Thanks for reading and reviewing the last chapter! LOTS of reviews, I love it
I'm loving the new soft Merle. He still cusses like a sailor and rough around the edges but is ooey gooey in the center.
NorseGoddess23 don't worry. Merle and Sam time coming up! Thanks for your review! :)
I don't own the walking dead, its characters or storylines. OC and non canon storylines belong to me. bwahahahaha
ENJOY!
It was late in the evening when the scavenger group drove the beat up mini van to the front of the prison. As they pulled through the gates they all saw a panel had given way, the walkers weight finally collapsing the wire fencing. Rick and Carl were standing near the pile of dead breathing heavily, large rifles in their hands as they killed the leftovers. Merle jumped out quickly looking to Rick silently asking if he needed help but Rick waved him off.
"Go see what's goin' on. There was gunfire and Maggie had to force her way in. Go through the visitor window." Rick said stabbing a walker crawling out from under a downed corpse.
Merle ran into cellblock A and vaulted through the window, followed by Bob and Tyreese. Merle almost collided with Hershel who was coming down the stairs. He shoved the bag to Bob and growled, "Bes' not fuck this up." Bob nodded and hugged the bag to his chest.
"Where is she?!" Merle demanded loudly, his wild eyes finding Hershel's exhausted ones.
"Five cells down." Hershel replied while getting the equipment Bob needed to mix the drug to liquid form. Merle ran to the cell and saw her. Sam was leaning against the wall, her legs curled to the side awkwardly. Her pale skin a stark contrast to the dirty gray cement behind her. In her loosely curled palm a handgun. Sam's chin was dropped to her chest and coated with blood. A trail of spittle dripped down her chest.
Merle's breath hitched as he witnessed the stillness of her body. It looked as if she pulled the trigger with the blood dripping down her neck.
'Too fucking late!' he screamed inwardly. Merle yanked the cell door open with a deafening shriek. Falling to his knees in front of the thin cot Merle grabbed the gun but her hand yanked away.
"No gotta..." Sam mumbled through wheezing cough. Merle screwed up his eyes as if in pain and released a deep breath of relief. 'She ain't dead,' he thought, a weight lifting from his chest. His heart was slamming against his ribs and breath coming in pants.
Sam slurred, "Can't make Hershel…. gotta do it."
Merle cupped her face, "m'ere Sugar. Ya don' gotta do nothin'"
"Too late. He... He." She wheezed and coughed more blood up, the thick fluid dripping out of her nose. Sam's hand tried to wipe it away but her arm fell back to the bed limply.
"HERSHEL!" Merle screamed over his shoulder, the sight of her bleeding profusely was causing a surge of panic through his chest. Sam coughed violently, a painful sounding wretch that ended with blood splattering all over the bedspread.
"Fuck come on girl ya ain't dyin' on me Goddamnit!" He growled holding her up as she began sliding down the wall. Hershel came in with IV tubes and bag of cloudy fluid.
"Need her arm." Hershel said sitting on the bed next to her, laying his tools out on the thin sheet.
Merle helped hold her upright, her back against his chest. Merle held her arm as Hershel got the meds going. The older gentleman inserted the IV and got the bag hooked up, hanging it from the bars.
"Keep her upright. Keep her airway unobstructed." Hershel told him while his hands worked.
Sam was blacking in and out of consciousness, her head rolling heavily to the side. Merle cupped her cheek, holding her temple to his chest.
"Too late," Sam muttered her voice hoarse and slurred, "Gotta do it." Her eyes fluttering open as she reached for the gun, her hand shaking violently.
"No sugar. Ya don't. Gonna be fine. See we got ya the good stuff. " Merle told her, his voice cracking at the thought of Sam killing herself. She felt like hot coal against his chest. "She burnin' up doc." He told him gruffly, his hand wiping away sweat from her brow.
"The meds will help significantly. I'll get you some cool wet clothes. Might be best to strip her down." Hershel told him, "Gotta get her fever down."
Merle propped her against the wall and began stripping off her jeans and shirt. Leaving Sam in her underwear and a tank top. He removed his metal sleeve and held her to his chest again. Sam's skin was hot and clammy. Shivers ran through her body making her vibrate against him. Soon Sam's teeth chattered with the shudders raging though her.
"Got ya sugar," Merle rasped his chest clenching at the sight and feel of her. "Fuck. don' die on me Samantha. Ya ain't leavin' me."
Towels and a bowl of water were set on the bed next to him but Merle didn't look up. He could feel his eyes burning. If he looked up the tears he was straining to hold back would spill over. 'Stop it ya pussy bitch,' he hissed at himself.
Grabbing a cloth and dipping it in the bowl, Merle draped it flat on the back of her neck. The cool water dripping down her chest and back, soaking his shirt. The second towel he drenched and wiped her brow and face. The towel coming back pink from the blood. He rinsed it several times, wringing out the clots she bled.
"She ok?" A voice sounded from the door. Merle looked up and saw Daryl's concerned face, his hand gripping his crossbow as he chewed on his thumb. Their tense blue eyes connecting for a moment before Merle's cut away. He didn't need his brother seeing him so soft. It was bad enough to see him playing nurse maid. Despite all the changes that Merle had experienced he still had his alpha male pride to look after.
Merle swallowed thickly and nodded stiffly, "Gonna be. Doc's says anyways." By Daryl's uncomfortable and shifty eyes Merle knew he'd seen the tears. Daryl tipped his chin to the gun, "She kill those walkers?"
"No" Merle said hoarsely, his voice cracking under the strain of containing his emotions. He closed his eyes as if not seeing would make it all go away and explained, "She was preparing' for 'herself. Didn' wanna make Hershel do it."
"Fuck," Daryl muttered, his eyes falling to the floor from the weight of the situation. They were probably moments from coming home to Sam's dead body. If they hadn't come back when they did she most likely would've pull the trigger when it seemed a lost cause. Merle could have lost her to her own desperate hand.
"Yeah... Fuck." Merle mumbled, his hand wiping blood from her chin and neck with the now pink cloth.
Sam wasn't hurting as much anymore. She was warm but it was tolerable warmth not the depths of hell sizzle. Peeling her sore heavy eyes open she saw Merle's crystal blues watching her. Sam lay on her back and he was on his side, propped up on his elbow. He was wiping a cloth over her forehead gently. the rough texture feeling comforting.
"Hey Sugah, " Merle rasped. His voice and accent deep and gravelly. As if he smoked a carton of cigarettes while screaming his lungs out. 'Fuck I love his gruff drawl,' she thought drowsily, her eyes blinking slowly. She smiled at his words and reached up to cup his cheek.
"Hey handsome," Sam said, her voice equally rough and weak. The effort of talking make her raw throat scream in pain. All the coughing she did had torn up her esophagus.
"Now I know y'still feverish." Merle replied a smirk sliding onto his tired face. Sam could see he was trying to lighten the mood but the fear in his eyes was clear as day. She knew it must have been close to cause him to show such an emotion to her.
"I missed you." She whispered her eyes watering at the thought of Merle of all people scared. He was the strongest man she knew and there wasn't much he was afraid of. Merle set the cloth aside and cupped her face, his thumb wiping away the hot tears edging their way out of her bloodshot eyes.
"Missed ya too girl." His voiced wavered before he cleared his throat. "Gonna be fine now though Sugar." His lip curled up on one side. The crooked smile that made Sam's heart skip. "Doc's fix in' y'all up. Got a regular tune-up."
Sam nodded and felt exhaustion hit her again. Her eyes felt as if they were made of lead. Lead lined with sandpaper. She blinked a few times struggling to stay awake with Merle. She really had missed him more than she thought possible. "Go t'sleep Sam. Be 'ere when ya wake up." Merle said, his deep voice fading as Sam let sleep pull her under again.
Merle watched. He watched and he waited. He took Sam's pulse and counted her breaths. His large hand flat on her chest Merle could feel the rattle of fluid inside. She was so frail looking. Even when he saved her from Woodbury she hadn't looked so fragile. It was such a juxtaposition to her normal strength. Merle thought about how the first time he met her and how they ran through the forest for hours, Sam never complaining. Her feet barefoot, cut up and her back bleeding from lashings. She was as strong as any Dixon he knew. A strange thought settled into his mind and a warmth spread through his chest. The idea of making her his in every sense of the word.
Samantha Dixon.
'Holy fuck Dixon. What they hell ya thinkin'?' he asked himself incredulously but still thinking about how the name sounded perfect. He would have kicked himself in the balls if he thought that at any other point in his life but laying there. Laying there next to Sam, all he could think about was being able to call her his wife.
Merle thought about having a cabin in the woods with Sam. Having dinner at a real kitchen table, waking up without the fear of death, coming him from work to find her in a vegetable garden or hanging laundry. Hey he wasn't going to change all his views, besides she did laundry so much better than he did. He snorted at the reaction she would get if he told her that. The sound of someone entering the cell brought him out of his daydreams of a regular life with Sam.
"Mind if I check her vitals?" Hershel asked before entering the room, his face tired but still compassionate. Merle had to hand it to the guy. He entered the quarantine block without fearing contracting the illness. It showed how much Hershel valued helping others. He was a good man. Better than most.
"Yeah Doc. She feels cooler. Breathin' better but feels like she got gravel knockin' around in there." Merle explained his eyes watching everything Hershel did to know how to look after her himself if need be.
Hershel took her temperature. "Can you sit her up for me? I wanna listen to her lungs."
Merle sat up, pulling her up for Hershel to listen to her lungs and heart rate. He placed a hand on her chest to lean into while Hershel listened to and felt her pale back. Merle stared at the tops of the scars that now stretch across her back. They weren't near as bad as Daryl's or his but the sight of them caused his chest to constrict. Shaking off the flare of anger he watched Hershel feel the rattle in her lungs. Sam's head lolled to the side making Merle wrap an arm around to steady her.
"Going to be awhile for her to get that fluid out but her temps down." Hershel remarked as he finished listening to her congested lungs. He tucked his stethoscope and blood pressure cuff away.
"She's gonna be ok right?" Merle asked his voice tight and breathing halted. He watched the older mans face for any deception. He didn't want a rosy glasses outlook. Merle wanted the hard truth not rainbows and kittens.
"Yeah Sam's gonna be fine. She's a strong woman." Hershel said while patting her knee and squeezing Merle's shoulder as he pushed himself to his feet, "You should get some food and rest."
Merle rolled his lip between his teeth, shaking his head and said, "Nah. Think I'll wait."
"She'll need you strong and healthy when she wakes up. Don't wear yourself down." Hershel instructs using his grandfatherly tone and pointed look.
"Ok Doc. I will I jus'... Soon. I'll go soon." Merle struggled to keep his voice strong but couldn't. Shaking his head slightly as if it would rid him of his fear, "Jus' too damn close to losin' her and I ain't leavin til she's awake 'gain."
"Ok Merle. I'll bring somethin' by. Tomorrow we can move her to the other cellblock. Get her cleaned up, resting. Some fresh air will do you both some good."
Merle nodded but didn't reply as Hershel left the cell. He was too busy watching her eyes flutter and move below the thin pale skin of her eyelids. Merle let his hand cup her cheek, his rough thumb stroking her clammy face. He traced her eyebrow and temple. His finger stroked the scar along her jaw.
'Fuckin almost lost 'er Dixon.' He thought while squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his jaw painfully. Just the thought of her being so close to dying made his heart ache and his gut twist something awful.
It was too much. Too real, too painful and too damn close.
Merle felt like if he had come back to a world without Sam, nothing would console him. He had Daryl and it would probably keep him from offing himself but he would be a shadow of a man. There'd be no reason to keep going other than a responsibility to take care of his brother and that wouldn't be enough to keep him sane. Nothing would be the same without her. Nothing would be good or right. Nothing would ever replace Samantha.
Sam had been awake for several minutes watching Merle snore softly next to her. He was lying on his side, his hand splayed out on her stomach. She turned her head on the pillow and watched his eyes move under is closed eyelids. His scruff was longer than normal and even in his sleep he looked troubled. Sam rolled to her side; Merle's had sliding to her back, pulled her close to his chest. She tucked her head below his chin and felt him press his face into her hair.
"Mmmm, Sugar." He rasped, "How ya feelin'?"
Sam nuzzled into his chest and said hoarsely, "Better… not so 'hot-as-fuck'.
Merle chuckled his chest rumbling next to her face, "How's your breathin'?" Sam took a deep breath and felt the tickle to cough but not enough to make her do it. "Still hard but better." He stroked her, doing wide circles on her upper back and shoulder blades. Soothing out the hurt, calming the rattle. Sam hummed and wrapped an arm around his middle, squeezing him closer. They lay for a long time resting without speaking. Sam realized she needed to use the restroom terribly and asked Merle to help her up.
"Gonna have to carry ya. Ain' fit for walkin'." Merle insisted as he got her sitting up. Sam huffed, "I can walk. I ain't a invalid."
"I know but ya been sick, no food. Gonna be dizzy. Rather not have ya crack y'head open too." He drawled while climbing out of the bed and helping her with her shoes. "Just help me walk. I need to get movin'." She said tiredly, "If I get dizzy I'll tell ya."
Merle conceded and helped her to her feet. She wrapped an arm around his waist as Merle kept her from falling over. They walked down the hallway towards the block's bathroom. Merle got her situated and then gave her privacy after Sam smacked him for watching.
"Wha?! I seen it all, woman!" He snapped without any real anger. Sam grumbled, "Don't fuckin' care. You don't need to see the behind scenes."
Merle laughed gruffly and helped once she was done. They walked back to the cell and he got her lying down. By the time she lay back her eyes were heavy and her breathing harsher. "See I shoulda carried ya. Now ya sound like my damn gran' Pappy and he had black lung."
Sam laughed which sounded more wheeze than anything else. She smirked at him and wove her fingers through his. "Glad ya got back when ya did."
"Hell yeah. I don' ever wanna see ya thinkin' bout offin' ya'self 'gain." He told her his tone firm but a trickle of worry filled his eyes. Sam squeezed his hand and whispered, "I won't if I don't have too. I won't turn into one of those things and…. I don't want you too have to do it."
"Sam. Stop. Ain't happenin'." Merle growled his hand framing her face. "Ain't happenin' and if… it was gonna happen ya ain't doin' it alone."
Sam shook her head, "No I wouldn't want you too."
"Too bad. Ain't nothin' good gonna come if ya gone. " he rasped his eyes cutting away from the emotional turn in the conversation. Sam squeezed Merl's hand to get his attention. Merle saw her watery eyes, "I wouldn't want ya to do that. I'd want ya to stay with Daryl. Keep him safe."
Merle growled and looked away, "Don't wanna talk 'bout this shit. Ain't happenin'. You me in a blaze o' glory. Nothin' else is gonna happen."
Sam snorted and asked, "What like Thelma and Louise. We drivin' off into the grand canyon?"
Merle shrugged, stroking her face, "Nah. I'm thinkin' somethin' with explosions. Maybe a few fireworks shootin' off. Some Motorhead blastin' in the background."
Sam chuckled and asked, "What no soaring eagles and waving confederate flags?"
Merle nodded, "Yeah. That'll work." He smirked and stroked the hair off her sweaty forehead. "Doc says we can go back. Get ya a shower and in ya' own bed soon."
Sam hummed and the idea of a shower and her softer mattress. "Sounds amazing. This place is… unpleasant."
Merle felt so much better now that Sam was awake and joking around with him. He had still been worried for her survival but she seemed a hundred percent better than when he had come back. She was still weak and nowhere near healthy but his shoulders felt lighter.
Peeling himself out of the tiny bed Merle kissed her forehead. "Be back in a lil bit." He whispered when she opened her eyes. Giving him a nod she rolled over, pulling the blanket up to her neck. Merle smiled and backed out of the cell. With one more glance at her tiny frame he exited the cellblock. He wanted to check in with Daryl and see if there was anything needing done. If not he wanted to get their cell ready for Sam. Merle wanted to get fresh sheets and a couple extra pillows. She should be propped up to help with her lungs.
He found Daryl in the yard helping them pile bodies for removal. They would need to do a few trips to get rid of the large horde that made it inside. Merle saw they had repaired the fence and gotten it reinforced. Feeling bad for not helping out he approached his brother hoping Daryl wasn't too pissed off.
"Hey. How's she doin?" Daryl asked instantly, pulling his bandana down from his face.
"Better. Ain't healthy but she'll be good." Merle said, pulling his smokes out, offering one to Daryl. They stood smoking looking over the large swath of earth covered with rotting bodies.
"Fuckin smells like shit out 'ere." Merle grumbled while flicking his spent butt into the pile once done. Daryl snorted and dropped his finished smoke.
"Whatcha need me to do baby brother?" Merle asked scratching his jaw feeling awkward for asking directions from his kid brother. Daryl looked just as surprised by the question.
"Shuddup asshole just fuckin' point." Merle grunted smacking Daryl in the back of the head gruffly. Daryl snorted, "Help me pile. Gonna take 'em out in a bit."
The brothers got the courtyard clear of bodies and piled them for removal. They made sure the fence was structural sound and added reinforcements to other weak areas.
"Gonna check on Sam and get 'er settled. See ya at dinner." Merle drawled to his brother, clapping him on the back and then paused, "Daryl…. "
His brother raised an eyebrow at the use of his real name. Merle cleared his throat and said, "Ya do good 'round here. Ya stepped up 'n… well.. guess sayin' proud of ya."
Daryl swallowed nervously and grunted, "Thanks Merle."
Merle nodded and spit to the side feeling too soft, "Yeah well don't get used to this shit. Ain't gonna stroke ya huge damn ego all the time."
Daryl snorted and chucked his filthy gloves at his big brother, "Fuck off Merle." Merle smirked cockily at him before turning to walk up the hill. Daryl hollered, "Hey Merle?"
Turning to face him again Merle drawled, "Yeah?"
"Jus'… wanna say…. Ya doin' good too ya know. Been good to have ya 'ere." Daryl rasped his eyes cutting away nervously. Merle smiled and gave him a head bob. "Don' turn into no pussy on me, brother. Raised ya better." He grinned and then tipped his chin in farewell. Michonne and Hershel were walking down as he went to get Sam.
"She good t'go Doc?" Merle asked Hershel. The older gentleman nodded, "Just checked on her. She'll be fine. I'll check on her lungs in the mornin'."
Merle grinned and squeezed Hershel shoulder, "Thanks for everthin'. Glad ya was here to help 'er."
"No problem Merle. Happy to help where I can." Hershel said with a gentle smile watching Michonne and Daryl fill the trailer of dead bodies. "Nowadays we all have jobs to do. I got her the right medicine, your job now is to keep her from over doin' it, get her fed and clean. Some good ol' fashioned tender love and care. You do that and she'll be right as rain real soon."
"Will do Hershel." Merle smiled easily, patting him on the back, "Thanks again."
Sam was sitting up in her quarantine cell waiting for Merle to help her return to their regular one. She couldn't wait to shower and feel more human. The sound of heavy boots echoed in the dark cellblock and Merle appeared in her door moments later.
"Hey sugar. Ready for a shower?" he asked sitting down next to her. Sam nodded lay her forehead against Merle's shoulder, "Yeah. I stink."
"Hell yeah ya do. Almos' as bad as all them walkers out there." He remarked helping her up to her wobbly legs. She chuckled quietly and took his hand. Sam leaned into him as they moved toward the exit. She was focused on not tripping and stemming the dizziness that seemed to be threatening her. They moved slowly and finally reached an exterior door. The sun was very bright to Sam after being in such a gloomy cellblock. She raised her hand to block the glare from the scorching sun and walked slowly down the stairs. Sam gave Daryl a wave but he was speaking to Rick about something important, his hands were waving, his voice elevated. Merle saw it also and grunted, "Don' know what tha's about."
Sam shrugged and asked, "Where's Hershel and Michonne goin'?"
"Dumpin' bodies. Had a fence breach last night. All patched up though." Merle said helping her up the staircase into the main housing block. They walked halfway in when Sam stopped to take a breather. "Wow. I am so…"
"Sick? Yeah girl I tol' ya I should carry your dumbass." Merle grumbled sliding his right forearm under her legs a swooping her up to his chest. Soon he was stripping her down in the shower and helping her wash. Sam noticed he was being on his best behavior, washing her methodically without a leer.
"Thanks Merle." She said with a smile softly. Merle grunted in response and grabbed a dry towel, his hand rubbing down her back and legs. "Turn," he said gruffly as he dried her front and then rubbed her hair semi dry. Merle had grabbed clean clothing and got her dressed. Sam let Merle carry her all the way back to the cell.
"Got ya soup and water," he said with a tiny grin and added, "Imma go see if Daryl's a'right. Seemed pissed off out there. I'll be back a bit. Got everythin' ya need?"
Sam nodded but reached out and grabbed for him, her fingers wrapping around Merle's thick wrist. She looked up at his pale blue eyes and smiled. 'Fucking missed this man so much,' she thought her chest clenching at the intensity of the feeling.
"Merle… thanks for takin' care of me. For goin' and gettin' the meds. For everythin'." Sam told him while tugging him down to her. Merle kissed her softly but sat down to deepen it. His lips were soft and tongue soothing. They hadn't kissed in a few days and it felt like a month. She traced his lip with her tongue and then sucked on it gently. Merle leaned over her and let his hand trace her side and grip her hip while exploring her mouth. Sam scratched her nails along his short hair and gripped his neck. Soon they slowed down to light pecks as Sam's breath got rough.
"Girl," he groaned leaning his forehead against hers, "Can' do this yet. Ya gotta rest. Eat 'n maybe I'll kiss ya more when I get back."
"Ok Merle. Love you." she said quietly kissing his cheek once more. Merle smirked and kissed her again. "Love ya too girl."
Thanks for reading and reviewing!