Author's Notes:
In ACOTAR, the character of Feyre had her first sexual experiences with a boy in her village. It was casual, no strings attached sex and a learning experience for Feyre. In this story, Hermione is a remix of Feyre.
Also in ACOTAR, Rhysand is forced into a relationship with Amarantha in order to save the lives of others. She uses him for sex and power, and she forces him to submit. Basically, it's non-con under duress, as Rhysand wouldn't touch Amarantha otherwise. Draco is a remix of Rhysand and Pansy is a remix of Amarantha.
Finally, in ACOTAR, Azriel (Rhysand's friend) has a dagger called TRUTH TELLER which he gives to Elaine (Feyre's sister) to destroy her greatest enemy at the end of the original trilogy. Luna is a remix of Elaine, Theo is a remix of Azriel.
Keep that in mind as we move forward with this tale, as I have grabbed various plots from ACOTAR to make this remix fic work.
~.~.~.~.~
It was Saturday, three weeks after the New Year, and a week after the second term began. My new friends were gathered in the Entrance Hall waiting for me to join them. They all looked up when Astoria spied me and called out, waving like mad to get my attention in the sea of students rushing out the doors to catch a carriage down to Hogsmeade for the day.
"Set?" Ginny asked.
"Yes," Luna distractedly replied, playing with her radish earrings.
"Ditto," Astoria chimed.
I merely nodded.
We left together and waited for an unoccupied carriage to hop into. With the doors shut, the carriage hustled onward.
"Where to first?" Astoria asked.
Plans were discussed to spend the afternoon shopping, gossiping, and enjoying drinks at The Three Broomsticks. I contributed very little to the conversation, my mind a million miles away. I'd received a nasty note from my mother this morning and it had weighed heavily upon my mind.
Apparently, she'd received a letter from the school board indicating that the second half of my tuition was now due.
"…you had a comprehensive curriculum in France. Although you were discharged from Beauxbatons, I feel strongly that carrying on your secondary education at that common school in Scotland is entirely unnecessary, especially as the accreditation is non-applicable for real institutions of higher learning, like Oxford or Cambridge. If you wish to continue with this farce, however, the remaining balance will have to come out of the inheritance you received from your grandmother, as I will not be spending my retirement funds on your whimsical goals…"
As if wanting to work and make a difference in the world was a capricious effort, and standing on your own two feet and building something good that would impact whole communities was folly. As if wanting to be considered an equal to a man and respected for one's knowledge, rather than for one's looks, was too outlandish and unreasonable an expectation.
My mother was so far gone down the hole of self-interest and archaic stereotypical gender roles I wasn't sure she'd ever understood what I was attempting to do.
"'Mione, are you alright?"
I looked up to find Astoria leaning forward in her seat, gazing at me with intense concern.
Astoria Greengrass was seventeen and a sixth year, the same as Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood. She'd been sorted Hufflepuff, and for that reason, her Slytherin family had all but disowned her, but she and I had taken to each other almost immediately after being introduced by Ron last November. That was at the same time as I'd met Gryffindor Ginny and Ravenclaw Luna, and the four of us had become an island of inter-house unity that many others looked at and scorned.
Yet, despite that close bond I felt to the three women around me, I couldn't share my shame over my mother's attempts to exterminate my dreams. It felt too poisonous a cloud to spread around, especially on such a lovely day.
Plastering a fake smile on my lips, I nodded. "Sorry, just talking to Crooks." I tapped the side of my head.
Convinced that my distraction had to do with my rare mental connection with my cat, the others let me be after that. Only Luna watched me as if she knew I was lying. Thankfully, she said nothing, however.
We arrived in the village soon after and set out for shopping first.
At Scrivenshaft's Astoria waited by the counter, talking to the young female cashier while the rest of us put together our needs. After, we stopped at Sprintwitches so Ginny could get a broom polishing kit. While we were there, we ran into Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, and Theodore Nott. Harry Potter was also there with his best friend, Ron.
Luna wandered over to Harry and struck up a conversation. It was clear by the way Potter looked at my friend that he was, literally, over the moon for her. I was guessing by how close she stood to him that the feelings went both ways.
Meanwhile, Ginny and Zabini were glaring daggers at each other over by the newest broom display. The two had an antagonism that bordered on obscene because everyone within fifty feet could feel their lust for each other masquerading behind the venom in their words.
Malfoy and Nott approached Astoria and me. Both men seemed hesitant.
"Hello, Theo, Draco," Astoria greeted the men.
Of course, she knew them, as her elder sister, Daphne, was a Slytherin and had undoubtedly introduced the two to her years ago, hoping to set the groundwork for a 'proper' match for her 'improper' sister.
I nodded at Theo in 'hello'. He gave us both a bow from the waist in the old custom but didn't speak. He rarely did. Furthermore, he kept his hands behind his back, as usual, as they were hideously scarred from a fire started by his bullying half-brothers when Theo had been only six-years-old, and he was terribly self-conscious of their effect on others.
"Astoria," Malfoy acknowledged her with a tip of his head. His attention shifted to me, and I felt the quickening of my breath and blood as our eyes met. "Granger."
"M-Malfoy."
It was the best I could manage, given my mouth had gone bone dry and my throat had tightened to the point of embarrassment.
After the Yule Ball, Draco had respected my silent request for distance, including a cessation of our note-passing, and I'd appreciated that kindness. In that moment, however, I was finding it difficult to justify keeping him at arm's length any longer when all I really wanted to do was ride him to the floor and rip his clothes off, and to hell with the repercussions.
Such thinking was utter madness, and yet it took great restraint not to act upon it.
My obsession with him had heightened over the last few weeks to the point where I'd decided to attempt to quell the raw need in the arms of Seamus Finnigan over the Winter break when we'd both stayed behind at Hogwarts. The Irish hadn't wanted to go home, and my parents had decided to go on holiday without me, leaving us both with plenty of free time to kill, no Pansy Parkinson to harass us, and little chaperoning from the staff—not that either of us had needed any, as we were both eighteen and of age.
Needless to say, the past few weeks had been ripe with opportunity for two people finding themselves with little to do and few obstacles to preventing them from getting into all manner of mischief. That was how, on Christmas Eve, after consuming a few drams of bootleg Irish whisky in his dormitory room, I'd been in the unique position to proposition Seamus to rid me of my inconvenient virginity. Sex without romantic entanglements I'd determined I could do, and in the doing, I'd prove my mother wrong regarding a woman's sole worth having anything to do with what was between her legs.
Predictably, being the considerate and horny teenage boy he was, Seamus had been more than willing to take me up on my offer. To be fair, the Irish had been decent and skilled enough I'd enjoyed my first time…and second…and fifth, but the sexual attraction hadn't been even a tenth of what I'd felt for Draco. That uncomfortable realization was why I'd broken it off with my first lover on New Year's Day. Fortunately, he'd taken it well and we'd split amicably.
Standing in front of Draco now, though, I felt a frisson of guilt I knew I shouldn't feel.
Irritated with such misplaced feeling, I reminded myself that he and I weren't together, nor had we ever been. Snogging did not a lover make, and therefore I hadn't cheated. Besides, he was with Parkinson by choice, for better or worse, and what they were doing behind closed doors was infinitely more perverted, I was sure. I was simply being ridiculous, acting like some female version of Philip Roth's Portnoy.
"So, how was your Christmas?" Astoria asked the boys, mostly to be polite, but also to fill the awkward silence that had fallen like a condemnation between us. Theo replied something to the effect of, "As well as can be expected," which gave Astoria the perfect opening to ask more questions. She chattered on, while I stood stiffly next to her trying not to feel Draco's gaze burning into my skull.
To my dismay, Theo took Astoria's hand and directed my friend elsewhere in the shop, leaving me alone with my greatest torment. With just the two of us now, I became acutely aware of just how close Draco stood to me and that the others were far enough away not to overhear any conversation we might have.
"I suppose the fact that you smelled skunk on me the night I'd bathed in Amortentia should have been a sign."
That wasn't at all an opening line I could have ever anticipated, and so it surprised me. I glanced up at him to demand he stop teasing me, but when our eyes met, my chest tightened and my vexation simply flittered away.
"I didn't, really," I heard myself confessing instead in a low, breathy voice. "I was only-"
"Attempting to keep me at arm's length that night?"
"Yes."
Who was I right then that I could be admitting such things aloud? It was as if all my prickly thorns were being shorn away by the earnestness in his gaze.
"Maybe I should have taken the hint then?" he pressed. "Might have saved me from your rejection later."
I didn't answer, couldn't. Either way, I'd be damned.
When he took a single step forward, everything inside me became hyper aware that only inches separated us now.
"Do you think I should have walked away from you when I had the chance?" he asked in a soft, tempting voice. "Would you have wanted me to?"
Inside, my head warred with other parts of me. My body and soul wanted what Draco was silently offering as he stared at me with such tender understanding. At the same time, my head didn't. If I accepted his terms, it would fundamentally change me, effectively destroying the future I had worked so hard to fashion.
"It's all a game, Hermione…"
I held my arm out and pressed it to his chest to ward him off.
He looked down at where my hand rested, then back at me. "You do that a lot, push me away." Reaching up slowly, he tucked a stray curl behind my ear. "Do I scare you that much, my Granger?"
"You don't frighten me," I automatically denied. A lifetime of conditioning, of protecting my heart from my mother's hatefulness and my fellow classmate's resentment had drawn the words from my mouth without thought. "No one does."
"No?" he asked, searching my face for clues to the truth. When he found it, he nodded. "Good."
His fingertips traced my jaw, and his thumb softly caressed my chin.
"Do you know that when you look at me as you are now, I feel like I'm dying," he whispered, closing those inches between us and bending his head so our mouths were even. "All the breath leaves me, and I can't concentrate on anything but how your lips might taste." He pulled his attention from my mouth and met my eye again. "It's the same feeling when you don't look at me at all, though."
"Sounds complicated," I replied, my voice gone husky.
He smiled. "Most things in life are, especially this."
He leaned down and kissed me. It was soft, quick, over before it had even begun…and it left me dying a little, too. Dying for more.
He pulled away, dropped his hand, and stepped back.
"You're dangerous for me, too, my starlight. You put me on my knees at a time I can't afford to fall."
"I'm sorry," I told him, for I felt exactly the same way about him.
Before he could reply, from the front of the store, Theo gave a sharp whistle.
As if that was a pre-arranged signal to scatter, Malfoy quickly moved off. From my peripheral vision, I noted Blaise doing the same with Ginny. I turned to see Potter had taken Luna around a tall display that was not easily visible from the door, and that Ron headed over to me, all smiles, asking about tutoring sessions. Ginny joined her brother and stood at his side, a formidable shadow. Theo and Astoria remained where they were, suddenly engrossed in discussing the mannequins sporting new Quidditch jerseys in the shop window.
The front door opened, the tinkling of the bell announcing a customer.
Pansy Parkinson strutted through the door, her 'friends' piling in behind her like good flunkies following their mistress' heels.
The shop suddenly felt too small for so many people.
After taking in the store, Parkinson's gaze fixated on me. A vicious smirk decorated her ugly face.
"Mister Blewett," she called out for the shop owner. A plainly-dressed gent with grey hair and spectacles appeared before her in a flash, obviously recognizing her and her powerful name. "I believe my father will be disappointed to learn that this establishment sells its wares to the less desirables of society." Her gaze never wavered from me, so it was clear to all whom she was referring to. "Such a shame, really, as I know from Papa that you were hoping to expand the store. Your permit might never see the light of day now."
The cheap-seat hecklers snickered at their leader's cruelty.
Once upon a time, a few months back, I'd have been shocked by such cruelty, but Parkinson had proved over the term just how twisted she really was, and so the threat didn't upset me in the way I believe she was hoping. Rather than put the store owner in an uncomfortable, unfair position that could jeopardize his operations or compromise his soul, though, I simply opted to take the higher road and made my way to the door to remove myself from the equation.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Parkinson?" Ron demanded, clearly not one to let such injustice pass. Showing the Gryffindor penchant for bravery, he marched over to the witch and got in her face. I'll admit, I thought better of him for standing up to her, even knowing the consequences. It wiped clean all his past sins in an instant, as far as I was concerned. "Are you really that ugly inside, too?"
Potter was at his friend's side in an instant, putting a hand on Weasley's shoulder to calm him. His green gaze was hard and disapproving, however, when he looked at Pansy. He wasn't stupid enough to provoke her, but he made no bones about the fact that he'd squash her in a moment if he could.
Unfazed, Parkinson simply smiled back. She clearly had something on him, too.
"Come on, Hermione, let's go," Astoria said, bravely taking my arm and leading me to the door. Behind me, Ginny and Luna followed, similarly offended on my behalf. Their loyalty to me brought tears to my eyes.
Pansy, though, wouldn't be outdone for the last word.
"You might want to be careful of unfortunate associations, Astoria. They do have a way of coming back on you in most…unpleasant ways."
Malfoy was at Parkinson's side in an instant. "Pans, enough. You've made your point."
"It's enough when I say it is, lover," she venomously replied, twining her arm through his and giving him a smouldering, hungry look. "Speaking of such, I'm suddenly in the mood for a little privacy. Perhaps Madam Puddifoot could be convinced to rent out her back suite to us again…"
I didn't stay for the rest, hurrying away.
When we were outside and the door shut behind us, I let Astoria lead me down the street and counted to fifty to restrain my furious impulse to whip out my wand and unleash some serious destruction. Over and over in my head, I reminded myself that I couldn't afford any negative attention, especially if it would get me expelled. I only had to tolerate the bitch's sniping and sadism for six more months, and then I'd be done with her forever and have the credentials needed to pursue a career in the M.L.E. I couldn't allow Parkinson's harmless jabs to get under my skin. I had to focus on the bigger picture.
"Someone needs to knock that cunt on her arse," Ginny snarled.
"Don't worry, someone will," Luna stated quite calmly, looking right at me. She fingered her wand, which I noted had the words "TRUTH TELLER" etched down its side, but then quickly holstered it and held her hands up in the air. "Snowing!"
Icy fractals fell all around us as the sky suddenly opened up and snow began to fall.
"Come on, let's go convince Rosmerta to serve us some spiked nog," Astoria encouraged, and the four of us trooped off to The Three Broomsticks to get warm and temporarily forget the coldness of the outside world.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Author's Notes:
Lines borrowed (some altered) from "A Court of Thorns and Roses" series and altered for this chapter's use:
"I'm thinking," he said, following the flick of my tongue over my bottom lip, "that I look at you and feel like I'm dying. Like I can't breathe."
– Rhysand, A Court of Mist and Fury