Jacob POV

It took everything in me not to phase on the spot after I hung up the phone. I needed to pull myself together before I accidentally exposed everything that had been going on to the rest of the pack. There would be no way to explain the crazy shit in my head to any of them if they saw it. Hell, I couldn't even explain it to myself.

I slumped down onto my my bedroom floor with my back against the bed frame, thanking my lucky stars that Dad was out with Charlie today. He would know something was up with me, and I couldn't afford for anyone to start asking questions.

I thought back over the conversation and wondered if Edward even realized that my conditional offer had been 100% sarcastic. I only said it because I knew that Bella would never, ever ask or want that from me. The fact that he seemed to think it was even an option told me he had lost his damn mind. He was obviously desperate, and I couldn't help but pity the guy a little. You'd have to be in pretty low place to ask some other guy to screw your wife. I'd never been in a relationship, but I couldn't imagine being okay with something like that.

There might've been a time when I would've jumped at the opportunity to be with Bella, but not now. And fuck no, not like this. Then I remembered his stupid "allow" comment, like Bella was a piece of property that he could loan me or some shit, and anger replaced the momentary pity. I might've been a virgin, but I was pretty damn sure the only person that could consent to sex was the person you were having it with and not her creepy desperate vampire husband.

I needed to get out of here. I was going to lose it if I just sat here thinking about it all. I needed to run it off and claw it out of the dirt, but that wasn't an option. Instead, I picked up my cell phone from where I'd thrown it against the bed and walked outside to the garage. I flung open my car door took off, driving with no real plan of where I was headed just to have something to do.

Thirty minutes later, I found myself parked in front of the Cullens' place like something inside me had fucking dragged me there without my permission. What was I doing? This was the last place I needed to be. I sat in my car completely at a loss for what to do next.

I was furious at myself for being there and furious at Edward for being an insane sexist douche. Without thinking about what I was doing or why, I lashed out the first way that came to mind. I threw open a floodgate of images in my head and hoped that Edward was listening. Bella stripping off her clothes. Bella naked in the shower. Bella sitting on a bed, crooking her finger with a "come hither" motion. Bella on her hands and knees. I didn't let up until I saw Edward storm out onto the porch. If this is what he thought of us, then fuck it. I'd indulge him. Once I knew I had his attention, I started to insert myself into the images. Me stripping off her clothes. Me in the shower with her. Me laying her down on the bed.

I need to see Bella. We have some business to take care of.

A look of pain rather than anger suddenly appeared on his face, and he clenched and unclenched his fists twice. He didn't say anything and stayed rooted to the porch.

This is what you want, right? Ask Bella to come out and see me, then. I'll take care of this.

Instead of waiting for him to react, I picked up my cell phone and dialed Bella's number myself. I stared Edward right in the face through my car window as I spoke to her.

"Hey, Bells! Wanna hang out today? I'm right outside." I said it with a cheery tone that didn't match the heat in my eyes.

I imagined Bella running down the stairs and into my arms.

"Really? Right now?"

I pictured us both climbing into the backseat of my car and taking her right there in front of him.

"Yeah, can you come down?"

I watched imaginary Bella toss her imaginary panties out of my car and onto the ground.

"Um, okay. Let me just tell Edward—"

"Don't worry, he knows. He made it clear that he's fine with it." I didn't break eye contact with him as I said it.

"Okay, I'll be down in a minute."

"See you soon." I winked at him as I hung up the phone, and he finally turned around and went back inside the house.

I didn't let up on the stream of images running through my mind. I dragged up months and years old fantasies, and I improvised and made shit up off the top of my head. I imagined Bella's face on the bodies from the magazine. To my complete shock, Bella came outside and got in the car with me as though everything was fine. Edward never even came back outside. His inaction fueled my anger even more.

I waited until she buckled her seatbelt and sped off.

"So what's with the surprise visit?" she asked.

I felt my cheeks grow hot with a sudden flood of shame now that she was with me.

"Consider it an experiment. If Edward doesn't chase us down in the next few minutes, he's lost his mind."

"Care to be a little more vague?" Bella joked. She took another look at me and her smile faded. "Seriously, Jake, what's wrong?"

I hit 70mph, willing us to get out of the range of Edward's listening abilities if he in fact wasn't following us. I didn't want him to know I was just baiting him and had no intention of going through with it. It was one thing to offer it in theory, but another to watch your wife jump in a car and drive away with the guy you were trying to set her up with. I guess I thought if I made it feel more real for him, maybe he'd come to his senses.

"Can we go somewhere and talk, just the two of us?" I asked her.

"Sure. Yeah."

I weighed my options. We couldn't go anywhere with other people around and risk being overheard. Bella's house wasn't safe. Charlie's was occupied. Mine was empty for the time being, but if I was going to try to keep this all under wraps, I really didn't want to risk anyone from the pack seeing Bella at my house. I spotted a mostly empty library parking lot and practically whipped the car in a 45 degree angle at the last second to avoid missing the turn.

"Jeez, Jake. What is going on?" Bella asked as I put the car in park.

I exhaled slowly and tried to figure out where to even start.

"Has Edward said anything to you today?" I asked.

"Edward? About what?"

"About the last conversation he had with me."

"No, I don't think so. Why, what happened?"

I wasn't going to sugarcoat it this time. "Your asshole husband asked me to have sex with you."

Bella's mouth dropped open in shock.

"He….what? What are you even…why would…"

"He's trying to do the right thing or whatever, at least what he thinks is the right thing, but like I said. He's lost his damn mind," I told her.

"But why? Why would he say that? What do you mean, 'the right thing'?"

"He thinks it's worth it if there's a chance you can have a baby."

"But you can't…that doesn't even make sense. Carlisle said…"

Ah, good old Carlisle leaving out the details. I was beginning to understand exactly why he had kept this from Edward. Carlisle must've suspected he'd try to exhaust every last option if he knew the truth, even if that meant throwing Bella into bed with me.

"Yeah, about that. I think the way Carlisle explained things to the two of you might have been on more of a need-to-know basis. I'm not sterile, Bella. But I can only have kids the, um, conventional way. So of course your loving husband has volunteered us both for the task. What a thoughtful guy," I sneered.

Bella sat in stunned silence. I felt a surge of guilt.

"Look, I'm not telling you this to upset you, Bella, I swear. I don't even know what I'm doing here. It was stupid of me to come. I shouldn't have dropped a bomb on you like this."

She snapped out of it. "No, it's okay that you're here. You can talk to me. I just…wow. I don't even know what to say."

"Tell me about it. Now you know how my morning's been."

"So what did you?"

"What did I what?" I asked.

"Say. To Edward, when he asked you," she clarified.

"That he's a fool if he thinks his permission is the only thing keeping this from happening."

I suddenly realized Edward would spin this an entirely different way when he talked to her later. He would tell her I was on board as long as she agreed. She needed to know it had been a joke, a spur of the moment spiteful comment dripping with sarcasm. I hadn't taken any of it seriously, though Edward clearly did.

"I should probably tell you. I said something kind of stupid to Edward, and I don't want it to be weird when he tells you later. I don't want him twisting my words and making it something it wasn't."

Right. It was going to have to be weird right now instead, then.

"What is it?"

"I, um, may have agreed to it under one condition. But I swear I only said it because I knew the condition would never be met. I was trying to make a point, but as we've established, he's lost his mind, so I don't think he really got it."

"What was the condition, Jake?"

Damn, why did a sarcastic comment have to be this awkward to say out loud to Bella? I hadn't even meant it, but I knew it was going to sound bad.

"It's not important."

Nope, changed my mind. I'd be a coward and let Edward tell her after all.

"Jake…"

"Fine. The condition was that you had to ask me."

The color drained from her face, and I couldn't bear the look of pity she was giving me. An unexpected memory slammed into me, and suddenly I was remembering a very different request from what felt like a hundred years ago on top of a cold mountain, back when I still believed she could love me. "Jacob, kiss me! I'm asking you to kiss me," she had begged. I wondered if she was remembering it, too.

"I didn't mean it, Bella. I only said it because I knew you wouldn't ask me." Not this time. I was hit by an unexpected wave of sadness. I would never try to manipulate her like that again. I had been reckless and hopeful and stupid trying to force something that I thought Bella couldn't admit to wanting. Edward had that role covered now, apparently.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob. He should have never put you in that position. I don't know how he thought he could ask that of you after all that you've done already."

"It's not your fault. The guy's a mess. I know he loves you and he's just trying to do what's best for you, but I'm sick of him trying to figure out what that means without you, Bells. You get to call the shots here. Make sure he doesn't forget that, okay?"

"Thanks, I will."

"So what are you going to say to him?" I asked.

"You mean before or after I murder him?" she grinned.

"Either. Both."

"I'm going to tell him to get a grip on himself, and also thank him for a very misguided attempt at trying to be the saintliest husband on the planet, but to also quit trying to make all my decisions for me."

"Sounds fair," I agreed.

I paused before asking my next question and wondered if I should.

"Bells? What are you going to do now? I mean, since this didn't work out the way we'd hoped."

"I honestly have no idea." She hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I guess it's time for me to quit torturing us all and let him turn me."

Bella looked utterly defeated. I watched her wipe a tear from her cheek, and I couldn't believe this was the same girl that had once reluctantly admitted her excitement about becoming a vampire to me. Her happiness to spend eternity with Edward had broken my heart once, and now her sadness for the same thing was doing it all over again. There was a cruel irony to it all.

"Please don't give up on yourself. Remember how nervous you were to tell me the truth about you and Edward? How scared you were to hurt my feelings once you knew you wanted to be like him?" I asked.

"Sure, I guess," she nodded.

"It was hard for me to accept. But you know what made it bearable for me, Bells?"

"What?"

"When I realized how much you wanted it. When I knew it was the only thing that would make you happy. Will it still make you happy, Bella? Really? Because I don't see that excitement in you anymore. I see something else."

I knew in my gut that if she went through with it, she would regret it for the rest of her life. For eternity.

She didn't answer me. I knew I was really pushing the envelope with this line of conversation, but fuck envelopes, fuck walls, and fuck Edward Cullen for drawing the line and then crossing it in the first place.

"I promise I'll always support you in anything you want. I mean that, Bells. But please don't go through with this just because you think you're supposed to or because of promises you made back when you were somebody else." I pleaded with her.

And then, because I was apparently no longer in charge of my own damn mouth or car or brain, I said "And if you do decide you want something different or unconventional or absolutely insane, then yeah. All you have to do is ask. I'm in."

Was I? In? I didn't know what the hell was coming over me anymore. In that moment I realized I sounded every bit as nuts as Edwards, and I couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation. We were all crazy. Straight-jacket, card-carrying certifiably insane. And somehow knowing that didn't stop me from wanting to throw everything out the fucking window for her. Again.

"Are you seriously laughing right now?" Bella asked, incredulous.

"I'm sorry, it's just…" I chuckled some more. "I came here furious about Edward being a nutcase, and I just realized I'm just as crazy as he is. They should lock us both up."

She smiled at me. "You're not crazy, Jake. Well, maybe, but I appreciate it. Don't worry, I'd never put you through that."

I couldn't help but notice her objections were all based around me. She wouldn't put me through it. She couldn't believe Edward had asked that of me. Not once had she said "No, I don't want to." Maybe she just didn't want to hurt my feelings, but if I was being crazy, then I might as well lay out her options.

"Just to be clear, Bella, it's fucking nuts, is what it is. But if you…you know…" I choked on the words, unsure of how to continue. "What I'm trying to say is it wouldn't have to mean anything."

Bella stared at me across the car.

"It wouldn't have to mean anything? Do you hear yourself right now? Of course it would mean something. We're not talking about going to see a movie or taking a road trip. This is serious."

"Nothing would have to change. It would just be…I don't know, a really good friend doing a favor." Even I knew that sounded stupid. It was Bella's turn to laugh.

"Is that how you treat all your friends? You ever do any 'favors' for Quil?"

"Come on, it's not the same and you know it."

"You're my best friend, Jake. I love you too much to do this to you. Let's not screw that up, okay?"

This whole conversation was starting to become one giant case of laughing at inappropriate moments.

"Jacob Black, why the hell are you grinning at me like that?" She asked. "None of this is funny."

"I was just thinking, I bet the guy that invented the phrase 'screw it up' didn't mean it so literally."

"Seriously?" She shot me a stern look and punched me in the shoulder, but I detected the smallest trace of a smile, and I knew things would be okay between us.

"Can you take me home? My husband has some serious explaining to do."