AN: It's so crazy..Hawaii Five-0 is over now, forever. I still can't seem to wrap my head around that. But McRoll got the happy ending they deserved, so I am happy. But I am also sad at the same time, because their story had so much potential for development. They should have brought her back at the end of season 8 (or earlier) so that they would have had two more seasons. That way we might have even gotten the chance to see them get married and have kids. Ugh! But..they got their happy ending and that is all that matters.

I hope y'all are staying fit and healthy. Sending lots and lots of love to each and everyone of you!

TRIGGER WARNING: If you are dealing with any kind of loss right now, this might be difficult to read for you. Please skip to the end of the chapter to find more information (because I don't wanna give it away for the people who are not affected by this)!

Two days later: Honolulu, 1800 hours

After having visited their dad in the morning, the two Rollins' siblings had decided to head to the beach, since neither of them had been there in a long time. They surfed for hours - the waves were really in their favor today - and it allowed Catherine to forget about everything and everyone for a bit. Especially Steve, who was constantly with her in her thoughts, ever since she had seen him again two days ago. However, after having spend almost the entire day at the beach they were now on their way home and she honestly didn't remember the last time she had felt this calm.

"So, Cathy, I heard about this guy..Jason." Alexander, her younger brother, said with the most innocent grin he had in store, breaking her train of thought.

"Oh my god, are you kidding me? What, did mom tell you?" Catherine exclaimed, not even specifically surprised about his statement. She was used to this and couldn't help the amused chuckle, even though it still somewhat annoyed her.

"Yeah, but she didn't mean to...yeah okay, of course she did." he chuckled, their mother had never cared much for boundaries when it came to her kids dating other people. That behaviour had started when they were 15 and went out on their first dates and even now with her children being adults, Ann was still very curious and hadn't changed at all, "Anyway, you wanna spill the beans?"

"So you can run to mom later and tell her? That's a hard pass." she replied sarcastically, because he had always been somewhat of a mama's boy and she had always loved teasing him about it. "And there isn't much to tell anyway."

"Whatever you say, sis." he said, but instead of seeing her smile goofily, like she always had when he had probed her about McGarrett, she seemed to be far-away with her thoughts, "You okay? You know dad's gonna pull through, right?"

"I know. I am fine, Alex." She gave him a convincing smile, but she could see it in her yonger brother's eyes that he didn't quite believe her. To her fortune, it was in that moment that they arrived at their parents' house, so she was saved from further questioning.

They could hear indistinct chatter coming from the kitchen, when they entered the house, "Mom, we are home." Alex announced. Catherine let her bag fall onto the floor, removed the flip-flops from her feet and could barely stiffle a yawn. She was extremely tired from surfing all day, but she was sure the content feeling that had settled in her stomach at some point during the day would let her sleep peacefully tonight.

Unconsciously she noticed two pair of feet coming closer, "Look who I ran into today." Ann exclaimed enthusiastically, as she came to the door to greet her kids.

Catherine didn't even have to look up to know who it was, "Steve." Catherine stated, before turning to look at her mother. "Well that's quite the coincidence, isn't it?" she added ironically, because she knew it wasn't. Catherine had already been looking forward to a calm evening that would allow her to think some things through, but obviously her mother had different plans. Her mother had always been there for her when she needed her and Catherine loved that woman more than anything, but sometimes the older woman acted liked she didn't know the word boundaries and that could be quite annoying.

"Ah, come on darling, you two were planning to catch up anyway." Ann replied and gave her daughter a bewitching smile, "Dinner's all ready by the way." With that she returned to the kitchen, blissfully ignoring the annoyance resonating in her daughter's voice.

"She called to say thanks and um, you know your mom, she is pretty convincing." Steve explained awkwardly and shifted his weight nervously from one feet to the other. He didn't know why, but in that moment he felt like he was the young man again, who was having dinner with his Catherine's parents for the first time.

"She is." Catherine sighed. She knew her mother had her own motives for arranging this, but she was happy to see him nevertheless, "It's, uh, good to see you."

Steve nodded slightly, he was glad to be here, too, even though he knew he would have to undergo some questioning tomorrow morning. Leaving work early to attend a dinner wasn't something he did everyday. Unsure whether to hug her or not, he just stood there. Catherine was wearing jeans shorts and a black tank top, showing off her slim but pretty figure. She wasn't wearing any make-up and her hair was still a little wet, but to him she looked incredibly beautiful. To him she would always be one of the most beautiful woman. She seemed pretty relaxed and he wondered when he had last seen her wearing shorts - it must have been a while already.

"Hate to interrupt this, um, starring battle," Alex interrupted them and watched his sister roll her eyes, "Steve, long time no see, how are you?" He offered his hand to the other man, which Steve accepted gracefully.

"Ah, you know. Busy, but good." Steve replied, as he shook the younger man's hand, "What about you?" He had always gotten along well with the Rollins' siblings, even though they were very protective of their sister. They had always treated Steve with respect and made him feel included.

They followed Ann into the kitchen, where they sat down and Catherine had to admit that the food smelled wonderful. Her mom had made a traditional Hawaiian dish of which she had forgotten the name and she made a mental note to ask her about it later. Great cooking really was in her blood - her grandma had been a great cook, her mother was a great cook and her older brother was a head chef at a local restaurant. She herself had always enjoyed cooking too, but she rarely ever found the time to actually do it.

"Yeah, I know a little bit about that too. Uh, you remember Clara?" Alex asked and broke her train of thought. Steve nodded, "We became parents a few weeks ago. We have a beautiful baby boy now." he added and his eyes started sparkling in a way she had never seen her brothers' eyes glow before.

"Oh really? Congratulations, that's great." Steve replied genuinely, a smile was gracing his face.

"Yeah, he is the best. I mean we have pulled a dozen all-nighters already because of him, but it is so worth it." he said, as he pulled his phone out of the back pocket of his shorts, "Look!"

He showed them a dozen photos of his newborn son, a cute little kid with black hair and brown eyes, "He is cute..and he definitely got the Rollins' eyes." Steve said, his eyes filled with admiration, and Catherine couldn't help but eye him with an amused look.

Ann just followed the encounter quietly, as she placed the filled plates in front of her guests. She knew that from the outside, inviting Steve here, even though she knew how difficult it was for her daughter, probably seemed quite ignorant. However, she also knew that her daughter, being as stubborn as she was, would need a few little stimuli to finally make things right with Steve, so that they could both move on.

"You are right." Alex replied and seemed to be somewhat impressed by Steve's observation, "Isn't he just the cutest?"

"He is. You two did a great job." Catherine said and nudged him against the shoulder, a soft smile on her face, "I can't wait to meet the little guy!" She was happy for him. She really was. But she couldn't help the slight sting she felt in her heart. Sometimes she felt like her mother could read her mind, because it was in that exact moment that her mother's piercing eyes fell on her.

"You are welcome anytime, sis." Alex replied and smiled at his sister, before turning to Steve, "I mean, I didn't know that this was something I wanted, when Marie told me she was pregnant, but..it's the best." Alex added and she knew exactly what he meant. And it hurt pretty damn much, but she also knew that he never would have said such a thing, if he knew what she had been through. She hadn't told him, so she didn't blame him, but instead took a sip from his water in an effort to swallow the lumb in her throat.

When she looked back up, her eyes locked with Steve's. And all of the sudden she saw or at least seemed to see their future in his eyes. They had never really talked about having kids when they had still been dating, but she knew it was something that he wanted. She felt the guilt creep right back, filling her whole body until she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. It was all her fault, really. She had left. And then, when they were seemed to be given another chance, she had lost his baby.

"Um, I will be right back." she excused herself, as she felt tears burn in her eyes. She felt Steve's eyes follow her and she was almost positive that he had noticed that something was wrong. She locked the bathroom door behind herself and sat down on the closed toilet lid. Her arms encircled her knees, pressing them up against her upper body, as her head came to rest on her knees. With her eyes closed, it was even harder to keep out the images that kept floating her mind.

FLASHBACK - 20th March 2019, 0435 hours, Rollins' household

Catherine was awaken by a sharp pain in her abdomen. It almost felt like she was having contractions and she knew that that wasn't a good sign, "Ugh." she breathed, as her body convulsed. For the fraction of a moment the pain seemed to lessen, so she reached out for the lamp on the nightstand and folded the covers away, just to find a big red stain in what used to be a white bedsheet.

"No." she sobbed, tears of pain and fear rolling down her cheeks. She knew what this meant or at least she was fairly certain what it meant. Somehow she managed to get up and stumble to her parents' room, "Mom, mom!"

"Catherine..what is going on?" her mother mumbled, still half-asleep, "What time is it?"

"I..I think I'm-I am having a-a miscarr-iage." she was stammering, the pain in her abdomen and the fact that she was crying barely allowed her to speak properly. This wasn't at all like her. She had never been the one to run to her parents when she was hurting, even as a little kid. She had always been too stubborn and wanted to solve her problems on her own. However, that she was running to her parents now, without even thinking about it, showed how serious the situation was.

"What?" her mother was suddenly wide-awake and switched on the lights, waking James, Catherine's father, in the process, "Hmm." the man murmured.

"Call 911 now!" she ordered her husband, who was now wide awake too. With one glance at Catherine, he knew exactly what was going on. He felt his heart break at the sight, he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hug all the pain away, but he was a soldier; he was trained to not let his emotions take the upper hand.

"Mom." Catherine cried, because the pain was consuming her. It wasn't just the physical pain anymore, it was the combination of both the physical one as well as the emotional pain. She held her stomach, almost as if by holding it she could save her baby. "Please st-stay." she begged, it was barely understandable.

She felt her mom wrap her arms around her, trying to support her daughter in the best way she could right now. Ann had experienced or been a witness to quite a few terrible things over the years - something that came with being a nurse with the military - but this was by far the worst. Seeing her own daughter cry and beg for her baby to stay, for this to just be a nightmare. And the worst thing was that she couldn't do a single thing to help her.

"Pl-please do someth-thing. Mom. Pl-please." Catherine begged again, this time it was merely a whisper. And then, suddenly, it was quiet. Almost unbearably so. It was like all energy had left her daughter, like she was empty.

The ambulance came and brought her to the ER. It wasn't like anybody had expected a different outcome, but they couldn't do anything anymore. Catherine had suffered a miscarriage. The doctors advised her to spent the night in the hospital so that they could check her out thoroughly in the morning to make sure that she was going to be fine. She didn't really care, she barely noticed any of that happening and her parents did most of the talking. At some point, she had just given up. She knew that her baby was gone even before she even arrived at the hospital.

Now, she was laying in a hospital bed. Rays of sunshine were flooding the other than that pretty bleak and sterile room. Her parents were sleeping in armchairs at her bedside, but Catherine didn't sleep. Maybe she could have, but she didn't really allowed herself to try.

Her hand found its' way to her stomach. She had barely started to show, so it didn't feel much different. Or at least nobody would have noticed it from the outside. But on the inside she felt a giant hole inside of her, like she was suddenly not complete anymore. A part of her had gone with that baby.

A silent tear escaped her eye. The irony of it all was that at the beginning, she hadn't even wanted it. When she had first found out that she was pregnant about a month ago, she had been surprised and angry. Both with herself and Steve. It was his, there was no doubt of that. Her life was kind of all over the place, she was working in one of the most dangerous jobs in the world and she could hardly continue being an undercover agent with the CIA while being pregnant. At first she didn't like the thought of that at all, because her job was her whole life, it gave her the halt she needed. And as long as she was working, she felt like she hadn't given up her whole life and everything she had ever loved for nothing, because she was trying to make the world a better place.

But then, when she had heard the baby's heart beat for the very first time, something changed and this little thing that had been developing in her tummy had started to grow on her. She had been planning to hand in her letter of resignation in the next few days. So, she had taken a few weeks off and flew to Hawai'i, where she was staying with her parents until she would have mustered up the courage to tell Steve. Actually, she had planned to tell him today. She had no idea how he would have reacted, because she barely knew what was going on in his life right now and it hadn't exactly been planned. But she could have never imagined not telling him. A little, very little, part of her was even feeling excited to tell him, because this could have been their second chance. The tears were streaming down her face by now.

But now, it didn't even matter anymore. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. She suddenly felt like getting as far away from this place as possible, because she knew the longer she would stay here the greater the urge to tell Steve what had happened. And she definitely wanted to spar him from that pain. He had suffered from so much loss in his life already, he didn't need to add a unborn baby on top of that.

PRESENT - Rollins household, 1815 hours

Catherine ran her hands over her face, after splashing it with water. Her mother was right and she knew it. She would never be able to leave this event in the past - as far as that was even possible - without telling Steve. She had successfully ignored that part of her brain that had told her that from the beginning, because she had felt so guilty. She had felt like this was somehow her fault and that he was gonna blame her like she was blaming herself, that he was gonna hate her like she had hated herself. Nowadays she knew that he was probably going to be angry and sad and maybe he wouldn't even wanna talk to her for some time, but she was sure that he would never, not in a million years, blame her for anything, especially not for losing the baby.

She sighed deeply. Her mind was set, she would tell him. No matter the costs. They both deserved closure. A few deep breaths later, she unlocked the bathroom door and joined the others at the table. Once again, she felt like her mother could read her mind, because she only smiled at her gently. Catherine nodded softly, confirming her mother's suspicion. She would tell him.

TRIGGER WARNING: In this chapter, a miscarriage will be described in detail. If you suffered one yourself or if you are generally sensitive in regards to this topic, this might be triggering. Please put your mental health first, when deciding whether to read this chapter or not. If you do wanna read it, you can for example just skip the part that is written in cursive.

.

I have to admit that lately I have been feeling rather insecure about this story in particular, because I know that it is different from the show (many OCs etc.). And since it ended about a week ago, I don't know if people are even still interested. Anyway, thanks for sticking with my story I guess and I hope you still like it.