AN: And the shocks from Edward aren't over yet...

My thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight and annaharding for their efforts to clean this chapter up

And of course, my thanks to all reviewers, favoriters and followers. I'm so pleased you like it

For those of you who might be inclined, my recent story, 'From Lemonade to Love' has been nominated for completed fics of March 2020

If you feel so inclined please head on over to TwiFanFictionRecs and give me a little vote

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it, I just play with her characters

Summary

After moving to San Francisco for her dream job, Bella lives her life to the fullest, even though a little piece of her heart is missing. It's small enough to be missed but large enough to know something is missing.

A story of not knowing what you have until it's almost too late.

Chapter 5

The next few days were quiet, both at work and at home. Edward had been away on previous occasions and I'd never really missed him, but I really needed to make sure our friendship went back to what it had been before. By the end of the day on Tuesday, I was reduced to rolling my eyes at myself at my inability to let it take care of itself. I would find the right words when the time came.

As it happened, none of it was necessary.

The front door slammed as it usually did each evening. Edward strode into the room with a big smile on his face.

"Bella, I've got some great news."

I couldn't help the smile that stole across my face. He looked calm, well-rested, and happy. "Come on then," I grinned. "Out with it."

"Kate and I had a perfect break. We talked and ironed out a lot of our problems, and she agreed to back off and let us work through the things we want to do together. She apologized for letting what her parents wanted come between us, and we had a heart-to-heart about how it made me feel. She really didn't know how—"

"And?" I interrupted him mid-flow. "Get to the exciting bit; the bit that's making you smile so widely," I teased.

"Well, I asked her to marry me—and she said yes. Isn't that great?"

He dropped his laptop bag beside the coffee table as he stripped his tie off and undid the top button of his shirt. Running his fingers through his hair, he yawned. "Hmm, sorry," he apologized. "We had a busy weekend and work has been hell today. What's for dinner, B? Do you want to get take-out?"

He headed for his room, no doubt to change, while I sort of stood there with my mouth open. It was the last thing I expected him to say. I was still standing in the same spot when he walked back into the room, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt; my mind still in denial that he'd elected to say nothing. Is that what it had meant to him—nothing?

"What did you want to talk about, Bella?"

"It's nothing. Just—umm—about the other night?"

"I know, Bella." Edward turned away from me and opened the drawer where we kept the take-out menus. "How does Chinese sound? Or Thai? My treat." I murmured 'okay' at the second option and he picked up his phone from the coffee table, dialing and giving them our usual order.

"Edward?" For a moment I thought he was going to just brush it under the carpet, but he moved past me into the kitchen, grabbing a couple of beers and handing me one before leaning against the counter.

"Thank goodness we stopped when we did." He finally looked directly at me, the tips of his ears slightly pink. "I'm sorry I let it get out of hand, Bella, but it would have ruined everything for me and Kate. You know I don't think of you like that; we're best friends."

I had no idea what I expected him to say, but what I heard was him brushing both me and any possibility of a relationship off—if that's what it was or might have been. Despite the fact that I'd never even thought of us in that way, there was a small part of me that was still disappointed by his dismissal. I took a deep breath, not sure if I wanted him to say more, shocked to hear about it as if it had been nothing. I couldn't find anything more to say either, and an unusual atmosphere fell between us. A couple of minutes later, the doorbell sounded and broke the silence.

We busied ourselves with laying the food across the surface of the coffee table and eating while Edward switched on the television to watch the early evening news. Gradually, the slight awkwardness eased until we were laughing at a repeat episode of The Big Bang Theory.

Slowly, over the next couple of weeks, things returned to a sort of normal, and when Edward brought Kate around one Saturday afternoon, I was ready to congratulate both of them on their engagement and be truly happy for them.

After that, naturally, he and Kate spent even more time together, and me—well, I had way too many nights where Edward starred in my dreams. On my next weekend visit with Jess, we discussed it at length.

"Why now, Jess?" I complained. "He's engaged to Kate, and I'm really happy for both of them. He obviously loves her, and there's nothing I want more than for him to have what he wants in his life. If she's it, then that's absolutely fine with me. I just want what he has, too."

"Well, I think that you and he opened a door that subconsciously you're finding hard to close again—"

"But I don't think about him that way. I love him, of course, but it's a platonic love—not a sexual one. Why would I dream about being with him like that?"

"As I was saying"―she pressed her fingers against my lips when I tried to interrupt―"your body has been awakened, and Edward is starring in your dreams because you have no other love interest in your life. Subconsciously, you've become fixated on him, and it's only natural as he's become a closer part of you—that inner sexual part of you. My suggestion is that you accept a few dates and replace that place in your mind with a new man."

"I don't know, Jess. I don't feel ready for another relationship." I'm not sure my heart would be into it.

"You said yourself that your love for him is just platonic. You don't have to fall in love with someone else, just spend some time with new people. It'll all fade into the background as you move on with your life." She hesitated. "Honestly, Bella? Is there something you're not telling even yourself?"

I shrugged. "I don't think so." I contemplated the thought for a minute and then shook my head at my musing. "No, I'm sure it'll be fine. Let's go dancing tomorrow, shall we? Get rid of the cobwebs in my mind and meet some new people."

"Good idea, and it's a perfect opportunity to buy a new dress, don't you think? Shopping tomorrow?" She giggled and refilled our wine glasses and leaned back against the seat of the sofa from the floor where we sat. She proceeded to tell me about the new teacher at school she'd been eyeing up for a while.

Jess and I went out for breakfast and then to the mall where I purchased a short, gold-colored, strapless dress with a layered skirt and a deep 'V' bodice at the front. I matched it with a pair of nude pumps, and later that same evening, the whole ensemble attracted a lot of attention at Eclipse again. This time, I threw myself into the whole 'meet someone else' thing and had a great time, coming away with a few phone numbers which might lead to some dates.

When I left on Sunday afternoon, I felt a lot better. Even my dreams seemed to be behaving themselves, images of Edward replaced by Peter and Paul, both of whom I'd met at the club.

~ oOo ~