Squirrelpaw hadn't noticed anything off-putting when she woke up.
It had been the gentle steps of paws that had caused her ears to twitch originally. Groggily dragging her eyes from her paws, she noticed a large, grey shape slowly padding out of the mouth of the cave. A pale light filtered around the entrance, casting a splintered glow across the cave. Through her half-awake squint, Squirrelpaw could just about identify the shape as Stormfur.
He's probably going to go hunting. Squirrelpaw thought, uncurling from her comfy position, or as comfortable a stone floor could be anyway. Better get up, it wouldn't be fair to let him do it himself. No matter how early it is.
In fact, it would probably be better to get up soon. They'd need their energy if they wanted to get back to the forest to warn their clans. The looming threat of the prophecy Midnight had told the cats still lurked in Squirrelpaw's mind. Every clan was in danger, it seemed, and Squirrelpaw knew she had to do everything she could to make sure the group got back before any damage could befall the ones they loved.
She couldn't smell Midnight close by, so the badger must have already headed out as well. Just by the entrance she could see the hulking figures of Brambleclaw and Tawnypelt still fast asleep. Squirrelpaw smiled a little. The siblings had said some cutting things to the other yesterday, so it was nice to see a sign that they had patched things up. It was also nice to think that Brambleclaw had realised how he had been acting towards the others. Squirrelpaw still didn't trust him completely but the fact that he had apologised to her was a good start.
She just hoped he stuck to his promise to be better. She really did want them to get along, but if Brambleclaw was going to go back to snarling and insulting her, she wasn't going to just accept it. She could understand if he was stressed, they all were, especially now, but that didn't mean she was going to let him treat her like that without a taste of his own medicine.
She stretched her paws out. If Stormfur was up, soon all the others would be too. Then they'd all be able to begin their journey back. She turned her neck around to smooth her ruffled pelt, and found herself freezing when she saw the sleeping face of Crowpaw right next to her.
Squirrelpaw felt a sudden joy when she saw him.
Then that joy transformed into a cresting horror.
Oh no. The Thunderclan apprentice's pupils shrank as she realised that something else had drastically changed. She didn't know whether to race away from the sleeping tom or to just watch him breathe gently until he woke up. Her heart began to thunder so hard that she felt her head ache.
The previous night whirled in her mind.
She'd been so tired that she couldn't even remember coming back into the cave. The last thing she could even picture was her head against Crowpaw's side as they'd looked out into the night. He must have helped me back inside. Squirrelpaw mused, feeling the trace of a smile cross onto her muzzle.
Her heart fluttered.
Her mind pricked her like a thorn to come back to her senses.
Oh… sweet… Starclan, it was true! Squirrelpaw's head dipped down in defeat, her eyes wide as realisation gleamed like the burning sun.
I really do… 'like' him like that, don't I?
That very thought meant that Squirrelpaw was going against something sacred.
But she was smart enough to admit it was true.
Squirrelpaw didn't claim to be experienced when it came to feelings like love. Her only priorities had been on advancing as a warrior, she'd never had the time in Thunderclan to think about those kind of things. The only love she was well known to was the one shared between her mother and father. She'd heard all the stories about how Sandstorm had scoffed at the very thought of becoming friends with a kittypet; seeing her parents now, Squirrelpaw still had a hard time believing those stories.
Well, she'd probably be able to believe them a little easier now.
Not that her parents would be any happier.
Squirrelpaw felt an uneasy quiver travel down to her tail. Could she actually admit this so easily? This was against the Warrior code! She just had to look at what happened to Greystripe and his kits to see what a half-clan relationship could do. Not only did it dishonour your clan, it just brought heartache to everyone involved. It was only one clan or nothing. That much was simple.
But even as those thoughts went through her mind, the stuttering of her heart never sated as long as she was looking at the grey apprentice beside her.
Throughout the journey, it had been Crowpaw that had made Squirrelpaw believe in herself so much more. Her actions weren't foolish to him, they were brave, and he made certain to let her know that. And when he did think she'd gone too far…
She could still feel herself in his paws, the touch of his fur against hers.
The admittance that she wanted more moments like that were proof enough.
Squirrelpaw let out a groan that sounded more like a squeak, hiding her eyes behind her fluffy tail. What do I do now? She had to try and move past it, surely. Her feelings for him weren't the thing she needed to keep on her mind. Here she was, whining like a mouse-heart, when her home could be have been reduced to rubble just days ago!
What was the point of wallowing about something pointless like this? It wasn't like Crowpaw felt the same way. Sure, they were friends but Crowpaw had never given any indication that he liked her beyond that.
He cried over you, didn't he?
Her tail limply hung over her nose as her eyes stared ahead. That was true. Crowpaw was the most stoic, stone cold apprentice she had ever met, and he had actually spilled tears all because he was scared about her safety.
She felt awful for making him do that, yet she also felt a spark of hope.
He had been cold to everyone from the beginning. Yet he had defended her again and again, stuck by her for most days, and didn't feel uncomfortable to share tongues and, in some cases, comfort with her.
Last night, he'd said he wanted to continue meeting with her.
Squirrelpaw ran her tongue over her suddenly dry lips. What if… he does feel like that? She couldn't believe she was even considering this, but she was. If Crowpaw liked her too… did that mean he would still stand by her, even when they returned to the clans,
They were both stubborn enough to try, she thought.
Squirrelpaw knew she needed to strike herself to shut these incredibly dangerous thoughts up, but it didn't stop a small grin from coming to her lips at the ideas.
Maybe it would be better if she told him straight away. At least then she'd get a clear answer before they returned to the clans, that would be safer for her at least. Then the worst thing that could happen was him rejecting her. And while… that thought didn't make her too happy, at least she could focus back on the journey.
And if he did like her that way…
Regrettably, Squirrelpaw felt every strand of her fur tingle with glee.
As if struck by lightning, Squirrelpaw felt an energy pulse through her again, snatching away any tiredness she had felt. Yes, she would get it over with as soon as she could! She was going to be a Warrior after all, and Warrior's didn't run away from any battle. Not even themselves. As soon as Crowpaw was awake, she was going to get him away from the group, and just face him head on, whether he liked it or not!
Squirrelpaw smirked, that was definitely the best way to tackle this! Just get one problem out of the way so she could focus on the grander one! Of course it was the best of her, not many, options!
Outside of her vision, a yawn made her flinch. "Oh, morning Squirrelbrain."
Squirrelpaw's resolve scurried away like a mouse into a dark hole.
The Thunderclan apprentice twitched like she'd been caught in a bush of twisted thorns. Keep calm. She ushered herself through grit teeth.
"Why are you shaking? Is your fur still soaked?" Crowpaw joked, chuckling in a way that made Squirrelpaw tremble a little.
"N-No!" Squirrelpaw exclaimed, turning to face the cat with as straight a face as she could manage. All the Windclan cat had to do was blink sleepily at her, before she could feel her teeth chatter again, though thankfully not audibly. She hid away her jittering with a furrowed brow. "I'm just getting sick of waiting for you lazy lumps to wake up, that's all!"
Crowpaw rolled his eyes, standing up to stretch his long limbs with a stifled grunt. "From what I saw, you're the one who looked like she needed the most sleep." He jibed, a blue pupil glinting at her through a playful slit.
It turned out Squirrelpaw was able to realise with amazing clarity how hard she was blushing, when she actually liked someone.
"Well, I got it!" Squirrelpaw meowed. She shook herself off quickly. She needed to act natural and fast! "How about you? Think you won't fall asleep in the mud again?" She said, puffing her tail out in faux confidence.
"Too funny." Crowpaw mewed coolly, sticking himself out straight. Squirrelpaw's neck shrank a little into her shoulders as she looked up at him. Had he always been this much taller than her? Had he gone through a weird growth spurt overnight? "But yeah, I slept fine thanks."
"Oh, good." Squirrelpaw said, meaning her words a little too much.
"It is." A gentle voice cut in. Both apprentice's turned, smiling as Feathertail strode up to them with a glistening mood.
To Squirrelpaw's credit, the only thing that gave her away was the slight widening of her eyes.
Feathertail.
She was the one of the major things Squirrelpaw hadn't considered. The apprentice was certain that the Warrior held Crowpaw in high regard, and was almost certain she shared the same feelings for the apprentice that Squirrelpaw did. And why wouldn't she; the two had become friends with each other before Squirrelpaw had found her way into their small group. In fact, the only reason she had even given Crowpaw the time of day at all was because Feathertail had encouraged her to give him a chance.
Oh, how right the Warrior had been.
"Have you two seen Stormfur?" The Riverclan cat asked.
"I think I heard him outside." Crowpaw responded, grooming his short fur. "I think he's talking to Midnight."
Feathertail gave the apprentice a small smile, Squirrelpaw wondered if she'd seen something else inside of it. An uncomfortable irritation made her ears twitch. Silently she gnashed her jaws together.
"Well then," Squirrelpaw cried, bursting up to her paws. "What are we waiting for? Let's get going!" From the way her friends looked to each other, brows raised, she wasn't acting as normal as she wanted to be.
She didn't realise how loud she'd been until she heard the tired grumbling of her clanmate. "You know, there's an easier way to wake cats up." Brambleclaw drawled, uncurling his body to stretch.
Next to him, Tawnypelt rose, giving her brother a light swat with her tail. "Well, at least we're awake." Brambleclaw sniffed with a small laugh, groaning as he unfolded his tense limbs.
"Ugh, how does Midnight manage to sleep on that every night?"
Tawnypelt let out a mrrow of laughter. "What? Is it too tough for you?"
Brambleclaw scoffed. "Could be." The two siblings shared a smirk, with Brambleclaw letting his sister give him a friendly lick on his cheek.
A gentle purr of delight hummed from Feathertail. "Thank Starclan those two are alright?" She mewed, "I was so worried about them after yesterday."
Crowpaw nodded gently, his blue eyes misty with thought. Squirrelpaw craned her head, what had him and Brambleclaw actually talked about last night? Did the apprentice have more to do with Brambleclaw's sudden apology than he'd let on? That would make more sense considering how insufferable Brambleclaw had been until then.
"I know that Brambleclaw's been… difficult recently," Feathertail continued, holding onto her politeness. "But you could see how hurt he was by what Tawnypelt had said."
Squirrelpaw scoffed, "It'd be better if he'd seen how he made the rest of us feel before. Maybe then, Tawnypelt wouldn't have had to tell him like that." Just because Squirrelpaw was going to give him a chance, it didn't mean she was going to be easy on him.
"I know," Feathertail said slowly, "But they're still siblings, even if they're from different clans, they shouldn't be like that."
Crowpaw shrugged, "I wouldn't lose sleep over it." He said, with unnatural confidence. "I think they'll be fine."
Both mollie's turned to him confused. Of all things, they hadn't expected Crowpaw to sound so calm about the tom who beaten him just a day ago. "You think so?" Feathertail asked, her tail swaying thoughtfully. Squirrelpaw was just as surprised.
Crowpaw's whiskers twitched up, "Yes. After that, I think he's got in in his head how much of a mouse-brain he was."
"Doesn't mean he'll stop." Squirrelpaw muttered.
Crowpaw laughed out loud. Squirrelpaw felt her cheeks burn. "I can agree with you there. If he starts again, that'll just mean he's more flea-brained than I thought."
Feathertail sighed, "I guess we'll see for ourselves. I don't want to be unfair to him though." She said mildly. She really was the most gentle hearted cats Squirrelpaw had ever met. Any cat who didn't like her had to have rabbit dung instead of a heart.
The apprentice stopped short though when Crowpaw graciously pressed his nose against her pelt. "You, unfair? It's more likely that my fur will turn white!." His tone held the same genial tone that Crowpaw had always used with the Warrior. But it was Feathertail's reaction that caught Squirrelpaw off guard.
The Riverclan molly's fur flared around in flattered astonishment, before a warmth glowed across her face. She pressed her tail against his fur in thanks. Squirrelpaw recognised the glow in her eyes. It had first appeared when Crowpaw had saved Feathertail from the dog.
Squirrelpaw felt her throat tighten and her stomach quiver.
She sprang up to her paws, clawing away at her stupid thoughts and tightening her muzzle with a grin. "Okay okay! Enough chattering! Let's get hunting!" She shouted. She seemed to be acting more naturally as Feathertail giggled while Crowpaw's tail curled in amusement.
"There's her focus, right there."
Squirrelpaw stuck her tongue out at him, her bushy tail flaring as she pranced over to the cave entrance. She inwardly sighed in relief that they hadn't noticed anything off about her, but there was still that stupid coil in her stomach, that mixture of frustration, regret and pathetic jealousy.
Fox-dung! I need to find a way to get over this!
Neither of her friends were idiots, if she kept on acting like that over every little thing, they would catch her out sooner or later. But wasn't that what she wanted? To get it out as soon as possible. Eventually, she would need to.
Eventually.
But if Feathertail liked him as well? Squirrelpaw grimaced. Would Feathertail be hurt by her confession? She could just hope that Crowpaw would keep it a secret. But even then, Squirrelpaw would feel like she was betraying the cat she had grown to respect so much. Feathertail didn't deserve to be hurt. She deserved to be happy. And if that happiness came from Crowpaw then…
Squirrelpaw clenched her teeth. She was overthinking this. So what if Feathertail had looked respectfully towards Crowpaw? Any cat would appreciate him if he was as kind to them as he was to her. Squirrelpaw was probably mistaken. There was no clarity that Feathertail held anything for the apprentice, she might even have someone at Riverclan that her heart belonged to.
Squirrelpaw had to keep her hopes up. If she lost sleep over this it could affect her during the journey.
Her clan was her duty, that was what she needed to lead her.
Despite her attraction to another clan cat.
Squirrelpaw groaned. The sooner they got on their way the better! Her stomach suddenly growled and her face heated up. Though she had been right before, they did need to get hunting.
She blinked away the glowing face of the sun as she found the entrance. "All right, where's the prey around here? I'm starving!"
"Budge up and let the rest of us out." Crowpaw said snidely from behind her. "Then we might be able to tell you!" He gave her rump a friendly nudge and she sprang forward, failing at ignoring the tingling where his head had touched her. Crowpaw pounced ahead of her, smirking playfully at her and Feathertail, as the Warrior bounced beside the two then up to her brother who sat by the pebbles talking to Midnight.
In the brightness of the sun, it was hard to tell if the gleaming in Feathertail's eyes was down to the strong light, or something else entirely.
Squirrelpaw felt her appetite diminish a little. This was going to be harder than she thought.
…
The sun had risen higher into the sky, painting the horizon with a glittering blue. The travelling cats followed Midnight as they began their way back to the forest, all prepared to spring the moment they saw prey.
Squirrelpaw's stomach continued to growl like a kittypet as she walked beside Stormfur albeit a little sulkily. She had suggested that the group hunt first before they made their journey back, but Brambleclaw had recommended that they hunt along the way. Annoyingly the rest of the group had agreed with the tom, even Crowpaw of all cats. That had stung more than it should have.
It was even more annoying that Squirrelpaw had to admit to herself that her clanmate was right. They didn't have time to waste, even if they were hungry. Squirrelpaw didn't have a problem with the fact that she was wrong, but it still seemed to her that Brambleclaw was trying to keep some kind of leadership over the rest of them. Even now, he kept at the head of the group, occasionally looking back at them like they were his responsibility.
However, the urgency in his eyes did look more like concern now, rather than control.
Squirrelpaw sighed. At least he was being helpful if he was going to be bossy.
It was slightly easier moving, now that they knew where they were going. The Prophecy had been told, and Squirrelpaw was part of it now. But the danger that awaited them was impossible to ignore and would remain with them every step of the way.
It would do no good to panic. It wouldn't help any of them and wouldn't stop what was coming. They just needed to carry on and pray to Starclan it wasn't too late.
Like her companions, Squirrelpaw kept her focus on finding prey. They'd need to keep their strength for as long as they could, after all. The air was warm, but a gentle breeze still wavered the long moor grass. Hopefully, it would lead something towards them after a while.
Squirrelpaw's tail curled as she remembered Crowpaw's advice from yesterday. She pressed her nose to the swaying grass, trying to catch a scent in the air. She heard a confused mrrow come from Stormfur.
"What are you doing?" He asked softly.
She didn't answer as she tried to find a smell. Nothing came. Sighing, she rose up again and gave Stormfur a shrug. "It's a Windclan technique Crowpaw taught me. Looks like it didn't work this time." Maybe the wind wasn't strong enough.
Stormfur's eyes shifted away, his tail lashing in small irritation. "I see." Squirrelpaw rose a brow at the annoyance in his eyes. What was his problem?
She was about to speak when she felt her whiskers sway a different way. Along came a mouth-watering scent. Before she could even react, Crowpaw had sprinted off into the direction of a nearby hill. Squirrelpaw could just about see the white tail of the rabbit.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Brambleclaw yelled. Whether Crowpaw heard him or not didn't matter as his long grey tail disappeared under the green slope of the hill. The Thunderclan Warrior growled in exasperation. "Does he ever listen?"
Squirrelpaw frowned. He's just trying to catch us some food.
"He won't be long." Feathertail mewed with a soothing chuckle. "You could hardly expect him to ignore a rabbit when it pops right under our noses." Squirrelpaw may have smiled at the Warrior's defence, but a jealous heat still rushed to her cheeks.
Brambleclaw didn't snap, but his tail still whipped hotly around.
Squirrelpaw bit her lip, holding back an urge to hiss at her clanmate. He had promised he was going to try harder!
Maybe sensing the growing tension, Stormfur readied himself to follow Crowpaw. "I'll fetch him back!" The light in the tom's amber eyes faded as the group saw Crowpaw reappear over the hill. A rabbit almost as big as the apprentice hung from his mouth. Squirrelpaw wasn't surprised that her friends were even more shocked than her.
Even for Crowpaw, that was fast.
Dragging the rabbit back, Crowpaw dropped it before the cats, his blue eyes coolly looking to Brambleclaw. "That didn't take long, did it?" Crowpaw meowed, "I suppose we're allowed to stop and eat it?" He cocked his head to the side, daring someone to object him.
Brambleclaw opened his mouth, frowning, then shut it again as he looked back at the rabbit. The smell was clearly making all of their stomachs groan. The brown Warrior sighed gently, "Of course." Squirrelpaw's eyes widened as she saw clear regret in her clanmate's eyes. Brambleclaw took a breath, his large form relaxing. "Sorry Crowpaw, I'd forgotten how fast Windclan cats can be. This…" His voice became soft. "This moorland must feel like home to you."
An small uneasiness crept into Crowpaw's gaze, he quickly looked away with a sharp nod. "It's fine. Now let's eat." Brambleclaw didn't respond, but there was a grateful warmth around him. Something glowed inside Squirrelpaw at her clanmate's small action.
It was a small apology, but it was an apology nonetheless.
Maybe, just maybe, the cat was changing for the better.
Maybe she'd get back her friend again.
As the cats began to eat, Brambleclaw turned and found Squirrelpaw looking at him. He swallowed hard, his back fur quivering a little as the apprentice looked blankly at him. They shared a look for a few seconds. He took in a cold breath and smiled softly at the cat, a heavy look in his eyes.
Squirrelpaw didn't smile, but she nodded softly at him. She wasn't entirely sure yet. But that little moment, it was certainly better than before.
She gulped down her share of the rabbit, sighing as her hunger settled. It wouldn't be enough on its own, but it was a good start to the day. She inwardly grinned. Crowpaw was proving himself to the group, little by little. Her fur quivered with delight. Looking around, every cat looked happier thanks to the cat's catch.
Except Stormfur.
The Riverclan tom held a strange apprehensiveness in his stare, his tail clearly twitching with agitation. Squirrelpaw slid her gaze to where he was looking and she too held her eyes on the sight. Feathertail ate beside Crowpaw, close enough to be touching pelts, but it wasn't that that made Squirrelpaw unsettled. It was the radiance that glittered in Feathertail's eyes.
Ah. So Stormfur saw it too. He had the same suspicions as her.
It would make sense. Stormfur had full experience of what a half-clan relationship meant. It was only natural that he was worried, if he saw that look that his sister gave to a different clan cat.
The voice in Squirrelpaw's head that told her she was overreacting suddenly sounded much more desperate. Kind of like begging.
It was still possible that Feathertail's admiration was for Crowpaw's hunting abilities. Any cat would appreciate that.
Looking at him, Squirrelpaw admired things about Crowpaw as well.
The shine of his fur in the cool sun, as well as the confidence that stuck out in his form, pulsing in his eyes. They looked much more striking.
Squirrelpaw began to swallow more out of necessity than pleasure. It was harder to focus on her hunger now she realised how handsome Crowpaw was.
…
It was Sunhigh by the time the group had reached the forest. In a turn of luck, bad luck if Crowpaw's expression was to say anything, Purdy had kept his promise and had stayed at the forest edge until they returned.
Squirrelpaw hadn't been the biggest fan of the past kittypet, especially considering his questionable sense of directions, but she still respected that he had been of help to them in the Two-leg place. Plus, the fact he had been willing to spring at Midnight, when she could have easily killed him with one blow, it was respectful to say the least.
Luckily that hadn't turned into any trouble. And now it was time to hunt for real, before they returned to their travels.
Brambleclaw had suggested they meet up at their old camp, before he and Tawnypelt had stalked away on their own. Squirrelpaw had turned to Crowpaw and Feathertail, assuming they would hunt together, and found Feathertail awkwardly glancing away from the hard gaze of Stormfur. Squirrrelpaw's tail dropped, so he still didn't trust the thought of them.
Not that the idea was any more pleasant to Squirrelpaw.
Feathertail flushed with obvious embarrassment. "W-Why don't we all hunt together?" She mewed, her stare pleading towards her brother. "We'd all do better as a group."
"Sounds good to me." Crowpaw added, he looked over to Stormfur welcomingly.
Stormfur looked away, his neck fur prickling. "No." Stormfur griped, turning with an annoyed swing of his tail. A clear pang of hurt welled in Feathertail's eyes, her ears dropping back. "I'm fine on my own." Stormfur either didn't notice or didn't care as he padded away into the bushes. Squirrelpaw could see his teeth on display in a grimace.
Squirrelpaw heard his rustling lessen before turning back to her friends. Feathertail's tail was limp on the ground as she looked down at her paws, wounded. Squirrelpaw felt pity rush through her, it was awful to see Feathertail upset.
At least Crowpaw was there to comfort her.
He shook his head in annoyed confusion before he rubbed against Feathertail's pelt cordially. "Don't worry about him. Whatever has gotten burrs stuck in his fur, he'll get over it. Don't let it get to you."
Feathertail still looked upset, but she pressed her tail against the apprentice in appreciation. There was also the flicker in her eyes again.
Squirrelpaw found herself looking away from the two as well.
"Squirrelpaw!" Crowpaw called, "Are you coming?" He was inviting her, he still wanted her there. But Squirrelpaw couldn't find the energy like before. Not like this.
Fumbling, she kept her gaze away until she was looking at the bushed where Stormfur had disappeared. A quick spark erupted in her brain. "Actually, I might go catch up with Stormfur and hunt with him."
Crowpaw rose a brow while Feathertail looked up with interest. "Oh." Crowpaw made a puzzled mrrow. "Are you sure? He said he'd be fine alone."
Squirrelpaw rolled her tail dismissively, "Of course, he'd say that. But it's like Feathertail said, we'll all do better in a group. I'll go help him; you two will be fine together." The last word was more straining to say.
"I would really appreciate that Squirrelpaw." Feathertail mewed with a soft smile. "He would get on better if he had some cat to help him."
Crowpaw's tail curled, "Yeah, but are you sure he'd want Squirrelpaw there?"
The Thunderclan apprentice scowled, her fluffy chest puffing out in offence. "Why wouldn't he? The forest is my kind of territory, you know?"
"I know that. It's just…" Crowpaw gave Feathertail a stiff glance, his brow creased. Feathertail laughed with a wave of her tail.
"I'm sure he'd love her company." Feathertail's whiskers rose, a strange smirk rising on her face. Squirrelpaw cocked her head as Crowpaw nodded with an exasperated sniff.
"What's going on?"
Crowpaw flicked his tail. "Never mind."
Feathertail took a tentative step towards her. "Are you sure you don't want to hunt with us? We can come with you if you like."
Squirrelpaw shook her head, a little too forcefully. She took a leap away towards the bushes. "I'll be fine! All the prey won't be in one place, after all." She crafted a playful smirk, "I'll see you guys later. Make sure Crowpaw doesn't trip over his paws, okay Feathertail!"
"I heard that!" Crowpaw yowled over Feathertail's laughter as the ginger apprentice pranced away.
"You were supposed to, mouse-brain!" She sang back. Squirrelpaw jumped through the undergrowth, shaking off any leaves that got caught in her fur. Now she was out of sight, she let her artificial smile break.
Pathetic. She didn't even have the heart to be around her own friends. Not when the question still dug into her like the teeth of a pack of dogs.
Starclan above! She was supposed to be a Warrior! The hero of the forest's daughter!
And she couldn't even look a cat in the eye without wanting to melt.
She was gifting the two time together, why? She wanted to believe that she was a good friend supporting the idea that Feathertail did like Crowpaw and giving the two some time to bond.
She knew that wasn't the truth.
Because every time she did see a sign of that possibility, she felt a burning misery.
She just wanted to get away from that.
A flashing pain pounded on her head. Grumbling, she looked up, letting out a low moan when she saw the cause. "Stupid tree." She needed to be on her guard. Even if she was looking for Stormfur, she still needed to hunt for herself.
It would do her some good.
Her senses shot around until a familiar musk hit her. And it wasn't of any kind of prey. At least he didn't go far.
Squirrelpaw followed the scent of Riverclan until she found Stormfur beside a small stream rushing along a crack in the forest. His ears were fixed downwards, and his head was turned towards the water. Along his back his fur was still spiked with distaste. Squirrelpaw stepped towards him. "Any fish?"
Stormfur sprang a little, turning to the apprentice with fur prickled in alarm. Squirrelpaw held back a laugh. Stormfur stiffened himself, whiskers swirling shamefully. "Oh, it's you Squirrelpaw. Um, no, The water's too shallow for fish."
Squirrelpaw sighed. "Bad luck. Still, found anything yet."
"Just a mouse. It's buried over there." His tail swung towards land where a grand elm tree stood tall. "So, not that I mind." His voice quavered, "But what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be hunting with my sister and Crowpaw."
Squirrelpaw shrugged, "Those two will do fine themselves. I thought I'd come and give you some help."
Stormfur's face brightened but he still kept still. "Oh, I, uh, I appreciate that. But I said I'd be fine alone." He said. Squirrelpaw thought he was trying to look bigger than he was. This cat really could be weird.
"Well, I say, we'll hunt better as a group. And even if you say no, I'm still going to follow you." She said, lashing her tail to say that was the end of it.
"But-"
"But nothing." Squirrelpaw meowed, she strolled up to him and gave him a nudge. She could smell squirrel and mice around. "Come on, we'll go this way."
Squirrelpaw paced ahead, but she still turned back to wait for Stormfur. The Warrior stood there, nonplussed, a moment longer before sighing with a smiling resignation. Squirrelpaw smiled back. She didn't know why Stormfur needed to make such a big deal of it.
Then again, she probably couldn't talk much.
They hunted together, ears pricked and ready. Squirrelpaw had been right, they had worked much better together. Stormfur had been able to find a pair of mice that the two had quickly silenced and buried under the pile. The tom had almost missed a squirrel as it scrambled up a tree, but Squirrelpaw had been able to jump up and catch it before it escaped. Stormfur had nodded with respect as she dispatched the prey. Squirrelpaw had thanked him with a playful bow.
It was good Stormfur was there though, he could carry much more than Squirrelpaw could. They still had time to catch some more, and the aroma of vole lingered in the air, making their mouths water. It hadn't been long before Stormfur had found the creature and was carrying it back in his teeth.
Squirrelpaw felt impressed at the obvious experience of the Warrior, many Thunderclan cats had told her that Riverclan was a nest of lazy cats who'd rather sleep in the sun than hunt. That couldn't be less true when she saw Stormfur. He never looked away or unfixed as he stalked the scent he had found, and he was certainly just as strong as any Warrior she knew. Sure the was a strange hesitation around him that Squirrelpaw couldn't identify, but it wasn't so distracting that it threw the cat off of his work.
It just hit Squirrelpaw then how impactful this journey really had been. Excluding the obvious, she knew that wouldn't believe any stories about the other clans again, she didn't see these cats as rivals but as friends that would forever change how she saw the Clans themselves. And she couldn't have been more happy about it.
"There." Stormfur exclaimed as he dropped the vole onto the pile. "That should be enough."
Squirrelpaw let out a proud chirp as she began to uncover the prey. "See! I told you we'd work better as a team! Let's get these back to the others, I'm so hungry I could eat a toad!"
Squirrelpaw heard Stormfur chuckle as she began to collect the prey, but it was short and weak. Flicking an ear, Squirrelpaw looked up, becoming concerned when she saw Stormfur looking down with a hazy expression.
Squirrelpaw laid the prey down again. "Hey, what's the matter?"
Stormfur exhaled, a guilty aura looming over him. "I should have gone with you guys."
"Huh?"
He let out a frustrated moan. "I'm supposed to be here to watch over Feathertail. I shouldn't have just left her like that." He raked his paw across the ground, scowling at thin air. "What if something's happened to her?"
Squirrelpaw approached the cat, her eyes tender on him. It really was cute how close he was to Feathertail. "Nothing will have happened to her." She mewed, rubbing her tail against his pelt. "Feathertail can fend for herself, besides she has Crowpaw with her."
Squirrelpaw could immediately tell those had been the wrong words, as Stormfur glowered, bending over as his amber eyes blazed. "So, she does."
The venom in his tone wasn't strong, but it was obvious enough that Squirrelpaw found herself frowning. "What's your problem with Crowpaw?" She demanded, her neck fur spiking. "I thought you and him were starting to get along!"
Stormfur actually looked cowed at her reaction as he visibly edged away. His tail trailed dust as it wavered from side to side. Closing his eyes, Stormfur let out a soft hiss of irritation. "Ugh! You've seen what they're like, right?"
The strength in Squirrelpaw's stance reeled. She just about managed to feign ignorance. "What?" She said, her voice shamefully high-pitched.
Stormfur turned, bent over as he steamed. "I know you're not mouse-brained, Squirrelpaw. You've seen how they act around each other." He padded over to where the stream chattered, staring down at his reflection.
Squirrelpaw wanted to speak up, but Stormfur was only echoing her own thoughts back to her. Actually, the fact another cat shared her assumptions made them look alarmingly accurate. Stormfur knew Feathertail better than anyone.
She must have looked off as Stormfur only glanced at her once before making a bitter chuff. "See, you have noticed!" He returned his eyes to the water, shoulders rising "What could she honestly see in that apprentice?!"
Despite herself, Squirrelpaw's eyes darted up to the Warrior with a glare. Don't talk about him like you actually know him! Luckily, she had regained enough control to not say her thoughts out loud, but what she did say was still cold. "Hmm, what could a cat see in an apprentice?"
Stormfur flinched, looking back at her with guilt in his eyes. "Sorry Squirrelpaw. I didn't mean it like that." He murmured, his flossy tail trailing on the ground.
The ginger molly softened. She knew that Stormfur wasn't trying to be hurtful, he wasn't that kind of cat. "It's alright." Squirrelpaw mewed, her own voice growing gentle. "I'm sorry too. I know you're just worried about Feathertail."
Stormfur smiled graciously, but he returned his downcast head to his reflection. Squirrelpaw's ears went back in pity. She went over to the stream, sitting beside the grey tom. He looked down with a misty expression. "I just can't see how it couldn't bother them. They're in different clans!"
Squirrelpaw's smile tightened. "They might just be friends, Stormfur."
Stormfur turned to her unhappily. "I want that to be true, Squirrelpaw. But Feathertail… I've never seen her act like how she does around him." Squirrelpaw pressed her teeth together as Stormfur went on. "What happens if they do like each other that way? They can't just expect the clans will accept it! They could end up exiled, or worse!"
I know.
Squirrelpaw exhaled, gazing off into the distance. "Have you tried asking Feathertail how she feels about him?"
Stormfur scoffed, "Have you?"
The apprentice looked up at him icily. "It never bothered me before." She lied. "Crowpaw told me you were okay with him and Feathertail being friends."
Stormfur looked aside, exhaling deeply. "I am. I'm not against Crowpaw as a cat." Squirrelpaw felt a small relief at that, even though she could sense there was a 'but'. "I do trust him. I just… I just don't want Feathertail to get herself hurt."
"Crowpaw would rather hurt himself before hurting Feathertail!" Squirrelpaw exclaimed, her tail flaring up again.
"I know!" Stormfur insisted. "But it still doesn't change that they will get themselves hurt if I'm right." The grey tom struck a paw at his reflection, hissing as his saw his murky face ripple across the water. Squirrelpaw still frowned, but she couldn't argue. Stormfur wasn't wrong. And in the end, he was just desperately worried about his dear sister. She couldn't hold that against him.
Besides, it wasn't like he knew his words were affecting her as well.
What was she going to do when this was all over? Regardless of whether Feathertail did like Crowpaw or not, it didn't change how there were barriers that blocked Squirrelpaw from him as well.
Firestar was protective enough of her when she had hung around Bramblestar.
She dreaded to think what he would do if he found out who she was really attracted to.
Squirrelpaw found her own reflection in the stream. Wavering around without direction on the surface of a hollow space. She blinked when she saw the dolour fogging her eyes, closing and opening until she felt she could see her face a little more clearly.
For a brief moment, Squirrelpaw felt like she could see what she'd been before the journey had started.
But that was kittish. It was never going to be like that again.
"I don't know, Stormfur." Squirrelpaw said with a swift tiredness. She hated how small she sounded. "I just want to get back home."
She wanted all these questions in her heart to be answered, whether she liked the answers or not.
Thankfully, Stormfur seemed to accept that answer, he curled his tail around Squirrelpaw's back. "I know. I do too." He stated placidly. The two sat in silence, looking down towards the water. Squirrelpaw felt Stormfur twitch a little. "There's a much bigger river than this at home…obviously," He added in with a small laugh, "It's full of fish at every mark. Me and Feathertail learnt how to swim in it together." Stormfur smiled at his recollections, the peaceful imagery washing over Squirrelpaw with a sympathetic rush. Stormfur's muzzle thinned, his voice growing faint. "I wonder if it's still there."
Squirrelpaw returned his touch, rubbing against him soothingly. "It's going to be fine." She grinned up at him with a flicker in her green eyes. "Because even if it isn't, there's a much bigger river out there somewhere! And you and Feathertail are going to lead your clan to it!"
Stormfur laughed, "Isn't that the dream." He meowed. He looked down at the apprentice, something glimmering in his stare for a moment before he turned away with a sigh. "I just hope Feathertail will be happy when it happens."
Would Feathertail be happy if she had to leave the cat she cared about?
Squirrelpaw knew how she'd feel.
"Don't worry about that." The Thunderclan cat declared, getting up to return to the buried prey. "You ought to ask her. Now come on, I'm starting to digest myself, I'm so hungry!"
The Riverclan tom looked on for a moment before rising up as well, clear wonder in his expression. "Do you actually think she'd tell me?"
Squirrelpaw picked up whatever she could carry. "You're her brother, aren't you?" She said, her voice muffled by her full mouth. She wandered away to the direction of the camping sight, slowing down so Stormfur could catch up, but not looking back at him.
She didn't want to think about those questions anymore.
It was far too exhausting. And it was painful to know they weren't going away anytime soon.
…
The journey had changed with the rising of the sun.
Midnight had informed them that there was a quicker way to reach home than the Twolegplace, which had suited the group fine until they realised where she was pointing them towards.
Into the direction of the sun. It hung above the sharp tops of the mountain range.
It had been a close vote among the cats, but there was a common feeling of how dire their time was running out that led them towards the latter option. It was unknown territory, but they figured it couldn't be anymore harder than what they had all faced already. So, the cats had said their goodbyes to Midnight and Purdy, before setting off towards the stones that splintered the clouds.
It hadn't been too hard at the start, the rock was smooth and not too slippery, and to his credit, Brambleclaw seemed to lead them to paths that weren't too steep to climb at all.
But as they'd grown higher up, the paths had thinned, and the air had grown colder. Soon they were balancing themselves on thin ridges jutted out from the body of the mountain. Every cat had had to rely on another to balance them at some point. At the very least, the trust the cats now shared was more obvious than ever.
It didn't mean that any of them were any calmer though.
Squirrelpaw felt her heart in her ears as she carefully held herself on the ridge before her. The others ahead looked just as nervous, even Brambleclaw who's heavy breathing could be heard from the back of the line. No cat judged him for it. A breeze had met the cats as they walked along, and every cold wisp that made Squirrelpaw's whiskers twitch made the freezing fear in her belly even stronger.
"You're doing fine." Stormfur said, he traversed behind her at the back of the group, just in case any predator tried to sneak up on the group from behind.
Squirrelpaw meant to mutter a thank you, but it was warbled by tense worry. She was trying her hardest to keep her eyes ahead, but the corner of her eye was amazingly vivid, capturing the view that showcased a river, as thin as a whisker from their height, that awaited any cat that was unfortunate enough to drop.
Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! Squirrelpaw grinded her teeth and pressed on. Just keep moving forward.
In front of her, Tawnypelt shifted on with equal strength. "How much further, Brambleclaw?" She called. Her brother had reached a turn at the mountain-face and not even a second later there was a sudden shout of frustration.
"No!"
Squirrelpaw flinched, leaning to the mountain, so she didn't lose her balance. The other cats looked equally disturbed. "What is it?" Stormfur shouted.
No cat responded until every cat had made their way around the turn. For a moment, Squirrelpaw felt her worries loosen as she found the others at a wider slab of stone that let the cats all rest together. However, her mouth dropped in horror as she saw the edge ahead of them.
There was a gap between the ridge they currently inhabited and the next solid ground. It wasn't too far, but the expanse of twisted trees and rough stone that lay at the bottom made it look so much bigger.
"Sh-Should we go back?" Stormfur suggested. Squirrelpaw's belly twisted at the thought of braving that ridge again, but the drop ahead didn't look any better.
Brambleclaw's face twisted into a squint, "Look over there!"
The cats did, and sure enough they saw what he was looking at. On the other side of the drop, the stone was undeniably smoother and wider, more than enough to hold the cats without difficulty.
"There's bushes growing over there as well!" Feathertail exclaimed. "There might be prey!"
Crowpaw took a step near the edge and sniffed. His eyes brightened. "I can smell rabbits over there!"
"Should we risk it though?" Stormfur mumbled, his eyes wide on the drop below. "It's a good leap."
"Its's not like back there's any easier." Brambleclaw started forward, driven by his instincts. Then he paused, his ears dropping back as his tail rested on the stone floor. He looked to the other side, clearly longing to waste no time, but he sighed and retreated on his haunches, looking to the others. "But if you all feel safer going that way, we can."
Squirrelpaw could tell each cat was trying to hide how surprised they were by her clanmate's attitude. It wasn't long ago that he had practically forced them to follow whatever he said was best. But each cat was clearly pleased by what he said. Squirrelpaw could have thought she was ill by the admiration she felt for the Warrior.
Maybe he can make a good leader. When he's not being a mouse-brain.
Luckily for Brambleclaw, a vote on the matter wasn't needed. As Crowpaw was clearly preparing himself to spring. "We can't just stand here as if we'll grow wings!" He meowed. Before any cat could stop him, he sprang from the ledge. Squirrelpaw's throat clenched as she saw him in the air, overwhelmed by the thought of him falling. His name was in her throat as he landed, his paws gracefully meeting the stone.
He let out a satisfied puff of air, glancing back to the others with a grin. "Come on, it's easy!"
Squirrelpaw felt her insides settle, but her eyes went red with anger. He shouldn't have just jumped off like that without warning! Despite how brave he was, his action could have easily gone wrong! She couldn't even blame Brambleclaw for how furious he looked at the apprentice's sudden decision.
Squirrelpaw sighed. Oh, what good will it do to moan about it? They had to follow Crowpaw's lead now, or else they'd have to just leave him there, he would never be able to jump back to the narrow rock.
Squirrelpaw shook her head. When I get over there, I'm raking his muzzle!
"I'll go next." Feathertail offered. Squirrelpaw wondered if it was because the Warrior could sense the other's annoyance with Crowpaw. She felt annoyance bristle her fur again, trying to block out Stormfur's words. Feathertail waited a moment before leaping over; Crowpaw readied himself at the other end to steady her if she stumbled. Fortunately, the Riverclan molly landed with a steady thud, and she grinned to Crowpaw with a wave of her tail.
Squirrelpaw felt her paws growing hot.
"All right. Who's next?" Brambleclaw asked.
"I'll go!" Squirrelpaw said immediately, walking up to the ledge with her tail flared irritably.
Brambleclaw stiffened, "You don't have to-"
"I will!" Squirrelpaw hissed, twisting to her clanmate with green fire. She saw Brambleclaw back off, his lips tight. The ginger molly felt her anger evaporate, replaced by a sudden guilt. Brambleclaw hadn't been the one to annoy her, she couldn't go at him for nothing. "Sorry." She mumbled, "But, I'll be fine. Okay?"
Brambleclaw nodded graciously, a small peace in his eyes.
"See you over there." Squirrelpaw mewed. She placed her forepaws on the ledge and put pressure into her back legs. She couldn't mess this up. She steadied her gaze on the other ledge where her friends stood and clenched down the fear in her gut. Pushing herself on her back legs, she leapt into the air, not looking down as she felt the wind traveling in her face.
Her front paws met the stone first but Squirrelpaw felt terror wrack her as she realised her back paws wouldn't meet the stone. I'm going to fall!
As her stomach hit the crooked edge with a grunt, she could have squealed in terror. She felt her heart in her mouth as her back legs began to fall down, but a strong set of jaws held her scruff, steadying her on the stone as her legs swung in the open air. She scrambled forward, pulled up by the force on her scruff until her belly was resting safely on the stone.
Squirrelpaw was breathing so heavily that she almost did not hear the yowl. "Are you okay?"
Pulling her panting face from the stone, she quivered as she saw Crowpaw standing above her. His blue eyes were wide with concern that made her breathing slow. "I-I'm fine!"
"You did great!" Brambleclaw called from the other side, his voice higher than normal. Squirrelpaw looked back and saw him exhaling with obvious relief. She waved her tail at him thankfully.
Squirrelpaw felt a tender nudge at her side and saw Feathertail ushering her to get up. "You did really well." The Warrior mewed. Squirrelpaw knew she was just being kind. How could she have let herself stumble like that?
"I would have fallen for sure if you hadn't caught me." She looked up again at Crowpaw, the warmth inside her swelling uncontrollably. She could actually feel her eyes drifting as Crowpaw smiled down at her.
"Hey, you still made it, didn't you?" He simpered, "Just because Squirrel's in your name, it doesn't mean you can leap like one."
Squirrelpaw might have raked his eyes for that earlier, now she just batted his face away with her paw. "Don't ruin this, rabbit-brain." She said, getting up to her paws and shaking the loose bits of rock out of her fur. She noticed how close she was to Crowpaw and blushed.
Her breath stopped again as a thought entered her mind. She glanced over to Feathertail, and found the cat preparing herself at the edge in case another cat stumbled. She didn't seem to mind at all when Crowpaw was with Squirrelpaw. At least, not as obviously affected Squirrelpaw felt when Feathertail was near him.
Did that mean Feathertail wasn't interested in Crowpaw? Or was she just stronger when it came to hiding her feelings?
Possibly she was just a stronger cat than Squirrelpaw.
Nothing made Squirrelpaw feel any better about it. Nothing was clarified or denied.
Like the drop that could have claimed her, it was just a gaping unknown.
…
Finally, things were beginning to look better. After the cats had all made it to the other side, they'd decided it was the perfect time to hunt. On the other side of the ledge, the stone had linked with a wide valley growing on the mountain side between two rifts. There was even a small trickling stream where the cats had been able to gain a well-deserved drink.
The cats all rested on a small slope where bushes and a few trees stood out gloriously. It was so much more satisfying to relax after how tricky that ridge had been.
Squirrelpaw had come to a familiar decision.
After Crowpaw and Feathertail had volunteered to go hunting again, the ginger molly was beginning to grow tired of her lack of answers. It was clear that she wasn't going to find out if Feathertail liked the tom or not, so she was going to take care of another issue in the meantime.
She was going to tell Crowpaw how she felt.
She'd had enough of wasting her time with her guts in knots. Once he got back, she was going to get some kind of answer from him, and then maybe she wouldn't have to spend her time getting so darn frustrated anymore.
The two cats had returned with mouths full of prey. As the cats ate up their shares, Squirrelpaw made sure she was next to Crowpaw. She nudged him with her tail, making him look up curiously.
"What is it?"
"Once you're done, can you meet me over there?" She pointed her tail in the direction of a pair of thick bushes. "I need to talk to you about something."
Crowpaw raised a brow, "Can we talk about it here?"
Not a chance!
"No!" Squirrelpaw meowed in a hushed voice. "Just meet me over there, all right?"
Crowpaw swung his tail in exasperation, but he didn't argue. "Okay, sure."
Squirrelpaw beamed. "Thank you!"
It didn't take long for Squirrelpaw to finish her share after that, she gulped the prey down and padded away from the cats. She gave Crowpaw a wink as she made her way to the bushes. He rolled his eyes and continued eating, but he was evidently amused.
Squirrelpaw found the back of the bush and let out a deep breath. It was suddenly hitting her what she was just about to do. She stamped her paw on the ground with a growl. Come on! Don't be a mouse-heart! This is exactly why you've been so pathetic all day! Just tell him how you feel and be done with it, for the love of Silverpelt!
What was she even meant to say? Should she just blurt it out when he came around the bush? How would he even react? She still didn't know definitively if he liked her or not.
Well then, you're about to find out.
Good Starclan, the little voice didn't care about any kind of consequences at all.
But it was really persuasive.
There was no point in fighting it anymore. It wasn't just that it was affecting how she saw Crowpaw, it was tainting her perception of Feathertail. That made Squirrelpaw feel awful. She remembered how annoyed she'd gotten seeing the two of them on the peak. And then Feathertail had made her look like a fool when she nuzzled Squirrelpaw's side, beyond worried about her.
No cat deserved this. Squirrelpaw just wanted everything between them to be normal again. But it was her own fault she felt like this, and she needed to take some action herself. She couldn't just wait around for Feathertail or Crowpaw to say something.
"What did you need, Stormfur?"
Squirrelpaw's full stomach almost came out of her mouth when she heard the Riverclan molly's voice. Perking her ears up, she craned her head around the bush. Stormfur and Feathertail had wandered away from the group, sitting together by the small stream that ran down the mountain side. Feathertail's faced away from Squirrelpaw, but the apprentice could see discomfort darknening Stormfur's expression.
The grey cat let out a low hiss of breath. "Listen Feathertail, you and Crowpaw-"
Squirrelpaw's eyes widened, he was actually going to ask her about it?! She kept herself hidden, but her ears were alert like she was hunting on a monster-path.
So it was easy to hear the sharpness in Feathertail's reply. "What about Crowpaw?" Feathertail's fur bristled as she growled. "You are all so unfair to him!"
Her voice was hard and defensive, hidden like an adder in the grass. Squirrelpaw felt her jaw drop at the Warrior's anger.
Would she get so angry over a friend?
Y-You'd do the same! It doesn't mean anything!
"That's not the point!" Stormfur spoke like he was treading on the ridge again. "What's going to happen when we get home? Crowpaw's in a different clan."
See, this is it. She'll become confused and deny everything he thinks and then you can shut up and get on with everything.
"We don't even know if there will be clans anymore." Feathertail protested. Squirrelpaw quivered and her breathing became cold. "We'll be leaving the forest remember!"
Squirrelpaw's ears dropped down but she still listened carefully. W-Why isn't she denying anything?
"Do you think the clan boundaries will just vanish because we have to leave?" Stormfur scoffed.
"Have you forgotten already what Midnight said?!" Feathertail snapped. Her tone was cold and unflinching. Unafraid. "The Clans won't survive if we don't work together!"
She just has to say no. Squirrelpaw's tail began to sink to the ground. She blinked desperately. She could just be talking about friendships! That's still a boundary in itself! It doesn't mean she-
"And have you forgotten what happens when cats from different clans get together?" Stormfur's voice pounded in Squirrelpaw's ears, growing louder as if by some cruel echo. "Look at how our father is torn between two clans! You and I nearly died because we were half-clan! Tigerstar would have killed us if Thunderclan hadn't rescued us!"
This was it. This was to the point. Feathertail had to face Stormfur's worries now. She just had to tell him it was a mis-
"But Tigerstar's gone now. There won't be another cat in the forest."
Around her, Squirrelpaw suddenly felt like she was falling. Her ear was crooked and twitching as she listened on. The sibling's voices grew hazy, like they were at the back of a cave.
"Midnight said all the clans will have somewhere else to live." Feathertail meowed with a passionate defiance. "Everything will be different."
The little voice didn't make a sound over Squirrelpaw's small whimper.
Stormfur moaned lightly, "But you and Crowpaw…"
"I'm not going to talk about me and Crowpaw!" Feathertail sighed, her voice lowering. "I'm sorry, Stormfur, but this has nothing to do with you."
Squirrelpaw didn't listen to Stormfur's reply, she sat down on her haunches, hidden in the shadows of the bush. She stared down at the ground, Feathertail's words spiralling around her head.
This has nothing to do with you.
Feathertail's voice sounded more like Squirrelpaw's then.
Squirrelpaw looked up, her throat full of a horrible dryness that made her gulp down something raw. She'd gotten an answer to one of her questions. It wasn't as satisfying as she'd hoped.
She likes him. She admitted it to her own brother. Squirrelpaw might have admired Feathertail if she wasn't sick with a stupid indiscretion.
She sat there, breathing in chilling, uncomfortable air as she thought about what happened next?
What did happen next?
She liked the same cat as one of her good friends. That was inescapable. And it made Squirrelpaw feel guilty.
Like she was betraying Feathertail by feeling like this.
Betraying one of the cats who had treated her with the most kindness…
Did that mean that Squirrelpaw was intruding on them? While there wasn't anything to say that Crowpaw liked Feathertail back, the thought of possibly taking the one Feathertail loved away from her was appalling.
Taking away something that made Feathertail happy? The one cat who deserved to be happy more than anyone she knew.
Sure, it wasn't certain that it could work out, even if Squirrelpaw kept her mouth shut. Like Stormfur had said, it was naïve to assume that generations of the Warrior Code would go away just because there was a new forest.
But, like Feathertail said, if the rules did change… If they could become happy together… Then it would be more likely to become reality if Squirrelpaw didn't speak up.
But what did Squirrelpaw want?
What she wanted most; she knew. But she also knew that she wanted the best for Feathertail as well. And now she knew that she liked Crowpaw, it was clear what she needed to do to make her happy.
She also knew how much it would hurt her.
Squirrelpaw's ears twitched as she heard approaching paws. She straightened herself quickly, sniffing back anything that was about to pour out of her and leave her open. She looked at the bush as soon as Crowpaw edged past it.
The grey apprentice held a curious expression, his tail curled as he sat in front of the Thunderclan cat. "So, what did you want to tell me?" He asked, cleaning blood from one of his paws.
He kept his eyes on his friend as she looked down for a moment. He couldn't see the battle taking place, and he wasn't able to tell that her anger was a mockery of her own design. He winced as she batted his face with unsheathed claws, catching him across the ear.
"Hey!" Crowpaw snarled, his tail lashing in a fury. "What was that for?"
"You being a flea-brain, that's what?" Squirrelpaw hissed, squaring him up. "What were you thinking, jumping acrossthe ridge like that without letting us have a say in the matter?"
"Is that what this was about?" Crowpaw bleated, patting over his sore ear. "I thought it was something important."
"It is important!" Squirrelpaw seethed, making Crowpaw step back with a frown. "You told me I shouldn't put myself in danger, and you do something like that!"
Crowpaw groaned, "It wasn't like it was a far jump!"
"I would have fallen if it wasn't for you! But what if you hadn't made it! No one would have been there to catch you!" Squirrelpaw turned away from him, whipping his muzzle with her tail.
Crowpaw began to mutter, "I still made it, didn't-" He droned off, his confidence fading as he realised what he was saying. Squirrelpaw realised it to, who he was mirroring, and she turned back to him with narrowed eyes.
"I was scared, you mouse-brain! We can't afford to lose anyone." Squirrelpaw's tone calmed down marginally, but there was still something twisted in her eyes. "You have to lead Windclan to a new home, remember?"
Crowpaw kept him muzzle shut, but he nodded slowly. He sensed now why Squirrelpaw was really angry with his actions earlier, and he couldn't blame her. He'd gone through the same thing after all. When she was under that water, he'd never felt so scared of losing anyone. It would be cruel of him to put her through the same thing.
Sighing, he dipped his head in apology. "I didn't mean to make you worry."
"I know." Squirrelpaw muttered, her anger gone. "But that's just because you're a mole-head." Hesitantly, she rubbed against his side, exhaling as she soaked in his soft fur.
Crowpaw didn't object to her tenderness. Clearly, he had worried her. "Won't happen again." He mewed.
"It better not." Squirrelpaw said sternly, swiping his nose again with her tail. Crowpaw sneezed; how could anything be so fuzzy? "It wasn't just me you worried…Feathertail was scared too." She examined him as he sighed again, guilt becoming clearer in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, okay?" Crowpaw offered, looking up sanguinely at the apprentice. When her eyes softened, he craned his head back up. "But maybe you know how it was for us when you jumped into the river." He leered.
Squirrelpaw let out a mrrow of laughter, "Shut up, at least I didn't start crying." He knew she didn't mean it, so he laughed along. But even as they walked back to the others, he didn't know why she'd mentioned Feathertail out of nowhere. He didn't know that Squirrelpaw had made herself a promise to support her friends as much as she could.
And he didn't know how much it stung her to do that.
...
Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait, here's a long chapter to make up for it!
I appreciate the patience of all those who waited. A lot of stuff went down in the meantime, including my computer not auto saving an entire day's work and losing four pages of writing! That was not fun...
But, I digress, we're here now. New chapter is here. And hopefully I can get the next one out sooner.
As you might have guessed this was a very angst ridden chapter, and I can sense that some may not like Squirrelpaw's character in this. Here's what she is to me: A character who can be moody, violent, snappy, sassy and selfish. But also trusting, kind, emotional, understanding, and passionate. Hey... guess what...
Those are kids!
And we all know, kids can be little buggers, but we should in no way belittle them because of it. That's just silly.
Okay, mini explanation over.
I hope you guys liked this chapter, if you did, please tell me why you did. I appreciate the support.
Until next time.
I'll talk to you in a while.