A/N: Here's part 2 of this "new" story...
Original A/N: So, here is the arduously written part 2. Not my best work, but here it is. For some reason it was hard to write; perhaps I had too many distractions with work and home. There will at least be a part 3, but if it turns into a four-parter, I'll put it in its own story. I need to work on a chapter or two of Letters to Harm next, and then some Gone—so I'm not sure when part 3 will post (it's isn't written at all yet). Then again, my muse might tell me to %^&% off and make me write it next. Who knows?
Anyway, thanks for all the reviews. I love 'em!
Miracles
Chapter 2: Deux
Mac's POV
I give myself over to my tears for only a few minutes. I don't want Mic to find me in a sobbing mess; his idea of comforting me is rather sloppy sex and after having just experienced Harmon Rabb, I can't go back to that. The idea of it actually nauseates me.
Stop being so mean, I admonish myself. Mic has many great qualities, he loves me…but he's not Harm. He never has been and never will be.
I curse myself once again for being so blind and stupid, letting myself be manipulated into taking a ring I didn't want in the first place, all because Harm rejected me in Sydney. And was it really a rejection? He told me 'not yet'…I didn't ask him to clarify and now that I think about it, he probably thought I was just looking for a one-night stand, a fling, when in reality I wanted him forever.
God, everything is so messed up now. My tears start to fall again when I remember how wonderful it was to have Harm finally make love to me, only to have him rushing to escape the next morning. I guess I can't blame him; it would certainly not be pleasant for any of us if Mic caught us.
That's another thing that makes me cry…I cheated on my fiancé. How low does that make me? Especially when I know deep down I feel more guilty about not feeling guilty enough over what I've just done. I don't deserve Mic, really.
But then again…Mic really has gotten more possessive, more controlling. I know I can't live like that and even if Harm and I hadn't made love last night, I'd be ending it with Mic. I should have never gotten involved with him of course, but if that was inevitable, I should have put the brakes on things after that garden party hosted by Mic's new boss. He treated me like a trophy, and then I actually apologized to him about my behavior!
I need to find myself again, clearly.
I wipe the recent tears away, then decide to take a hot shower. Mic will no doubt be here soon, and it won't help anything to be here naked and cloaked in Harm's scent. I lift the edge of the sheet around me to sniff at it, my heart fluttering as I breathe in Harm's essence, realizing at the same time I should strip the entire bed where he and I first made love; there's no need to upset Mic further than I already will.
Once I've pulled the bedding away and stuffed it into the hamper, I go into my bathroom and start the shower. I honestly hate to wash away the olfactory reminder of my night; my skin still tingles, and I find myself growing wet again as I remember Harm's hands on me. Sometime during the night, I awoke to the sound of Harm moving around the room and for a moment I thought he was leaving then…
"Harm?" I question as I roll a little to look behind me.
"Sorry, honey…didn't mean to wake you," he answers. So, he was just going to sneak out of here?
"You're leaving?" I sound more troubled and desperate than I want to and it's embarrassing. Harm, however, is quick to reassure me. He quickly steps to the bed and leans over me as he brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.
"No, baby…just had to use the bathroom," he says as he pulls down the blanket covering me. "Let's get under the covers, okay?"
We maneuver around and slip between the sheets, and soon we're spooned together again, Harm's warm, solid body at my back. His leg goes over my hip and his hand starts to travel over my skin. It makes me shiver though I am anything but cold. I feel his breath ruffle my hair as he chuckles softly. "How's the hip?" he asks; I know he's still feeling guilty about that. Surprisingly, it doesn't feel too bad in my current position and I tell him so. He kisses my hair in acknowledgment and I shiver again.
Harm's hand resumes its journey over my body, running over my breasts before stroking across my tummy. His finger traces around my navel then dips lower, teasing my curls, and then he's sliding it through my lower lips. I can't help the moan that escapes me and he slides it in deeper.
"You're wet again, Sarah," he whispers as he starts stroking my clit.
"Yeah, and you're getting hard," I whisper back, feeling his cock growing against my back.
"You make me hard, Sarah." His hand is doing wonderful things to my body, and I whimper as I open my legs wider to give him better access. I can't help but wriggle against him and his groan fills my ears. It's then that I reach behind me and find his cock, curling my fist around it while brushing my thumb across the tip. His hips start to move in time with my hand as it slides up and down his member.
We're both moaning and whimpering now, and just when I feel I'm about to come, he abruptly stops his ministrations. My hand stills on his cock while his slips from my center and starts to slide along my thigh. "I want to be inside you now, Sarah. Please?" he subtly begs. I can't think of anything I want more, so I guide his cock into me from behind. Harm's hand moves from my thigh and goes around to press against my lower belly, just above my mound. His long fingers find my clit again and soon he's thrusting against me. He moves in long, slow strokes, and it feels so good that I almost cry.
It doesn't take long before I'm once again screaming his name and he starts thrusting harder into me. We come together, his essence filling me once again in forceful, hot jets. I'm still whimpering when I finally come down from my high, and when he pulls out out of me, he rolls me onto my back. He covers me with his body, kissing me deeply, and it isn't all that long until we're making love again.
I don't think I'll ever get enough of this man.
Eventually we fall back to sleep, me cuddled in Harm's arms, and I don't open my eyes until he shakes me awake to tell me Mic's on his way.
The shower is finally hot enough for my liking and I climb in, letting the flow of water soothe my stiff, aching muscles. After just standing under the spray for a couple of minutes, I lather up a loofah and run it over my body, taking special care with the area between my legs. There's a delicious soreness there, and it makes me moan softly as I remember the cause of it. I close my eyes and imagine Harm is still touching me and soon my hand replaces the loofah.
It's easy to bring myself to climax; all I have to do is picture Harm's mouth at my core as I stroke myself a few times and I'm there. I bite off a cry, knowing that Mic has probably already let himself into the apartment.
I know I'm stalling now; I've washed my hair twice and then left my conditioner on for an exaggerated amount of time. Knowing I need to just get this meeting with Mic over with, I rinse my hair and then turn around to shut the water off.
That's when I feel it…
An arm goes around my waist and pulls me back. I can feel a hard body behind me as another arm reaches around to palm my breast, and, as it often happens, the fingers squeeze too hard and it hurts.
"Mic!" I yelp. I squirm and try to push away from him, but his hold tightens. I can feel his erection against my back and I want to vomit.
This isn't the first time he's hopped in the shower with me and, though I've told him I hate it when he does it, he still worms his way in a couple times a month. He tells me it 'saves water' and 'saves time,' but he really just wants sex. I've given in much of the time, and I rather hate myself for it.
Mic nuzzles my cheek and the arm around my waist dips lower.
"Let me go, Mic!" I move to keep his hand from my center.
"Aw, come on, Sarah…I missed you last night," he whines, and it irks me.
"No, Mic! Just get out!"
"Sarah—"
At that I forcefully twist in his arms and put both hands on his chest. "I said no, Mic!" I shout as I push him away. He hits the opposite end of my tub and he curses.
"Goddammit, Sarah, what was that for?!"
I awkwardly try to cover myself with my arms; I no longer want his eyes on me on that way. I try to stay calm, however. I just want him out of here while I dry off and get dressed, and then we can talk. I know he'll respond more to softly spoken words, so I say in a conciliatory tone, "Mic, please, just go and get dressed. We'll talk about it over breakfast, alright?"
I can tell Mic's still pissed, but at last he agrees and steps out of the shower, leaving me to slump against the wall. I know my next conversation with Mic is not going to go well, but I have to do it. Even if Harm and I hadn't done what we did, I'd have to end it. My eyes were opened last night, and I can no longer be with someone who treats me as his possession.
I make short work of getting dressed, slicking my hair back behind my ears rather than dry it to save time. I take a deep breath, then step out of the bathroom. My intent is to head to the living room and calmly discuss our breakup, but as I reach for my bedroom door, I notice something out of the corner of my eye. It's Mic, sitting at the foot of my bed, and it startles me.
"Mic?" I say, rather stupidly. I don't like the way he's looking at me; he looks angry, but I sense it is more than just irritation at what happened in the shower. "What's wrong?" My eyes are drawn to an object in his hand, and suddenly I have a sinking feeling. "Mic?"
Mic holds up the watch in his hand. It isn't his; Mic's watch is black with a thick band and digital display and this analog watch is silver, band and all, with a dark grey clockface. It's very Harm: functional, tasteful, expensive without being ostentatious.
And Mic knows damn well who it belongs to.
"What's this, Sarah?" His voice is carefully controlled but I can feel the rage and hurt rolling off him. My eyes fill with tears as I look back at him in shame.
"What is this, Sarah?!" he asks again, louder this time. I can only shake my head; It never occurred to me to make up a more innocent excuse for the presence of Harm's watch.
Mic shoves the watch into his pocket and stands up. He moves to loom over me, and he reaches down to grab my wrists. His grip is strong but not so strong that he's hurting me. "Are you going to tell me why I found it on your nightstand?" I stare up at him, wondering what's the best way to tell your fiancé that yes, you did cheat on him, but it's okay because you were going to breakup with him anyway.
Alright, I don't believe it's actually okay in any way, shape, or form. I love Harm, have always loved him, but before I did anything about it, I should have ended it with Mic.
"Mic, I—"
Suddenly his hands move to grip my upper arms. He gives me a shake as he rales at me. "How long has this been going on, Sarah? How long have you been fucking him behind my back?" He shakes me again. "Answer me, Sarah!"
"Mic…I haven't been…not until last night…"
"You expect me to believe that?" His fingers dig into my arms a little more; I'm sure there will be bruises there soon.
"Yes, I do, Mic. Because it's the truth." Not that it makes much of a difference; whether it was just yesterday or for the last several weeks, I was still unfaithful.
Mic snorts in derision. "Forgive me if I find that hard to believe, given your past behavior."
Now that is a slap in the face. I suppose I deserved it, but it hurts to have my past with my husband and John Farrow brought up yet again. I'll let it go, but my eyes fill again with tears. "I'm sorry, Mic, but it is the truth." I try to shrug out of his grasp; it's actually hurting me now, but I honestly don't think he knows what he is doing. He doesn't let go, and after a couple more tries, I finally ask him to let me go.
"Mic, please let go of me. You're hurting me." Mic stares hard at me for a moment, then looks down at his hands. I see the shock in his eyes and he abruptly lets go.
"Sarah, I'm sor—"
I cut him off. "It's okay, Mic. Look, let's just go sit down and discuss this." He nods after a moment, and together we head down the hall to the living room to sit uncomfortably across from each other. I decide I may as well start.
"Look, Mic…I didn't expect last night to happen…"
"Right," he snaps derisively.
"No, Mic. I mean it. I fell in the parking lot as we were leaving the club and he helped me up here. We talked, things happened…"
"He seduced you."
"No…" If anything, I seduced him.
"He seduced you, you fell for it…Sarah, he can't love you like I do."
"Mic…"
Mic stands up and starts pacing back and forth.
"No, Sarah. He seduced you, played on your weaknesses…look, I'm willing to forget this. Let's forget it ever happened. We can go back to planning our wedding, setting a date, I'll move in here…"
Mic sounds desperate now, and what the hell did he mean, "played upon my weaknesses?" I'm about to ask when he sits down beside me and reaches for me. He's suddenly clutches me to him and starts kissing me. "Sarah, I love you and you love me," he says between kisses. I try to push him away like I did in the shower, but once again he holds on tight. "I'm not losing you to him. He'll never love you like I do."
"Mic, stop." I push at him again while I try to move my head so he can't make contact with my lips. "Stop. Stop it!" He doesn't though, so I end up using one of the many moves I've learned as a marine. He falls from the couch and lands between it and the coffee table and I scramble away.
Mic manages to get himself off the floor, but it takes him a bit given the narrow confines of his position.
"Dammit, Sarah, what the hell is wrong with you?"
I force myself to stay calm. "I told you to stop, Mic."
"But I'm your fiancé!"
Once again, Mic pays no heed to what I've said and what I want. A marriage between us would never work, and though I'm not entirely sure where Harm and I stand, I cannot let this go on any longer. Mic needs to leave. Now.
I had taken my ring off and thrown it in the drawer of my nightstand as Harm and I climbed under the covers last night. Now I turn on my heel and return to my bedroom. Mic calls after me, but doesn't follow, thank goodness. I grab the ring and go back to the living room. Mic is standing in the middle of it, an understandable scowl on his face.
"Mic," I start. He looks down at my hand, and it's obvious he knows what I have clutched in my fist.
"Sarah, no…" he says as I open my hand and hold the ring out to him.
"Mic," I say again. "I'm sorry, but I can't marry you. I care about you a lot, but I don't love you in the way you deserve. I'm sorry," I repeat. Mic just stands there dumbly, and I can't tell if any of my words have penetrated. "Mic?"
Mic stands up to his full height. "No, Sarah, I won't accept that. I know you love me. You're just infatuated with Rabb. He doesn't love you that way, Sarah. Not the way I love you. He has Rene; he's happy with Rene. He's only using you. He's only going to hurt you. He's had years to get with you. If he cared the way I do, he'd have made his move long before this, don't you think, Sarah? He's never going to love you like that."
Where does Mic get off? How the hell would he know what Harm feels?
Hell, even I don't entirely know how Harm feels. What happened last night was more than just infatuation on our parts, I have no doubt, but after all these years, I can't say for certain that Harm wants to leave Rene and commit to me. Mic's statement about Harm making his move suddenly nags at me and I can't help but think he's right. Be that as it may, I'm still not planning on settling for Mic again.
"Mic, this isn't about Harm. This is about you and me and how I can't marry you." I step forward and hold out the ring again. "Please, take this, Mic." He stares at the ring for a moment then looks back up at me. He looks sad, yes, but there's more anger in his eyes than anything. I wonder for a moment if Mic would ever be abusive; a little voice inside me, a voice I've forced into silence for too long, tells my yes. I'm not afraid of Mic right now, but I feel as though I've just dodged a bullet.
Mic looks back down at the ring, then finally reaches out for it. I drop it into his hand and he shifts it to hold it up with his thumb and forefinger.
"I'm sorry, Mic," I whisper. And I am sorry. I never meant to hurt him, never meant to lead him on, but that's what I've done for months. Yes, for a while I managed to convince myself that this was what I wanted, but it never would have worked. I'm still in love with Harm, and Mic will always be a distant second. I'm feeling terribly guilty right now, as I should, but then that voice inside reminds me again that I feel more guilty about not feeling guiltier about all of this. I wonder if Mic sees that, for his face draws up in a sneer.
"Right, you're sorry. I gave up everything for you, Sarah. My home, my career…but that's okay, Sarah…because you're sorry. You're sorry, and I'm left with nothing. I should have gone back to Australia when I had the chance, but I thought you were worth staying for." He looks down at me in disgust. "Clearly I was wrong. You just didn't want to be alone and since Rabb didn't want you, you figured I'd do. You know what that makes you?"
Ignoring the voice that says Mic's right, I stare at him coldly. "No, what does that make me?"
Mic glares at me for a few moments. "Never mind. You know what you are." At that he turns and goes for the door. I follow behind him so I can lock the door behind him; it occurs to me that I should probably change the locks given Mic has a key and for all I know he's made duplicates. I suppose, however, that I should still ask him to return it.
Mic beats me to it, however. As he grabs his jacket, he fishes around in the pocket for something, then pulls out my key. He holds it up, but before he hands it back to me, he slips the jacket on and pulls open the door. He steps over the threshold and into the hall, then holds up my key again. "You're going to regret this, Sarah. He's never going to love you." Then, instead of just handing me the key, he throws it at me.
I'm sure I couldn't duplicate what happened next if I tried for a thousand years. Mic's aim is off, and instead of the key coming directly to me, it hits the doorframe and ricochets off. It then hits me in the face, directly into my stunned, open eye, and I feel an excruciating pain. I cry out, my hand covering my eye, and Mic's at my side in an instant, his arm wrapping around my shoulders. "Oh my god, Sarah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—I'm sorry. Let me take a look."
I shake my head. I just want him to go. I know this was an accident, I don't blame him for it, but I just want him gone. His words have hurt and even as I tell myself that I can't blame him for that either, I can't help but think that if he really loved me, if he really knew me, he wouldn't say such things. I suppose, however, that he actually does know me, because he knows what would hurt me most.
"Mic," I say through my tears. "Just go, Mic. Go. I'm fine. Please, just leave." I shrug off his arm and he starts to protest, but then his shoulders slump and he nods. He steps away from me and then pulls open the door again. This time, he silently departs, pulling the door closed behind him.
I sink to the floor for the second time this morning, knowing I need to go check my eye, but right now it hurts too much and I just sit there and cry.
Harm's POV
I can't believe what I've just done. I've run out on Mac after one of the most incredible nights of my life, because I was too much of a coward to stick around and face the music.
No, that's not true, not really. At the time I just wanted to protect Mac, wanted to keep Mic from going after her because I was there, and I didn't realize my cowardice was coming from something else. On the ride home, however, I realized that above and beyond the fear of Mic discovering us in such a manner was the fear that Mac would realize she still wanted to be with Mic. It had already been destroying me, watching Mac with him, seeing the diamond in her ring sparkle cheerfully, but after a night of making love to her, I don't know how I'd survive it if she ran to Mic again.
I consider calling her to see if Mic is still there, but I'm not sure how well that would be received. What I need to do, and do it as soon as possible, is to end it with Rene. No matter what happens with Mac, I can't continue to be with Rene when I don't love her like that and never will. I'm not looking forward to this; besides the obvious, it occurs to me that I haven't been the one to end a relationship in quite a while. Both Annie and Jordan broke it off with me, and even Diane was the one who decided that we should feel free to see other people given we'd be stationed at opposite ends of the world. I wasn't a great boyfriend in any of those relationships, and it's a wonder that Rene has stayed with me this long.
God, I'm an ass.
An ass who is so in love with Sarah MacKenzie I can't see straight. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I wish I had had the courage to tell her that.
I decide then and there that once I end it with Rene, I'm going to march right back to Mac's and plead my case. Maybe she'll turn me down; god knows I wouldn't blame her given how I've acted over the years, but I have to try. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't.
I'm just about to pick up the phone to call Rene to see if we can meet when there's a knock at the door. I wonder fleetingly if it could be Mac, so without thinking, I pull open the door.
And suddenly a fist smashes into my face. I wasn't ready for it, so I stumble backwards and fall to the floor. I look up to see Mic Brumby looming over me, a look of fury and disgust on his face. He pulls something out of his pocket and throws at me. It hits me in the chest and it rather hurts.
"You forgot your watch at Sarah's, you bastard," is all he says before he turns and walks back out my door, slamming it behind him.
End Chapter 2