Author's Note: Just a quick update (January 2018). Recently, I have had a few new readers and I wish to remind people that I love reading your reviews; however, I have the settings for reviews so that if you are not logged into FFN, your review goes to moderation and never will get posted. The primary reason is that I love to respond to reviewers comments. If you wish to post a review, please make sure you are logged into FFN.

Chapter 31: Whoomp! There it Is!

Thor's head jerked at the sound of his brother's voice. "Loki?" He stared at the doorway. "You ARE alive!"

Loki looked down, carefully inspecting himself. "So it would appear."

Thor stepped off the small dais, pushing past the photographer and his assistants he walked towards his brother. He reached out to grasp him.

"Whoa!" Loki stepped back, holding his arms out to prevent Thor from touching him. "You are all wet. Can't get the leather wet, now can we?"

Thor ignored him and wrapped his arms around his brother. "I cannot believe you are alive!"

Loki wriggled out of his brother's grasp. "Well, I am. I shall explain later. Now what, precisely, are you doing?"

Thor shrugged. "Modeling."

"Why?" Loki's eyebrow arched up incredulously.

"Well… they did ask us, and it would be impolite to say no. Mother always said to be polite," Thor replied.

"Father?" Legolas stepped past the brothers to enter the room. His gaze instantly landed on his father. He breathed a sigh of relief to see his father was still fully clothed, unlike Thor who was half naked.

"Ah, Legolas," Thranduil smiled. "Just in time. Ladies? Would you see that my son gets some of this lovely champagne?" He raised his glass in salute to his son. "Splendid drink. We must take some back with us."

One of the ladies quickly poured a glass of champagne and offered it to Legolas. Legolas accepted it and sniffed it first. Wrinkling his nose slightly as the bubbles burst upon the surface of the liquid, he finally took a sip. "Not bad," he said, nodding his head.

Kat quickly surveyed the newcomers, a wide smile breaking across her face. "Gentlemen, I do hope you will join us. You will make splendid additions to our photo shoot."

Loki looked at her sardonically. "Do you seriously expect us to?"

Unfazed, Kat smiled at him. "It would be worth your while…"

With everyone's attention on Legolas and Loki, Gollum was able to enter into the room unnoticed. He slithered towards a table laden with food. Snaking a hand up, he snatched a cookie from a plate. Stuffing it into his mouth, he started to chew on it. "Pfffft!" He spat out the cookie. "Nasssty, do you have any fishes?" He turned his big bulbous eyes on Kat.

One of the ladies giggled. "Oh my, that dog is so ugly it is almost cute!"

"Ummm, Nancy… that dog just spoke words," one of her friends replied.

"Oooh. What is it?" The ladies started to crowd around Gollum.

"Ah, you might not want to get to close. It does bite," Legolas warned.

Gollum hissed and snarled as the women crowded around him.

"Does he have his rabies shots?"

"Rabies?" Loki looked curiously at the woman who had spoken. "What is this rabies that you speak of?"

"You ain't never heard of rabies? Where on Earth are you from?"

"That might be the problem…"

Gollum, nervous at the crowd surrounding him, jumped up on the table of food. Grabbing a handful of what ever was closest to him, he started throwing it at the women.

"Someone call Animal Control!"

"No! Security!"

"CEASE this nonsense!" Thranduil's voice rang out, silencing everyone with his commanding tone. "That is no dog."

"I told you so," one lady said to the woman closest to her. "Too funny looking, even for one of them Shar Pei things."

"No, it looks more like a Snickerdoodle… or was that a Snuffledoodle? You know, one of them mixed poodle breeds."

"Actually, his name once was Sméagol," Thranduil stated. "Now he is called Gollum for those horrid noises he makes. Is there any more champagne? This is making me thirsty."

Kat nodded to one of the ladies who quickly refilled the Elven King's glass.

"Don't you mean Meagle? That cross between a beagle and a min pin," Nancy replied.

"No, that is his name. Or rather, was his name," Thranduil looked down his nose at her. With a huff, he whirled around. "Now are we done with this nonsense?"

"Are you in a hurry to go somewhere?" Kat asked.

Loki shrugged. "Hard to say. All depends."

"Depends on what?" Kat asked.

Without warning, Kat and Loki disappeared.

"Where the hell did they go to? I wasn't done!" Marcus shouted.

"I would imagine we will discover that shortly. Seems to happen without warning," Thranduil replied. His gaze wandered around the room, finally spotting what he was looking for. "Legolas? Would you mind grabbing a few of those bottles?" He pointed to the unopened champagne bottles sitting on a sideboard.

Legolas nodded, handing two to his father as he grabbed two for himself. No sooner had he done so, his father disappeared along with Gollum. Seconds later, Legolas disappeared from the room as well."

"Where are we?" Kat demanded. Staring around, she discovered she was standing in an open meadow, surround by aspen trees. Tall, snow-capped mountains rose up in the distance.

Loki shrugged. "We shall find out soon enough. I wonder if the others will be joining us?"

"What the hell do you mean?"

"Seems to be happening often. Ever since Kurse killed me, or rather, didn't kill me… or…"

Legolas and the others popped into view.

Loki swept an arm around. "Welcome to… here. Wherever here is. Anyone have a clue?"

Kat crinkled her nose up. "Looks like Colorado, or Wyoming, or somewhere out west. How the hell did we get here?"

"Norn express," Loki replied.

"Is that a new airline?" Kat asked.

"Air what?"

Kat was about to respond when three cowboys galloped into the meadow. Racing up to the small group, they stopped their horses inches away from Thor. "Howdy, pardners. Did y'all just git in? Din't know we had more guests a'coming today, but welcome. Sorry we weren't at the bus stop to greet y'all."

"I accept your apology," Thor replied graciously as he struggled to figure out what they were talking about.

"Where are we?" Kat demanded.

"Welcome to the Circle OK Dude Ranch, folks! I'm Whitey, and these two fellers are Bob and Jim. If you don't mind waiting a spell, we can send back to the ranch for a transport for y'all."

"If it is not far, we can easily walk," Thor replied.

Whitey surveyed the group, taking in the elegant clothing of the elves and Loki, the bottles of champagne Thranduil and Legolas bore, and Kat's high heels. "I think it might be best iffin you just wait a spell. Won't take the boys long." He nodded to Bob and Jim who spun their horses around and galloped back the way they had come. "Now, where y'all from?"

"New York," Kat replied. "And… "

"We were recently in Las Vegas," Loki supplied that information. "After attending an event in California."

"So yer from California?" Whitey eyed him suspiciously. "Makes sense, I guess. All kinds of folks live there."

"No, we are not from California. We are from Asgard, and our friends here are from Middle Earth," Thor corrected.

"Middle Bury? England? Can't say as we've ever had any Brits here before."

Thor shook his head. "No, not England. Another place…" before he could finish, a four-wheel drive vehicle came bouncing into the meadow with Bob at the wheel.

"Ah, here comes your ride," Whitey grinned. "We can chat back at the ranch. He wheeled his horse around and galloped off.

Loki looked at his brother. "Welcome to my new life, brother. Rather interesting, is it not?" He did not wait for an answer, but walked to the vehicle and climbed inside. "Coming?" he called out to the others.