Edward POV

I was doing my best to pick up on little things Bella used to enjoy and find ways to reintroduce them into her life. If I couldn't make her talk, at least maybe I could make her smile. We both shared a passion for music, and given her recent inclination towards organization and list-making, I thought she might enjoy building her music library. I had hoped that she would listen to the array of music I had surprised her with, perhaps reminisce about old favorites or find a few new ones, but so far she had only spent hours rearranging them in silence. I tried buying her a new Italian cookbook and cooking her favorite dish myself (with a little guidance from Esme), then taking her on a romantic picnic under the stars in our meadow. She smiled and ate and thanked me several times, but said little else the entire meal.

I remembered hearing her muttering to herself about roses during one of her recent verbal lists, so I returned home from hunting with a dozen yellow roses. I opened the front door and found her silently pacing the living room floor.

"Bella, is everything alright?" I asked.

"No, everything is not alright, Edward."

Finally. She sounded agitated, but I welcomed any emotion if she was ready to open up about what she had been feeling. I placed the roses on the end table by the door and gave her my full attention.

"What gives you any right to talk about our marriage and my personal issues with Jacob?" she asked pointedly.

"Oh. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I've been so worried about you," I admitted.

"You should have talked to me."

"I wanted to, Bella. I tried. Nothing seemed to be working, so I went to the one person I knew had helped you the most in the past. He's your best friend."

"Yes, Edward. And you are my husband," she said. "I'm not upset that you talked to Jacob. I'm upset that you didn't talk to me. I told you not to worry about me so much; you should have just asked me yourself."

"I was trying to protect you, love. I didn't want to bring it up to you as a possibility in case he didn't agree. You must understand that I didn't want to get your hopes up for nothing. But I'm glad to hear he has come around to the idea," I explained.

I would have preferred that Jacob let me know before he made an official offer to Bella so that I could have had time to speak with her first, but I was glad he had finally decided to help.

She looked at me with a mixture of confusion and something else, perhaps waiting for me to further explain the motivation for taking such drastic measures to ensure her happiness. I owed her a lot of explanations for this strange arrangement.

"Well, now that you know, we have a lot to discuss. I'm sorry I didn't ask you myself, my love. Please tell me, what are your thoughts now? I know it is a highly unusual arrangement, and I can't imagine it was easy for Jacob to agree to have a child with someone he cannot be with. But I know he ultimately wants what is best for you, as do I."

A look of horror suddenly took over Bella's face.

"You asked….he agreed…to…to…WHAT?!" she stammered.

Oh no. If Jacob hadn't told her, then what had he said? I had never wanted to read a human's mind more than this second in my entire existence. I could normally win any argument, counter any punch, give any correct answer in a millisecond. But I had no idea what Bella knew and what she didn't, and no idea how to fix what I had done.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, I assumed that Jacob had brought up our discussion. This isn't how I had planned for this conversation to go, but allow me to explain. I can see how unhappy you are. I had no idea how much you wanted children, and I believe that you didn't know it yourself until you had already decided your own fate to become a vampire. Every day, I see how hurt you are by that loss, and how empty it made you. I thought perhaps the only thing that could truly make you happy again is to be given a second chance at motherhood. I will never forgive myself for putting you in that danger and being responsible for such pain. I realize this won't take any of it back, but I'll do anything to make you happy again."

"I know it sounds absurd, but I went to Jacob and asked him if he would be willing to give you what I couldn't. I love you, Isabella, and I want to give you everything you've ever wanted. Please don't give up one dream to fulfill another that you thought you had. Darling, it's okay if you want to remain human for a time, or forever, as long as you are happy."

"EDWARD CULLEN, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH JACOB BLACK, YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF," she shouted.

"I can't believe you would go behind my back for a decision this important! And I can't believe you would ask that of Jacob. He has been through so much already, Edward. He doesn't deserve us to keep tying him down here. He has his own life."

She was right, of course, but hearing it stung. Bella deserved so much more, and yet she wasn't thinking about her own greater loss. She was worried that I had hurt Jacob's feelings. She might have made her choice between the two of us, but I knew that a bond that deep didn't break so easily. She was still tied to Jacob Black whether she knew it or not.

I hesitated to respond in case she had more to say. It was time she finally let out her feelings, and I would gladly bear whatever words she threw at me because I deserved them all and worse.

"This is my body, Edward. Mine. At most, this decision is ours, the two of us alone. This isn't something you can just put to a vote and the majority wins!"

She paced the room several times, then finally sighed and sat on the sofa.

"The truth is, I don't know what I want right now. I haven't really let myself think about it ever since it happened. Since I lost our child. It just hurts so much. The thought of becoming a vampire and never having children hurts, and the thought of staying human and having another child that could never replace the one we lost hurts, and the thought of staying human and growing older than you hurts."

I carefully sat beside her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. She was leaning with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.

"I don't know what to do," she confessed to the floor.

"You don't have to know right now. You're still so young. You have time to decide. And when you're ready and you know what you want, I will support you no matter what you decide. You are my life now, and I only want you to be happy."

The selfish part of me hoped that her happiness could include my own, but I was willing to pay whatever price was necessary to fix the damage I had done.

Bella broke down and cried after that. She shocked me when she asked whether her baby had been a boy or a girl, and I realized that after all this time, she did't know. I was hesitant to tell her, to give her something more tangible to mourn, but finally confessed that we had lost a daughter. I held her in my lap and rocked her until she had drained every tear from her fragile human body. We sat like that for an hour, mourning our past, present, and future together, until a quiet calm came over her. I watched as she stood up, walked into the kitchen, and threw her notepad of lists into the garbage without a word.

Bella POV

I laid awake for hours thinking about all the things that Edward had said to me and trying to identify my feelings for the first time in months. How much of what he had said was true? Did I want another child? I still couldn't believe Edward had tried to involve Jacob, but I tried to push those twisted details out of my head for the moment and focus on my own desires for once.

I thought about the numbness of the past few months and the way I had worked so hard to push away my grief. In all of those efforts, I had unknowingly pushed away any potential for happiness, too. I wasn't ready now, but I knew in my heart that I would want that again one day, that motherhood was one human experience I wasn't ready to give up yet. Being pregnant and feeling that loss had woken some maternal instinct that I never knew I had.

Realizing my desires didn't change the fact that nothing about our circumstances was right for raising a child. I let myself think the name that would have been hers for the first time since I was pregnant—Renesmee. Renesmee was an exception to those dangers. She had been unplanned and never gave us the time to weigh the responsibility of bringing a child into our supernatural world. She was also Edward's biological child and inherently belonged in that world. The simple fact was I would never be able to carry Edward's child; it was physically impossible. No, to become a mother would require a human donor or adoption. And what kind of mother would knowingly bring an innocent human child into a world of vampires?

My desires were at war with each other. I loved Edward with all of my heart, and I still wanted to spend eternity with him. I just wished there was some way that we could have a family together first. When I finally fell asleep, I was no closer to a solution. But when I woke in the morning, I was sure I had been dreaming about a tiny baby boy with black hair and rosy cheeks instead of the abstract void that had been haunting my sleep for months.