A/N: Hi. I didn't have the time to fully proofread but I wanted to get this finished so I could devote all my time and attention to the piece I'm working on for AkuRoku day. So, uh, if there's any massive grammatical errors, I'm sorry.

chapter ten;
holding hands in the shower

Everything looks pretty from afar
But the feeling's wrong, but the feeling's wrong
Now we're holding hands in the shower
But the feeling's gone, but the feeling's gone
—Holding Hands In The Shower, NPSH

For some reason, I woke up feeling exceptionally lonely.

I sat up, wiped the crust from my eyes, and blinked away the sleep. My phone alarm continued to chirp and I struggled to find the motor skills to turn it off. Once in silence, I could think better. And I remembered the events of the previous night as well as the answer to why I felt so alone; Roxas wasn't in my bed anymore. I looked at the empty mass of blankets to my side, wondering when he managed to sneak out.

I clumsily rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of flannel pants I had laying around on the floor. Waking up alone after the events of last night left me feeling like I was pumped and dumped. But how many people have I snuck out on over the years?

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I wandered down the hallway towards Roxas's room and gave his door a couple knocks before letting myself in. He was laying on his bed in his school uniform while he texted on his cellphone, his face burrowed into a pillow so that only his eyes were visible. Once he saw me, his brows furrowed.

"Good morning," I greeted cheerfully, plopping on the bed next to him. He quickly locked his phone and tossed it to the side, turning his face to me.

"Can I help you?" He asked, clearly not as excited about my presence as I was about his.

"Yeah, I'm looking for the little snuggle bunny that hopped into my bed last night. He's about five feet tall, blonde, blue eyes, pouty lips—"

"I don't know what you're talking about," He snapped. "And I'm not five feet tall."

"Oh, is this what we're doing again? Pretending nothing happened?"

"Nothing did happen." He wouldn't even make eye contact.

"Roxas, spare me the melodramatic regret. You and I both know—"

"Both know that what happened was wrong on every front."

"I want to punch you in the teeth sometimes. But I don't want to ruin your pretty face."

"Just go. Please."

"No, I'm tired of this. We're gonna talk." I rolled into a position that mirrored his, my face just inches from his face. I could smell the toothpaste and coffee on his breath. "I like you, Roxas. And you like me. I mean, the circumstances are a little weird admittedly, but I'm sure weirder things have happened."

"So, what, you want to be illicit gay lovers with your birth mother's son?"

"Okay, it sounds a little fucked up when you phrase it like that. But we don't have to be gay lovers, I can put on a dress or something and let you fuck me in the ass."

He went pink in the cheeks at my vulgarity. "It's not natural, Axel."

"How isn't it not natural? We're just two people who kinda like each other. Not a big deal. Get over your self-hating homophobia already. It's cliché."

"I'm not talking about the gay thing, the whole family circumstances thing. What if my parents found out? What if Kairi found out? My friends? Xion? What if this is just a phase?" He buried his face back into his pillow and mumbled something that sounded like 'You're not perfect'.

I leaned closer to him. "Huh?"

He lifted his face up and looked at me with tired eyes. "My entire life it's been hardwired into me that I can't be anything but perfect. And you, Axel, are the opposite of perfect."

"Who told you to be perfect? Like I said before, perfection doesn't exist. Get over yourself already."

With an angry sigh, he tossed his pillow off the side of the bed. "Forget it, okay? You don't know what it's like."

Those were the magic words. The words that make me snap.

"Don't know what what's like? To have parents who care? To have a nice home? To not have to worry about where you're going to wind up next or where you're going to get your next meal? To not wonder why you were abandoned at the ripe age of five fucking years old?" I was getting upset at his self-victimization, and the implication that he was the one with hardships. "You're right, Roxas, I don't know what any of that is like. You've really had it rough."

"What is it with you always having to one-up my suffering with your own? I never said you had it easy. It's not a competition. We are from very different circumstances."

"Except my circumstances involved actual suffering, whereas yours just leave you whining about how you have to be perfect all the time, which, honestly, sounds like you're so far up your own ass that you've fermented. All you rich pretty kids have such a fuckin' victim complex."

"Fuck you, Axel," he hissed. I hadn't noticed, but fresh tears were dripping down his reddened cheeks. "Fuck you. Get out."

"What? Did I strike a chord? Go take a Prozac and get over it. And once you're feeling better, we can talk about last night."

"I killed my mom, okay?" He blurted. My head spun at the outburst.

There was a silence. I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Is that what you needed to hear? Huh? Does that validate my feelings? Can I join the suffering club now, chairman Axel? Or are you the only person in the world that's allowed to be upset with his circumstances?" He wiped his eyes on the sleeves of his button-up. "You know what? Forget it. You should've stayed with your friends, wallowing forever. It's all you'll ever be good at." He got off the bed and turned away from me, his body visibly shaking.

"Roxas," I said softly, "Roxas, I… I didn't—"

"It doesn't matter," he deadpanned. "It's done."

"I'm sorr—"

"Go."

I lingered for a few extra seconds, replaying our words in my head. I thought back to the brief excerpt about Roxas's birth mom in Anastasia's book, how she died when Roxas was just a baby. There were no details, just that she was dead. I never considered the possibility that she died giving birth, or that Roxas was carrying around a guilt that has festered for seventeen years. It dawned on me that I was the asshole here.

Without another thought, I got up and walked over to Roxas. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hugged him from behind. "I'm sorry, Roxas."

"If I'm not perfect," He whispered, "Then she died in vain."

He didn't pull away like I expected him to. I buried my face into his soft blond hair, which smelled like salon-grade shampoo. Pressed up against him, I could feel him breathing, and I tried to synchronize our inhales and exhales. As lame as it sounds, I could've stayed like that forever. And maybe I would've, if there wasn't a knock on the door that caused us to quickly separate.

"Are you both in there? Axel isn't in his room," Kairi called out from the other side. "It's time for breakfast."

"Yeah, we'll be right down," Roxas responded, no hint of emotion in his voice. He didn't seem concerned about what Kairi would think about us together alone in his room. And I guess he had no reason to. What fourteen year old girl would come to the conclusion that her brothers were drama-fueled makeout buddies?

Down at the breakfast table, we sat and ate eggs and toast in relative silence. Kairi was flipping through a text book, reviewing for a test she had that morning, and Anastasia and Mr. Henley talked quietly amongst themselves as to not disturb her. I watched Roxas push his food around absentmindedly. At some point, Anastasia made eye-contact with me and I remembered our talk yesterday where she accused me of corrupting Roxas.

If only she knew the events of the previous night. I wondered how'd she'd react, upon gaining knowledge of her precious step-son's homosexuality and affinity for redheaded fuck-ups. I'd be to blame, I'm sure. Would she kick me out?

"Axel, you look like you have a lot on your mind," She noted.

"I'm tired."

"Well, your community service is over in a little over a month, and then you can focus on other endeavors."

"Like?"

"You can see about getting a diploma or equivalency, and then maybe you can attend college."

That piqued Roxas's interest. "You don't have a diploma?" He asked, incredulous. His sadness from earlier long since evaporated.

Suddenly, I felt like a piece of shit all over again. "No…"

"How? You're not that stupid, are you?"

"Roxas," Anastasia scolded. "I got my GED when I was twenty-two. Diplomas are not always an accurate reflection of intelligence."

"I was valedictorian," Mr. Henley piped up, "And then I proceeded to fail all my courses my first year of university. Lost my scholarship."

"Then why are you both so hard on me to be a perfect student?" Roxas was clearly feeling snippy, our exchange in his room clearly took a huge hit on his mood and threshold for bullshit. "If I didn't graduate, neither of you would see it as acceptable."

"Because we know you're fully capable to excel," Mr. Henley said.

I looked down at my plate, the puddles of yolk and pieces of crust from my toast. I knew Anastasia was looking at me, probably figuring I was the cause of Roxas's attitude. Which, in a way, I guess I was.

"Am I capable? Or have I been pushing myself to meet your high expectations?"

"We have high expectations of you because we know you can meet them."

Roxas scoffed. "Whatever, I'm going." He got up and pulled on the blazer that was hanging on the back of his chair. "Come on, Kairi. Let's go make mom and dad proud."

Oblivious to the drama unfolding around her, she got up and followed Roxas out of the kitchen, her nose never leaving her text book.

"So…" I said, idly poking at a ceramic horse statue on my caseworker's desk, "This is gonna be it, huh?"

My caseworker, a khakis-wearing prematurely balding man in his thirties, slid the statue out of my reach. "You'll be eighteen in a couple weeks. A legal adult. You'll no longer be under the state's care."

"The state's care?" I laughed at the phrase. "So what am I going to do? I'm still in high school, I have no money, am I just supposed to live on the streets?"

"During our sessions over the past couple years, we've talked about your goals and plans. Look, I even have them in your file." He began to pull out worksheets and documents from the bi-monthly meetings we'd have, laying them out in front of me as if they held all the answers.

"Yeah, but flow charts and activity sheets aren't going to feed and house me once I'm cut loose."

He picked up a particular packet and slid it closer to me. "Remember this one? We talked about life skills necessary for independence, including applying for jobs and budgeting. You filled out the activity perfectly."

"Of course I did, you fed me the answers. Look, I'm not retarded, I know I'm fucked once I'm kicked out of foster care. You guys can do this in good conscience? Set kids up for failure and be able to sleep at night while they're drugging or whoring because they're legally an adult now and the state wants nothing to do with them?"

My caseworker sighed, sweeping my papers into a neat pile. "It's not that we don't want to help, we can't. We don't have the resources. There are around 500,000 kids in foster care at a given time, to sponsor half a million kids until they're ready to fly the coop is unrealistic. I'm sorry."

"So you admit it, I'm fucked."

"There are a few organizations that exist to help kids who have aged out the system. The thing is, there's no guarantee they'll help you. Like us, they have limited resources, too. I can give you a printout of their phone numbers and websites if you'd like."

I buried my face into my hands. I wanted to sob, I was tired of everything. But instead, I let it manifest into anger. "No, it's fine," I grumbled. "I don't need anything from anybody."

"You'll be okay as long as you stay out of trouble. Remember, there's no more juvenile hall, Axel. These are the big leagues. If you fuck up now, you'll wind up spending your life in a prison cell giving handies for an extra bologna sandwich. Find a job, finish school, keep your head down, stay at a homeless shelter if you have to. It's not glamorous, but it's better than the streets or couch-surfing. Get your life together, I know you can do it. You're a smart kid."

He sent me on my way as I silently fumed at the injustice of it all.

When my birthday came, I was out on the street with nothing but a backpack of belongings. I considered listening to my caseworker's advice to take up residence at a shelter, but I didn't have it in me to stoop that low, yet I unironically slept on a park bench until a park employee told me to scram. I never returned to school, I hated that place. And I had no friends, so I was all alone in the world, just another sad statistic.

So, I called up Xigbar and started selling drugs. If I was just going to be a statistic, I was going to be damn good at it.

"Axel, I'm sorry if I came off accusatory yesterday. I didn't mean to."

"It's whatever," I shrugged.

Like most days, Anastasia drove me to my community service. Usually, talking was at a minimum, just because neither of us wanted to deal with the awkwardness that early in the morning. But today she must've felt particularly chatty.

"I just worry about Roxas, that's all."

"Yeah." I picked at my cuticles. "I'm surprised he's not more fucked up with what happened to his real mom and all."

"He told you about her?"

"Uh, briefly. She died giving birth to him, right?"

She nodded solemnly. "There were… a lot of complications. It's heartbreaking, isn't it?"

"Well, if she hadn't died, you wouldn't be living this comfortable, now would you? Isn't Mr. Henley the reason why you're the successful suburban housewife you are today? Her death is sad, I guess. But you can't lie and say you didn't directly benefit from it."

"That's an awful thing to think, Axel."

"Eh." I guess I am an awful person.

I closed my eyes and thought about how much different my life would be if Anastasia had died giving birth to me. Would it even be different? I still would've wound up a ward of the state, but at least I would've grown up without any ill-will or abandonment issues.

But then, I'd never would've met Roxas.

Why did my mind immediately jump to that?

I broke the silence and asked, "Hey, Ana, what is your stance on the gays?"

"What?"

"You know, homosexual people. You down with the queers and lezzies?"

"I have no issue, why? Is this your way of trying to tell me you're gay, Axel?"

"Labels are lame, but I eat both the taco and the hot dog, sometimes in one sitting if I'm really hungry," I stated nonchalantly. I've always just liked who I liked and fucked who I fucked without thinking too hard about it.

"It doesn't bother me, as long as you're happy."

I thought about the conversation over breakfast, how she and Mr. Henley held their children to much higher standards than they'll ever hold me. I knew I was about to tread dangerous waters, but I went for it anyway. "What if Roxas was gay?"

"Roxas has a girlfriend. But even if he was gay, I'd love him the same."

"Would you? What if Kairi was gay, too?"

"Oh, I'd kick her out in a heartbeat."

I furrowed my brows in confusion and gave her an incredulous look. She turned to me with her lips in a hard line and her face as serious as I'd ever seen it. But then it dissolved and she let out a hearty laugh. "I'm kidding, Axel. I can have fun, too. As long as my children are happy, they can love who they love. My parents were really homophobic, I could never be that way."

"Are your parents still alive?" I briefly wondered what it'd be like to have grandparents, a couple of smelly bigoted elderlies who cook well and tell stories about the wars or whatever. In her book, she spoke of getting kicked out of her parents' house as a teen due to flagrant drug use, but I imagine it's because she was pregnant with me.

"Yes, they are. I haven't spoken to them in many, many years though."

"They kicked you out when you got knocked up, huh?"

She sighed sadly. "Yes."

"So you didn't start doing drugs until after?"

"I'm from Ohio. After they kicked me out, I hitchhiked my way to New York City. But living there as a pregnant fifteen year old without a cent to my name was unrealistic, so I wound up in the upstate. I did things I'm not proud of to get by and I became reliant on substances to numb myself."

"Why not just stay close to friends and family? I'm sure your parents would've come around. They were probably just upset in the heat of the moment."

"My parents weren't nice people. I brought them shame. We lived in a very small town, so they just couldn't hide the fact that their youngest daughter was pregnant out of wedlock. They wanted me gone, and I wanted the same."

I frowned at the thought of parents who would just disown their kid over one mistake. "So, what about my dad?"

A tension hung in the air.

"He's not your dad, Axel."

"I mean, I'm no scientist or nothing, but it takes a man and woman to make a kid. If he made me, that means he's my—"

"He's not, Axel," She growled sternly through gritted teeth with a hostility I didn't think she was capable of. "He's nothing. Not to me or to you." She took a sharper turn than necessary into the park parking lot.

Her reaction left me thinking that it was a wound that had not yet healed. Her life was ruined when he got pregnant, but his probably wasn't affected in the least. I wondered if he even knew about me, but I was afraid to ask. I wondered if he was still in Ohio, and I wondered if he had a family of his own now, too. I wondered if I'd ever meet him.

Anastasia reached for a handkerchief from the glove compartment and dabbed at her eyes. I had caused so many tears that day and it wasn't even noon yet. "I'm sorry, Ana, I didn't mean to upset you…" Why was crying my ultimate weakness?

"You didn't. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault."

Who was she trying to convince? Me, or herself?

I threw myself on to my bed to hear my bones creak with sweet relief. Park duties today included lugging huge bags of heavy mulch, so my muscles, a stranger to strenuous activity, throbbed and ached.

"Note to self," I said aloud, "Start working out."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, prepared to nap until dinner time. That is, until I was intrigued by a foreign voice down the hall. A boy's voice.

"Can you believe it? We're almost done with school. I can't wait to never wear a tie again," he said, preceding a hearty chuckle.

"Aren't you going to school for business? You'll be wearing a lot more ties, Sora," Roxas responded, not nearly as amused.

Sora. The name was familiar.

I rolled out of bed and tiptoed to my door which I had left ajar. Peering out into the hallway, I saw Roxas and his acquaintance walking towards his bedroom. The boy was clearly a classmate, dressed in the same uniform, only he had taken off his tie and draped it around his neck. He was small like Roxas, with messy brown hair and large blue eyes exuding optimism.

"Then I'll invest in clip-ons. Real ties make me feel like I'm being strangled. It's like, a metaphor or something."

They disappeared inside the room, where the rest of their conversation became muffled.

I remembered suddenly that Sora was, according to Kairi, Roxas's best friend. And it was strange to think of Roxas having a best friend, considering he wasn't the easiest person to get along with. This Sora kid must've been a real saint.

Feeling audacious, I made my way to Roxas's bedroom door and knocked. "It's me," I announced. "I have something here you might want."

There was grumbling and shuffling on the other side before the door was inched open to reveal a slice of Roxas's annoyed face. "What is it, Axel?"

"My company."

He slammed the door.

"Rude!" I called out.

Suddenly the door reopened, except this time, it was Sora.

"Hi," he greeted jubilantly, giving me a toothy grin. "You must be Axel. I'm Sora. Nice to meet you." He held out his hand. I cautiously took it and we awkwardly shook hands, except he didn't seem to pick up on the awkwardness. He was very perky. I wasn't a huge fan of perky.

Behind him, Roxas sighed. "He's too nice for his own good," he told me. "I could've told him you were an axe-wielding murderer and he'd still be cordial. I mean, I told him all about you, and look at him. Unfazed."

"He seems nice, Roxas," Sora insisted.

"I am nice."

"We we're just about to study. Want to help?"

"No," Roxas deadpanned before I could answer. "He doesn't know the material."

"He doesn't need to know the material if he can read. He can quiz us using our notes. You can read, right, Axel?"

I scratched at my chin. "Uh, I think so."

Roxas sighed. "Do you want to help us, Axel? Don't feel obligated, it's a pity thing."

"It's not pity!" Sora exclaimed. "I just figured you wanted to hang out."

It was already clear that Sora was a lot more pleasant than Roxas. "I appreciate it, but I'm good. I just wanted to harass Roxas a little. It's out of my system, I'll piss off now."

Sora snorted. "You're pretty funny, Axel. Maybe in a bit, we can all grab a bite to eat. We can bring Kairi, too."

Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Sure, I'd love to." I said, looking directly at Roxas as I did. He looked annoyed.

Did Sora know about us, I wondered.

"Mmm, bes' pi-sa in tha worl'," Sora moaned with a big mouthful of greasy molten cheese while his eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head from ecstasy. He swallowed noisily. "I love this place." He had brought us to an old pizza parlor in the center of town. It didn't seem like the type of place a rich kid would frequent, with its kitschy checkered vinyl table colors and large statue of a fat chef standing outside the door, but from what I gathered, he and Roxas came here often.

"I wish they delivered," Kairi added, slapping another slice onto her plate. "I could eat this forever."

"Do you guys, like, not eat enough pizza or something?" I asked them, raising my eyebrows. "It's not that special." It wasn't gross or anything, it just tasted like every other hole-in-the-wall pizzeria.

"What are you talking about?" Sora looked at me like I just told him I hate kittens. "It's the best! Antonio makes the best pizza." As if on cue, one of the pizza chefs came over and greeted him and Roxas by name, offering us spumoni on the house when we finished our pie. Sora chatted animatedly with him for a minute or two before he excused himself back to the kitchen.

It was weird, over-privileged rich kids voluntarily eating cheap shitty pizza. It was such a normal thing, yet strange when they did it.

Roxas who had been quiet for most of our outing, piped up. "It's nice to come here and just… not care."

Kairi nodded in agreement. "When I get my license and car, I'm going to come here every day."

"You'll get fat," Roxas told her.

"It'll be worth it."

"Oh, shoot," Sora said, a sad look of realization on his face, "We should've invited Xion. She loves this place too. Come to think of it, she wasn't in school today. Is she okay?"

I pressed my lips into a hard line and took a few gulps of my soda so that the carbonation would hold down any sass I wanted so badly to expel.

"Yeah." Roxas looked down at his plate that was littered with pizza crust. I never trusted people who don't eat the crust. "She's fine. She wasn't feeling too good yesterday so I guess she took the day off."

"Maybe we can order a couple slices to go and drop them off at her house," Sora suggested. How could someone so thoughtful choose to spend so much of their time with a dickhead like Roxas?

"A nice gesture, but she should probably rest and eat healthy food."

So Roxas hadn't told Sora anything. Not about Xion, at least. But it'd be crazy to think Roxas would divulge to anyone about us when he didn't even want to acknowledge it most of the time. Why did I like Roxas so much? He was cute, sure, but aside from that his redeeming qualities were few and far between. And why did he like me? I wasn't attractive at all, and I was crass and poor.

All of a sudden, I could feel a stare on me. It was Sora. He was watching me with a small smile. "I like your eyes," he said when I met his gaze. "Like, I really like them. They're beautiful." The compliment aroused the immediate attention of the two siblings.

"Uhm, thanks?"

Sora let out a yelp and his smiling face transformed into a pained wince. "Ow…" He reached under the table to rub his shin which I assume Roxas had just kicked at under the table. "What did you do that for?"

"Accident," Roxas grumbled. Was that some bitterness I detected in his tone?

Kairi chuckled. "Axel does have very nice eyes, though. They're different than mom's."

"They're just eyes."

"You don't like them?" I asked him, feigning offense. I batted my eyelashes at him for good measure.

Roxas harrumphed.

"You could be totally a model, Axel," Kairi said. "You're tall and thin and have really good cheekbones."

"Models usually have to be attractive and not covered in tattoos," Roxas frowned, getting progressively more upset. At this point, it became a game.

"You think so, Kai?" I started to pose, sucking in my cheeks and puckering my lips. "I'm ready for my close-up," I said in a deep, sultry voice.

Kairi and Sora laughed while Roxas crossed his arms over his chest. Was he jealous that I was the center of attention?

We finished up our pizza and free spumoni and Sora left a fat tip on the table as we got up to leave. It dawned on me that the pizzeria must've been making bank on these kids if they came in every so often and left tips like that every time. We got into Sora's car, a nice dark blue SUV, and began our drive back the house. Sora and Roxas sat in the front, a silence between them, while me and Kairi sat in the back. I was having fun pointing out all the cup holders the car had, while she laughed and tried to suggest a scenario where one backseat passenger would need three drinks.

When we pulled up to the house, it was about seven o'clock. Sora dropped us off and bid us farewell.

Kairi immediately went upstairs to take a shower while I decided to linger downstairs, opting to throw myself on the couch next to Mr. Henley who was watching the nightly news. Roxas followed, taking a seat in the recliner.

"Hey dad," he greeted.

"Hey kiddo, how it's going?"

I suddenly felt like I was intruding on some crucial father-son time. To escape the awkwardness, I went to pull out my phone, only to realize it wasn't in my front pocket. "Shit," I murmured, standing up and feeling around all my pockets.

"Looking for something, Ax?" Mr. Henley asked me.

"Yeah, my phone. I think I left it in Sora's car."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Hold on, I'll call him and tell him to turn around." He pulled out his own cell and Sora answered on the first ring. "Axel left his phone… uh-huh… Alright. Sorry. Thanks." He hung up the call. "He's turning around now, go wait outside."

With my tail between my legs, I shuffled out the front door. I sat down on the front step, admiring the freshly manicured lawn that traced the cobblestone driveway. Apparently, the Henleys had a gardener that came twice a week in the morning that I was never here for or awake for to see, so every time I was out front, it was like the lawn was magically cut and the bushes were shaped by flower nymphs.

Sora hadn't gotten too far, so within a couple minutes he was pulling back up the driveway. He parked in front of me and rolled down his window. "Hey stranger," he called out.

I stood up and walked over. "Hey, I'm really sorry—"

"It's fine!" He interjected, his smile as big as ever. "It's not a big deal, really. I lose and forget stuff all the time. It's a good thing my head is attached to me or else I probably would've lost it by now," he joked. He presented his hand, with my phone pinched between his index and middle finger.

I went to grab it but he pulled his hand away. "Wait," he said. I quirked an eyebrow at him. "I was wondering if you'd like to hang out sometime. Just you and me."

"Holy shit," I said in realization. "You were hitting on me at the pizzeria. That's why Roxas kicked you." For some reason, when I don't know which emotion I'm supposed to present in social situations, I just laugh uncomfortably. "Why me?"

"Because I like you?" He seemed confused at my question.

"You don't know me."

"I know, silly. That's why we should hang out."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Images of a pissed off Roxas flooded my brain, and a montage of every asshole thing he has said and done played on repeat. I already had sex with his girlfriend, how much worse would it be to date his best friend? When you hit rock bottom, you can't go any further.

"Are you fucking with me? Is this a prank?" I asked him. "Are you and Roxas just going to laugh about this later?"

He shook his head. "I would actually prefer if Roxas didn't know. He's not the most… understanding person ever."

"Understatement of the century."

Sora held my phone out to me. "I put my phone number in there already. Call or text me, okay?"

"You do know I'm twenty-five, right? I don't want to go to jail."

"Again," Sora added with a chuckle.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Anyway, I'm eighteen. Technically an adult. So it's 'all good in the hood'."

"Christ."

"So you'll hang out with me?"

"We'll see." I took my phone from his hand. He was smiling brightly, his eyes glimmering. He kind of reminded me of Roxas, in that he had the same boyish charm.

What was it with these private school kids and their attraction to burnouts?

"What was that about?"

I was shirtless and in the midst of pulling off my jeans when Roxas burst through my bedroom door without knocking.

"Jesus, a little privacy, please?"

He shut the door behind him. "I've seen your penis already. Plus, you have briefs on."

"That's not the point, at all."

"Are you going to answer me?"

"I will when you specify."

"You and Sora were talking."

"Were you watching us out the window? Am I not allowed to talk to him? Are you jealous?"

"Leave my friends alone."

"Leave me alone." I kicked my jeans off in his general direction. "Go away so I can take a shower."

Roxas reached behind him and locked the door, his demeanor doing a complete one-eighty. "Shower with me."

I looked at him skeptically. "Are you serious?"

But he was already pulling his shirt off, revealing his toned chest and subtle abs. He sauntered over to me and wrapped his arms around my midsection. When he looked up at me, I wanted to melt. Before I knew it, we were kissing. I reached down and unbuttoned his chinos, helping him step out of them. He led me towards the bathroom door and he pressed me against it. He was taking charge.

"Warm the water," He instructed when we pulled apart. My lust was too potent for me to argue, so I opened the bathroom door and went straight to the knobs on the shower, setting it to a happy medium between warm and scalding. When I returned to the bedroom, Roxas was completely nude, his boxers laying in a heap by his feet.

It was my first time seeing Roxas naked, so I took a moment to admire him, starting from his disheveled blond hair, to his chest and stomach, and then down to his semi-hard cock. He had a tan line from his bathing suit, his milky skin contrasting against his golden tan. My staring made him fidget and blush, all confidence he was exuding earlier instantly evaporating. "S-stop looking," he commanded in a shaky voice.

"Roxas," I said softly.

"W-what?"

"You're gorgeous."

He walked over to me and captured my lips in his. We made our way to the shower and I reached down to peel my own underwear off. Despite already seeing me naked, Roxas still looked as if he hadn't.

I stepped into the shower first, taking one for the team in case the water hadn't fully heated up yet. Luckily, it was just right, and I held the curtain open and beckoned for Roxas to come in, too.

Once we were in, we kind of looked at each other expectantly, not quite knowing what to do next. Roxas's hair flattened in the spray, falling over his eyes. I pushed his fringe away so I could look into his eyes which looked even brighter under the bathroom's fluorescents. He crinkled his nose at me, probably because I was staring a little too hard.

He laced his fingers through mine and smiled. "I like you, Axel," he said, having to speak up over the water.

"Only sometimes."

"All the time," he disputed. "I'm just not good with feelings."

"No shit," I laughed.

"Do you like me?"

"That's a dumb question to ask while you're naked in my shower." I leaned down and planted a kiss on his wet forehead. "I like you when you're being nice, like this."

His finger began to trace figure eights on my sternum, over my shitty tattoo of a calavera skull, as he averted his gaze. "It's hard."

I raised my eyebrows. "Your dick?"

"No, you pervert. It's hard to… to do this."

"To be nice?"

"To be honest with myself."

"Your mood swings are beginning to be too much," I admitted. "Either you like me or you don't, you gotta pick one and stick to it. If you're gonna be all lovey-dovey now, you better not act like a witch's tit tomorrow morning."

He sighed, hanging his head down, watching the torrents of water flow past our feet. "Okay," he finally said. "You're right."

I angled his chin up with my hand and kissed him on the lips this time.

"Axel, this is probably going to sound really stupid, but can you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Can you…" He trailed off, struggling for either the words or the courage.

"Can I what?"

"Can you promise that you'll only do this with me…?"

"Do what? Take showers? I dunno, I like taking showers by myself."

"No, I mean, don't do stuff like this with anybody else… but… me."

Roxas looked so fragile and innocent when he said it, and I figured it was because he was putting his insecurities on full display. He was shattering his harsh exterior and showing me he did have emotions other than anger, annoyance, and arousal.

"I haven't had sex since—" I stopped myself from saying her name. "It's been awhile. I don't suddenly have people banging down the door to get in line to fuck me. Well, besides you," I teased.

"Promise me."

"I promise I won't do anything with anyone else, Roxas. But you have to promise you'll be nicer to me and will stop doing that whole 'nothing happened' bullshit you like to do."

He mulled it around in his head for a few seconds. "Deal," he said, presenting his pinkie finger to me. I looked at it for a few seconds before realizing what it is he wanted. I interlaced my pinkie with his and gave it a couple shakes. It was such a childish gesture, so unlike Roxas to do. I couldn't remember the last time I pinkie promised someone.

If Roxas was this sweet and demure all the time, he'd probably be a happier person. Hell, we'd all be happier people.

"Well, while we're in here, we might as well do actual shower stuff," I said, reaching for the bottle of shampoo.

Roxas laughed. It was a sound I would never get tired of. "Yeah, I guess."

Going back to my previous thought about Roxas and everyone being happier if he was sweet all the time, I realized then he wouldn't be Roxas, he'd just be like another Sora.

Sora.

Suddenly, I realized this wasn't about Roxas liking me, this was about him being jealous. I was stupid to think Roxas had finally turned a corner. He was used to having everything he wanted, and Sora coming onto me threatened that. He must've been listening to our conversation outside, or must've still had Sora's flirtatious compliment on the forefront of his mind. Jealousy was the motivator here.

Upon my realization, I set the shampoo bottle down, noticing that Roxas had been staring at me while I thought in silence.

"Axel?"

"You're such a piece of shit," I sighed. "Get out."

"What?" He asked, completely flabbergasted. "What did I do?"

"You're just afraid I might take Sora up on his offer and realize he's a lot more pleasant and fun to be around than you'll ever be. Or maybe you're afraid Sora will like me more than you."

"What are you talking about? Sora? What's he got to do with anything?"

"Don't play stupid, it doesn't suit you. I know you were listening to us outside, and how Sora likes me."

"Sora likes everyone, Axel," he spat. "And no, I wasn't listening to your conversation. I just noticed you were out there for a while so I was afraid you and Sora were talking about me because I'm insecure garbage, okay?"

I chewed on my bottom lip. The water was starting to get cold.

"I'm not jealous of Sora, and I definitely won't be if you date him because why would I be jealous of someone who wastes their time on a criminal who has the emotional capacity of a worm." He shoved me and I had to grab onto the shower curtain rod to prevent myself from slipping. "You really think I'm in here trying to tell you how much I like you because I'm afraid Sora will steal you away?"

I didn't know what to say.

"But thanks for telling me. Now I know what awful taste Sora has." He pulled open the shower curtain and stepped out, grabbing a big towel from the shelf. "I was so stupid to think you actually liked me. You're just a pervert who puts your dick in everything your conscience will allow. So go ahead, fuck Sora, what does it matter. You already fucked Xion. Who's next? My dad? Mom? Kairi? Aunt Hilda?"

"You're disgusting," I told him.

"You clearly have some sort of complex when it comes to sex, so maybe you should sort that out," he said mockingly.

I clambered out of the shower, not even bothering to turn the water off. The open shower curtain was leading to a huge puddle on the floor that I didn't notice. "You want to take about complexes, maybe you should look in the mirr—"

Before I could finish my sentence, slipped in the puddle, my feet sliding forward out from under me. I could feel myself falling backwards but I had nothing to grab onto. In those last split seconds, I looked to Roxas's face, his expression going from virulent to concerned. In slow motion, I watched him try to reach out for me, but it was too late. I hit my head on the front of the tub and I was out.