A/N: Sorry for the wait, but here we go! I struggled with a bit of writers block for a couple of my stories! Hopefully, it's cleared up now! =] Enjoy! Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading =]

CHAPTER 17

Alison stared wide eyed at the ceiling. Or she would have if she could see it in the pitch dark. She could feel her hands shaking. She closed her eyes but immediately opened them. She thought the nightmares had stopped. She was wrong.

"Em?" she whispered through the darkness. No answer.

She just wanted to feel safe. And the only thing that made her feel safe was the woman next to her.

"Em?" she placed a hand on her girlfriends shoulder and shook gently, "Please, wake up. I need you."

Emily came to slowly, her eyes opening in confusion and squinting through the dark.

"Ali? What's going on? Are you okay?" she asked, the sleep apparent in her voice.

"Sorry," Ali mumbled, looking guilty.

Emily tried to shake the sleep from her brain, "It's okay. Are you okay?" she repeated.

"Just more bad dreams," Alison murmured.

Emily pulled Alison close, "You're safe now," she whispered.

"I don't know how you're so… together, Em," Alison sighed, "You went through so much more than me…with A… but I'm the one having these stupid nightmares about that stupid figure in a black hoodie."

"I have dreams sometimes too," Emily admitted, "You're not the only one with too much pride to admit it."

Alison frowned, "You've never told me that."

"I guess I thought if I didn't pay them any attention, they'd go away," Emily shrugged.

"And did they?" Alison asked.

Emily frowned, "Well… with time, they come less and less… but they've never totally gone away."

"Do you think they ever will?" Alison asked quietly.

Emily sighed, "I'm not sure, Ali," she answered honestly, "I guess it's different for all of us… we all deal in different ways. I try not to focus on it… but maybe you need to talk about it. You know I'll listen… or if you want to talk to a professional… or the other girls."

Alison looked into her girlfriends concerned eyes, "You guys should hate me," she said quietly, "It's my fault. It's all my fault. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me. I should never have become friends with you, I should have stayed alone then A wouldn't have had anyone to torture except me. I ruined years of your life and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that."

Emily cringed at the pain and self-loathing evident in her girlfriends' voice.

"Ali, you weren't responsible," Emily had said it a thousand times, hoping eventually Alison would believe it, "I can't imagine never having you in my life. You're my best friend and the love of my life and I'd go through it all again if I meant we would wind up here again… where it's over. And we're all safe."

Alison sighed, "Em, you're…" she stopped, looking at the woman beside her, "God, I'm lucky," she raised a hand to Emily's cheek, "The absolute luckiest," she pressed her lips to Emily's.

Emily smiled into the kiss before breaking away, "Whatever it takes, Ali, for you to deal with… everything, I'll do."

"Oh, Em," Alison whispered, "You already do so much. You make me feel safe. And not alone."

Emily kissed her cheek as the two lay back down, "You're never alone," she smiled, "You wanna stay up a while? Watch a movie or something?"

Alison nuzzled into Emily's chest, "Not really, can you just hold me until I fall asleep?" she whispered.

Emily smiled, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, "My pleasure," she murmured, "Just close your eyes. Remember I'm right here. You're safe. I'm not going anywhere."

Alison closed her eyes, thinking she was the luckiest girl in the world to have such a patient and caring girlfriend. Her hugs were so warm and protective. It was the safest place in the world. And that's why she fell asleep.

"You know… people always say that we went through more than Ali, but I don't know that that's true," Spencer said slowly, "It was just different. We went through all the … games. But Ali's whole life was torn apart too. She was in hiding for so long… her mum buried her alive… She was alone, Em. At least we all had each other… and then she comes back and we suspect her of being A and basically hand over to the cops… and – "

"I don't need the list, Spence," Emily sighed, "You're right. She went through her own hell and she went through it alone. I don't know how to make her feel safe."

"How does she make you feel safe?" Spencer asked.

Emily bit her lip and shrugged, "Just by being there," she answered quietly, "Feeling her arms around me, smelling her scent, knowing she loves me…"

"Then do the same for her," Spencer said simply.

Emily frowned, "What if it's not enough?"

"How about just asking her straight out what she needs?" Spencer suggested, "Maybe that's the easiest option."

"What if she doesn't know what she needs?"

"Then you hold her until you can figure it out together," Spencer smiled.

"I don't know," Alison whispered, "Sometimes I can forget for weeks at a time and then it just comes back…"

Emily kissed her cheek, "I love you, Ali."

"I love you too," Alison kissed her lips chastely, "I'm sorry I'm being such a downer."

"Don't apologise," Emily said quickly, "Don't ever apologise for feeling."

Alison smiled, "I'm so lucky," she whispered, running a hand through brunette hair, "You're so good to me."

Emily shrugged, "That's what I'm here for, Ali," she murmured, "You always make me feel better if I'm sick…or hungover or sad and that's what I'll do for you too."

Alison kissed her girlfriend softly before laying her head in Emily's lap, "Do you think it's karma? For me being such a bitch growing up?"

Emily placed a hand in her girlfriend's hair, "No," she answered, "I think it was just some psychopath treating us like shit. You've changed, Alison. So much."

"I'm still the same person though," Alison murmured.

"Of course," Emily rushed, "You've just grown up. Matured. More than made amends by helping us find A."

"I used to think I was… bad," Alison whispered, "Just born bad…"

Emily shook her head, "It's never too late to change your behaviour. I don't think you were ever bad. I think you were a bit… lost and scared. I think you didn't know how to express your emotions so you covered them up. Now you're still working on peeling all the layers off… It can't be easy."

Alison smiled, "You're so smart," she noted, "I think you're right. I'm just grateful as hell I have you, Em. I used to think it was weak to let people in but with you it's like this… connection. I don't want to know what you're feeling so I can use it against you… I want to know because what you feel I feel," she shook her head, "I can't explain it."

"I think I know what you mean," Emily bit her lip.

Alison sat up and crawled into Emily's lap, "You understand me better than anyone," she murmured.

"Well, you are very interesting," Emily whispered back, feeling Alison's hot breath on her neck as she began sucking and nipping causing Emily to moan.

Alison traced one hand down Emily's stomach, quickly undoing her belt.

"Someone's eager," Emily laughed.

"Sorry, too fast?" Alison smiled sheepishly.

Emily grinned, "Course not, you're just usually such a tease."

Alison's hand delved into Emily's underwear, "I know, I just… feel so close to you emotionally, I want to feel it physically too," she breathed against Emily's ear.

Emily gasped as Alison's fingers entered her, "I…"

"Shh," Alison chortled as she moved her fingers slowly, smiling as Emily's eyes begun fluttering. Alison pulled Emily's head into her chest as she twisted her fingers and felt her girlfriends hip buck into her palm. She gave her fingers one last twist and held Emily as she shook, running one hand through Emily's hair, "That's it," she murmured, "Ride it out, baby."

Emily withdrew from Alison's chest and smiled up at her lazily, "Mm, I love you."

Alison grinned, "I love you," she leant back on the couch and pulled Emily over her, "You're so beautiful."

"So are you," Emily replied, "Inside and out, Ali," she kissed Alison's lips and rested her forehead against Alison's, nuzzling their noses together before giggling and resting her body beside her girlfriend's. She traced a finger over Alison's back as the two stared lovingly into each other's eyes.