Eddie wakes after an hour as the nurse has come back to check his vitals, she looks at him and then down to a sleeping Buck.
"He does really need to head back to his room, you need to recover, and I don't think him lying there will help you recover as well." The nurse whispers in a slightly stern tone.
"It's fine, just leave him here, he needs the sleep and if that means staying here then it's fine, when he wakes you can take him back, I promise." Eddie replies
"Well as he is asleep, and I know he hasn't had much. I will talk to my supervisor, but he will wake up and he will hurt as his pain medicine has been lowered and he hasn't had any in a while." She explains.
"Well, when he wakes, I'll press the button so you can come and help him." Eddie says as he smiles at her
"Ok, I'll hold you to that." she says as she takes her leave
As Eddie watches her leave, he feels the sleep catching up to him and he starts to nod off. As he does, he moves a hand onto Buck's hand and smiles as he drifts off. At the same time, Buck wakes and he can feel his body is aching a lot but he doesn't want let out a whimper as he knew that Eddie will wake back up, and he doesn't want that to happen because Eddie needed his sleep since the worry of the whole situation had caught up to him. He looks over at the corner of the room, trying to make out what exactly the time it is. He does not want move and wake Eddie. He worked out that it was only five-am. He looks down at his hand and sees Eddie's hand on top and smiles. as he does the door opens and a male nurse walks in.
"Ah your awake Mr. Buckley. Come on, it's time to get you back to your room, I bet you're hurting as you haven't had any pain medicine in ages." he says looking at Buck pointedly.
Buck doesn't answer just looks at him, he starts to move close and Buck moves quickly and sits up, his body letting him know it hates him for it but he was scared, Eddie wakes straight away as soon as he feels Buck move.
"Buck what's up?" Eddie asks struggling to sit up.
"They're here, they came for me, look there." Buck says tears in his eyes pointing at the nurse.
"I'm sorry, I should have turned on the light, I have come check Mr Diaz's vitals but the nurse I took over when her shift finished that Mr Buckley was also asleep in here and that if he was awake to get him back to his room and give him some pain medicine." The nurse explains
"LIAR, you work for him don't you" Buck shouts, still stuck in his panic.
The nurse takes a step back and looks at Eddie worriedly.
"Buck, look it's ok, he is a nurse he is here to look after you. They have gone, I promise." Eddie says taking hold of Bucks cheek and slowly turning his head towards him.
"But we thought the same about these police officers who ended up working for him, so how do we know he's got nurses to help him finish me off?" Buck says sobbing.
Eddie could not believe how panicked Buck was. He pulled him in and held him close to his chest, it pained him so much due to the injury, but he needed Buck to feel completely safe, he looked at the nurse and mouthed 'call his sister or someone from the 118' and the nurse nodded solemnly and quietly walked out.
"There he has gone; it is just us." Eddie says, and he feels Buck just pull him closer.
"I'm so broken, I don't even know where to start to fix me." Buck says, and Eddie tries not to let out a sob of his own.
"You're not alone, we will do it one piece at a time." Eddie says he lets out a whim he could not hold it any longer.
"Oh god I'm sorry, I forgot you're hurt. Oh, I am so stupid you were right I am selfish. I've ruined everything." Buck starts, but Eddie interrupts
"Shhhh its fine, and you are not selfish you are far from it. Remember we spoke about this I said things as I was angry over the lawsuit and we both agreed to leave it in the past, I should have said something, but I wanted you feel safe, but let me move a bit so I can get comfy." Eddie says and looks at Buck who nods.
Eddie shifts so he is sat up and not twisted up like a pretzel and takes hold of Buck's hand.
"I know we spoke but like I said, I had him in my ear saying things to make me think you were just saying you forgave me to play with my head." Buck says as he starts looking down.
Before Eddie says anything, the door opens and in comes Hen.
"I'm here, what happened?" She asks worriedly.
"That was quick. Okay, the male nurse came in to check my vitals, but Buck was awake, so he wanted take him back to him room and give him his pain medicine." Eddie starts
"He works for him, please don't let them take me again." Buck blurts out and puts his hands over his face and starts to cry.
Eddie puts an arm round him, he looks at Hen who looks shocked at the state Buck was and Eddie nods, encouraging Hen to explain.
"I was sitting with Chris, Chim was turning up to take over, when Maddie called him, she is on her way here, Buck. So, I told her that I would come up and stay with you until she got here. It did throw me when the nurse said Buck was in here, but I'm not surprised." She says looking at Eddie she turns to Buck "Hey Buck, how about I take you to your room and sit with you, you need your medication I'm guessing you are in pain." Hen says taking hold of Bucks hand.
"I don't want leave Eddie." Buck says in a soft tone looking at her.
"Hey, I'll be here, go back and have your medication and take a nap and come back before you leave." Eddie says holding Bucks other hand.
"You promise?" Buck says looking at Eddie.
"I promise that I will still be here. Now go." Eddie says and Buck nods
Hen helps Buck into the wheelchair and wheels him out, as she goes the nurse walks in and sees to Eddie, Hen pulls the wheelchair up next to the bed and helps Buck into it.
"I'll go get the nurse so you can have your medication okay?" She says looking at him
"Please don't, I don't know who is working for him." Buck says
Hen knows she cannot push him so comes up with an idea.
"Well you know I'm not one of his thugs, don't you?" She asks taking hold of his hand and he looks and nods.
"So, how about I go get the medication off the nurse and I give it you, would that be a better idea?" She asks and he just nods again
"Ok, I'll be right back" She says, and he watches as she walks out the room.
He watches the window; he can see Hen talking to the nurse and talking.
'She must think I'm exhausting and pathetic.'
As he watches the nurse disappear and return handing over something to Hen who then walks back into the room and smiles at him.
"Here you are." she passes the little cup which had the pills and a glass of water, Buck takes them and passes the glass and cup back to Hen.
"How about you lay down and get some sleep?" She says.
Buck does not answer he just slowly lowers into bed and rolls over and pretends to sleep, he hears Hen just take a seat and then silence takes over the room, eventually he hears taps of a phone screen.
'must be telling them all how weak I am, having a right laugh at stupid Buck'
He fights the sleep trying to take him, he knows if he goes to sleep he will have a nightmare, he wished he was back with Eddie he seemed to sleep so much better there, with him. He knew he couldn't, it wasn't fair on Eddie and he knew everyone would say he is been selfish not letting Eddie recover, he continues to fight his sleep and after a while he hears the door open and Hen make a shh sound.
"How is he?" Maddie whispers.
"He didn't want to talk, I had given him his pills he wouldn't let the nurse in he took his pills and rolled over, I'm sure it must be uncomfortable, but I didn't want push him, he completely shut down when we got back from Eddie's room." Hen replies
"What you mean Eddies room? I left him here." Maddie whispers frantically.
"Well ,after you said to Chim you were on way I came up and he wasn't in here, I asked the nurse and they explained he was in bed with Eddie and that he had been for a few hours, something happened and that's why you got called." Hen explains
Buck lays there listening to what they say, holding his eyes shut and trying not cry
"Can you stay with him for a tiny bit more I'm just going to nip out I'll be about ten minutes." Maddie says
Hen must have answered but nodded and not spoke, he heard the door open and close and the sound of Hen sitting back down.
Maddie started walking from Buck's room to Eddie's as she got close, she saw a nurse leaving his room and guessed he might be awake, so heads in without the nurse seeing her.
"Maddie, why are you in here? You should be with Buck, is he okay?" Eddie says worried and trying to sit up.
"Don't sit up, I'm only here for a quick minute. I just need know why Buck was here and not in his room and what exactly happened." She said looking at him.
"Did he not explain?" Eddie asked confused.
"No, he seems fine when he is around you or Chris but the second, we get him back to his room he shuts down and won't talk, please just explain to me what happened." Maddie says
"I didn't know he was that bad, he is pushing it down how did I not notice." Eddie starts and feels tears forming "he said he is broken and he doesn't know where to start to fix himself, I explained we will help, he said he knew he needed sort himself out I even asked if he was saying it because he knew that's what I wanted to hear and he said it's what he wants, how could I have been stupid." Eddie says, not realising tears had started rolling down his face.
"It's not your fault, he's has had to lie to protect himself, when I spoke to the doctor, they said the same thing about him just pushing it down and not wanting talk about it. Bobby and I agree that he is using you and Chris as a tether he knows your hurt and wants look after you as it takes his mind away from what has happened." Maddie explains
"That would explain why he slept for a good few hours and didn't move, but he freaked when the nurse came in thinking they worked for Chase like the cops did, I had get him leave and call you and then Hen turned up." Eddie explains
"Oh right, well Hen said she had given him his pills I understand he is worried, but he should know that he is safe now." Maddie says as she starts to cry.
"Come here. Eddie says, stretching out his arms.
Maddie walks over and he sits up and pulls her in to a hug.
"It will be okay; we just need be there. When is he due to speak to someone about what happened?" Eddie asks
"Well I was hoping in a day or two after I got him settled but now, I'm thinking maybe he needs to chat to someone today before we leave. At least when he is here, I can bring him to you, and he settles down. I don't know what will happen if I get him back to my place." Maddie says as she sobs into his shoulder.
"Talk to the doctor and see if they can get him to speak to someone before he leaves, and I'll get someone bring my phone in and when he is at yours and he's struggling, get him to call me or you could call me and I'll talk to him and hopefully that will work, but I'm sorry but I don't have the answers why he's like this." Eddie says
"I know and I don't expect you to, you need to recover too. You have already done enough by saving him. I need to step up and be the big sister he needs." She says as they break the hug.
"You are already there for him. You just have to be patient." Eddie says.
"Well I better head back; Hen will want be heading back to Chim to sort out what to do next and I'll sit with him till he wakes up." Maddie says and smiles as she leaves.
Buck lays there still fighting the sleep wondering what was going on, he hears footsteps coming down the hall he closes his eyes and hears Hen move and head out the door he can hear muffled talking but cant make out what there saying, he can see daylight is starting to appear and as he can feel he is loosing the fight to the sleep and finally succumbs and falls asleep.
As he sleeps, he starts to dream and the memories of what has happened start to haunt him.
Aaron looks at Buck and grins "Oh, don't worry we won't be disturbed. Chase is outside so this time there be no escape, just you and me now." Aaron says as he strokes Bucks face and puts a hand over Bucks mouth then slaps him across the already swollen side so that Bucks screams are muffled, he looks down and sees Buck connected to the IV feed and smiles Aaron positions himself so he has a knee on Bucks arm and keeps his hand on Bucks mouth and then roughly pulls out the needle from Bucks hand which was feeding the IV in to, Buck feels the blood run between this fingers as he screams but there muffled no one is going to hear him.
Aaron starts scraping the needle up Bucks arm making sure he presses it in to puncture the skin leaving a trial of cuts that start to bleed, Aaron starts to laugh as Buck just has tears coming down, and he says "I'm always going be with you."
Buck sits up sweat dripping down his face and Maddie instantly jumps out the seat .
"What is it?" She asks
Buck does not answer he just looks down at his arms, there no new cuts he lets out a sign and looks at Maddie.
"It was just a dream." he says and lays back down
"Buck, you need talk about it, you can't bury it down. You do know that don't you?" She asks
He doesn't answer he just turns his head and blanks her, eventually he hears her sit back down, he looks towards the window the hospital is busier now, people walking past he then see's the door open and his doctor walk in, he sits up and smiles at her.
"Hi Mr Buckley, first off I wasn't impressed that you sneaked out, but I understand you got some sleep which is good, how is the pain?" The doctor asks
"It's okay, it's just dull aches but nothing I can't handle, sorry about last night I just knew I could sleep better there." Buck responds.
"Well I'm happy you're not in too much pain, so I am willing to let you go home but after you have spoken to the therapist." The doctor explains.
"What why, you never said anything about that yesterday." Buck says shocked
"Buck, I think it will be good to speak to them" Maddie says standing up .
"You will have to speak to them soon Mr Buckley, this way they have somewhere to start, I promise it won't be a long session just a few questions." The doctor says
"Liar." Buck says.
"Buck!" Maddie says shocked "I'm sorry Doctor." She says looking at the doctor
"Its fine, I understand with everything you have been through, so how about you get dressed ready to go, we will get all the pain medication you need, then you can go to the therapist and once you're done in there your free to go how about that?" The doctor says looking at Buck
Buck sits there for a minute thinking it over; he looks at Maddie and she smiles at him.
"Okay." Buck says carefully.
"Right, I'll go get the discharge forms all set up you get ready and I'll go see when one of the therapist are free to chat with you." The Doctor explains
Buck watches as the doctor leaves and he looks at Maddie, she stands and smiles at him.
"I'm proud of you little bro. Here I got some clothes for you, I'll go out and you can change." She says with a smile.
Buck nods, she turns and heads out and Buck starts to get dressed. Luckily, Maddie had brought his sweatpants that were baggy from when he had the ladder truck crushed his leg and it was during the cast time period. Once he was dressed, he sat on the bed and waited for Maddie to return as she did the doctor was with her and holding a pair of crutches.
"So, Mr Buckley, the therapist is ready I've explained to your sister where to go, and here you will need these to get around." The doctor explains as she passes the crutches over.
"Thank you, Doctor." Buck says as he hopes up using them.
"Come back down here when your done and we will give you your medication and you can go." The doctor says with a smile.
"Thank you, Doctor," Maddie says, and she holds the door open as Buck walks through.
They head to the lift and head to the therapist room, the whole way their Buck did not talk. He just followed Maddie on auto pilot he did not realise he was there till she stopped
"I'll be out here; remember they just want ask a few questions for when you come back to see them properly." Maddie says
"Okay, see you soon." Buck says
Maddie opens the door and Buck heads inside, as he enters the room, he hears the door close, he looks round the room there is a sofa and a chair where the therapist is sat and some plants.
"Hi, you must be Evan. I'm Doctor Rogers, I'm going ask some questions, why don't you please take a seat" She says.
Buck wanders over to the sofa and sits down, he continues to look round trying not look at the doctor.
"It's okay to be nervous, I know this can be a daunting thing, but there is no rush we will go at your own pace and will stop when you want, do you understand what I've said so far?" She asks
Buck finally looks at her and smiles and nods.
"Ok, so your doctor has given me a brief run down of what has happened, so my first question Evan is how are you feeling right now?" She asks
It takes a minute for the question to register with Buck.
"I feel I don't know how I feel if I'm honest." Buck manages to get out
"That's fine, we all deal with trauma differently its finding away that suits you to cope with it and help you through it." she explains "Why don't you go through what has happened, remember there's no rush" she says
Buck sits there looking at her then starts looking round the room his thoughts start playing up.
'She just wants laugh at how weak you are, if you don't give them something, they will keep you in, you need say something she is judging you.'
"What do you want me say? I'm broken I know that, I spent the last few weeks been beaten and told how useless I am, that no one wants me, that all I'm worth is been used, even when I do tell people all I get is used and tossed to the side." Buck takes a breath he can feel the tears falling "I know I brought it on myself as I was been selfish by going through with the lawsuit I drove everyone I cared for away which lead me to meeting someone who showed me some attention and because I was lonely I took what I could." Buck finishes
"Good, you're not broken though, you were beaten and abused not just physically but emotionally as well, your mind thinks what you have been told is true, but it isn't Evan far from it." She says firmly as she passes a tissue over to him.
"But if I just spoke up earlier about it, nothing bad would have happened and Eddie and Chris would be safe. it's my fault there both in here." Buck explains
"You don't know that, Evan. We can't predict what can and won't happen, we can only focus on what has happened, how did you sleep last night?" She asks
"I slept okay when I was-" Buck starts but stops "But when I went back to my room the nightmares started and it felt so real." He continues
"So where exactly did you sleep okay? I'm not hear to judge I'm here to help." She asks.
Buck took his time he did not know how to answer it, his thoughts creeped in
'If you tell her she will laugh at you.'
"Evan, what was exactly different to when you slept okay to when you had your nightmare?" she asks again in soft tone.
"Eddie." Is all Buck managed get out
"What about him?" She asks.
"When I'm with him, it's like everything disappears and when I'm taken away its like a wave of emotions hit me all at once and I just want be alone until I can go back to him, I fell asleep on him and for the first time I got a few hours sleep without a nightmare but then I woke and freaked out because the male nurse was in there." Buck says.
"Eddie is your safety net then, where you know you will be safe and he will look after you, is that because he saved you? Or is there more to him?" She asks.
"Yes." Buck answers he takes a deep breath "I am in love with him and I had to bury it deep down because if he found out he would hurt me more, it was bad enough if Eddie texted me or he saw him talking to me, I would be beat up. So I pushed my love so far down but now I don't know how to unbury it back up, he saved me and took a bullet to save me and all I can do is break down on him and not say how much I love him." Buck explains
"We can talk about that, but please explain what you mean when you said you freaked out when you saw the nurse?" she asks
"When I was last in here, I had two cops in asking questions but then found out they were there for Chase as they worked for him so I thought the nurse worked for him and he was there to get me, I know it sounds silly." Buck says as he wipes the tears away.
"Nothing you say is silly, anything you say helps us reach the best way for you to deal with your trauma." She explains.
"All I want do, is get out of here heal and get back to work and tell-" Buck stops again his thoughts start playing on his mind
'remember they only pretend to want you to get help, they will just use you and toss you to the side.'
"Go on Evan, tell what?" she enquires softly.
"Tell Eddie that I love him, but then my thoughts start telling me that no one wants me and I can't make them be silent." Buck says
"Like I said, you have had it driven in to you through your abuse that it will take time for your thoughts to stop been like that but I have to tell you, they will never go away you have to be prepared something could trigger them and you need be ready for that, we can focus on that in our proper session I think we have covered enough don't you?" She says with a smile to him.
"Yes, thank you." Buck says.
"It is okay to be sad, just lean on your friends and family they are here to support you, I will arrange an appointment for your next session and be in contact with you, and here this is my number if you need to talk in between." She says as she hands him a card.
He smiles and gets up picking the crutches as he did, she opens the door and Maddie stands up from where she was sitting and walks over to him and gives him a hug.
"See you soon, Evan." The therapist says.
"Okay, thank you again." Buck says.
"Come on, let's go get your pills and go." Maddie says.
"Can I see Chris and Eddie before I go please?" He asks
"Of course, you can. Come on let's go." She says
They head towards the lift and go to Chris's level as they walk to the door Buck looks through the window and see's Bobby in there with Chris and he is reading him a book, they make there way through the door.
"BUCKY!" Chris shouts.
"Hey buddy." Buck says.
Bobby stands up and offers the chair to Buck and as Buck walks towards it he stops and hugs Bobby tight.
"You have crutches now?" Chris asks
"Yeah just till my ankle is better. How are you today?" Buck asks.
"I'm fine. I'll be going home soon, but Dad's got to stay a bit longer." Chris says pulling a sad face.
"I know buddy. It sucks but remember that you have people looking after you like I do too, so soon we will be all healed and able spend time together." Buck explains.
"I know. It's just going to suck." Chris says with a laugh.
"It does, tell you what. How about I read you a story before I go?" Buck says
"You're going home today?" Chris asks
"I am, but you can call me whenever." Buck says with a smile.
"Okay, lets read this one." Chris says showing Buck a book.
He spends the next fifteen minutes reading to Chris. Once he is done, he gets up and gives him a big hug.
"I'll see you soon buddy. I promise." Buck says
"Okay Bucky." Chris says with a smile.
"See ya later." Buck says as he starts heading out
"I'll pop round soon, Buck." Bobby says as he stood up.
"Thank you." Buck replies and gives Bobby another hug.
"You ready for the next stop?" Maddie asks.
"Yeah." Buck replies
They head out and down to the lift again, Buck kept quiet as he focused on moving with the crutches soon enough, they were in the lift and heading down the hall towards Eddie's room when they got there Buck looked through and saw Chim in there talking to Eddie, Buck smiled as he entered the room.
"Oh, look who it is." Chim teased with a grin.
"Nice to see you too, Chim." Buck says as he gives him a hug.
"Come on Howie, lets give them so space. Buck I'll go get your pills." Maddie says.
He watches as they leave the room and the door closes, he turns to Eddie and smiles as he sits on the bed.
"So, you are breaking out today then?" Eddie asks, with a teasing grin.
"Yeah, I wanted stay, but they said I had to go home with the warden." Buck grins
"Its nice to see you happy, did you speak to the therapist?" Eddie asked seriously.
Buck stayed quiet a minute and then felt a hand on his he looked down and smiled.
"Yeah, she asked some questions I answered and I'm going to arrange my next one." Buck explains then starts to tear up.
"Good to hear, what's up don't be sad." Eddie says slowly moving to sit up better.
"It's just-" Buck stutters, but he takes a deep breath in and out "I'm scared." He says trying not look at Eddie.
"What has you scared?" Eddie questions.
"I don't want be out there alone." Buck says
"You won't be alone, you have Maddie and from Chim has said, you're having your own personal guard 24/7." Eddie says
"But none are you, I mean I slept so well with you and then when I was in my own room I had a nightmare, the therapist explained I see you as a safety net and that's why I feel safe round you." Buck explains looking at Eddie.
Eddie holds his arms up and signals Buck in for a hug, he leans forward and lets Eddie wrap his arms round him as he wraps his round Eddie.
"If you struggle to sleep or your having a bad time call me, I have my phone now so I'm on the other end whenever." Eddie explains.
"I know but I need be strong and sort myself out I can't always rely on you." Buck says seriously.
"I understand that, but don't think you can't call because you want to try and power through it by yourself, you need to remember its okay to ask for help and no one, and I mean no one will judge you for asking for it either." Eddie explains as he rubs his hand up and down Bucks back gently.
"Thank you for being there, I promise I will call when I need or want to." Buck responds.
Then Eddie catches sight of Maddie in the doorway.
"Right, it looks like the warden is waiting for you to go, I'll let you leave, and I'll talk to you soon." Eddie says and with that he gives Buck a kiss on the cheek.
"I'll message you later." Buck replies as he gets up and Eddie lays back down.
As he stands up, he turns and smiles at Eddie and then he bends down and kisses him on the forehead. He follows Maddie who has his pills and they start to head out as he gets to the entrance he stops.
"Want to do it together?" She asks.
"Please." Buck responds, nodding.
She takes hold of his hand and they walk out and to her car, he gets in as she places his bag in the boot and they drive to hers. Once they arrive at her place, she has him all set up in the guest bedroom, he heads in to the living room where Maddie is and sits next to her she flicks on the tv and they settle down to watch tv. He switches his phone on he has not seen it since the docks. As it turns on his face drops his background had changed and it showed Aaron just staring at him with a caption under saying 'I'm always going be with you'. With that image burning into his eyes, Buck lets out a massive sob and Maddie looks and sees what's on his phone just as he chucks his phone across the room and it lands on the other side after hitting the wall, Maddie jumps up and holds him close.
"It will be alright Buck. I am sorry I should have checked your phone. it's going be okay." She says as he sobs his heart out on her shoulder.