A/N: Look, I updated within the span of a year.

chapter fourteen;
valedictorians like dick

I had never been to a graduation before, let alone a graduation for a prestigious rich kid academy, so I wasn't sure what to expect. All I knew was that I felt entirely out of place in the sea of wealthy folk with their shiny hair, clear skin, fur shawls, cuff links, and haughty disinterest. Many glanced at me and blatantly stared and whispered, probably wondering what someone like me was doing there. I wanted to sink low in the auditorium chair and let it fold up and swallow me whole.

"You look really good, Axel," Kairi said out of nowhere, and I imagine I had been making a constipation face and she was trying to lighten the mood. "Your tie brings out the color of your eyes."

"It is rather nice, isn't it?" Ana added from my left side, "You and Roxas did a good job."

Mr. Henley dramatically cleared his throat.

"And, of course, you too, dear," she appended, letting out a small polite laugh and putting her hand over his on the armrest.

A couple weeks prior, us men were tasked with heading into town to get fitted for our formal wear for this momentous occasion. We ended up at some boutique with a French name, and the cute young sales clerk who was taking my measurements was not subtle in her flirtation. She insisted on a red tie to go with my "amazing" hair, but Roxas bitterly and aggressively interjected that I was getting the patterned green tie he picked out, and I wasn't going to argue with the angry chihuahua and neither was she. Especially since said chihuahua was covered in bruises like he participated in back alley MMA.

Roxas was very jealous and possessive, and since his full admittance of feelings, both to me and himself, I was facing the full brunt of it on a regular basis. Later that night, when he snuck into my room after everyone was asleep, which had become a regular occurrence since our return from the cabin, he was huffier and puffier than usual.

"Do you like her?" He asked accusingly as he stood at the foot of my bed.

I blinked away the sleep that had already begun to take me. "Huh? What?"

"The girl at La Loire; the large breasted blonde who was feeling on you."

"The clerk who was measuring my long ass arms and legs?" I asked incredulously. "Roxas, go to sleep. It's midnight and I'm tired."

He hopped up on the bed and straddled my waist, pressing his clammy palms into my sternum. "Don't avoid the question. You thought she was pretty. You were flirting with her."

"No, I was being friendly. You should try it sometime. Now," I wrapped my arms around him and rolled us over to our sides, careful of my still-busted hand, "Bed time."

"Axel..."

"You're being silly. Besides, I'm technically single." This was our current hot-button issue, because an admittance of feelings did not a relationship make.

"Don't be like that," he grumbled into my bare chest, and I held him close until we fell asleep. A lot of our nights ended like this, but I preferred it to denial, assholery, and silent treatments of before.

The auditorium lights dimmed and the music started, played by a live band of underclassmen situated below the stage, and the graduating class marched in swathed in their navy blue gowns and caps with gold tassels. It wasn't a large graduating class, so it wasn't hard to spot Roxas, especially since he was nearly a head shorter than most his classmates. I was able to spot Sora too, his hair sticking out haphazardly from underneath his hat, and I scanned for Xion and saw her marching slightly wobbly with her very tall heels.

"I wish he would smile," Ana sighed.

"He can't help that he's got a resting bitch face," I leaned in and whispered to her.

"Do I have a resting bitch face, too?" Kairi asked innocently.

Anastasia opened her mouth like she was going to answer or maybe chide her for saying 'bitch', but the uppity lady sitting behind her shushed us, so I turned to Kairi and shook my head. I concluded that resting bitch face must come from Roxas's biological mom's side of the gene pool.

After all the graduates had marched in and filled the front row seats, the music died down and a white-haired old man stood at the podium on stage and began his generic speech about how proud he was of the graduates and how they were going to achieve great things, blah blah blah. I zoned out and instead tried to find where Roxas was sitting but it was harder to find him from behind while he was seated.

"...ian, Roxas Henley!"

Applause erupted and Kairi let out a cheer. I was snapped out of my reverie. Roxas, who had been dead center of the second row, stood and made his way to the stage with his shoulders back and his spine straight, moving his short legs in even, calculated strides. I wouldn't be surprised if he had been practicing his stage walk for months.

"What happened?" I leaned over and asked Kairi.

"He's valedictorian," she excitedly whispered back. I gave her a confused look because that sounded like a venereal disease, and she elaborated, "He's top of his class."

"Oh, wow," I said, genuinely impressed. I knew Roxas was smart, but I didn't know he was top of his class smart. I figured all these rich private school kids had brains.

Roxas climbed up the stairs on the side of the stage and assumed his position next to the old man, who must've been the principal or something. They shook hands and a shiny gold satin sash was draped over his shoulders. I noticed Anastasia had her cellphone out and had started recording with it.

The principal, or whatever he was, stepped away from the podium and Roxas went up to it, angling the microphone downwards to be more conducive with his stature. "It is a great honor," he began, his smooth boy-band voice amplified through the wall mounted speakers throughout. I knew he couldn't see me from where he was, but I smiled at him, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of adoration. I was proud of him, I realized. "I have been working tirelessly the past few years to achieve this. First and foremost, I want to thank my mother and father for persistently pushing me towards success and reminding me what I'm capable of, and I also want to thank my sister, Kairi, and my step-brother, Axel, for keeping me grounded and reminding me that I am, indeed, human." A few gentle laughs were elicited in the crowd. "It's been a long road, but my journey isn't over yet. In fact, it is still just beginning. I wish I could say I will miss you all, but I won't. Most of you are assholes. Thank you, and go fuck yourselves."

My smiling face contorted in shock, as I'm sure most of the crowds' did, as Roxas casually stepped down. The principal stood off to the side with his eyes wide, mouth agape, hands clenching and unclenching, clearly unsure of how to proceed. In his many years, he probably never had a valedictorian tell the crowd to go fuck themselves before.

The murmurs started and he quickly resumed his spot at the podium to save the show. "Uh, yes, another round of applause for our valedictorian, beacon of academic achievement, Roxas Henley!"

Hesitant, disjointed claps filled the air. But I wasn't having it. I stood up and slapped my hands together as loud as I could, and Kairi stood and followed suit. To my surprise, Anastasia and Mr. Henley stood and applauded, too. If this were some campy movie about finding your voice and sticking up for yourself or what have you, the whole auditorium would've erupted into a standing ovation. But this was real life, and instead the crowd eyed us like we were gum stuck to the bottom of their tennis shoes. After a few seconds of our awkward applauding spectacle, we stopped and sat back down. The principal moved the graduation forward.

"That was a good fuckin' speech," I said to no one in particular. "Tough crowd."

"A little inappropriate, but he definitely got his point across," Mr. Henley added.

"I hope he doesn't get in trouble," Kairi said. "I don't even think Roxas has ever gotten in trouble."

The lady sitting behind us who shushed us before loudly said to the person next to her, "See? This is why you shouldn't let drug addicts raise children." My family simultaneously tensed up but opted for maturity and didn't acknowledge her, which only made the vile woman continue. "She can write as many books as she wants about her sob story and 'overcoming it', but at the end of the day, her son can't even conduct himself properly. Really says a lot, doesn't it?"

I had been trying to work on my temper. I'd even been spending a decent amount of time with Mr. Henley in his home office to talk about my anger, despite my distrust and blatant disrespect for therapy, because I didn't want to hurt anyone else. And I don't know if I was feeling overprotective of Anastasia or Roxas or both, but I whipped around to face her. She looked like the physical embodiment of the phrase "I want to speak with a manager", her botox and face-fillers evident, as she looked down at us in disdain. Beside her was a man at least twenty years her senior who must've been her husband.

"Which one of those little angels is yours?" I asked her, using all my willpower to keep my voice even. "Actually, ma'am, it doesn't matter. They weren't valedictorian, that's for sure."

She sneered at me with the purest form of disgust and I felt Kairi loop her arm around mine like it would stop me from leaping out of my seat and going for the lady's throat. She didn't have to worry, though. I was controlling my breathing, which is something Mr. Henley told me to do when I was feeling my temper go hot.

'When you focus on slow breathing, you're taking some edge off your anger.'

Through my nose; in, out. In, out.

"Axel," Anastasia started to say, her voice grossly calm like some bitch hadn't been blatantly insulting her.

In, out. It really wasn't helping that much, I could still feel the venom burning in the back of my throat.

"How about you focus more on finding a hair stylist who isn't mentally handicapped because your highlights look awful," I spat, unable to hold it in any longer, "And hiring a specialist to dislodge the bitch stick from your twat before you get toxic shock syndrome, and picking up your husband's Cialis from the pharmacy so he can finally get it up for you."

"E-excuse me?" She sputtered, standing up from her seat and drawing the attention of the people around us. Up on the stage, the principal had begun calling names for diplomas. "How dare you. Do you know who I am?"

"A cunt?"

Before I knew it, I was being escorted out by an usher who walked fast and spoke in a hushed voice. Old Axel would've caused a scene and fought against it but I didn't want to ruin the day; not for Roxas, not for my family or the families of the other graduates, so I went along without issue and told Anastasia, Mr. Henley, and Kairi not to worry about it when they all seemed like they wanted to protest my removal.

The lady looked pleased as punch with herself and I mentally prayed to whatever higher power existed that she'd contract a bad case of scabies.

I did a walk of shame through the aisle and down the stairs, and out through the metal double doors into the lobby. I garnered a few more looks but I ignored them.

"You can stay out here until the ceremony is over," the usher curtly told me before heading back inside.

I sighed and walked over to the little seating area they had. There was a small concession stand but it was unmanned, which was a shame because my mouth was dry and I wanted something fizzy. I glanced around. The lobby was completely empty, not a soul in sight, which meant there was no one around to stop me from hopping over the counter and helping myself to a soda. So, that's what I did.

There was a fridge stocked with bottled soft drinks and I rifled through it trying to decide if I wanted root beer or orange soda.

"Grab me a Sprite, would you?"

I quickly whipped around, and leaning against the counter was Roxas in his cap and gown, gold sash still in place. Part of me thought his valedictorian status would be revoked after his stunt on stage.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. "Shouldn't you be, like, graduating or something?"

He waved his hand dismissively. "I'll head back in before they call me back up on stage. I saw you being escorted out so I wanted to see what you could've possibly done to get kicked out of a high school graduation."

"A lady was talking shit so I talked shit back." I placed the bottle of Sprite on the counter for him and one-handedly untwisted the cap on the orange soda I decided on and took a big sip. "I'm surprised you didn't get kicked out for your little valley-dick-torian speech. What was that about?"

Roxas bunched up his shoulders.

"Very uncharacteristic of you," I continued, leaning against the counter. "Hearing you say 'fuck' and 'asshole' is weird. It feels like it should be illegal."

He took a sip of his own soda and belched, which is another thing he would never do before. I didn't even know he had the capability of burping and farting. "I guess you're rubbing off on me," he said simply.

"I'm not so sure that's a good thing."

He leaned against the other side of the counter, mirroring me. The blue and gold looked incredible on him, almost as if those colors were tailored specifically to harmonize his complexion and features. His left eye was back to normal, but his face hadn't completely healed. Anastasia covered his remaining yellowish-brown splotches with high-end concealer before we left the house and you couldn't even tell they were there anymore.

"Axel," he said as he stared back at me, "You look very handsome."

I couldn't help but laugh and my amusement made him frown.

"What?" He demanded with furrowed brows.

"I dunno," I said, not wanting to admit how silly it was to have someone younger than me unironically call me handsome, especially when I looked like a fool in my nice expensive suit with my overall degenerate appearance and broken hand. "But thank you," I said. "You look very beautiful, and if this counter wasn't in the way, I'd twirl you and dip you and kiss you like in the movies."

"That's a little gay, Axel."

"Are you telling me you wouldn't like it?"

"Not the twirling or dipping."

"Kissing is okay, though?"

"Kissing is okay," he affirmed.

So, I reached across the counter, an effortless task thanks to my long torso, and placed a gentle peck on his lips.

"Alright," I said as I pulled away, "You were right, that is gay."

Roxas rolled his eyes, grabbed the sides of my face to pull me back, and aggressively mashed his mouth against mine. Over the past few weeks, we'd only kissed a few times and it was usually at my initiation. Roxas still had a lot of barriers and I was letting him work through them at his own pace, but we seemed to be moving in the right direction as he put his tongue in my mouth.

"Um," a small voice vocalized, and we pulled away from each other in record speed. I nearly chomped Roxas's tongue off in the process.

Kairi was standing just outside of the auditorium doors with her eyes the size of dinner plates as she gawped at us like we were an alien species.

"Sorry. I just... I wanted to..." she tried to say, her cheeks as pink as her cocktail dress. Clearly flustered and confused, she just turned around and walked right back through the door, presumably to process what she just saw.

"Oh, fuck," Roxas said, "Fuck, fuck, fuck." His voice grew louder with each successive 'fuck'.

"Rox—" I tried.

"Fuck!" He shouted before turning on the heel of his shiny leather loafers and heading back into the auditorium after her.

I stood completely still. My heart felt like it was ricocheting around my chest cavity. After the events of the past few weeks, I couldn't imagine what was going through Kairi's head. I just wanted to talk to her so I could explain everything, but how do you explain to a fourteen year old that her brothers have feelings for each other without sounding completely depraved? And how do you imply that she should absolutely not tell anyone about it while simultaneously making it seem like it's not that big of a deal?

Roxas's forgotten Sprite sat in front of me and I knew I should probably get out from behind the concession counter before someone official came in and caught me. I was already in enough shit. I hopped back over and threw away the soda bottle evidence before resigning myself to pacing the perimeter of the lobby helplessly while hoping Kairi didn't immediately return to Anastasia and Mr. Henley with the details of our sin.

I contemplated going back in the auditorium but I knew I probably wouldn't get far before being escorted back out. All I could do was wait, but I wasn't even sure what it is I was waiting for. What awaited me? What awaited Roxas?

I was more concerned with what would happen to him than me. I could handle whatever the Henleys could throw at me—anger, disgust, rejection, eviction—but Roxas, who, as per Kairi, had never been in trouble before, couldn't. Roxas lived off of approval and his pursuit of perfection.

In. Out. In. Out.

Why was it so impossible to not find myself in some sort of situation? Why couldn't I just live a quiet peaceful life that didn't play out like a trashy daytime drama?

I felt my cellphone buzz from the inside pocket of my suit jacket. I reached in and fished it out, seeing I had a text notification from Roxas.

Everything is fine. She won't say anything.

The message felt ominous, and I briefly considered the possibility that he killed Kairi to silence her.

My phone buzzed again, this time it was a text from Kairi. I breathed a sigh of relief.

y didnt u just tell me? :(

After the ceremony, everyone spilled into the lobby and I reunited with the Henleys. Anastasia was dabbing happy tears from her eyes and Mr. Henley had his arm slung around Roxas's shoulders with a big dad-smile. Kairi immediately came to my side and clung to my arm, clearly no longer bothered by the brotherly tonsil hockey she witnessed before. I wanted to know what Roxas said to her but I couldn't exactly ask either of them with everyone around, so my only option was to play it cool and act like I wasn't on the cusp of a nervous breakdown.

"Don't worry, Axel," she said as we made our way towards the exit, "You didn't miss much. It was pretty boring. The only good part was Roxas making everyone mad with his valedictorian speech but you saw that part."

I noticed the other people around us were shooting Roxas, and the rest of us by extension, disdainful looks, but he seemed unbothered and almost smug about it. This Roxas was of a different species than the Roxas I met months ago.

"So, Rox," Mr. Henley piped up, his voice booming with pride, "You're the graduate so you get to decide where we go out to eat."

Most people would've used this as an opportunity to get a New York strip or caviar or king crab or something, but instead Roxas said he wanted pizza, and I was reminded that rich kids existed in an inverse dimension where shitty cheap Italian food was the delicacy.

"Pizza it is!"

We were very overdressed as we sat at the vinyl-covered table at the downtown pizzeria Roxas, Sora, Kairi, and I were at not too long ago. Roxas and his dad opted to leave their jackets and ties in the car so I followed their example, thankful for the liberation. Kairi stuffed the edge of a napkin into the neckline of her dress as a makeshift bib so tomato sauce and grease wouldn't stain it, and Anastasia unpinned her hair and let her mass of red curls fall over her shoulders. There was a collective sense of unwinding and I could tell this was almost therapeutic for them.

There wasn't much in way of conversation except for idle small-talk as we waited for our two pizza pies. Kairi and Roxas were acting like everything was completely normal and it made me uneasy.

"...Axel?"

Apparently someone had been speaking to me but I was too busy staring out the window into the parking lot. Mr. Henley's Mercedes was the nicest car out there by far. "Huh?"

"I asked if you were feeling okay," Anastasia said, her carefully sculpted eyebrows knitted in concern. "You were upset before."

"I'm fine," I told her. I had forgotten about the lady from the auditorium entirely because I had a new issue, but upon being reminded, I started to get pissed again. "It's weird that you guys weren't more upset. Does that happen a lot or something?"

"Yeah," Kairi said before Ana could answer. She was absentmindedly running her finger through the condensation on the side of her cup of fountain cola. "We're used to it."

"Oh, was someone being judgmental?" Roxas asked like it was a complete nonissue, like I was being ridiculous for getting worked up over it. "That's what you got kicked out over?"

I gave them all an incredulous look.

"I'm not ashamed of myself or my family," Anastasia simply stated, shrugging her shoulders. "The words and judgments of others don't affect me. I willingly put myself on display, my shame and my shortcomings, and if people don't want to look past that, that's on them."

I never thought about the fact that Roxas and Kairi might've had to deal with this kind of bullshit their whole lives. The entire world knew really personal and negative things about their mom, even if it was omitting crucial details, and people undoubtedly used it against them, judged them for it. Kairi had a faraway look on her face and I remembered something she said to me not too long after I met her.

"Everyone in the country knows. But everyone has things they're not proud of, right? She just doesn't hide it; she wears it on the outside because she overcame it."

They were picked on for having a drug addict mom, and they resigned themselves to it. What else could they do?

"It was valiant of you to stick up for us," Mr. Henley said. "But it's not worth the consequences. And Roxas, you should not be perpetuating the negative opinions of us, you're only making it worse. We have to show them we are above that."

Usually I agreed with Mr. Henley, he always seemed like the most level-headed and sensical person in the family, but I couldn't even pretend to go along with the shit that fell out of his mouth. "That is such bullshit," I bit, "Roxas didn't make anything worse."

"No, dad is right. I shouldn't have said what I said in my speech. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself," I argued, feeling myself getting more and more heated by the second.

In. Out. Why wasn't the breathing thing working?

"You have to pick your battles, Axel," Mr. Henley said, unfazed by my aggressive disagreement. "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar."

"That's being a pushover. How are you going to accuse a seventeen year old of," air quotes, "perpetuating negative opinions," end air quotes, "when all he did was stick up for himself to all the people who have given him shit over the years? Don't blame Roxas."

"You're right, Axel," he conceded. "But I don't wholly agree with Roxas's avenue. He could've jeopardized his future."

I turned to Roxas who seemed indifferent. "Roxas, what do you want out of life?"

"What an interesting question for casual pizzeria conversation," he snarked. "Are you going to ask me about my feelings, too?"

"No, seriously," I said. "Everyone tells you what your future should be, but I want to know what you want. What do you wanna major in? What kind of career do you want? Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

Roxas glanced at his mother and father who eyed him with curiosity, awaiting his answer. I was astounded that neither of them had thought to ask him themselves.

"I don't know," he finally said.

"That's normal," Anastasia quickly followed up. "You're not supposed to know exactly what you want yet."

Mr. Henley suddenly looked almost downtrodden and guilty, like the realization I had dawned on him, too. "Roxas, no matter what you decide to do, your mother and I will love you and be proud of you."

"Are you sure?" Roxas asked. "What if I don't want to go to university in the fall?"

A sudden tension filled the air and I glanced down at the red and white checkered pattern on the tablecloth to avoid the situation I inadvertently created. To my mother and Mr. Henley, it probably seemed like this shift in his attitude was my doing, and maybe, in a way, it was.

"Roxas, just go to college," I said, breaking the silence. "Don't be stupid."

"I want to travel after high school," Kairi piped up. "Can I do that?"

"Follow your hearts," Anastasia said in almost-defeat, leaning back against the wooden chair. "Your father speaks truth; we will love you both regardless of what you do. And I'm sorry if we ever made you two feel like we wouldn't. We only wanted the best for you."

Before the conversation could get any tenser, our pizzas were brought out; the greasy meat monstrosity Roxas and I picked, and a less-unhealthy pizza that was slathered in mushrooms that Anastasia insisted on. With food in our mouths, there was no more room for family quarreling, but the quiet felt almost oppressive.

A couple slices in, Roxas cleared his throat. "I have something to tell you all."

I had a piece of excess cheese pinched between my thumb and forefinger that I was about to drop in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a worm to her chick. I froze in that position, already having a feeling in the pit of my stomach about what Roxas was about to do.

All eyes were on him.

"I'm gay," he said. And then he reached over and slopped another slice of pizza onto his plate.

There was a soft knock on my bedroom door and I knew it had to be Anastasia because Roxas would've just let himself in, Kairi always knocked a little tune that she would make me guess when I opened the door, and Mr. Henley knocked like I was hearing impaired.

"Come in," I called out because I didn't feel like getting off my bed.

She let herself in and closed the door behind her.

"Up for a chat?" She asked, but the fact she had already walked in and closed the door let me know that it wasn't optional.

We had gotten home just an hour before and everyone immediately scattered when we breached the front door. I tried following Roxas into his room to talk to him but he closed the door in my face and locked it, leaving me feeling confused and dejected and a little pissy.

The Henleys didn't take his coming out poorly, but it did kind of compound with the preexisting awkwardness and tension. They didn't say much, which isn't good, but it isn't bad, either. The car ride home was the worst part and everyone avoided confrontation by looking at their phones, myself included. I texted Riku about what a fun day I was having, which was met with a 'lol'. Even Kairi didn't have much to say, but I figured she already gathered Roxas's affinity for dudes when she saw us in the lobby. And I still didn't know how Roxas had diffused that situation.

"Yeah, sure," I said apprehensively, sitting up and scooting back against the headboard. Anastasia shifted some clothes I had lazily thrown onto the overstuffed chair in the corner and sat down in it.

"You already knew," she said. It was a statement, not a question. "That's why you asked me what I'd do if Roxas was gay."

"I had a feeling," I lied.

"I'm a bad mom. I had no idea. James had no idea, either."

"Are you guys disappointed?"

"Of course not," she said. She sighed. "Does any of this have anything to do with you?"

My heart just about stopped.

"Like," she continued, "His speech, his coming out, and sudden decision that he no longer wants to go to school?"

Heart resumed normal beating patterns.

"No, that's entirely him," I said. "He doesn't talk to me about stuff like that. I had no idea about any of those things until they happened. I know you want something or someone to blame but have you considered it's rap music and violent video games destroying America's youth and not poor innocent Axel?"

"I'm not trying to blame you, I'm just trying to understand Roxas. That's what I've wanted since I met him when he was a toddler. Even James can't figure out what he's thinking most of the time. He's doesn't open up to either of us anymore, but he does spend a lot of time with you now so I thought, maybe, he's opening up to you instead."

I shook my head. Roxas was opening up to me bit by bit, but not about anything pertinent. He was more so just coming to terms with his feelings. He never once mentioned the idea of ditching school or telling his parents he likes dick, but he did one night tell me he had never had chili cheese fries before which blew my mind.

She changed the subject, coming to the conclusion she wasn't going to get anything useful out of me. "Have you put anymore thought into what you want to do?"

She was referring to my living situation. I had finished up my community service, and since my hand was broken I spent my last few service hours doing practically nothing, much to the park manager's dismay. But I showed up and fulfilled my obligation so I was finally free. The extra time in the day meant more time sleeping and more time with Roxas.

I smiled at the latter thought.

"Well?"

"Oh, uh. No, not really."

"Well, my offer still stands. I was doing some research and there's a technical college not too far from here that offers G.E.D courses and some trade schooling, if you're interested."

"Yeah, maybe," I said to pacify her. Truth was part of me planned on leaving when Roxas went off to Pennsylvania. But I hadn't even told him that yet. In fact, Roxas and I rarely talked logistics. However, if he was staying, maybe I would stay, too.

Anastasia suddenly stood up. "I want you to see something," she said as she made her way to the door. She beckoned me with her hand, insinuating she wanted me to follow. I slid off my bed and complied, following her down the hallway and up the stairs to the third floor loft which was essentially her writing office.

I had only been up there a few times because I never had much a reason to be there. It was filled with bookshelves and had a big L-shaped desk that held a computer, notebooks, pens, binders, an expensive printer, and other shit just kinda strewn around. I ogled the shelves because some of them were filled with framed photos, mostly of Roxas and Kairi, and knick-knacks instead of books. I stopped walking when I saw a strange, yet familiar, face.

Anastasia turned around to see what caught my eye. "I've had that picture for ages," she said, "But I've only framed it recently."

I picked up the frame. The quality looked like it was taken with a disposable camera and the photo looked reasonably aged. In it was a young Anastasia with a small redheaded boy on her lap, and they were at a park or something judging by the playground in the back. Her mouth was smiling but her eyes looked sad, and I realized that this had to be one of the last moments we spent together because I looked about five years old.

"You had teeth," I said dumbly.

"Well, yeah, of course I did. Just not very good teeth. Poor genetics and dental hygiene."

"I remember you looking more, I dunno, fucked up." Despite looking sad and too-thin with her crooked, discolored teeth, she looked more put together than my memory suggested.

From beside me, she peered at the photo in my hands. "This was a better day. But, I don't know. I imagine your negative feelings skewed your memories of me."

I set the frame back where I got it and we continued to the desk. She shuffled things around and unearthed a thick stack of printed papers that were hole-punched but unbound. She presented it to me.

"What is this?"

"The beginning of my new book," she said.

I took the stack from her hands and eyed the top page.

"Working title," she explained.

Momma's Boy

I slipped the title page to the back of the stack to reveal the acknowledgement page, which just said 'To my son, Axel'. I went on to the next page.

"I want to tell your story," she said. "Is that okay?"

My eyes scanned the words on the page. She began it the same way she began it when she was telling me of my origin story in the hospital.

"You're going to tell the world I'm a rape baby," I deadpanned. "Isn't it bad enough to be judged for doing drugs? You want to be judged for being a rape victim, too?"

Anastasia wasn't expecting this to be my reaction and she took the papers from my hand defensively. "If you don't want me to do it, I won't."

"Do what you want." I shrugged my shoulders. "Roxas and Kairi get enough shit though, don't ya think?"

"Axel, I'm a writer. I write books to help people."

"Yeah, great, but maybe don't tell the world you were raped and sucked dick for crack or whatever."

I retreated back down the stairs before she could say anything else.

My intentions were to dip back in my room and probably sleep the drama of the day off, but I heard faint music coming from Kairi's room as I walked past it. I pivoted and knocked on her door, trying to knock along to the muffled beat.

"Hi," she cheerily greeted when she opened the door and saw it was me.

"You didn't guess the song," I told her. "You can't make a law and break it."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed my arm to pull me into her room. It was a typical teenaged girl room, and unlike Roxas's, her room looked lived in. Her walls were littered with posters and there were stuffed animals scattered around her unmade canopy bed. There were clothes on the floor and they had to have all been from recently because Ivana cleaned up daily. Her big screen TV was on and showing a muted reality show while her stereo system pumped out tunes. She picked up the remote on the edge of her bed and turned it down a few notches.

"What's up?" She asked once my ears were no longer being assaulted by some whiny dickhead with a guitar.

I didn't know how exactly to start the conversation so I just sat on her chaise (also covered in plushes and clothes) and said, "Wow, I can't believe Roxas is gay, can you?"

She launched a pillow at me which I expertly dodged, by which I mean she missed entirely.

"Kai, just because they're called throw pillows doesn't mean you're supposed to throw them."

She put her hands on her hips. "How long?" She demanded.

"How long what?"

She reached over to her bed and grabbed another fuzzy pillow, holding it overhand menacingly. "How long have you liked Roxas? Start talking. Spill the beans."

"Alright, look, so I know it's a little complicated, right? We're both technically your brothers and—"

This time, she hit her mark.

"Ow, okay, well what did Roxas tell you?"

"Roxas just said not to tell anyone or else I couldn't have his room. But I'm not stupid; I know not to tell anyone. I just want to know why you didn't tell me. I thought we could tell each other stuff." She frowned. "I thought you trusted me."

"Like I said, Kairi, it's not exactly an ideal or easily explainable situation."

"Weirder things have happened," she said softly as she calmed, plopping down next to me. "Besides, I kind of had a feeling you guys liked each other. Neither of you are particularly subtle. Then the whole thing at the cabin happened."

"You're not weirded out by it?" I quirked my eyebrow at her.

"Nah." She waved her hand dismissively. "I just didn't expect to walk in and see you guys making out in the lobby. Get a room next time."

I turned and wrapped my arms tightly around her, resulting in her letting out a muffled squeal as she playfully wiggled against me to escape my grasp. "Sorry, Kai," I said, "No witnesses. This is the end of the line for you."

She started to laugh against my chest and I couldn't help but laugh, too. My grip loosened but she stayed and wrapped her arms around me in return. "I love you, Axel," she said. "Life is so much better and so much more fun with you around." And then she whispered, "And I bet Roxas feels the same way."

I didn't know what I did to deserve a sister as wonderful as Kairi, but I was beyond grateful for her.

Like clockwork, my bedroom door slowly opened as Roxas slipped inside. Usually at this point I was halfway asleep, but I had been waiting for him.

I reached over and clicked on the lamp on my nightstand and he visibly startled, nearly tripping forwards.

"Well, well, well," I said. "If it ain't the village homo."

He gave me a tired, almost disjointed look like he wasn't in the mood for my teasing.

"I didn't think you'd come tonight, especially since you've avoided me since we got back from dinner."

"Am I not allowed to have some time to myself to think?" He slurred as he climbed into bed and settled next to me under the comforter. "I've had a long day."

"Holy shit, Roxas, are you drunk?"

"No."

I brought my face close to his and could smell the alcohol on his breath. I had done enough binge drinking in my life to know he had gotten into some vodka.

"I'm grown up now," he said. "Big boy, not a kid anymore."

"You're a baby."

"Not baby."

"Absolutely baby."

He pouted and I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck. "Nose cold," he said.

I blind reached to turn the lamp off. "Go to sleep, Rox. We'll talk tomorrow."

After a few minutes, his breathing regulated and I figured he'd taken my advice. I planted a kiss on his forehead and rolled over to face the other side. I dozed off but was promptly awoken when I felt a hand on my hipbone. I stilled completely. Clumsy fingertips dipped beneath the waistband of my loose pajama pants and began to trail down my pelvis. I usually free-balled at night so there were no other obstacles.

"Roxas?" I groggily called into the dark.

He pressed up against me, spooning me. I imagine from a bird's eye view it looked almost comical with our height difference. "I want you so bad," he spoke into my spine, "You're so hot, Axel. I think about it all the time, about you fucking me." To exemplify his point, the hand in my pants gripped my cock and my blood circulation rerouted. "When I get myself off, I think of you. When I cum, I moan out your name."

"Jesus fuck, Roxas," I half-moaned in pleasure and frustration. "Don't do this to me."

I hadn't gotten off in weeks because my dominant hand was out of commission and lefty couldn't do the job that righty could, so having the object of my affection talk to dirty to me while he groped me and pressed his hard dick against my ass was borderline tortuous.

"Just fuck me, Axel. Make me yours."

It took every ounce of willpower to not give in to his drunken demands, especially while he sabotaged my processing abilities by giving me a third-rate hand job. "No," I said firmly. "If we ever do it, we're going to do it right. Not when you're being dumb and horny, not when you're drunk and distressed, and not when you're technically underage. Please go to sleep."

He started planting kisses on my back, along my patches of ink and vertebrae. He continued to stroke me, settling into a rhythm that made my muscles involuntarily tense up and my breathing become more labored. If he kept it up, I was going to undoubtedly make a mess in my flannel.

The fog in my brain cleared just enough for me to grab his wrist to stop his ministrations.

"Stop bein' difficult," he slurred, sounding immaturely frustrated. "I just wanna have sex with you."

I forced his hand out of my pants and rolled over to face him. The street lamp outside illuminated the room in a dim orange glow through the sheer curtains, and with it I could make out the pout on his lips.

"Why do you want to have sex so bad, huh? Got something to prove?"

"Don't get all psychoanaltherapist on me."

"Your birthday is in like a month. When you are eighteen and sober, we can talk about it, okay?"

"A month doesn't matter," he argued.

"It does to me. Look, Roxas," I started to gently stroke the side of his face and he leaned into the touch like a love-starved puppy, "I really like you. I've never actually liked someone the way I like you. So I want to do everything right. If, in a month, you want to have sex, then we can talk about it and plan accordingly. You're still new to this; anal sex isn't exactly a spontaneous thing."

"I know how anal sex works," he deadpanned. "I have internet access."

"Alright then, dork. I'm not going to ruin your buzz with rectal prolapse. I kinda have a big dick."

"Don't brag about your penis unless you're gonna to do somethin' with it," he harrumphed.

I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "Go to sleep."

"Very horny. Can't sleep."

"I'll roll over and you can take care of it. Or you can go do it in the bathroom, I don't care. Just don't leave any of my towels crusty."

"You're not even gonna to touch me?" He asked in a small voice.

My brain started going foggy again as all the blood swirled down the drain. Roxas gazed at me with his half-lidded eyes, his lips slightly parted.

I dove at him, capturing his lips feverishly as I pushed him onto his back. He answered my desperation with his own. I trailed my hand down his body and grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up. He took the hint and we separated so he could pull it over his head and discard it somewhere on the floor. Once he was bare-chested, I went for his neck, kissing and nibbling and sucking his soft skin and eliciting small noises of pleasure from the back of his throat. I trailed my way to his clavicle and then sternum and then his nipple, which I bit, hard.

He yelped but didn't protest.

I continued my journey downwards to his toned stomach and then his waist, stopping at the border of skin and waistband. I kissed along the perimeter, and I could feel him trembling beneath me.

"Are you okay?" I stopped and asked him, lifting my head to try to discern his expression in the low light.

"W-why did you stop?"

"You're shaking."

"I... It... Please don't stop," he begged. "No one has ever—"

I understood. Roxas's prior sexual experiences with Xion couldn't have been fulfilling if he wasn't at all attracted to women, so, in a way, this was like his first sexual experience. He was tangled in nerves and anticipation. And I didn't see the harm in selflessly pleasing him, so I silenced him by tugging his shorts and boxers down and taking him into my mouth.

"Oh...my...god..." He whimpered, gripping onto the excess fabric of the sheets for dear life as if he was going to be otherwise launched from the mattress into orbit.

Unlike Roxas, I had sucked my fair share of dicks and liked to believe I was proficient in the art form of fellatio. I knew how to use my tongue and the roof of my mouth, I knew the correct amount of suction to use to keep him on edge, and I knew how to sneak in breaths without a break in the action. He squirmed and moaned and if I was in the right state of mind, I would've told him to quiet down but I was deep in concentration. I licked and sucked and a hand aggressively grabbed at and ensnarled itself my hair. I took in his entire length and could feel his dick against the back of my throat.

"Oh fuck, A-Axel," he panted. "Axel, I'm gonna cum."

It was meant to be a warning but one I had no intentions of heeding. He tensed and let out a final moan, his cock throbbing in my mouth. I swallowed down everything he offered.

Roxas laid completely still aside from the heavy rise and fall of his chest, his shorts and undies still hanging onto one ankle, as I resumed my position next to him. His eyes were open as he stared up at the murky ceiling fan. I swallowed a few more times because cum has a way of feeling like it sticks to the sides of your throat like peanut butter.

"That was... something," he finally said.

"Good something or bad something?"

"Very, very good."

"Are you ready for bed now?" I asked him.

He looked at me. "Yeah. But can you help me put my clothes back on because I literally can't move."

And so I did, and I did it tenderly despite the horrible aching in my balls. Because even though it's a pathetic thought to have after you suck someone off, I was falling in love with him.

"Goodnight, Axel," he yawned after he was clothed and tucked back under the comforter.

"Sweet dreams," I said.

Or maybe I had fallen a while ago, and I was just finally coming to terms with it.