Leonard losses the uniform top the second he enters their quarters. It's not even that this rendition of the uniform is that uncomfortable, anything is more comfortable than the cadet reds, but the reminder of what could have been makes it itch and pull tight in a way Leonard can't describe. It's been a long day with more 'emergencies' than he's become accustomed to over the last five years. Clearly officers fresh from the academy are still a little short on brain cells and balance, having had to treat five sprains, four cuts, six burns and one broken arm that came with a vague story that Leonard doesn't want to look too closely at. Nothing serious; just tedious work that requires a mountain of paperwork.

Jim's camped out on the couch under a mountain of blankets in front of the large viewing window, poking away at a PADD. It immediately revives Leonard and perks him up. Jim's not a potted plant that's going to die if Leonard's away at work, but it just makes him feel better to lay eyes on the kid and know things are copasetic. He places a kiss on the top of Jim's mop head as he passes by to change out of his uniform pants. "You can raise the temperature if you're cold. We have the technology," says Leonard.

"Not cold," says Jim absently, too invested in whatever he's doing on the PADD to really give Leonard his attention. "It's my blanket fort," he says as Leonard returns to the living room.

"You gonna let me in or do I need a password or something?" asks Leonard.

"There's always room for you," assures Jim lifting his legs up for Leonard to sit down.

Leonard pushes the blankets out of the way and let's Jim prop his leg in his lap. He stares out the large windows at the vast scape of stars passing by, mindlessly curling Jim's bangs through his fingertips. It took awhile to get used to Jim letting his hair flop in his face. He's not sure if it's a remnant of when Jim gave up or if it's strictly to hide the scar that now mars his boyish good looks. Leonard stopped seeing it long ago but he doesn't miss the way other people openly stare or go out of their way to look anywhere but at Jim.

"What are you working on?"

"I got the computer to give me access to the star charts for the next quadrant of space we're going to be passing through. I'm plotting the course I would take if I got to call the shots," explains Jim, thoroughly invested in his work.

"Got the computer?" That's all Leonard needs is to have the hobgoblin haul him in for a reprimand about Jim hacking the computer to get classified charts.

"It's not as hard as it should be," criticises Jim, like a child placing the blame on an adult for not making getting into trouble more difficult.

"I don't care if it's child's play. We've talked about this. You can't break into secure systems," lectures Leonard. And god he's getting tired of having to go over the rules.

"But..."

"No buts, Jim. If you want the charts I can make a formal request for them but you can't create security breaches like this."

"Fine!" retorts Jim, getting up and throwing the PADD at Leonard. He storms off to the bedroom in a huff. All that's missing is the slamming of the bedroom door. Leonard's surprised he hasn't reprogrammed the computer to let him do that yet.

He picks up the PADD from where it missed his head and collided with the wall. There's a crack in the screen but the display still comes up. He's a doctor not a navigator though he managed to pass the basics back at the academy. The trajectory Jim's planned out looks good but Jim's IQ and skill have never been the problem.

'Mayday. Mayday. Starfleet, this is the USS Troubadour requesting immediate assistance. We're being attacked by an unidentified Romulan ship.'

Leonard looks up abruptly as Uhura enters his office unannounced and uninvited. "What can I do for you Lieutenant?" he asks, every bit of irritation he's feeling coloring his words.

"Jim McCoy? Is that really Jim Kirk that you smuggled onboard?" she says, direct and straight to the point. Jim Kirk was an over confident, womanizing trouble maker with a capital T. Spock already has all eyes of him being the first Vulcan to take command, of the flag ship no less, he doesn't need the type of trouble and disorder that follows Kirk around. She's always liked Leonard but she's protective of Spock and has to be sure nothing is going to derail all that he has achieved.

"First of all," says Leonard, affronted, "nice to see you too, Nyota. Second, I didn't smuggle anyone on board. Out of everyone I thought you'd be the last to give into ship's gossip."

She doesn't flinch under his look of disappointment. She's stared down a logical Vulcan before; she can stare down one Leonard McCoy. "Is is Kirk?"

Leonard takes a long breath, looking resigned. "Yeah," he sighs. "Jim McCoy is probably better known to you as James T Kirk."

"Why hide it?" presses Uhura like a seasoned interrogator. "What's his game? I thought he was out of Starfleet?"

"I wasn't tryin' to hide anything. Jim took my last name."

"To pretend to be your brother?" she accuses.

"My brother?" asks Leonard, looking confused. "Who said Jim was my brother?"

She crosses her arms. "That's what he told Spock."

"Why would he... never mind. Jim's not my brother, he's my damn husband," says Leonard raising his left hand to show off a ring on his last finger. "He uses my last name so he doesn't have to use his. He doesn't need or want the attention the Kirk name brings."

"Wrong finger," she points out. She's read Leonard's file inside and out; there is no spouse listed only one dependant. "And since when does James Kirk not want attention?"

Leonard lowers his hand, his right absently twirling the ring around his pinky finger. "It's complicated. Most things with Jim are... complicated." He slumps a little in his chair. "He doesn't want attention, not anymore. Not since Nero." Leonard's eyes start to glisten with unshed tears.

Uhura's starting to feel like a bit of a bully, but she's fiercely protective of her family, which includes most of the senior officers on this ship. Everyone's heard some version about the first Federation ship Nero encountered before the attack on Vulcan. Whatever the version, they all end with Kirk being kicked out of Starfleet for one reason or another soon after Nero's defeat.

"Please don't tell anyone it's Kirk," begs Leonard. "Jim's not who you remember. That kind of attention from the crew, it'll break him. He can't handle people, hell, most situations. He just needs to be left alone. Please."

Uhura takes a seat, her voice taking on a softer tone, "People will find out eventually. Few secrets are safe on a starship, especially when the mystery is already gaining attention." She almost looks apologetic. She and Leonard got along fine at the academy, her and Jim on the other hand...

"I'll cross that bridge when I get there but just not today."

Uhura leaves feeling something she never thought she'd feel for Jim: sympathy. Obviously she was quick to believe the stories of Jim being a reckless idiot and endangering people that lead to his dismissal a little too quickly. Leonard wouldn't beg for someone like that. It will take some digging but she's determined to get to the bottom of what really happened to one Jim Kirk after the academy.

Scotty's not used to a lot of tourists in his department apart from the odd delegate that's sent to see the engines and fake interest in his lovely lady for the sake of peace. Medical only pays a visit if it's life or death so it's a surprise to find the doctor wandering around the engine room. If one of those babies that have been posing as engineer graduates has dropped something on their toes again, Scotty's going to petition the Captain to start a daycare center and drop the whole lot of them off there.

"Are ye lost doctor?" he shouts over the purr of the engines as he descends from one of the catwalks.

McCoy turns around looking relieved. "Actually, I was looking for you."

"Here I am, at yer service."

McCoy holds out an older PADD with a horrifically cracked screen, looking rather sheepish. Scotty looks at it skeptically. Starfleet PADDs are made to take a beating. No use having the things if one drop during a firefight finishes them off. "I'm told you're a miracle worker. I'm hoping you can fix it."

"It would be easier to put in a requisition for another one. I'm sure there are a couple newer ones in storage and it takes but a lick to replicate one," says Scotty inspecting the PADD. It's about seven years old now, ancient in tech standards. The thing is hardly worth the material it's made from anymore.

"It has sentimental value," offers McCoy.

Scotty doesn't look quite convinced. "I can replace the screen and refit the guts to make it faster and with more storage."

"No!" sputters Leonard. "It has to be exactly the same except for the screen. No upgrades, no program changes and please don't look at whatever is on there."

"Worried I'll find your stash of naughty vids doctor?" jokes Scotty.

"If only," mutters Leonard. Revealing some porn collection to the crew would be a cake walk compared to dealing with Jim's paranoia if he thought someone was messing with one of his PADDs. Just getting the screen fixed is going to cause a few bad days but since he only trusts devices he had at the academy to not be riddled with surveillance and the like, Jim's quickly running out of PADDs that have survived his meltdowns over the years.

"I'll have it fixed up in a couple of days and drop it off at your quarters," vows the Scotsman.

"That's alright. Just message me and I'll come get it from you. No need to go to my quarters. And thank you Scotty, I appreciate it."

The thing about exploring uncharted space that no one tells you, is there are long stretches of nothing. Planets and anomalies are big question marks just floating out in space and finding them is like throwing a dart in the dark. It's mostly crunching data to looking for the tell tale signs that something is just around the corner, otherwise it's long shifts stuck in limbo until that beautiful sight of something pops up in the view screen. They're in that vast stretch of nameless stars now and the most interesting part of the day is lunch.

Uhura's the last to join the table of their little quartet and the conversation is already in full swing. "What are we talking about today, boys?"

"Chekov was just telling us about astrometrics," informs Sulu.

"That sounds exciting," says Uhura rolling her eyes. If they'd found anything worth looking at, the whole ship would be a buzz, so whatever's gotten Chekov's attention must be some technical breakthrough that gets navigators and astrophysicists excited.

"Dr McCoy has a standing reservation in the lab for zero three hundred hours. The lab is to be cleared fifteen minutes before and must stay empty for fifteen minutes after," says Chekov.

"Are there a lot of people booking the lab for private use in the middle of the night?" asks Uhura, not seeing the issue yet.

"Just insomniacs and people on gamma shift trying to finish research," injects Sulu.

"So..."

"It is not Dr McCoy going in there at night, rather the mystery man," Chekov clarifies.

"It's a little weird, lassie. Most people are asleep unless on shift and this guy isn't technically part of the crew," adds Scotty.

"It's probably the only time he can access the lab for non official business. And just because it's zero three hundred ship time doesn't mean it's not afternoon where he's from," suggests Uhura, keeping her gaze directed on her salad. It is odd behaviour, which makes the things she's heard about Jim seem more likely to be true than she first thought. She hates lying, even if it's by omission and especially to cover Kirk's ass but she doesn't have it in her to break Leonard's trust without good cause.

Sulu sits up straighter. "You know something," he accuses.

Uhura can feel all eyes lock on her. If she doesn't feed the wolves something they're going to keep circling Leonard and Jim until they find an opening. "He's McCoy's partner. Jim McCoy is Leonard's husband, so you can all stop speculating and move on."

"Since when do they allow family members to accompany officers on exploration vessels?" asks Sulu. He's not sure which side he falls on in regards to the subject. Missing Ben and their daughter tears him up while he's on assignment but he's not sure he wants to take the chance if something happens that his family will be caught up in it. He made the decision to risk his life for the Federation, his daughter didn't.

"Why don't we ever see him or them together?" adds Scotty.

"He has agoraphobia and you three are the cause of it," answers Uhura with an evil grin. "We're done talking about it and tell your sources they're done talking about it too," she threatens. The fear of her wrath won't hold the crew for long but it will slow them down and give Leonard and Jim a little space.

There are eighty-six black marble tiles comprising the floor space in the hallway outside the court room. Five of them have scuff marks on them. Leonard's considering polishing them just for the sake of having something to focus on other than the agonizing wait.

He should be in there. A court marshal behind closed doors can't be a good thing, especially when it's taking this long. A slap on the wrist doesn't require this much time. And a slap on the wrist is the best they can hope for. There's no arguing the facts, that Jim endangered lives.

Extenuating circumstances be damned when you have to explain to some family why their loved one isn't coming home. They were so close to that this time. Leonard has a foreboding feeling deep in his gut that Starfleet won't be able to look past this incident- even for its golden hero.

"Any news yet?" asks Pike as his sits down next to Leonard on the old worn leather bench.

Leonard shakes his head. The silence has been killing him. At least if he could sit in chambers with Jim he'd have some clue as to the mood the assembled council was in. He should be there when they reveal their decision, it's Leonard's life too.

"I thought you were off world?" Pike is probably Jim's last ally within Starfleet command. If he had been on the panel there might be a chance that Jim's command wouldn't completely be in jeopardy.

"I was," says Pike, turning his uniform hat over in his hands. "As captain it's within my prerogative to bring my ship to whatever port I believe is best equipped to handle repairs." They both know there's nothing wrong with the Enterprise.

"Thanks. He'll appreciate you being here," says McCoy.

"Whatever happens, it will be alright," Pike assures.

Leonard desperately wants to believe that but he knows too much and has seen too much to believe in happy endings anymore. If Jim loses command, it will break him, probably worse than Nero did.

"There are things beyond Starfleet," continues Pike.

"Says the career captain," snaps McCoy. "Tell me, if I hadn't performed that surgery and you lost the ability to walk, would you still be happy with your life?"

"Probably not," concedes Pike, "but Jim has something I've never had."

"What's that?"

"He has you."

Leonard's not sure that's enough in the grand scheme of things.

The door finally opens and Jim walks out. They rise to their feet. Leonard searches for any hint about the proceedings but Jim is an unusually blank slate. There's nothing but disbelief coloring Jim's features.

"Well?" asks Leonard unable to stand the nothingness he's getting from Jim.

"I'm done," says Jim, hollow and empty. "They took it away from me. I'm out of Starfleet." His blue eyes glass over in the first sign of emotion he's shown since the proceedings started. Starfleet just took his life and showed him the door.

Leonard feels like he's in freefall. His future is in doubt now too and he feels like he has nothing to hang onto as he tries to keep Jim from drowning. How's he supposed to serve on a ship when Jim can't follow? It's been him following Jim since that fateful shuttle ride out of Riverside. Where's he supposed to lead them?

Leonard steps forward to wrap his arms around Jim and try and hold all Jim's pieces together but Jim takes a giant step back. "I just... I can't right now, Bones. I need to be alone," he says before turning and walking numbly away.

Leonard wants to die a little as he watches Jim's back.

"I'm done too," he says, the words flying out of his mouth.

"Are you sure?" asks Pike. "You should probably take some time to think about it. I can talk to the brass, see if there's something that can be done."

They could fight this. Pike's that good that they might even get Jim back in a uniform and on a ship but it's not going to be what Jim had. Leonard's not sure how many times he can go through this. They can't take many more losses. Maybe it's selfish to not try, to just take the out and try and build something simple somewhere; Jim's always been a fighter. Leonard's the one that doesn't have it in him. He can't watch Jim be disappointed anymore.

"No, says Leonard. "If they don't want him, then I don't want them. He was good enough to save their collective asses but they wash their hands of him the second things get rough. I'm done." He knows it's more complicated than that. Bigger picture and all that but Leonard only has enough in him to care about Jim right now. The rest of the universe will just have to fend for itself. "I won't change my mind."

It's been two years since Nero took their carefully planned lives and torpedoed them. Rescue was supposed to mean they could rebuild and reclaim their lives. Everything is still slipping through their fingers though.