Author's note: Thanks to Teggen Zalud for the inspiration for this chapter as they requested a meeting between Loki and this newest addition to the mess that is this story. A quick reminder that timelines do not exist with this story as the perpetrators of Loki's misadventures can do what they want… and so do I! Just enjoy the craziness in reading it as I do in writing it.

Chapter 49: Here Be Dragons

"Who moved them?" one of the three voice hissed. "They are no longer doing that silly exercise class. I was rather enjoying watching them… "

"You mean the males, admit it?"

"Well… now that you mention it, it is rather nice to see handsome men in skin-tight clothing."

"Ladies! Be-have!"

"We are. Now, who moved them?"

"I did."

"Where now?"

"Oh… you will see. This ought to prove interesting…"

•§•

"Okay, where are we now?" Stark asked the instant he realized that the sidewalks and buildings of a California landscape were noticeably missing. They were now standing near the base of a mountain.

"Lonely Mountain," Tauriel announced as she recognized their location instantly.

"How do you know the mountain is lonely?" Thor asked. He started looking around. "Although considering there are no other mountains around I suppose it might be lonely, but I did not know mountains had feelings and could get lonely."

"It is called Lonely Mountain for the simple fact that it is the only mountain in this area. I did not name it, the men of Lake Town did," Thranduil explained. "We are back in Middle Earth."

"Took you long enough to arrive," Frigga called out from behind them. Everyone whirled around to see that she was seated on a blanket enjoying the sunshine.

"How long have you been here?" Thor asked.

"Oh, a few days, I guess," Frigga replied. "You all raced after those girls and left me behind. I was about to go after you when I suddenly ended up here. Fortunately, your son, "she looked directly at Thranduil, "arrived not long after I did and had made sure I've been entertained until you decided to show up finally. He just headed back into town to obtain some more food. I thought about going with but figured one of us should wait."

"Good thinking. How long ago did Legolas leave?" Thranduil asked. "And I do hope he remembers to pick up some of their famous wine at least. I do wish they made champagne," he added wistfully.

"Maybe we could bring them the recipe?" Loki offered. "And I do believe Legolas is returning." He pointed across the meadow to where the elven prince had just emerged from the forest and was gracefully running across the to meet them.

"Hello Father," Legolas greeted his father as he arrived. "I made a run to Mirkwood… and Lake Town for supplies. Something is a bit off… but I'm not quite sure what."

"This whole thing is a bit off if you ask me," Sif chimed in. "But then, it has been since it all started happening. Loki? How did you start all this?"

Loki shrugged. "I thought I had died… and I ended up here – in Middle Earth. The rest… it just happens. I have no control over it."

"So – it's Middle Earth now… got it. Okay, guess we'd better do a roll call, see who we have lost…or gained," Tony said. He started pointing to each person and calling off their name. "Thranduil, Tauriel, Lady Sif, Loki, Thor, Legolas, and Frigga… I think that is everyone." He paused staring at the mountain in the background. Finally, pointing to the mountain. "What the hell is that?"

"That is Lonely Mountain. I thought we had already ascertained that." Thor rolled his eyes at Stark. "Are you getting old? Starting to forget things?"

"I am not that old. I'm talking about that huge moving section of the mountain… rather gold in color…" His eyes widened as he broke off talking. "And it looks like it is about to take off and fly!"

"That is what I was saying, I think we have gone back in time on this trip," Legolas said. "And… I think we ought to hide for if I am not mistaken, that is Smaug."

"Smog? We just left California… the nation's capital of smog…" Tony started.

"No!" Legolas shouted as he helped Frigga to her feet. "I know not what Smaug you speak of as I saw no dragons in California, but that is Smaug the dragon. He is not overly friendly." He started to lead Frigga and the others towards the treeline. "We might be safe in there, but if we stay in the open… we're toast!"

"Smog…as in smoke and fog… like pollution!" Tony started running after him, guessing that the event required a level of panicked running as the other denizens of Middle Earth had also started racing to the trees. He noted that the Asgardians remained standing in the center of the meadow. "Come on! This way!"

"I run from no one!" Thor bellowed. "I am Thor, God of Thunder!" He lifted his hammer skyward

"That's a flipping dragon!" Tony shouted over his shoulder, almost at the treeline he glanced upwards to see the dragon flying overhead. A burst of flames erupted from its' mouth. "A fire-breathing one too!"

Loki suddenly disappeared.

"LOKI!" Thor shouted as a second dragon appeared in the sky. This one was black as the night, with emerald green eyes, and lines of gold were edging each of his scales. The second dragon flew straight at Smaug.

Thor watched in fascination as the two dragons began circling overheard, clearly sizing one another up. It appeared that they were communicating, though he did not know how dragons talked to one another.

"Where's Loki?" Thranduil shouted from the shelter of the trees.

Thor just pointed up at the two dragons.

"Yes, I see there are two dragons now. But where the hell is your brother?" Tony added.

Frigga pointed up at the black dragon. "Right there. That has to be his best transformation to date. Has he been practicing while I was… ah… dead?"

•§•

"Found them!" a voice shouted with glee. "Oh my! Smaug? Seriously? What were you thinking?"

"Or not thinking? A dragon, and not just any dragon, but that one. He is quite dangerous," the second voice added.

"I think Loki can hold his own…"

"Did you know Loki could do that?" the first voice shrieked. "He has turned himself into a dragon."

"I can see that, sister," the one who had sent Loki back to Middle Earth replied smugly. "And of course I knew. Haven't you paid any attention to his antics on Asgard? He's quite good at transformations. Although I must admit, this is the best one yet. He makes a rather handsome dragon, don't you think?"

"He makes a quite handsome anything…" the second voice murmured.

•§•

As Loki flew closer to Smaug, he noted the jewel-crusted scales adorning the dragon. For a brief second, he almost wished he had thought to add something to that effect, then decided he probably was better off showing up as a more modest dragon. Although… his glance swept along his magnificent wings, the gold touches were excellent.

Smaug, taking note of the new dragon, began to circle warily around Loki. Loki ducked his head, advising the other dragon that he respected his space, and more importantly - his authority.

"Who are you?" Smaug asked.

"Loki, of Asgard, although I am not usually a dragon I figured it might be best if I greeted you as one. I must say, I am rather enjoying the flight. It must be nice being a dragon."

Smaug rumbled; the sound resembling a laugh. "Indeed it is Loki of Asgard. I am Smaug the Magnificent. What are you really, if not a dragon?"

Loki's head snaked towards the ground where the remainder of his party was standing. "Like them."

Smaug looked down at the group, noting it contained elves and men. "Hmmm, no dwarves that I see. Elves and men. You are one of them?"

"Yes," Loki admitted. "Though I must say, I rather like this form."

"You can change your shape? Smaug asked, attempting to hide the surprise from his voice. "Are you a wizard?"

Loki laughed, although it sounded more like a roar since he was a dragon, and it included a burst of flames. "Thranduil, the tall, slender blond one, believes I am his wizard. I am the God of Mischief where I come from, so I can do many little tricks. Shape-shifting is just one of them."

"You are a God?" Smaug asked, openly skeptical of that statement.

"The humans, from Midgard, believe us to be gods. We just happen to live a long time and have powers they do not, so I suppose that does make us gods… or wizards if you prefer to think of me that way. The other blond is my brother – he is, Thor, the God of Thunder."

"I heard him shout that when I appeared. I wondered what he was about. Can he shape-shift?" Smaug asked.

"No, but he has a few tricks up his sleeve. Good in a battle as well," Loki added.

"Hmmm… so what is your reason for coming here? To my mountain?" Smaug inquired.

"Well, that is my problem. I thought I had been killed when I was helping my brother a while back. But then I landed here, in Middle Earth. Someone… probably three someones if I am guessing correctly, had determined my fate is not to die, but to send me bouncing around the universe at their will to where-so-ever they decide to drop me off. It has been quite the adventure. So that is how I arrived here. I was just finishing a yoga class on Earth when we arrived here."

Smaug considered this carefully before replying. They were continuing to circle above the group on the ground. "Someone is controlling you?" he finally asked.

"Well, only where I go to. Not what I do," Loki replied. "For example, I still have my powers as I was easily able to transform into a dragon to properly greet you."

"I do appreciate that. I would have killed all of you otherwise," Smaug replied grimly.

"Somehow, I don't think that would have happened. My overseers would have lost their current form of entertainment," Loki replied, laughter tinging his voice as he was fairly certain the ones behind his endless adventures were enjoying what was transpiring at each change of locale. A thought occurred to him. "Perhaps you might be able to assist me."

"Me? How could I help you?" Smaug asked, although quite pleased that this being thought he would be able to assist him.

"Well, you being the magnificent dragon you are, if you were to join my companions, they might be less likely to move us around so much," Loki stated.

Smaug considered this as he dove slightly towards the earth, the soared upwards. Finally, he responded. "I shall consider it."

"Would you like to meet my companions?" Loki offered.

"Indeed, and I shall not kill them unless they anger me," Smaug agreed.

"I shall advise them of that," Loki dove down towards earth.

•§•

"You mean, tha-that-that's your son? Loki?" Tony spluttered, slowly leaving the shelter of the woods to speak with them.

"He is a magnificent wizard," Thranduil pronounced as he joined them. "MY wizard, I shall remind you."

"I do not know if he has been practicing. And yes, that is Loki. And I will admit that he is good at this, but I don't know that he is your wizard," Thor replied to each in turn.

"Well, you may not have him back. He remains in Middle Earth," Thranduil stated firmly. "What else can he transform into, although the dragon is rather magnificent. I highly doubt he can top that."

"He has turned into a snake before, which is sort of like a dragon… I like snakes by the way, and then once he turned into a frog. That was rather funny," Thor laughed.

Frigga joined him in his merriment. "Indeed, it was. Your father was so surprised when he hopped into his dinner. He almost speared him with his fork, but then Loki transformed back into himself and the entire table collapsed! Food flew everywhere!"

"Oh, look!" Tauriel shouted to get their attention. "They are landing in the meadow. Do you think it is safe to approach them?"

"With Loki?" Thor shrugged. "One never knows."

The two dragons were circling one another again now that they were on firm ground, clearly eyeing one another. One of them rumbled, Thor thought it was Loki, but he couldn't entirely be sure. Finally, they both settled and faced the group.

"I think they want to talk to us," Sif whispered.

"I think they can hear you," Tony whispered back.

Sif shot him a look. "Seriously?"

"Well, we're only about a hundred yards away. I would imagine they can hear us," Tony pointed out.

"Indeed, we can," Smaug stated. "I am Smaug, the Magnificent. Loki has told me of your travels. I shall allow you to live, but only because he has asked it of me. Unless you anger me, of course."

"Well, that's magnanimous of you," Tony quipped. "Not that we have much choice in the matter, but…"

"You can speak to one another?" Thor asked Smaug. "I mean, obviously, but I wasn't aware my brother spoke dragon."

"Indeed," Loki's voice came from the black dragon. "There is much you don't know about me." He transformed back into his normal form. "Smaug is interested in helping us…"

"Uh, sorry to ask this, but how can a dragon help?" Sif asked. "I didn't think you had any control over what was going on."

"I do not, but I feel if he sticks with us, it might slow down the moving process. He is rather large," Loki said.

Tauriel was staring at the dragon in wonder. "Legolas? You said something earlier, something about things not being right. Could this be it? I mean, Smaug was destroyed," she stopped speaking, swallowing hard as she realized she was talking about the death of the dragon.

Smaug's eyes flashed. "Destroyed? None can destroy me!" He lifted his head up and stretched his wings, belching a stream of fire into the air.

"What year is it? Does anyone know?" Tauriel asked.

"I think that is what I thought was off. When I went into Lake Town, it was different… an earlier version that I remembered from my youth," Legolas answered.

"Your youth? How old are you?" Stark asked.

"I have lived for over 2900 of your earth years," Legolas replied.

"You don't look a day over 1000," Stark grinned. "I gotta ask, what do you use for your hair? Must be what makes you look so young."

Thor and Loki exchanged a laugh.

"Hey! What? What did I say that was so funny?" Stark glared at them.

"We're both a bit over 1000, although I am the elder," Thor replied.