Chapter 5 – Bella
The high Bella got on stage was unlike anything else she had ever experienced in her life. The music, the noise, and the energy of the room – it was the only thing that really made her feel alive. Not drugs, or even sex could compare, however it was only drugs or sex that could help her come down from such a high.
The heavily pierced stoner with the unibrow and flared nostrils that had bought her a few drinks, wasn't exactly attractive, but he would have to do for the evening. It had been over three weeks since the last time she had sex – one of which was plagued with very grueling menstruation that made her seriously consider sterilization. Her brief abstinence, combined with the high she was feeling from the show, made Bella beyond desperate for the release. Without any good drugs on hand, she didn't really care what the dude looked like, as long as he could give her what she needed.
With her still living with her grandfather, Bella certainly couldn't take men home, but she sure as hell didn't want to go to some strange man's house either, so she opted for fucking in the ladies' room. A move, that probably wasn't entirely thought out.
Bella couldn't even get properly aroused before hearing a group of bitches snickering outside the stall.
"Just ignore them, cupcake," the man urged as he continued to attempt to get her pants down.
But she couldn't ignore them. Not even her aching desires had the power to override her unhinged anger when provoked.
One more bout of giggles was all it took for her to completely forget that man even existed. If she wasn't going to get fucked, she sure as hell was going to fuck someone up, and that was exactly what she did.
Bella flung open the stall door and challenged the bitches to laugh to her face. When one of the drunken women actually snickered again and may have even mumbled "skank" under her breath, Bella immediately punched her in the nose.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? You fucking cunt!" the woman shouted, prompting Bella to attack her once again, except this time, it was a full body assault.
It took all of the woman's four friends to pull Bella off of her, but only one of them was able to get a swing in on Bella – not that it hurt her at all or that she even felt it. Her grandfather may not have always known how to raise a little girl, but teaching her how to fight was something they had both been proud of.
All and all, the adrenaline rush of the spontaneous brawl, helped calm Bella's nerves, and alleviated her need for sex for the time being. So, without another word to the man she left unsatisfied in the stall, she headed out of the stuffy building through the backstage exit into the alleyway.
"Hey Bella, hold up!" her drummer, Jake, stopped her.
She huffed. "No, I don't want to fuck you, and no, I'm not changing my mind. I see you far too often to ever want to use you like that. Besides, I'm done with all that shit for the night."
"Man, I learned my lesson the last time I tried to get with you, and you busted my nose up," Jake said, wincing at the memory. If her band members knew one thing about Bella, it was to stay the hell away from her socially. She was not with them to make friends, nor would she allow any of them to attempt anything beyond that. She kept a solid distance between herself and everyone else, and after a very short amount of time, they had all come to accept it.
"Jake, what do you want?" she asked frustrated.
"I'm sorry… please don't hurt the messenger, okay?"
"Spit it out!" she shouted at him.
"There's a guy right in there. He said he really needs to talk to you."
She rolled her eyes. "How much did he pay you to let him backstage?"
Jake shrugged sheepishly. "Twenty bucks."
"Wow, you cheap son of a bitch. You could have at least demanded fifty."
"Dude, I didn't want to risk him going to Mike instead. I could really use the money for bus fare."
She huffed. "Fine, let's just get this over with. Send him out."
"Okay, and thanks for not punching me," Jake said quickly, before retreating back to the building exit. He disappeared inside, but before the door could shut all the way behind him, a different man came out.
A man whose presence almost shocked Bella.
"What the fuck do you want?" she asked, immediately on guard.
"Uh…" Edward was taken aback by Bella's immediate hostility, but he wasn't detoured. "Sorry to bother you. My name is Edward Masen. Uh… we don't know each other, but…"
"You're damn right we don't know each other," she agreed, cutting him off. "I don't usually associate with your type."
"My type?" he asked confused.
"Yeah, your type," she repeated, pointing to the nice way he was dressed. "The expensive pea coat is almost too much. What are you, a cop? Just a word of advice, don't dress like my fucking grandpa the next time you come to a club like this. You stick out like a sore thumb." She stepped forward to pat him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure you will get the hang of all the undercover shit eventually."
She turned to walk away, but he called after her.
"Isabella, wait. Please, I just need a few minutes of your time."
She turned back slowly to glare at him. "How do you know my name is Isabella?" she questioned evenly. "No one ever calls me that. You are a cop, aren't you? Whatever anyone said about me is bull," she said anxiously.
She really hadn't broken any laws, except maybe whatever drug charges they could pin on her; possibly assault as well, but neither offenses were worthy of an undercover cop. However, with the assholes that frequented her gigs, who the hell knew what kind of lies one of them could have told. She had made a lot of enemies, so she really wouldn't be surprised if someone framed her with something. People more innocent than her had gotten slapped with false shitty charges.
"I'm not a cop, I promise," Edward tried assuring her.
"If you're not a cop, then how do you know my name?" Bella asked slowly, as if she assumed he was having trouble understanding her.
"Like I said, my name is Edward…"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got your name, but I'm still not interested. If you're not a cop, then you must just want a fuck, because I could see no other reason for your insistence to talk to me like this. You actually paid my drummer twenty bucks, so I guess for you it's pretty serious. Let me guess – college student? Probably a frat guy. You lost a bet, or I am the bet, right? Maybe a bucket list item? Fuck a rocker chick? Listen pal, I've had enough fuckery for one evening; I'm not interested."
"I'm not interested in anything like that either," he said quickly.
"Then what the fuck do you want?" she shouted at him.
"I'm trying to tell you!" he shouted back, which only made him angry at himself for losing his cool. He was certainly better than that.
Edward took a deep breath, and then tried to explain. "Look, I just wanted to talk to you. No, I'm not trying to get you in bed whatsoever, I just…"
Bella raised her brows in irritation as Edward's words trailed off.
"Fuck, I don't even know how to say this," he said, falling deeper and deeper into his anxious thoughts.
"Okay, I've had enough," Bella grumbled, before turning to walk away.
"Wait!" Edward called after her again, but this time with a level of desperation he wasn't intending to show her. Surprisingly, it was that desperation that convinced Bella to pause.
She turned back to him slowly and waited.
He honestly didn't know what the hell he wanted to say to her. Meeting Isabella Swan was not something he ever imagined he'd do, but after seeing her name and image on that flyer, he realized that he just had to know that she was okay. And the woman standing in front of him certainly was not okay.
He quickly decided that the truth was too crazy, and disclosing such would possibly even prompt her to file a restraining order, so he needed to come up with a lie. A lie, that wouldn't make him seem like an even bigger jackass than he currently felt like.
"I'm losing my patience here," Bella said full of irritation. "This is me walking away…"
"Can you just hold on!" he said with equal exasperation.
The lie wasn't coming to him fast enough, so his desperation increased tenfold. "Look, I'm trying to get this out, but the truth is, I've had a really shitty day and I'm not exactly thinking clearly. My idiot, now ex-girlfriend, lied and said she was pregnant, making me literally see my entire life, both past and future, flash before my eyes. But it was just a stupid idiotic joke that I guess was the best thing that could have happened to me because I ended the relationship before I could waste any more time with her. Then I got word my mom died, and I'm just having a little bit of a hard time with it, so can you just give me a few more fucking minutes to get my thoughts straight?"
Bella had no reason to believe a word the stranger said, but his long-winded description of his shitty day actually made her feel sorry for him. And even more shocking, she believed his sincerity.
"Hungry?" she asked him, seemingly out of the blue. "I'm actually starving. Why don't we go to that twenty-four-hour diner down the street?"
It was only when she mentioned food that he realized he actually hadn't eaten all day. "Yeah, I could eat."
The two walked silently beside each other for the entire three-minute walk to the diner, while Edward continued to consider what the hell he was going to say to her. Then they sat awkwardly across from each other in a booth.
"So?" she said as they looked over the menu. "What are you going to get?"
"Uh…" He was having trouble even reading the descriptions of the meals listed in front of him. His mind was racing a mile a minute and he was still coming up empty. All lies he could think of seemed idiotic and unbelievable, but the truth was far worse.
"I'm going to get a burger and milkshake," she told him. "You're not one of those vegan activist types that's going to squirt ketchup on me and call it blood because I'm eating meat, are you?"
He looked at her blankly for a moment. Did people really do that?
"No," was all he could think to say.
"Good, because that would have ruined my night. Not that I'm having a great night to begin with. My drummer was slow, the guitarist was fast, and the audience was too wasted to notice the difference. Then again, everything about my life is pretty much shit, so I'm not exactly sure why I'm complaining about a single evening." She paused abruptly with an almost regretful expression on her face. "Well, if your little story back there was true, I'd say your day has been even worse than mine. Did your girlfriend really tell you she's pregnant?"
"Yeah, she really did," he confirmed.
"And it was a lie? Damn. I mean, that's seriously fucked up. I guess your mom dying is worse, but I can't get over the skank of a girlfriend. You obviously have just as shitty taste in chicks as you do clothes."
Edward looked down at his chest. "Is the jacket really that bad? My uncle bought it for my birthday last year."
"Is your uncle rich?" she asked evenly.
He shrugged his reply.
"Figures. What is that, wool? I bet it's some designer shit too. Armani? Dior? At least it looks warm. I'm always freezing in this god forsaken city. You would think with all the sin going on around here this place would be a little hotter."
"Are you cold now? You can wear it if you want," he offered as he let his coat drop from his shoulders.
She laughed once. "I think you've seen far too many rom-coms. I appreciate the chivalrous offer and all, but there is no way in hell I'm wearing a strange man's coat. I'd rather continue to freeze my ass of, thank you."
"Okay," he replied slowly, but took off the coat regardless, and placed it next to him on the booth bench.
The waitress came to take their order, and since Edward still didn't know what the hell he wanted to eat, he just listened to Bella's order and said he would have the same.
"The same, huh?" she asked him suspiciously. "Do you not have preferences when it comes to food?"
"Not really. My mother ways made sure I ate a wide variety, so I've never been very picky."
"Yeah, well my grandparents were always pushovers, so they let my sorry ass become picky as hell. I'm sorry about your mother, by the way. So, why are you here sitting across from a stranger at this hour instead of helping your dad with funeral arrangements?"
"My father left when I was six, so my uncle is handling everything. She was sick for a long time; they made the arrangements together before she passed."
"Wow, so you had a shitty father too, huh? Mine killed himself when I was six months old. I guess we both come from men who couldn't handle their shit and ultimately abandoned their kids."
Edward grimaced. "Suicide isn't abandonment," he told her gently. "There are so many factors that can go into someone taking their own life. Most of the time it derives from severe depression and the feeling of drowning in hopelessness. For the victim, many times they feel the people they're leaving behind would be better off without them."
"Wow, and you went so much further in depth about that than I ever would have expected. What are you, a therapist, or something?"
"I'm actually still a student," he admitted. "I'm in the process of starting my dissertation for my doctorate degree."
"Of course, you are," she rolled her eyes. "That makes total sense; you look like one of those psycho analyst whackos. Do you spend all your time analyzing everyone you meet?"
"No."
"Good, because I really can't stand those idiots. So, what are you writing your dissertation on then?" she asked curiously.
"Uh… well, I'm getting my degree in child psychology, so I'm writing it on the long-term value of childhood therapy."
"So, that's what this is really about then," she figured. "What, did you get my name from one of your mentor's lists of ex-patients?"
"You saw psychologists as a child?" he asked.
"Don't play dumb. That's why you're bugging me, isn't it? You want to interview me for your paper. You're hoping I'll be the subject of your research. It all makes sense now."
Bella couldn't have been more wrong, but it was certainly a good excuse for his interest in her.
"Fine, you got me," he relented. "I did get your name from one of my professors."
"That is entirely illegal!" she spat. "Doctors aren't allowed to disclose information like that. They all sign confidentiality agreements. What was the name of the professor so I can make sure to file a malpractice lawsuit against him?"
Well, shit. Edward knew he messed up. Of course he wasn't allowed to get her name in that way, but his brain was really not thinking clearly that evening. Now he needed to try to talk his way out of it.
"No, please don't do that. I didn't exactly get your name by reputable means. My professor has no idea, and if you do anything to stir up trouble, I may get thrown out of school. Please," he asked with as much falsified distress as he could muster.
Her erroneous claims to the right people could create a headache for him, but with no real proof, or even any rules actually broken, he wasn't too concerned about it. Even still, he was hoping it wouldn't come to that.
Bella was angry by the offense she thought he committed, but as she considered it, she realized she wasn't as angry as she thought she was.
"Fine, whatever. Just tell me what exactly you want from me. An interview? I'm probably the wrong choice for this. I've never suffered any trauma… at least nothing major like some other people have. I was in and out of therapy as a kid, but it was only because people kept croaking around me. My pop was just over-reacting. I mean, it's perfectly normal for just about your entire family and a few of your teachers and friends to die within a few years of each other, right?"
"No… no, I don't think that's very normal," he said gently, feeling even worse about the whole thing than he did before. "It doesn't make sense, but some people just seem to suffer in life more than others. And some people go through the majority of their lives without much struggle or heartache at all. Life isn't always fair, but that doesn't mean we should give up and stop fighting."
"Is that what you think I've done?" she asked bitterly. "Give up? You've known me for all of ten minutes, and you think you've already got me figured out? Well, fuck you!" she said before moving to get up.
"Isabella, please don't leave," he practically begged her. "I apologize if I offended you; that certainly was not my intention. You're right; I don't know you. I'm truly hoping to rectify that if you would just give me a chance."
"I'd say me coming here at all with you is your chance," she retorted. "And you're blowing it big time."
"Again, I'm sorry. Please," he said, gesturing for her to sit back down.
For whatever reason, Bella found herself complying with the stranger's request. It was quite shocking to her, and as she sat back down, she couldn't help but wonder if perhaps the man was using some type of mind scrambling hypnosis on her.
"Thank you," he said graciously. "Look, I completely understand if you don't want to be the subject of my thesis, but just so you know, your name will never be used. This paper will be completely anonymous. You have my word."
Bella released a 'pfft' in disbelief. The word of a stranger. What the hell good was that? Despite her better judgement, however, she oddly found herself wanting to believe him. What the hell was this power he had over her? His intense green eyes felt like they were piercing straight through her, which made her quiver – literally.
"If you're cold, it's silly for you to not wear my coat. I promise it's not gross or sweaty or anything," he said gently.
She huffed. "Fine. Give me the damn thing."
He passed her the coat over the table, and then she pulled it on. The fact that it smelled like marinara sauce, instead of cologne like she was expecting, only made her that much more bitter…and hungry. She fucking loved Spaghetti.
"Don't tell me you work at Bella Lunas?" she asked, almost positive she recognized that particular spice blend.
He chuckled. "No, but my apartment is right above it. Why? Does the coat smell? I swear those aromas get into everything. I think they have a vent that comes straight up to my bedroom."
"That's kind of awesome actually," Bella said with a smile before taking another whiff of it. "It's far better than the cologne most guys wear. I swear that shit smells like mosquito repellent."
"Well, the cheap stuff does," Edward agreed.
"So, Doctor Manson…"
"It's Masen, actually," he corrected her. "And I'm not a doctor yet."
"Um, okay, my bad. So, Mr. Masen, where are you from? I'm detecting a little bit of an accent. Or, I should say, a lack of a proper New Yorker accent?"
"Uh – yeah," he admitted, somewhat embarrassed. It had been a long time since anyone called him out for not being a native New Yorker. "I'm from a town called Forks. It's pretty small; not many people have heard of it."
"Is it on the west coast?"
"About. And it feels a world away from here," he said as honestly as possible.
"I can only imagine. I've lived in this fucking city my entire life. I've never even traveled further west than Niagara."
"Oh, well why don't you travel?" he asked curiously.
"I'd love to, but I can't even afford my own place yet, there is no way I could swing airfare and all the other expenses of going on vacations. And when I was a kid, my Pop was never made of much money. I mean, we got by, but… he always said there was so much right here in New York that there was no sense in going anywhere else. I think he has always been a little fearful of death too. Airplanes are so dangerous, and all," she said sarcastically. "Since growing up, I've learned that there is nothing more dangerous than inner city public transportation."
"That's true," Edward agreed wholeheartedly.
As the two strangers continued to talk casually, they started to feel a lot less strange to one another. Despite their seemingly vastly different backgrounds and choice of lifestyles, the conversation somehow flowed like they were old friends. Things Bella would normally find offensive, seemed to make her laugh coming from the stiff but somehow still endearing Edward.
Before they knew it, their meal was long finished, and their milkshakes reduced to warm frothy liquid at the bottom of their glasses. They finally left the diner just as the sun was beginning to rise over the city.
"Wow, I can't believe what time it is," Bella said as she glanced at her phone. It was probably the longest span of time she had spent with anyone other than her pop without narcotics involved. It was almost disorienting for her.
"Yeah, we were there for a long time," Edward agreed with a yawn. "Listen, I really appreciate these past few hours we've spent together. You really helped make what was probably the shittiest day of my life, not so shitty. In fact, meeting you will likely go down in the history of my life as being rather profound," he said sincerely.
"I will take that as a compliment," Bella replied with a giggle. "You know, Masen, I think I kind of like you. That's pretty unique for me."
"And I will take that as a compliment," Edward echoed.
"You should. Or maybe it's a bad thing," she mused. "Most people would say that if I actually like someone, there's something probably wrong with them. "
"It's definitely not a bad thing," he assured her. "I feel honored to be liked by you. Truly."
She smiled. "But we spent most of the night talking about absolutely nothing of importance, and you missed your opportunity to interview me for your project."
Edward nodded absently. "Would it be too much to ask that we meet again in a few days? Or like, tomorrow?"
Bella took a moment to consider it. Although she felt a weird sense of innate camaraderie with the man she just met – which to her, was definitely not favorable – she also had an acute desire to learn even more about him. She didn't want to dismiss him the way she usually did with most people. There was something different about this man; something she couldn't deny no matter how much she would have liked to.
"How about we both go home to sleep for a bit, because I'm beat, and then we can meet back up later today?" she suggested.
"Really?" he asked surprised. "I thought you would need more convincing and perhaps a little begging."
She laughed. "Usually I do. Are you sure you're not really a hypnotist? You must be fucking with my mind to get me to agree to spending any more time with you."
"I'll admit, I did take a brief class in hypnotherapy. It wasn't my thing."
"You know what is the weirdest thing about you is? I actually believe all the off the wall crap you say. Weird, isn't it? I've always been really good at detecting bullshit."
"No bullshit here," he said, only semi-honestly. Regardless of his initial intention to lie to her about everything, the only untruths he had told were about how he got her name and his reason to want to spend time with her.
The more Edward spoke to Bella, the more he wanted to tell her everything; but at the same time, the more he got to know her, the more he realized that there was no way in hell she would ever forgive such a horrible mistake. The very thought of her potential anger from that discovery, made his chest ache and his stomach twist in knots.
"So, if you live above Bella Luna, your place must be right over there, huh?" Bella figured, interrupting Edward's internal conflict with himself.
"Um, no, I actually live above the one on Fifth," he clarified.
"Oh, that's kind of far."
"Yeah, I took a bus here. I wanted to come to the bay to… reflect about my mom."
"Oh," Bella said, becoming quiet. "Is she the first loss you've had?" she wondered. "I mean, other than your loser dad skipping out on you, and all."
"Uh… yeah. I guess so. It's all still very… surreal at the moment," he told her, suddenly having a hard time keeping his emotions contained.
To see Edward get choked up from talking about his recently departed mother, Bella experienced something she never really had before – empathy.
"Come on. I'll make sure you get back home safely," she offered as she began to lead them in the direction of the bus stop.
"I think I can manage," he told her, somehow smiling despite his sorrow.
"Of course you can manage; you're a grown ass adult. But I'm still going to go with you," she said unwaveringly.
In the depths of Edward's mind, he knew it was wrong to let Bella return to his apartment with him. What she didn't know would certainly make her loathe him. However, he found himself completely powerless against her. There was something about her; something he wasn't strong enough to pull away from. For the first time in a very long time, Edward felt like his future was a blank slate – as if he somehow knew that whatever would come next for him would be completely tied to that woman he barely knew. He was at her mercy, and all he could do was hold on tight and pray she was gentle with his heart. His very life depended on it…