Chapter 44: Is that a Fly in my Mushroom?

"Loki, they do not know you enough to understand you would be the worst thing for this… ah… world," Sif retorted at Loki's comment.

Loki's looked at her, his face pure innocence. "Me? What have I ever done?"

"Loki," Thor growled.

"What? You heard Thranduil, he wants me to stay and be his wizard," Loki replied.

"You are no more a wizard than I am a…"

"Super hero? Saved Earth from his crazy brother," Tony quipped. "He's a super hero."

Thor frowned, uncertain if he was being made fun of or not. Then realized Tony had called his brother crazy. "He is not crazy… but he is adopted."

"Thor!" Frigga snapped. "I thought we went over that years ago. He is your brother, and you were adopted too."

"Excellent!" Tony exclaimed. "It makes it entirely possible then for one to be crazy and the other not! The question now is, which of you is the crazy one?" Tony cocked his head to one side, waiting for one of them to respond.

"Well, it certainly is not me," Loki replied.

"I concur," Thranduil added. "You shall not call my wizard crazy. Doesn't look good for a king to have a crazy wizard." He took a sip of his champagne.

Tauriel stifled a laugh. Thranduil just glared at her. Ducking her head to avoid his look, she realized she was still holding a bottle of champagne. "Anyone else want any?" she quickly offered.

"I suppose I could try some. What exactly is it?" Rosie inquired tentatively.

"It is a sparkling wine, made from grapes," Tony stated as he picked up one of the bottles to inspect the label more closely. "Ah, a good variety. From France… a Krug Grand Cuvee… one of the best in my opinion." He glanced over at Sif and Tauriel. "And you just … ah… lifted this from the racetrack?"

"Lifted?" Sif looked at him, clearly confused.

"I think he means that you stole it," Sam said.

"It was given to us!" Sif replied.

"Sort of… "Tauriel added. "They did tell us to enjoy the food."

"And they did not specify that we had to leave it there."

"Heaven forbid that you forget to bring champagne!" Tony mocked. "What would you do without it?"

Thranduil looked down his oh-so-elegant nose at the billionaire. "We have many fine wines here in Middle Earth. It is just different, and I happen to like it."

"So, this Middle Earth… is it part of Midgard?" Frigga asked.

"No, mother. It is another realm!" Loki said excitedly. "When I was killed… or not killed. still not sure on that part, I woke up here. Really nice place," his arm swept at the expanse around them. "Nice people, well… except for the orcs," he nodded towards the elves and the hobbits. "What more could a wizard ask for?"

"Do stop calling yourself a wizard!" Thor demanded.

"And who here can do magic?" Loki looked at him.

Thor frowned, not having a response to that.

"Therefore, I am a wizard," Loki pronounced. "And I am staying here. You can go back and do your super hero stuff without me."

"Maybe…" Sif giggled. "So far we've not stayed anywhere very long."

Loki glared at her.

"Enough arguing. Let us enjoy this fine meal with our new friends," Frigga broke in. She looked over the spread before her, noticing there were plenty of fruits, cheeses, and vegetables. And a huge container filled with some greyish-brown things. "What are those?"

Rosie followed her gaze, and grinned. "Farmer Maggot's prize mushrooms!"

"Best in the Shire!" Sam added. "Do try some."

"What precisely is a mushed room?" Frigga inquired, clearly confused. She tentatively selected one out of the container and peered quizzically at it. "Seems a rather odd name for a funny looking thing."

"No, not a mushed room, a mushroom," Rosie corrected her politely. "They are an edible fungus."

"Fungus? You eat fungus?" Loki asked, aghast at the thought.

"These are edible, and quite tasty too!" Sam took a bite of one as he spoke. "And Farmer Maggots are indeed the best!"

"Wait… the farmer's name is Maggot?" Tony asked.

"Yes," Sam beamed. "Fine family, do you know him?"

"Ah… no. You do know what maggots are, right?" Tony asked.

"Farmers," Sam grinned.

Tony shook his head, making a face that clearly expressed his distaste of the thought of maggots. "Maggots are creepy, crawly things… baby flies – well rather fly larvae, but they feed on dead stuff."

"So, this Farmer Maggot eats dead stuff?" Sif looked appalled at the thought.

"No, no, no. He grows turnips and mushrooms. Finest in the land," Sam replied, holding out a mushroom to Tony. "Try one."

"No thanks, I shall pass. The thought of maggots just makes my stomach turn," Tony waved him off.

Frigga peered at the mushroom she was still holding. "Well, it does not appear to have any flies or dead matter upon it. Looks rather clean." She sniffed it. "Interesting smell…" she took a tentative bite and chewed thoughtfully. "It is different, I can't say I've ever had anything like it before. Thor? Loki? Care to try one?"

Loki picked on out of the container. "I suppose, since I intend to live here, I ought to try the local food." He took a huge bite. "Interesting…"

Tauriel quickly refilled Loki's champagne glass. He looked at her questioningly. She grinned. "In case you need to wash it down."

"Ah… wasn't that bad actually." Loki admitted.

"I concur," Frigga added. "Mushrooms are quite tasty." She reached into the container and took a few more.

"You are welcome to remain here with me Mother," Loki offered. "No need to return to Asgard."

"You are not staying here," Thor stated. "You must return to face the consequences of your actions… from before."

"I thought we'd agreed that if I helped you with your lady-love and her problems with the Aether she decided to collect, you'd let me free," Loki replied.

"That was not the arrangement!" Thor boomed. "I only let you out…"

"Because you did not want to listen to Father," Loki finished before his brother could.

"Father did not understand!" Thor shouted back.

"And besides, I was killed helping you. Our plan failed!" Loki shot back.

"Well, I did eventually get the Aether back… sort of," Thor replied.

"Super hero stuff?" Tauriel asked with a smile.

Thor frowned, again not sure if he was being made fun of. "Jane and her friends helped. We got the Aether back from Malekith, who is now dead, and gave it to the Collector to hold."

"Wait? You gave that stuff to who?" Loki asked him. "And are you sure he's dead? I'm not and neither is Mother so he might still be alive as well." He did a quick scan of the meadow they were in. Satisfied he didn't see him, he settled back down to sampling the food as he waited for Thor to answer.

"I… don't know," Thor considered the last question first.

Loki shrugged. "Right, so I'm staying here. I'm not going back and you can't make me. And I still can't believe you gave away that stuff to the Collector."

"I agree. Why ever did your father allow that?" Frigga asked. "He's not exactly known to be completely honest. I met him once and was not impressed. Rather odd fellow."

"That's putting it mildly," Loki muttered.

"Who is this Collector person? Is he a wizard too?" Thranduil interrupted.

"Not exactly sure who… or what the Collector is, but he collects things, LOTS of things," Loki replied. "A weird sort of man, and now he has the Aether. Why didn't you just give him all the stuff Daddy has in his trophy room?"

Thor stared at Loki. "You ought to know better than that! We felt it best not to keep the Aether anywhere near the Tesseract. So Father felt it best to have the Collector hold the Aether."

"Hmmm… sounds interesting. Any chance you could introduce me?" Tony asked Thor. "He might have some things I could use, you know… saving the world type things? And what all does your dad have in his trophy room? Any chance I could get a peek in there? I mean, next time we visit of course."

"And that can happen any time soon…" Tauriel giggled. "Not saying that we'd all be going there the way things keep happening, but who knows."

"I have decided I am staying here, so…" Loki looked up to the sky. "Please, I am quite content here. May I remain?"

"Tempting fate, aren't you? Asking them to let you stay in one spot? I think they are having too much fun bouncing us all over the place," Sif stated.

Loki shrugged. "Well, I can always ask. Worse they can do is what… send me somewhere…" he never finished his sentence as he disappeared… again.

"Wait! You cannot take my wizard!" Thranduil shouted, not exactly sure who he was yelling at, but his wizard had just disappeared. And this time he had not gone with him.