Buck spends Sunday and most of the day Monday just going through the motions, he was getting frustrated that he could not seem to get a break away from people. It only when he was in bed or the bathroom, other than that people were always around him. It was Monday night and he and Maddie were sitting in the living room, Chimney had not long gone but left them with snacks.
"Do you want any of the chips?" Maddie asks.
"I'm okay." Buck responds.
"Well, what have you eaten today? I know it's not much." Maddie says.
"I'm not hungry." Buck says.
"Buck, you need to talk to me. I can help you, you know." Maddie says.
"I know." He replies.
"Who is going with you tomorrow?" Maddie asks.
"No one, I can do it on my own you know." Buck says turning around on the sofa to avoid the look his sister is most likely giving him.
"Evan, they want you take someone in with you, so you will have to." Maddie says
"I don't want to Maddie; I'm fine going do it on my own." Buck responds
"You didn't even do the full session last time, look I know you want to show people you can do this on your own but we don't want you to, so please for me say you will take someone." Maddie begs.
"Maybe, can I get some rest now." Buck says as he pulls a blanket up.
"You want to sleep on the sofa?" She asks.
"Yeah just for a bit. I'll move to my bed later." Buck replies.
He does not hear Maddie's response drowns her out as he can't be bothered listen, he just closes his eyes and nods off, as he sleeps he starts to dream.
'Buck stands mainly because he's tired but doesn't make a sound and then a few more hits he sees Aaron walk over smiling, holding a rod in one hand which is glowing and he can see letters AJ and in the other hand a blow torch which he uses to heat up the metal more.
"You will never forget me after this, I'll always be a part of you always." Aaron says as he kisses Buck on the cheek.
Buck starts to move but can't move much Chase smacks Buck again, Chase grabs Bucks phone and starts recording as Aaron places the stamp on his skin, a blood curdling scream is let out of Bucks mouth and tears role down his cheeks and passes out from the pain, and Aaron pulls it away and laughs.'
Buck wakes with a jolt, sweat coating his face and he reaches for his leg where the bandage that covers the mark he can feel the dull ache coming from it, the memories reminding him what had happened, he looked round there was just a lamp on and he looked at his phone, smiled at the lock screen and saw it was realised he must have nodded off. He looked over to the other seat and did not see Maddie, she must have gone to bed. He rolls over and sits up, he slowly lifts himself up grabbing his crutch and heads over to the kitchen, he looks through the cupboard looking for some pain killers he finds them and takes two with a glass of water and heads back to the sofa taking the pills with him so he had them just in case, he puts the TV on and puts a random film on and starts to watch his eyes drooping but he wills his mind to stay awake as he watches the film and it comes to the end he can feel the pain in his leg so he takes another two he knows he shouldn't, but the pain was really getting to him, after he takes them he picks another film to watch and starts watching.
"Hey babe, what are you watching?" A man's voice comes from behind.
Buck jumps and turns his head round and see's someone he did not expect
"What, what are you doing here your dead?" Buck asks
"No, I'm right here see feel." Aaron says as he takes hold of Bucks hand.
"It's not real your dead I saw your body" Buck says as he snatches his hand back and tried to get up.
"Sit back down" Aaron says pushing Buck in his chest.
Buck looks up and is frozen it cannot be real but at the same time he felt the hands push on his chest, he tries to get up again and he feels a tug on his arm.
"You are going nowhere babe; remember I'm going be with you forever." Aaron says smirking at Buck.
Buck throws his hands out breaking the hold and falls to the floor he starts crawling across the living room floor dragging his leg in the cast the best he can he looks behind to see Aaron was walking behind him, Buck sees a vase on the side table and grabs it chucking it at Aaron, he misses and the vase falls somewhere behind, Aaron then presses his foot on Bucks cast and Buck cant move, Aaron bends down grabbing Bucks arms pinning them to the floor as he kisses Bucks cheek.
"I told you, I will always be with you, no matter where you go ill be right here." Aaron says as he places a kiss on his lips.
"You're not real, you are dead it's my mind playing tricks." Buck repeats.
"Really if I'm just a trick you won't mind when I do this" Aaron says
He leans back and grabs a shard of glass from the broken vase, he mauves himself above Buck so that he is straddles over Bucks torso a knee holding one arm as he uses the free hand to hold down Bucks left arm, he leans down kissing Bucks cheek and he starts to run the shard down the arm making sure it punctures the skin
"Please stop, PLEASE." Buck shouts.
"EVAN, oh my god what are you doing." Maddie screams.
Buck looks over to her and then down to his body there is no sign of Aaron, his right hand has hold of the shard and his left arm is bleeding from where he is cut, he chucks the shard across the room and breaks down, tears falling as Maddie wraps a towel from the kitchen round his arm.
"What happened?" She asked
"He was here Maddie, Aaron was here he and me pinned and then he wouldn't let me go" Buck sobs and takes a breath "He said he was always going be with me, it felt so real. But I did this I'm going crazy aren't I." Buck says
"No, you just had a bad dream, I'm not trained in this, Buck so I don't know what say." Maddie says.
"I know, I just want it stop, I just want move on, I wish I wish…" Buck starts but can't finish the sentence.
"You wish what?" Maddie asks.
"That they killed me at least then I wouldn't be living like this a broken mess." Buck blurts out.
He turns from Maddie, but she will not let go of him and holds him tighter, he just falls into her embrace, after ten minutes she starts to move a bit.
"Come on let's get this looked at and see if we need go to hospital. Then we will have a coffee and talk." Maddie says
Buck nods and gets up with the help of Maddie they walk to the kitchen and she gets the first aid kit, she cleans it up and looks at it.
"You're lucky it didn't go deep. It just needs a bandage on it, but we will keep an eye on it." She says.
Buck doesn't reply he just watches as his sister clean the wound more and applies the bandage on to it, once done he watches her clean herself from his blood and make a coffee and pass it to him as she heads in to the living room armed with a dust pan and brush and cleans up the mess.
"I'm sorry." Buck whispers out.
"Buck its fine I never liked it anyway." She says smiling
"But didn't Chimney get you it?" He asks.
"Yeah, but I didn't have the heart to say to him how ugly it was. If he asks, I'll just say you had a bad dream and knocked it over. He will understand." She says as she finishes up picking the pieces.
"You can't use me as your excuse to get rid of the vase you could have easily told him the truth." Buck responds, with a faint smile.
Maddie just looks at him and they both chuckle, Buck continues to watch as she surveys the flor making sure there are no more shards laying round, once done she empty's the dust pan in to the bin and sits next to Buck on the stool.
"How are you feeling?" She asks
"Silly. I'm sorry I went crazy." Buck says looking down
"Don't be, look Evan I can relate to some of what happened as I lived it with Doug, and you know what got me through it?" She says looking at Buck "You, you showed me that there was a new life for me all I had to do was take a leap and move on from the horror that is my past. Therapy helped me so much and I know it can be scary at first, but it does get easier and you have the support of everyone." She says smiling.
"I know and I can't thank you enough, I guess it's just a time thing isn't it?" Buck says.
"It is fine, look its 6am and your appointment is at 9am so what do you fancy doing as I'm guessing sleep is off the table." Maddie asks
"Can we go out? I know you have to be at work at 8am, who is even taking me to the therapy?" Buck asks he did not know the last few days were a blur.
"Bobby is taking you; he has offered to sit in with you if you want." Maddie explains.
"But isn't he working the night shift till 8 am, he will be tired." Buck says.
"He is and he doesn't mind." Maddie explains.
"How about you drop me off at the station I can sit with them until he finishes at 8am then we can head straight over that way you don't have worry about me." Buck says.
"Ok, I'll message them and say we are coming but you really do need someone in there with you." Maddie explains.
"I don't know who to ask, I understand everyone would but it's hard you know, means I have open up about everything that happened and process it but I'll feel like I'm been judged if someone was there. I wish Eddie was better, and I know that sounds so selfish, but I know I would be at ease if he was." Buck says
"I know, but he needs be in the hospital where he can get the right treatment for his injuries, speak to Bobby when we get there and see what he suggests." Maddie says
"Ok then, I'll quickly get changed." Buck says.
He gets off the stool and Maddie hands him his crutches he heads down to his room and listens to Maddie stomp up the stairs once he is in the room he starts to get changed and notices the gauze on his chest he goes to press it but stops. Instead, he picks up a shirt and pulls it on, followed by a baggy pair of shorts. He heads out and down to the living room where Maddie was already sitting in her work uniform, with one trainer in her hand and holds it out to Buck, he sits and takes the trainer and slips it on.
"I messaged Bobby they are in the fire house, they have had a quiet night, I mentioned your cut, don't worry I didn't explain the ins and outs I just said you had a bad dream and knocked the vase over, Hen says she will give it a good look at when you get there." Maddie smiles.
"Thank you." He replies.
They get up and slowly head out to Maddie's car, once they were in the car, the drive to the firehouse was done in silence and when they pull up, Buck starts to panic it's been a long time since he was here and the last time he was, he wasn't on best of terms with everyone just kept it all formal. He is broken out his trance by a knock on the window and there stood Hen. She opened the door and he climbed out falling in to a hug from her, he didn't embrace straight away but eventually did, Maddie came round with his crutches and they headed in, and they helped him up the stairs, as he got to the top he could smell food and knew Bobby was cooking as he reached the top he saw Bobby smiling at him, Chimney on the side helping and a few others who must be covering him and Eddie.
"Glad you could come; I'm making omelettes for us all." Bobby says as he quickly walks over and holds his arms open and waits for Buck to accept the hug.
Buck nods and Bobby pulls him in close, they break the hug and walk to the table where Bobby sits Buck in a chair next to where he knew Booby would be sitting, Hen sat next to him and Maddie and Chimney sat opposite the rest of the team joined them as Bobby came back with plates full of food, Buck looked at the food and knew he missed this so much and grabbed food and started eating he listened to the team go through the calls of the night and nodded along as he ate and caught Maddie watching him and gave him a smile as he continued to eat, once he was done he tried get up.
"What are you doing?" Hen asked placing a hand on his arm.
"Going to do the dishes" Buck replies.
"Nah, its Chim's job you sit and relax." Hen says
"So is Maddie starving you?" Bobby asks with a smile.
"No, why?" Buck asks confused.
"Well, you just put away like four omelettes and your normally done after just two." Bobby says smiling.
"I think he prefers your cooking Bobby; I may need you to cook extras so I can collect." Maddie jokes.
"Her cooking is okay, but nothing like yours Bobby's and I missed your food and been-" Buck starts but stops.
"Its fine, kid we understand," Bobby says as he pats Bucks arm,
He watches as Chimney collects the dishes and Maddie helps make some coffee and wonders who she is texting as everyone is sitting with them, but he figures it could be Josh as she is due into work soon. They sit back down with their coffees and they start talking about the fire from the factory the other day and eventually it is time for Maddie to head to work.
"If you need me, call me okay?" Maddie says.
"I'll be with Bobby I'll be safe" Buck says
"I know, just try today and I'll be proud with whatever happens, okay?" She says
Buck nods and hugs her, he stands up and watches her leave and she does, he heads back in and sits in the locker room as he doesn't feel like the climb up the stairs he can hear Bobby talking to someone in the changing section and Buck just relaxes and looks at his phone and just stares at the lock screen and smiles.
"So, you ready?" Bobby asks.
"Yeah, it's going be a long day." Buck sighs
"But hopefully worth it." Bobby states, "Can you hang on? Here, I just need talk to the shift changeover and explain some things." Bobby says.
"Yeah that's fine." Buck says and looks at his phone it was now eight-fifteen. They really need go as the therapist was a good forty minutes' drive, as it got to eight-twenty Buck got up and headed out to find Bobby he saw him talking to someone so continued to Bobby's car hoping it would make him move, it eventually did and they got in to the truck and Buck looked at the time it way eight-twenty-five am he knew they be late as traffic at this time was always bad.
"Don't worry, I already explained we would be ten minutes late so don't worry." Bobby explains as they pull off.
"What, how?" Buck asks confused
"I messaged Maddie explained I was running late, and she replied stating she had contacted them and explained you be late." Bobby starts "Plus I know how you get, I know today was going be hard so wanted take the worry away, so sit back listen to music and we will get there." Bobby finishes.
"Thank you, Bobby." Buck replies.
The drive there was long, and they managed to miss the traffic, Buck listened to the music and it helped, keep him focused on his surroundings and nothing else. They finally arrived at the therapists building at nine-ten am Buck knew they were late but with Bobby explaining they knew he did not feel worry, he climbed out the car and headed in.
"I have an appointment, it was meant be nine am, but we ran late, I'm Evan Buckley." Buck explains
"It is ok, we were told just take a seat and your therapist will be out in a minute, you have a new one as the one you had previously seen is off sick and will be for a while your new one is called Alice." The receptionist explains
Buck nods and starts to move when the door opens.
"Mr Buckley?" Alice calls out.
"Yeah, that's me." Buck says turning around.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Alice." She says and shakes Bucks hand.
"Nice to meet you." He replies.
"I'm Bobby, his firehouse captain and friend." Bobby says.
"Oh, the person you wanted to sit with you is already in there we were just having a chat." Alice said, and Buck was confused.
"I didn't arrange anyone, I wanted do it on my own" Buck explained
"Well let's go in and if you don't want them there, we can ask them to leave okay?" She says
Buck nods and follows her in, he turns to Bobby who just shrugs. as he enters the room, he keeps his eyes down he did not want to look up.
"Buck, can you look up please?" Alice says.
Buck looks up and when he sees who is in front of him, his heart stops.
"Eddie." Buck mange's to get out.
"Yup, Maddie explained you didn't want anyone, but I guessed you won't mind me." Eddie says smiling.
Buck walks over to him and wraps his arms around Eddie and feels Eddie wrap his around him and he holds on tighter and let's go when Eddie lets a hiss.
"I'm still a bit tender, but I got discharged today, I wanted to be here for you." Eddie says as he points to his seat.
"Yes, Eddie explained some bits to me. This session is to help you Evan and we will go at any speed you want and discuss things you ready to talk about, no one here is to judge do you understand?" Alice says.
Buck has not paid any attention to her he is fixed upon Eddie, staring at him, who smiles and turns his head towards Alice to hint to answer.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, just in shock." Buck says smiling.
"I understand, Eddie is here to listen and offer support, he won't talk unless needed. It's not all on you, okay?" Alice ask
"Yeah, I understand." Buck replies.
"How are you feeling?" She asks.
"I feel great right now, but the last few days have been tough, I had an episode last night where I thought Aaron was here and it all felt real, his lips on my cheeks, his weight on my torso him pinning my arms down it all felt real." Buck starts and has stop as tears start to fall.
Alice hands him a tissue and Eddie grabs hold of his hand acting like an anchor.
"In this episode, what did Aaron say?" She asks.
"He was saying he would be always with me, before that I had a nightmare where I relived something from the docks." Buck starts and his hand squeezes Eddies hand.
"Ok, would you like to explain what it was?" she asks.
After five minutes of Buck been quiet, neither Alice or Eddie pushing Buck to answer they were letting him go at his own pace, Buck kept looking down at the hand that had hold of his and he eventually smiled and looked up at Alice.
"It was when he had an iron rod with his initials and he basically branded me like a cow." Buck says pointing to his leg to where the burn was "His words as he did it were I'll always be with you now and kissed my cheek." Buck says trying hold back the sob.
He feels his hand get a gentle squeeze and he glances at Eddie who is smiling at him.
"In the episode, did you do anything?" She asks.
Buck looked down, he knew the answer and she to obviously knew it too but he didn't want to admit it.
'They will both think you are going crazy and need be locked up.'
As he starts thinking these things, he feels another squeeze and a thumb rubbing over his hand.
"It's okay, Buck." Eddie says seemingly knowing Buck is lost in his own thoughts.
"I-" Buck starts "I cut myself." He says and tears start to fall "I thought it was Aaron doing it and when Maddie snapped me out I was holding the shard that had cut me." Buck bent his head down and started sobbing he felt the embrace of Eddie straight away and he rubbed his back letting Bucks tear fall on his shirt.
"When people have these episodes, the mind plays a trick on you and you think it is someone or something else whilst you do this, if you feel like it's happening you need to talk to someone to distract you, as we progress in further sessions we will hopefully heal some of the trauma and it will become easier." Alice explains.
Buck just holds tighter to Eddie.
"I can see you feel safer when you're with Eddie, what is it that makes you feel safe around Eddie?" She asks.
Again a few minutes go by and then eventually he raises his head from Eddie's neck and wipes his tears away.
"He is always there, I know I messed up with the lawsuit but he has always had my back and these last few weeks when I was recovering before the whole docks thing Eddie was there through the breakdowns and meltdowns, he knows I care for him but he has said he will wait, I know he would never hurt me but will protect me." Buck rambles "Sorry, if it didn't make sense." he finishes.
"No, that's fine, let's go through some more things we have twenty minutes left." She says.
Over the next twenty minutes Alice spends the time going through what they will go through the next session and its agreed that Eddie will attend to help Buck, they head out and Bobby smiles as he sees Eddie wander out Buck linked to him.
"I should have guessed it be you." Bobby joked.
"Yeah, I couldn't let him do it alone, knowing he needed someone." Eddie smiled.
"Right, I'm under orders to take you to mine and feed you and relax." Bobby says
"Okay." Buck replies.
"You too, Eddie, I'll take you home later when Christopher is back from school for now, both of you are coming with me." Bobby says
"Oh, I was hoping get a rest and relax before I surprise him" Eddie says
Buck looks at Bobby and realises why he's saying to come to Bobby's with Buck.
"Eddie come with him, I'll come with you when you go home see Chris and we can have a movie night maybe?" Buck says sheepishly.
"You know what, yes that sounds just right." Eddie smiles.
"Right, let's head back to mine." Bobby says.
They all head to Bobby's car and climb in and head off to Bobby's. Buck sits in the back and listens to Eddie and Bobby chat away, he messages Maddie.
Buck: 'thanks for getting Eddie to come, it helped loads. We are going Bobby's and will be there till Christopher finishes then go surprise him and then having a movie night hope that's okay.'
After five minutes he got a reply.
Maddie: 'It's fine I knew he would help and that's fine. Just let me know when you want a lift home.'
For the rest of the journey he just listened to the two men in front chat away about anything, as they pull into the drive he sees Athena's car parked and smiles. They all climb out and Bobby heads in whilst Buck and Eddie slowly wander through taking their time.
"Hey boys." Athena greets them both with a hug each.
"Hi." Eddie says.
"Hey." Buck says.
"Well, come on settle down. I was doing some stew for dinner, so I hope your both hungry." Athena says.
"Yeah, I need wash out the taste of hospital food." Eddie chuckles.
Buck sits at one side of the sofa and expects Eddie to sit the other side and is taken by surprise when he sits next to him.
"If you want to nap rest your head on me and I'll be here if you have a bad dream okay?" Eddie whispers.
Buck looks at Eddie and smiles as he shifts so his head rests on his shoulder and he feels himself nod off, knowing for once he is perfectly safe.
He woke and he felt the warmness of Eddie straight away and when he lifted his head he saw Eddie who had his head lent back on the sofa and asleep himself, he smiled up and slowly moved to try get up without waking Eddie but this didn't work as the second Buck moved Eddie's eyes opened wide looking at Buck.
"Is everything ok?" Eddie asks.
"Yeah, I was going get up and let you rest a bit more, sorry I woke you." Buc replies.
"Don't be its fine, I suppose we better eat." Eddie says
"Ah, your both awake" Athena says walking past.
"Yeah, sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep." Buck says
"Me too." Eddie adds
"It's fine, the good thing with a stew is it can stay in the pot, we thought it was best to let you both rest and you looked so peaceful." She replied.
"Thank you, how long were we out?" Eddie quizzes.
"About an hour, so don't worry. I'll get the bowls ready. Just come through when you're ready to eat and then Bobby will drop you off at Eddie's, Sophia left your Abuela's a while ago and Maddie will pick you up from Eddie's Buck, to give you some time with Christopher." Athena explains.
"Okay, thank you." Eddie says.
"Cool." Buck says smiling at her.
They slowly move, helping each other through to the dining table where they see the bowls of food and they smile, they sat down and started to eat, enjoying the food. Once they were finished, they start getting ready to head off and they all head to the car.
"You are coming too, Athena?" Eddie asks.
"Yeah, we're calling into the shop on the way back." She explains.
They climb in and Buck relaxes into the back seat, his head on the window as he watches the world pass by and he feels something on his hand and he looks down and see's Eddies hand on his. He looks up at Eddie and smiles and they stay like that all the way. as they get close to Eddie's, Buck starts to smile more.
"Athena, do you have it?" Buck asks.
"I do indeed." Athena says and passes Buck the item.
"What is that?" Eddie questions curiously.
"Do you trust me?" Buck questions and watches as Eddie scrunches his face in a thoughtful expression until it cleared.
"Always." He replies seriously.
"Put this on, I have a surprise for you." Buck says.
"Do I have to?" Eddie questions, smiling.
"Boy, just do it." Athena says.
Eddie slides the blindfold on, and Buck starts laughing, as the car pulls up Buck climbs out and sees Christopher and Sophia along with Abuela. He waves over to them and walks round to the side where Eddie's door is and opens it. He takes hold of his hand and helps him out, once out, he hobbles along as Eddie slowly walks and when they are standing on the front lawn, he signals to Sophia who has her phone out.
"Okay, before you take off the blindfold you got to promise you won't get mad." Buck says.
"Buck, I can never be mad at you." Eddie says, then continued to question "Can I take it off yet?"
"Okay, you can." Buck says.
He watches as Eddie pulled off the blindfold and can see the second the shock hits him of his house covered in Christmas decorations, Eddie starts smiling and turns to Buck.
"You did this?" he asks.
"Well, I didn't, Christopher and I roped everyone in, we decided the house needed be extra Christmassy this year with everything that happened and I know you like simple but once we started, well we couldn't stop." Buck chuckles.
They slowly walk up, and Christopher hugs his Dad gently, they open the door and Eddie's jaw falls and everyone else stars giggling as Buck watches as Eddie slowly checks the whole house shaking his head as he finishes the tour.
"I can't believe how much there is, you're all helping take it down." Eddie says.
"Not till after Christmas though." Christopher says.
"Yeah, after Christmas." Eddie replies as he hugs him.
They spend twenty minutes talking. after that, Athena and Bobby leave and Buck is sitting on the sofa, Christopher next to him and Eddie sitting near them both, while Sophia was in the kitchen.
"So, the other day when I called and you were here, you were doing this; is that why you were in the garden?" Eddie asks, quickly putting the pieces together.
"I think we're busted Superman." Buck says and Christopher giggles.
"You didn't need do this though Buck, you had so much going on." Eddie says smiling at him.
"I know, but I wanted to do it plus when will I ever be able do this again?" Buck replies.
"Never." Eddie chuckles
"Right, Mister. Its bedtime say goodnight to your Dad and Buck." Sophia says as she walks into the living room.
"Do I have to?" Christopher pouts.
"Yes, now go. We have plenty more of time together." Eddie says.
"Ok, night Buck. Night Dad." Christopher says as he hugs both before heading off to his bed.
"I guess I better make a move and get Maddie to come get me." Buck explains.
"You could do that, or you could stay if you want to." Eddie says looking sheepish.
"Well, no offence the sofa isn't the best when I'm not recovering, and your sister is in the guest room." Buck replies.
"So, stay in my bed. I mean not for anything adulty, I can just be there if you have a bad dream again." Eddie says rubbing his neck.
"Nothing adulty, Eddie. It's fine, I get what you mean, and I would love to stay but no funny business." Buck jokes.
"Okay, plus it will help me." Eddie admits and goes red.
"What do you mean by that? Come on, I know you struggle to express yourself, but you can't leave it at that." Buck questions.
"It's silly really. I just have been having nightmares where I couldn't save you, so having you stay means if I have one so I know when I wake up from it and that you're here and safe, it will make me feel better…see it's silly." Eddie explains.
"No, it isn't, but maybe you need see someone too, and talk about it. But I will stay tonight. I would stay more but Maddie would not be happy." Buck chuckles.
"I know and thank you." Eddie says.
Buck gets his phone out and texts Maddie saying he was staying the night and would be back tomorrow and not to worry he was safe. After that, he slowly stood up grabbing his crutches and starts walking past Eddie and rubs his hand on his shoulder.
"Shall we, then?" Buck asks.
Eddie nods and follows Buck to his bedroom. Once they're in they change in the bathroom and climb into bed. Eddie lays down, facing the wall and jumps when he feels a hand on his side.
"I'm right here, Eddie," Buck says,
"I'm here for you too Buck and thank you." Eddie says.
Buck smiles and slowly drifts off knowing if he has a bad dream, Eddie would be there to help him and he knew he was there to help Eddie if he had one too.