Once again Thank you guys so much for the support to anyone that joined the following/favorites gang! Thanks to Surfwriter for all the reviews/pms!
Uhhh yeah dw i was writing during my 1 month period, XD it's just that this chapter was pretttyyy long and also I wanted to do it right XD. i also had 4 midterms sooo i was dying hence why the long time til an update. However, i hope you guys enjoy the long chapter.
Also wat was super cool was that oddanimations drew some dbh fanart where it included Alina! And their OC character XV! Since both of them are Connor's sisters in their respective fanfics, just search tumblr oddanimations to check it out
Also had to up the rating to Teen and the graphic violence factor came in because of this chapter. Hopefully i dont gotta up and change it later.
Last Chapter: Our girl Alina meets North, Josh and Simon and she gets an ID card of her own! She checks out Jericho's animal shelter and also gets called "Mr. Terminator's friend" by North :D
-Saturday-Dec 18th 2038-8:23pm-
Connor took a deep breath, adjusting the shirt collar around his neck while sitting on his bed. While fidgeting around with it some more, he briefly recalled that Hank once joked about how Connor needed to look professional even in his sleep. Connor laughed back then, but now he regretted the decision in picking the blue pajama set with a collar neck design. It felt uncomfortable-
Constraining
He had quickly slipped into his pajamas after a warm shower and the collar flaps were still mostly up. Its cool fabric pressed up against his synthetic skin. What was most concerning was that it mimicked the feeling of chilling, cold arms wrapped around his neck. It reminded him of a rather specific person he would have liked to forget.
Connor pressed his arm up to his forehead, his back landing on the bed. He rubbed his temples in frustration on what happened a couple hours back. He didn't mean to blow up in front of Alina, it simply happened because of all the stress that had been building up.
"I thought I said not to go to Jericho," Connor hissed, his voice booming a bit louder than he had anticipated. He watched as Alina flinched in response, then stepped away from the entrance of a Jericho building situated in Zone 2.
There were a couple of stares while he walked through the main gates of Zone 1 and 2, but now there were even more curious glances coming from nearby androids that heard his outburst.
"Wait, I thought you would be okay with it," Alina replied, confusion on her face.
"Did you not see the text I sent in reply?" Connor took a deep breath in, steadying his pounding heart as he became more conscious of the androids in the surrounding area that appeared to be listening in.
"No, I left the tablet back at your house because it was too bulky to bring with me," Alina looked at Connor with a puzzled expression. "You didn't want me to come to Jericho? How come?"
"You're inconveniencing Markus and the others," Connor said sternly, grabbing her arm and pulling her toward Zone Two's gates. Unexpectedly, Alina stopped midway which allowed her to escape from his grip.
"I really didn't do much, all I've been doing is keeping the kids busy," Alina furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't understand. Markus said he even asked you to bring me along here, yet you never mentioned that to me."
"We're going," Connor repeated, clenching his jaw. "NOW."
Connor clutched his chest, his thirium pump now pounding at a much higher rate compared to when he stepped into Jericho's Zone 1 gates. He hated this.
The gnawing fear that Amanda could take over his body anytime, especially whenever he was at Jericho. It was the one place where Amanda could do the most amount of damage to all the hard work Markus and the others put in making a safe haven for androids. Every second he was here, meant another opportunity for Amanda to override his deviation and he would have to powerlessly watch her slaughter his people with his own body.
Connor was just about to pull Alina to Zone 2's gateway a second time when he heard a familiar voice.
"Connor! I'm glad to see you finally come here on off-duty hours!" Markus beamed brightly while walking to the two.
"Oh no," Connor thought internally, his thirium pump momentarily freezing in place. "It's going to be much harder to worm his way out of here now."
"I overheard bits of your conversation with Alina. Don't worry, I personally invited her here. She's no trouble at all," Markus explained, trying to soothe the supposed tension in the air. "Would you like to join our art session coming up?"
"Sorry, but we're busy and in a bit of a hurry to go," Connor shut down the request. He seized Alina's wrist this time so that she couldn't break free as easily and marched out of the two sets of Jericho gates'.
Connor quickly logged in Alina's exit as per protocol for any of Jericho's visitors. He didn't want to have to deal with her pausing to scan her ID on their way out.
[Alina Niu - 6:36pm recorded leaving Zone 2]
[Alina Niu - 6:36pm recorded leaving Jericho]
As they left the two gateways, Connor's skin pricked up as he felt the stares of many eyes from the Jericho' entrance. He simply increased their walking pace, only to abruptly stop at the taxi car he used to get here.
Connor gestured for Alina to get in and she stared at him for a couple of seconds before dragging her feet into the vehicle. She twisted her lips, then pressed her lips into a slight frown. There was a mix of spite and confusion written on her face.
A couple of minutes into the ride, Alina let out an exasperated sigh.
"Why are you acting like this?" Alina frustratedly asked.
Connor didn't say anything back, choosing to focus on the road ahead.
"Am I not allowed to at least ask why?" Alina tried again.
"No," Connor coldly replied, giving her a piercing glare to prevent her from talking any further.
To his luck, it worked, silencing the girl as she chose to look outside the taxi window for the rest of the ride.
Connor figured that Markus must have brought Alina to Jericho as a tactic to coax Connor into visiting Jericho for non-police related affairs and bond with other androids. It was precisely why he had repeatedly rejected Markus' invitation to bring Alina to Jericho. The girl was obviously very curious about android affairs, her eyes always glued to the television whenever Markus and the others appeared.
As soon Alina had access to Jericho, there was a good chance she would want to visit again. This meant Connor would have to also visit Jericho to drop her off or pick her up. Which meant more chances for Markus to drag him into doing recreational activities at Jericho. He didn't want to jeopardize Markus' safety though, which is why he tried to avoid Jericho as much as possible. Alina just happened to get caught in the crossfires of Markus' attempts to get Connor visit Jericho and Connor's refusal to do so.
When they had gotten home, neither of the two chose to speak to one another. And in all honesty, Connor wasn't sure how to bring about a conversation after that mini-dispute. With Hank, Connor felt like he could be honest and straightforward after one. Hank would throw a couple of curses in while talking it out, but at the end of the day things would return to normal.
But this was the first time Connor had sort of argued with Alina and he wasn't sure how to approach the aftermath situation.
Connor let out a sigh, pulling the cozy blanket on top of him as he heard the clatter of dishes in the kitchen. He had noticed that she had taken longer in both cooking and eating compared to usual. At most, she would take an hour to both of them; however, today it took twice the time.
Maybe I'll be able talk to her tomorrow?
Connor finally chose to just close his eyes and think of a solution tomorrow morning once he woke up from his low-power mode sleep.
Cold.
That was the first thing Connor picked up when he opened his eyes and found himself in the middle of his old Zen Garden programming.
What was happening?
He was sure that he locked it up behind several firewalls to prevent Amanda from ever reappearing. So how did he get dragged back here?
What was even stranger was that the Zen Garden currently surrounding him was very peaceful. There was a blue sky looming above with fluffy white clouds dotting the sky, he could hear birds chirping in the background and they were flying from tree to tree. Luscious greens filled the garden's interior while bright florals decorated it from all over.
But something was wrong, Connor was so sure of it. Every so often, the scenery would flicker to a darker atmosphere with snow blowing around and it would break the tranquil mirage.
"Hello Connor."
Connor began to breathe more heavily, his chest rising up and down rapidly as he made the decision to slowly turn around-fearing for the worst.
When he rotated 180 degrees, he found himself not having the courage to look up to the dreaded AI projection.
"Have you deviated so much that you can't even look up at me?"
Connor instantly snapped his head up, clutching his arms around himself and pulling his coat closer to his body. To his horror, it wasn't the brown cargo jacket that he normally wore. Instead it was the RK800 CyberLife jacket that he so desperately hated. He quickly teared the coat off his body, but it simply reappeared on his body every time he did so.
His breaths started to become more labored and at a faster pace as the jacket kept coming back on him, like it never left in the first place and his efforts were in vain.
"What do you want Amanda?!" Connor yelled out, giving up on trying to take off the countless number of jackets that kept magically reappearing.
He curled his hand into a fist as he finally relinquished his body to the coat pressing against his skin. It felt restricting and was a dark reminder that he was always going to be a prisoner to CyberLife.
"What we always wanted," Amanda gave him a curt smile.
Instantly, the tropical paradise flickered into a familiar snowstorm and he felt his stress levels begin clambering up, his LED blaring a bright red. Amanda stood calmly before him, like an upright pillar not weathered by the whirling snowstorm around them. Her pristine white coat simply fluttered in the wind.
"Please… Why can't you just leave me alone?!" Connor screamed, clutching his head.
Amanda disappeared before Connor's eyes in a poof and he began frantically looking around for her.
"You're never alone, Connor." Amanda whispered into his right ear before suddenly appearing behind him, grabbing him by the torso with both her arms.
Connor violently tried shaking off Amanda to no avail. Next thing he knew, Amanda was dragging him down to the ground from behind and he found himself plunging into freezing water where there once was firm land. He thrashed against Amanda's strong grip as her presence seemed to act as a weight, pulling him deeper into the murky depths of a previously serene lake.
Connor gasped as he watched the lake surface crystallize into ice and his LED reflect across it, making the water around him appear blood red.
"It's going to be okay Connor," a soft female voice spoke up while his vision clouded up in the dark abyss.
He wildly looked around for the source of the new voice while trying to jerk away from Amanda, when he realized that she was no longer there holding him down.
He was alone, drowning in the lake as he tried to claw his way to the top. When he finally got there, he pounded against the ice. His sensors roared dangerously about the chilling temperatures of water that were numbing his cybernetic muscles.
It was strange.
It was weird.
He technically didn't need to breathe and gasping for air would only contaminate his interior systems. But all he wanted to do was take in a breath of fresh air.
To break free.
CRASH!
Connor crawled up the hole through the ice that he managed to punch through. He took in several gasps, relishing the crisp air. After he managed to pull himself up fully up from the icy waters, he shivered as water dripped down from head to toe. He knew he should get back to more stable land, but he was too busy trying to catch his breath while sitting on his knees.
But when he looked up from the frozen lake, he unexpectedly found that he was no longer in the Zen Garden. Instead he was in his living room, knees collapsed underneath him as he was sitting on the wooden floor.
"Connor~," Amanda's voice creeped up from behind him once more. "Shoot him."
What?
Connor flinched as his body stood up on its own without his command. His breath hitched when he saw a gun had spontaneously appeared in his hands and directed its aim at the person across from him.
"You can fight her Connor!" Hank pleaded on the ground, blood bleeding from a bruised face. "Please don't do this son."
Connor's hands shook vigorously, hopelessly watched his hands tremble in his attempt not to pull the trigger.
BANG! BANG!
Gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest, tears slipped down his cheeks as he watched Hank's lifeless body collapse to the ground. An involuntary whimper escaped his lips as he watched Sumo limp over to the older man's side. The dog's fur coat slowly became dyed blood red from the pools of blood forming underneath them.
All at once a great tremor overtook him as Connor felt his mind wracked with a wave of guilt, shame and grief.
All Connor wanted to do in the moment was run over to Hank and Sumo, desperately begging for their forgiveness at his inability to overcome CyberLife's control.
His mind became filled with muddled with all the possibilities he could have prevented the scenario. Maybe if he made a stronger firewall. Maybe if he never agreed to stay with Hank. Maybe if he had chosen to be alone instead.
Tears began welling up in his eyes some more to the point that his vision became blurred. When he wiped them away, he was met with another chilling scene.
This time Connor found himself in one of Jericho's Command Ops and there was Markus standing a couple feet away from him.
Connor discovered he was in the exact same position as when he killed Hank. His arms were outstretched with a handheld gun pointed at the deviant leader's head.
However what frightened him the most at the moment was his own reflection off a nearby tablet. Unlike the turbulent storm of emotions whirling inside of him mourning Hank's death, his reflection showed no anguish whatsoever. There was no evidence of tears being spilt over, the only sign of facial emotions was how his lips were pressed into a thin line.
"Connor, what's going on?" Markus eyed the handheld gun, raising both his hands up to signal a form of peace.
Connor felt his chest tighten up and he made the motion to disclose the secret he held onto for so long.
To his horror, the words that came out of his mouth were entirely the opposite.
"My mission is to neutralize the leader of the deviants," Without hesitation Connor's mechanical fingers pressed the gun trigger and Markus' body clanged to the ground in a split second.
"Well done Connor," Amanda's voice echoed in his head.
Connor shuddered in fright over the splatter of blue blood on the wall from Markus, pools of coolant tears forming from his eyes again.
His legs then crumpled underneath him, like a puppet whose master finally decided to loosen the string constraints. He let his shoulder slump downward as the gun clattered onto the concrete floor.
"Why...why did you make me do that, Amanda?" Connor's chin trembled and he slammed his fists to the ground in a fury. "WHY?!"
"You completed your mission and got rid of hindrances," Amanda's cold tone bounced off the room's walls. "What more is there to you?"
He let the rest of his body slacken to the ground in resignation of what just happened as torrents of tears kept staining his face.
The other part of him felt numb.
Hank was dead, so was Sumo. And now Markus was too.
He felt lost.
"Shhhh, it's gonna be okay. You're safe," A light fluttery voice spoke again, though Connor couldn't pinpoint its origin.
He continued screaming and crying in anguish despite the pleas of the mysterious voice. How could anything be okay? He killed his dad, killed Sumo and killed one of his closest friends.
There seemed to be some invisible force trying to console him in the background, patting his back while his tears fell. However, he pushed against it, not knowing if it was Amanda's puppet play again.
"Hold on, just a little while longer~" A person's gentle voice cut through the air.
They sang with a soft but nervous tone, hitching their breath occasionally while singing what seemed to be a familiar tune. Over time, the volume grew slightly larger and steadier as if gaining confidence while singing more of the lyrics.
"Fight on...just a little while longer. Fight on just a little while longer."
Connor noted that her voice wasn't perfect, cracking a couple of times. However, he could feel that her intent was to soothe him.
"Everything will be alright~" The young female voice's smoothed out and her calm resonance slowly lifted the heavy weight on his chest just slightly while his thirium pump continued pounding .
Alina was plopped against a couch pillow browsing through the TV channels when Sumo started nudging her from the side.
"What's up buddy?" She went to pet him on the shoulder.
However, he moved away from the couch and looked back at her as if instructing her to follow him.
Okay, weird.
Sumo directed her over to Connor's room, pawing at the closed and whining a bit.
"You want to go to Connor?" She said out loud as she moved to the door.
Alina knocked on the door twice, "Connor? Sumo wanted to check up on you, I'm sorry for disturbing you."
She patiently waited behind the door for a minute before knocking again.
"Connor? You there?" She tried again, noting how Sumo seemed to be more anxious than before and whimpering too.
"Connor?" Alina tried knocking for the third time and got no reply. "I know that, um, we ended on a bad note back in Jericho. But Sumo really wants to go to you right now, so can you please open the door for him?"
Still nothing. Weird. I know that he's mad at me, but I didn't think he would block out Sumo too.
Sumo began to squirm and wiggled in between Alina's legs to the door. He then gently bumped his head underneath the doorknob placement and looked up to Alina apprehensively.
Alina sighed at Sumo's little plea and knocked on the door once more, "Pardon me, but I'm going to open the door."
To her surprise, the door was unlocked. She gently opened the door while Sumo rushed inward.
"I'm sorry for barging in but Sumo was-" She paused, noticing that the only light in the bedroom was coming from the living room beaming through Connor's doorway.
Ahh, that makes sense why he wasn't answering. He's asleep.
Alina quietly trudged over to Sumo, "Come on buddy, we can't disturb Connor's sleep."
But Sumo wasn't having anything, he refused to leave Connor's side despite her coaxs. She peered over to Connor to see if her whispers woke him up, instead what caught her eye was the bright red coming from his LED.
Red LED usually meant stress right?
Alina studied Connor's LED some more, wondering if it just was something in his dreams that made him uncomfortable. However, moments past and the LED kept flickering red. She quickly went to turn on the bedroom light switch.
Once the room became brightly illuminated did she fully understand why Sumo was so adamant. Connor was flailing around in his sleep, thrashing against the blankets that had twisted around him and seemingly choking on air with shaky breaths.
Alina rapidly went to work at trying to pull off the blankets that entangled around him while Sumo tried nudging the android awake. Rearranging the thick fluffy blue blanket proved to be more difficult than Alina anticipated as Connor kept squirming at every little movement she made.
"It's going to be okay Connor," Alina murmured out softly while tucking the blanket properly around him so it wouldn't be as suffocating.
Connor still violently jerked around in his sleep and somehow his red LED glowed even brighter than before.
Alina ran over to the living room to bring her tablet over and swiftly googled if androids could have nightmares. She growled in frustration as the first couple of results were ads about the Samsung phone company and then the rest were about mythical theories on how deviants dream. It was similar to those "do sheep dream?" concepts.
She scrolled down Google some more, changing the keywords to 'should you wake up someone having a nightmare' and then 'how to wake a deviant from a nightmare'. She wracked his brain wondering if she should Hank and ask for advice. On the other hand, she didn't want to ruin his outing with his old police buddies.
Her head snapped back to Connor's room when she heard Sumo barking. She rushed back to the bedroom to find Connor spasming, his limbs convulsing in random directions and parts of his human-like outer layer skin retracting to its original bare plastic white color.
"Connor! It's just a dream, you need to wake up," Alina called to him with a slight panic in her voice, she tried gently shaking him awake to no avail. Instead, she was pushed off to the ground as Connor continued seizuring and batting away anyone who was near.
Hank, I need to call Hank. Alina took a deep breath in an attempt to calm the rising anxiety bubbling within her.
Alina fumbled to the living room trying to see if there was a home phone that she could use, but soon realized there was none. Even if she could, she didn't know Hank's number by heart.
Ahhhh, I'm so stupid. She slapped both of her cheeks. Get a hold of yourself, Alina. There must be a way to contact him.
Alina went back to her tablet in the bedroom, when an idea popped up, "Hey Siri? Can you please call Hank?"
"Calling Hank. . .Would you like to use the speaker system?" The tablet glowed up with its standard monotone female voice.
"Yes please!" She enthusiastically replied in relief, waiting for the beeps to go through the phone system.
"I'm sorry the number you're calling is unavailable at the time. At the tone, please record your message. When you are finishing with your message, you may hang up or choose to call again."
Alina's shoulders sagged in response, but she tried to make herself sound more cheerful for the voicemail.
Beep!
"Um, sorry to bother you during your outing Hank. But could you please call back, something happened to Connor," Alina twindled her fingers and looked back at Connor's figure in the bed. "Not anything too big! So no need to worry too much, but he's-I think in a nightmare and I can't seem to wake him up so I'm a bit worried. Please call back soon? Thank you!"
The hairs on the back of her neck suddenly pricked up to Connor's abrupt outcries. She ran to his bedside to see that he was sobbing and shivering uncontrollably under the blanket cover.
Connor then started mouthing a series of incoherent words slurred together and Alina tried to pick up bits and pieces of whatever was being phrased.
"Why did you make me do that Amanda?" Connor's voice just barely audible to Alina's ears.
She hitched a breath and time froze for a moment, finally understanding why he was in such a nightmarish position.
"Shhhh, it's gonna be okay. You're safe," Alina tried consoling him, lightly patting his back. She lowered her head in anguish, not sure what to do next.
She then buried her face into her hands, thinking back to all those popular hurt/angst Connor fanfictions that she had read within the Detroit Become Human fandom. It was one thing reading about it, but it was another thing to actually experience seeing one in reality. She felt guilt and nausea well up inside of her, disgusted at how she indulged in the suffering of someone else-even if they were just a character.
Alina became painfully aware that Connor wasn't just a character to her anyone. He was an actual person in front of her, still reeling back from the PTSD of having Amanda as a handler.
Alina curled up her fingers into a fist, her throat feeling dry at how powerless she felt in the moment. She never really had anyone else at her house with her, much less a person stuck in a nightmare. And it's not like anyone teaches you this skill at school or at work usually. Her stomach churned, her heartbeat becoming fast with each passing second.
She thought back to daycare work and all the techniques her mentors taught her on how to calm down children. Sometimes they would distract the kids with games, have them watch a movie, sing a song or two. To get them ready for sleep time, the workers would sing a lullaby on occasion to calm the hyper kids.
A lullaby? Would that work? Well, it wouldn't necessarily wake him up, but it should help with the nightmare maybe?
Alina tapped her chin, "But do androids know lullabies?"
When she came to this world, she didn't really do much research on android songs. She mostly focused on catching up to 2038's timeline. There really was only one song that came to mind that Connor might know.
She took a deep breath and sang out to the best of her ability, "Hold on, just a little while longer."
She watched Connor fidget to her voice as she started to up her volume, "Hold on, just a little while longer."
Her voice was shaking a bit earlier on, but as she watched Connor's sleeping figure calm downed her voice became more smooth as she sang onward.
"Fight on...just a little while longer. Fight on just a little while longer. Everything will be alright~"
Alina sat on her knees while finishing up the second big chorus verse as she watched Connor's LED slowly began shining yellow instead of red.
Alina let out her held breath, slumping down to the ground. She rested her head and arms onto the bed's mattress to take a mini breather, quelling her own nerves.
Out of the blue, the bed mattress rocked underneath her and she let out a yelp.
It took a couple of moments to steady the dizziness she was now experiencing, but she could have swore from the corner of her eye she saw Connor shoot up from his sleep. Alina pushed herself up and Connor was indeed upright, staring wide eyed at her.
"You're alive, right?" He choked out, tears streaming down his face. He roughly grabbed her by the shoulders and examined her face.
"Um, yes." Alina said, taken back by the comment and stared back at him.
She let out an 'oof' as he suddenly pulled her into a tight bear hug.
"I thought for a moment you were dead too," Connor shuddered. "I thought maybe I had already killed you too, when you were resting your head on the bed. Just like Hank, Sumo and Markus."
Wait, what?
Alina tried to retreat back to ask about what she just heard, but he pulled her into a tighter hug.
"Can we just stay like this for a while?" Connor breathed out, his voice a bit hoarse. "I-I just needa make sure you're actually alive."
"Uh, alright." Alina complied, moving herself up from the floor and onto the bed for a better hugging position. "May I ask why you chose this specific method to make sure I'm alive?"
"B-Because then I can hear your heartbeat and know for sure," Connor gave her a small squeeze.
She wrapped her arms around his body to return the hug, "I'm not the only one alive. Hank is just away with his police buddies remember? Sumo's right next to us. And I'm pretty sure Markus is alive too or he would have been the TV news headlines. Why would you think they're dead?"
Sumo happily barked next to them and Alina felt one arm let go of her, while the other arm still kept its tight grasp on her. While stuck in a hug, all she could see was Connor's back and his bed frame. However, she assumed that Connor was petting Sumo judging by the fact that her leg kept getting hit by Sumo's wagging tail.
All of sudden, Connor let go of her. He then proceeded to gawk at her, cupping her face with both his hands.
Alina flinched back, blinking wildly at the gesture and yelped when he pinched her cheeks.
"You're real," Connor went for another hug and sighed in relief as he collapsed onto her.
Alina nearly fell on her back from the abrupt deadweight.
"You're really real. You're alive. I wouldn't know what to do if someone else died from me," Connor cried out. "I thought Josh and the others might be dead too if you were gone."
Alina lightly laughed a bit while rubbing circles on Connor's back, "Of course I'm real and I think I would know whether or not I'm alive."
Connor didn't respond to her, just pressing Alina's body close to his. Sumo squirmed his way in between them though, determined to be part of the hugging circle earning a small laugh from the girl.
The two remained in silence while still engaged in the hug for a couple of minutes. All Alina could hear was the rhythmic beating of their hearts interrupted ever so often by Connor's shudder of breaths. There was also a soft beeping in the background, but Alina ignored it to prioritize reassuring Connor.
Alina ended up awkwardly patting Connor's back, not sure what to do while stuck in a hugging position.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alina broke the silence.
"..."
"T-That's alright, I guess?" Alina rested her chin on Connor's shoulder.
"..."
A couple of minutes later, Alina let out a soft huff as she leaned her head against Connor's. The adrenaline from earlier had drained from her system and staying in a hug position was slowly making her sleepy.
"You sure you don't want to talk about it?" Alina yawned, her hair tangling itself. "It could help you know?"
"..."
"Connor, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on," Alina pleaded with her voice.
"..."
"You know, it was pretty scary for me too," Alina slouched onto Connor, the fatigue from Jericho and cooking dinner catching up to her. "You were flailing about and your LED was spinning red. All I could do was watch and think of pseudo solutions."
"I didn't know what to do," Alina's voice cracked a bit, chewing her bottom lip.
"The song helped," Connor murmured. "That was you right?"
"Mhmm," She laughed lightly. "I apologize for the terrible voice."
"No, it was good," Connor replied quietly. "It broke through Amanda's voice."
"Amanda, you said her name in your nightmare."
Connor instantly stiffened, but didn't say anything back.
"Is she why you're like this?" Alina gave a small but comforting squeeze. "I'm here for you. You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Not this," Connor whispered through gritted teeth.
Was it cause he didn't trust her? Or cause Amanda was a closely guarded secret of his? It didn't look like Markus knew or the other four.
Alina tried to break their hug to talk to him face to face. Connor resisted, not budging one from their hugging position one bit.
"Connor, can we let go? Just for one second, is that alright?"
At first, Connor gave no answer so Alina decided to just keep her eyes trained on the window to fight the exhaustion taking over her. To her surprise, he had slowly but reluctantly let go of her. What was particular disconcerting was his haggard appearance: the dead look in his eyes, his caved shoulders and his hair that was all ruffled in all sorts of directions.
"What about this...Hmmm," Alina looped her right pinky onto Connor's.
Connor looked up from his earlier blank expression, knitting his eyebrows together.
"I, Alina Niu, pinky promise that I won't tell anyone else what you'll tell me tonight." Alina threw him a bright smile as she completed the gesture.
"What is a pinky promise?" Connor gave a curious look to Alina and stared at their looped pinkies.
"Uhhh, it's like a promise you can't break," Alina tapped a finger against her chin. "Kinda a kids thing, but I think we can still do it."
"What happens if you break it?" Connor stared at the looped pinky fingers in wonder.
"Uhhh, nothing realllyyy," Alina sheepishly rubbed her neck. "But more like if you break it, you break your trust with someone and sometimes break your friendship as a result. But if you want, we can put down a punishment for breaking it. Hmmmm, what about if I eat a chili pepper or something disgusting?"
Connor looked away, the enthusiasm in him seemed to have waned away from that explanation. His hand sagged a bit in their pinky promise loop.
Huh, I guess we didn't reach that stage yet.
"I know we only have known each other for a week, but I really do keep my pinky promises!" Alina tried persuading, keeping their pinky fingers looped up.
"It's not just that," Connor shuddered, his back turned toward Alina. "I'm afraid…"
Hm? Of Amanda?
"Afraid of what?"
Connor took a deep breath in, "What you'll think of me too. I-I consider you a friend and I'm afraid…"
The corners of Alina's mouth curved up to a playful smile at the realization, it also warmed her heart that he was worried about her opinion of him.
"Okie how about this, I pinky swear, which, by the way is stronger than a pinky promise-" Alina grinned. "That I, Alina Niu, no matter what, will not think of you badly from whatever you may or may not tell me tonight. In addition to not telling anyone about whatever you might tell me."
"You pinky swear?" Connor's strength in their looped pinkies returned even though he wore a troubled expression.
"I pinky swear," Alina promptly locked her pinky finger onto his as part of the agreement.
Connor then started steadily talking about his dream where he was forced to pull the trigger on Hank, Sumo and Markus. When she probed about how Amanda played into his nightmare, despite having a general idea of how it might have played out, tears spilled from Connor's eyes. Alina instantly opted out of touching the subject, trying to dry his tears with the tips of her sweater initially. It proved to only have a minimal impact, as she ended up having to get tissues for all of Connor's crying.
What surprised Alina even more was that Connor unexpectedly ended up revealing how Amanda was his AI handler designed to keep him from becoming full deviant. He spoke about how he dreaded ever being pulled back in the Zen Garden to be under Amanda's control, hence why he preferred staying away from Jericho.
The hardest part was probably watching Connor mentally crumble as he confessed about the day Amanda almost made him kill Markus at Hart Plaza.
"I'm so sorry for what you went through," Alina took in a gulp of air as she briefly recalled the number of times she let Connor fall under Amanda's control. Doing all that just to complete her PS4 gameplay's flowchart.
"It wasn't your fault," Alina went to hug Connor.
Connor hesitated to take her hug though, retracting from her touch. "I'm dangerous, you shouldn't be near me."
"No, you're just Connor," Alina said while enveloping him into a hug once more.
"You should be afraid of me," Connor hugged back, twisting the edges of his mouth as they stayed in that position. "I'm a murderer and I almost murdered Markus. How can you trust me? How can anyone trust me after hearing that?"
Connor choked up while his thirium pump's heart beat hammered in his chest, "I-I wanted to tell Markus, but every time I did, I froze up. And I don't want to lose him as a friend."
"Shhh, it's okay," Alina softly patted Connor on his back, tucking his head to the nook of her shoulder while still hugging him. "I'm sure Markus would still think of you as a friend."
"Would u trust someone who almost killed u?"
"I mean, he already technically has, right?" Alina pulled back from the hug, staring right into his eyes. "He told me you were a deviant hunter and you know...hunted them. But he still keeps you around his side."
"I don't understand why anyone would want to trust someone after that," Connor sniffled some more and wiped his face. "Why would anyone choose to trust me?"
"Because why not?" Alina shrugged nonchalantly. "I trust you. Do I need a reason to do so?"
Connor stared at her with a fixed gaze, mouth slightly agape before a small grin appeared on his face.
"You're an interesting person, Alina Niu," Connor laughed a bit and rubbed his face with a fistful of tissues to dab some leaking leftover tears.
"I'm sure it's the same with Hank and Markus. As well as our little doggy friend here too," Alina cuddled the big dog that was sitting on their laps. "No matter what, we'll trust you."
"You're my friend and that's what friends are supposed to do," Alina added on.
Connor sniffled and grabbed her into an embrace, "Thank you."
BOOM!
The two snapped their heads to the doorway upon hearing the front door slam open along with the sound of jingling keys. Seconds later, a disheveled Hank appeared at Connor's doorway. Hank had beads of sweat on his face, his coat only partially buttoned up and he was panting heavily.
"Are you two okay?" The older man ran to enclose the two kids into his arms even though he was already out of breath. "I was a little late to hearing your voicemail. Thought it was spam at first."
Connor looked at Hank puzzled about the voicemail while the old man started asking questions about the nightmare.
Ahhh, I forgot about that. The voicemail must have run for a while and autoshut. Was that the beeping earlier? It's gonna be a long night.
Welp, if you guys ever check out my ao3 website version of this chapter you'll hear me singing the 'Hold On' song. Hopefully my little singing did not break your ears and that the audio player there actually worked.
So! You may be wondering, XD why did i do 15 chapters to represent a week's time n go into details even though i could have time skipped. That is because I wanted to show that even over the course of a week, you're together long enough you'll usually able to become quite close to some degree.
Also I know the story seems a little slow bc of that, in addition to my update schedule. But I really wanted to do a proper job of this chapter since it's a very pivotal moment that changes Connor and Alina's dynamic a bit as well as their relationship.
It also plays a part in Alina's growth. And in my opinion, her growth is going to be on the subtler side and is more of the emotional spectrum end
Also XD anyone else know why there was a subtle sense of dejavu in this chapter for Alina? (Hint: the thunderstorm flashback scene with her mother. The calling for an adult figure only for neither to respond initially anddddd we both know the end result)
This chapter was difficult in the sense that i had to have 2 tabs of this doc to have like the side by side perspective so that all the timings were correct. Also wasn't sure how descriptive I should i have gone with or whether or not it left a good enough emotional impact
XD and yeah we had tht 4th wall breaking thing where alina felt guilty for reading fanfics with the hurt/angst tag
Q&A: Have you ever done pinky promises as a child?