Hey all! So if you DID NOT read the last chapter, all you need to know is, Lucas confessed his love to Wolfram in his bedroom, Wolfram was drunk and it was dark in his room/ only lite by moonlight again. Wolfram said he didn't love him back, Lucas forced a kiss, Wolf hurt his head, Yuuri was outside of the door, as at night since Wolf had left, he had been finding himself wondering to Wolf's door, he heard the yelling, came to Wolf's rescue. Lucas got put under-arrest, Wolf passed out, Conrad, Gwendal & Gunter came in, startled by the news. Yuuri took Wolfram's hand and sat in a chair besides his bed for the night. The men were questioning in their minds how one-sided their relationship really was, as they were surprised about how caring and concerned Yuuri was being. That is pretty much it:P
Now this chapter (DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS, ONLY READ IF YOU ARE CONCERNED & NOT SURE IF YOU SHOULD READ THIS OR NOT):I have really just explored the feeling of betrayal, feeling dirty and self-blame a little, I don't repeat anything graphic. It is mostly Wolf coming to the realisation that how he acted towards Yuuri, could also be considered similar to what happened to him. Him feeling guilty about it, then when Yuuri comes to comfort him, he gets defensive & pushes Yuuri away again. I just thought I would say something just in case anyone didn't want to read anything in relation to anything unsettling. I don't like to put anything in for 'shock factor', I only ever write anything like this to explore feelings, frustrations and beliefs. He has, irrational, self-petty and self-blame beliefs in here. But, he will grow out of them & learn to think better of himself, I promise :) I break a character down only to re-build them & make them stronger.

Reply to reviews:

Guest (1): No worries! I know there have been a few times when I have read a chapter of a horrible assault that I really wish I didn't. So, I didn't want anyone experiencing that. Even though it was mild and he never got, um, you know, I still didn't want to trick you guys into reading it. I don't believe in being cruel to characters unless you have a good enough reason. I was never going to have a scene like that, but it works really well for the story I want to tell. Hopefully once I finish you can see where I was going with it all:) I will try not to spoil anymore! haha Anyways, thanks for review and letting me know! I was feeling a little silly for the warning, but now I know that people were reading it and found it good, I am glad I did. :)
Yuriko: Thanks! And I agree with you! Yuuri should work harder for our Wolfie! haha Don't worry I will;) As the summary says, I am going to make Yuuri force Wolfram to get over himself and spend some time together:) But I am just making Yuuri desperate to be around Wolfram first, and Wolfram feeling frustrated for wanting to prove himself to Yuuri, himself and finding himself always being drawn back to the king! Thanks so much! That was a lovely review and I hope to hear from you soon:)
Guest (2): Naww I am sadden for them too! I am glad I am reaching you with this story...if that makes sense? haha But I hope in the next few chapters I can make you feel better about them too:) Thanks for your review! I hope to hear from you again:)
kkmbigfan1: hahaha laughing so much at that joke! I loved it! :) And I hope this time around it wasn't as much of a wait! I agree with you, thanks for your review again! This is another first person, but there won't be too many of these. Hope to hear from you again:)
SweetHeaven: Haha don't say sorry, I loved it! And I meant, I read it, it is just, I might not have replied to everything, but dw, I read it all and enjoyed it! :) So basically you read my mind and predicted a lot... maybe I made it obvious, but I have some twists coming ahead so hopefully I can surprise you here and there haha
I feel that we are very much on the same wave-length for what I like to see in these characters! I am glad you enjoyed Yuuri being sweet and protective. And I agree, I like it better when it is him and not always his other self.. also because I figured now he would have more control over his powers, that the difference between both selves would almost be gone? If that makes any sense? A lot of other stories do that I noticed, and I really like that concept, so I am kind of going for that. Although he did almost turn, but stopped when he heard Wolf telling him no. Yeah I agree too! I am sadden for them too, I guess, sometimes others see something in yourself before you see it. That is kind of what I am going for:P Really the story is writing itself haha Thanks again! I look forward to talking again:)

Chapter 6: The Aftertaste of Poison

Morning: Wolfram's POV

Argh, what is that pounding? Why does my head hurt? My mouth feels dry, my eyes heavy with sleep, my stomach empty, but my hand is warm. Only one feels warm, strange and enclosed, as if someone is holding it…wait a minute. Prying open my eyes, the light shines in through the curtains blurring my vision, but as my world stirs into focus I see a bundle of black hair resting upon the side of my bed. My heart strains as my eyes follow the strange sight before me. What is he doing here? He is half off a wooden seat next to my bed, with the other half of his body lying upon the bed beside me. It looks extremely uncomfortable, yet he seems to be at peace. Only he could be comfortable like that. But why is the wimp here?

My whole body has become stiff, if I move perhaps he would wake and then what? Should I go back to sleep? Should I pretend that this doesn't burn through lost emotions within me?

Looking around the room it feels so strange, no one else is around; this is hardly appropriate for the Moau. But then again, it is not like 'proper' ever stopped Yuuri from doing what he wants to do. So typical of a pathetic wimp like him.

The room is just as it has always been; a room too big for just one. The walls so high that when I was younger I remember trying to work out how many chairs it would take for me to climb to reach the top. I had decided four, but when I had tried to do it, I fell off, breaking my arm, Mother was not pleased. This room, filled with items I have gathered since childhood, items like that toy solider Conrad gave me, the teddy bear Gwendel made, the painting Mother bought me, and my books, my precious books filled with sketches that still lie hiding under my dresser table beside the door. Sketches filled with landscapes, dreams and nightmares that I haven't shared with anyone. This room that has always been mine since Mother brought us here all those years ago. A room that I would play alone in. A room not fit for the someone who is placed beside me. Why is he here?

That someone gently holding my hand. My hand that doesn't feel like my own. I should move, I shouldn't be touched like this; I don't deserve to be cared for like this. Yet his hand is so warm, his presence feels so warm, so calming. That pull within him is present, the pull that makes me feel grounded. I know if I linger near it I won't be able to escape it, as it is like gravity. I did once, but to do it again seems impossible; seems more like torture.

But I have to. I don't deserve this. I can't stay here. Why am I here? Why is he?

Slowly flashes of last night haunt me. My eyes drift to that spot on the ground, the spot that makes my chest heavy, my head hurt and my eyes burry. My lips burn with poison from the memory of the invasion of space. What happened? Was he really going to… no, he wouldn't. He is my friend, he wouldn't do that to me… but then I remember his confession, that jealous rage inside of him hiding behind those eyes, the look that reminded me of my own pain from my own desires. Is that what I looked like? Is that what I looked like when I confronted Yuuri?

Yuuri. As my eyes drift back to that bundle of hair besides me, I remember my chest feeling lighter as he pushed Lucas off me. My cheek buzzes from the memory of warmth cupping my cheek before-nothing. Next I remember waking up. Was that him?

After everything I have done, everything I have done to him, he still cares for me. He cares for anyone and everything in this kingdom and beyond. How can one's heart be so big? How does he not tire of it? Tire of people disappointing him. How does he not close off his heart like I do? He should protect himself better before someone takes advantage of it.

My lips burn, my chest feels like lead, my skin tainted from greedy hands. My skin crawls as if there are thousands of tiny bugs treading under it. The bed sheets that once felt like a comfort barrier now trap me, holding me down, limiting my movements. My chest grows tighter, my breath trembling as I replay last night over and over again. If there weren't Yuuri beside me, maybe I would think it was just a bad dream, but I know better. Yuuri wouldn't be sleeping beside me if something didn't happen. His heart is big, but not so big that he could sleep next to me for no reason.

I need out. I need out before tears fill me, before my lungs expand and sound exits my throat waking up the man. What would I do if he wakes? I don't want him to see me like this; I don't want anyone to see me. Not ever.

How did this happen? How could I be so stupid?

Wiggling my fingers from his grasp I regain control over my body. Air feels my lungs and the warmth escapes me as I slide from the spot next to him. My eyes like glue, never moving from him to watch for any movement. Panic inside me as I watch, I don't want him to wake. I can't face him, not now, perhaps, not ever.

I feel dirty. I don't feel like myself anymore. How can anyone see me like this? The strong smell of wine unsettles my stomach more, why did I drink so much? Why did I let myself loose, let my guard down?

A bath. I will take a bath, let the water cleanse me of my sins. Let it wash away the memories of the friend who betrayed me. Why did he betray me?

The cold from the stone floor reaches my feet; it reminds me of the stone pillar behind my back as Lucas pushed me into the corner. It reminds me of the cold floor as his hands and body pinned me down. How could he do that? How could he betray my trust?

There is no dirt on my skin, yet the need to wash has never been this strong.

Dirty. I need this to go away. My feet move silently towards the door and out of the room. My eyes only know the ground; desperately hoping that I don't pass anyone on the way to my destination. Praying that I don't have to see anyone who could tear through my mind and bring me to tears with memories I do not wish to share.

My ears tingle listening for sounds, but all I hear are creaks from the floor boards as I walk across them. This corridor feels endless. Was it always so far away from my room? I am lucky. Reaching my destination, I peak through the door making sure that no one else is around before I sneak in and close myself off. It's a big bath, in even a larger room. The bath larger than a pool, shaped as river in-between great Greek pillars. The room is filled with steam creating a peaceful atmosphere. Normally a public bath would not bother me, but this morning the thought of running into anyone frightens me.

My body. The body formed with muscles that have developed from training over many years once held pride, but now, all I wish to do is hide it and myself. My eyes travel the big bath, searching for a spot I could hide within the steam and sink beneath its warmth. Somewhere with a ledge to rest my head would be a bonus. Like a baby bird calls to its mother, sleep beckons me to return. It seems as if I haven't slept in years, yet, I doubt sleep would bless me with happy dreams anytime soon, so the thought of sleeping seems more painful than restful.

The light in the room reminds me of moonlight. Soft blues and whites surround me, making me feel as if I could blend within the haze. It reminds me of times when the moonlight would bring me great peace. Where I felt so small, alone, and calm. Yet now it brings memories of someone in the shadows, of betrayal and terror. It all happened so fast yet, now I doubt the strain of that night will ever leave my peaceful memories of white and blue moonlight. Now where will I get my peace? Why did he have to betray me at that time? If it was meant to happen to me why did it have to happen then? Can't the world give me anything? I left the kingdom for the peace of our Moau, I left to try to be a better person, a better man, yet now, it seems the world has decided that I am not allowed to leave my past sins, I am not allowed any peace or happiness. I am not even allowed happy memories of the simple pleasure of the moonlight.

Staring at the soft ripples of the bath, I wonder how long I have been standing here. My body feels dense, it feels as if I have lost all control of it and now it is just a doll. Why does my soul have to be trapped here? Trapped in this tainted form. I can't hide within this form anymore. Looking down at my pink nightgown I feel strange, I don't remember putting this on. Did Yuuri change me out of those clothes? No. He wouldn't do that. Sure he was holding my hand, but he wouldn't want to touch me enough to change me, the pathetic wimp would be embarrassed. Maybe it was the maids, yes, that makes sense. This isn't the first time I have been in a state where I have awoken changed and bandaged up. This isn't the first time. But it feels like it is. I am not even hurt badly, yet I feel as though I won't be able to heal from these wounds.

My body trembles as I clasp the string under my neck and release the bow that secures the gown. Slowly I strip the clothing off me, including my underclothes until I am nothing but skin. My feet move to the towels next, I automatically pick a fluffy white towel and hold it to my chest, the arms to this body don't feel strong enough to carry it, but somehow I seem to manage. Staring down at the ground I walk until I reach the water, I watch as the foot beneath me reaches out and slides into the clear liquid. It's warm, but I still feel numb. Soon my body is immersed within the water and without much sound I move to the middle corner of the bath. There is a small spot where I can hide next to a pillar and rest my head on the ledge. If anyone comes in there is a chance I won't be noticed,-; even if I am, hopefully it would seem like an inconvenience to disturb me, the steam would surely hide who I am, so it would be unlikely anyone would be willing to risk disturbing a stranger. Well, that is the plan anyway.

As I settle into the water, my eyelids close off the world. Turning my back to the room I place the towel on the ledge and cross my arms on it to rest my head. The water around me splashes, moves with a will of its own. It is a bizarre thought that, whether someone is here or not, the water will still run, it will still be warm and still just be. I don't know what I am thinking, but it is strangely calming. It is better than thinking about…thinking about why my breathing is so unsteady.

My thoughts drag me into a world I don't want to be in, but I can't escape; a cold reality that I can no longer control. Movement within the water around me sets my ears on alert. My body sinks a little more in the hopes to stay hidden, and alone.

But the sound grows louder and before I have a chance to move I play dead, as I feel a presence beside me. Maybe if I stay still they won't try to talk to me. Just stay still, still and quiet.

My heart beats, it beats too fast.

"Wolf, there you are. You should have woken me; I would have come with you. Wolfram?"

Yuuri. Why did it have to be him of all people? But then again, of course it is, who else would it be? He is too nosy to just let anyone be. Too stupid to use common sense, or perhaps he just chooses to ignore it.

I don't reply. Perhaps he will get angry and will leave. Perhaps he will give up.

"Are you okay?"

Water splashes as he moves closer to me, reacting my muscles tense; I always seem to be hyper-aware of his presence. Why body? Why can't you just give me a break this once?

Why can't he just leave me be.

"Wolf…?" His voice is so soft, so gentle. Has he always been like this? Sure, he has always been caring, but this caring towards me feels odd. It feels wrong, because I don't deserve it.

A spark ripples through me as I feel his gentle fingers reach my shoulder. Damn, he isn't taking the hint, or, he just doesn't accept it.

"I-I'm fine." Flinching from his touch I sink my fingers into the towel. Why did my voice have to crack?

"Oh, good, you're alive. I was getting worried there for a minute that you fell asleep or passed out. You know how dangerous that can be in water…" His voice is still soft. Still so gentle as he tries to pass a joke.

My skin still burns. I still don't feel clean, I still feel greedy hands clinging to skin that doesn't belong to them. I want to hide it. Hide this body that did nothing but lie helpless on the ground. It burns as I feel eyes of a man I don't want seeing me. Eyes that don't know when to look away. Eyes that only see truth and kindness. Those eyes don't deserve to be pained with the invisible scars of this body that burns with sins.

Minutes pass and I think that perhaps it isn't so bad to be sitting in silence with the man next to me. As long as it stays silent, perhaps I could pretend that he doesn't see me, perhaps I could pretend he isn't aware of the heavy breathing that escapes my lips.

Suddenly my body jumps, and without permission a squeak forces its way out of me. Warm hands tighten on my shoulders, it wasn't something I expected, but I don't move my face from its spot in the cracks of my arms.

"Sorry, I startled you."

"Um, it's fine…" No, it's not, why did I say that?

Thumbs draw circles between the blades of my shoulders. Small spikes start tickling through my body.

Barely a whisper, I speak, "What are you doing Yuuri?"

He doesn't stop, instead he moves his hands to run down my back, pushing and twisting muscles that seem unwilling to relax.

"Well, you won't talk, so I thought I would massage your back…I mean, it always helps me when I am feeling down in the dumps… and you used to do this for me all the time. I think,- it is the least I could do."

Oh, right, yeah, I guess I did used to do that, didn't I. But never in a million years did I think he would do the same. He took so long to get used to my touch, he gets so awkward from any sort of contact, yet it is strange, his hands don't seem frightened of me anymore. Maybe he is maturing. Whatever, he is still a pathetic wimp. He should just leave me alone.

Without my will my body seems to respond to his touch. Slowly he breaks down the tension in my muscles; I didn't realise how bad it was until now. His hands seem to warm me up like they did when he held my hand, but why, how is that possible?

Using a sponge he washes away the dirt and memory of last night. I picture him scrubbing away the top layer of skin with ease, leaving behind a fresh, cleaner layer. How is it so easy for him to do that? Why does it have to be him that makes me feel this way? I don't want to feel better; yet, I don't want to move away from his touch all the same. It is the peace I have been craving for so long, the peace I so desperately desire. Something that can keep me whole and break me down all at the same time. How, why, is that possible?

I can't take it. His hands suddenly stop as I lift my head and turn slightly to face him. My head still low, my shoulder still hanging from me, I speak,

"You don't have to do that."

Black eyes boldly meet mine.

Aww what is with that face of his? Don't look at me like that! Like you understand.

A hand reaches out to me, and before I know it, warmth hugs my cheek once again; so, it was him that I felt.

"Wolfram…" His voice, so soft, so gentle, filled with sympathy. A thumb wipes salty water beneath my eyes. Was I crying? Have I been crying this whole time?

Tears falling I am suddenly aware that I am more exposed than I had thought.

Avoiding eye contact I shove my face back into the sanctuary of my arms. The world seems better when it is covered in darkness. There is no reason to see that look closer, to see the pain behind those eyes that I know I am responsible for.

His hand tightens around my left shoulder as if he owns it. As if touching me like this is something natural of us. But it's not. It never has been and I doubt it ever will be. So why does he think he has a right to try and comfort me now? Can't he see that it pains me more for him to see me like this?

"Wolfram, don't hide, it's okay. Listen, I know that things between us have been strained… I think it is fair to stay we have had a bit of a strange start, but as far as I am concerned you're still one of my closest friends. So, if you want to talk then I am willing to give an ear…"

Strained… that's an understatement don't you think Yuuri? Still always the optimist I see.

"It's fine." My voice is faint, weak. Speaking seems to feel like more trouble than it's worth.

"You know, it is okay to let someone in. It's okay to be worried about and fussed over; you don't have to keep everyone at arm's length. Life is easier when you allow yourself to lean on people and they can lean on you too…. I know, I might not be the person you want to hear that from now… but if not me, then please, let someone else in. If you open your eyes you will see that you have so many around you already caring for you. Your brothers for one, may be just as… guarded as you when it comes to these things, but you can see that they really do wish to be there for you too. They may not admit it out loud, but you being gone has really put a damper on everyone's lives…. Wolfram? Are you listening?"

His voice, still so soft, so gentle. It makes me sick, how can he be so nice?

"Huh… I let Lucas in, then he betrayed me. He was one of my oldest friends. Sometimes life works better on your own, Yuuri. I don't expect you to understand."

My voice, it is so weak, yet too bitter. Why did I even say that?

"Wolf… I'm so sorry… But I still believe that if you just let us in, we can help."

He is exhausting, relentless. How does he not understand? How does he not see that I'm no different from that monster. I am that monster.

My skin burns from his touch. He doesn't loosen his grip, doesn't let go. Why can't he leave me be? Irritation boils within me. I can feel it turning into an uncontrollable rage, a rage I don't want to let loose, yet before I know it my lips are moving and sound is leaving my mouth.

"I started to think… Lucas and I aren't that much different when it comes down to it."

"What?"

"I mean, I know I would never go as far as to…force myself onto to someone psychically, well fully. But, I did violate space that I didn't fully understand until last night. That even forcing a kiss onto someone else can be… can be crossing a major line. I, myself, am guilty of that. And yet, that person sits here telling me to let them care for me? Like I am something deserving of their friendship, when I have crossed that line more than once."

As the words roll from me my voice raises.

"It isn't like that Wolfram. That isn't how I took any of that, it was different…"

His voice seems startled, did I hit a nerve? Did I embarrass him by reminding him of that night? Of that joke I called an engagement?

The rage within me stirs like a hungry animal wanting to attack and destroy all in its path. Pushing off his touch I turn to face him. No longer do tears blur my vision. Instead fury promises to destroy all delusions this boy once held of me.

"Different? Really, was it? Because I crawled into your bed thinking that it was okay because we were engaged. I didn't understand then that it was a joke. I should never have done that to someone I supposedly lov- cared for."

Silence stirs through the air, but all I hear are the voices of rage, irritation and self-pity egging me on.

"No! I mean sure, maybe at the start it was a bit uncomfortable, but I got used to it, I didn't mind really-"

"No, you got compliant. I wore you down. If you truly love someone you should never want them to become compliant, to just give in and give up! Love shouldn't be something you surrender yourself to, it should be something that you desire, then rely on to keep you moving. It isn't something that you can force onto someone else. How do you not see that? Surely some part of you is mad? What I did, I feel sick to my stomach. I can barely look at my own reflection anymore."

It's true. I'm a monster, how can I live with myself? My lips still burn from Lucas's touch, and only now I realise that I have already placed my poison onto the person I supposedly loved. I'm no different.

"Wolfram… it wasn't like that…"

"Then what was it like then? Please tell me. Because the way I see it, there is no difference. Whether it be a big violation of trust or a small one, Lucas and I are both guilty of it, therefore maybe that is all I deserve. You're the only one who thinks everyone deserves a happy ending. You're the only one who believes everyone deserves to be trusted. You can't even see the monster that lies right in front of you."

My voice is so cold, still so in control even though I feel tears wanting to reclaim their place sliding down my checks. They will not pass. I will not let them until I am out of sight; he can't see me like that again. Please not again.

His face is shocked, his eyes almost frightened. Did I do it? Did I finally manage to push him away this time?

My hand reaches behind me to grab my towel and I stand up. My body moves towards the closest ledge to exit. My eyes glance back once more to see a broken boy lost in thought. His mouth hangs open as his eyes move to reach mine.

It hurts to watch hope vanish from those perfect black eyes. Once again I am responsible for tearing ones world apart. He doesn't understand me; I doubt he ever will. And that, I know, breaks him.

His heart is so big, too big. He is the type of person who believes the best in people, who believes that everything can be fixed by talking it out. But some day he has to grow up. Of course it has to be me to break his delusion, for I'm a monster who does nothing but ruin others' happy dreams.

"Wolfram, I really don't see you like that. I don't believe that at all."

As my eyes linger I notice more figures in the waters hidden behind the fog. They appear to be stiff, probably trying to hide from me. Figures, wherever His Majesty goes so do those losers. They probably heard everything; great. Oh well, may as well keep digging my grave.

"Somethings are beyond even your capability to fix Yuuri. Just let it go, let me go. It will be easier on everyone if you let me slide away again. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, you don't have to say a word."

You really are a pathetic wimp you know. I have to go. Can't you see that?

"No. I don't believe that…You don't honesty believe that, do you?"

Making sure to raise my voice so that the figures further away can hear, I say, "Leave me alone. All of you."

"He saw us!"

"We probably should have seen that one coming."

Idiots, do they not realise I can hear them too?! At least now I know Gunter and Conrad got the message.

"Wolf…" His voice still so soft, still so gentle.

Feeling the cold stone floor once again beneath my feet, I wrap my towel around me and pick up the discarded nightgown.

I can hear foot steps behind me, but they never catch up. It seems that this time he might finally learn the skill of giving up.

Never looking back I hang my head and leave the room, leaving behind a thick haze of hopelessness.

So... thoughts? Review please! I always love hearing from you all:)