A/N: Greetings! Thanks for all the reviews thus far. This chapter was originally going to have more to it, but I think it's long enough and it was a decent place to stop…

Miracles

Chapter 7: Sept

Harm's POV

"Mr. Rabb, you can come back now and sit with her."

The nurse, also named Sara but without the H, leads me down a hall to Mac's room and slides its glass door open. There's a curtain for privacy as well and she pushes that aside for me, but I'm not prepared for the sight of Mac lying there so white, so still. She's also covered with wires and tubes and the first sounds of her ventilator startle me. There's a gurgling sound near her bed and I glance down to see a box with numbers on it in columns with the words "water seal chest drain" on it and bile rises in my throat.

Sara W, RN as her name tag reveals, sees me staring at the chest drain and asks if I'd like her to explain all the equipment. No, I think, but I swallow hard and nod.

"Okay, Mr. Rabb— "

"Call me Harm."

"Okay, Harm, first, that box down there is for the chest tube they put in her in the ER. Sarah—actually, they told me in report she likes to be called Mac? —okay, Mac has a few broken ribs on the right side and one of them likely punctured her lung. The chest tube is connected to that machine and allows air to exit the space that's there now between her lung and chest wall when she breathes out but keeps air from returning. Eventually her lung will re-inflate. The tube going into her mouth is of course helping her breathe. There's a line inserted in a vein that runs by her collar bone that we can give IV fluids and medications through. She has a small tube inserted through her nose that goes down into her stomach. We can feed her through that if she doesn't wake up in the next couple of days or if she's unable to safely swallow foods when she does wake up. She's hooked up to a cardiac monitor, and she also has catheter inserted into her skull to help us monitor the pressure in her brain.

"You can go ahead and sit by her, touch her, talk to her. I'll be coming back to check on her in about ten minutes. Do you have any questions for me before I step out? Harm?"

I heard everything the Nurse Sara said but it all sounds so…well, bad…so hopeless, I just stand there in a stupor for a moment. When she repeats my name again, I start to tell her that no, I don't have any questions, but then I feel compelled to ask one that I already know the answer to.

"It's really bad, isn't it…"

Sara looks at me, a deep sympathy in her blue eyes. "Mac's injuries are sig— "

"You don't need to sugarcoat things for me, Sara."

Sara nods. "Okay, Harm. Yeah, it's really bad. I'm so sorry. I know it isn't my place to say that, nor this…but Harm…she's still here. There's still hope. I can tell she's a fighter."

"She…she…" I swallow hard. "Yes…she is." Sara gives me a sympathetic smile and squeezes my shoulder as I sit down at Mac's side.

"Okay, Harm. I'll be back soon. Can I get you anything before I head back in here?"

I shake my head, and after she squeezes my shoulder again, she walks away. I hear her pull back the curtain a bit before sliding open the glass doors, which close again seconds later, leaving me alone with my own Sarah. My Mac…my ninja girl. I cover her cool, limp hand with mine, lightly grasping her fingers before running my thumb over the smooth skin of her wrist.

"Hey, Mac…"

It's morning now, the sun not quite up, when I stumble back into the ICU waiting room. I'm surprised to see Harriet sitting there near the door; it's so early, she has a little boy to care for, and Bud is preparing for a case…the same case I should be preparing for, but on the opposite side. It also hasn't been all that long since she and Bud lost their baby Sarah and yet, here she is.

"Harriet…I didn't expect…um, how did…how did you…"

"The Admiral stopped by after he left here last night and told us. After we convinced him to stay for dinner he came back here and stayed until I got here about an hour ago."

Oh, my…I had no idea Admiral Chegwidden had returned; I've been at Mac's side all night and have only left it to use the facilities a couple of times. Now it's currently shift change for the nurses, so I've been banished from the ICU for at least a couple of hours. Mac's surgeon is supposed to be by later this morning, and I made the staff promise to call me when he arrives on the floor. Meanwhile, I suppose I should get something to eat or at least some coffee, but I'll be damned if I leave the building just yet—

"I'm here to take you home, Harm."

What? Nice try, Harriet…

"Nice try, Harriet," I say again, out loud this time. She immediately gets that look on her face I've generally only seen when little AJ is being especially trying.

"Harm—"

"No, Harriet. I appreciate it, but I'm not leaving her."

"Admiral Chegwidden thought you might say that. That's why he sent me."

"Oh? He could've just ordered me to—"

"And you would have disobeyed him and he would have had to come up with a way to excuse that, you'd both be angry…me, he knew you wouldn't refuse." The much shorter Harriet grins up at me, but I can see the concern in her eyes.

Chegwidden is right; there's no way I could refuse Harriet. I really can't even resent her, because I know she wouldn't do this unless she really cared. Besides, she's called me by name twice now instead of the far more common "sir."

"Okay, Lieutenant, how long am I to be banished?"

"I'm taking you back to our place and one of us will bring you back after lunch."

I nod before I go tell the staff my plans, but we only make it halfway down the hall before I can suddenly go no further. Harriet takes a few more steps, not yet realizing that I've stopped.

"Harm?" Harriet returns to my side. "What is it?" My throat suddenly feels tight and it's an effort to get any words out.

"I-I don't…I can't…she'll be alone…"

"Oh, Harm…" Harriet puts her hand on my arm. "Bud will head over here once we get home. She won't be alone."

"But…" I don't know how to tell her that I'm afraid if I step out of the building, she'll die.

"I know, Harm," she answers, and in that instant, I know she does.

"She c-can't die, Harriet." And then I'm in her arms, sobbing on her shoulder.

It's 1400 when I finally return to the hospital, much later than I had originally planned. Harriet had indeed brought me to her and Bud's apartment, fed me, and then insisted I lay down. I didn't expect to fall asleep at all, much less for six hours, but I suppose I needed it. We stopped off at my apartment first after a quick bite for lunch so I could change my clothes. I had been dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a Go Navy t-shirt, the only thing I had in my go bag to change into at the hospital. My hands and my regular clothes had been stained by Mac's blood, but I hadn't realized that until I was handed a wet washcloth by a nurse in the ER. I stared at my hands for the longest while, shocked at the sight of them, then realized they were sticky too. I was close to hyperventilating, opening and closing my hands, until the nurse took the cloth slipping from them and wiped them herself. Obviously, I knew I still needed to wash them properly, but I was grateful she took care of the worst of it so I wouldn't have to leave the ER just yet. The blood-stained clothing went promptly in the trash.

I greet the nurse and ward clerk at the nurse's station, then head to Mac's cubicle. Her day nurse is there and informs me there hasn't been any change. I'd been nervous about the forty-five minutes she'd been alone while we waited for Bud to return home to care for little AJ before Harriet took me to my apartment and then back to the hospital. Once her nurse finishes her duties for the moment, she tells me to call if I need anything and then quietly takes her leave, leaving me alone with Mac once again.

One week later…

"Mac, sweetie…I'm not going to be able to spend as much time here after today…"

I swallow hard as I take Mac's cool hand in mine, wishing she would give me a sign that she's still there, that she'd blink or squeeze my fingers or even tell me to go to hell because she's still mad at me for telling Rene about John Farrow and her ex-husband, but, as it has been for the last seven days, there's no response. I blink back my usual tears and lift her hand a bit so I can press my lips to it before I tell her why I won't be able to be here as much now.

"I have to get back to my case with Sergeant Major Krohn; they let me have a few days off because…beca-because…well, for you…Admiral Chegwidden and Admiral Morris have been really understanding but you know how it is…the right to a speedy trial and all that…Father O'Rourke needs to get back to Rome at some point too I suppose. I don't know if I believe the spirit of Chaplain Wiggins led Krohn to his wife…but, I want to believe it…because maybe if Sergeant Krohn and his wife got a miracle, maybe we can too. I honestly don't think Sergeant Krohn did it…hurt his wife, that is. I don't think he was…is a perfect husband, but Mac…there's something so honest about him. Common sense says he made up the part regarding the padre—that's what he calls him—leading him to his wife, but I…I well, like I said, I'd love to believe it happened that way…

"Mac, sweetheart…honey, I wish you'd wake up. I want to see those beautiful eyes of yours. I want to tell you I love you again and hear you say it too. I want…I w-want…"

My tears are flowing again as I hear someone come in behind me. A glance at the clock on the wall tells me it's evening shift change, but they no longer make me leave. I suspect that was Nurse Sara's doing; she has become our champion of sorts, always finding little ways to care for me too while she cares for Mac. She's so young, only twenty-four, and yet she seems to have such an old soul. I've heard that expression often, but this is the first time I've met someone I could apply it to.

"Hello, Harm. Hi, Mac," she greets us; of course Mac remains silent and all I can muster is a half-smile, a weak one at that. Sara squeezes my shoulder and reaches around me to grab a tissue, which she then hands to me. I mumble a 'thanks' as I wipe away my tears, not as embarrassed by them now as I would have been had it been any other nurse.

While I compose myself, Sara 'chats' with Mac, telling her everything she's going to do before she does it. That's another thing about Sara—she talks to Mac like she's awake, something the other nurses don't do. I appreciate that; I know the other nurses are no less caring and capable and all are very gentle, but I know they see Mac as that 'comatose patient', while Sara sees Mac as herself. She's taken the time to get to know her, asking me the right questions to get me to open up and tell her all about my ninja girl. Sara knows how Mac and I met, how she followed me to Russia, and even knows about Sydney and that disastrous ferry ride. Who would have thought I'd open up to this young woman who's almost young enough to be my daughter? Okay, she's not really that young and I'm not really that old, but still…

"Anything I can do for you now, Harm?"

I start to shake my head, but then I see the little cross necklace she always wears. "Um…" I start, swallowing hard. Sara smiles at me encouragingly and I take a deep breath. "Where, um, where can I find the chapel?" I haven't been much of a church-goer as an adult, but I know Mac attends mass at least a couple of times a month and a moment of quiet contemplation and prayer can't hurt. Not that I haven't been praying every minute of every day since Mac's accident, but maybe if I did it in a more religious setting…

Okay, I know the setting doesn't really matter, but it's so hard to focus with all the noise in the ICU. I also think, or rather know, that I'll need to compose myself before I actually walk out of the building. It's going to be so hard to leave her today…

Yes, I'll be back tomorrow, but only for a couple of hours at most. I need to focus on Sergeant Krohn's defense. While I have no doubt about my legal talents, I know this case will be a hard one, even though the evidence against my client is circumstantial at best. Unfortunately, the evidence exonerating my client is nonexistent. Essentially, I'll be asking the court to take it on faith.

"What would you do, Mac?" I ask after Sara gives me directions to the chapel and steps out of the room. "You know, we don't really talk about God and church and such, do we, Mac. Maybe…m-maybe w-when y-you get, um, when you wake up, you can take me to mass. Did I ever tell you I was raised Methodist? My Grandma Sarah always took me to church when I was there in the summers. I never wanted to go, and when I got to be around thirteen or fourteen, I started to outright refuse to go. Grandma never got angry; she'd just nod and put on her hat and go. Generally, that would only last about two or three weeks. Sooner or later, I'd end up walking into the back of the church just after it started and leave just before it ended. Gradually I worked my way up to my grandma's pew, always the third from the front on the right-hand side. I told Grandma I was just there for lunch afterwards; I mean, those church ladies could put on a spread like you wouldn't believe. Anyway, my grandma would ask me about the sermon and what I thought and then deliberately quote something from it wrong. I was always quick to correct her when that happened, and Grandma Sarah would just smile knowingly. Yeah, Mac, I paid attention. Sometimes I would find the message so uplifting…and then…well, I'd walk out of that old country church happy…peaceful…but then I'd remember my dad and that would remind me that I was still mad at God. Sometimes furious…and then came Russia, and suddenly I wasn't mad anymore, despite what we learned. I found out what happened to Dad, and you were a part of that and you'll never know how much that meant to me and M-Mac, honey…if-if I l-lose you…after everything we've been through, I'll never recover. I-I'll hate God more than I ever have before and I know He's listening to me, but I don't care. Just…just d-don't g-go…"

I sit there for another hour, but there are no more words. There's only the sound of the machines surrounding Mac while I cry silently against the hand that I hold in both of mine. As I leave, I do walk past the chapel, but in the end, I don't go in. Why should I? God didn't bring me back my dad. He didn't keep Mac safe, and now He's most likely going to let her die.

Apparently, I'm already angry at God…

But not nearly as much as I am at the man who's suddenly standing before me.

End Chapter 7