A/N: Part one of a two-part chapter for dramatic effect. And also because it'd probably be fucking long otherwise. (I don't actually know because I haven't written it yet.)

chapter sixteen;
breakdowns, bartenders, and birthday boys: part 1

"Axel, get up or we're gonna be late!"

There was a quick patter of feet on the carpet, a running start, before a small weight crashed on top of me.

"Nngh," I groaned into the pillow. "Not going."

"Yes the fuck you are," a different voice said. And then there was more weight on my back, and Naminé let out a weird dying animal sound as the air was pressed out of her lungs like she was put through one of those food vacuum sealers I'd seen infomercials for. "Hey," Riku said with a laugh, "we're a Naminé sandwich."

"C...can't... breathe..."

Using all my strength, which admittedly wasn't much, I rolled over and knocked the two of them off of my back. They spilled onto the bed beside me. Naminé caught her breath while Riku continued to laugh.

"You're twice my size, Riku!" She exclaimed once her lungs regained proper function, "You could've killed me! And poor Axel, you know he's just one large uncooked angel hair pasta noodle! We're lucky he didn't snap in two."

"I'm at least fettuccine," I argued.

"Vermicelli," Riku countered. "Wait, don't you have mild scoliosis? Elbow macaroni."

"Eat my ass."

We were on day four of me living in their guest room after my anticlimactic departure from the Henley house. I didn't tell Roxas or Kairi I was leaving, going as far as waiting until nighttime when they were in their rooms, and I found Anastasia and Mr. Henley in the living room watching a movie as they sipped expensive red wine. Keeping it brief, I thanked them for their hospitality and insisted I had to go find my own way. Anastasia tried to argue, but Mr. Henley reminded her that I was an adult and bid me good luck.

"Just don't be a stranger," were my mom's final words, "We're your family and you will always have a home here."

I threw my belongings into a couple bags and took a cab to the townhouse, trying my hardest not to be emotional about it.

The lease on Ansem's apartment was up in a couple months and he decided he was going to downsize and get an efficiency somewhere close to his job, and I didn't blame him. Riku and Naminé said I was more than welcome to stay in their guest room (again), and it made more sense to just set up shop there rather than move back into Ansem's only to have to move out in two months' time. I did have to start looking for a real job, though. I didn't want to be a freeloader to my only friends.

My phone had been flooded with messages from Roxas and Kairi both, with even a few from Sora thrown in, and one from an unknown number, but I didn't open them. My life at the Henley house was something I wanted to put behind me, which is why I fully intended to not attend Roxas's birthday party.

"Roxas will be devastated if you don't go," Naminé said as she sat up and scooted off the bed.

"Roxas can suck a fuck."

"You're being childish." Riku grabbed one of the pillows and slammed it against my face. "I've been looking forward to a catered meal in a banquet hall for weeks now, and we can't show up without your dumb ass."

"Fucker," I spat, not finding the strength in me to hit him back. I sat up and against the headboard. "I don't think there's going to be a bouncer for a fuckin' birthday party, you guys can probably just walk right in."

On the bedside table, my phone started to vibrate. I reached over and quickly silenced it after seeing the caller ID. I don't know why I didn't just turn it off at that point.

Naminé folded her arms and gave me a stern look. "He's been blowing up your phone, hasn't he?"

"Yup."

"That means he cares, Axel."

"No, it means he's a big baby who can't take a hint."

"Why are you gays so theatrical? Just kiss and make up like us heteros. Whenever me and Naminé fight, she just withholds sex until I apologize. She doesn't ignore me or move out in the middle of the night."

"He doesn't need to know that," Naminé groaned.

"Okay, but the thing is, I don't care about Roxas. I used to, but now I don't. He's a fucked up kid, and also, technically, a step-brother. Which is a little weird."

"Dude," Riku sat up and looked me in the eyes, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You do realize there's a whole porn category devoted to step-siblings banging, right? It's acceptable now."

"I don't think that's how it works," I told him. "There's also ebony and BBC porn but there's still a racism problem in America."

Riku rolled his eyes. "Point is, I don't believe for a second you don't care about him. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't be making such an effort to try not to care, ya feel?"

"I kind of have to agree," Naminé added. "Face it, Axel. You're in love with him."

"Love is for sissies. I'm not a sissy. I'm a manly man."

"Then there shouldn't be a problem with you going to the party and just enjoying a night of free food and PG-13 debauchery."

"There's probably not even going to be alcohol or hot girls with their tits out, so what's the point? Let's just go to a club or a bar or something tonight. Smoke pot. Drop acid. Doesn't that dude Tidus sell shrooms?"

They both looked at me intently, showing no sign of relenting. I was thoroughly convinced they didn't actually want to go that bad, they just wanted me to make up with Roxas so I'd get out of their hair. I frowned.

"You've been happier," Naminé said in the soft, tentative voice she always took with me when she was being serious, "ever since you've been with him."

"Yeah, and you've been behaving yourself for like the first time ever in your life," Riku added.

"Not because of him," I argued defensively. "I couldn't exactly do whatever I wanted at their house, you know. Plus, I don't know anyone in Fayfield aside from lame rich kids. I had no one to get into trouble with. If you guys want me to leave so badly, I'll go stay at a fucking motel or something."

"Axel," Riku deadpanned, humorless and unsmiling. "We don't want you to leave, but c'mon. You're my best friend and I know you way better than you think I do. You can put on whatever aloof facade you want, but I know you've got a big, dumb heart and I know this," he motioned to the entirety of the guest room, "isn't what you really want. You're always so quick to run from your problems. Stop running, man. Running will only get you so far."

With that, he got up and walked out the door, leaving me and Naminé at a loss for words. That was a side of Riku I had never seen before, and I felt like a little kid who just got told 'I'm not mad at you, I'm disappointed in you'.

She regained her eloquence before I did and told me, "If you really don't want to go, we won't go. But give it some thought." She gave me a small smile before turning and leaving, too. And I was stuck sitting there on the bed as I processed their words, not knowing what the fuck to do.

I was never one to get completely wasted. I mean, sure, I would drink myself sick and be obnoxious and get into fights and black out, but for the most part, I was always in control, more or less. Always guarded to a certain extent. Always projecting myself how I wanted people to see me. Drunk Axel could maintain the façade. Wasted Beyond Comprehension Axel could not.

The first time I went to Riku and Naminé's house for a party, I consumed so much rum that I'm lucky I didn't keel from alcohol poisoning. In fact, it was nothing short of a miracle that I suffered no long term effects. If there really was a god, he was looking out for me that night. And some kid with leukemia probably died because of it.

It was a few weeks after the nightclub incident. I had gotten Riku's phone number from my public defender who insisted I call and apologize, in hopes the charges would be dismissed and we wouldn't have to slog through court bullshit. I'd met my fair share of public defenders at this point and gone through the rigmarole of the court system enough times to know that they didn't care about winning, their goal was to usually get the charges dismissed or get you to plea out. Less work that way.

When he answered the phone, I said "Hi, I'm looking for last-name 'Cox', first-name 'Suggin'."

He recognized my voice and laughed and asked me how my busted up face was fairing. And before I knew it, we were yapping like old friends, making off-color jokes and playfully teasing each other. "Yo, you're cool. You wanna come to my party on Saturday?" He asked me. And parties meant drugs and alcohol so I said, "Hell yeah".

I took the bus to the address he had given me, coming up to a quiet middle class townhome community. Half-expecting that I had just been played, I walked up the door and heard the unmistakable sound of muffled bass. Knocking was for squares, so I let myself in.

"Hey Axel!" Riku greeted me from the couch, his arm around the girl with the nice ass. "There's drinks in the kitchen, help yourself and come hang!"

I took advantage of 'help yourself' and grabbed an entire bottle of untouched lime Captain Morgan's from the counter.

We took turns recounting the events of our fight to his friends, embellishing and trying our hardest to talk through our own laughter. Naminé formally introduced herself and complimented my face structure and said she'd like to draw me sometime. I drank and drank and drank. And then the whole bottle was gone, and people were cheering. Somehow, I ended up with a bottle of Bacardi that I'm pretty sure someone handed me, and I unscrewed the top and poured it down my throat.

This was the me I liked. The me that made everyone cheer and laugh. Drunk Axel was unstoppable.

I was drinking so much so fast that I didn't realize I had well surpassed my limit until it was too late.

The last thing I remember from that night was getting up from the couch on barely functioning legs with the intention of finding a bathroom, not because I felt sick, but because I felt wrong. I was no longer filled with drunken joy. I was no longer having fun. I felt like everyone could see through me, they could see I was scared and sad and lonely. They could see I wasn't good enough for friends or family or love or happiness. They could see who I really was.

All of these feelings came about as incomprehensible thoughts and paranoia that my drunken brain couldn't process, I just knew I had to get away. The townhouse got caught up in the tornado that brought Dorothy to the Land of Oz and spun and spun and spun, so despite Riku pointing me in the direction of the downstairs bathroom I wound up in his guest bedroom, where I closed the door behind me and slid down to the ground, hyperventilating.

That's where the memory ends. I woke up the following afternoon in the guest bed, underneath the covers, a glass of water on the nightstand and a puke bucket on the floor next to me.

Riku and Naminé weren't mad. They laughed it off and told me I really knew how to party.

Whatever happened in the gap between didn't dissuade them from sticking with me and putting up with my bullshit for the following years. So, I never asked. I just considered myself lucky to finally find some decent people in this fucked up and chaotic world.

"So..." I pulled at the lapels of my tailored jacket that I think Kairi picked out during one of our trips to the mall. "How do I look?"

"From the neck down, decent enough, I guess," Riku said from the couch with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Not much you can do about that ugly mug, unfortunately."

Naminé slapped at his upper arm. "I think you look very handsome. It's a neat aesthetic you've got going on."

"Yeah," Riku agreed. "The beanie, tattoos, and dyed red hair say 'I'm a burnout juggalo who goes to Narcotics Anonymous meetings'. The jacket says 'I suck cock, but like, I'm classy about it'. The tight pants scream 'I have a low sperm count because these are the same ball-constricting skinny jeans I've had since high school'. And the shoes say 'punk isn't dead but it should be'."

I had thought my outfit looked decent enough, but I was no fashionista. "Is it that bad?"

"No, he's just giving you a hard time," Naminé said. "You look very Axel. I was getting a little concerned when you started dressing like—"

"Like a trust fund douchebag," Riku interjected. Naminé was probably going to say something along those lines, but nicer. "This is the fashionably challenged Axel that we know and love and make fun of behind his back."

After stewing for about a half hour in the room, mostly unmoving from the spot they had left me in on the bed, I decided I'd go to the stupid birthday party. Not for Roxas, though. I'd go for Riku, Naminé, and Kairi. I'd go to prove that whatever inkling of feelings I had toward Roxas had completely evaporated.

As we were piling into Naminé's car to begin the two hour drive to Marion (I would've much preferred we took Riku's sedan, but Naminé's small car was apparently more fuel economic), Naminé asked neither of us in particular if we were expected to bring a gift.

"He's eighteen, not ten, so probably not," I said.

"I hate going empty handed," she sighed. "Maybe we can stop and get him a card or something."

Before everything went to shit, I had put a lot of thought into what I could possibly get Roxas for his birthday. I was already bad at gifts, and then I had to try to think of something to give a kid who already had everything. Needless to say, I never actually decided on something. But an idea of mine was to gift him an experience. I wanted to take him to do something he'd never done before, something he'd never forget. It didn't matter now, though.

I settled into the cramped backseat and looked out the window. Naminé put on some soft indie pop, telling Riku he could pick the music on the way home before he could complain. Then we were off to see the wizard.

As I watched the world go by and blend together as we picked up speed, all I could think about was how the last time the three of us took a trip to Marion, my life changed forever.

Kairi was a small girl in every aspect; length, width, surface area, volume, circumference, weight, moles, atomic mass, whatever. She was physically one of the least intimidating people you could come across. Just a tiny teenaged girl with braces and bright eyes and too many stuffed animals.

She's the last person you'd expect to knock the wind out of you with a swift punch to the gut.

After she hit me, she gasped, realizing what she had done and recoiling her hand like she just committed an unforgivable crime. As I hunched over to catch my breath and process what the fuck just happened, she quickly let out a string of sorrys.

"You got quite the punch, girly," Riku told her with raised eyebrows, clearly bemused.

We barely made it inside the venue when Kairi spotted me and made a beeline to physically assault me.

"You must be Axel's little sister," Naminé said with a soft chuckle.

"Admittedly," I wheezed, "I deserved that."

"You definitely did but I shouldn't have done that. I was just so mad that you left without saying anything to me. No explanation, no goodbye. And you didn't even have the decency to respond to any my texts. It's just really, really—pardon my language—fucking shitty of you, Axel. And it's not like this is your first time doing it."

"I know, you're right," I said. "I'm sorry, Kairi."

She chewed on her bottom lip as she looked up at me, looking like she was contemplating whether or not to accept my apology. Before she made up her mind, Anastasia and Mr. Henley came up to us, completely oblivious to what happened.

"Heya, Ax and crew," Mr. Henley greeted in typical dad-like fashion.

"You made it," Ana said with a warm smile. "I'm glad."

Riku and Naminé were looking at my mom in what could only be described as bewilderment, like they were surprised she was actually real.

"And you two must be Axel's good friends, Riku and Naminé. Pleasure to finally meet you."

"Likewise," Riku said, but his tone suggested otherwise. Naminé just gave a placid smile.

Picking up on the tense atmosphere, Mr. Henley put his arm around Anastasia's shoulders. "C'mon, hon, let the kids get settled. We're cramping their style."

They turned to head back into the crowd of people and Kairi followed. Before they disappeared, Anastasia looked back at us over her shoulder. "Roxas is in the back room with his friends. You should go say hi. He'll be happy you're here."

The banquet hall was, as expected, very nice. It was spacious; the perimeter of the room held the tables, which were swathed in dark blue tablecloths and accented by the gold, black, and white of the dining-ware, napkins, and decor, and in the center of the room was an open space for mingling or dancing. There was a DJ playing benign pop music, a small bar tucked in a corner with a cute bartender manning it, and waiters dressed in black walking around with platters of hors d'oeuvres. Balloons were fucking everywhere. Streamers extended out from the apex of the room like tentacles. There was a long table positioned against a wall that was covered in wrapped gifts, with a banner above it that said, 'Happy Birthday, Roxas!' The main lights were dim but there were colored accent lights that gave the venue a sorta nightclub vibe. And it was packed.

"Who are all these people?" Naminé asked me as we stood off to the side to take in the ambiance.

"No clue," I shrugged. "Roxas has like two friends. Well, one friend, and then an ex-girlfriend. The one I had sex with."

The crowd was comprised of people of all age groups. Kids, elderly, and everyone in between. There was a lot of blonde, and I figured they must've been family from Roxas's dad's side. No one paid us any mind, despite us sticking out like a sore thumb.

"Does that bar serve alcohol or is it just for Shirley Temples and juice boxes?"

"Let's go find out."

We made our way to the bar. It was really just a wrap-around counter, but on the shelf behind the bartender, I spotted bottles of liquor, and a metaphorical ray of light shone through the clouds.

"Hey!" The bartender greeted. Her tits were massive and I was reaffirmed that I still very much like women. "What can I get ya?"

Riku spoke before I did. "Three shots of the strongest shit you got."

She leaned forward over the counter, giving me a good look at her cleavage that her button-up could not contain. Quietly, she told Riku, "Technically, I'm not supposed to serve hard stuff. Only mixed drinks, but even then, I'm supposed to only put a little bit of alcohol in them. Like, barely any. Venue rules, not mine. However, your tall friend is cute, so I'll make an exception." She winked at me and Naminé subtlety nudged me with her elbow to convey a message I chose to ignore.

"You must be blind, lady," Riku said. "He's ugly as fuck."

I smacked at the back of his head. "I'm hot as fuck."

She laughed at our antics. "It's so refreshing to see some normal people, you have no idea."

"Normal?" I scoffed. I turned behind me to gesture to the crowd of people. "I think us three are the odd ones out in this case. Well, Riku and I, at least. Naminé looks like she fits right in."

"I'm only normal on the outside," she stated matter-of-factly. "I stick around you boneheads so clearly there's something wrong with me."

The bartender turned to the shelf and pulled down a bottle, and then reached under the counter for some shot glasses. "So, you're Naminé. And you're Riku." She started filling the shot glasses after scanning the room to make sure someone with authority wasn't looking. "There's one name I'm missing."

"Axel," I told her.

"Axel," she repeated. "I like it."

"Well, I didn't pick it."

She poured four shots, and I was definitely not going to judge her for drinking on the job. We all grabbed a glass and lightly clunked them together before upending their contents. It was rum. She gathered our empty glasses and put them in a bin behind her.

"Whew," she said, "I'm not big on straight liquor. That one burned." Riku was about to reach into his back pocket for his wallet but the bartender said, "That one's on the house. Well, actually, the people who rented the venue are paying the bar tab. But it sounds much cooler to say it's on the house."

With some alcohol in my system, I was already feeling better. "You never told us your name," I said to her, taking an unmistakably flirty tone as I leaned against the bar. This time, Naminé stamped my foot with the heel of her strappy shoe, but I barely felt it through my boots.

With a girlish giggle, she said, "I'm Tifa." She then pointed to the nametag affixed above her breast pocket that I never noticed thanks to her impressive rack hogging the entire spotlight.

"Well, Tifa, thank you for your services. I don't want to be here, but you made my suffering a bit more bearable."

"I get a thirty minute break in an hour if you'd like to tell me all your woes."

"I dunno, I have a lot of woes. Thirty minutes will only scrape the surface."

Riku rolled his eyes and pulled me by the arm. "C'mon, dumbass, you're embarrassing yourself already."

"6:30," Tifa said in a loud whisper as I was led away.

Once we were far enough away from the bar, Riku smacked the back of my head much harder than I slapped him before.

"Ow, what the fuck, dude?"

"Rebound fucks are never worth it. Besides, you're supposed to go make nice with Roxas."

"Having a quickie with the bartender in a coat closet at your boyfriend's birthday party is a bit shitty," Naminé agreed.

"Roxas is not my boyfriend. And I never said I was going to make nice with him. Look, I haven't gotten laid in months, and I'm tired of beating my meat to twinks that remind me of—" I stopped myself. "This is the longest I've gone without putting my dick in someone since I was like fourteen."

"What's more important," Riku asked as he looked me in the eyes, "Your cock or your happiness?"

"My cock is directly linked to my happiness." A waiter walked by and I plucked a quiche from the platter he was carrying. I stuffed the whole thing in my mouth. "You guys are being total buzz kills right now," I said, not even bothering to swallow my food first. "It's lame as fuck."

There was a serious look in Riku's eyes, and if I wasn't tipsy, I would've recognized the hurt behind it. "I'm not babying you anymore," he said sharply. "Get it the fuck together, Axel."

In Roxas's room, I said something similar to him.

Did it apply to me, as well?

"Babying me?" Instead of self-reflection, I got pissed off. "Is that how you view our friendship? 'Aw, Axel is a pathetic loser, better be nice to him'?"

"You said it, not me," he sneered.

"Guys, stop," Naminé tried.

Riku continued, his voice rising, "I've always looked out for you, man. I've always tried to help you. I'm trying to help you now. But if you're gonna keep acting like this, then you're a lost goddamn cause."

"I'm a lost cause because I don't want to be with Roxas? You barely even know him, what's it matter to you?" I was incredulous. "What is your problem, Riku? Your real problem?"

"My problem is that I care too fucking much," he said, jabbing his index finger into my sternum. "I've had this stupid fucking soft spot for you since the day you fucking cried in my arms. And it pisses me off that you're so hell bent on this self-destructive, self-pitying, defeatist bullshit."

"What are you talking about? I never cried in front of you, let alone in your fucking arms."

Instead of answering, Riku turned on his heel and stomped away.

Naminé let out a sad sigh. "You don't remember at all, do you, Axel? The first night you spent at our house..."

My body shook. Hot tears streamed down my face. I was trying my hardest to catch my breath but oxygen felt scarce in the dark room, just another luxury I didn't deserve. I couldn't even remember where I was. All I could think about was the stew of bad feelings and cheap rum that was festering in the pit of my stomach.

This kind of physiological reaction had only happened once before, when I was a kid. The school nurse told me it was a panic attack. She gave me a brown paper bag to breathe into it until I calmed down, and then sent me back to class.

Of course, at the time I didn't recognize I was having another panic attack. I just knew I could barely breathe and that I hated myself more than anything.

"Axel?" A muffled voice called out to me. It was far, but not too far. "Hey man, where'd you go?" The voice was coming closer.

The door handle by my head turned and a weight was pushed against my back but I didn't budge from my spot on the floor.

"Axel, is that you? You're blocking the door." I could feel him pushing against it. My body wasn't built for resisting the strength of someone who regularly worked out. Riku pushed the door open just enough to fit through. He let my weight push the door closed again and looked down at me in the murk, recognizing my haggard breathing. "Shit, man. Are you good? Need me to call you a cab or somethin'?"

I didn't answer. My body kept trembling and the tears kept coming. He hit the light switch on the wall and the room was suddenly much too bright and I hated it. He knelt down in front of me.

"Axel, what's up? What's goin' on?"

Years' and years' and years' worth of sadness, loneliness, fear, trauma, anger, and inadequacy compounded and culminated. I'd never really been suicidal, but in that moment I craved nothing more than death. Anything to make me stop feeling those horrible feelings.

"C'mon man, what can I do to help?"

Riku and I are alike in a lot of ways. Our circumstances are different, but our personalities are similar; we both hide our soft side and instead present ourselves with a detached arrogance. But behind closed doors, the mask can come off, and beneath it there is nothing more than an underlying fear of vulnerability; a fear that can be overcome when we're put into a situation where leaving our comfort zone can help someone back into theirs. There is enough pain and suffering in the world. We don't always show it or know how to express it, but deep down, we both have big, dumb hearts.

Riku could've left me in the room to cry it out, he could've thrown me out of the house, he could've picked on me and made a spectacle to the rest of the party-goers. I was a relative stranger, just some dude he got into a fist fight with at a club. He owed me nothing. But instead he clicked the light back off and sat cross-legged on the floor beside me.

"If you wanna get somethin' off your chest, I'm all ears."

And for some reason, everything started spilling out. I couldn't stop it. I slurred and sputtered about my mom, my abandonment, my childhood, the abuse I endured throughout my stint in the system, my lack of friends, my self-hatred, everything. Things I had never told another person before. Riku learned my traumas and deepest secrets before he learned my birthday or favorite color.

By the end of it, my head was in his lap. He comforted me with soft ministrations. He comforted me in a way no one ever had before. This guy, this stranger, this pompous pretty boy who shared a last name with the plural of 'cock', he saw I was hurting. He saw someone in need of love, and he gave it.

Naminé made a joke once how she and Riku basically adopted me. And, yeah, they kinda did. I was a mangy stray they took in and loved and cared for. They filled the void in my heart the best they could. And I never truly recognized or appreciated all they did for me, all they put up with for my sake.

"Why did you guys never tell me?" I asked after taking a long drag of my cigarette. Naminé and I were sitting outside the banquet hall, under the awning in the entryway because it started drizzling. It was just us and the bored valet who had headphones in and paid us no mind.

She had just told me the story of that night, as was relayed to her by Riku. And as she told the story, details and glimpses surfaced in my memory.

"No one wants to be told about their moments of weakness," she said simply. "We agreed to keep what happened between us. I'm sorry, Axel, but if you had known, would you have gotten as close with us as you have? No, you would've been embarrassed or mad or both, you would've accused us of just pitying you. And I want you to know, we've never pitied you. We love you, Axel. We really do. And we just want you to be happy."

I leaned over the railing and let the ash from my cigarette fall onto the nicely manicured hydrangea bush below. "So, why's Riku so mad? I'm trying to be happy."

We didn't know where Riku had disappeared to. But Naminé had the keys to the car in her clutch, so he couldn't have gone far.

"Riku is..." She tried to think of the right words to say. "Riku is a bit protective of you. He always has been, since that night. He's an only child and had a pretty lonely childhood because his parents weren't around much, so I think he sees you as a kindred spirit, a brother. You and I, we're more his family than his actual family is." She held her hand out and I passed her my cigarette so she could take a drag. "He takes a lot of things personally because he cares so much."

When she handed me back the cig, I snuffed it out on the underside of my shoe and flicked it into the distance. "What do you want me to do, Naminé?"

"Whatever you want to do, Axel. Whatever makes you happy."

But I didn't know what would make me happy. Finding my mom didn't make me happy, living in a big house didn't make me happy, having a credit card didn't make me happy. Maybe I didn't know how to be happy. Maybe I didn't deserve to be happy.

I gave Naminé a hug and she returned it with more fervor, her small hands gripping at the fabric of my jacket like if she didn't, I'd fly away. She looked up at me with her big blue-gray eyes. "No matter what," she said, "You'll always be our best friend. You'll always be a member of our small family. You'll always be our Axel."

I kissed her forehead and pulled away to head back inside. She didn't ask where I was going, because she already knew.

It was weird that the party had been going on for a bit over an hour, and Roxas hadn't made an appearance yet. Anastasia had mentioned he was in the back room with Sora and Xion, but I had no idea where or what this back room was. I weaved through the crowd of people. If my mission had been to find Roxas, I would've cared more. But it wasn't him I wanted, so I didn't.

"Your friends finally took you off your leash, huh?" Tifa teased as I approached the counter. "I didn't expect you'd actually come."

There was another girl behind the counter. A plain girl with small tits and a scowl. "Hurry up and go take your break so I can get back to the kitchen," she said to her coworker with a roll of her eyes. "Dinner is in forty-five minutes."

Tifa didn't have to be told twice. She came out from behind the counter and started walking towards the tucked away back hallway that had a sign that said Employees Only above it, and I followed at her heels. The hallway branched off into the large kitchen, and as we walked by I glanced in and saw at least twenty people milling about, preparing for the dinner service. The hallway kept going, and at the end was a back exit, and two doors off to the sides.

"Service hallways," she explained before I could ask. "There's a break room back here."

She scanned a keycard that was clipped to her front belt loop and gained us entry. There were more doors, and I didn't remember the venue looking so big from the outside. They were apparently offices, supply closets, and finally, the break room.

As soon as we were inside, she closed the door and was against me before I could even process my surroundings. Her lips aggressively pressed against mine and her fingers tangled through my hair and knocked my beanie off. I put my hands on her wide hips and pulled her as close to me as physically possible.

She pulled away to breathe and I asked her, "Do you do this often?"

"Does it matter?" She asked, before going back to my lips.

She was beyond hot; the kind of girl that undoubtedly gave boys wet dreams. I was incredibly attracted to her. My dick was hard. And yet, it felt wrong.

But I made the executive decision to ignore it as I hoisted her onto the table that people probably ate their lunch on and began to unbutton her shirt.

"Wait," she said as she grabbed my wrist to stop me, her cheeks were flushed and her chest was heaving. "There's cameras in here."

"That didn't bother you before." I leaned in close and playfully said, "I bet you want them to see."

"I didn't think you'd be down to actually do this," she admitted. "I thought we'd just make out."

I stopped altogether and stepped away. "We don't have to go any further if you don't want to."

"Okay, but it's really hot that you're respecting my boundaries so now I definitely want to fuck you."

"But we can't because of cameras," I concluded.

"Right, but, there's a room without any. There's couches. It's a little private room that's supposed to be for the guests. When we do weddings, the bride usually gets ready in there. No cameras."

"Are you sure that's what you want, Tifa?"

She sat up and on the edge of the table, using her sculpted legs to pull me close. "There's a staff entrance to the room at the end of his hall," she whispered. "Fuck me. And hurry before my break is over."

I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. I put my hands under her soft thighs to support her weight. We resumed kissing as I struggled to walk us out the break room and onto our forbidden paradise. She wasn't very heavy, but I wasn't very strong, either. Out in the hallway, I couldn't exactly see where we were going so I just walked straight and hoped I was going in the right direction. Or rather, I walked as straight as I could while trying not to fall.

We collided with a closed door, and Tifa pulled away enough to scan her keycard. The door clicked open and she went back to my mouth. I stepped inside, ready to throw her down on the nearest soft surface because it was starting to be a real struggle to hold her up and I knew I'd be sore from it in the morning. She moaned into my mouth and I wanted to tell her to stop for a second so I could see and find a good landing zone before I dropped her on the wood floor.

I didn't have to, though. Because she immediately pulled away when an all too familiar voice said, "...Axel?"

I did drop Tifa. She landed on her ass with a yelp.

To my left, seated on the ornamental claw foot couches, four pairs of eyes bore into me.

"Oh my god," Tifa clamored as she stood, "I'm so sorry I thought this room was empty." Her hands flew up to button her shirt that I had unbuttoned down just past the underwire of her bra back in the break room.

"What the fuck, Axel," was the second comment from my audience. If Riku was mad before, now he was fucking livid now. Except he didn't sound livid, he sounded disappointed.

Sora and Xion just looked at me, too shocked to say anything.

And Roxas.

Roxas had an expression I couldn't discern.

"I... I gotta get back to work," Tifa said. And she turned and scurried down the hall we came in through.

I didn't know what to do or what to say. I just stood there awkwardly under the judgment of my best friend, my sort-of ex-boyfriend, a girl I slept with, and a kid I bonded with on a pullout couch not too long ago.

"What is wrong with you?" Roxas asked. The tone of his question wasn't malicious. He said it with a sense of defeat.

Riku answered for me, "A lot, apparently."