"What the hell happened?" shouts Leonard, going wide eyes as Spock walks into sickbay with Jim limply slung over his shoulder. He knows he shouldn't try and get out of bed but damn it, it's Jim.
M'Benga holds his hand up halting any effort on Leonard's part to sit up. It doesn't take much. He quickly goes over to the biobed the captain deposits Jim on and starts running his tricorder over the patient.
"He was quite agitated and was becoming violent. I had to subdue him before he caused any real harm to himself or the crew," states Spock. "I utilized the Vulcan nerve pinch. He should be fine in a few hours."
"You nerve pinched my husband?" says Leonard, rather affronted. He's been unconscious for three days and the captain is already assaulting his husband- warranted or not.
Spock stands by his decision. "It seemed the least intrusive method to subdue him."
"And just why did he need subduing at all?" accuses Leonard. Jim, now more than ever, needs to be handled with kid gloves, gloves which most people don't even know they need to put on.
"I believe he was looking for you. He also accused me of being Romulan." Spock raises an eyebrow like he can't believe someone could mistake the two species.
Leonard lets out a long breath. He can't blame anyone for their reaction, even if he finds rendering Jim unconscious to be a little extreme; Jim doesn't exactly come with a user manual. "Yeah, that'll do it."
Spock looks at Leonard sceptically.
"We were part of the crew compliment that managed to make it to the shuttles on the Troubadour when Nero attacked. They took everyone on those shuttles prisoner," says Leonard. For all he worries about Jim's triggers and hang ups, retelling their story is one of his. Even if he skims over the painful parts he hates the way people look at him- look at Jim afterwards. Still, he's going to be laid up in sickbay for awhile and he needs them to understand what they're dealing with, if for nothing more than to keep Jim out of sickbay or the brig.
"I have seen the files," says Spock moving closer to Leonard's biobed.
Leonard's sure he has. The whole incident is a required case study at the academy and every command officer in service was brought up to speed on events even if the names of the survivors have since been sealed. The basic information's present in Leonard's file since he's an active member of Starfleet. Jim's file is still sealed with a very altered abridged version available. He knows Pike only gave Spock the 'Jim McCoy' abridged version. "What they don't tell you is Jim's the one that got the distress call out. Jim's the one that kept us alive. So when he's stressed and under pressure like when he thinks his husband is going to die he starts to forget where he is. And then someone with pointed ears comes along and it's very easy for him to end up back on that ship where they used to torture us for information or to punish the others," explains Leonard. He clenches his hand into a fist under the blanket to stop it from shaking.
"He's James Kirk," states Spock. The name is infamous for many reasons but it's mostly synonymous with the Nero incident. That warning not only saved Spock and the rest of the crew of the Enterprise but the lives of every Vulcan that managed to flee the planet before it was destroyed. Spock never had the honour of meeting the Troubadour survivors, being recalled by Starfleet before the Enterprise was sent on the rescue mission. It never occurred to him that he was in the presence of Jim Kirk, whom had essentially disappeared a couple of years after the rescue.
Leonard nods. His mouth goes dry and he struggles to swallow. He lives his life by not thinking about it; once was more than enough. Jim on the other hand has no choice but to relieve it- often. "I understand if you want to terminate our agreement and find yourself a new CMO. I can't promise this won't happen again."
Spock's not sure if he'll regret it or not but he decides to take a leap of faith Captain Pike so often spoke. "You may stay."
"Spock, what is it this time?" asks Pike with fake irritation. He'd much rather deal with ship's business than deciding what beach activity to wander through but Spock doesn't need to know that. Retirement loses its lustre once you realize the vacation is permanent and not just a vacation.
"You knew Jim McCoy was actually James Kirk," accuses Spock.
A small smile plays at Pike's lips. "I was beginning to think you were slipping."
"Why the deception?" Spock can't make the best decisions if he doesn't have all the available facts.
"Starfleet command thought it was in the best interest of the survivors to keep their names and faces out the press. Give them some privacy after. And there was no guarantee they were going to stay in service. In fact, I think McCoy and one other are the only ones serving. Kirk's name got out because he was already the son of a hero, and people wanted a hero after all that death. They gave him command of the USS Michigan to perpetuate the fairy tale of the golden boy and sent him on his way. We should have been paying more attention," says Pike sadly.
Spock followed the careers of those involved with as much interest as any officer. Captain Kirk held command of the Michigan for a year and then officially retired. Rumour and ship talk indicated he was court-martialled and dismissed by Starfleet. Seeing the pattern now, he can see how the service file of one James McCoy matches that of James T Kirk.
"After the incident on the Michigan, Starfleet decided it couldn't look the other way anymore even if he was the Federation's trophy. To save face they said he retired. His files were sealed and an alternate file using Jim McCoy was created. It was a mess but it was a mess we all created." There's something remorseful in Pike's voice, like he bears a portion of the responsibility mentioned. "If Jim is ever going to get the fresh start he deserves, he needs to be free of his own shadow."
"You believe I will make different decisions because I know it is him?"
"You're already re-calculating," accuses Pike.
"I told them they could stay," counters Spock, as though he's still capable of countering Pike's game.
"And what brought you to that conclusion?" asks Pike, sitting up a little straighter and looking more interested. Jim is messy human emotion incarnate, it would be easier to simply cut it out of the equation.
Spock thinks back to all the things he's heard from his senior staff and especially Uhura. Spock would be more than justified to revoke his deal with Dr McCoy but there's a strange element present that wasn't there before. He has seen improvement in his senior staff and it seems to start when they begin to interact with Leonard and Jim. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one."
Gamma shift is by its very nature, slow and quiet. There's minimal staff and the environmental setting are set to simulate evening. It's a good time for rookies to gain solo experience and season professionals like Christine to catch up on paper work. With only one patient in sickbay, there's just Nurse Chapel, Nurse Philips and Dr Zeal on staff this shift. Philips is on lunch and Zeal's holding up in his office all night except for his scheduled check in on the patient, so Chapel is very alone as she putters around restocking for alpha shift.
She heads to bay five to do a vitals check on McCoy and nearly drops her PADD in shock. McCoy isn't alone. She doesn't know when Jim managed to sneak into sickbay but he's sitting next to McCoy's biobed holding his hand and carrying a quiet one side conversation while McCoy sleeps.
Chapel stands there quietly.
"Sorry I haven't been to see you until now. But you know how well I deal with this," says Jim, gently stroking his thumb across McCoy's knuckles. "You'll be happy to know, your pain in the ass friends are looking after me. Sulu's feeding and watering me and I'm sure he'd take me for a walk if he could. Scotty thinks he's pretty clever, like I didn't find his subroutine to monitor my vitals in quarters. And Uhura's a real pain. She keeps stopping by and giving me updates even though I locked her out. So you don't have to worry about me, just worry about you."
Jim lowers his head to rest it on Leonard's shoulder, careful of all the bandages and sensors. It's not comfortable but the steady reassuring beat of Leonard's heart lulls him into a light sleep for the first time in five days; enforced nap from a certain Vulcan notwithstanding.
Standing in front of McCoy's door waiting, is becoming an undesired habit. Spock is just about to leave when the door finally opens. Jim stands there leaning against the door frame, looking rather unkempt in clothes that are so loose on him. Spock suspects they don't belong to him.
"You're not Scotty," accuses Jim.
"I am not," agrees Spock. He stands there under Jim's intense glare.
"Are you here in an official capacity?" hedges Jim, crossing his arms.
"No. I am here of my own volition."
Jim stands up a little straighter, emphasising the tense lines of his body. "Are you looking for some kind of apology? Because you nerve pinched me."
The already defensive nature of the conversation is making Spock reconsider his visit. "Apologies are a human sentiment. Should events have required one, I assure I would not find it necessary."
"You wouldn't find it necessary to give one, or to receive one?" asks Jim, to be especially annoying. The guy nerve pinched him after all. It was hardly a fair move. Spock raises an eyebrow. "What's in the case?" asks Jim.
"I thought we could play chess this evening if you were amendable to the idea. If you are not instructed in the game, I could teach you."
Jim chews on his bottom lip as he considers the offer. "Drew the short straw on babysitting duty?"
"I assure you, there were no straws drawn."
Jim uncrosses his arms, shaking his head. "Can't say no to a captain." He heads to the living room leaving Spock to follow after.
Spock follows. Jim stands protectively in the middle of the living room which is decorated in a manner Spock is unaccustomed to. The human home he's most familiar with is Uhura's. During the course of their relationship, they would often have meals with her human friends not affiliated with Starfleet. None of those dwellings chose to have a tent like structure made of blankets at their center. It seems an odd choice since the quarters do have a bedroom.
"You can set up in the dining room," instructs Jim, waiting until Spock has left the living room before following.
Spock begins unpacking the board and assembling the pieces. Jim waits at the opposite end of the table until Spock has finished and sat down. It doesn't go unnoticed that Jim seems both tense and strategically placing himself to sit where he has the most available exit options.
"Do you require..." starts Spock as Jim reaches over and moves his knight in a bold and aggressive opening gambit.
"Your move," replies Jim.
Spock tips his head. Clearly no instruction will be necessary.
The game goes on for two hours, which is almost twice as long as most humans Spock plays. There's a recklessness to Jim's game that makes Spock work twice as hard to find the logic to. While they do not speak of anything other than the game when what few words they exchange are uttered, the evening doesn't seem unpleasant. For his part, Jim doesn't exactly relax through the evening but as Spock goes to leave for the night asks, "When are we playing again?"
Spock will take that as a win and an invitation to play again next week.
It's late and Uhura's plagued with a tiredness she hasn't been able to shake since the away mission. Normally she doesn't take to wandering the ship at night but she's desperate for a change of scenery. It's the shadow sitting in front of the observation deck window that catches her eye. It's a pretty distinct shadow, what with the cane and all. Jim's probably awake for the same reason. Misery loves company, so she ventures over and sits down beside him.
He gives her a small smile, nothing more. They sit there, silently watching the universe fly by. It's oddly comforting- being alone together. The silence and darkness of existence, somehow manageable with her knee bumping someone else's.
"We couldn't see the stars on Nero's ship," whispers Jim.
Uhura looks over at Jim, but he keeps his eyes on the window. He looks small and fragile. She's never given it much thought, what it must have been like. Technically it could happen to any of them at any time but it probably won't and that seems to be all the comfort she needs to continue to do her job.
"It's funny how something so trivial can be so important. It's hard to mark the passage of time without some sign that the world exists. It's even harder to tell if you're still alive. That's how I first knew we were rescued. My room in medical on Starbase Nine had a window. I looked out and I knew it was over. I can remember as a kid lying out in the fields at night just looking up at the stars and feeling like my dad was up there, looking out for me. The stars make me feel like I'm not alone. And I know if I'm going to die, I die alone," explains Jim. "There are no stars in hell."
Jim looks down when he feels Uhura's hand settle on his knee. She's on his bad side, which would normally make him skittish but somehow feels okay.
"They broke my leg when I sent that first distress call. Not because they knew I was the one that sent it, but just on principle. Someone had sent a message and they were going to find out who one way or another. It broke in two spots when Ayel stomped on it. The worse part, they wouldn't let Bones do anything for it other than splint it. He tried his best but the damn thing healed wrong, hence the cane." Jim hefts the afore mentioned object in his hand. "The surgeries to try and fix it properly were going to be too extensive and I wasn't that keen on something completely artificial."
"I'm sorry."
"I had to break out of our cell to send the message and hopefully get back before they noticed or they would have punished everyone else. On my way back, there was this second ship left unguarded I could have escaped on. Could have just got the hell out of there. And who knows, maybe things would have turned out better for everyone. I just couldn't leave him there. What if I lose him now?"
"He's going to make it," assures Uhura. Leonard's not totally in the clear but every day is step in the right direction.
"This time. What about next time?"
Uhura doesn't have an answer for that. None of them know what's coming or when their bill will come due.
"I filed for separation," reveals Jim, like a dirty secret. "After the whole Michigan thing and getting court-martialled. Did he tell you that?"
She shakes her head. Leonard never mentioned anything other than him leaving Jim briefly.
"Bones put everything on hold while I was recovering. He made his career decisions based on what I wanted and then he gave it all up when they took it away from me. His whole life became about accommodating me and taking nothing for himself. I was an excuse so I thought if I removed that excuse, maybe he could have his life back because he deserves to be here. Just telling a wild animal it's free doesn't work so I drove him to the middle of the woods and left him there in the form of a legal separation."
Suddenly things make a little more sense. "That's why you're listed as a dependant and not his spouse."
"Medically looking out for me, but blocked from legally being recognized as my husband. I thought it was a big enough push. I was right. He finally left. And then this," says Jim, rolling up his sleeve to reveal his long jagged scar, "undid all that work and Bones came running right back. If he died now he wouldn't be my legal husband and I would give anything to change that fact."
"There's always time to fix that," she assures.
"I can't put Bones through that again. And there's no guarantee he wants it undone."
For the very first time, Uhura catches a glimpse of just what Leonard's become so infatuated with. "Nyota. My first name is Nyota."
"I know," says Jim with a soft laugh. "Found out years ago."
"Then why?"
"I like the game. I like that you still treat me like I'm me."