Any of you ever watch Superman: The Animated Series? If you haven't, you should at least watch the episode 'Little big head man'

Anyways, this was sitting in the bowels of my computer and I thought I'd share it since the next chapters of both my other fanfics are taking FREAKING FOREVER to finish. On the bright side, both are gonna be nice and long when I finally post them.

I always hated newspapers.

Reading them was always depressing. The biggest reason I avoided them was thanks to how the news industry works and how the bad stuff sells more papers than good news. Occasionally though, I do end up in a situation where I'm bored and the only thing remotely interesting nearby is a newspaper.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten to charge my phone today, so the only thing in the breakroom to occupy my time while waiting for lunch to end was the newspaper the manager always left here. I certainly wasn't going to talk to Dave, and Sally was still ignoring me because of the squeaky toy prank.

I was a fast eater, so I still had about ten minutes to kill. I would just zone out, but Dave would take that as an invitation to talk my ear off about baseball. I pulled the newspaper over to my side of the table. The comics were probably my best bet, so I slid them out and shoved the rest back. I made sure the sports section was on top to help distract Dave and held mine up to ward off Sally's glares.

Really, what was she so mad about? This prank wasn't nearly so bad as taco tuesday.

There were different comics than I was used to. I hadn't read the funnies in a while, and I don't think that had been the same paper as this one either. Some of these were familiar, but I'd never seen a couple of these before.

One was a bit odd. It depicted some midget blowing up what looked like superman. The next to panels showed him being dragged in front of a panel of judges in chains. There wasn't a punchline though, just a picture of the midget in sitting at a table in an empty room. It wasn't funny at all. It wasn't even trying to be. Out of curiosity, I looked at the name of the strip.

It was a bunch of scrambled nonsense but looked strangely familiar. I mouthed out the word, trying to make sense of it. I made the connection just as I mouthed the name.

'Mxyzptlk'

"That's Mr. Mxyzptlk to you buddy!"

A black and white hand burst out of the final panel and stretched out to grab my collar. The stretched limb retracted into the paper with a rubbery 'boing' sound, dragging me with it. I felt my brain try to comprehend the feeling of switching from three dimensions to two and fail miserably. Eventually, I stopped tasting the laughter of marmosets and plopped down into a chair, now as two dimensional as my surroundings. I shook away the birds flitting around my head and looked around.

Everything was monochrome. That wasn't nearly as weird as being flat was. I looked up to see DC comics most chaotic fifth-dimensional imp grinning at me.

"Nice of you to drop in."

I rolled my eyes.

"Really? that doesn't quite work in this scenario. I didn't fall, you 'flat out' dragged me here."

The imp's grin widened. He tipped his tiny hat forward and rolled up his sleeves like he was getting ready for a brawl.

"Oh? You 'ink' so?"

"Yeah, it seems 'black and white' to me."

"So that's where you 'draw the line'?"

"There may be an 'art' to these things, but you can't say whatever you want."

"You did just change dimensions though. That tends to 'strip' directions of their meaning."

"Looks like we're going to need a 'panel' of judges to sort this out."

Mr. Mxyzptlk flopped back in his chair with a heavy sigh.

"Uuuugh. Don't talk to me about judges right now. I'm in hot water with those three sticks-in-the-muds on Qwsp right now, and let me tell you: it ain't fun."

I analyzed the sentence for a second, looking for puns. When I was sure there weren't any I threw my hands up.

"Whoo! I win!"

That got a snort of annoyance from Mr. Mxyzptlk.

"Yeah, yeah… What do you want? A trophy?"

"If it's not too much trouble."

The imp snapped his fingers and a tiny trophy popped into existence on the table. I tucked the thimble-sized gold cup into my pocket as I loosened my tie and pulled up a chair.

"So, I've got a few questions, but I doubt we have all day. Let's stick with how you are real, why you brought me here, and why I'm not freaking out."

Mxyzptlk nodded.

"Alright, I'll start with why I brought you here."

He suddenly leapt onto the table, crawled across it on all fours and began begging while hanging on to my shirt.

"You gotta help me! They're gonna lock me away and throw away the key! I'm too pretty for jail!"

It took me a long time to peel the sobbing midget off me, and even longer to get him to calm down enough to actually explain what was going on. Apparently, Mxyzptlk's shenanigans had gotten him in trouble for breaking interdimensional law, and he needed help.

"-so then I thought: 'the humans are the reason I'm in this mess, so I'll just nab one of the schmucks to help defend me!"

"I hate to break it to you, but I'm not a lawyer. I don't know 'Qwsp' law or whatever either."

"I don't need your help with that. Gspy has got that angle covered. I just need you as a character witness."

I probably wasn't the best for that role. I might be a prankster and know stuff about DC comics and cartoons, but I was far from an expert in either. I did recognize Mxyzptlk now, and if I was honest, the imp could go a bit overboard. I was about to refuse when my inner prankster reminded me that I would never get another opportunity like this again. I nodded to him and he grinned.

He led me to the edge of the panel and reached for a doorknob that hadn't been there a few moments ago. Just before we left the comic strip, I paused.

"By the way, you never answered: how are you real and why am I not freaking out?"

"You're not freaking out because of the nature of the artistic medium. Also, I'm not real, but before you get all uppity, remember that you aren't either."

I decided not to ask him any more questions.

The court 'room' we entered was an uneven, black and white tile floor floating in a void filled with weird-looking planets and stars. A ridiculously tall judge's bench held a trio of midgets that were peering down at us. Mxyzptlk was in chains and a tall, beautiful woman was standing on the other side of Mxyzptlk. She must be Gsptlsnz. The cartoons did not do her justice.

I did my best not to stare at Gsptlsnz, who was helping me remember me what puberty had been like in Miss Henson's english class. The judges were mostly ignoring me, and Mxyzptlk was fluctuating between screaming about his need to harass the 'big blue buffoon' and begging for his life. Gsptlsnz was doing her best to help him out of the hole he was digging for himself, but boy did she have her work cut out for her.

"If it pleases your honors, I present documented proof the defendant suffers from a chronic psychological fixation and should not be considered accountable for his actions."

I watched the cartoon, so I knew what was coming. I helped Mxyzptlk pull his ball and chain up the steps and positioned myself very carefully. Just as Gsptlsnz was about to continue, I punted her boyfriend into the path of the magic lightning one of the judges fired at her. Mxyzptlk made an odd noise and transformed into a purple and yellow christmas tree. I took advantage of the shocked pause to hold out my hands and shout.

"Wait! Just give me a second to say my piece before anyone starts throwing anymore mojo around, okay?"

The judges just stared at me. The one in the middle raised an eyebrow and lowered his still sparking finger.

"Very well, say your piece human."

"Thank you. *ahem* Everyone here knows that Mr. Mxyzptlk is going to keep causing trouble unless he's stopped. Any light punishment won't stop him long. BUT! He hasn't quite gone overboard enough to cause permanent harm to Superman or the people around him. Yes, he's escalating his plans enough that that's only a matter of time. The lady is right though, it's not his fault."

Their eyes were starting to narrow so I hurried to get to the point.

"Your problem with Mxyzptlk's actions is that he's invading the third dimension and maliciously torturing the mortals there, right? His problem is his 'Superman fixation' caused by his competitiveness and sense of mischief. Gsp, Gspyl, Gzp-"

"Gsptlsnz"

"Right, thanks. Gsptlsnz's problem is that her boyfriend's-"

"Fiance"

"Really? Congratulations! Um… her fiance's obsession is making him neglect her."

The tribunal was leaning forward in interest now and didn't look seconds from blasting me. Even Gsptlsnz seemed curious about where I was going with this.

"And you believe you have a solution?"

"I think so. Have you heard of Nabu and the Helmet of Fate?"

The judges nodded.

"Nabu is a 'Lord of Order' that uses his shiny hat to influence the same chunk of reality that Superman lives in. The fact that he needs a mortal wearing the Helmet to use his powers means that his actions are tempered by a less extreme perspective. It limits the 'Order' that he spreads to much less oppressive levels.

"Something similar could be used to make sure Mxyzptlk stays home but still gets to have his fun. It'll also restrict his power and make sure someone is there to keep him from going crazy again. Make Gsptlsnz his 'parole officer' and he'll have people watching him from both dimensions to make sure he doesn't cause any more trouble. It'll keep him out of your hair too."

The judges were rubbing their chins as they thought it over.

"I'm not sure. Your plan follows the letter of the laws, but not the spirit. The defendant would still be able to cause chaos in the third dimension, which we were trying to avoid."

"Indeed, and I'm surprised a human like you would come up with a plan that lets him still cause chaos in your home dimension."

I shrugged nonchalantly. Mxyzptlk returned to normal behind me with a pop and gave me a glare. He didn't seem to know what had been happening while he'd been photosynthesizing, but I ignored him and continued.

"Chaos itself isn't bad as long as there isn't too much of it. Humanity tends to be chaotic by itself, and chaos makes us adapt and grow. Humans aside, Mxyzptlk's shenanigans have forced Superman to adapt and use his brain more than his brawn. I'd say that Big Blue has actually benefited slightly from Mr. Mxy's actions."

"That's right! The dumb lug should be thanking me! Fish gotta swim! Birds gotta fly! I've gotta bug that jerk, till I die! ...or he does."

Another bolt of lightning shot down and hit the imp in the face, covering his mouth in duct tape.

"Silence!"

The three judges huddled together to confer with each other. I amused myself while waiting by watching Mxyzptlk struggle with his gag. Eventually, they separated and gave me a nod.

"Very well. Mxyzptlk will stay under house arrest with Gsptlsnz acting as his probation officer. We will be creating an artifact to allow him to atone for his crimes against the third dimension and cause 'constructive chaos' without leaving this dimension."

I resisted the urge to fist pump. Gsptlsnz smiled warmly at me while Mxyzptlk looked a bit torn.

"-And you, Jack, will be the artifact's first bearer."

My brain screeched to a stop for a moment. I debated asking why, but decided not to bother. It was probably because I was convenient, and I would rather pretend it was because I was special. Gsptlsnz was explaining things to Mxyzptlk, who was making some amusing noises despite being gagged. After his fiance caught him up to speed, he gripped both ends of the duct tape plastered across his face and pulled. It came away with a painful *shrip* noise, taking his mouth with it.

He pointed the tape at me and the mouth stuck to it frowned and yelled.

"What's the big idea! You were supposed to help me!"

"I did. What kind of moron neglects his fiance to hang out with a man that wears his underwear on the outside of his pants? A total moron, that's who! At least this way you aren't going to get vaporized, and Superman will still get harassed occasionally."

Gsptlsnz smirked and sauntered over to me, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and whispered in my ear.

"That's for the save ...and the help with Mxy."

Then she turned around and walked past her fiance, slipping his mouth from the duct tape and putting it back on his face before tracing a finger along his jaw as she whispered to him too.

"He's right you know~"

Both of our jaws dropped, with Mxyzptlk's literally hitting the floor. I'm pretty sure my brain short-circuited, and from the smoke coming out of his ears, it looked like the same happened to Mxyzptlk. Gsptlsnz smiled and strutted down the stairs, looking over her shoulder and giving us a wink. Eventually, we pulled ourselves together. Mxyzptlk exchanged stares before he shouted in exasperation.

"Alright, alright! I know when I've made a stupid mistake!"

The tribunal ignored our byplay as they got to work. It didn't take them long to make a trio of items. One was an ankle monitor for Mxyzptlk, the other a bracelet that let Gsptlsnz know whether her fiance was behaving, and a helmet that would give me access to some of Mxyzptlk's mojo and let him talk to me across dimensions. The three sent him off, leaving me behind.

I was given a few rules and guidelines, mostly ones I already planned on following, as well as some basic information to help me in my new job.

"-but as long as you get their permission beforehand things will be fine. Any other questions?"

Not really, but one thing had been bothering me this entire time and if I didn't ask it would drive me crazy.

"Yeah, what's with the music and why do the three of you have Jewish accents?"

Metropolis was a lot cooler looking than I expected. The comics and cartoons really didn't do justice to the city. Of course, floating up above most of the buildings meant I had a great view of it.

I put a finger up to the ear of my shiny new helmet and sent a mental message to Mxyzptlk.

'Testing, testing, one two three.'

"Hey Jack, what's up?"

'I'm just calling to tell you that I'm gonna go introduce myself to Superman. I came up with a decent prank that you'll probably find funny. I also figured I would impersonate you for a bit before the big reveal. You wanna watch now or just record it for later?'

"You're gonna prank the big blue buffoon!? Of course I'm going to-"

I blinked as his voice cut out for a few moments.

"...record it and watch it later. I have a date tonight."

Mxyzptlk's sheepish tone made me grin. This was definitely going to take him a while to get used to.

'Alright, you enjoy your date.'

"You betcha. And make sure you wipe that dumb smirk off Superman's face!"

Clark Kent, the mild-mannered reporter sat hunched in his office, tapping away at a draft for a story about the opening of a new exhibit in the Metropolis natural history museum. He was trying to cram the article down to fit what little space it would get, but he was struggling. He often felt that writing an article involved picking between making it short, interesting, or informative, and that picking one meant the other two suffered.

*ping*

His eyes flicked over at the email alert, but he didn't stop to open it. There would be time later.

*Ping*

The problem with writing good articles was often the descriptions. Done right, they drew people in, but done wrong, it was just useless, annoying fluff. Clark couldn't afford to waste any space, especially not with unneeded adjectives.

*PING*

A frown crossed his face as the email alert kept sounding, getting louder and louder. He muted the computer, but the noise didn't stop. Finally, he gave up and clicked on the little envelope icon. It expanded to fill the screen. Hands pushed out from under the flap and pried the virtual letter open. A familiar head wearing a brown bowler hat poked out and grinned at him.

"Hiya Supersap! Did'ya miss me?"

Superman let out a long sigh and leaned back to rub the bridge of his nose.

"Hello Mxyzptlk."

The imp tugged the rest of his body out of the computer monitor, Though he seemed to struggle with pulling one of his feet out. Once he was free he floated in front of the disguised kryptonian with a smug grin.

"So, are you ready for another round?"

"No thank you, can we do this later?"

"Oh, okay. I'll see you after work, alright?"

Clark Kent watched the imp give him a nod and float out the window. His jaw dropped for a second and he stared blankly for a moment. Eventually, he shook off the shock and went back to writing his article.

"Just kidding!"

Clark sighed as a quintet of Mxyzptlks appeared and blew vuvuzelas in his face. He did his best not to glare at the grinning imps.

"I really need to finish this article. Can you at least wait a bit more? Please?"

"Pfft, if you're gonna be like that, lemme help you."

The imp cracked his fingers before shoving Clark out of the way with a foot in his face. He started typing a staccato rhythm on the keyboard for a couple of seconds. The article was finished in record time and the imp floated out of the way so Clark could inspect it. The reporter leaned forward and read carefully, but didn't find anything wrong. He turned to the imp and nodded while scribbling something onto a notepad.

"It looks good, really good. I need to include a few specific words though, bosses orders."

Mxyzptlk grunted an acknowledgment and picked up the paper. He frowned at it, slapping the front of it with the back of his hand.

"Seriously? What do any of these have to do with the dinosaur exhibit? Kilt tick six em? It's a bunch of nonsense!"

Clark smirked slightly when the imp said his name backward.

"'Em' isn't even a real word! Your boss must be a pain to play scrabble with."

The smirk fell from his face as the imp repeated the words a few times, muttering about how ridiculous this was.

"...Who are you?"

"Hmm? What are you talkin' about Stuporman?"

The disguised kryptonian's eyes narrowed and he pushed himself out of his office chair. His previous 'mild-mannered' body language shifted into something more powerful and larger than life. Even though he was still wearing the clothes and glasses, Clark Kent was gone and Superman had replaced him.

"You're not Mxyzpltk."

The imp stopped abruptly, slowly turned his head towards Superman, and grinned.

"Took you long enough."

I finally understood why nobody realized that Superman and Clark Kent were the same person.

It was because, in a way, they weren't.

The shift could more accurately be called a transformation, like that of Jekyll and Hyde. Although in this case, both individuals were upstanding, moral citizens in their own ways. It was just that their posture, body language, expression, and bearing were drastically different. One was a pleasant and easygoing everyman, the other a paragon of upstanding morals and a guardian of humanity.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought that 'they' were different people, and Superman was just wearing a Clark Kent costume. It was startling to observe, and more than a little cool. It made me wonder if Batman had something similar when he pretended to be Bruce Wayne. With Superman, Clark Kent was an equally valid part of his identity. But for Batman, Bruce Wayne had stopped existing years ago.

I gave the Kryptonian a wide grin as I raised my hands into the air and did a Sailor Moon style pirouette. My disguise fell away, revealing my true appearance. I left the bowler cap perched jauntily on top of my helmet though. It was too fun to get rid of.

Superman stared warily at me, scanning my body with his X-ray vision. His gaze lingered on my helmet. It was a pretty interesting thing, a dull silver and only coming down to my nose so I could grin and smile at people. The eyes were featureless, round lights. They glowed faintly with yellow light. I could manipulate the 'eyeholes' into different shapes, letting me show emotion.

Right now they were forming small crescents, giving me a gleeful expression that matched my wide grin.

"The name's Jack, pleased to meet'cha!"

Superman let out a long breath and calmed down. He looked at me non-confrontationally.

"Well mister Jack, I-"

"No no! Mister was my dad's name! Call me Jack."

"...Okay? So, Jack, I-"

"Kind of a strange name if you think about it… 'Mister' that is. Then again, Grandpa and grandma were kind of eccentric."

"Why are you here!?"

"Oh, right. Mxyzptlk is subcontracting his 'annoy Superman' job to me."

Superman's mouth opened and shut a few times like a fish as he stared blankly.

"...That's a job?"

"Well, you certainly wouldn't want an amateur doing it, would you?"

I grinned and waited patiently for him to finish his long sigh and pull himself together. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and took several deep breaths before he calmed down enough to look back up at me. I gave him a cheerful smile.

"Alright Jack, what can I do to get you to leave?"

I sniffled theatrically and pouted for a second. Superman gave me a very unimpressed stare.

"You don't like me?"

"...Just, please."

"Fine. Kill my fun why don't you? Fun killer. Anyways, are you a dog person or a cat person?"

"Dog, why?"

I grinned widely and snapped my fingers.

"Oh, no reason~"

The sound of a deafening barking shook the windows of the Daily planet. Superman looked shocked, and my grin grew.

"What was that!?"

"Oh, you know, a ten-ton labrador retriever puppy~"

There ya go! The plan is/was to make a series of shorts about Jack messing with the various heroes and villains in DC. Some would be 'harmless' with good consequences, like giving Lex Luthor 'Pinnochio' hair. He would have to live with a multicolored afro that got larger every time he lied. There would be other pranks with more serious consequences, like making everyone on Themiscyra temporarily male. Jack would get his ass kicked by Artemis and the long term effects would be both good and bad. He would also turn The Joker into a duck, which is funny to me.