Bella POV
I woke to the sound of a deep voice and couldn't place where I was. I opened my blurry eyes and remembered I had fallen asleep on the Cullens' white leather couch—our couch—in the living room.
"Sorry Bells, didn't mean to wake you," Jacob whispered. "Go back to sleep."
He carefully adjusted the afghan covering my body, and I smiled and sat up slowly. Edward was sitting in an armchair across the room, giving me a sad smile. No matter how much we had argued in the recent weeks, he was always there to look out for me.
"It's okay, Jake. I'm happy to see you."
I instinctively snuggled into his side for the warmth, and the light touch of his arm around my shoulder made me miss the lung-crushing hugs I was used to from him. Everyone had been walking on eggshells around me for weeks.
"I'll be right back with something to eat, Bella. You've been out for a while," Edward said. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, leaving me alone with Jacob.
"So, what have you been up to?" Jake grinned down at me. We both knew how absurd that question was.
"Let's see…well, Monday I went fishing with Charlie, but I'm such a klutz that the only thing I caught was my own foot. Do you know how much those fish hooks hurt, Jake? Then Tuesday I hung out with Angela and we went down to Port Angeles to catch a movie. I cleaned the house on Wednesday, and then yesterday I was feeling pretty good, so I ran a half-marathon and baked a few batches of cookies when I got home." I laughed at my joke, but we both knew I hadn't so much as walked into the next room without assistance in weeks.
"Sounds like a pretty good week, Bells. Think you can squeeze me in somewhere soon? Maybe go cliff diving or something?" He smiled a forced smile.
I could tell he was trying to put on a brave face for me, but my usual bright and shiny sun looked defeated. I thought about the fake offer to go sky diving and the fake fishing trip with Charlie and started to cry for the things I was going to lose. For the people I was going to lose.
"Shh, it's okay, sweetheart," he hugged me gently to his body and whispered against my hair.
I wiped my face on the worn fabric of his shirt and tried not to think of all the life experiences I had already had for the last time, and the new ones I would never get to see.
"Sorry, I'm okay. I promise," I sat back up and sniffed a little as I got my crying back under control.
"Bella," Alice and Edward slowly entered the room. I hadn't been hungry anyway, but I noticed Edward wasn't carrying the food he had promised. Something was up.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"Bella, Alice had a vision," Edward said. He sat to my right on the couch while Jacob still leaned in close on my left. Alice took the armchair. From the looks on their faces, this wasn't good news.
"It's not going to end well…for anyone," she said. "Bella, I'm so sorry."
"No, I can do this!" I started crying again. Alice's visions changed all the time when the circumstances changed. I would drink more blood and start eating better. I would take it easy and be more careful. Then Alice would see that my baby could live.
"Sweetheart, you can't," Edward stroked my hand gently as he said it. "There's nothing we can do."
"What did you see, Alice? Tell me exactly what you saw," I demanded. I needed to know. If I knew, then I could figure out how to stop it.
"Bella, it will be better if you don't—"
"I NEED to know." I cut her off mid-sentence.
Alice glanced at Edward like she was asking permission to tell me. He nodded once.
"Your spine, Bella. It's going to break your spine. There's going to be so much blood. And the baby, it won't make it, Bella. It's too little and too soon."
"How soon?" Jake asked the question that I couldn't choke out. I braced myself for the answer.
"Wednesday," Alice whispered.
I felt defeated, dead. Wednesday was in five days, and I wasn't far enough along yet. Even with the accelerated growth, five days wasn't enough by a long shot. Edward carefully placed his arms around me, and my family let me cry in the silence I needed as the information sunk in.
I sobbed and sobbed. A large, warm hand pressed still against my back as Edward held me. I was just starting to hyperventilate when the feeling subsided a little, just enough so that I could catch my breath, and I looked up to see Jasper give a small nod from the top of the stairs.
"Monday," I whispered in Edward's ear, but I knew everyone else in the room could hear it, too. "I need a little time, just in case, Edward."
"Bella, we need to act fast," he coaxed.
"Monday. I need time to think about this. Maybe something will change…Alice you'll tell me the minute you see something new, won't you?" I asked.
She nodded. "Of course, but Bella…please be ready for the possibility that nothing will change by Monday."
"I just...I need some time. Alone."
"Of course, love," Edward kissed the top of my head.
Jacob carried me upstairs to my bed, and I spent the next few hours crying and allowing my mind to roam a path I had never allowed it down before, one where I continued to live and my sweet baby did not. I mourned him and all of the fishing trips he would never go on and the milestones he would never reach. I hated myself for being such a weak, insufficient human. For a moment, I wondered if maybe I was better off taking the risk and letting myself go with him, unsure if I would be able to live at all after what Monday would bring. Somewhere in all of the horrible "What ifs," I fell into a deep sleep ridden with nightmares. Unlike the ones I used to have, these were frighteningly undefined. There were no wolves or vampires or bared teeth, only dark shapes and harsh sounds, and the overwhelming feeling of searching for something I couldn't find that would always be lost to me.
-Jacob POV-
I quickly shut the door before I started crying in front of Bella. I stood there for a long time, hating that I could be so close to her and so powerless at the same time. My Bells was hurting just a few feet away, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to make it go away. I couldn't even hold her without hurting her. But if I was honest with myself, a small part of me was relieved by the news because I knew it meant that Bella might survive all of this. Physically, anyway. The look on her face reminded me of how she looked when he left her, and I just didn't know how much more loss she could take.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were reading my mind," Edward spoke from behind me, and I jumped.
"Jesus!" I whipped around. "Don't do that!"
I followed him back down the stairs and into the living room where the rest of the Cullens had gathered.
"What's going to happen, Carlisle?" I asked.
"If Bella consents, we move forward with the surgery Monday morning."
And then it hit me. This wasn't going to be some routine outpatient procedure, and Bella had never planned to come out of this pregnancy human. Two lives were going to end on Monday. Three, if you counted mine.
"Not necessarily," Edward answered as though I had asked a question.
"What do you mean?" Don't hope. Don't hope.
Rosalie spoke up. "Does somebody care to share this conversation with the rest of us?"
"Jacob was just considering the probability that Bella will be one of us after the procedure. I know that was the original plan, but I think given the circumstances, it would be best to postpone that particular decision," Edward explained. "To subject her to that excruciating experience while she is already in so much emotional pain…there's no way of knowing what long-term effects that may have. Vampires are such unchanging creatures by nature; to bring her into our world with such a fresh burden on her shoulders, she might never begin to recover from it."
"Don't you think you should let Bella decide?" I asked. What the hell was I saying? I didn't want Bella to decide anything that was going to end with her pale, cold, and dead. But it bugged me that he was talking about Bella's life as though he was in complete control of it, like her feelings didn't even matter.
"Of course this is Bella's decision," Esme agreed. "Edward just wants what's best for her."
"We all do, dog. What, you want her all sparkly and sweet? Have it your way," The big one guffawed.
"Don't worry; we'll go over all of the details with Bella before the procedure, Jacob," Carlisle promised. "If Bella consents and everything goes smoothly, we'll keep a syringe of venom on hand just in case, but there is no reason to anticipate our using it. It will just be a precaution."
Just a precaution. Warning: In case of death, administer agonizing poison. Some precaution. I swallowed hard and prayed that Bella would live to see another hospital room with a clumsy sprained ankle or two before that happened.