Edward POV

I knew when I got home that insisting Bella have Thanksgiving with Charlie had been the right decision. In the two weeks after, she somehow seemed happier but also more distant. She wasn't the same depressed Bella from before that had been lying to herself about her own feelings, but she wasn't back to normal, either. Before, she seemed distant as though she had simply floated away and tried not to think of anything at all. Now, she seemed distant in the opposite way, as though her mind was intensely focused on something else. She never said so, but I could guess what was bothering her.

I found myself standing in Rosalie's doorway and wondering why I hadn't sought her advice sooner.

"Rose? Do you have a moment?" I asked. She was sitting on the carpet, one bare foot propped up over her knee and a bottle of bright red nail polish in her hand.

"Sure, come in, Edward."

She gestured to the brown leather love seat in the corner and sat the bottle of polish on an end table before joining me.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"It's about Bella. It's no secret that she's been doing a little better since we had that argument, but I think she's still having trouble coming to terms with what she wants."

No one knew the full extent of our argument or what I had asked of Jacob, but they all knew we had had some sort of disagreement. It was obvious to everyone in the house that our argument had finally woken Bella from her fog. It was also obvious that she was still unhappy.

"What is it that you think she wants?"

"I think she wants a baby," I admitted. "I think at first she was mourning the loss of our child, of that specific child, but now…I think now she's mourning the loss of motherhood. I think she finally realized that she didn't just lose a child, that when—if she becomes one of us, she's giving up any chance of being a mother. She'd be giving up any and every child she could have ever had."

Saying it all out loud made me feel like the lowest creature on earth. How many lives was I preventing by changing the course of nature and turning Bella? How many children would she have had if she remained a human? Three? Four? How many grandchildren and birthday parties and graduations was I stealing from Charlie?

"You know, watching her lose the baby was hard for me too," she said. "I was excited to be an aunt. I would've made sure she was the most spoiled and protected child on the planet." Rose gave me a sad smile, and I squeezed her hand.

The worst part about being able to read minds was having to see the pain that people hid from the rest of the world. I knew better than anyone that Rose had never wanted this life and resented having it forced on her without a choice. Emmett had helped her find a reason to live again. He had given her the love that she always deserved but never found as a human, but he could never give her the child that she longed for. She had grown to accept her fate and love our family over time, but I knew how she felt deep down. How she'd always feel. She was doing the best she could with the hand she had been dealt, but I didn't want Bella to have those same regrets. I couldn't bear to see Bella grow to resent me.

"Look, Edward. I don't know exactly what Bella is going through. I never had a choice and I had to deal with my own grief because of that, but I can imagine how hard it must be for her feeling like she's losing something no matter what she decides. My choice would have been easy, if I'd had the chance, but her life isn't mine. All you can do is let her know that you'll be there for her no matter what choice she makes."

"I've tried to tell her that," I explained. "She doesn't let me talk about it much, but I've made sure she knows that I will love her and stand by her whether she chooses to stay human or become one of us. I think she finally knows what she wants and can't admit it to herself."

"I'll talk to her," said Rose.

"Would you?" I asked. I knew Bella and Rosalie hadn't always seen eye to eye, but something in their relationship had changed after Bella lost the baby. There was an understanding and respect in that shared sadness that hadn't been there before. Bella needed that now.

"Of course. Actually, Edward, I think there might be someone else that can help."

Bella POV

You'd think that being the only human in a house full of vampires would be weird and take a lot of getting used to. The truth is I'd always felt at home with the Cullens, and moving in felt natural. In fact, the weirdest part was probably not having to worry about feeding Charlie anymore. Meal prep for one was almost harder than cooking for two or three people. I could never just put the leftovers in the fridge and know that someone else would finish them off before they would go bad. I had become a pro at cooking larger meals and freezing individual servings for myself to eat later.

Of course, the Cullens took care of everything I needed during my pregnancy. They cooked for me and fed me and never let me lift a finger. It wasn't until I recovered from the surgery that I finally started cooking again. It gave me something to do to keep my mind off of everything. I'd make these elaborate meals that I barely touched and had no one to share them with. When I finally woke up from my months' long cycle of busy work and threw my lists in the trash, I scaled back on the food.

It wasn't until then that I realized how weird it was to cook for just me. Maybe it felt strange because I had never planned to need human food for long enough to have to have to worry about the logistics of single serving human meals in a vampire household. Then one day, I went to the freezer and found a full meal already prepped and frozen. Esme never said a word, but I knew she noticed what an adjustment it was for me.

I had gotten used to planning and preparing my own food by now, and now that I was seeing Charlie again, I could take him leftovers. But once in a while, I'd still open the freezer and find a delicious meal that I hadn't made. For some reason, it never felt weird like she was doing something she was obligated to do, or like I was putting her out in some way. It just felt nice, like a part of my new normal, like the way Charlie would leave me fresh coffee in the morning sometimes. I let her do it.

I was pulling a bag of spaghetti sauce I had made last week out of the freezer when Esme came into the kitchen.

"Need any help?" she asked.

"No thanks," I told her. "I'm just reheating some spaghetti tonight."

"How about some company, then?" Esme asked.

"Sure," I told her.

She took a seat on a barstool on the other side of the white marble counter while I pulled a box of noodles from the pantry. She didn't say anything at first, just sat quietly observing while I got a pot of water started on the stove. I turned the burner on and took a seat next to her to wait for it to boil.

"I know you must be tired of everyone asking how you're doing," she said.

"Yeah, I guess," I admitted.

Esme wrapped an arm around me and rubbed my shoulder, the way my mom would have. It was such a simple gesture, but it made me miss my mom more than I expected.

"I just wanted you to know that if you need someone to talk to, someone that might be able to relate a little more to how you're feeling than Edward can, I'm here for you and so is Rosalie. Actually, it was Rose that suggested I talk to you."

I knew Rose's story. She had come to me when I first started having complications with the pregnancy, before Alice's vision, and offered her support. It meant a lot and helped me to get to know my new sister in a way I hadn't expected. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew Esme's story too, though she had been less vocal about it. I had somehow let myself forget that Esme knew what it was like to lose a child.

"Thank you, Esme. You guys have all been so supportive. I just honestly don't know how I'm feeling to talk about it with anyone," I confessed. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it. I just don't even know any of the answers to the questions I'm being asked."

"I know Rose has shared with you about how much she wanted a baby and how hard it was for her when she no longer had that option. I'm sorry I haven't talked with you more about my own experience. I didn't want to upset you more than you already were or push you to talk about it before you were ready," she explained. "Would you mind if I shared a little more about it with you?"

"I think I'd like that," I told her. "Thank you."

The water began to boil. I quickly added the noodles and returned to my seat to give my undivided attention to Esme.

"Obviously turning into a vampire isn't easy for any of us," she started. "Apart from the physical pain, there's an incredibly difficult emotional side, too, and it's different for everyone. You know, I was turned immediately after I lost my son. I had to deal with the emotional aftermath of losing one child and knowing I could never have another all in a matter of days."

I could've even imagine going through what Esme had experienced. She didn't just lose her baby. She had lost her entire family and her future, all at once, and all while in excruciating pain.

"I was angry at Carlisle at first. I felt like he had taken away the only control I had over ending my pain. I didn't want to live for a childless eternity with that feeling. I hadn't even wanted to live another day with that feeling. And then Carlisle showed me another way. He showed me that real family doesn't have to come from genetics or blood. It comes from love and acceptance and connection. All of you—Carlisle, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and you—you're more my family than the one I left behind as a human."

I suddenly felt selfish for wallowing for so long in my own pain that I didn't stop to consider Rose and Esme and how much they had been through, or the memories all of this must have brought back up for them. I wasn't the only person in the world to go through this. If they could survive it and find happiness, then maybe there was hope for me, too.

"Do you ever regret it? Becoming a vampire, I mean," I asked.

"Regret? No. If I had succeeded in ending my human life, I never would have gotten to live this one with all of you," said Esme.

"Do you still miss him? Your son?" The question I hadn't meant to ask came out as a whisper.

"Time has a way of dulling things, Bella. But you don't forget; you learn to accept and move forward and embrace the other joys life allows. Do I miss him? Yes. And I'm sure you'll always carry that feeling with you, too. Don't think of it as carrying your loss with you; think of it as carrying the love you have for her. That love will never go away, and that's a good and powerful thing."

Esme reached forward and wiped a tear from my cheek that I hadn't realized was falling. The smile she gave me was so tender and maternal that I knew she was every bit the mother she had always been meant to be, even if the circumstances weren't what she had expected. I hugged her and let myself cry into her shoulder as she patted my hair and rubbed my back in silent understanding.

But I had one more question. One I didn't want to ask, but one I desperately needed to know the answer to.

"Do you think…" I pulled myself away from the embrace and wiped my tears on my sleeve, gathering the courage to ask.

"Do you think if you had been given a second chance…knowing what you know now…if you could've stayed human and lived and healed over time…do you think you would have chosen that path for yourself? Do you think you would've still wanted to be a mother?" I asked.

"Oh, sweetheart. No. I wouldn't go back and change anything, but my circumstances were so different than yours. I didn't have a support system or a loving home to raise a child in even if I had been given a second chance. But that isn't your story. You have options and so many people that love you, and you shouldn't feel ashamed or afraid of knowing what you want," she said.

"Bella, if you don't get anything else out of this conversation, I want you to know one thing."

Esme took my hand and held it in both of hers.

"I am so proud of you for taking the time you need to figure out what you want. I took that choice away from myself, and you could have too if you had insisted on being turned quickly after what happened. But you didn't, and that was such a brave thing to do, Bella, even if it felt like you were lost and doing nothing at the time. Sometimes putting off a decision is kind of a decision in itself, don't you think?"

Esme was saying so many things that I had been thinking without realizing it. I was going to need a whole box of tissues when I got up.

"Thank you, Esme. For everything."

"And Bella?" Esme added.

"Yes?"

"Whatever you decide, we'll always be your family."