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Chapter 34: I'm a Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy!

Thor finished his beer and belched loudly. "Dinner was most excellent. Best I have ever had while traveling."

"It would have been better with champagne," Thranduil complained.

Loki laughed and held out his hand, now holding a bottle. "Shall we have a nightcap?"

Thranduil smiled. "Indeed. I knew I brought my wizard along for some reason."

"Well, actually it is more like they brought you along with me," Loki replied.

Thranduil shrugged. "Either way, you are my wizard once we return to Middle Earth."

"So you intend to keep him with you? What about his life on Asgard?" Thor asked.

"I doubt daddy will miss me, so what is there left for me there?" Loki asked pointedly. "Besides, everyone thinks I'm dead. I will be quite happy to be alive in Middle Earth… especially since they seem to appreciate my skills."

"But…but… I'll miss you," Thor replied.

Loki nodded. "Well, I suppose you could always come to visit me."

"That works!" Thor replied, a grin breaking across his face.

"Well, folks. Sun rises early, so best get some sleep before we hit the trail again tomorrow," Whitey broke in.

"Early? Does it rise earlier here than elsewhere?" Legolas asked.

Whitey scratched his head. "Not sure about that, but we do rise at first light to get moving."

"Interesting, but I do not require much sleep, nor do my kin," Legolas replied, indicating his father and Tauriel in his statement. "I am not certain about my father's wizard, nor his brother, but I do believe I shall take a walk in your forest." His father and Tauriel nodded, indicating their intention to join him on his walk.

"Your choice, just don't go fallin' asleep tomorrow," Whitey said.

Kat stretched her arms over her head. "Well, I for one, am very tired tonight. All this fresh air! I shall turn in. Good night all." She rose and headed to her tent.

"I, too, shall turn in." Sif followed after Kat.

"I suppose sleep would be wise. Loki?" Thor looked at his brother.

Loki nodded. "Indeed. I could use some rest. It has been a rather eventful adventure so far."

The brothers rose and headed towards their tent.

Bob nudged Jim. "Don't know 'bout you, but I'm thinking I might stay up a bit."

Jim blinked. "Why? Ain't ya tired?"

"Course I'm tired, but…" he jerked his head in Thor's direction.

"Oh, yeah," Jim grinned. "I think I'll stay up a bit."

Thranduil, passing the two men, paused. "Why is that?" he asked.

"Oh, you'll see. You might want to sit a spell and listen," Bob replied.

Picking up the champagne bottle, Thranduil noticed there was still some left. "I think I might just do that." He poured himself another glass and sat down to join the two cowboys. "Now, do explain what precisely we are listening for."

"Father? Are you not coming?" Legolas called out.

"I shall join you shortly. I am listening for something at the moment."

Legolas sat down next to him. "What are you listening for?"

Thranduil shrugged. "Bob was about to explain."

"Well, you 'member them beans you had at dinner?" Bob asked.

Jim sniggered.

"Yes? They were, ah, different," Thranduil replied.

"Well, iffin you eat too many, they kinda mess up your innards," Bob explained.

"Mess up your innards?"

"Well, they gives you gas if you eat too many. And remember, we did warn him not to keep eating 'em," Jim added.

"Gas?"

A loud sound, almost like an explosion, erupted from Thor and Loki's tent.

"Erm… like that!" Jim pointed to the tent. "Sounds like he's a tootin'! Didn't take as long as I thought!"

"By the gods, Thor!" Loki shouted. He burst out of the tent holding his nose. "What did you eat?"

Another round of flatulence was the answer Loki received.

"The stench! Seriously, Thor!" Loki closed his eyes as the nauseous smell surrounded him. Waving his hands in an attempt to push the smell away, he trotted away from the tent.

"What?" Thor's head poked out of the tent.

"Can you not smell that?" Loki asked.

Thor shrugged. "I farted. Nothing new."

"I know you farted, but honestly, that has to be the worst smell ever!"

"Is not! You ought to smell yours sometimes."

"That is bad enough to kill a bilgesnipe without a weapon!"

"Would not."

"Would too. I am surprised anyone within fifty miles is still alive after that explosion of…"

Thor let loose with another one. The sides of the tent rippled.

"What is that smell? Is there a skunk out there?" Kat's voice came from her tent.

Sif giggled, clearly having overheard the brothers. "No, I believe that is Thor."

"Thor?" Kat asked as she poked her head out of her tent.

Jim and Bob were laughing hysterically by this time. Hearing the brothers argue, and now seeing that the ladies were now awake simply added to their hilarity. Whitey was trying hard not to laugh. He was attempting to look sternly at his cowboys to quell their mirth, but Thor let rip with another round and Whitey couldn't help it. He started laughing as well.

Thranduil rolled his eyes. "So this is the result of the beans?"

Unable to speak, Jim just nodded.

"Oh, man." Bob finally caught his breath, tears of laughter streaming down his face. "He's a real rootin' tootin' cowboy now!"