Where Magic Flows
M. Lauren
Part One: Of the Water
"Something has happened in Northuldra. I can feel it."
Kristoff leapt up from his seated position by the door. He rapidly blinked. His wife paid no mind. Anna continued right passed him as she headed quickly for the stairs.
"What? Wait! Anna!" Kristoff balked. He scrambled after her, trying to keep up. "Where are you going? What are you doing? Wait, what did the doctor say?"
Anna flinched as he caught her arm. He spun her toward him slowly. Kristoff's eyes were low, and Anna sucked down on her bottom lip when she saw the concern burning behind them.
"It's nothing." She answered curtly. "I'm fine. The doctor said I'm fine. It must be nerves or something."
"Or something?" Kristoff frowned. "Please don't lie to me, Anna. That something had you you really upset in there."
Anna tugged harshly from his grasp and continued again for the stairs. "It's not important right now! I really need you to trust me on that. Elsa is in trouble, and helping her takes precedence."
His shoulders lowered in defeat. Kristoff fought a groan. "I don't even know how you could possibly know that, but Anna, please! You can't wander off into the forest right now. Not with Arendelle in the state that it is, and certainly not with your health in question."
"My health is fine!" Anna quickly defended herself. She reached the bottom steps and began to cross the hall.
Kristoff was following closely behind her. "Your health is fine, but you just had yourself locked in our bedroom for hours. There is something you don't want to tell me and it has nothing to do with your sister!"
"Why can't you let this go?" she begged.
"Because I'm stubborn!" he shouted after her. "And because you know me better than that. You need to meet me halfway here. Then, we can decide about how to move forward for Elsa's sake. Now, tell me what's wrong, and please don't make me ask again."
"Fine!" Anna spun on him, finding Kristoff standing much closer to her than she would have thought. Her extended finger brushed his chest, and her eyes suddenly turned wild.
Anna's hands pulled anxiously across her face. Her body shook and she stared at him.
"I'm pregnant, okay? Are you happy now? You heard what you needed to hear, so if you'll please excuse me. I have to get back to finding my sister!"
But Anna didn't move. She couldn't turn from him. Her feet froze to the floor, watching as shock stretched over Kristoff's face.
He had paled. His jaw tipped open. Kristoff was staring at her with an expression that wavered between passing out and bursting into tears.
"What?" The word fell from his lips. He dragged in a sharp breath.
Anna's hand clasped tight around her waist and she began to fidget with her fingers.
"Pregnant." she said again, but slower this time. Her eyes dropped to the floor.
Anna felt the moisture building behind her eyes. There was a lump in her throat, and her shoulders curled forward protectively.
"Are you going to say anything?" Anna circled her toes into the tile.
"I-" Kristoff stammered. "I would, but… you are really upset about this?"
"No…" Anna sighed, still looking at her feet. "I just… don't have time to get excited about it yet…" She brushed a lone tear from her cheek.
Kristoff stepped toward her then. Anna couldn't help but tense as his hand raised, and she shivered when his fingers stroked the back of her head. Very slowly, Kristoff directed her to his chest, his arms wrapping loosely around Anna's waist.
As his hold tighten, Anna began to cry.
"I'm sorry!" She managed between tears. "I know I've hurt you. This is why I didn't want to say anything yet!"
"Shh…" He soothed. His hand caressed the length of Anna's spine. "You didn't hurt me. You couldn't, but please, don't fight yourself for feeling this way."
Anna drew back to see him through her tears. "But I should be excited, and I can't because the children of Arendelle are sick, and Elsa can't hear my call! There is something wrong, don't you see? We can't have a baby right now!"
Kristoff stifled a laugh. "Well, lucky for us, babies take a bit of time before making their first appearance. And as for the rest of it, we will figure it out. That's what you have me for, to help you through life. Now, what do you need me to do?"
Anna sniffled, pulling from her husband's arms. She whipped her nose on her sleeve and quickly dried her tears.
"You're right." She whispered. "I can't leave Arendelle. My responsibility is here. I will send Mattias and his men to check on Elsa. They will make sure she's alright."
Anna didn't like her own answer. Kristoff could see that, and so he shook his head.
"Why don't I go?" He told her. "I know how much you need her here. I will find out what is going on in Northuldra, and see to it that Elsa makes it back to us right away."
Her head tilt and the tears returned to her eyes. "I-I shouldn't bother her! Elsa has enough going on, and- wait, you would do that for me?" Anna stumbled emotionally through her words.
Kristoff's lips lowered to her forehead. "Of course I would. I would do anything you asked me to."
"But I need you here." She cried. "Is that selfish of me?"
A slow smile spread across his face. "No, but I will tell you what. Give me two days to collect Elsa, and we will both be back here at your side, faster that Sven can finish a carrot.
"We will get through this together, Anna. I promise. There is no need to stress."
She dried her eyes once more. "Okay," Anna pouted.
"Okay."
Kristoff kissed Anna, brushing his lips softly against hers. His hand settled against her waist, and the second caressed her cheek.
"Go, rest a while longer." he instructed. "I will send Gerda up with some tea."
Anna barely shrugged. Her eyes fell away. She took a slow step back toward the stairs and then turned.
Kristoff watched her go, caught between emotions himself. Anna reached the steps and started her way up them. Her shoulders were pulled forward. Her hands held tight at her side.
Her breathing was shallow, too, when suddenly, she stopped. Frowning, Anna spun back to him.
"Kristoff…" She whispered. Her voice was small.
He took a single step towards her before Anna came running back into his arms.
"I love you." She breathed, holding her face into his neck.
He drew his arms tighter around her. "I love you too, Anna."
Their journey back to the village was slow moving. Honeymaren limped along. The bump on her head had her swaying, and left her vision dizzied. Yet, she continued without complaint. Tucked under Elsa's arm, she allowed herself to be directed cautiously down hill.
"Are you worried?" Honeymaren asked after a long moment passed between them.
The sky above their heads had quickly grown dark. Distant stars began to shine through the endless blue. Knowing nightfall would make navigating over Gale's destruction more difficult, Elsa was forced to pick up speed.
"I think, worried is an understatement at this point." Elsa emitted a small laugh. "Last week I was worried, but now I am scared… scared and overwhelmed, really…"
Honeymaren nodded. She pulled her shall further around her arms. "I am scared, too."
Elsa turned to her and they shared a sad smile. "I will figure it out." She promised.
Honeymaren shook her head. "Together." She encouraged. "We can figure it out together. You have a whole village behind you now, Elsa. Don't forget that."
Her grip on Honeymaren loosened. Elsa quickly looked away. "You sound like Anna. I am not great at asking for help, or at letting people in. Perhaps it's because of the nature of the events I find myself involved in, but I am not in the habit of risking the lives of others."
"Yes, I have noticed that risking your own life is more your speed."
Turning, Elsa watched as Honeymaren arched her brow. A slow smirk started it's way across her dark cheeks.
"Poor family trait, I'm afraid. It appears all the women in my family make a bad habit of that…"
"You could start the transition, you know?" Honeymaren nudged her. "You could change your families ways by learning to rely on the Northuldra to help you."
Elsa hummed. Her eyes pulled back to the trail. "I will think about it."
Their conversation drifted off as the quiet night settled around them. Only the sounds of their footsteps were heard as they continued. The animals of the forest remained hidden away. Gales tirade had sent them scurrying and they had yet to reappear. It was eerie, unsettling even, that Gales violence could spook the entire forest into silence.
"What is your plan?" Honeymaren whispered. "How would you go about handling this on your own?"
Elsa considered her for a moment. Her eyes briefly traveled to Honeymaren's before turning to her feet.
"It may sound strange, but I believe the illness in Arendelle may hold some answers. I am not suggesting it caused the spiritual imbalance, however, I can no longer ignore the possibility that they may be related."
"It does seem strange that both Arendelle and Northuldra would be facing catastrophes at the same time. Both, barely a year after your sister has become queen, and you, the fifth spirit." Honeymaren agreed.
She pulled from Elsa's hold, stopping her when Elsa tried to follow with her hands.
"I'm okay." Honeymaren assured her. "I will let you know if I get dizzy again, but it's easier to think this way."
Elsa pushed her hair behind her ears, revealing the blush circling her neck. "I'm sorry. That wasn't very appropriate of me."
Honeymaren laughed. "I think we can forget what is and isn't appropriate right now, don't you think? After All, I did just take a rock to the head."
"I suppose so." Elsa whispered. "Though, the last thing I'd want to do is make you uncomfortable."
Honeymaren pursed her lips. Her fingers flexed in irritation. "That aside, I think it may be time to consider that there are other forces at work here. I can't help but feel that what's going on is some desperate ruse to keep us distracted from the bigger picture at play."
Nodding, Elsa began fidgeting with her hands. "I had that thought as well. Someone, or something, wants to weaken us, to make us feel vulnerable. If I tell you something, will you promise to keep it between us?"
Honeymaren frowned. "Of course, Elsa."
Elsa faced her hands as she fought for the words. She wasn't skilled in the art of sharing her thoughts. Honeymaren knew this, and placed a hand on Elsa's arm for encouragement.
"Back at the river," Elsa began. "Something happened… something I am not sure how to explain."
Her expression flinched. Honeymaren responded by pulling her hand up onto Elsa's shoulder.
"Tell me." She softly instructed.
Elsa bit her lip. Her fingers corded together. "When I was rescuing you from the embankment, my powers… failed. I felt them as I always do, but nothing came to the surface. It was as if they were blocked, just for an instant, and then as quickly as they were gone, the magic came rushing back in…"
Honeymaren's hand fell back to her hip. "A possible side effect of the spirits leaving?" She considered.
Elsa shook her head. "I don't think so. My powers never relied on the spirits before. I had them for years before coming to Northuldra. It seems strange that they should fail me now because of this."
"Not unless your powers are directly attached to Ahtohallan now." Honeymaren suggested. "As it weakens, so do you."
She drew her hands to her shoulders, and Elsa hugged herself protectively. "Further proving my, 'benefiting off our vulnerabilities' theory."
"I might have to agree." Honeymaren nodded. "But the big question still remains-"
"Who or what is trying to weaken us?" Elsa finished for her.
"Exactly." Honeymaren sighed.
The two returned to the village at full-dusk. Greeted by soft chatter and a roaring fire, the people turned to watch as the two newcomers strode in. They shuffled a bit, relieved by their return. However, their spirits were low, and so the response was limited.
Elsa ignored the stares. She led Honeymaren directly to Yelena.
Though mild in expression, Yelena appeared more than happy to see them.
She sighed as she took Honeymaren's hands in hers. "You're alright."
"I'm afraid she has an injury that needs to be examined." Elsa interjected. "An abrasion to the back of her head."
Yelena turned Honeymaren around at once, quickly drawing back her hair.
"I'm fine." Honeymaren assured her. She flashed Elsa a fierce glare. "Someone is just being paranoid."
"Paranoid or not, have Brandr see to you immediately. He will take care of this." Yelena nudged her toward the gathering. "Leave Elsa and I to speak. We have something important we must discuss."
Honeymaren's eyes scanned between them. Her lips pulled to the side. She watched sadly as Yelena directed Elsa away from the fire and out of sight behind the trees.
Under the veil of night, Elsa and Yelena stood beside piles of rubble. Huts barely reconstructed after Bruni, hadn't been able to withstand Gale.
Elsa's wandering gaze turned to Yelena. She stared back, looking stern.
"How are the others?" Elsa inquired.
Straightening, Yelena's hands clasped at her waist. "A few cuts, some wind burn; all minor." She explained.
"We were lucky." Elsa sighed. Yet, Yelena's frown only deepend.
"This time," She stressed sadly.
"What do you mean?" Elsa's weight swayed between feet.
"Elsa, we must prepare ourselves for the final departure." she began. "You know as well as I do, what is to come next."
She shivered. Elsa's heart began to race. "I do, but-"
"No." Yelena shook her head. "We cannot waste anymore time believing that we have the power to fix this before it begins. Nokk will drown us all. We know its strength. Many of us have seen it before, and you should know this better than anyone else. We cannot wait around for it to happen, Elsa. We don't have enough of a fight left in us to try and suddenly fail."
Lines pulled through the skin of Elsa's forehead. "I need Nokk. I need to be here to access Ahtohallan."
"Ahtohallan has already closed its waters to you. If not now, then soon. You have no business going back there until you are certain of where Nokk's loyalty lies." Yelena's teeth grit. "Whatever troubles we face now are beyond the spirits' understanding."
Elsa pursed her lips. She turned her hands at her side. "What are you suggesting?"
She could see the pain lingered behind Yelena's eyes. The words on her tongue would hurt for her to admit aloud. Yelena fought with her thoughts, with her fear, and her leadership.
"We must consider that it is time to leave the forest. We must get to higher grounds before the waters take our lands, and then take us down with it."
Elsa fell silent. A hard weight settled against her chest.
"It is not a permanent relocation." Yelena continued, placing her hand in Elsa's. "However, for now, it is our best chance for survival."
Sighing, Elsa pulled from Yelena's touch. "I did not want it to come to this."
"Of course not." Yelena drew Elsa's eyes back to hers. "Northuldra is just as much your home as it is ours. What hurts us, hurts you. However, it is important for you to remember that there are some forces on this planet, Elsa, for which not even you can tame. And we must protect each other from them."
Elsa bit her lip. She felt small under Yelena's stare.
Yelena didn't blame Elsa for losing control over the spirits, nor did she hold her responsible for their destruction. Despite this, Elsa still expected herself to fix it.
"I know of a place." She finally spoke. "There is a home between here and Arendelle that I built for myself when I thought I had nowhere else to go. Our people will be safe there for now." Elsa promised.
Yelena's eyes briefly closed. When they reopened, she simply nodded.
"When the sun rises, then."
Hours later, Elsa laid awake.
Tucked into one of her many, quickly crafted ice huts, her eyes held wide. Elsa looked up at the ceiling and willed herself to fall asleep. Her thoughts ran rampant with night. Anxiety coursed through her blood. There was too much to consider and therefore, her mind could not settle.
Elsa turned on to her side. She trapped her hands beneath her head. Clenching her eyes closed, Elsa held her breath.
After a long moment, she released it, and fell with a thud onto her back once more.
A knock sounded at her door.
Elsa quickly sat up. She brushed down her hair and readjusted her nightgown.
"Come in," She softly instructed.
Honeymaren's head squeezed between the tarp and its frame. She appeared almost shy as she glanced back at Elsa who was leaning against her pillow.
"You're awake, good. I just need a minute." Honeymaren let herself in, sliding the tarp flat behind her.
Slowly, she crossed the room. Her brown eyes held at her hands as she came to stand at Elsa's bedside.
"How can I help you?" she asked. Elsa rose from the blankets to make room against the bed.
Honeymaren didn't sit. "I just came to apologize."
Confusion creased Elsa's forehead. "Apologize, to me?" She blinked. "If anything it should be me who still owes you the apology. It was my fault, afterall, that you were hurt today."
"There is no need for that. I pushed you into your reaction with my jealousy. You have nothing to apologize for." Honeymaren's hands pulled through her loose hair and she released a muffled groan. "Listen, Elsa, I was being innapropriate before-"
Elsa lifted her hand to stop her, but Honeymaren charged on.
"I don't like change. I know that is not a good excuse for being so forward, but it's the truth. For most of my life, things remained exactly the same, day in and day out. I used to crave new worlds to explore, having new people to meet, and then, I met you."
Elsa's cheeks tinged pink as she stared. Honeymaren wouldn't look at her as she spoke, and that had Elsa feeling nervous. Even when Honeymaren finally sat beside her, her eyes stayed on her lap. She wasn't touching Elsa, and left a more than cautious amount of space, yet Elsa could still feel the heat trapped between them.
"When I met you, everything changed, and not only for me, but for everyone in the village. Suddenly, my small, isolated world was flooded with light. Northuldra no longer felt as tiny as it had when I was growing up here. My days were once filled with dreams for a better life, but then suddenly- I was learning to enjoy my days for exactly what they were.
"I would wake up earlier, just for the chance to see you before you set off for Ahtohallan. I found myself staying up late, all so we might enjoy one of our fireside chats before bed. I'd be walking amongst the forest and see something I wanted to share with you. Then, I would wait all day for you to return, all so I could do just that.
"I don't know exactly when the lines began to blur for me. Perhaps they were never all that formal of lines to begin with, but I learned to like you, Elsa, and more than a friend should feel towards another friend- and Ahtohallan knows, I never meant for it to happen. I wished it hadn't, so I might always feel content with the way things are between us right now. But we both know how lives change, and sometimes with very little prompting from ourselves. When Ryder told me of his feelings for you, I thought, if not him, then soon it would be someone else fueling that change."
Honeymaren sighed and flexed her fingers. Elsa had been surprisingly calm as she sat beside her listening. Worried that if she stopped Elsa might push her away, Honeymaren decidedly hurried to finish.
"I began dreading the time for when things between us would become different. When I saw you speaking with Ryder, it was suddenly happening faster than I could have prepared for. Because of that, I allowed my fear to spiral. I reacted on my jealousy, and you didn't deserve my response.
"And you don't have to say anything- not now, and not ever if you don't like. This wasn't supposed to be forced on you this way. Honestly, I was kind of hoping to take this secret to my grave..."
Honeymaren chuckled sadly, and Elsa could see that she meant what she had said. Conceal don't feel, came to Elsa's mind; she shook her head, realizing just how much weight those words could hold here.
If Honeymaren kept her feelings for Elsa suppressed for the rest of her life, then she would never experience living to the fullest extent. If she were to carry this torch in secret forever, she would never be able to open herself up to love from another source.
There would always be the doubt of, but what if I had said something?
Turning to her, Elsa brought her feet onto the bed. Her back drew further into the pillows. It was easier to look at Honeymaren now that she wasn't looking at Elsa, herself. However, her disheartened face still caused Elsa greif.
"You said, I believed you could only like me because of your personal beliefs-"
Honeymaren's eyes struck wide. "-no, it's okay! You don't have to explain!"
Elsa held up her hand. "But I would like to try, if you'll let me?"
Hesitating, Honeymaren frowned. She bit down on her lip and turned her head. After a long moment, she finally nodded.
"Thank you," Elsa began.
With her hands on her knees and her thighs to her chest, Elsa kept her eyes cautiously on Honeymaren.
"I know now how that came across, and thinking back on it, I understand why you were so upset with me. I degraded your feelings for me, and you were right in saying I never allowed you to validate them.
"But what you have to understand is this- I have been a figure, a title, for all of my life, and the reality of that holds very little merrit when compared to the size of the storm brewing inside of me. Growing up, not even my sister knew what I was capable of. I was a queen with responsibilities, but I couldn't hold a conversation with a stranger without fearing the worst possible outcome; without conjuring up all the assumptions that those strangers might make about me.
"I'm aware that's not the same person who wandered into Northuldra all those many months ago. She was a little more open by then, and a lot more confident than the person I knew for my first twenty years. Despite that growth, though, that scared princess, she's never really going to go away. She taught me to look at the world differently, and that will always be the hardest thing for give up.
"Because of that skewed perception, when I learned of your feelings for me, I reacted with fear. I didn't understand how it could be possible for someone to like me without being afraid of the person I was. I didn't want you to be interested in me because I was quickly reminded of all the ways in which I would let you down.
"And that's why I said, it's not you who was the issue here. I have been lucky to have you in my life everyday, Honeymaren, but it's often me whose luck runs dry. I would only end up hurting you in the long run; if not physically, then by saying something I don't mean, or can't understand myself.
"So, please forgive me for insulting you and your people. I wish I never said what I did. I should have shown you the trust you deserved when you asked for it, and for that I am sorry."
Honeymaren was rendered silent. Her eyes turned, flickering over Elsa's, long after hers had fallen away.
She cleared her throat. "There is, um, a lot to unpack there." Honeymaren teased.
"Tell me about it."
Honeymaren's lips drew to the side. "You know, for someone who is so afraid of hurting people, you spend an awful amount of time trying to save the lives of others."
Elsa shook her head. "My sister is the true lifesaver. It is her who always has to find a way to clean up my mess."
Her words were not spoken with as much seriousness as Honeymaren would have believed. In fact, Elsa was almost smiling. Her eyes were light with humor, and she lessened the hold on her knees.
"There's a twenty two year old Northuldra woman sitting in your hut tonight that says otherwise." She teased. "If it hadn't been for you, I probably would not be sitting here right now at all…"
"Don't say that!" Elsa pushed lightly against Honeymaren's arm.
"But it's true!" She pushed back. "You saved my life today, Elsa."
A slight blush drew to her cheeks and Elsa turned away.
"You know, I was thinking about what you said when I was out looking for you. The storm was at its worst, and I was caught between rocks. I wondered if I would still be out there risking my life to find you, even if I didn't know about your feelings for me? And of course the answer was, yes. I knew at that moment, and even before it, that I would sacrifice anything to keep you safe, just as I would do for Anna.
"And you know how I feel about my sister, so you know what a powerful comparison that would be for me to draw. However, I knew it was different, too, because what we share is different than what I have with Anna, and its different than every relationship I have made since coming here.
"I thought about change, just as you described it. I considered how I would feel watching you with someone else- the way you thought I had been with Ryder."
Elsa paused, and Honeymaren's eyes widened.
"And…" She encouraged.
Elsa sighed before continuing. "-and… I decided I wouldn't like it; that it would be difficult for me to wrap my head around. The idea of changing what we have together to accomodate someone else, or not having you in my life at all- no, I wouldn't want that."
Honeymaren nodded silently. Her gaze joined Elsa's against the bedspread. She wanted to press for more, understanding where Elsa's thoughts were leading, but she wouldn't. Elsa had already said enough to put her mind at ease. They were on the same page now, and tonight that was enough for Honeymaren.
"You know, I don't think you quite grasp how thankful I was to have you today." Honeymaren's light tone drew Elsa's eyes back hers once more. "I felt so foolish for running away, and when the wind picked up, I kept right on walking. By the time I found myself hiding near the river, the waters were rising, and before I knew it, I was stuck. I was terrified..afraid..and feeling so, incredibly stupid. I thought you might be too angry to look for me, and I knew the storm came on too suddenly for the rest of the village to realize I had walked away."
Elsa felt surprised as a tear pulled down Honeymaren's cheek. After a moment, a second joined on the other side.
"I wasn't just a little scared." She continued. "I kept thinking about all the things I'd never get to say nor do. I would never have the chance to apologize for the things I'd said, or discover how you rescue the spirits and save Northuldra. At that moment, I felt certain I'd finally stepped too far, just like the lullaby said, but then, you saved me- and I still don't feel very deserving."
At that Honeymaren's few tears turned to cries. Elsa felt helpless, and a little desperate, even, to help her stop. She had never seen this vulnerable side of her friend before. To say it was surprising would be an understatement.
Without thinking, Elsa pulled her toward her. She tucked Honeymaren into her arm, with her head softly resting against her chest.
"I'm sorry if this is too much." Elsa whispered. "Given everything else… I just wanted to help."
Honeymaren's head shook. "No, this is.. Nice." Her tears persisted.
Elsa's hand worked through her curls, mindful of the bump. "You are just as deserving as everyone else to be saved by me." She promised. "There wasn't anything you could say or do that would have stopped me from going out there today."
Honeymaren was silent. Her arm wrapped cautiously over Elsa's waist.
"May I stay here… just for a moment longer?" she asked. "I'm not ready to go back to my hut alone."
Elsa smiled and relaxed her legs. "You can stay here for as long as you would like."
Cheers,
-M.