Happy Thanksgiving! I had a bit of trouble trying to think of a thanksigiving themed one so I thought I could do this. When in doubt, just use the show you were recently in. These next few months: Tis the season for AUs! Thanks and please review.

Disclaimer: I do not own this musical.

***Warning: this play/musical that I'm writing from is offensive and was written in the 1930s. Therefore all humor may be dry and offending. Also, sex jokes.

(Takes place in the 1930s right after the stock market crashed)

Samantha Manson (Reno Sweeney) - a goth turned nightclub singer

Elsa Winters (Hope Harcourt) - a beautiful debutante

Paulina Winters (Mrs. Harcourt) - her mother and a widow

Jack Frost and/or Jackson Overland (Lord Evelyn Oakleigh) - a wealthy Englishman with a really cheesy accent and no grasp of American culture

Dash Baxter (Elisha Whitney) - a googly-eyed tycoon

Danny Fenton (Billy Crocker) - his young assistant

Tucker Foley (Moonface Martin) - a hapless gangster, Public Enemy #13

Valerie Grey (Erma/Bonnie) - a free spirit that has a tendency to like the gangster life

It was morning and Dash Baxter found himself on a stool in a smoky Manhattan bar. Though the sun had risen an hour or so after he had arrived, you couldn't tell due to the dark tones of blacks, reds and dark browns that decorated the bar. Only a few other people occupied the bar. "You sure Fenton hasn't called," Baxter called to the redhead girl that was bartending as he downed his martini, "He was supposed to meet me a half hour ago."

"Another drink while you're waiting, Mr. Baxter?"

"Sorry, Anna. Seven's my limit."

"You sure?"

He sighed, "Okay, make it a double." Anna nodded and began preparing the drink, "I hear you're off to England, Mr. Baxter." He nodded, "Big stuff, Anna. The biggest." She set the drink down in front of him and began to dry a recently washed glass, "Business, huh?" He shook his head, "Henley Regatta. Boot the Yale boat home. Bulldog, bulldog bow wow wow Eli Yale!"

"Play ball!"

Baxter turned at the sound of a new voice to find a young man with raven hair and sky blue eyes. He wore a tailored suit and carried a bag. Dash furrowed his eyebrows, "Fenton! Where the hell have you been?! You're a half an hour late!" Danny just shrugged, "Relax, Boss, I've been taking care of business," he handed Dash a white envelope, "I've got your steamer ticket. English money. Train ticket up to Henley. And I picked up you're Yale sweater."

Dash downed his eighth drink, "What about my passport?"

Danny facepalmed, "Shit! Sorry Boss. I'll run down and pick it up and bring it to you on the boat."

"Dammit! I want you down on Wall Street as soon as I cast off-" Dash's voice suddenly lowered as he sunk back into his chair, "-to sell all my shares of Amalgamated Prestoleum." Danny furrowed his eyebrows, "But Boss, the firm's entire assets are tied up in Amalgamated." Dash leaned in and gestured for Danny to do the same. "I got a hot tip from Kwan Lee," Dash whispered, "Amalgamated is going to sink like the Titanic."

"You told me Kwan was a liar and a drunk."

Dash nodded, "He is. But he's a Yale man."

"One for the road sir?" Anna piped up, handing Dash a bottle of gin. Dash nodded in satisfaction and paid before leaving. As soon as he was gone, Danny turned to Anna, "Anybody call for me, Anna?" Anna nodded and took out a pad, reading names off of it, "Jennifer, Lauren, Quinn… two Quinns."

"How about an Elsa? Elsa Winters?" Danny asked hopefully. Anna looked through her pad, "Nope. But there was a lady who came in asking for you."

"She's wrong Danny. It was only me."

He whirled around to find a girl in a black day dress with black shoulder length hair and violet eyes that were lined with black eyeliner. His eyes widened in realization, "Sam! Oh, my God! We had a date-"

"That's okay. I'd say forget it but," she patted his shoulder as she walked to the bar, "you already did." Danny followed her as she sat on a stool, "Sam, I'm so sorry. My boss is going to London. I had to do a thousand things for him." She gave him a cold stare, "I'm going to London. All you had to do for me was buy me a drink." Anna stepped up, "What'll it be?"

"A martini - only make it with rye and put an olive in it instead of a cherry."

Danny sighed and slumped into a stool, "Two manhattans, Anna." Sam studied him closely before speaking again, "You know, I'm getting worried about you, Danny. I'm not sure this Wall Street job is good for you." He looked at her defensively, "Hey, I'm making thirty-five dollars a week!"

She shrugged, "Yeah, but look at you. Look at your coat."

"What's wrong with my coat?" he asked with an exasperated sigh.

"It's got a fried egg on the pocket."

"That's an old school crest."

"From where? Casper High? You're in trouble, kid. If you keep acting like you belong on Wall Street, you'll never be able to leave."

He sighed and propped his elbows on the bar, running his fingers through his hair, "Why do I put up with this, Anna?" She elbowed him lightly, "You're nuts about me. In fact, I've got a great idea. Why don't you come to London with me?"

"Sam-"

"We'll do the town up right. Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, the bushes in Hyde Park."

"Sam, be serious."

"I am serious. Come with me, Danny. England won't be the same without you."

He shook his head, "Guys like me are a dime a dozen. You won't miss me over there."

"Why are the cute ones always so dumb?" she muttered to herself with a sigh. Danny sat there twiddling his thumbs until he took a deep breath and spoke again, "Aw hell, Sam, there's something I've got to tell you." She looked up, "Yeah?"

"I'm in love."

"I'm in cabin thirteen. Meet me right after we sail," Sam answered with a small smirk. Danny shook his head, "Come on Sam not with you. I'm in love with a girl." She let out another sigh as the smirk melted off her face and he began to ramble on, "God, she's fantastic! She's so fantastic she won't even talk to me! That's why I can't go to London. I've got to stay here and-"

"So that's it, huh?" Sam asked standing up, "All this time you were just giving me the run around."

"The run around?"

"You had me thinking you wanted to marry me!"

Danny stopped and paused for a moment, "How could could you think that? I always treated you with respect."

"Exactly. Did you ever try the get me drunk? No. Did you ever ask me up to your apartment to look at your etchings? No. We've been in a taxi dozens of times and did you ever once grope? No. Not one lousy grope. You shouldn't have led me on like that if you didn't mean it!"

"Sam, I never meant to mislead you-"

"The hell you didn't! You've never even laid a hand on me and I'm not used to men treating me like that."

"Excuse me, Captain," Danny huffed as he ran up to the Captain of the Grey Ghost, "Has a Mr. Dash Baxter come aboard?"

The Captain nodded, "Mr. Baxter is in the bar."

"I thought you kept the bar closed until you sailed."

"He had a note from his doctor." Danny rolled his eyes and ran towards the bar, passport in hand. The deck of the Grey Ghost was filled with passengers later that day as seagulls flew overhead and a clear sky promised smooth sailing.

"Captain! Captain!" the Captain turned to find a very panicked looking Purser. "Captain! A catastrophe! We may have to delay the sailing!" The Captain looked around frantically, "What is it? Icebergs? A hurricane?" The Purser shook his head, "Worse! Charlie Chaplin just wired. He's canceling his berth and sailing on the Mauretania." The Captain's eyes widened, "Good God! The passenger list! Quick!" The Purser handed it to him and he flipped through it furiously, "Elsa Winters, the debutante - that's not bad."

"The Normandie had Jimmy Walker and Machine Gun Kelly, " the Purser argued.

"Lord Jackson Overland -"

"Nothing. Wealthy Englishman."

The Captain stopped when he read a certain name, "Wait a minute. Benjamin Franklin!"

"It's not the same one," the Purser sighed.

"Then we've got nobody! Quick, run down to the Stork Club and see if anyone's left over from last night."

The Purser nodded, "Aye, aye, sir." He rushed off to do as the captain said. "Hey Captain, where's all the celebrities?" The Captain jumped when he heard the New York accent of a News Reporter, "This tub is deader then the Flying Dutchman." He turned to greet the small party of paparazzi, " Fellows please."

"Hey, look! Elsa Winters!" one of the reporters shouted as they ran to the gangplank to meet her. "Miss Winters," one asked, stopping the small party of people, "you presiding at the Gold and Silver Ball this year? How about the Newport Cotillion?" The girl they spoke to smiled at them. Her hair was done up in a tight bun and she wore a long teal and black dress. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, her mother butted in. "Gentlemen," Paulina interrupted, "my daughter's debutante days are over. She's about to be married." The new reporters groaned collectively.

"Married?!"

"Come on!"

"Yes it's true," Elsa smiled politely, "I'm marrying Lord Jackson Overland." The reporters then noticed the man that had her by the arm. He was tall and handsome with spiky brown hair and brown eyes. He smiled at them and spoke in a thick accent, "Ello!" Elsa looked back at the reporters, "We're going to be married aboard ship, and I'm very very happy."

"Hey, Jackie, or whatever your name is, how bout a smooch?" the photographer asked.

Jackson furrowed his eyebrows, "I beg your pardon." Elsa whispered to him, "That's a kiss, darling." Jackson's eyes widened and his cheesy British voice grew louder, "No! How marvelous! You know, I'm making a collection of the expressions you Americans use." He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a small notepad and a pen. He flipped it open and began to write, "A smooch is a kiss." He closed it and tucked it back into his pocket before turning to her with and excited look on his face. "I say, love, how about a smooch?" Elsa smiled kindly at him and offered him her cheek. He place a light peck on it that lasted long enough for the photographer to snap a picture.

"Egad! Paulina Winters!"

Elsa watched as her mother turned to greet a tall blonde man with glasses. "Dash Baxter! I see you haven't changed in forty years."

"Me? Look at you! … You always did know how to fill a girdle."

"Dash, really! You might have some respect for the memory of my late husband." Dash nodded, "Yes of course. You know, if it's any consolation, I was just coming out of the Stock Exchange when he took off from that ledge," Dash paused and looked out into the distance, "He jumped like a Yale man." Paulina nodded and put her hand on his shoulder, "Thank you, Dash."

Danny then chose that moment to enter from the bar taking his place behind Dash but not going unnoticed. "Oh my God!" Elsa gasped when she saw him, their eyes locking for a second. Paulina gestured to Elsa, "Dash, you know my daughter, Elsa. And this is her fiance, Lord Jackson Overland." Danny's breath caught in his throat, "Fiance?!"

"Foreign word, Fenton. Means they're getting married," Dash explained.

Danny suppressed the urge to roll his eyes, "I don't believe it." Paulina sighed in a content way, not noticing the obvious connection between Danny and her daughter, "I still don't either. And yet in three days, my little Elsa will be a lady." Dash clapped his hands together, "Sensational! Let's have a drink!" he gestured to the crowd around them, "Come along, everybody!" Elsa locked eyes with Danny again. "Isn't Mr. Fenton going to join us?" she asked, her eyes wide and almost hopeful. Dash shook his head, "No, he's got a date on Wall Street. Get going, Fenton. Sell those shares."

Danny's heart sank. He watched as Elsa was pulled away by her mother. He sighed as the Purser made an announcement and a round minister with a bald head and blackbeard spoke to two young monks, "Seven o'clock, you'll do your morning prayers. Eight o'clock, you'll do your catechisms. Nine o'clock… you'll do my shirts." They nodded and scurried after him, "Yes, Father."

Danny began to make his way to the bar, ignoring the minister and his converts, before two guys in white stopped him. "You! Have you seen a minister?" He rose a brow, "A what?" The other guy held up his badge, "F.B.I. We're looking for a gangster dressed up like a minister. You seen him?" Danny pointed in the direction the minister went, "He went that way." "Show us," one said sternly. "I really can't. I have to see some-"

"Show us."

They grabbed his arms and led him to where he had pointed. As soon as they turned a corner a girl with beautiful brown skin, black curly hair and an orange dress on slipped out from behind the boiler room door. "Psst. Tuck! The coast is clear," she whispered. Suddenly the trunk next to her opened and a African American man dressed as a minister popped up. "Are we in England yet?"

"No you idiot!" Valerie hissed under her breath, "Where's Phantom? He hasn't showed."

"To hell with Phantom!" Tucker said as he climbed out of the trunk, "He's Public Enemy Number One - he can take care of himself." Valerie rolled her eyes, "Well, I'm gonna try a look for him. You stay here and try to stay out of trouble." She turned and made her way to the front deck. Soon after she left, the minister from before hurried up to Tucker, thinking him a real minister. He began to prod about Tucker's field and what he did as a minister. Not long after their conversation, Danny and the Guys in White rounded a corner. "There he is!" he shouted.

The two agents rushed forward, "F.B.I. Gotcha Foley!" But they grabbed the real minister. "What are you doing?!" he cried in outrage, "I am the Reverend Lancer T. Dubson! Take your hands off me!" But the agents just dragged him down the gangplank and to a hidden police car that they had set up before investigation.

"I just wanted to wish the lady 'Bon Voyage,' Boss," Danny said as Dash emerged from the bar and he argued about staying just a bit longer. "Three words of advice, Fenton: get off this boat." Dash then stopped and began to count the words again before scoffing and stalking back to the bar.

"Tucker!" Valerie whispered as she rushed up the the man, who stood frozen not believing they just took the wrong guy. "Tucker," she snapped her fingers in front of his face, "I can't find Phantom anywhere!" Tucker sighed, "Forget about Phantom!"

"Final call! All ashore that's going ashore!"

Valerie sighed and pulled out a white envelope, "You blew it Phantom! Now, what do with his passport and ticket?" Danny overheard the two talking and gently tapped her on the shoulder, "Could you let me have them?" She furrowed her eyebrows suspiciously, "Who are you?" Tucker then swung an arm around Danny's shoulders, snatched the envelope from Valerie, and handed it to Danny, "Give him the goods, he saved my ass." Danny shot him a grateful smile as he took the envelope and opened in. "Murray Hill Flowers," he read, "Murray Hill Flowers? Where'd you get a name like that?" Tucker smiled proudly, "The Yellow Pages."

"Final call! All ashore that's going ashore! Final call!"

"Last seating for supper. Last seating for supper," the Purser said. "Excuse me, Purser," Danny said as he ran up to the Purser, who stood by the entrance to the dining room, "I'm looking for Miss Elsa Winters. Is she in the dining room?" He nodded as he checked the list, "She and Lord Overland were down for the eight o'clock seating, Mr. uh…"

"Cleaners. Murray Hill Cleaners."

The Purser eyed him suspiciously, "Murray Hill Cleaners?"

"I mean Flowers! Shit…"

"What is your name, sir?" the Purser demanded.

"Danny Fenton!"

Danny froze at the sound of Sam's voice before eyeing the Purser. He waved behind the Purser and called out, "Hey, Danny, good to see you!" Sam continued, "Danny, you came after all! I didn't see you come aboard. Where you been hiding?" Danny cleared his throat, trying to draw her attention to the Purser who was watching. "How'd you get a ticket?" He then grunted and coughed, still trying to get her to take a hint. "Oh," she sighed, "You're sore at me for last night. Listen I-"

Danny suddenly spun around and pulled her into a kiss. They stayed like that while the Purser tried to make his presence known to them. After many failed attempts, he was content with just walking away. Once he was gone, Danny let go of Sam. "You're not sore at me for last night," she said in a stunned tone, "Hell, you should be - I was out of line." Danny sighed as he checked for any sign of the Purser or the Captain, "Forget it, Sam."

She shook her head and laid a hand on his shoulder, "No, no it's your love life. If you really like this girl, forget about me and go after Miss Fantastic." He tensed a bit at her cold tone, "I did. She's on the boat."

Sam sighed and dropped her hand, "Fantastic."

"Sam, I've gotten myself into a huge mess. I'm gonna lose my job, my boss is gonna lose it - all because of some… some damned dame!" he grunted in aggravation. As much as he had wanted to go after her, it was incredibly risky.

"Well, she must be some damned dame."

He eyes brightened when he thought of her, "She is. You're gonna love her, Sam. Her name's Elsa. Elsa Winters."

"Elsa Winters?!" Sam exclaimed, "The debutante Elsa Winters?! The one who came out on a zeppelin?! The one who chases foxes on the cover of Life?!" He furrowed his eyebrows, "What are you saying - she's out of my league?!"

"Danny!"

"Hell, maybe she is."

"Danny-"

"No," he cut her off with a defeated sigh as his shoulders slumped, "I get it now. Guys like me deliver her groceries, they don't walk her down the aisle. Besides, she's engaged to some English guy. An earl or something."

"Danny," Sam said in a stern tone, "There goes that Fenton luck again. But you never let it rule your life. You think some tea bag can compete with you? You think he's got one tiny fraction of your brains? Your looks? That girl would be blind to turn you down." Danny looked back up at her with a small smile. She returned it and patted his back, "Now, come on. Let's plan how you're gonna woo her over." His smiled widened, "Thanks Sam."

As soon as they turned a corner, two figures emerged from the dining room. "Try taking deep breaths, dear," Elsa said in a soft tone, rubbing circles on Jackson's back, "That always helps me." He nodded and stood up straight while taking a breath before gagging and rushing to the railing of the boat. Elsa hurried after him, "Oh, dear, maybe you should lie down." He shook his head, "And leave you alone? Wouldn't dream of it. Besides, I'll be right as rain as soon as we escape these swells."

"But the sea's as flat as a pancake, dear."

"Please, Elsa, I wish you wouldn't mention food just now."

"Oh, sorry. I'll fetch you some seltzer."

Elsa turned and began to make her way to the kitchen when someone passed by, "Hi, Elsa, how ya doin'?" Elsa smiled politely, "Hello, Danny…" she stopped and turned around with an excited smile, "Danny!" He did the same, "You know, you're beautiful when you're about to faint." Elsa shook her head at his wit before rushing back to him, "I didn't know you were sailing!" He shrugged, "I didn't either." She furrowed her eyebrows, "Then what are you doing here?"

He did little jazz hands as he said, "I'm selling lifeboats." He dropped them, "Elsa, I stowed away to be with you… I couldn't let you go." Elsa placed a hand over her heart, "Oh, Danny…"

They stopped when they heard a groan from behind them. "Oh!" Elsa snapped herself back to reality, "Danny, this is my fiance, Jackson Overland." Danny smirked to himself before faking a smiled and roughly grabbing the Englishman's extended hand, shaking it wildly, "Danny Fenton. Pleased to meet you!" Jackson pulled his hand away as soon as Danny stopped shaking it, "Forgive me, I'm afraid I rather overdid it in the dining room."

"Me too! Did you have the sweetbreads?"

"Oh my god," Jackson groaned.

"Best brains I ever ate."

"Ugh, I can see hell!"

"I've never seen them served that way before, with jellied eels and headcheese."

"Danny-" Elsa interjected.

"Night all!" Jackson exclaimed before running off and disappearing into a stairway. Elsa turned back to Danny with her arms crossed, "Danny, was that fair?"

"Fair?" Danny raised an eyebrow, "I find you standing in the moonlight with him. I didn't shoot him, I didn't push him overboard, I thought I was more than fair!"

"You're being terribly bad, Danny. We hardly know each other."

"Hardly know each other?"

"Exchanged looks from across rooms at multiple gatherings don't count as conversations. We just happen to be at another party. We danced, had a little too much wine. We took a little spin around the park."

"You call five hours in the back of a taxi a little spin?"

"Four hours."

"Five. Remember, you fell asleep after we-"

"I remember!" Elsa said with her cheeks blazing red. She quickly turned out to look out at the sea. Danny softly smiled and looked out to where she was looking, "Then I took you to that little cafe down by the docks." Elsa's expression softened, "We had breakfast as the sun came up." His smiled widened as he gently placed his hand over hers on the railing, "We talked about going to California, getting a little bungalow-"

"Raising kids…" she smiled before it disappeared, "Danny… that was just a… fantasy," she let out a heavy sigh, "Things like that aren't done." He looked at her, "And why not?" She stuttered as she tried to find an excuse, "Because… be-because… I-I just can't." She turned and rushed off in the same direction Jackson had gone.

Danny sighed as he whispered to himself, "But you'd be so easy to love."

Valerie and Tucker sat on their stateroom bed playing go fish when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" Tucker called. "It's me, Danny." a voice said from the other side. Tucker's eyes widened, "Uh, hold on a sec! I'm sayin' my prayers!" (A/n: Remember, Tucker is disguised as a minister.) He mumbled a few incoherent things before opening the door, "Come in, my son. Pull up a pew." Danny raised an eyebrow and Valerie just rolled her eyes. "Thanks," he said, "I've got to lay low for awhile. I don't think the Purser believes I'm Murray Hill Flowers."

Tucker nodded, "You seem troubled, perhaps I can help."

Danny shook his head, "I don't think a minister can help me, Doc. The girl I'm in love with is going to marry another guy."

"I could kill the other guy."

"When I row on the varsity crew!" a loud drunken voice boomed through the wall. Danny's eyes widened, "That's my boss. Oh man! If he sees me on this ship, I'm dead!" Tucker thought for a moment before speaking, "He can't see you if he's missing." Valerie groaned, "Or you could just steal the guy's glasses." Tucker nodded, "That's so crazy it just might work." He then exited the room and shut the door behind him. Danny and Valerie were both silent as the conversation in the other room went on, trying to eavesdrop but only catching a few bits.

"Where the hell are my glasses?" Dash yelled.

"Are you sure you had them on when you barged in here?!"

"What? This is my stateroom!"

"Then what am I doing in here? I've never been so insulted in my life! … Why don't you put on your other glasses?"

"I don't have another pair."

"Good. That's what I wanted to know."

Tucker then returned to the stateroom with the glasses in hand. But soon after, the Captain showed up, causing Danny to dive under the bed and hide. He said that man traveling with them was not Murray Hill Flowers but the famous gangster, Phantom. Public Enemy Number One. Once the Captain left, Danny emerged from under the bed, "Doc, stop me if I'm outta line, but I don't think you're really a minister."

"Kid, I'm gonna level with you. I'm not a minister. I'm Tucker Foley, the famous gangster."

Valerie rolled her eyes, "Yeah Public Enemy Number 13. Help, police." Tucker waved her off and noticed Danny was leaving, "Hey, you're not gonna turn me in, are you?!" Danny turned back and shook his head, "Relax, Doc, we're pals."

"Then where're you going?"

"I've got a wedding to stop."

"You can't go out there. The Captain thinks you're Phantom." Danny stopped and thought for a second, "What I need is a disguise." Tucker nodded, "Yeah! A gorilla suit, or a set of armor-"

"Or a sailor suit?" Valerie suggested.

"Excuse me, Ma'am. Are you Mrs. Paulina Winters?" Elsa and her mother were currently walking along the deck of the ship until a sailor whose pants were too short stopped them. Her eyes widened as she immediately recognized him. "Why, yes," her mother responded. "Oh, no," Elsa muttered to herself. Danny then told Mrs. Winters that the ship was sinking a lifeboat was waiting for them. As her mother rushed off to gather some jewelry, Elsa turned to him, "I hope you're proud of yourself, Danny."

"Now that you mention it, I am. Twelve hours after we met up on the deck and I've got you all to myself."

Elsa then then spotted someone behind him and smirked, "Not quite all to yourself. Good morning, Mr. Baxter!" Dash turned to her as she strode past Danny, using binoculars as make-shift glasses, "Morning, dear. I'm looking for a sailor." Elsa smiled and shoved Danny forward, "Take a look at this one!" Dash nodded, "I want to send a wire. This is going to Daniel Fenton, Baxter Building, New York City. Dear Fenton. Wire confirmation of Amalgamated sale at once. You got that?" Danny just nodded with a grunt. "Better have him read it back," Elsa advised as Danny shot her a look. Dash nodded as him, silently asking him to read it.

Danny then used the most ridiculous Mickey Mouse falsetto voice he had ever done, "Fenton. Wire confirmation of Amalgamated sale at once."

Despite changing his voice, Dash stared at him, "You remind me of someone…" Before Dash could raise his binoculars, Danny spotted a tea cart that was passing them, "Look out!" He quickly scooped up a handful of whipped cream from a cake and smacked it on Dash's shoulder. "What was that?!" Dash yelled.

"Biggest seagull I've ever seen!"

Dash growled and rushed off to a restroom. Danny chuckled to himself, "I didn't know how much I wanted to do that," he turned to Elsa and sent her a smile, "Gotta run, angel. I'll see you later."

Later that day, Sam and Tucker had seen each other while trying to help Danny win Elsa over. The Purser had just come and asked if either of them if the had seen "Mr. Flowers." As Danny walked by in his sailor suit, the Purser asked him to come and help find… himself.

"Who's he looking for?" Sam asked. "He's looking for Danny," Tucker replied matter-of-factly. She scoffed, "Danny ought to be a big help to him."

"What ho, it's Samantha Manson!" Sam and Tucker both turned at the sound of a comically British accent shouting at them to find Jackson Overland. "I say, Lord Jackson Overland. Might I have your autograph?" Sam shrugged, "Why not?" He handed her his notebook and she began to write in it as he rambled on in an excited tone.

"Do you know, I spent the most smashing evening at your club! 'Lawdy, Lawdy! Saints preserve us!' Your singing stirred me into a frenzy! Had me dancing like the Bo Jingles!"

"Thank you," Sam said while handing the book back to Jackson. He read it aloud, "'Are you drunk or crazy? Good luck. Sam Manson.'" He laughed, "I say, why don't we all have tea in my cabin? I know my fiance, Miss Winters, would love to meet you."

"That's very sweet, but I'm afraid-"

"She'd love to," Tucker cut in. "Marvelous! Shall we say four o'clock?" Jackson asked. Tucker nodded, "We shall." Jackson's grin reached a hundred watts, "Neaters!" He peeked into his book before closing it and tucking it away, "See ya later, elevator!" He jogged off.

"Tuck!" Sam turned to him as soon as Jackson was gone, "That's the guy that's making time with Danny's girl. This is going to be like consorting with the enemy." Tucker nodded with a smug smile on his face, "Exactly. Here's the plan. You get to his cabin early, wearing something that slips off easy. I bust in and catch him tearing your clothes off, then we blackmail him into breaking the engagement!"

"Tuck, that's despicable."

"You don't like it?"

"I love it."

"Did you ring, sir?" the Purser asked as he stepped into Lord Jackson's room. Jackson stood in front of the mirror in knee socks, boxers and a button down shirt before he turned to greet the man, "Yes, you might bring me my tea, please. And step in it."

The Purser furrowed his eyebrows, "I'm sorry, sir?"

"I mean, sit on it."

"Sir?"

"Blast! Bring it right away, will you."

"Yes, sir. I'll step on it." The Purser then turned and left the room. Jackson frowned as he picked up his broadsword, "Step on it? Makes no sense at all." Jackson looked down to shine his sword when he heard a knock on the door, "Come in! … I say, you Yanks are fast. Just put it down on the bed will you. I really wanted it before I started to dress. I hope it's good and hot."

"Nobody's complained yet."

Jackson turned to find Sam sitting on the bed in a black silk robe. "Dear me!" Jackson said while dropping his sword and pulling on a robe of his own, "I thought you were the man with my tea!"

"What were you gonna do if it was cold, cut off his head?" Sam nodded to the sword on the floor. Jackson bent over to pick it up and place it on his desk, "Oh, you mean Pitch Black? Old family heirloom. Mother Winters wants me to wear it for the wedding. You know, it's odd. The old beazer's as taken with things English as I am with things American." Sam smirked and stood, sauntering over to him, "Well, I'm glad you feel that way because this American is certainly gaga about you."

Jackson furrowed his eyebrows, "Gaga? I'm not sure I follow." Sam reached up to caress his neck, "Does this make it any clearer?"

"Marvelous!" Jackson exclaimed as he pulled away from her and grabbed his notebook, writing it down, "'To feel 'gaga' about a person means to rub his neck…'" Sam shook her head, "You don't understand. I mean you do things to me…"

"Do things to you?" Jackson asked as Sam plucked his notebook out of his hand and set it on the desk. "I mean you send me."

"Send you where?"

"One look at you and I get hot pants," she tried to make her meaning clear.

"Dear me, would a bit of ice do any good?"

Sam sighed, "Jack, 'hot pants' means that I'm crazy about you."

"'Hot pants' means you're crazy about me?!" Jackson exclaimed, "Smashing! Because I think you're the rat's pajamas! The absolute fleas knees!" He stopped when she laughed. "Is something funny?"

"Yeah," she smiled, "But it's also kinda cute."

Suddenly the door swung open, revealing Tucker who was staring straight ahead, "Ah, ha! What's going on here? So this is what I find! You beast, you despoiler of innocent girlhood! Look at this poor child, her clothes torn off by your fiendish attack, standing there in her nakedness!" He looked over at her and noticed she was still clothed, "There's something wrong here."

"There's nothing wrong here," Jackson said. Sam rolled her eyes, "Tuck-"

"No! Stand back! I'll not permit this British Lion to twist American womanhood by the tail. Do you think your girlfriend will marry you after this? And don't think she won't know, because I'm going to tell her!"

"Oh, do! Only, make it a bit thicker. She does complain that I lack fervor," Jackson smiled.

"Now wait a minute buster. You're not taking the right attitude. I'm a dangerous man." Jackson waved him off, "Go on, Padre. You're a sweetheart and you know it." Tucker stood up straight and fixed his disguise, "Okay, you asked for it. I'm going to prove to you I'm a desperate character… Do you mind waiting a minute? I won't be long." Tucker then hurried out of the room. "You know," Jackson said to Sam, "I've noticed these clergy sometimes go a bit off."

Sam sighed, "Aw, Jackson. There's something I've got to tell you. This was a set-up."

"A set-up?" he asked picking up his notebook and flipping through a few pages. "We were going to frame you," she tried again. "Frame me?" he asked, still confused. "He was supposed to bust in and catch us in a-" she stopped as she pointed to a word in his notebook, "clinch."

"I say, do you mean he thought I'd make love to you?"

Sam nodded, "That was the idea."

"Oh, that is exciting! You mean you, and me-"

The door swung open again, revealing Tucker holding a Tommy gun, "You see? Now I guess you realize how serious this is." Sam scoffed, "Tucker, are your nuts?! Put that thing away!"

"No!"

"Drop it."

"I don't wanna drop it!"

"It's all right Padre," Jackson interrupted, "You thought I would take advantage of Miss Manson here and you came to her rescue and I admire you for it. I really admire you enormously. What's the expression?" He snapped his fingers as he thought of it and pointed to Tucker, "I've got hot pants for you!"

"You stay away from me or I'll shoot."

After that failed attempt, Danny and Tucker tried another way to stop the wedding. But that failed too.

It was around midnight and Elsa was talking to some nice women she had met on the boat when she looked over to find her mother on the floor with Danny, who was wearing a fake beard, and another man. "Mother!" she rushed over and knelt next to her, "Mother! Danny, what have you done?"

"Elsa, I swear, I didn't-"

"Nevermind, I don't want to hear it, Danny."

Paulina suddenly rose into a sitting position and looked into the distance, "His name isn't Danny, dear, it's Jackson. And Jackson isn't Jackson, he's Jasper. And Jasper's really Sandy-" Elsa sighed, cutting her mother off, she had had enough of this, "I'll show you who he is!" She stood up and yanked his beard off. Chaos erupted on deck. Danny was chased away along with the other man by sailors, Sam had spilled her drink on her, and Jackson had taken her mother back to the rooms. Now only Sam and Elsa were left on deck, "How long are you gonna keep up this stupid act?" Sam asked.

Elsa frowned, "I beg your pardon."

"You're in love with him. Why don't you just admit it?"

Elsa looked down, "Look I really don't think this is any of your-"

"He may want you now, but he's not going to stick around forever. Half the women in New York are crazy about him. Why, just the other day, one of the best-looking dames I know practically proposed to him."

Elsa's eyes widened and her head shot up, "She did? Who was she?"

"Me."

With that, Samantha Manson sauntered off to the bar. Elsa sighed to herself as she sank onto the stairs that led to the upper deck, sitting on them. Sam was right, Danny was not going to chase her forever. Why must everything be so complicated? All she wanted to do was be happy. Hell, Elsa would gladly trade Jackson for Danny. But the recent crash in the stock market prevented her from doing so. Her family had lost everything and now she was forced to marry for money, at least unless Jackson opposed the marriage. Otherwise, her widowed mother would end up in the poorhouse. Tears fell from her eyes as she longed to see Danny again, to have him say that he loved her. She loved him. She overreacted a few moments ago and she knew it. She just want him to sweep her away and rescue her from this nightmare.

"Come now, dearie, why all the tears?"

Elsa looked up to see an old woman in a wheelchair with a blanket around her and a veil over her head. Elsa stood up and wiped her eyes, "I'm sorry. Forgive me. I just can't help it."

"Eh?" the old lady asked, leaning in close to hear her better.

"I said I just can't help it," Elsa repeated slightly louder, "If only I had told him how I really feel."

"How's that?"

Elsa smiled to her herself, "I'm crazy about him."

"Eh?"

"I said I crazy about him!" she smiled as she said it in a loud shout before she stopped and her smiled faded, "Oh, this is tragic! I've ruined my life! I've ruined his life! And now," Elsa sighed as she collapsed onto the stairs again, "Now I don't know what to do."

"Things don't look that bad." Elsa's head snapped up at the new voice. She looked to see the woman standing and taking of her veil and blanket, revealing Danny underneath. She sprung up and brushed herself off, "Danny! I-I-"

He cut her off when he rushed to embrace her, holding her close. Elsa gasped but quickly relaxed in his arms, "Oh, Danny, I'm so sorry I overreacted. I never should've-"

"It's okay," he cut her off again. She shook her head while leaning into him, "But you're now suspected as a wanted criminal and it's all my fault." He pulled away and gripped her shoulders, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." He pulled her back to him and kissed her. She let out a soft noise of surprise but melted into the kiss. When they broke apart, she smiled up at him and gently hugged him, "I missed you." Danny's face transformed into a goofy grin of his own while he hugged her back. The hours turned to minutes as they stared out across the inky sea with the stars shining overhead just talking to each other. Eventually she sighed, "Danny, I care about you, I really do… but we can't be together." He gave her a look, "And why's that?" She shook her head and played with her fingers, "I can't tell you. You'll think less of me." Danny's eyebrows furrowed, "Elsa, I would never-"

"Elsa! Oh, Elsa!"

Elsa's eyes widened, "Oh my God, mother!" She hadn't noticed the sun had come up as she and Danny straightened their clothes and tried not to look like they were there all night. "Elsa, there you are," Elsa turned to see her mother walking up to her, "The kitchen needs an answer right away. Do you want cognac or Cointreau in the wedding cake? Of course I'll have to find out what the groom wants."

"Decisions, decisions," Danny muttered to himself sarcastically. Elsa hastily elbowed him, hoping her mother didn't notice. "Elsa, who is this?" Paulina asked. Elsa straightened up and realized she needed to tell her before things got out of hand, "Mother, I need to tell you something. I…" Elsa stopped herself and realized the risk she could be putting her poor widowed mother in. "Mother, I-I…"

"I say! Anyone have hot pants for a game of shuffleboard?" Jackson asked loudly. Elsa hesitated as she looked at all questioning faces around her. But she was interrupted by the Purser.

"Captain, it's him!"

Suddenly two sailors grabbed Danny and held him back. As he struggled to break free, the whole ship was drawn to the commotion, creating a crowd. They all began to whisper and ask questions before the Purser spoke up, "Ladies and gentlemen, the man we've just arrested is Phantom! Public Enemy Number One!"

The crowd "Oohed" in an excited way. The Purser nodded at them proudly, "Take him away, men!" The crowd then responded in a chorus of "Aws." The Captain stepped forward, "You idiot! Release that man!"

The Purser gave him a confused look, "But, I thought you wanted him clapped in irons?"

"Clapped in irons? A celebrity like Phantom?!"

Once the sailors released Danny, he turned to the Captain, "Let me get this straight: If I'm just a stowaway, you throw me in jail, but if I'm a famous murderer, you roll out the red carpet?" The Captain completely ignored him, "You'll be my guest for dinner at the Captain's table." All the passengers then erupted in cheers. Suddenly, a minister broke through the crowd.

"You know, he's not the only gangster on this ship."

"What do you mean, Doctor?" the Captain asked.

"I mean I'm not a minister," Tucker then took off his hat and replaced with with a red beret, "I'm Tucker Foley. I'm a Public Enemy, too…"

"Public Enemy Number Two?" the Purser asked.

" … Yeah." Valerie came up and tugged on his sleeve, "Tuck!" He groaned, "Shut up, Valerie!" Danny and Elsa locked eyes for a moment before she stormed off, trying to keep the tears from falling from her eyes. Before Danny could go after her, the Captain clapped Danny on the back.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the honorary Captain of the Grey Ghost!"

That night, the entire population of the ship sat in the nightclub. Tucker and Danny sat at the Captain's table, both wearing pinstriped suits. Danny spoke to the crowd in an accent that would have them believing he was the famous gangster they claimed him to be, "You know, you break your back to cheat and steal and kill, you wonder if it's all worth it. Then something like this happens… You're beautiful." The entire nightclub erupted in cheers.

Sam then walked up to him as everyone went back to their dinners. "How do you like the royal treatment, Phantom?"

"Nice," Danny replied, trying to uphold his ruse. In reality, he wanted to run and hide from everyone on this ship. Sam sigh and spoke earnestly, "Listen. I just saw Elsa. She's all broken up."

"Aww."

"Oh, a tough guy, huh? Suppose I told you she wants to marry you." Danny's eyes widened as he dropped his accent, "You're kidding me. She said that?"

"No," Sam smirked before her expression became serious, "Come on, Danny. You know she wants to marry you. She just doesn't have the guts to say so." The Purser then made an announcement about the bar closing before Sam's service. She turned back to her Angels, or backup singers/dancers, "Come on girls, we've got a show to do." Purity, Charity, Chastity and Virtue, her Angels, followed her to the stage.

"Jackson, I really don't feel up to this. I think I'll just go back to my cabin," Elsa said as she and Jackson entered the nightclub with their arms linked. "Don't be silly," he waved her off before looking at the Captain's table, "Look! It's Phantom!" He dragged her with him as he rushed to meet the famed gangster. "Jackson, no," Elsa whispered as Jackson began to talk to Danny. "I say, Mr. Phantom, who am I?" he changed his tone to do his Jimmy Cagney (A/n: He was an actor who played a famous gangster in the 1930s.) impression, which was dreadful, "You dirty rat. You dirty rat."

"Noel Coward?"

"Damn!"

"Jackson, stop it!" Elsa whisper-shouted to him. "You wanna make her happy, pal? Do an impression of me," Danny replied in his cockney accent. As Jackson laughed, Elsa glared at him, "You can be terribly cruel, Danny." She stormed of to where her mother and Dash sat. Jackson followed her, "That's how he got to be Number One!" Danny sighed, realizing what he said was uncalled for, "Elsa, wait-"

"And now, ladies and gentlemen," the Captain announced, causing Danny to return to his seat, "the Grey Ghost is pleased to present the world's most sensuous sermonizer, her high-stepping Holiness - Miss Samantha Manson!"

The red velvet curtains of the stage opened, revealing Sam and her Angels in white robes. Sam raised a hand to halt the applause of the passengers, "Hush! Brothers and sisters, we're here tonight to fight the devil. There's only one way to fight the devil and that's in the open." Then she and her angels yanked off their robes to reveal what they were wearing underneath. The Angels wore short white dresses while Sam wore a long black sparkly evening dress with a slit running up her right leg.

The robe Sam had thrown offstage landed on Jackson's head. He lifted it up and stared, "Lawdy! Lawdy!"

"Jackson!" Elsa scolded.

Sam smirked as she continued, "There's only one way to send the devil packing and that's to confess your sins. Who'll be the first to stand up and say 'I'm a sinner.'" A female passenger stood up, "I'm a sinner." The whole nightclub responded with, "Hallelujah!" Sam nodded in satisfaction, "Thank you, sister, who's next?" A male passenger then followed the other's lead, "I-I'm a sinner." The chorus responded again with, "Hallelujah!" "Who's next?" Sam questioned. "Go ahead, Dash," Paulina nudged the blonde man. He stood up, "Well, er… there was a time when I drank."

"What do you do now use a funnel?" Tucker called out. "Hallelujah!" the crowd cheered.

"I'm cursed with sex appeal! It's been my downfall," a girl said. Another girl stood up, "She's not confessing, she's advertising!"

"Hallelujah!"

Sam sighed and she descended the stairs of the stage and moved into the crowd, "Come on, who'll give us a real confession?"

"I say, may I have a go?" Jackson asked while raising his hand like an eager kindergartener. "Speak up brother," Sam said as she made her way over to him, "I wanna hear this." Jackson stood up and brushed himself off, "Well, when I was visiting China some time ago, there was a little Chinese girl named Plum Blossom of whom I became extremely fond. Eventually we had an UNPREMEDITATED ROMP IN THE RICE AND I ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH!"

The crowed gasped in shock as Sam pat him on the back, "I was worried about you, brother, but I feel much better now."

"Hallelujah!"

"Wait a minute! What about Phantom, we haven't heard his confession," a passenger called as the service began to end. "Yeah!" another agreed. The nightclub then began to chant, "We want Phantom! We want Phantom!"

Danny stood up, silencing the crowd, and moved to the center of the floor as he talked, not even bothering to use his accent, "All right, you want a confession? I'll give you a confession. Three weeks ago I fell in love with a girl," he stopped as the crowd "Awed" before continuing, "How did I show it? I hounded her, I embarrassed her, I made her cry just because I was so damn desperate for her to love me back," he looked at Elsa, "I'm so sorry, Elsa. I just want you to be happy," his shoulders slumped as he looked down, "I'll never bother you again."

All eyes turned to her. She placed a hand over her heart as it sped up at his words. Just as she rose from her chair to rush to him, someone yelled out, "What is this?"

"That doesn't sound like Phantom!"

"I'm not," Danny admitted, "I'm not a gangster. I'm a broken down broker."

"He's a phony!" a passenger called.

"I want my money back!"

"They oughta give him the chair!"

"Purser, clap that man in irons!" the Captain yelled. Danny moved back as the crowd hurled insults at him before Tucker jumped in front, "Get behind me, we'll shoot our way out!" He opened his violin case, expecting to find his Tommy gun but found an actual violin.

"There's something wrong here."

"Miss Manson! I say, you startled me!" Jackson yelled as Sam approached him on the deck carrying two glasses and a half empty bottle of gin. The passengers had gone to bed after Danny was caught and the atmosphere of the ship had calmed down. Sam smiled, "Sorry. I couldn't sleep."

"Nor I," he said.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, Jack, but this time he's got me stumped," Sam said as she set the glasses and the bottle on a nearby table, "My two best friends are in the slammer and tomorrow morning-" she stopped herself before continuing, "but hey, you know all about that." She poured the gin into the glasses and raised hers, "Here's to the happy groom." Jackson then grabbed the bottle from the table and successfully drained it. "Make that: Here's to the groom," Sam corrected herself.

"Miss Manson," Jackson said as he stared out across the sea, gripping the railing tightly, "You see before you a man staggered by revelation. It hit me like a stone hammer in the middle of your service. The woman I'm destined to marry tomorrow is not one and the same with the women I love."

"You mean you're not in love with Elsa? That's great!" Sam cleared her throat before changing her tone, "I mean, gee, it's a good thing you found out. I mean, just in time and everything…"

"Ah, there's the rub. You know the Overland motto? Nostrum fulgium santorum."

"What does that mean?" she asked. He shrugged, "No one really knows. But we're not supposed to go around backing out of engagements. Ah, well… Adieu, Miss Manson." He turned to go but Sam's voice stopped him, "You know there's one thing I can't figure out." He turned to her. "That business in the rice paddy. Plum Blossom. How does that fit with 'nostrum fulgium whatever?'"

"This is most embarrassing. Must I explain?" he asked while his face turned bright red. Sam shrugged nonchalantly, "It's your motto."

"Miss Manson, I've never told this to anyone before. It's an Overland family secret. There's something dark and strange in our blood. I mine especially…"

Danny lay on the bunk in the brig as Tucker sat in one of the chairs shuffling some cards. "Take a card any card… All right, I'll take one for you. Now look at it… All right, I'll look at it for you."

"I don't want to play cards," Danny grumbled as he stared at the ceiling. Tucker sighed, "What d'ya wanna do, shoot craps?" Danny shrugged, "I was thinking of shooting myself."

"I know killing yourself sometimes seems like a good idea, but believe me, it never works out." Danny sat up and turned to Tucker, "Yeah? Give my one good reason to live."

"Nasty Burger!"

Danny sighed and stood up, pacing the room, "A week ago I was getting fitted for my first Brooks Brothers suit, now look where I am."

"This place isn't so bad," Tucker argued, "Were you ever in jail in Cicero? Not the new one - the old one." Danny stopped and face his friend, "Tuck, please. Elsa's getting married in the morning," he sighed and his shoulders slumped, "I'll never see her again." Tucker stood and wrapped an arm around Danny's shoulders, "You know what you're problem is? You've got no philosophy. Life has taught me to think positive. It's like Dillinger once told me: 'Remember, it's always darkest just before they turn on the lights.'"

Tucker then began to sing completely off key, "Be like the blue bird and sing, 'Tweet tweet, tra-la-la-la-la-la!'"

"Boy, what a dump!" Both boys turned to find they had a visitor. "Valerie!" Danny exclaimed, "What's going on up there? Have you seen Elsa?"

"Yeah and let me tell you she is certainly not happy about the wedding, whining and crying." Danny felt his heart shatter in his chest as Valerie continued, "Anyway, she sent you this note." She handed him a white folded up piece of paper. He took it, opened it, and read it, "Dearest Daniel. I do love you and I need you to know that before I am trapped forever. I do want to marry you but my family is ruined and if I don't go through with this, they will end up on the streets. Please try to understand. Love, Elsa."

Danny couldn't help but smiled as he muttered to himself, "She loves me."

Not long after Valerie left, the Purser appeared with two Chinese monks and threw them in with Danny and Tucker. "Hey, you bums," Sam said as she sauntered up to the jail cell. "Sam!" Tucker called. "Boys, I got fabulous news," she said with a smile, "The greatest thing that can happen to a person just happened to me."

"You got paroled!" Tucker guessed. Danny shook his head, noticed the familiar look in Sam's eyes, "No, she's in love."

"And Jackson's in love with me!"

Danny smiled, "That's great! In fact, it's perfect!" Tucker nodded, "Yeah! You marry Jackson, Danny marries Elsa - that only leaves one problem." Danny raised an eyebrow, "What's that?"

"How should I put it?" Tucker mused before grabbing the bars and shaking them, "Lemme out! Lemme out! Lemme out!" Danny rolled his eyes but looked at Sam, "Sam, we've got to think of something." Tucker sighed, "If only we were Chinese…" Sam furrowed her eyebrows, "Chinese?"

Tucker pointed to the monks, "There gettin' out in an hour." They all exchanged glances before Tucker turned to the monks, "Hey, fellas, how about a little game of strip poker?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(A/n: This is where it gets offensive and I apologize in advance)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the Angels had led the way as her bridesmaids, Elsa strode across the deck in a beautiful wedding gown with sheer sleeves, a sparkly bodice that clung to her figure and a skirt that swung from her hips with each movement. Her hair was down in a french braid and a small, forced smile graced her lips as she tried to avoid the gazes of everyone who attended the wedding. Her mother led her the Captain and Jackson, who looked a little unsure himself.

"Dearly beloved," the Captain read from a little book, "we are gather here over the bodies of-" he stopped himself and flipped through a few pages, "We are assembled here to join together in the bonds of Holy Matrimony this young-"

"Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!" Two voices were suddenly heard yelling at the Captain. Two men who spoke in Chinese accents and wore Chinese robes, carried bamboo umbrellas and wore bamboo hats shuffled onto the deck and bowed. Though he was wearing glasses, Elsa could easily recognize Danny's sky blues and noticed that the man next to him was Tucker Foley. But she had to admit their accents were convincing to everyone else. Instead of yelling at him to leave her wedding be like she should have, she stayed quiet. Being so close to an unwanted marriage with Jackson, she found she was hoping whatever plan he had concocted worked.

"Good Lord, what's this?" the Captain asked. Danny spoke to him, "We come long way, travel far to have big talk with English gentlemen. We arrive in nick of time." Jackson stepped forward, "If you've come in reference to my Hong Kong interests, you've come at a bad moment. I'm about to be married."

"No!" Danny said, startling everyone, "No. No can marry." Tucker shook his head, "No can marry!"

"Why no can marry?" Paulina fumed before she cleared her throat and continued in a gentler tone, "I mean, why can't he be married?"

"Listen, Listen," Danny reasoned, "I explain. I have honor to introduce Wu Chang Tuck, father of little Plum Blossom." Tucker stepped forward and dramatically bowed. "And who is little Plum Blossom?" Paulina asked.

"This is little Plum Blossom!" Danny swept his arm out, gesturing to another figure that was wrapped in Chinese robes with a bamboo hat of her own and a fan covering her face. "Little Chinese Princess," Danny's accented tone grew harsher, "Until Lord Jackson turn her her into little Chinese tramp!" The whole crowd gasped.

"Dear me! Is this really true?" Paulina asked. Jackson nodded, "I'm afraid so. East is East and all but I'm forced to admit that for one brief moment our twains did meet."

"And how!" Danny exclaimed. Tucker nodded and made a cradling gesture with his arms, "Pretty soon along came Little Plum Pudding!"

Jackson nodded, "Apologies to one and all, but under the circumstances, I don't see how I could possibly marry Miss Winters." Dash Baxter broke through the crowd at the sight of Paulina's distressed face, "Nonsense. All these people want is money. Look you two, I'll give you a thousand dollars to clear out."

"We'll take it," Tucker said as he went to shake Dash's hand before Danny stopped him. "Do not insult us with offer of filthy money!"

"I'll make it two thousand."

"Rich man cannot buy Chinese honor!"

"I'll make it five thousand."

Tucker pushed in front of Danny, "Chinese honor sold!"

"No, Mr. Baxter," Elsa stepped forward, "Don't pay him. No amount of money can settle this great wrong," she moved towards Danny, "You, sir… You are a relative of little Plum Blossom?" Danny's eyes widened as he took in Elsa's stunning wedding attire but he snapped himself out of it, trying to focus. "W-We old poker buddies."

"Then the only way to pay this debt of honor, Jackson, is for you to offer him… me!" Jackson and Danny both simultaneously brightened. "I say," Jackson said, "What a marvelous idea!" Paulina shook her head, "Elsa! No!"

"Offer accepted! Chinese honor saved!" Danny exclaimed as he pulled Elsa closer to him by the waist. She smiled and leaned into him, glad he had come to rescue her. Jackson walked up to them, "Congratulations, old boy, you getting quite the girl." Elsa smiled at Jackson as Danny shook his hand.

"Why not English gentleman join club and right wrong done poor Plum Blossom," Danny whispered harshly, slipping out of his accent near the end. Jackson looked over at Plum Blossom, "Right wrong done poor…" he then immediately recognized the violet eyes that peeked over the bamboo fan, "Oh, why not!" He then strode up to her and got on one knee, "See, here Plum Blossom, will you marry me?"

Plum Blossom then took off her robe and hat while dropping her fan, revealing Sam underneath, "Sweetie, I thought you'd never ask!" The crowd cheered for both the couples before they were interrupted by intense fake crying. "Why mother, what's the matter?" Elsa asked.

"What's the matter?! We're poor again!" Paulina wailed, "I shall have to spend the rest of my life living in hotels!"

"Like hell you will!" Dash rushed towards her and got on one knee, "Marry me, Paulina. Say yes and spend the rest of your life in the lap of luxury. Why after that Amalgamated deal, I'm so damn rich I can buy this tub and turn it into a private yacht for you." Paulina smiled and pulled him to his feet, "Dash, my savior! My knight in shining armor!"

"Um, Mr. Baxter," Danny said pulling away from Elsa and taking of his hat and his robe while handing Dash's glasses back to him. Once Dash put them on he squinted, "Fenton?" Danny waved, "Hey, boss."

"You never told me you were Chinese."

The crowd gasped.

"I'm not, sir. And I have another confession to make," Danny sighed, "I never made it to the Stock Exchange. I stowed away aboard this ship. I never sold those Amalgamated shares." Dash stared at him, "You never… but that means I'm ruined," he fell to his knees, "Ruined!" Danny hesitantly patted him on his back, "Sorry, boss." Danny retreated as Dash turned to Paulina and took her hand, "Well, at least I'll have someone to comfort me in my misfortune."

Paulina sheepishly smiled, "Well…"

"Mr. Baxter! Mr. Baxter!" the Purser ran in waving a telegram, "Urgent cable from New York! Amalgamated just went through the roof! You're a zillionaire!"

"Dash!" Paulina cried as Dash rose from the ground, jumping into his arms. Danny shook his head, "How do you do it, Boss?"

"How?" Dash set Paulina down, "Brains, guts, and the world's finest education! Bulldog! Bulldog! Bow wow wow! Eli Yale!" A sailor then entered carrying a dog, "Speaking of dogs, does this belong to anybody?" Paulina gasped, "Cheeky! Where have you been?" The sailor handed the dog to her, "We found him in the swimming pool." Paulina furrowed her eyebrows, "What was he doing in the swimming pool?"

Hiccups-are-better then jumped in out of nowhere and yelled, "The doggie paddle!" before disappearing.

Danny smiled down at Elsa and pulled her close by her waist, "Does this mean I have you all to myself now?" Elsa smiled, "It would seem so." She took the bamboo hat out of Danny's hand and held it up in front of their faces, shielding them from their audience. Elsa's other hand came up to cup his chin as she kissed him. A chorus of "Aws" sounded from the other side of the hat and they both smiled into the kiss. Once they broke away from each other, she dropped the hat and took Danny's hands. Danny smiled and turned to the Captain, "All right, Captain, let's get on with it. You've got some weddings to perform here."

"Yes!"Jackson cried, "Step in it!"

So though I'm not a great romancer, I know that I'm bound to answer when you propose…

Anything goes!