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Author's note: Thank you so much for all the comments on my story so far. Encouraging comments are so very welcome and appreciated. I know I'm taking a long time to move the story along but I thought the chapter below was important to do. I promise the NEXT chapter after it will finally be "the one" we've all been waiting for, I just need to finish writing it up. Until then, hope you enjoy this one.
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And the Heart is Brave
Chapter 21
Elizabeth was startled by the knock on the door of her rowhouse a week later. It was evening, not terribly late, but night time still and Little Jack was already in bed. Elizabeth went to the door and opened it, surprised to find Nathan on the other side, dressed in his Mountie uniform.
"Elizabeth, I'm so sorry to disturb you," he said apologetically.
"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked, slight alarm in her eyes, knowing Nathan wouldn't normally be at her door at such an hour.
"Nothing's wrong," Nathan was quick to allay any fears. "It's just I have to go out of town, suddenly, on a case and Mrs. Parks isn't able to watch Allie," he said, informing Elizabeth of his usual child care arrangements. "I'm so sorry to ask this of you, but could you watch Allie for me? I won't be gone more than a day or two," his voice was again apologetic. He really hated to bother her but time was short, he had to leave immediately, and he didn't like to leave Allie alone, not when he'd be gone overnight and for longer than just a day.
"Of course, Nathan, I'd be happy to," Elizabeth immediately agreed. If Nathan had some urgent Mountie duty it was no problem at all for Allie to stay with her. If fact, she'd welcome the company and she had that little spare bed in Little Jack's room that Allie could use.
Nathan dropped his voice low so only the two of them would hear. "I think you should know she's not happy about it," he said, angling slightly away for her to see past his shoulder, Elizabeth tilting her head for a better view. Allie was standing out front in the pathway to her house, next to Nathan's waiting horse. She had her satchel clutched to her stomach and was staring sullenly at the ground.
"So I see," Elizabeth drawled lightly.
"I'm really sorry about this," Nathan apologized again. Not only to leave her with a child but a sullen one at that. "I wish I could stay longer," he said. "But I have to leave now and ride through the night to get there," he said, explaining in a few more sentences his destination. "I really must go," he said, settling his hat on his head.
"Nathan, wait," Elizabeth said as he turned away. Leaving the door open, Elizabeth quickly went to her kitchen, grabbing a fresh loaf of bread and cutting two thick slices. Then she placed some slabs of roast beef between the pieces, quickly wrapping the offering in a fold of cloth and tying it closed. She brought it back to Nathan, no more than thirty seconds later. "In case you get hungry," she told him as she met his eyes, kind consideration in hers. He would get hungry if he was riding all night.
"Thank you, Elizabeth," Nathan said appreciatively as he took the offering, then turned and bounded down the stairs. His lifted the flap on his horse's saddlebag and slid the sandwich inside. "Allie, you mind Mrs. Thornton, you hear?" he admonished the instruction as Allie nodded, still sullen. Nathan sighed, then approached her to pull her in for a rough hug. "I won't be gone long, a day or two, okay?" he asked, lifting her chin to meet her eyes.
Allie nodded again, and Nathan delivered a final squeeze before releasing her and quickly mounting his horse. "Thank you again, Elizabeth," he said, then pulled his horses reigns to the side and quickly was gone.
"Allie, won't you come inside," Elizabeth invited the child, beckoning her in from the night air.
Allie sighed, then moved to ascend the stairs, her feet dragging as she entered Mrs. Thornton's house. It's not that she didn't like Mrs. Thornton. Of course she did. Next to Uncle Nathan, she liked Mrs. Thornton better than anybody in the world. It was this she didn't like. The sudden upheaval, the scrambled childcare when Uncle Nathan had to leave town. This was not the first time something like this had happened and Allie had been fostered onto some obliging neighbour or sitter, feeling like she was an imposition, an inconvenience. Other kids she knew didn't have to do this. Leave home in the dark to be watched by someone else while their parent went away. She knew Uncle Nathan was doing his best for her, juggling his job with raising her, but that didn't mean she liked this.
"Allie, why don't you put your satchel down here," Elizabeth was gesturing towards a chair as the child reluctantly obeyed. "Have you had your dinner?" she asked. She could fix Allie something to eat if she was hungry.
But Allie was nodding. She'd eaten already. "Well, then, um..."Elizabeth looked around, wondering what to offer the child to keep her occupied. It was still a bit too early to send her to bed. Then she remembered. She had a large puzzle she was planning to work on. It was something she occasionally did in the evenings when she didn't feel like writing. Something to do with her hands and her mind, to keep her busy in those quiet hours after Little Jack was asleep but it was too early for her to retire. Elizabeth went to her bookcase to hunt for the puzzle.
"I'm not a kid anymore you know," Allie said suddenly to Elizabeth's back. Elizabeth swung around to look at her, puzzle in hand. "I'm not a little kid anymore," Allie repeated. "I can stay home by myself. I don't need a sitter," she said, objecting to being dropped off at Mrs. Thornton's like this.
Elizabeth brought the puzzle to the table and lifted the lid, her mind working on what Allie had said. Understanding that Allie didn't want to be here, to be treated like a child, to be foisted off at night to someone else's home, Elizabeth stared down at the puzzle pieces, then slowly began to nod. "You're right, Allie," she agreed, as Allie's eyes went wide that Mrs. Thornton was agreeing with her. "You're much too old for a sitter. Now where is your satchel?" Elizabeth glanced around. "Would you like me to walk you home or are you okay going yourself?" she asked.
Allie blinked. "You mean you're going to let me go? Let me go back home?" she asked incredulous.
Elizabeth nodded. "I think you're old enough and I'm just a few houses away if you need anything. And I know your uncle just sent you here because of me anyway, and I don't want to keep you just for that," Elizabeth sighed with mock stoic resignation.
"What do you mean?" Allie asked, confused. What did Mrs. Thornton mean her uncle had sent her here for her?
Elizabeth sighed again. "Your uncle knows I don't like being here alone, at night. It was kind of him to think to send you to me, but it's really not necessary. I'll be fine," she said, affecting an air of bravery as she reached for Allie's satchel and handed it into Allie's stunned hands. "Now you go on, before it gets any colder," she said, a hand to Allie's shoulder.
"Wait," Allie said, trying to work this out, as she searched Elizabeth's face. "You mean, if I stay I'd be helping you," she wondered aloud.
Elizabeth gave a slight nod. Another sigh. "But I don't want to keep you," Elizabeth said, attempting to turn Allie towards the door.
"Wait," Allie said again, slightly resisting Elizabeth's attempts to usher her towards the door. This was different. This made things different, if Mrs. Thornton needed her here and not the other way around. Allie mulled the possibility. "Maybe...maybe I could stay," she offered, her eyes falling to the puzzle on the table. "You probably need help with that too," she tipped her head in the puzzle's direction.
"It's 500 pieces. Do you think we can do it?" Elizabeth asked, something of a challenge in her eyes.
Allie's eyes had lit up. "Sure we can!" she enthused. "I'm good at puzzles!" she informed Elizabeth proudly.
"Oh Allie, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that," Elizabeth smiled. And it wasn't just Allie's proficiency with puzzles she was relieved to hear either, as Allie set her satchel down and the two each pulled out a chair from the table, sat down and got to work.
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It was later than night, when she'd sent Allie to bed, to the extra bed in Little Jack's room, and had given her a candle to illuminate her way so that she wouldn't wake her sleeping son, that Elizabeth rapped lightly on the door. She'd given Allie enough time to get changed and ready for bed, and she thought to check on her before she went to sleep.
Pushing the door open to peer inside, she spotted Allie dressed in her night shift standing in front of the mirror atop a dresser, the room darkened except for the glow of a single candle. Allie looked towards Elizabeth at her entrance, a panicked look in her eyes.
"What is it, Allie? What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked on a whisper, her son asleep not far away.
"I forgot my brush," Allie said on a whimper, almost close to tears. How she hated these rushed departures, scrambling to fit her overnight belongings into her satchel before a hurried departure. Forgetting her hair brush might have seemed a small inconvenience but to Allie it was upsetting, representative of what she so disliked about these arrangements.
"It's alright, Allie," Elizabeth said in a soothing voice. "You can borrow mine. I'll go get it," she said.
Returning to the room a moment later, brush in hand, Elizabeth hesitated, "Allie, would you...would you like me to brush your hair?" she asked the child.
At Allie's nod, Elizabeth ushered her over to the bed. Allie sat down and Elizabeth sat beside her. Allie turned her body, raising one knee into a V so that her back was to Elizabeth. Elizabeth twisted from her waist and raised the brush to Allie's head, beginning a long smooth stroke through Allie's hair at the back of her head.
"You have very pretty hair, Allie," Elizabeth complimented, continuing to brush, her voice still a whisper in deference to her sleeping son. A small smile touched Allie's lips at the compliment, unseen by Elizabeth. And Allie did have pretty hair, Elizabeth thought, smooth and straight and thick, the brush gliding easily through it. Not like hers had been when she was younger. Elizabeth's hair had a slight curl to it, it had been much worse when she was younger and it tangled easier. "When my mother used to brush my hair, it never went this well," she said conversationally. "I always had so many tangles and brushing was so painful!" she said ruefully.
Another small unseen smile came to Allie's lips, and then she grew thoughtful. Thoughtful and introspective, blinking with some unspoken realization, with a sudden awareness.
A few more strokes and Elizabeth set the brush beside her. "Should I braid it?" she asked, then felt Allie's nod, she reached to pull her hair back before separating its length into three thick strands and she began the braid. The task soon complete she patted Allie's shoulder. "Okay, into bed now," she said, moving to stand as Allie did the same. Elizabeth pulled back the covers before Allie climbed between them and Elizabeth covered her. "Goodnight, Allie," she whispered down to the child with a soft smile.
"Goodnight, Mrs. Thornton," Allie echoed, before Elizabeth reached for the brush and the candle, balancing both in one hand and turned from the from the room, Allie's eyes watching her as she departed, as she closed the door behind her. Allie let out a soft sigh, then turned on her pillow and tried to sleep.
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It was several hours later, after Elizabeth had been long asleep, that she awoke to the noise. She held her breath and listened, not sure what had awoken her, wondering if it was her son, but then she heard it again, a noise from downstairs. Elizabeth got out of bed and lit a candle, and in her night dress, her hair braided over one shoulder, she proceeded down the stairs, the candle in one hand, drawing up her gown with the fisted hand of the other.
"Allie! What are you doing up?" she asked from the bottom of the stairs, spotting the child sitting at the table in the dark, the incomplete puzzle they'd been working on before her. Elizabeth drew nearer. "Are you hungry, Allie?" Elizabeth asked, wondering what the child was doing up.
Allie shook her head, merely staring straight ahead. Elizabeth glanced around, puzzled by Allie's behaviour. "Allie?" she said again, coming closer still and setting the candle on the table. "Allie, is something wrong?" she asked.
"I can't sleep," Allie admitted with a swallow.
"You can't sleep?" Elizabeth repeated, wondering at the unusual childhood complaint. "Oh, I know," she said with sudden understanding. "It's the bed. You can't sleep in a strange bed," she offered her opinion. But Allie was shaking her head.
"I can sleep anywhere," she informed Elizabeth, slight pride in her voice at the accomplishment.
"Then what is it?" Elizabeth asked, drawing up a chair alongside Allie before sitting down.
"I can't sleep...," Allie said again. "I can't sleep when Uncle Nathan's...away," she said carefully with hesitation.
"You can't sleep when Uncle Nathan is away," Elizabeth said, repeating Allie's words back to her, her brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Because...because you're worried about him," she said, a statement, not a question, wondering why she hadn't realized it sooner. Allie knew her uncle had a dangerous job, one that he was off now fulfilling. Of course she would be worried. At Allie's slight nod, Elizabeth asked gently, "Allie, have you told your uncle you worry when he's away?"
Allie shook her head. "No, he'd just worry if he knew I was worried," she stated, displaying a measure of wisdom beyond her years.
Elizabeth took a deep breath, suddenly seeing Allie with new eyes. For a while, and not just tonight, Allie had been asserting that she was no longer a child, and for the first time Elizabeth saw that it was so. It wasn't just her added height, or the recent appearance of gangling arms and legs, it was more than that. Allie was achieving an awareness of the world and of life that indicated she was growing up.
"Allie, everything is going to be okay," Elizabeth told her reassuringly.
"Yeah, everybody always says that," Allie said wryly. It was what grownups were always saying to kids. But she knew differently. She knew that that wasn't always true.
Elizabeth studied Allie, wondering what to say to comfort her, to reassure her, and then suddenly a strange realization came to Elizabeth. That in all of Hope Valley, only she and Allie had had this worry. This worry between them. That theirs was a kinship, a reflection from the same mirror. Oh, there had been other tragedies in Hope Valley, other losses, but only her and Allie shared this one. For they both loved and had loved a man with a dangerous job, a Mountie, and they had both carried the worry of loss with them. She knew she had lost Jack, but even in her loss she had so much behind her. A supportive family back east, her friends in Hope Valley, Jack had even left her with a child to raise. But if Allie lost her uncle, she would have nothing and no one. Suddenly, Elizabeth felt shame, shame that her own displays of bravery were minuscule alongside the girl's. Allie's shoulders were so much smaller, yet she'd borne so much more. And without the choice of it that Elizabeth had. Elizabeth exhaled, searching for the words, the right words to say. Slowly, softly, she began.
"Allie, I can't tell you that everything is going to be alright," she admitted the truth, no empty promises from her. "But I can tell you that I think it will be, that I hope it will be," she continued. "And I know that loving a man who is a Mountie is hard. Sometimes...sometimes we don't want to," she said and Allie nodded agreement, understanding just what Mrs. Thornton meant. "But that's who they are. And if we love them it's because of it, not in spite of it," Elizabeth continued. "Because that's who they are," she repeated. "But it's hard, because they're there and you're here and you can't help them. You can only wait, and hope and pray," she said. "Allie, I want you to know you don't have to carry your worry alone," she said, as Allie looked over to her. "You can give me your worry, Allie. You can give it to me, because I understand," Elizabeth said, understanding all to well Allie's worries, her fears. "And you can give your worry to God, Allie. Because He understands too," she said the simple words, then remembered. Remembered how Allie had wanted to say grace that day at her house, that maybe now words like that would be a comfort to her. "Allie, would you like to ask God to protect Uncle Nathan? Would you like to do that with me now?" she asked.
At Allie's nod, Elizabeth said, "Okay," then reached for Allie's hands. She pressed them palms together, then placed hers around Allie's, sandwiching them between her own. She leaned close to Allie, her head brushed close to the girl's and dropped her head slightly as Allie did the same. Slowly Elizabeth began the prayer. "Dear Heavenly Father, please watch over Uncle Nathan," she recited, using that name, because this was Allie's prayer. "Please guide his steps safely and surely in his service to You and to his country. Please protect him from harm and bring him home safely to Hope Valley and to those that love him. Amen," she ended the prayer, hearing Allie's softly echoed Amen. Elizabeth cranked her neck, tilting her head to the side, trying to read Allie's face. "Was that okay, Allie?" she asked softly, wondering if her words had brought any comfort, any reassurance.
Suddenly, Allie nodded quickly then flung herself at Elizabeth in a fierce hug as Elizabeth wound her arms around Allie's back to hug her in return, breathing in relief. Elizabeth had a sudden realization. She had used her words, her gift of words, to soothe Allie, to soothe a hurting heart. But Elizabeth realized there was another one. Another heart she had soothed.
Her own.