Emerald

This is my fault.

Those were the words that I've repeated over and over again in my head for the past two days as my daughter lied on Steven's couch, unconscious and heavily damaged, but alive. I still couldn't believe what had happened, Ocasio had battled Flint, the Diamond Assassin. The tales about her skill and her endeavors were legendary, comparable to that of my Mother and Father's. But, those had been rumors, I had never thought much of them nor did I believe that she both existed and would exceed those rumors. Yet, across the living room, surrounded by every Crystal Gem, minus Steven who was currently on a mandatory day out with Greg, hovered a now sane Flint. She was pretty banged up after her fight with my daughter, of whom surprisingly won (which is doubly unbelievable), but still insisted that Ocasio receive Jade's treatment first.

Speaking of Jade, she hovered her hands over the entirety of Ocasio's body, looking for any persisting scars and damage. Ocasio herself was still pretty damaged despite the passage of time and Jade's prowess, but, while it was the main focus of my worried attention, there was something else amiss. Ocasio's clothes were the same, a simple shirt, pants, and boots, but for some reason they were no longer the same golden yellow of her skin. Nor was her hair the same, it was longer and a very pale yellow; it almost appeared white.

Pearl shifted, startling me in the process, "So… she is going to be fine, right Jade?"

Jade stood and motioned for me and Pearl to follow, "We need to speak in private."

"Are you sure that's a good thing to do?" I asked, nodding my head back to Flint.

Rainbow Tourmaline gave me a thumbs up, "Don't worry Praetorian, we've got her on lockdown."

"Yeah Emerald, go and talk to Jade." Lapis cracked her knuckles menacingly, Flint swallowed nervously. "I want to know if she did anything permanent to my niece."

We follow Jade out onto the beach, assured our friends will keep Flint in line. Our resident Gemcisian scratches her head in contemplation, an action that, when coming from Jade, usually didn't have anything good afterwards. She noticed the looks of anguish that Pearl and I both had and waved her hands defensively, "Oh, sorry. I just realised what I was doing... "

"Jade," I started, "Please, just tell us if Ocasio is fine."

Jade sighed and placed her hands behind her back, "Well, I've yet to find any permanent damage to her form, there are some small internal fractures in her Gem but if we give her a few more days to rest then she should be fine."

"Is that it?" Pearl asks, I could tell she was irritated that Jade made us come out here for such relatively trivial news, "You could have told us about that in the temple."

Jade nodded her head slowly, "That is not what I brought you out here for."

"Well, what is it?" I ask, I was beginning to get annoyed, my daughter was hurt and I needed to be by her side until she woke up.

"Those were the only typical wounds, she also had a cracked cranium that resulted in a concussion, I was able to staunch the swelling; she also had three broken ribs-"

"Wait…" I started

Jade ignored me, "A small cut in the atrium of her heart, it wasn't too big so I was able to mend it without much effort. Let's see, what else, what else." she gave me an Pearl a uncharacteristically comic look and gave a giggle, "It's always the things you can't remember that are the worse. Oh wait, that's right. Ocasio also had damage to her nervous system, so you may-"

I stomp forwards and seize Jade by the shoulders, "Do you even hear yourself right now? What are you saying?"

I hear Pearl's voice rise behind me, it was uncertain and wobbly, "Jade, are you trying to tell us that… that Ocasio… that she is-"

"A sage?" Jade finished. She nodded affirmatively, "She has every organic system other than the reproductive and muscular. That's nine out of eleven right there, and you," she looks at me, "Know exactly how that makes her a sage."

"Of course I do." I said.

Alright, quick lesson about Sages, it was one of the first lessons I had during my training. Gems in and of themselves are inorganic, our form merely a concept made physical by our gems, of who we actually are; it's why we don't require anything organic species do, like air and sustenance, and is also why we don't actually have genders and instead go by whatever pronoun we make our form look and sound like, that or we just go by they or them. There was a time when Gems were somewhat organic, Father Meteor and Mother Moonstone are theorized to be the best examples.

But enough about that, the everyday Gem can replicate organic bodily systems (Amethyst has a digestive system for one, and Rose would have had to shape a reproductive system that was complementary to Greg's in order to make Steven), however, most Gems only have enough power to maintain up to two organic systems, three if they are strong enough. The systems aren't set, you can interchange between them, but that's it.

The limit stands at three; to do any more and one would risk permanent damage to their gem; however, this limit can be broken by those who posses an innate ability and strength gifted to them by Star Quartz herself. I think it is rather obvious that I'm referring to Sages. A Sage branches the middle-ground between inorganic and organic, we are able to possess nine systems because of the significant boost of strength that merely obtaining the ability gives us. However, there have never been any Gems, not even among the ranks of Sages, who have been able to have all organic systems; in that sense we are still more inorganic than we are organic.

Pearl gave Jade a cautious look, "So…"

Jade looked to Pearl, "So?"

"We've established that my daughter is going to be ok as far as normal Gem standards go, but with this," she makes a grand gesture towards me, "Sage stuff going on… is she going to be fine by organic being standards?" I nodded my head in agreement. I may have been a Sage myself, but I only had a rudimentary medical know-how thanks to Jade.

Jade put a hand to her chin, "Well, I was able to mend the broken ribs and her cracked cranium, I was also able to staunch her brain's swelling but I will have to keep an eye on that, her nervous system, particularly around her right arm, is especially damaged so I will also have to work on that. The cut in her heart was only minor so I was able to mend it easily, like I said previously. So yes, your daughter will live so long as you allow me to continue my watch and allow her to rest. I'll finish up today's treatment and check on her tomorrow."

With that Jade walked back to the temple, leaving me and Pearl alone with nothing but the soft wind and the velvety sand, the waves lapping gently on the shore. It was peaceful, though, with the storm brewing in my mind I could enjoy none of it. I yelled in frustration and plopped myself on the sand below, "This is terrible!"

Pearl kneeled beside me, she met my frustrated expression with one of worry, "What do you mean, Ocasio is going to be fine. If it was anyone other than Jade then she wouldn't, but it is Jade."

"You're not helping." I say. She gives me a wounded frown and I can't help but feel worse, "Sorry, it isn't your fault."

Pearl placed a hand on my knee, "Tell me what's wrong, what is terrible? And don't say Ocasio's condition, that much is obvious."

"Well," I start, "It's like you said, if it were anyone other than Jade, then Ocasio wouldn't stand a chance of surviving." Pearl's eyes widened as she realized what she said and she quickly went to apologise, "No, it's fine, you're right. If anyone should feel bad it's me. I could have prevented her damage if I hadn't been so absorbed in trying to see if she had the potential to be a sage"

Pearl shook her head, "But you were right, in doing so she was able to gain that ability."

I shook my head, Pearl often had a problem with seeing the big picture but not the small details. It was normally cute, but right now it wasn't.

"That's not what I mean, I hid under a shell of stone like a coward and let Ocasio fight an assassin with thousands of kills, many of which included very powerful warriors, just because I thought Ocasio might be able to become a sage." Pearl frowned as she finally got what I was saying. I gave a weak chuckle, "What's worse is that I don't think I want her to have it… so that means letting her fight someone who was certainly of the skill level to shattering her was for nothing. She is in so much pain because of me, and yet I am here thinking that she shouldn't be able to have something good come out of it." There is a stretch of unbearable silence as Pearl digests what I have said.

Finally, she speaks, "Emerald." I turn to face her. She looks me in the eyes and says, deadly serious, "Get over it."

I reel back in confusion, "W-what?"

Pearl crosses her arms, "You heard me, get over it. Ocasio will be fine, she is in Jade's care. This isn't some theoretical situation where Jade isn't present, she is here and she is going to make sure Ocasio comes out of this fine." she points back to the temple, "Yes you may have been a reason for her current state, but it was ultimately Ocasio who was able to take down Flint. Flint, who you keep praising as being a very powerful being who is capable of shattering even the strongest of opponents with relative ease. You were barely able to fend her off with Kun-gohdy helping you."

I shake my head, "What are you trying to say?"

She groans, "Emerald, you may not have faired any better yourself in her shoes. She took down Flint with only the most minimal of damage, which is amazing considering how much supposed prowess the stone has. Even then Jade is going to heal her, so get over it, there is no use harping over what has happened."

"Are you serious?" I asked, "You harp over the past all the time!"

Pearl nodded her head in agreement, "Yes, you're right. But that is what I do, you, on the other hand, are usually able to take things in stride and see the brighter side of most darknesses."

She was right, like usual. But still, "Be that as it may, I still put her life in danger. If she hadn't unlocked her power, she could have died. I did nothing, even as I heard her scream in pain, even as I thought about the promise I made to you to protect her. This was something I could have prevented"

Pearl shook her head, "You promised you would both be back soon, none of which said you would protect her from all forms of danger.."

"Well it was implied…"

"Emerald, why must you... " Pearl stops, "Can we help you?"

At first I'm confused, but then I hear the muffled sounds of footsteps that were followed by a nervous and gruff voice, "I wasn't eavesdropping."

Pearl and I stood to face Jasper who, much to my disbelief and anger, was accompanied by Flint. I narrow my eyes angrily, there is a slight gust of wind and a quick crackle of electricity as I activate sagemode, "You have five seconds to explain yourself."

Jasper flashed a very uncharacteristic look of nervousness, "W-well… you see-"

"I wanted to speak to you, Ser Emerald." Flint said, lowering herself to the ground.

She took a step forwards but didn't take another, she couldn't have, my sword was poised too close to her throat, "If you take another damn step, I will end you." She didn't move, nor did I, we stayed there in a one-sided deadlock for what felt like hours. I stared her in the eyes, she stared back, we held a silent conversation that I had seldom done with others. Her sorrowful eyes and my surely hate-filled gaze spoke volumes to the both of us. She knew what she did to my daughter and to my friends was unforgivable, and, as I stared into those eyes that cried unsung tears, tears that left not a single wet trail to show that they were there other than the regret in her eyes, I began to know that what she did was not her fault, that she had to be forgiven. But, she would have to earn it.

"Emerald," a kind and loving hand rests itself upon my shoulder, "let her speak."

Jasper regained her normal energy and looked at me pleadingly, "Sageson, if you could forgive me, a Jasper who shattered many of your fellow Crystal Gems and who hurt your little sister, then at least give the stone a chance."

I looked to Jasper's face and read it's earnest plea, I gazed to Pearl's and saw it's truth, finally I studied Flint's face once more and still I could see the honest sorrow behind it. The air relaxed as I exited sagemode. I stepped back and relaxed my hands, my sword dropped to the sand with a muffled thud and dispersed. "It seems that the Diamonds oppression knows no bounds, not even to those among their personal circle." All eyes were on me, wondering what my next words would be. I'm disappointed to say that they were rather simple, "You have five minutes, make the most of them."

"I only need three ser." Flint said. I tapped my wrist in a mocking manner, "Right. Ser Emerald, I wanted to personally apologize for hurting your daughter… it is unforgivable, I know. However, it was not my intention, it was due to the odd effect that the cluster had upon me. You see, all of those voices, each shattered gem and their shattered psyches all clamoring at once at me to make them whole again… it made me go insane."

Pearl nods, "I'm sure, you poor-"

"Continue." I interject. Pearl looks at me angrily, but I ignored her.

"Yes, Ser Emerald; there isn't much more other than the cluster's 'brainwashing' being the cause for my attacks. I'm sorry, I truly am; none of this is what I wanted." Flint finishes.

I close my eyes and digest her words, checking for any sincerity behind them. I breathe in, I can feel the others and their eyes upon me, seeing what my final judgement would be. Why wouldn't they defer to Pearl, I initially wondered, but then I realized it was because Pearl had already forgiven Flint. They were checking with me to make sure I bore no will to shatter Flint. "None of this was what you wanted?"

Flint flinches, "Yes ser?"

I open my eyes and the cloak of energy returns, "So, it was the cluster's fault you attacked my friends, that you almost killed them and my daughter?"

Flint recoils and begins to tremble, causing both Jasper and Pearl to jump to her defense. My beloved looks to me with hope in her eyes, it was unnecessary, "Emerald, stop it right now! You know just as good as I that she could not have fought against what she was pitted to." As I debate the risks of just barreling through the both of them to get to my target, Flint moves them for me.

She gives me a sad look, "No, it's fine. I deserve this."

We stare each other down, her gaze was one of stonecast defiance, she was going to accept her fate no matter what it would be. I step forwards and she flinches. "Emerald stop!" Pearl yells. Another step, Jasper calls out to me this time.

"Do not make me fight you Sageson!" three more steps. Flint is still trembling, but despite that her face was still cast in defiance. Four steps and I have closed the distance between the two of us. The air convulses with each and every tremble of her body, it thickens with her fear, she is most definitely terrified but she still remains resigned to accepting her unknown punishment. Jasper and Pearl look at me with a mix of anger and hope in their eyes, this wasn't me and they knew it.

I lift my foot off the ground, the seconds take an eternity to tick by, Flint sees me do this and resigns herself to her fate. Pearl and Jasper immediately start moving to restrain me, but they aren't going to be of much help. The seconds take back their normal speed and there are only a couple feet between me and the stairs leading up to the temple. Pearl and Jasper look around in confusion, Flint stares at her hands in amazement.

I turn around and face the stairs, the air relaxes as my cloak disperses. I hear my friends sigh in relief and I also hear Flint whisper to herself, unaware that she was still rather loud with it, "Why…"

"Because I am not a murderer." I answer with a wavering voice. It was more of a statement to myself than Flint. I turn my gaze behind me, "I am an Emerald, a Peacekeeper, a servant of Justice and Peace."

Flint slams her fists to her side, "You should have killed me!"

I turn my gaze to the sand below, "It would have brought nothing, no resolution, it would be an empty victory."

'Emerald…' I hear Pearl say through our link.

"I DON'T CARE!" Flint roars suddenly, surprising all of us. She lifts her head and glares at me furiously, "I DESERVE TO DIE!" She removed her robe to reveal the same slim-fitting outfit from before, her stone left exposed on the upper-left part of her chest, "I cannot handle the things I've done, all I do is kill and kill. END M-"

"AND WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WILL FIX!" I roar at Flint. I gripped the collar of her shirt tightly as the air shimmers around both of us. I take a few short breaths, activating sagestate twice in such a short time is a bit overwhelming, "None of what you did may be have what you wanted, none of your actions may have been yours, but you still committed them!"

Jasper took a step forward, "Sageson-"

"Shut it!" I commanded. Jasper stood down and I turned my attention back to Flint, "You say you didn't want to kill? Well, who does? Only a true monster would want to take the life of another, only they would find it fulfilling."

Flint looked at me with tears in her eyes, "I don't care!" she wrenches herself free and propels herself several meters away. She produces her scythe from behind her and poises it at her stone, "If you won't serve me justice, then I will do the universe justice by doing it myself."

Flint moves the scythe into its arc; for a moment all I can do is stare at her. But, in that moment, I see something, rather, someone. A lost soul who has truly done nothing for the troubles they face to plague them, someone who sees that what they've done needs to be punished. That they should be punished for things they could never control. The sight of another facing the very same ilk of demons I had, and then some, to face, literally moves me.

Before I know it, I was embracing Flint. Her scythe had not been plunged into its intended target, instead it had found itself into my back; the blood that slowly flowed from my back was warm. I can feel her recoil in surprise when she has realized what has happened, her tears flowed once again and drenched the shoulder of my coat. The scythe disappeared and she begged the same question she had before, "Why?"

"Honestly? You still can't tell?" I ask with a laugh, she doesn't do the same. I stand up slowly and help her to her feet. I breath in and out, "Look, I know what you're thinking. You think that you don't deserve to live because of what you have done. I know that you also feel that you were unable to stop these things because you were too weak."

She flinches out of shock but turns her gaze to the ground, "H-how did…"

I gripped her shoulder tightly, "I've been through the same. I wanted to die, feeling that uncontrollable events were something that I could have prevented. But while I couldn't stop them I also couldn't come to terms with my shortcomings without thinking that I was just too weak. I believed I no longer deserved to live for my failures at being a protector. Three times I failed to protect my sister; I hated life, I hated the Diamonds, but most importantly, I hated myself."

"H-how did you stop?" she asked innocently.

"I had someone who believed in me." I answered truthfully.

She shook her head in disbelief, "Did that stop the pain?"

I shake my head as well, "No." she looks to the ground, obviously crestfallen, "But it was a start."

"What else does it take? Please tell me." she begged.

"It can't be done alone, no person can ever hold out against the pain by themselves." I swept an arm to gesture to Jasper, Pearl, and the temple, "Surround yourself with those who are willing to help you carry on, because they will be the the ones who can stave of the most heinous of pains." I released her and let her stand by herself, "Like I said, the first step is to have someone believe in you."

She looks at me, judging my expression to see what I meant by what that last part meant. It took a second, but her face swelled with happiness as she realized what I was saying, "Right! Thank you, Ser Emerald."

I shook my head, "No, I deserve no thanks yet. Take my directions and find your path, once you do and when you have reached its end with no regrets, that is when I can be thanked." With that I begin walking back to the temple. Not too far into my stroll, Pearl catches up to me.

She grabs my hand, "You really are something else, you know that right?"

I grip her hand tighter, "Like I said, I am an Emerald. A Peacekeeper; a servant to Justice and Peace. All I did was deliver on the promise my predecessors had made."

We made it to the stairs, Pearl stopped me before we ascended them and felt around the cut in my coat. I felt her recoil in disgust when her fingers entered the wound in my coat and in my back. She wiped the blood on my sleeve and glared at me, "Must you always throw yourself onto a blade to save someone?"

I laughed earnestly, it felt good when I did. It made every muscle in my body relax, I hadn't realized they were wound so tightly. "I don't know, you know me. All reflex, no intelligence."

Pearl shook her head but still gave me a chuckle, "Stop that, you're plenty smart."

We started climbing the stairs, "Yeah, I know. But, if you're asking why I did that to save Flint, I have no clue. I guess it was my way of being the first person to believe in her. Rose metaphorically threw herself on a blade to recruit me, if she had been discovered conspiring with someone such as myself then the Rebellion would have been doomed before it even began. Just as if I hadn't done that for Flint, the real her would've been doomed before it had been shown."

"You sound as if you had all that planned." Pearl says menacingly; we luckily make it inside a few moments later. Upon seeing Ocasio, Pearl forgets about her observation we take up our usual kneeling positions by Jade.

"Is she alright?" I ask.

Jade wipes the sweat from her brow and weakly nods, "It will take a few weeks for her nervous system to heal fully, but she will live without any permanent damage." I look to Pearl and she looks to me, both of us tear up at the same time. Our daughter was going to live, more importantly she was going to be perfectly fine as long as she rested, nothing permanent! However, my elation is cut short by an intense and immediate pain in my ear as Jade begins to drag me up. She forcefully removes my coat to reveal the gash in my back, "I thought I heard you attacking Flint! How many times must I heal your wounds?"

I roll my eyes. "Geez Mom, I'm sorry." I say jokingly.

Jade narrows her eyes and slaps her hand on the wound, releasing a quick burst of energy that instantaneously staunches the bleeding and closes the wound shut. "There sweetypie, did mother make it all better?"

I withhold a scream and choke back tears as stars dance before my eyes, "Yes ma'am." As everyone laughs I put my coat back on. I turn to once again kneel by my daughter, but I stop when I see someone has taken my position for me. Obsidian sits to the right of Pearl and appears to be talking to her. I take a seat to the left of Pearl, "Sorry ladies, am I interrupting anything?"

Obsidian blushes and Pearl laughs, "Nothing you need to worry about dear."

"Aww, that's no fun, I like secrets too ya know." I say with a smile.

Before Pearl can retort, Ocasio shifts and miraculously opens her eyes. All laughter and conversation stopped; I almost went to hug her, to see if she was fine, but what she said made me stop as well, "Shut up Daddy, I'm trying to sweep…" After that her eyes closed once again and she clenched her blanket tighter.

I turned to Pearl, 'Did she just… tell me to shut up?'

'I think she also meant to say sleep…' Pearl replied back.

'Well, I'll bring her into the room.' I said. True to my word, I carefully hefted Ocasio off of the couch and walked to the door behind the warp pad. I stopped and focused on the node that had once been solely white for Pearl but was half-green to dictate that we shared it. As the room opened I stepped in and place Ocasio on her bed gently, "Sleep tight Topy."

I turned for the door and was about to open it when I heard Ocasio speak up again, "I'm going to…" I turn around and see her face turn into a storm, I quickly rush and try to see if she's fine. She speaks once again, "I'm going to… I'm going to save you Flint…"

'What?' is all I could think. But, as I thought about it harder, I began to smile. Ocasio would grow up to be a strong and dependable Gem, I could tell. 'But,' I thought to myself as I walked or the door, 'She still has a long way to go.'