Thank you again to everyone for your kind comments and for being so patient in between chapters. One weird thing about releasing chapters as I write them is that I can't really go back and edit things as a coherent whole, and so sometimes surprises that don't always fit happen. Looking over this chapter, the beginning of it should be at the end of the last one. But I guess that's the fun of fanfic. It doesn't have to be perfect. Enjoy my mess until the next update!

Chapter 12

Funeral Potatoes

By the time Jack reentered the cabin, Vicky and Phillip had gone to bed (separately). Only Janet sat waiting on the couch, on which remnants of ash and fire extinguisher residue lingered from an incident that seemed like ages ago now. The nail of her thumb that she'd been biting slipped from her lips and she looked eagerly toward Jack when she noticed him come in.

"Jack..." she began as she stood up, ready to attempt to explain the reasoning for her decision. He simply held up a hand in response. He was tired. Everybody was right. It was time to go home.

He began to make his way toward his room and stopped, remembering that nothing was normal anymore.

"I got your things from Vicky and made up the bed for you in the loft.

Jack nodded. "Thanks," he said softly.

Knowing not to press matters for the time being, Janet produced a tight-lipped smile and backed toward the couch, which she began to pull out to make a bed. Jack started to say something, but he decided against it and silently climbed up the ladder that led to the loft.

Moments later, as he lay staring at the ceiling, he heard a quiet "goodnight, Jack" and closed his eyes.

...

By 8:00am, Phillip's Mercedes-Benz was filled to the brim with everybody's luggage. (The car had seemed like a fun idea on the way up, but now packing all of their things into the small space just seemed stupid). Phillip and Janet took the front, while Jack and Vicky squeezed in the back, a wedge of bags stuffed conveniently between them.

Jack had been relatively silent all morning, speaking only in short phrases when absolutely necessary, and he remained tight lipped as he tossed on his sunglasses and dramatically leaned his head against the window like an angsty teenager. Jack, however, wasn't the only one who remained quiet. Now that they were stuffed into such close quarters, the tense weight of what had happened over the span of their short trip permeated around them, leaving everyone feeling heavy. Phillip attempted to lighten the mood with a half-hearted "ready to rock'n'roll?" as he shut the door behind him, but it was met with a thick silence and set of glares in return.

"Two hours, eight minutes," Jack muttered under his breath.

"Janet, darling, could you unfold the map, please?" Phillip asked as he put the keys in the ignition and handed her the large, folded map of California.

"Darling," Jack huffed and muttered again, rolling his eyes. Vicky stared at him out the corner of her eyes.

Janet abruptly unfolded the map and laid it out on the dashboard as if to indicate to Phillip that he could read it himself.

"I'll take the map," Vicky offered.

"I'll take the map," Janet interjected in response. "We are here," she pointed to a spot. "Drive straight and take your second left."

There was a knock at the passenger window and Jack yelled and jumped in response, causing himself to hit his head on the ceiling of the car.

Janet unrolled the window to find Tad and Careene Rigby's widely smiling faces. Careene held what appeared to be some sort of casserole in her hand and offered it to Janet through the window.

"Hey there, Tad! Careene!" Phillip waved.

"We just couldn't let our favorite Big Bear friends leave before we said goodbye and offered a parting gift!" she exclaimed.

Vicky couldn't tell what Jack was muttering now, but it was an expletive of some sort.

"T-thank you," Janet said as she hesitantly accepted the aluminum foil wrapped casserole dish.

"It's funeral potatoes!" Tad stated matter-of-factly, sounding way too excited to be mentioning anything with the word funeral in it.

"Funeral potatoes?" Jack inquired.

"Ah, yeah. Gosh we usually only make them for certain occasions, but we were just so gosh darn bummed that you guys were leaving already, it seemed only appropriate," Tad said.

"I woke up extra early to make them this morning so they'd keep on your trip back!" Moments later, Careene was sniffling. "You take care of yourselves, now."

"Thank you," Janet put on a forced smile. "That was really too kind of you."

"Yes, thank you," Jack poked his head out. "But if you don't mind we really need to get going and –

Janet fumbled with the map and the dish at the same time. "Here, Jack, could you take this please?" Janet handed him the casserole dish, which landed with a thud on his groin. It was warm.

They said their goodbyes, Phillip promised to stay in touch, and without a second glance they were on their way back to Santa Monica. Jack wasn't positive, but as the car picked up speed, he swore he saw the blurred outline of a man and a bear as they drove over the mountain lined road. He softly rubbed the top of his sore head and closed his eyes.

...

By the time Jack woke up, he was certain he'd been sleeping long enough that they'd be home by now. But when he glanced down at his watch, he noticed that the hands had barely moved. It had only been 17 minutes since they'd left. So why, then, was the car stopped?

He turned his eyes toward the window and noticed the rotund shape of a middle-aged man's behind as he stood between the group's car and his own, pumping gas. The man turned to replace the pump and looked over at Jack with bugged eyes. His lips moved as if he were saying something, but Jack couldn't hear him and motioned as much. The man cried louder, and in response Jack rolled down the window further. But before he could ask the man to repeat himself once more, a seagull poked its beak directly into Jack's face.

"Gyah!" Jack cried and pulled away, but the bird was intrepid and made its way into the car through the window. It landed on top of Jack, and he panicked and pushed the door open. The bird was joined by another, and then another as Jack toppled to the ground, the casserole dish crashing with him. The birds were ravenous, clambering over one another in anticipation of the potatoes. Jack stood up and shoveled the potatoes that had landed on his shirt and lap off with his hands before turning toward the man.

"I tried to warn ya," the man muttered before driving off.

"Thanks!" Jack cried after him sarcastically, halfheartedly flinging the goopy potatoes that clung to his hands toward the receding car.

After catching his breath, he looked back at the Mercedes. He assumed everyone must be inside the rest stop, but why they needed to stop a mere 17 minutes after leaving Big Bear was a mystery to him. As he walked back toward the car, he noticed the group of them walking back toward the car.

"Jack, what happened?" Janet was the first to notice his predicament. He glared at her in response.

"Why are we stopped?" was all he said in reply.

Janet turned around discretely to make sure Phillip wasn't listening. Fortunately, he had made his way back into the car, so she turned back to Jack. "Um...it's kind of private, but Phillip sort of has...well he has a prostate condition and..."

Jack just stared at her.

She sighed, hating that she had to spell it out. "He has to pee a lot!" she said a little bit louder out of the corner of her mouth.

"Well this wasn't an issue on the way up!" Jack said, annoyed.

She sighed again and fidgeted with embarrassment. "It...it happens more when he's nervous."

"What does he have to be nervous about?" he cried.

"Who cares about him, what happened to you?"

"I'd rather not discuss it," he replied.

"Well at least let me take you inside and get you cleaned up."

"That's perfectly fine Janet, but I'd like to just get home sooner rather than later."

"But Jack..."

"It's fine, Janet!"

"You smell like potatoes!"

"Well a little potato never hurt anyone."

Before she could reply, Phillip's head poked out of the car. "You two coming?"

Jack and Janet exchanged glances, then silently gave up their mini-spat and made their way toward the car.

"Gosh, Jack, what happened?" Vicky asked as he slumped down.

'You happened,' he thought, but only said, "I had an incident with the potatoes. Would you like some?" he asked, extending his sleeve toward her.

She forced a stiff half-smile and shook her head no, deciding not to press him further. Moments later, they were back on the road. Janet was fidgeting with the map – they'd gotten sidetracked finding a place to stop – and she was having trouble helping Phillip reroute.

"Where exactly are we right now?" Phillip inquired.

"Green Valley Lake general store, I told you when we stopped," she said, rolling her eyes.

"And I need to take what road, now?" he asked.

"For crying out loud, Phillip, Green Valley Lake Road. It's right there up ahead."

"Where?"

"Right there."

"I don't – oh."

Jack pinched the top of his nose and inhaled before slowly breathing out of his mouth.

"There, see? We're back on track. Everything's fine," Janet stated more to herself than anyone else as she turned around to face the others before her eyes landed on Jack. She wrinkled her nose a bit at the smell, but her eyes grew sad when she noted his demeanor. He didn't notice her looking at him, so she turned and settled back into her seat. Feeling as though she needed a bit of fresh air at that point, she pressed the button next to her to roll down the window and leaned her head against the side of the window frame. They had not had the chance to talk anymore since their conversation the night before; she knew she'd hurt him by avoiding his propositions in favor of somehow working things out with her husband. She wished he could understand. She wished she had the words to take his pain away, but the answer somehow didn't seem evident to her.

The knowledge that she'd started all of this kept poking around in her brain. It was she who wanted to bring all of this back out into the open, she who needed answers from Jack even though perhaps a part of her already knew the answers. She had gotten so close to hearing them from him...and just as he was beginning to open up, she pushed away again. She didn't know any other way.

She closed her eyes in an attempt to drown out any stimuli. All she wanted to feel in that moment was the wind gently tugging at the hair around her face and the map fluttering between her fingers. Soon, it was her turn to drift into something resembling sleep. She hadn't been out for more than ten or fifteen minutes before she heard a yelp. The map had drifted out of her hands and over her head, landing directly on Jack's face. In a struggle to remove it, he knocked it directly out of his still open window.

"Janet, what was that?" Phillip asked, not taking his eyes off of the road. Vicky, who was now also asleep, hadn't noticed either.

Janet turned toward Jack, he eyes bugging out. He made a motion as if to say "What do you want me to do?" in response. She turned back toward Phillip, as stiff as a statue. "I, uh...Phillip?"

"Yes?"

"The map."

"Speaking of the map, can you find the best place to stop again? Just in case?" Phillip asked.

"I, uh..."

He glanced toward her quickly. "Say, where's the map?"

"You know what Phillip, maybe we should um...how about we just try our best to make it the full two hours? You'll be okay, right?"

Phillip briefly took his eyes off the road to look her directly in the eyes. "Janet...where's the map?"

She winced. "If I had to guess, a good mile behind us at this point." She shifted and her demeanor changed. "And it serves you right!"

It was evident that Phillip had become mildly panicked but he kept his composure.

She looked back at Jack then at Phillip again, defiant. "And if you think we're turning around for it now, you're crazy."

"No, no. We'll...just...have to, uh, make do," he stuttered, tugging at his collar.

"...you have to stop again, don't you?" It was her turn to grow agitated.

"Hey, you know what? We're almost in San Bernardino at this point. I think I can make do."

...

The sign in front of them read "Smiley Park." A little beyond that stood another sign indicating a pathway toward a country club. Phillip stood on the side of the dusty road with one hand on his hip and the other blocking the sun and shook his head, perplexed. "Where in the gosh darned heck are we?"

"Amongst your people, looks like," Janet muttered under her breath. "Look if you have to go, ask them and go and get it over with!"

"I actually think I've heard of this place. If I mention my father's name, they might let us in."

Jack and Janet both glared at Vicky.

"...just a suggestion," she murmured.

Phillip erred on the side of caution. "Nah, nah. There's plenty of space. I'll just...find a spot and go." He turned to pause and survey the area, then hesitantly moseyed away to find a safe distance from the others.

Janet crossed her arms and followed him for with her eyes for a moment before shaking her head. She turned to find Jack strolling off in the opposite direction.

"Jack, not you too. Really, I could ask," Vicky said.

"I don't have to go," he called back.

"W-wait a minute, Jack. Where are you going?" Janet this time.

"Well, considering I actually have some sense of direction, I know that 330 is just up that way," he yelled back.

"And what exactly do you think you're doing, Jack? Walking home?"

"I'll get home the old-fashioned way." He waved his thumb in the air.

"Oh no you don't!" Janet balled her fists with her arms stiff at her sides. She began power walking after him, wobbling in her shoes, which were unfit for the terrain. "That is a completely absurd idea and you know it!"

"Come on you two! Let's just stay here and wait for Phillip," Vicky pleaded.

But her words fell on deaf ears as the two meandered further and further off. Vicky was practically out of sight by the time Janet caught up to Jack. Both of them were so focused on their task at hand that neither of them noticed the stunning sight of the fading mountains off in the distance. From their vantage point, you could see for miles and miles. But Jack only had eyes for the road ahead of him, and Janet only had eyes for Jack. When she finally reached him, she stretched up toward his shoulder and tugged it in an attempt to turn him around. He relented and faced her.

"What?"

"Why are you acting like this?"

Jack laughed and shook his head incredulously. "You have to ask?"

She groaned. "I know you're upset Jack and you have every reason to be, but do you really have to act like such a petulant child?"

"Petulant? Moi, petulant?" he asked, jamming his thumb into his chest. He let out a stiff laugh again. "My god, am I the only one here not losing my mind? Everybody's sitting around pretending like nothing's happened, we've barely made it more than 30 minutes from where we left, and we've got a guy with a bladder the size of a pea! But I'm petulant? I'm the only sane person left here!"

"Look, we've gone over this. We all just want to get home before we try to have any more conversations, Jack. Everybody is tired. I am...I'm so tired." She ran her hands through her hair and turned to face the view, fighting back the tightness growing in her throat.

"You think you're the only one who's tired? You don't even know the half of – " He stopped himself, not ready to reveal the rest of his misfortunes to Janet just yet.

She looked back over at him. "The half of what?"

"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

"That's just the problem, Jack. You never want to talk about anything. That's why you ignored me for an entire year. That's why you let me –" It was her turn to cut herself off.

"Let you what?" he asked. He wasn't the only one who had the incredible ability to hold nearly everything in.

She folded her arms and shrugged him off.

Can I just ask you something, Janet?" He didn't wait for a confirmation. "What did he even say to you that made you decide to forgive him so easily?"

"Oh come on, Jack, in all the years that you have known me, what makes you think I could ever forgive him for what he did?" She glared at him.

"I don't know, Janet, you seem pretty eager to get home right now."

She paused for a moment, then spoke quietly. "I have not forgiven him. Not yet. It has barely been 24 hours and I haven't slept a wink." She turned back toward him. "But do you know what he did say Jack?" When he didn't answer, she went on, "He told me that no matter what, he still loved me."

He looked at her incredulously. "And you bought that?"

"Jack!" she squeezed her fists and shook her head, turning away in disbelief.

"Look, Janet, you wanted me back in your life, well here I am. And I'm not going to just sit here and let you – "

"You don't 'let me' do anything. I make my own decisions."

He huffed and rolled his eyes. Still, he clung to something that she'd said the night before: "Maybe you should've said something." It had seemed a ridiculous thing for her to say, but he decided to press it a little bit further. He spoke slowly, hesitantly. "If I'd have told you, a year and a half ago, that I didn't like Phillip and that I didn't think you should marry him, would you have listened to me?"

Her arms were folded, and she continued to glare off in the distance for a moment before speaking. "...No. I'd have killed you."

"Then I'll ask you one more time. What should I have said?"

She swallowed hard and remained silent, focusing on some point far in the distance. Soon, they could hear Phillip's car rolling toward them and she looked back at Jack. Her mouth began to form the shapes of the beginning of words, but nothing came out. She stopped and her eyes bore into him, pleading. Something about that look revealed the parallel nature of the pain that they both shared - it was suddenly in that moment that he knew.