The rain soaked me from head to toe as I strolled down the road. I pushed the hair from my face and didn't bother to wipe away my tears. It was over. It was actually over. My chapter with Sam was closed and the weight that had been sitting on my chest for months was finally lifted. And I didn't know what to do.
My feet carried me past every house, every car, the park, everything. Until I was in front of it. The single lamp in the living room illuminated the window, letting me know that someone was home. I hesitated, contemplated walking back home, before slowly stepping up the porch and knocking twice on the front door. "Fuck…" I whispered, before turning around and bouncing down the porch stairs. Then I stopped. "Damn it…" I squeaked, running back up to the door. What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn't want to do it like this. I didn't know why I was here.
No, I knew exactly why I was here. I just needed to see him, even for a second. I needed my friend. The door swung open as I watched as Paul pulled his shirt over his muscular chest as if he just put it on. My eyes widened as I took in his messy hair, his scruffy face, and how his clothes hugged all of the right parts of his body. I tucked my hair behind my ear as my mouth gaped open before closing, no sound coming out. "Hi," I finally managed.
"Hi," he reciprocated with a smile. I inched closer to him, my heart pounding heavy. We were practically chest to chest; I could hear his breathing speed up just a little. His amber eyes locked on mine, full of questions. I slid my hands up his torso, his chest, and up to his face, cupping both of his cheeks. "Leah, what are you doing?" Paul whispered. His facial hair was a little scratchy under my palms, but I didn't mind it. I moved until my body was pressed against his, feeling him gingerly place his strong hands on my hips. Raising myself on my tip toes, I crashed my mouth to his. My heart leaped out of my chest as our lips danced together. His fingers gripped my hips as he tried to bring me closer before he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me flush against him.
This was it. This was what I'd been waiting for. Paul ignited something in me that I hadn't been ready to acknowledge. But standing here, at this very moment, there was a fire in the pit of my belly that was only growing stronger at every single pass of his tongue and at feeling the contours of his body as he pulled me as close as he could. It was desperate. Passionate. It was hot. We stumbled back into his house, never breaking contact. I kicked the door shut before Paul pressed me up against it, causing me to gasp. He finally leaned away from me to catch his breath. His lips were swollen and the front of his clothes were wet now from my walking in the rain. The way he looked at me was like all of his questions were simultaneously answered and unanswered. "Lee…" he breathed, dropping his head on my shoulder. I reached up to play with the hair on his neck as I willed my heart to slow down.
"I'm sorry," I swallowed. Paul was placing little kisses on my neck before he nuzzled his face into my hair.
"Please don't apologize. Please don't tell me you regret that already," he mumbled in my neck. I felt him run the tip of his nose up the length of my neck before his lips were an inch away from mine again. "Leah, I…" he trailed off.
I closed the space between us, kissing him again. He let out a small moan as he held himself up with both of his hands on either side of my head. "Can you take me to bed?" I asked against his lips.
"What?" he asked, shocked. "Really?"
I nodded, slipping my fingers under his t-shirt before lifting it over his head. His abs rippled under my hands before I settled them on the waistband of his sweatpants. Paul tugged on the hem of my dress before whispering, "What about Sam?"
"That's over," I said. I could see the relief wash over his face. I bit my bottom lip nervously as I placed my hands over his and lifted them up, taking my dress along with them. He threw it to the side before taking my face in his hands and kissing me passionately.
All of a sudden, his hands and lips were everywhere; I felt as he placed wet kisses on my neck and shoulders before watching him drop to his knees to kiss my stomach and the waist of my white lace panties. "Fuck…" he groaned. Paul looked up at me, asking the question of all questions. I nodded my head and felt my breath hitch as he slowly pulled my panties down my legs. I kicked them to sit with my dress before sliding down the door onto the hardwood floor.
We sat and stared at each other for what felt like forever. Reaching behind me, I unhooked my bra and slowly let it fall from my chest. I kept my knees close to my body, feeling the need to shield myself from him. Paul broke eye contact with me with a small laugh, hanging his head. "Jesus," he whispered. He rubbed a rough hand over his face. "Is this…is this real?"
I bit my bottom lip, looking down at my naked body. "Do you want it to be?" I asked. Paul scooted closer to me, lifting my chin.
"More than anything," he assured me. "I just need you to be sure that you want this."
He looked afraid. Afraid that I was suddenly going to snap out of it and realize this was a mistake. It wasn't though. I slowly ran my finger down his lips, mesmerized by every single feature of his face. He was beautiful and vulnerable. We both were. I let my feet slide until they were resting on either side of him, allowing myself to open for him. Paul's eyes darted down before locking with mine again as he swallowed hard. "I want you," I whispered. "Can I have you, Paul?"
He nodded before capturing my lips again, one of his rough hands landing on my hip. He moved to his knees, settling between my legs. I draped my arms around his neck, wanting him closer. Then I gasped as his fingers made contact with my core. He moved them in slow circles as my breath hitched. He watched my face for a minute before his head dipped down to place open mouth kisses on my neck. I felt a wave of arousal wash over me as he continued to touch me.
Then he stopped. He backed a few inches away from me. He was breathing hard, trying to slow his heart rate. "Ok…" he whispered. "I need to slow down."
"Why?" I asked, reaching for him.
He blew out a breath, "Because I respect you, Leah. I don't want this to just be sex. I…" he stopped, "you know how I feel about you, Lee."
"I respect that you respect me. I have all of the respect in the world for you," I told him, holding his hands in mine. "This isn't just a rebound hookup for me. I didn't come over here for sex, but, when I saw you, I-I don't know what came over me."
I felt a little foolish. He probably thought I was using him for sex. Here I was, sitting on his floor, completely naked, after discovering my ex-boyfriend and my cousin in my bed. I am the most selfish person in the world. Jesus Christ, what was I thinking?
Grabbing my dress and standing up, I started to apologize, "I'm so sorry, Paul. I didn't mean to…" I didn't even know how to finish that sentence. My hands started trembling a bit because my mind was racing. What if he didn't want anything to do with me anymore because he thought that I wanted 'just sex'? I managed to get my dress over my head and turned to leave, not looking at him.
The door only opened a crack before his strong hand closed it again. His other hand rested on my hip. "Where are you going?" he asked, evenly.
"I just don't want you to think I'm here for sex. That's not why I came," I said, feeling his breath on my neck.
"That doesn't mean you have to leave," he told me. "I want you to stay."
Paul pressed his lips against my shoulder before moving me away from the door. I followed him into his bedroom and sat on the bed, smoothing my dress down. He sighed, lying next to me and propping himself up on his elbow. I felt myself reach out to run my fingers through his hair; a small smile graced his face as his eyes closed, melting into it. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?" he asked.
I shook my head, "You don't want to know."
"I do," he responded.
I continued to massage his head as I relived the past 24 hours for the hundredth time. "Sam fucked my cousin," I told Paul.
He let out a surprised whistle before rolling on his back. "Wow, I wasn't expecting that at all."
So, I told him what happened. From the moment I got home before Seth's game to watching Sam and Emily defile my bed with my own two eyes. Halfway through, Paul gave me one of his t shirts to change into because I said that I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in that house right now. We were sitting in his bed, his head in my lap, and I felt like I could breathe with him with me. "Rach and Bex were trying so hard to distract me, but…all I could think about was you," I admitted. Then I breathed a laugh. "And then all of a sudden, I was naked in front of your door."
He was so quiet. Just listening. Every once and a while, he would make a small noise to let me know that he was still hearing me. But he didn't say anything. He didn't offer advice or do that pity thing. He was an ear. That's what I loved about Paul. My heart skipped a little bit when he intertwined our fingers.
"I've been so wrapped up in making sure that everyone is being taken care of; I feel like I should have seen it coming."
"Nah, I don't think that's it," he finally interjected. "I think you did see it coming. You just didn't care enough."
"Excuse me?" I asked, pulling his hair until he was looking at me.
He brushed away my hand and sat up. "Lee, you've been checked out of your relationship with Sam for a while. If you weren't, you would be a lot more upset and you wouldn't be here with me."
"What do you mean? Of course I'd be here with you," I argued.
He raised an eyebrow at me in question before raising himself to his knees. He dropped to all fours and leaned in really close to my face. I think I stopped breathing; I could see all of the yellow flecks in his eyes and the dark ring around his iris. "So, you're saying that you would be sitting in my bed, in my shirt, if this had happened a year ago? Hell, if it had happened 6 months ago? No dice, Clearwater."
"You've been my friend for years, Paul. Even when we weren't close, I knew I could count on you if I needed to," I spoke softly.
His gaze dropped to my lips before locking with my eyes again. "Friends don't kiss friends like that," he stated. "Friends don't let friends touch them like that."
He had a point. Damn it, I hated when Paul made sense. He reached up and brushed my hair from my face. The air seemed to still around us as we gazed into each other. I moved closer to him until we were just a breath away from a kiss and felt myself move away when he went for it. This all felt very familiar. "You make me nervous," I whispered.
Paul's mouth twitched upward as he recognized those words. He nodded before saying, "Just tell me when you want me to stop." He lifted my chin before capturing my mouth with his. My entire body erupted in tingles as his tongue explored my mouth. Before I knew it, he was on top of me, his groin pressed firmly against my bare core. His head ducked to my neck, licking and sucking every inch he could reach. I heard myself moan as he ground himself into me. The only thing between us was his sweatpants.
Everything about him was making me drunk. The way his body felt, the way his mouth moved, the subtle ways he was telling me that he wanted me just as bad as I wanted him. My hands slid down to the waist of his pants and began to push them down. He froze for a second. He lifted his head to look at me, silently asking me if this was really what I wanted. When I nodded my head, he lifted his hips so I could slide his pants off as far as I could. He kicked them off before settling on top of me again. Paul all but tore his shirt off of me before taking in every part of my body. "Wow…" he breathed.
Being with Paul now was so different than before. I mean, of course, it was. He definitely knew what he was doing, and I had learned a few things over the years. But I still wasn't prepared for how good it felt. He found his way to my breast, capturing one of my nipples in his mouth. I moaned as his tongue twirled one of my nipples and his fingers played with the other. "Fuck…" I whimpered. He switched sides as he pressed the lower half of his body to me as much as possible. Then I felt his hand trail from my breast, down my torso, and then in between my legs.
Paul left my breasts and whispered in my ear, "I want you, Lee."
"I'm all yours," I moaned.
He bit and sucked on my earlobe as he played with me more. Then he grabbed himself, rubbing the head of his cock on my opening. "I really hope you mean that," he rasped as he slipped inside me. I gasped as he filled me. He took his time, letting me adjust to his size. He was so big. When he was at the hilt, he stopped and fought for his breath. "F-fuck, Leah," he groaned.
My mouth found his again as he rocked a little to test the waters. I couldn't stop my growing moans as he began thrusting harder and faster. I matched his pace as much as I could, grinding myself to his rhythm. "Please don't stop," I sighed. "Please."
He started pounding me harder as he placed gentle kisses along my neck and my collarbone. Paul put one of my legs over his shoulder and groaned as he felt my tightness. I gasped loudly at the new angle he was hitting. We locked eyes as he continued to fuck me, making me have this strange but delicious out of body moment. Like I could see myself from above, arching my back every single time he hit that spot. I threw my head back as he touched my spot again and again and again. Paul kissed the inside of my calf as he sat up, lifting his weight from me. No, I needed it. I needed him on top of me. "God, you're so tight," he growled, looking down at where we were joined. I watched him slam into me countless times, feeling my body start to shake. "I need you to cum for me, Lee."
He continued to work my body in ways I could have never even imagined. Every single inch of my body was tensing up and I hadn't experienced that before. It felt so good. It felt too good. I squeezed my eyes shut as I started to get in my head. This happened every time. I'm always so close and then a big fat nothing.
"Look at me," he demanded. My eyes popped open and he looked ready for his own fireworks. "Stay with me," he told me.
What did that mean? Paul tapped his finger to my mouth as he slowed himself down. I licked his finger from knuckle to tip before biting it a little. He smirked at me before his finger made its way to my clit. My face was riddled with shock as he worked my clit, speeding up his thrusting again. Soon, he was pounding me again as he flicked my clit over and over. There was this tightening feeling in my stomach, and I began to gasp and writhe against his touch. He was watching my face as I completely shattered, my body coming off of the bed. "Oh my god!" I exclaimed as I came.
He let the pleasure take over his own body as he made me ride out my orgasm. "Fuck," he grunted as he was thrown off of his rhythm. Paul collapsed next to me in a huff before he covered us with his blanket. I kissed him, making sure to linger as long as possible. Paul smiled against my lips before pecking them again and then my forehead. I rolled over so I could feel his strong arms around me. He kissed my shoulder as I felt myself drift off.
XXXXXXXXX
"Hey Sue," was the first thing I heard the next morning. "Yeah, she's here. She's alright."
The bright morning light greeted me as soon as I cracked open my eyes. The space next to me was still warm, smelling of cake frosting and sex.
The memory of the night before came flooding back and my face instantly broke out into a smile. "Nah, I don't know what happened," Paul lied to my mom on the phone. I could hear him pacing in the living room. "I'm sure she'll be home later."
I swung my legs over the side of the bed, picking up the discarded t shirt from the ground and pulling it over my head. I had this delicious soreness between my legs and my stomach fluttered a little bit. I lazily wandered into the living room, seeing Paul in only a pair of boxers and complete bed head with the phone to his ear. He sighed, nodding his head at whatever Mom was saying, "I don't think Emily coming over here is the best idea, actually. Leah didn't get much rest last night so I'm letting her sleep in."
Leaning against the door frame, I watched him pinch the bridge of his nose, not yet noticing me. I took a minute to admire his physique because, goddamn, he is gorgeous. Broad shoulders, sculpted biceps, toned torso, strong legs. Damn. "I get that Emily's upset, but—," Mom cut him off. "I do care; I just care about Leah more."
I rolled my eyes at my mother's antics and walked over to Paul. I wrapped an arm around his waist and grabbed the phone from his hand. "I'll be home later, Mom," I said before hanging up.
Paul faced me, his eyes soft as he took me in. "Good morning," he smiled. "How'd you sleep?"
"Like a baby," I answered, hugging him. "Sorry about my mom."
He shrugged, placing a kiss on my forehead, "She's just worried about you and Emily."
I smile wryly, "If she only knew…"
Paul made eggs and bacon for breakfast and we spent the rest of the morning in bed. Stolen kisses and sly looks were the highlight of that day. After arguing for five minutes, Paul let me pull up Grey's Anatomy on the laptop Billy Black bought him for Christmas. George and Alex were stuck in an elevator with a gunshot wound patient, but I couldn't even focus on that. I found myself watching Paul from the side of my eye. His arm was folded behind his head, and he was super focused on the show. It was wild that this was so comfortable.
Sitting in his t shirt, watching Netflix, and just enjoying each other. He would reach over and hook our fingers for a minute and then move his hand to rest of his naked torso. My mind was still replaying the night before, making my stomach flip every time I thought about him kissing me. And then my mind wandered and thought about how different his kisses were compared to Sam's. Sam. Sam and Emily. Paul wasn't Sam; they're completely different people. But then other girls that I've seen with Paul popped into my head. There were so many of them. He said that what happened last night wasn't just sex and I believed him. Buuuut… "Did you used to do this with Olivia?" I blurted.
He didn't even hesitate. He just snorted a laugh and gave a dry, "No."
Oh. I shifted until I was facing him fully. He glanced at me before focusing on the screen again. "Do you miss her?" I prodded.
"No, Leah, I don't miss Liv," he said in a bored tone.
I pursed my lips and tried to convince myself not to ask the question I really, really wanted to ask. Eh, fuck it. "Do you miss the sex?"
Paul sighed as he paused Netflix and then turned to me. He looked at me, bemused. "What's up, Lee? What's on your mind?"
I wasn't sure. I think there's this part of me that was wondering if he was comparing me to other girls the way I couldn't help but compare him to Sam. Paul was checking some of the boxes that Sam had been leaving blank. My friend, Paul, and I crossed a huge threshold and I'm only kind of positive that we both didn't know what that meant for us now. Were we together? Was it a one-time thing? I definitely hoped not.
Paul leaned over and pressed his forehead to mine. "Please don't overthink it. I can practically see the wheels turning in your head."
"I-I just don't want to overcomplicate things if they're not meant to be…" I started before he swooped in to kiss me. That's a great way to shut me up. "complicated," I finished with a sigh.
"It's not," he answered, simply. "Liv doesn't hold a candle to you. She hasn't been on my mind once since we broke things off. You don't have to worry about that."
I wasn't sure if I believed him yet, but I was just going to take it. I just wanted to be in this moment with him; no talks about the future or our families or anything having to do with the outside world. We could just be here with no worries, watching Meredith and Derek and Christina and everyone else fumble around and figure out their own mess. "What does all of this mean then?" I asked somewhat timidly.
Paul's gaze softened and, for a second there, he looked sad. I watched him temper his words before he finally said, "We don't have to know right now. Let's just enjoy this."
The phone rang quite a few times that day. People knocked on the door. But neither one of us even thought about getting up to entertain it. Without any thought about what awaiting outside those for walls, Paul and I could just be.
XXXXXXXXX
That didn't last long though. Because life could never be that simple. When you are one half of the most "influential" couples in the whole school and you take one step out of the car with your ex-boyfriend's best friend to go to school, you would have thought the world exploded. Pair that with the other half of that same couple stepping out of his pickup with your cousin who was due to report to the elementary school across campus? Oh man.
I think all four of us saw each other at the exact same time. As I was grabbing my book bag from the backseat of my car, the familiar slam of Sam's old pickup truck twice. I remember glancing over casually across the lot. Sam was looking down at Emily as she fussed over herself. It was her first day as a TA and she was just sooo nervous. Almost like he knew I was looking, Sam's head raised, and we immediately made eye contact. The range of emotions that circulated Sam's face was something I'd never seen before. He was relieved to see that I was at school then he looked guilty when he remembered what was happening. Then his eyes flicked next to me before a look of absolute rage.
Paul appeared next to me, hoisting his backpack onto his shoulder. His arm snaked around my waist as he asked me if I was alright. I nodded, peeking up at him to see him and Sam glaring at each other. And then there was Emily who looked like a deer caught in headlights. It's like she couldn't decide between feeling guilty, shocked, or confused. She was just as dressed up and perfect as she always was; I think that pissed me off even more on top of everything else. This wasn't how things were supposed to be.
As Emily took a step to come over to me, Sam quickly grabbed her hand and shook his head. "Not a good idea," I saw him mouth before leading her toward the elementary school.
Paul pulled me in the opposite direction. "It's not even worth it, Lee," he said. Once I tore my eyes away from my cousin and my (obviously now) ex-boyfriend, I realized that almost everyone in the parking lot was staring at us. Just eyes everywhere and they were all on us. Me and Paul and Sam and Emily. And then they started whispering to each other. I saw little Jacob Black turn to Rachel and Rebecca, pointing over his shoulder and probably asking what was going on with me and Sam. If looks could kill, I would have dropped dead right there from the daggers that Olivia Alister's eyes were throwing at me.
I wasn't used to this. It was strange to be the center of attention this way. I was all of a sudden missing that safety of Paul's bedroom and hating this tiny school more and more by the second. "Don't let it get to you. It's alright," Paul whispered in my ear as we walked through the front doors. He walked me to my locker and it was almost like having a body guard.
"God, this is so weird," I mumbled, grabbing one of my books. "Everyone's staring."
"It'll be old news soon. You know how things are around here; people will talk for like five minutes and they'll move on," he told me, encouragingly.
I groaned, "I don't want people talking at all."
The first bell rang. I sighed and closed my locker before leaning on it. Paul turned around and placed a caring hand on my hip. "Keep your head up, Clearwater. I'll find you later."
"We'll take care of her," we heard behind us. Rachel and Rebecca stood there in their twin glory. They were matching today, wearing jeans, their cheer spirit hoodies, and matching high ponytails. Bex had cropped hers and Rach had added small bedazzles to hers. They both smiled at Paul and me, but I could tell just by their faces that they had questions and a lot of them.
Paul nodded at me before leaving to go to class. Bex excitedly jumped closer to me, shaking me by the shoulders. "Spill it," she begged.
Rachel giggled before pulling Bex by her hood. "Relax, Becca, let the girl breathe."
"I need to know before I explode," Becca whimpered.
I laughed and shook my head, clutching my book to my chest. The last time they saw me was right after I caught Sam and Emily and then I disappeared into the night. "Need to know what?" I lightly teased. Bex scowled at me. "I'm still processing everything that happened this weekend."
"Alright, I'll help you! All it is is five little words. I'll help you with the first three," Bex grinned.
"You're the pushiest person I know," I laughed.
"It's ok! You've got this. Ready?" she said before speaking slowly, "I slept with…"
"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," Rachel reminded me.
"I slept with…" Bex probed.
I tried to suppress my smile before rolling my eyes playfully and declaring, "I slept with Paul Lahote."
Becca erupted into ecstatic screams as she jumped up and down and pulled me into a hug. The few people who were lazily making their way to first period stared at us strangely as they passed. When Bex finally let me go, she was smiling so big, you would think she was the one who finally did it with the guy she's been thinking about for weeks now. Well…it's Rebecca. She's probably done that more times over in the time that it took me to do Paul once. "I knew it! I heard you get up and the first thing I thought was that you were going to Paul's house. I was right."
"It wasn't…like that," I tried to defend myself.
"Girls! Get to class!" Mr. Fallon yelled as he poked his head out of his classroom.
Becca demanded that I come to the old gym during study hall so I could tell them all about it. They bounced down the hall toward their class and me to mine. I was about to turn into my first class of the day when I felt eyes on me. Turning around, I found Sam standing at the end of the hall, staring at me. I couldn't describe the look he was giving me. The only word I could think of was betrayal.
After school, I was walking out of the school when I ran straight into, none other than, my cousin. "Ope!" she exclaimed as her binder dropped to the ground. She bent down to pick it up as she mumbled, "Oh shoot, I'm so sorry."
I saw her before she saw me. She picked up her binder before smoothing down her dress and her hair. I cleared my throat uncomfortably as she stood up straight. Her eyes widened. I pushed past her to leave when she grabbed my hand. I instinctively yanked my wrist from her and walked toward my car where Paul was waiting, leaning on it.
"Leah wait," Emily called.
"I have nothing to say to you," I said, not bothering to look back at her.
"Leah, please! I want to explain!" she begged.
My frustration spiked. I shoved it down as I continued to cross the parking lot. Paul pushed himself off of the car, concern etching his face. From the other side of the lot, I saw Sam standing tall and uneasy, focused behind me. Paul opened the backseat as I geared up to toss my backpack into it. I was about to crawl into the passenger seat when Emily grabbed my hand again. "Leah, you have to talk to me," she said, exacerbated.
I whirled around to face her, my irritation peaking. "I don't have to do anything after what you did," I told her.
"Let's not do this," Paul tried to intervene. "Emily, Leah still needs some time to sort out what happened."
Emily's eyes narrowed at Paul. "She doesn't need you to speak for her," she spat.
"I'm not dealing with this," I mumbled, climbing into the car.
Sam called Emily's name from across the lot. My heart squeezed at the sound of his voice calling someone else's name. Emily looked at me longingly as I gave her a blank stare. She hung her head before walking to Sam's truck and climbing in.
That should have been the end of it. At least for that day. But it wasn't. Sam's truck followed us the whole way home. I was hoping that they would go somewhere else. Just to give me a little time to digest and grab some things from my defiled bedroom.
They pulled up right behind us at my house. I sighed, letting my head fall back on the headrest. Paul put a hand on my thigh and said, "We can go somewhere else if you want."
I almost nodded in agreement before I realized that that's stupid. "Why do I have to run away from my own house?" I asked.
"I just want you to be comfortable," he said as I glanced in the right-side mirror. Emily was wiping her sad little tears as Sam spoke oh so gently to her. He reached over to kiss her cheek and I tore my eyes away. "Do you want me to stay with you?"
"Yes please," I whispered.
It was the face off of a lifetime. Sam and Emily didn't waste any time following us into the house. "So, you're just going to hate me forever then? You won't even let me explain?" Emily started as soon as she could.
"I don't have anything to say to you, Emily, and, frankly, there's nothing you can say that will justify it," I said, setting my bag down in the kitchen.
"Come on, Leah, don't be like that," Sam chimed in.
"Be like what?" I asked indignantly, facing them.
"Sam, butt out," Paul warned. Sam gave the most feral growl I'd ever heard in response. "You've done enough damage, don't you think?"
"What the fuck are you doing here anyway, bro? This has nothing to do with you," Sam snarled.
Paul's chest puffed up. "Yeah, but, unlike you, I actually give a damn about Leah."
"A little bit too much of a damn, if you ask me," Sam said stepping forward.
Footsteps came rushing downstairs. "What in the world is going on down here?" my mother's voice approached us before she did. Usually, she wasn't here this time of day. No one was. She put her hand on my back and spun me around. My father was close behind her, looking very concerned. "Baby girl, we've been worried sick about you."
I let my head hang low as I said, "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to worry you."
She brushed my hair away from my face and tucked a strand behind my ear. "Now," she started, "you all never fight. What's happening?"
Paul snorted as I rolled my eyes, "Convenient," I muttered.
"What, sweetie?" my dad asked.
I turned to Sam and Emily, who were looking as guilty as ever. I flashed a spiteful smile before asking, "Do you want to tell them or shall I?"
"Leah, please don't," Emily said.
"It's only fair," I quipped.
"Leah," Sam spoke in a threatening tone.
I faced my parents again, feeling the tears sting my eyes. "I caught Sam and Emily fucking," I told them.
Both of their faces paled completely. My mother hated when I cursed, but she only cringed for half a second before the news registered for her. My father let out a very faint 'shit' under his breath. "What?" Mom breathed out.
"When you guys dropped me off after Seth's game, I came home to find them together. In my bed." I explained.
"Emily, Samuel, is this true?" Daddy asked.
I waited for one of them to say something. Anything. Mom was rubbing up and down my arms to comfort me. Emily's pathetic, quiet sobs reached my ears and I felt my entire body tense up. "I-I-I didn't m-mean to," she cried. "I never meant to hurt Leah."
"Oh, for the love of God," Paul grumbled.
I squeezed my hands into fists at my sides. "You didn't mean to? What does that even mean?"
As Emily blubbered about the heat of the moment and being so hurt at the idea of me hating her, I felt like I tuned out to preserve the last of my sanity. And then I heard it. "It's alright, Em. We don't have to explain ourselves." Fucking Sam…
I whipped around, eyes blazing. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I shouted. "You fuck my cousin and the only thing you have to say is that you don't have to explain yourself? That's the least you could do, you asshole!"
Paul stepped between us before I could hurl myself at Sam. I wanted to tear his throat out.
"How long, huh? How long were y'all sneaking around behind my back? God, you're both unbelievable! You made me look like an idiot. The two people I trusted most in the world and you lied to me," I yelled.
My father came between all of us. "Let's all take a breather," he said.
"No!" I exclaimed. "No, I don't want to take a breather. I don't want to be in the same room with them. I didn't even want to have this conversation!"
"You won't even let me get a word in!" Emily cried.
"Unless you're going to say that he accidentally slipped into your vagina, I don't want to hear it," I sneered.
"Is that what happened with Paul? Did he accidentally slip into your vagina?" Sam threw in.
"What or who I have sex with after you cheat on me is none of your business."
"And I thought you wanted me to stay out of this, bro," Paul snapped.
"How long did you wait before you fucked her, Paul, huh? An hour? Maybe two?" Sam asked, his nostrils flaring.
"Still can't own up to his shit. Always deflecting," I rolled my eyes at Sam. I watched as his hands started to shake. "Uh oh, are you going to lose your temper because you got caught in a lie? We still haven't fixed the back door from your last temper tantrum."
"You really don't want to piss me off," Sam growled.
"Samuel," my father commanded. "We will not do that in our house."
"Leah, please, let me fix this," Emily begged.
I glared at her. "There's no fixing it," I said definitely. "You're dead to me."
I saw her heart break in that second. In front of me, there was just this stranger. Two strangers. Two people who I never thought would hurt me had made me afraid to go into my own bedroom. The image of them together flashed in my brain again. My boyfriend and my cousin. The two people I couldn't live without.
Then Emily's eyes hardened. I raised an eyebrow in challenge. I knew my cousin. She was sweet to people, but there was always something in her. Something dark. Ever since we were kids, she had the tiniest, fiercest mean streak in her. She always wanted things to go her way and they usually would. But when they didn't, she always had something in her back pocket. Her secret weapon. Emily could hold a secret for years until she knew it was the best bomb to drop at the right time. But there was nothing that I was hiding that was good enough to drop. Oh shit…except for one thing.
"I'm dead to you," she repeated. "Years of being there for you and one little mistake makes me dead to you?"
"You mean the colossal mistake of fucking my boyfriend? Yes," I said. "I trusted you, Emily. I never hid anything from you, and I thought you didn't hide things from me either."
"So, you're throwing away our sisterhood over a misunderstanding?" she asked.
"Penetration doesn't feel like a misunderstanding to me," I corrected.
She made a small humming noise. Then she gave me that look. I knew it well. The 'you'll regret that' look. God, what a sociopath. "Since you don't hide things, Leah," she started, "do Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue know about the 15 acceptance letters that have been sitting in your desk drawer? I'm sure they'd love to hear all about how their baby girl is itching to leave the nest as soon as she steps off of that graduation stage."
"What?" my parents both exclaimed. My stomach dropped into my butt and I froze to where I stood.
She was good. Goddamn it, she was good.