Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
"Okay mami, I really have to go now." Santana says as she gazes at her computer screen, her mother on FaceTime to see her daughter.
"Okay, Okay. I won't keep you any longer. Tell Quinn I said hi." Maribel says, smiling brightly.
"I will." Maribel waves at the screen as Santana ends the call. Groaning, Santana sits her laptop on Quinn's coffee table as Quinn comes to sit next to her on the couch, holding a bowl of ice cream.
"This is so fucking weird." Santana says.
"What's weird?" She asks before licking her spoon.
"This. There's a real person in there, growing. It's just...weird." Quinn chuckles, lifting her feet onto the couch and tucking them under herself. Santana glances at Quinn's stomach before returning her gaze to her eyes. Since Quinn is further along than Rachel, her stomach is beginning to protrude but only slightly while Rachel's stomach is still virtually flat.
"It's just how reproduction works." Santana rolls her eyes.
"Can I just be amazed that there's a part of me growing inside you? It may not be your first pregnancy but it is mine." Quinn's face falls and Santana instantly regrets her words.
"I didn't mean to...shit I'm sorry Q." Santana turns towards Quinn as she sits her ice cream on the table in front of her.
"It's fine. You're right, I should let you enjoy being a mother." Quinn says softly before exhaling heavily.
"I shouldn't have brought that up."
"Seriously S, it's okay. I...I know I don't talk about her...but it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I just don't talk about her." Quinn looks to her lap at her hands, watching as a tan one rests on top of hers.
"You know, if you want to talk...I'm here. I should've been there for you when you were pregnant the first time but I was a much bigger bitch back then."
"We both were pretty fucked up back then, but that's in the past. Now, we're both good friends to each other."
"Yeah, maybe too good." Quinn laughs lightly as Santana puts her hand on her baby bump.
"Sometimes...I feel like I shouldn't be moving on with my life. Like, I shouldn't be...starting a family without her in it." Quinn softly admits.
"What you did for her is the same thing you need to do for yourself. You gave her the opportunity to be happy...you deserve one too. You deserve to be happy, to move on and to be a mother. " The tenderness in her words brings tears to Quinn's eyes.
"...I've just felt so guilty for so long..." She gives an exasperated sigh as she blinks away tears.
"You gotta let it go Q. You already did your job as a mother to her and she's fine." Quinn nods her head and they sit in a silence until Quinn leans over to hug to Santana.
"You're really a good friend when you want to be." Santana chuckles as she holds the other woman.
"I'm only being nice because you're pregnant." Quinn rolls her eyes as she returns to her seat.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Quinn says with a shrug, returning to her bowl of ice cream.
"How's Rachel doing?" This is the first time Quinn has seen Santana since she spent the night. While they've talked here and there, it hasn't been about much.
"She's been dying. It's like the kid hates her or something. Everything makes her sick and I mean everything. Yesterday she almost puked on me because my breath made her nauseous." Quinn laughs and Santana rolls her eyes.
"Might wanna see a dentist about that."
"Fuck you. I've been trying to get her to eat but she can't keep anything down." Santana says seriously and Quinn can see the worry on her face.
"Can she eat anything at all? Salty or sweet?" Quinn asks.
"She can keep salty things down for longer periods of time."
"I've been lucky so far and haven't had that yet, but the last time I was pregnant this helped me. Stick with whatever she can keep down, add some ginger and try to snack as much as possible. It's hard as hell to even think about food when you know it's coming back up in 10 minutes but it might help. It should be ending soon enough." Quinn says with a shrug.
"I'll relay the message. Thanks."
"Thank me if it works. Anything else new with Rachel?" Santana looks distant as she sighs softly.
"If you mean, am I still single? Then yeah...I thought maybe this baby would help us y'know? Like yeah, it was unplanned but we were already engaged. I figured maybe she'd see this as an opportunity to move forward..." Santana says sadly.
"Maybe it's really just because I'm pregnant too? Rachel is dealing with a lot from the pregnancy alone but have you ever thought she might be right? About you two just not being what the other needs?" Santana glances at Quinn.
"So we just work on it like anything else." Quinn sighs softly and takes Santana's hand.
"You can't fix something that isn't broken San. If it doesn't fit, you can't force it. I want you to really sit back and evaluate the relationship you two had and be completely impartial. Just pros and cons then tell me if you two can really work through it." Santana rolls her eyes, a scowl settling on her face.
"I thought you were a lawyer, not a shrink." She pulls her hand away and Quinn rolls her eyes.
"You don't get to shut down on me after making me talk about Beth." Quinn silently watches as Santana's face softens.
"...why am I doing this pros and cons shit?" She asks.
"Because right now you're thinking with your heart...or at the very least, the thing between your legs." Santana scoffs causing Quinn to chuckle.
"It was a joke. But you need to see the situation for what it is and use unclouded judgment." Quinn finishes.
"I'm here if you need me." She adds before gently squeezing Santana's hand for good measure.
"If we're going to sit and talk about my feelings. I'm going to need whiskey...and ice cream." Quinn grins as she gets off the couch.
"You're in luck, I just bought both."
Santana watches as Quinn goes into the kitchen to retrieve the items, sighing to herself as she thinks back on the conversation she just had with Rachel.
Flashback
"Am I less nausea inducing now?" Santana has just finished showering after her perfume made Rachel sick. Santana decided to put on some pajama pants and a tank top so that she could lie in bed with Rachel to keep her company.
"I don't really want to smell you to find out. Just lie down...on the far side of the bed."
Nodding, Santana climbs into the bed, lying on the edge opposite of Rachel. Not wanting to make her sick again, she decides to lie with her head at the foot of the bed. Rachel sighs heavily, tugging the blanket under her chin. Santana smiles softly at the burrito Rachel has made herself into as she props her head up on her closed fist.
"How are you feeling right now?" Rachel briefly glances at her before answering.
"I'm currently fine other than my constant hunger." Santana nods.
"I really wish I could do something."
"Like switch positions? Because I wish I could transfer this baby to your body right now." Santana chuckles until she notices the glare Rachel is sending.
"I thought that was a joke...I'd take it if I could. I hate seeing you so miserable."
"I'm not exactly a fan of being so miserable." Rachel says softly, closing her eyes.
"On the plus side, we get a kid at the end of it."
"I'm not sure that's such a positive thing given our situation." Santana's eyebrows furrow.
"What situation?" Rachel peaks open her eyes to look at Santana.
"Our child is going to grow up in a broken home. That's not what I want for them."
"So, why don't we just get back together? I see a very simple solution here." Rachel sighs softly, closing her eyes again.
"I'd rather our child grow up in a broken home than an unstable one. We can't keep doing this back and forth with our relationship."
"I agree, so I suggest we just get married like we planned."
"Santana...you and I both know that's not a good idea." Rachel responds.
"Do you just not love me anymore?" Santana questions quietly, fearing the response. Rachel lifts her head to look into Santana's eyes.
"I will always love you Santana and I'm still in love with you but we're just not compatible. You know there's things we just can't compromise on. This is hard for me too but...we need to move forward." Santana looks at Rachel, wishing she could find a reason, any reason to convince Rachel to stay and fight for her...but she can't. No matter how many reasons she gives, Rachel continues to stick by her decision.
"Okay...I'll be in the living room if you need anything." With that, Santana is up and out of the room before Rachel can utter another word.
End
Since their breakup, Santana has been so worried about Rachel that she hadn't really given herself time to process her loss. Sure, she'd opened up to Quinn about her feelings but she's barely had any time to be alone with her thoughts. Taking Quinn's advice, Rachel found herself being able to manage her morning sickness so Santana decided she needed some space. So for the last week, she's been staying with Quinn but continues to check in with Rachel at least a few times a day.
In the last week, Quinn has noticed Santana disappearing into herself. She's been snappy, irritable and has barely said more than a few words to Quinn that didn't pertain to their baby. Knowing Santana is dealing with her emotions, Quinn has been giving her space but it's hurting her to see Santana so down and in her own head. The most Quinn has heard from Santana is when she sits on the couch, softly singing the same song to herself until she begins to cry. Quinn wants to comfort her, to hold her but Santana needs to get it out so that she can move on.
After much thought, Quinn decided that maybe today will be the day she tries to at least mildly comfort Santana. On her way home, she stopped by one of Santana's favorite restaurants for dinner and bought her some candy hoping they can at least eat together. Walking through the front door, Quinn glances at Santana who's sitting on the couch, headphones in and singing that same song.
"'Cause livin' ain't livin' without you. I'm here, but I'm not really here." Quinn sighs, locking the door and walking into the kitchen as she continues to listen to Santana sing.
"And if lovin' will be lovin' without you, then I know I don't wanna love again. Cause nothing ever feels the same and I'm sure as hell I'm the one to blame." Sitting the food down, Quinn carefully walks into Santana line of sight, to not scare her.
Santana glances at her briefly before closing her eyes. Quinn sighs softly, sitting next to her and quietly listening until she finishes. She loves listening to Santana sing but she does wish the woman was singing for a happier reason. Santana continues to stare straight ahead as the song ends so Quinn grabs one of her headphones. Quinn doesn't say anything as Santana watches her put it in her ear.
"What are you doing?" Quinn shrugs and Santana rolls her eyes. Together, they silently sit listening to another song and another until Quinn speaks.
"Can I pick a song?" Santana turns her head towards her.
"Only songs from this album." Santana says before handing Quinn her phone. Looking over the song titles, Quinn picks one and Santana groans as it begins.
"What?" Quinn questions.
"It had to be a love song. Fuck love." Quinn rolls her eyes.
"Just let me listen to the damn song." Santana now rolls her eyes but doesn't say anything as the music plays. Once the song ends, Quinn turns to Santana.
"I really like that one."
"Why?" Santana asks with a raised eyebrow.
"You can tell she's really...happy. It's short and sweet but you get the point. She's in love, on cloud nine. It's the kinda love that...you didn't expect, especially after being hurt and that's why she's so happy. Because she never thought she'd feel that way again and the best part is that she doesn't want it to end."
"Yeah well she sounds delusional to me. That feeling never lasts." Santana says dryly.
"It can with the right person. When you find someone who really gets you and loves all that you are, that feeling definitely doesn't dull."
"Like you'd know." Quinn sighs lightly.
"I've felt it before...it just wasn't returned."
"You're only proving my point. It only lasts until the other person decides they don't want to be with you. Then you're stuck trying to figure out where things went wrong, was it your fault, what you could have done differently..." Santana trails off with shaky breath, her eyes filling with tears.
"Why...why can't love just be enough?" Santana's bottom lip quivers as she chokes out her words.
Tears of pain and grief roll down her cheeks as she stares at Quinn, hopelessly. Seeing Santana like this ignites a fire deep within Quinn, anger threatening to overtake her but the need to hold the other woman is much too powerful. Pulling Santana into her arms, Quinn holds the broken woman as tightly as she can, feeling the vibration of her gut wrenching sobs wracking her body.
Quinn wants to kill Rachel at the moment but she knows that's pointless. She's powerless. There's nothing she can do or say that will stop the pain Santana is feeling and that's what actually infuriates her, not that Rachel left her. All she wants is for her friend to be happy and she loves her enough to accept that Santana may find happiness in Rachel's arms instead of her own.
Though, she doesn't necessarily want that to happen. Santana is too fragile and blinded by her own pain to see Quinn. To see that she can make her happy too if just given the opportunity. Quinn rubs Santana's back until her breathing evens but doesn't attempt to break their contact. Sniffling, Santana pulls back to wipe her eyes glancing to see Quinn giving her a small smile.
"Feel better?" She asks and Santana sighs heavily.
"No..." Quinn frowns slightly.
Santana isn't going to feel better...or at least that's how she feels. She screwed up and now there's no way to fix it.
"I got you some food. How about we go lie down and binge watch something until our eyes bleed?" Santana shrugs halfheartedly.
"Go get comfortable and find something to watch. I'll be in there soon." Santana doesn't say anything as she stands, slowly making her way to Quinn's bedroom with her head hung low. Softly sighing to herself, Quinn goes into the kitchen.
"I can't believe you've never seen Stranger Things. Like, how do people like you actually exist?" Santana says, positioning herself onto her side.
"I...don't even know how to respond to that. I mean I'd heard of it. Didn't think it would be that interesting."
"That's because you have no taste and I'm officially embarrassed that we're even friends." Quinn rolls her eyes from her spot behind Santana, lying in the same position.
"I just watched almost two whole seasons of this with you. That's gotta count for something." Quinn responds but only gets a shrug in response.
Quinn watches as Santana shifts, her body moving towards Quinn and she smirks to herself knowing exactly where this is going. Santana likes to be held a lot more than she'll admit and she doesn't exactly like having to ask for it and Quinn gets that. Sometimes Santana is more non-verbal than verbal and while that's easy for Quinn to pick up on, it had been an issue for Rachel. Right now, everything almost feels surreal to Santana. She lost her fiance and is becoming a mother of two all at once. It's a lot to process so right now all she wants to do is lie in bed and be held.
"How early do you need to be up tomorrow?" Santana asks as she moves her pillow near Quinn's.
"Think I might call in sick." Quinn jumps at how fast Santana's head turns to her.
"Are you okay? Is it the baby?" Santana's eyes widen slightly and Quinn chuckles.
"Yeah, I'm fine. The baby is fine. I just think I've earned a day off." Santana's gasps dramatically, her jaw dropping.
"Quinn Fabray is taking a day off? Hell must've frozen over." Quinn's eyes narrow as Santana chuckles.
"Shut up. You should stay with me. We could do something." Quinn says as she presses her body against Santana's. Placing her leg over Santana's, she rests her head on her side while tucking her fingers under Santana's side, her palm resting against her stomach.
"Something like what?" Santana asks.
"Anything. Whatever you want. We can figure it out tomorrow." Santana nods, melting into Quinn's embrace.
"...Thanks. For...being here." Santana says softly, turning her head slightly to face Quinn. Quinn lifts her head, resting her chin on Santana's shoulder.
"I live here." Quinn grins as Santana rolls her eyes.
"You don't have to thank me. I'll always be there if you need me." Quinn smiles softly. Santana gives a short nod before turning her head back towards the television.
"This is definitely not what I had in mind when you asked me to do something." Santana says as she eyes the cribs in the furniture section of the store they're in. Quinn and Santana had went to breakfast then to the movies before Quinn convinced her to go to the mall. They stumbled across a store for babies and since they are expecting, Quinn thought maybe they should look around.
"It's not like we're not going to spend a lot of time in stores like these. We need...a lot." Quinn says, walking near a rocking chair.
"Yeah, but isn't that what baby showers are for? Speaking of, when exactly do you have those things?" Santana's nose scrunches as she walks towards Quinn.
"Normally closer to the due date, but I don't want a baby shower."
"Why not?" She asks as she continues following Quinn.
"It's too much of a hassle for things I can just get myself."
"But it's also one of the last times you get to have any fun before this thing is here and screaming its head off at four in the morning."
"You're going to stop calling my child an it or a thing." Quinn glares at Santana over her shoulder who just shrugs.
"We don't know what it is yet, what am I supposed to say?" Rolling her eyes, Quinn continues walking.
"Them and or, they." Quinn states plainly.
"Did you just come out as nonbinary for them?" Santana smirks.
"Sure, until they can tell me otherwise." Santana shakes her head lightly as Quinn walks towards the strollers.
"Have a baby shower with Rachel." She continues.
"We could have a joined baby shower."
"I'll...pass."
"Oh come on Q, we should have some fun with this pregnancy. Is it that you really don't want to do it or is it your guilt?" Quinn sighs heavily but doesn't respond.
"Q..." Santana softly calls out. Quinn stops near a stroller and Santana grabs her hand, earning her attention.
"Q...what's up?" Quinn shakes her head and Santana sighs.
"Obviously I was right about the guilt. You can't keep punishing yourself and I'm not going to let you keep doing this." Quinn drops Santana's hand, taking a few steps away from her, appearing to be interested in a stroller. Santana rolls her eyes as she walks behind her, gently wrapping her arms around her neck and placing her head against Quinn's.
"We're having a baby shower to celebrate the life we created together. With our friends and family and you are going to sit there and enjoy it even if I have to tie your ass to a chair." Santana tells her.
Quinn sighs again, silently processing Santana's words. She knows she should be happy to bring another child into this world, and she is but it brings up all her unhealed wounds from having to say goodbye to her first child. Quinn appreciates Santana trying to help but even she doesn't understand how hard this is for Quinn. It may have been 10 years ago but sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday...but Santana is right. She can't spend the rest of her life living with this regret and guilt because now there's another child who needs her and she won't fail them. After a long silence, Quinn gently places her hand on Santana's arm.
"One condition."
"Name it."
"You do all the planning and I just get to show up." Santana rolls her eyes.
"Fine, but I'm smashing a cake in your face." Quinn turns to her, a bemused expression on her face.
"That's at weddings." Santana shrugs.
"I don't care." Santana lets her arms fall at her sides as she steps away from Quinn. As Santana moves away, Quinn notices a small, older woman with winter white hair staring at them with a warm smile. Wanting to be polite, Quinn smiles back at the woman.
"I didn't mean to stare." The woman says as she moves closer. Santana notices the woman for the first time and watches her curiously.
"You two are just...such a sweet couple! I can just see the love! Is this your first?" Quinn's hand instinctively rests on her belly.
"Yeah but-" Santana's words are cut off as the woman excitedly clasps her hands together.
"Oh! I remember when Henry and I had our Jacob. That boy was such a handful but he turned out well. Congratulations on your little one. A little piece of advice, appreciate everyday because they grow up in the blink of an eye." The woman offers them one more smile before walking past them and into an aisle.
"Why is her old ass in a baby store? No way she's popping anything out of that oven other than dust bunnies." Quinn slaps Santana's shoulder, earning her a glare from the woman.
"That's someone's grandmother. Have some respect." Santana rolls her eyes.
"Yeah. Great, great, great grandmother." Quinn rolls her eyes now.
"What was that about anyway? Why are old people so weird?"
"Why are you such a bitch? The world may never know. Now, come on. I want to look at breast pumps." Santana doesn't say anything as she follows Quinn down an aisle.
"Shoot me, please? I have to do this shit twice? Better idea. Why don't you and Rachel do this together and I can do...literally anything else."
"Why do you keep trying to put us together? We're not sister wives because you need an instruction manual on condom usage." Quinn says distractedly as glances at the demo pumps.
"My baby mamas need to interact plus I figured if you do it...I don't have to add another reason to want to shoot myself." Santana sighs softly as she stops in front of a display of bottles.
Quinn glances at her, giving a sympathetic smile before gingerly nodding. If Santana wants her to help Rachel just so she doesn't have to see her as often, it won't kill her to help out.
"I'll see if she wants to go but it won't be anytime soon. Is it really that hard to be around her?"
"Would you want to be around the woman who broke your heart?" Quinn almost laughs at the irony.
"I don't think you really want to know. If it's that hard for you, why not move in with me? Until you can find your own place that is." Quinn offers.
"You'd want me to be your roommate?" Santana questions and Quinn shrugs.
"I don't see why not. You're there all the time and have a key. Might as well make it official." Santana's shoulder quickly rise and fall as she contemplates the offer.
"...Let me think about it." Quinn nods before returning to her previous activities.
Santana isn't sure what to do next. Rachel was supposed to her end...her one...but if she isn't, then who is? She doesn't actually believe in people having a soulmate or anything like that but things felt right with Rachel. While she doesn't regret any time she spent with Rachel, Santana wishes she didn't have to hurt so much now that it's over. It would be easier if they had a clean break but this baby just complicated everything.
Santana is actually really excited to be a mother, though it was unexpected. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't also terrified but she feels secure knowing her children's other mother will be there to help. It's a little weird that she's having a kid with Quinn. They have really great sex and Quinn is one of her best friends but Santana never pictured them with a baby.
"Do you think we'll be good parents?" Santana asks, looking up at Quinn. She's lying with her head in Quinn's lap as they sit on the couch because Quinn wouldn't move when she told her she wanted to lie down.
"I have no idea but I hope so."
"Did you ever think we'd be parents to the same kid?" Quinn chuckles lightly at the question as she lightly scratches Santana's scalp.
"Can't say I...expected it." Quinn responds, knowing that it isn't a total lie.
Quinn is still coming to terms with having another child but she can't say she isn't happy it's with Santana. In a perfect world, Quinn saw them together for as long as absolutely possible and being a mother to all of Santana's children but she never thought it would be a reality. She was sure that Santana would end up with Rachel somehow but she's never been happier to be wrong.
"You're a much better partner than Puck though."
"Obviously. That loser will forever and always be an asshole." Santana says with a roll of her eyes.
"He had his moments." Quinn says with a small shrug.
"Whatever but anyway, I definitely didn't see you being my baby mama but I could've done worse." Santana smirks.
"Quit calling me that."
"And if I don't?" Santana raises an challenging eyebrow.
"You really don't want to mess with a pregnant woman." Quinn warns, quickly glancing down at her.
"Good point." Quinn smirks as she continues to look at the TV in front of them.
"So, if I move in here...how long do you think it'll be before we kill each other?" Quinn chuckles.
"Move in and find out."
"You must be really fucking lonely to invite me to live with you." Quinn shrugs.
Loneliness is definitely not the reason Quinn wants Santana to live with her. While she understands Santana is dealing with her break up and two pregnant women, she still isn't going to waste her opportunity to show Santana she's interested.
"I'm kind of happy your having my kid though...I think we'll be fucking awesome parents." Santana says after a brief pause.
"You're happy we're having a baby?" Quinn's eyebrows crease. She never thought Santana was happy about it but just accepted it. Quinn knows Santana is excited about being a mother in general because she doesn't hide it but she never would've guessed that her involvement would make Santana happy.
"Duh, I mean I'm happy about both of them but this one has a 50/50 shot of having your eyes."
"Wait, you're happy the baby is with me or that they'll look like me?"
"Both. I'm having a kid with my best friend who also happens to have gorgeous eyes that could be passed down. Keep up Fabray." Santana says with a light laugh and Quinn rolls her eyes.
"Shut up and watch TV."
"You just want me to stop talking so you take nap number twelve of your daily twenty." Quinn rolls her eyes again before yawning. Santana chuckles but doesn't respond, deciding to watch TV like Quinn suggested.
A/N: Hopefully that was good and hope everyone is taking care of themselves and their loved ones. Stay healthy, stay safe and I'll see you soon.
Song San was singing: Living by Sinead Harnett
Song they were talking about: Be The One by Sinead Harnett