Author's Note: I am not going to apologize for the direction this story is taking. Take a deep breath… and laugh! That's what I am doing as I write it. I'm having just too much fun with this one.

Chapter 13: I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for the A Team

"Trust me, you don't want to ride around in that," Stark jerked a thumb towards the garbage truck. "Too smelly."

Thranduil sniffed, the odor of the garbage starting to permeate into the kitchen. "Perhaps you are correct concerning that."

Stark walked away, returning to the dining room, muttering under his breath. "Elves… I get stuck with elves… elves that think garbage trucks are limos… and of course a champagne bottle falls out…"

"Sir?" Jarvis' voice sounded in his ear.

"Nothing, just complaining. Jarvis, any sign of Pepper?"

"I am sorry, but there is no sign of her."

"Hmmm… can you find Dr. Selvig, or Jane Foster… or anyone from S.H.I.E.L.D. who might be able to figure out this convergence crap?"

"Director Fury, perhaps? He has been trying to reach you for the past hour."

"I would rather not have any dealings with Mr. Fury if you do not mind," Loki's voice interrupted his conversation with Jarvis.

"What? How the hell did you know…" Stark's voice trailed off as he stared at the god.

Loki simply smirked, not answering. His eyes glittered with mischief.

"And it is Director Fury," Stark corrected Loki.

"Director, mister… not much difference really," Loki replied with a shrug of his elegant shoulders then crossing his arms over his chest.

"Never mind. No, Jarvis, not Fury… anyone else you can find?"

"I am sorry. No one seems to be available except Director Fury."

"Fine, Fury then," Stark glared at Loki. "You be quiet and I'll leave you out of this."

Loki arched one eyebrow sardonically. "Am I supposed to be afraid?"

"I am connecting you to Director Fury through your cell phone, sir," Jarvis' voice cut in.

"Stark?" Fury shouted through the phone.

Stark winced. "You don't need to shout. I can hear you perfectly well. Listen, I'm…"

"No, you listen. What the hell are you up to? I've heard reports of an explosion in New York. Is Loki back?" Fury fired the questions rapidly.

Stark looked directly at Loki. "Loki? No, haven't seen him since he went back to Asgard. Now, listen. I have a problem here…"

"You have a problem? I don't have time for your problems…"

"Fury, stop! WE have a problem. Do you know where Banner, Selvig, or Jane Foster are? I need to speak to one of them."

"Why?"

"I have a hobbit, three elves, a dwarf, and warrior princess or two here that don't belong. I think it has something to do with some sort of convergence… at least that is what one of the warrior princesses is telling me," Stark replied staring directly at Loki.

If looks could kill, Stark knew he'd be dead right now based on the daggers Loki's eyes were shooting his way. He grinned in response, knowing he'd gotten under the god's skin with his snide comments.

"A habit? Seriously? You're calling me because you're drunk again… or high? Try the Betty Ford Center; they can help you with kicking any habit you've got now. I've got problems to deal with. If you can't tell me what caused that explosion, I'll send a team over there."

"NOT a habit, a Hobbit…

"Hobby? I don't care if you have a hobby. Hill, can you scramble a team to go to Lutece?"

Stark sighed, noticing Loki was snickering at him. "Not a hobby, a hobbit… H-O-B-B-I-T. Hobbit. You know, short dude with furry feet?" He rolled his eyes, putting a hand over his cell phone microphone. "They are sending…" his eyes widened as Loki disappeared and Pepper was standing there.

"A team, I know." Loki/Pepper replied.

"The A-Team? They are sending the A-Team in to help? OH MY GOD! Girls! This is just too good to be true!" One of the women shrieked. "Dinner with them, and now the A Team!"

"Is my hair okay?"

"Where is my purse? I need my makeup!"

"Stark! What's going on now?" Fury shouted.

"You just created a fan girl moment. They are expecting the A-Team. I hope you are sending them over."

"A-team?" Fury's confusion was evident in his voice.

"Never mind. Listen… back to my problem…"

"I told you, the Betty Ford Clinic could help you with your habit. I've got a team heading your way, so be prepared to be up front with them for a change."

"Right… up front. Tell them to bring… " The front door crashed open, stopping him mid-sentence. "I think they are here." Stark stared at the open door, waiting for someone to come in.

"Stand down!" Natasha Romanov was the first to enter, followed closely by Clint Barton.

"Great… just what we didn't need right now." Loki/Pepper muttered. Loki suddenly morphed into Tony Stark.

The real Tony just stood there, gaping. "How do you do that?"

"Magic," Loki/Tony grabbed Stark's cell phone. "Fury, call your critters off!" Loki/Stark shouted into the phone.

"Critters?"

"Yeah, the spider chick and the birdman," Loki said, his voice a perfect imitation of Stark's.

Tony, the real Tony Stark, shook his head. "This ain't gonna fly. Two of me?"

"No, one of you – me. You are not you," Loki replied with a grin.

Stark looked down at himself. "What the hell?" He reached out and grabbed a mirror from one woman who was reapplying her makeup. "Gimme that!" He stared into it, shocked to see Pepper's face staring back.

"Where is she? Do you have her?" Stark raged, grabbing at Loki.

"Tony, really. Can't you wait till we get back to the apartment?" Loki simpered.

"Hey guys, what's going on? Fury said there was an explosion or something?" Barton approached them.

"Oh, nothing much. Just a small problem with one of the ovens in here…" Loki started to say. "And Pepper getting a little frisky."

"Listen. This isn't what you think," Stark/Pepper glared at Loki/Stark before continuing. "Something is going on, between the Nine Realms, and I need to find Dr. Selvig or Jane Foster."

"We have lost contact with both. Dr. Selvig was sighted running around Stonehenge, naked," Clint stated.

"I know. I tried to find him but he'd disappeared. You mean you guys don't know where he is either?" Loki/Stark asked.

"Sorry, Fury doesn't tell us everything. He did mention you had a problem? Needed to go to a clinic?" Natasha looked at Stark not realizing it was Loki.

"No, he misunderstood," Loki replied, hearing Stark giggling behind him. "Really Pepper, can you not stop giggling?"

"Well, if you two are okay, we need to check out the kitchen…" Natasha's voice trailed off as first Legolas then Thranduil burst into the dining room, followed closely by the others. "What the hell?"

"Precisely what I was trying to tell Fury," the real Tony said. "Pepper disappeared and those three showed up."

"But you are standing right here," Barton looked suspiciously at Tony/Pepper. "Perhaps both of you need to check into Betty Ford?"

"I am not Pepper Potts. I am…" Pepper's form suddenly transformed into Loki.

"Loki!" Natasha and Clint shouted at the same time, reaching for their weapons.

"I am NOT Loki! That is Loki!" Tony/Loki pointed at the real Loki, who had disappeared and was now looking like Lt. Templeton Peck from the A-Team. "Oh great… the A-Team… you forgot a few," Tony quipped.

"That can be easily fixed," Loki's fingers snapped and Sif, Tauriel, and Thranduil were transformed into Murdock, Hannibal, and Mr. T respectively.

Thranduil looked down at his new form. "Loki, really? Totally not my color."

"Father?" Legolas stared at his father incredulously.

"I told you he was Istari," Mr. T/Thranduil replied.

A flash of bright light exploded in the kitchens. Once the smoke had dissipated, only Natasha was left standing in the room.