never look back. She shunshined to the Hokage tower and stormed up to Hashirama's office, a key in her hand. Throwing open the door, a startled Hashirama sat at his desk.

"Izumi?"

She walked up to his desk and slammed the key onto it. "You can tell your brother that he can have his damn house back. I've gotten rid of all my items, along with Kagami's." He quickly looked at the key and her hand, and that was when realization hit.

"Did Tobi-"

"I don't want to hear his name. Just tell him, that just like he wants, we're over. His house is his again and he sure as hell doesn't have to deal with us anymore. I'll be moving back into the Uchiha Compound if you need anything." Whirling around, she left the room without another word.

Three months later...

October

Stabbing the man, Izumi felt a sadistic type of pleasure as she saw fear in the man's eyes before he died, leading her to rip her katana out. Before, she'd never feel something like this when killing, but war changes people. It changes the way you view death, the way you kill. She thought she already experienced war when she was younger, when she fought the Senju. But she was wrong, a war like this is worse.

Shaking her head to rid of the slight pain that came along using her Mangekyō, she flicked the blood off of her blade and could not help but feel a type of pity for the Kumo-nins that they encountered.

"Izumi-sama, is this the last of the group?"

She turned around and looked at the man walking up to her. He was actually one of the few Uchiha Shinobi that still respected Izumi despite all the rumors and insults he had heard about her. "Yes." Sheathing her katana, she motioned for him to follow. "This group were just scouts, I can tell. I have a feeling that more will be coming. Get the medics and tell them to heal the badly wounded first, others with minor injuries will have to wait." She ordered.

"Hai." He bowed and left, leaving Izumi alone. She didn't mind being alone, in fact she loved it. People of her own village were too afraid to talk to her now, especially after the beginning of the week. She remembered how that young man made killing seem as if it was fun, as if he enjoyed the feeling of taking a life.

She couldn't believe it. Hashirama ordered her to command a group of shinobi to prevent Kumogakure from further invading into the Land of Fire. It wasn't as if she had enough to deal with already. She didn't know who or how but someone had found out about her miscarriage and Izumi was practically being shunned by her own clan now. The only people who even bothered talking to her from her clan were Noizumi and the rest in the Council.

After a long day of battling against foreign nins, all she wanted was to wash off the blood from her body and sleep, and to not ever wake up—not that she would do that, but one could only hope. Wincing from the sudden pain in her head, she held up hand up against her left eye and pressed down to ease whatever pressure she could before standing up to head to her tent. Walking past the shinobi she commanded, she could hear the snickers and see the sneers her so-called 'comrades' gave her. And it was all because of him. They all knew that he left her—for what reason, they didn't and wouldn't know—but the damage had been done. No one respected her, no one listened to her.

So Izumi ignored them and continued on her way when a conversation caused her to stop. Slowly turning around, the group of shinobi talking to themselves were laughing about something the man standing had said. He had said that he almost laughed at seeing the dying face of a Kumo-nin, that he had just smiled and wished him luck in hell. Not many things could anger Izumi, but one was disrespect while another was this, mocking the dead. She may have taken many lives, but she respected each and every one of them.

She pushed away the shinobi surrounding the man, and stormed up to the man. Grabbing the front of his shirt, she pulled him down to her height and glared at him with her Mangekyō activated in one eye and the white of her other.

"Don't you dare laugh at taking a life. There is nothing fun about doing it." Izumi knew that majority of the camp was watching them now, but she didn't care. Make this a lesson for everyone. "People like you disgust me. You have no remorse for the life you just took. You think that just because you killed an enemy you have every right to mock their death."

"But they're the enemy, there's a difference-"

"Do you not realize that they're fighting for their own village? For their own comrades and loved ones? The only thing that makes us different than them is the village and people we fight for. Other than that?" She emphasized each word she said. "There is no fucking difference." The man furiously nodded his head. "If I hear any of you mocking the dead, you'll soon join them." Izumi released the man and walked off, still ignoring the looks she got from her fellow 'comrades'.

Izumi was known throughout the battlefield as the one-eyed killer and she feared from the enemy. She knew why, she realized why. She killed without hesitation. But by doing that, she killed something inside of her. She had too, there was no other way. In order to do something like this she needed to make herself...immune to killing. She had to cut all emotion tied to it.

Taking a deep breath, she held her hand against her eye and tried to ignore the pounding headache she was getting. They were getting worse lately, she realized this. Especially after Connie's death, the pain came in mere minutes if she used too much of her chakra. It was almost as if...Connie had protected her from the headaches before.

"...Fuck." This was a bad one, probably one of Izumi's worst headaches. But she would get through them, just like the others. She just needed to wait another month until she would be able to go home and get the well needed rest she needed.

Just one month...one month.

Six months later…

April

Izumi walked up to Mito and Hashirama's house and knocked on the door. It opened a second later and she smiled, something she realized she hasn't been doing much lately.

"Mito."

"Izumi! Come in, Kagami's in the living room." Nodding her head, she took off her shoes and followed after the energetic redhead.

"Izumi-nee!" Kagami ran towards Izumi and threw his arms her. "You're back!"

"I'm back for good this time." She wrapped her own arms around him. "Now, clean up so I can take you home." He nodded his head and ran off, probably towards the guest room that Hashirama and Mito always let Kagami stay in.

"How do you you'll stay for good this time?" Mito asked after they settled down onto the couch.

Looking at her, Izumi couldn't help but noticed something...different about her. It was almost as if there was this glow surrounding her. "Hashirama said that the Uchiha Clan Head needed to stay in Konoha." She shrugged. "I didn't question him. I needed to come home."

"That's good."

"Yeah, I guess." They stayed silent, only the sounds Kagami was making resonating throughout the room. But Izumi broke it by narrowing her eyes at Mito. "Did something happen? You seem...happier."

"W-What? No-"

"Don't lie." Izumi leaned back against the couch. "What happened while I was gone?"

Mito started fiddling with her long hair. She now looked uneasy, as if she was conflicted. "I don't know...I don't think I should tell you."

"That's some bull. You can tell me anything, remember?"

"But… It feels wrong." Izumi waved her hand nonchalantly. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Mito looked at her. "I went to the hospital earlier today and...I found out I'm expecting."

Izumi didn't react for a few seconds, in fact she froze, not expecting that. "That's...wonderful Mito."

"I knew it, I shouldn't have said anything-"

"No, really. That is wonderful." She truly was happy for her friend, but she couldn't help but feel a type of sadness that Izumi knew the reason off.

"Izumi-nee, I'm ready!" Startled out of her thoughts, she stood up and picked Kagami up.

"Congratulations Mito." She forced a smile onto her face and it seemed to fool Mito because she too started smiling.

"...Thank you Izumi."

"Well, we'll be taking our leave. What do you say Kagami?" She looked at her nephew.

Kagami put on a smile full of innocence only a child seemed to possess. "Thank you for having me Mito-neesan!"

The Senju Matriarch just laughed. "You two are welcomed anytime, okay?"

They all said their goodbyes and as Izumi walked through the Senju Compound, she couldn't help but hear the conversations of the people around her. It was an anomaly for a Uchiha to be walking around in the Senju Compound but that's not what managed to catch her attention. It was the laughing.

"I knew it, I knew that Tobirama-sama would leave her."

"Of course he would, why would he stay with the likes of her?"

"She's pathetic, I heard she even lost his child."

"She's practically useless then! Who would even want to marry her now? She's...used."

Hearing that, Izumi couldn't help but hold Kagami even tighter.

"It's okay Izumi-nee." She looked at him and saw a smile on his face. "I'll marry you!"

"...Oh Kagami." She felt a wave of emotions rush through her. "Thank you, but you need to find someone better than I am."

"But you're awesome!"

Izumi laughed, her real one in months. "What about that one girl you told me about before? The one in your class?" He turned red and turned his head away from her, now too embarrassed to even look at her. "See?"

"F-Fine! But you're still awesome!"

"Oh you silly child."

Later that night…

Izumi was staring at herself in the mirror. Surprisingly, her hair was pulled up in a ponytail and her white eye was staring uselessly at nothing.

Mito was with a child. She'd be able to see as her stomach grew larger and larger as the months passed. She'd be able to be a mother to a child that would grow each and every day. Izumi, on the other hand, would never get to experience something like that. And even if she did in the future, with who? No one would love her and she knew that she couldn't love another anymore, not when she gave her heart to that man.

Were those Senju women right? Was she really useless?

There was a large, white line on Izumi's abdomen that the light from the moon shone on. She traced it with her finger and felt a dull pulse of pain come from it. It was purely mental, but did it really matter? A child… If she hadn't jumped in front of that blade to save him, she would have given birth by now and the child would be a month old. That would have meant she was a mother to a child, something that she was never able to experienced.

A sob tore itself from her mouth. She was just 23 years old, and she already feels twice and old. She was so tired, she's seen too much death for her age. 23 and used, 23 and pathetic.

She really was useless, just like those women said earlier. She was ugly, who would even want to look at her anymore? She was blind in one eye and slowly losing her eyesight in the other. Pathetic, weak, useless—those words all rang true. She couldn't look at herself anymore, she couldn't. Letting out a cry of frustration she punched the mirror and shattered it. Leaning her head against the wood behind the mirror, she sobbed. No tears fell, but she still mourned for everything. "Izuna… I don't know what to do anymore." Izumi felt something flow down her arm. It must have been blood, a cut that she made because of the shattered glass. "I don't think I can continue..." But no, there was still Kagami. She still needed to keep going for him. "...I miss you so much Izuna. Things would be so much easier if you were here." Izumi whispered. But she promised him that she'd continue living, for his son. For Kagami, she'd do anything.

Anything.

Four months later…

August

"Noizumi, come over here for a second."

The younger man walked over to her desk. "Izumi-sama?"

Turning around, Izumi looked at him with her only eye. "If...something were to happen to me, I'm making you in charge of the clan until Kagami turns of age."

He stood there, frozen, until he realized what she had just said. "W-Wait, what are you talking about?"

"We're in a middle of war. Who knows how long any of us have." She sighed and placed her hand on her forehead. "It's not just that. I know that many people wish for me to leave my place as Clan Head. I know that majority of the Clan hates me. In fact, we all know that."

"Still-"

She chuckled, but it wasn't from amusement. It was a dark one, one that sounded as if she was...finished. "I don't plan on dying anytime soon, but if something were to happen."

"...Are you sure Izumi-sama?" Noizumi looked at her worryingly.

"Of course I am. I'm writing it down as we speak." But he didn't seem...as happy as she thought he would be. "What's wrong? I thought you wanted something like this."

"It's just that..."

"You'll be fine. You've worked under Madara before his defection and you now work under me. You'd be a fine Clan Head if something were to happen to me."

He nodded his head. "If you say so. But may I ask another question?"

"Sure." Izumi leaned back on her chair and looked at him. He had gotten taller lately, she noticed. He was now 18, so different compared to before.

"Is everything okay Izumi-sama?"

"Of course everything is." Izumi sighed and stood up. "Now, back to work. I'll be leaving early today, if you don't mind."

"Not at all." Bowing, Noizumi left the room. The moment he closed the door, she dropped her facade and sat back down on her chair. In front of anyone, she made sure it seemed as if nothing was wrong. She made sure that everything she did was something that the old Izumi would have done. But lately...it was getting harder and harder for her to do even that. She was so tired lately, the only reason she even got out of bed these days were for her nephew. Other than that, she didn't care. The village could be burning for all she knew and she'd be laying in her bed, waiting for the flames to take her.

Izumi knew why she was acting like this, it was purely because of everything. The rumors, the insults, the names that were being thrown at her. They were getting to her. She thought that she was able to ignore them, to continue living as if there was nothing wrong, but she was a fool. There was no way she could continue living as if there was nothing wrong. She had lost a child and a lover in a span of weeks, there was absolutely no possible way she could ever rebound back to her old 'happy' self. She rarely ate anymore, she only cooked enough food for Kagami and that was about it. But even the six year old boy could sense something, he would always give her a hug and tell her how 'awesome' his Izumi-nee was whenever she did something little for him.

If she folded his clothes and put them away? "You're awesome Izumi-nee!"

When she made him his obento for lunch? "It was so good, you're so cool Izumi-nee!"

Whenever she tucked him into sleep? "I love you Izumi-nee!"

The little things like this helped her, whether he knew it or not. It helped her wake up and the hugs Kagami gave before he left for school kept her going throughout day. But...it was getting harder and harder lately. For some reason, she keeps thinking about before, when everything was good. When she still had siblings, when she still had friends,

When she still had a lover.

Izumi hasn't seen him in almost a year. It surprised her really, how fast time can fly by. She tells herself that she doesn't love him anymore, that her heart left alongside him when he did, but it's hard to say that when she finds herself reaching for their rings that now hang around her neck. It hard to say that she doesn't love him anymore when she wakes up and longs to hear his voice. It hard when she wants to remember what it felt to be safe, to be at home in his arms. But it did not matter anymore. There was always that one simple fact that stopped Izumi from going out of her way to find him and talk to him.

It was the fact that he broke his promise and left.

After practically dying for him, you'd think that he'd be more grateful...was what she thought at first, when she was still the old Izumi. But now, she didn't think that anymore. Now she didn't think anything of it anymore.

Sighing, Izumi gathered her things and left. There was no point in thinking about him anymore. He left her and that was it, there was no more.

Two months later…

October

She woke up screaming with her head pounding. Shooting up straight in her bed, she tried to calm down, but her dream-

"I-Izumi-nee?" Whirling her head to the door, she saw Kagami standing there. "I um...heard screaming."

Breathing hard, Izumi realized she must have woken him up. She ran her hand through her hair and looked at him. "I'm sorry Kagami, you can go back to bed. I just had a bad dream."

"A-Are you sure?"

She nodded her head. "Yes, now go. You have school in the morning." He took one last look before walking away, letting her lean against the wall behind her.

The dreams were getting worse lately, this was the third time this week that she woke Kagami up because of them. Her heart still pounding, she tried to forget the flashes of her dream but they wouldn't go away. She saw Madara dying in her arms, she saw him leaving her, she saw herself killing faceless beings.

What was wrong with her? She never asked for any of this, she just wanted to live her life in peace now. She hasn't taken a life in months, she didn't want to take one either. She didn't want to fight, she didn't want to do anything bad. Yet, she dreamed of the amount of death she's brought to the world. Why wouldn't the dreams stop? When would the dreams stop?

Taking deep breaths, she left her bed and walked to Kagami's room to make sure he had fallen back asleep. She carefully opened his door and thankfully, he had fallen back asleep.

Kagami...before, he was enough to keep her going, to keep her from leaving. But now, Izumi knew that it wasn't enough anymore. The freedom of death taunts her, to be able to leave this world behind and to see her family again. But she told herself that Kagami needed her, just until he was old enough. That his love towards her was enough to keep her going.

But those were all lies, it wasn't enough. She could feel herself slipping away little by little everyday, she could feel herself wanting to just leave this life behind. She longed to hear her father's voice, or to see all of her brothers again. She longed to talk to her best friend again and tell her about everything that she kept secret. Izumi knew she'd be happier there instead of where she was now. She woke up and everything was black and white, the only color in her life were Akane and Kagami. That was it and even then, it was still dull. She hadn't seen Mito or Hashirama in months, she always had her paperwork sent to Hashirama through Noizumi so she didn't have to see him. She didn't want too, it hurt to much just because of him. Izumi was just so tired now. She wanted to sleep and never wake up. Because for her?

There was basically no reason to be alive.

Izumi closed Kagami's bedroom door and walked back to her own room to sleep.

One week later…

She needed some air, to have some time to herself. Climbing up to the top of the Hokage Monument was tiring, but she managed to do it. But what she didn't realize that someone was already there, a person that she hasn't seen in a year. Izumi didn't sense him but he should have, so why was he here? It didn't matter, she was quiet when she came here so-

"Izumi?" She froze and saw him turn around. He looked the same as he did before, just a little thinner. Go him, for being able to continue living. Go him for being able to move on.

"Hello." She greeted in monotone. She needed to put on her mask, to fool him in thinking that she hasn't thought about him in months when in reality she's been thinking about him almost everyday. He took a step forward, but she took a step back. Izumi needed too, if he got any nearer to her the facade she was pulling would fall apart and break. She couldn't let him see her like that.

"How...have you been?"

"I have been fine. I am sorry for interrupting you, so I will be leaving." Turning around, she started walking back down but was stopped by a hand on her arm, a hand that belonged to him.

"Izumi, wait-"

She ripped her arm out of his hands and didn't turn around. "I do not want to talk to you right now. Goodbye." And she left, not turning around to look at him because if she did, she knew that she wouldn't be able to leave.

November

"Kagami, come here." She bend down to his height and watched as he walked over to where she was.

"What's wrong Izumi-nee? I have all my stuff for Mito-neesan's house ready."

She forced a smile. "It's not about that." Izumi started fixing his hair and clothes. "I won't be coming back for a long time, okay?" He furrowed his forehead. "Be a good boy for Mito, okay?"

"Where are you going?"

"It's a secret." She placed both of her hands on his cheeks. She was so sorry, she knew that when he was older he'd understand why. She hoped that he would understand her reasons, that he wouldn't hate her the choices she made and that he'd forgive her. But she knew that someone like her didn't deserve something as nice as that. Forgiveness was something earned, not wished. "But I'll see you again, okay?"

"No!" Kagami suddenly threw his arms into her and squeezed. "I don't want you to go!"

"Kagami-"

"Why are you leaving again? I don't want you too!"

Izumi gently removed his arms. "Because I have too. Don't worry, Mito and Hashirama will take good care of you. And you have Akane-chan and Noizumi, right?"

"But..."

She placed her forehead on his. "Don't worry, okay? Even when I'm gone I'll be with you. I love you, that's why." She stood up and waited for Kagami to hold onto his hand. "Now let's go."

They walked for a while and even with Kagami, she could hear the insults that her fellow clan members gave her. She could see the sneers and frowns that were directed towards her. But it didn't matter anymore, with today she wouldn't have to see or hear any of them anymore. It all ended today.

It took longer than usual but when they finally reached Mito's house, she took out the letter she wrote and put it in Kagami's bag.

"What's that?" He asked, trying to turn around to see what she was doing.

"It's a letter for Mito. Tell her to read it tomorrow, okay?" He slightly hesitated but nodded his head.

"Okay." Smiling, she gave him one last kiss on his forehead before knocking on Mito's door. "Izumi-nee?" She looked down at him. "I love you too."

Her face fell for a second before she smiled. "Me too Kagami."

The door opened and Mito stood there, confusion written all over her face. "Izumi? What are you doing here?"

Izumi pushed Kagami forward. "I know this is sudden but I need you to watch Kagami for now. If...something were to happen just contact Noizumi and he'll take care of him."

"Oh...alright then." She purposely kept her eye on Mito's face because she knew that her stomach would be big with an unborn child.

"I'm sorry." Bowing, she looked at Kagami one last time.

"It's no problem. Come, Kagami." Mito moved a little to the side to let him walk into the house.

"Bye."

Two hours later…

Eight P.M.

"Mito, why exactly is Kagami here?"

Mito turned around and looked at him confusingly. "What do you mean? Didn't you give Izumi a mission?"

"What are you talking about? No I didn't." Hashirama realized something sounded off. He walked over to Kagami and bend down to look at the boy. "Kagami, did Izumi happen to tell you where she went?"

"N-No. She just said she'd be gone for a long time. That's it."

"Anything else?" He shook his head. "Tell me exactly what she said, the whole conversation."

"Wel...Izumi-nee said that she wouldn't be coming for a long long time. Then she said she'd always be with me and that she loves me." He pursed his lips as he thought of anything else. "But she gave me a letter and said to give it to you tomorrow." Warning bells starting ringing in Hashirama's head. Why would she do that? Why would she write a letter and tell them to read it the next day?

"What's wrong Hashirama?" Mito walked over to them.

"Kagami, give me the letter."

"But Izumi-nee said tomorrow."

Hashirama frowned but continued. "I understand but she might be in trouble." The boy took a few seconds to think but in the end, he grabbed his bag and took out a letter that had Mito and Hashirama's name on it.

"This is the letter. But I kinda promised Izumi-nee earlier that I wouldn't give it to Mito-neesan until tomorrow."

"It's okay if you break this promise Kagami, okay?" Hashirama took the letter and opened it, Mito next to him.

"Hashirama, what if..." He knew the silent question she was asking, and it scared him because he didn't know the answer to it.

"I don't know Mito." They unfolded the paper together and started to read it.

Dear Mito and Hashirama,

If you two are reading this, that means that a day has already passed since you last saw me. I'm sorry, but I won't be coming back. I know that...raising Kagami will be hard when you have a child with you, so please inform Noizumi about Kagami since he is to become the Clan Head until Kagami is of age.

You must be asking why. Well, here's the answer. I can't stand it anymore, the screaming that I hear in my head everyday. I see the dead every time I blink and hope that when I sleep, I will be left alone but I'm not, they torment me in my dreams too. I know what my clan members say about me, I hear what everyone says about me and I'm tired of it. I tried my best to continue on, especially for Kagami but I just can't do it anymore. Please do not hate me and I hope that one day, you will forgive me for the choice I made. And please, do not hate yourselves for this. It was an inevitable situation that was bound to happen sooner or later. But I do understand if you do not forgive me. There are many reasons to why I chose this path but in the end, it was because of losing both my child and...him that I can't stand to live anymore. You may hate me for leaving behind my nephew, but even that ball of sunshine can't save me anymore. Nothing can.

I'm sorry.

Izumi

When they both finished reading it, Mito let out a scream and Hashirama let out a curse, both of which scared Kagami.

"W-What did it say?"

"Nothing Kagami, go to your bedroom please." Kagami opened his mouth to say something, but even the six year old boy could tell that something was wrong. Listening to Hashirama, he ran down the hall and to the room that they always let him borrow.

Hashirama let out a ragged sigh as he reread the entire letter. It was his fault, why didn't he realize that she was hurting? It was obvious! The documents that she would have brought to him herself stopped and in her place was Uchiha Noizumi. She made him deliver all the important documents because she didn't want to see him. It was clearly obvious but why didn't he see it? Why?

But he did know why, thinking back now he realized that he didn't know what to say to her after Tobirama left her.

Then suddenly, Hashirama could sense his younger brother's chakra approaching the house in a speed that had made him famous. "Hashirama, what's wrong? I heard Mito screaming."

"It's Izumi." He held the letter to him. "She's going to kill herself." Handing the letter to Tobirama, he turned to his wife and started consoling her. Mito was blaming herself, when it wasn't her fault. They stayed like that for a few seconds until Tobirama finished reading the letter.

"A...child? She was with a child?" He asked in a disbeliving voice.

Mito looked at him, her eyes red from crying. "She never told you?" He shook his head. "When she protected you that day, the katana stabbed through her abdomen and it killed the child. She didn't know about it until I told her later."

There were sounds of crumpling and when Hashirama looked, he was shocked to see tears falling from Tobirama's eyes.

"It's all because of me that she's doing this." He felt Mito push his hands away and watched as his wife walked up to his brother.

"You know what, it is." An not even a second later, the crack of skin contacting skin echoed throughout the room and on Tobirama's face was a red hand mark. "What man leaves his lover during a time of need? And I had to hear from Hashirama that you just left her without even a reason."

"There was a reason." He said immedietly. "It's a pathetic reason, but one nonetheless." He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. "I still remember that hopeless feeling, the sound that blade made as it stabbed her. I see it every night when I sleep. I can barely look at myself in the mirror, knowing that I had almost killed her. How can someone like that be anywhere near that person? I love her and I tried to explain it to her when I accidentally saw her at the monument. But it didn't matter, she didn't even want to look at me. That's why I left, because I knew I had no right to be anywhere near her. Even when I wanted too, my conscience would not let me." There was so much pain in his voice, a pain Hashirama knew that still haunted his younger brother.

"Well, she needs you now." Hashirama looked at his brother. "Go, find her and tell her. She may not forgive you, but it may be the one thing that'll keep her alive."

Tobirama nodded his head and used his Hiraishin.

He needed to find her and tell her, he needed too. He just hoped that he wasn't too late.

"Izumi no!"

"Let me go!" She screamed out. She was dangling off the edge, the only thing keeping her from falling to her death was a hand that held onto her arm. "Please!"

"No!"

"Tobirama, please." She cried out. She wanted an end, this was her closure. She didn't want to continue living anymore. "I don't want to go back!"

"You have people that still love you. They're waiting back at home."

"I have no home, don't you understand? You destroyed whatever semblance to home I had! You were my home!"

He opened his eyes and she saw tears in them. "I'm sorry. I never knew that I caused you so much pain and you don't have to forgive me, but please don't do this. I still love you."

"D-Don't."

"I love you Izumi, so please continue living."

"Please."

"Remember?" Izumi looked at him and for the first time in months, their eyes met. "I'll be there every step of the way."

"S-Stop!" At this point, she was sobbing. She still held onto his ring. Why was he here, why did he come? "It hurts too much to continue Tobirama."

"I know it hurts, but there are people still there for you. You're not alone." Tobirama could feel his hand starting to slip on her arm. He needed to lift her up now if he wanted to save her. Grabbing onto it with his other arm, he began to lift her up. With one last burst of strength, he pulled her up and fell back onto the ground with Izumi in his arms. There were both breathing heavily, and she was crying.

But nothing else mattered at the moment. Izumi was safe in his arms now, everything else could wait.

A/N: SO she didn't die. As much as my darker side of my mind said to kill her, the nicer side won and was like don't kill her. So, I hope this chapter was angst because I sure as hell don't really know for sure if it is or not since I wrote it. My friend says that I underestimate myself when it comes to writing and I totally do, especially when its angst.

So...was it angst?

But I hope you enjoyed this chapter because I sure as hell enjoyed writing it. I put on some Assassin's Creed and Thief game music and just zone into this story. I can get so focused that two to three hours end up passing by when I look at the time xD But I will say the the ending to this chapter sucks ass and for that I totally apologize.

In the story, you guys read that they were at 'war'. Now, the First Shinobi War hasn't started yet, but like every single world war there were two countries that starting fighting first, and this is what you see in the story. I made it as Kumogakure for now, but who knows what the newer chapters are going to be like. But I will say this, the ending to this story is basically the start of In Time. Like I have an epilogue planned out and that's the Fourth Shinobi War and Izumi will be in it. How, I'm not telling besides the obvious Edo Tensei but other then that? Read the upcoming chapters.

So for today's recommendation, it is the Pulse Series by Patrick Carman. It's a sort of post apocalyptic story that kinda has a supernatural twist to it. The main character finds out she has a telekinetic power that she falls in love and blah blah blah. If you want to know more about it then totally read it because it's wonderful and great. I love it, so you may too.

That's about it this time so don't forget to leave a review and a follow/fav. if you haven't already!

Until next time!~