5. I wanted to
After dinner Lady Phillips decided she had done her part and retired to bed. This left the young people to converse among themselves. Lord Wilson paid attention only to Sarah.
"You spent time in the colonies, how unique for a lady." He said.
"Indeed, some might find it strange, but my mother is friends with Dr. Benjamin Franklin and he promised to look out for me so she allowed it. I'm glad she did. America is," she glanced at James who was eagerly waiting for her to finish her thought, "well it is completely incomparable to any other place."
"I'm not much fond of revolutions." Lord Wilson stated.
"I felt the same when I first arrived. But then you begin to see things through the eyes of the people and suddenly it starts to make sense. Freedom, independence, it's not to be taken for granted." She said.
Well put. James thought.
"Surely though one must measure the cost of freedom. How many people lost their lives that would otherwise be alive? How many of the king's men died fighting to keep the colonies civil? There is a great cost to freedom and as you put it, independence. Perhaps, Sarah, it is not that you agree with the politics of the war but rather the personal implications."
"What do you mean by that?" Sarah frowned.
"You want to be free, independent."
"Who doesn't?" She said.
"The excessively rich." Lord Wilson said.
"The excessively rich are free. Free to do what they want, when they want."
"Are we?" He took Sarah's hand and met her eyes. The shocked her a little. "I was not allowed to write to you directly. I had to write to your mother asking to be invited to meet you, but that's not even the worst of it. If I had met you at a market and fallen madly in love with you but was told you were a shopkeep, well, society would not allow us to be together at all, nevermind writing to your mother."
Henri and Lottie shared a look, that James noticed. He would have to remind his young companion that they were going back to America at the end of the trip. He hoped Henri wouldn't break his heart again.
"I suppose but it isn't really the same-" Sarah was going to make a point but Lord Wilson kept talking.
"How tragic? Two people desperately in love, one rich and one poor, so they are forced apart." He paused, "I don't want freedom from my riches because then I would be restrained from courting you."
James decided he hated this man. That was all. He hated Lord Wilson. He seemed to be very good at courting, too good, as though he had done it before. Sarah deserves better than this guy. James thought.
"How wonderfully thoughtful of you to stay rich so you could court me," Sarah said, removing her hands from his.
Haha, James thought. Bet you feel like a fool, your lordship.
"My point is no freedom is absolute. Even in America, these conventions stand. I'm sure. Paupers don't marry princesses."
"Well, that may be because America doesn't have princesses." Sarah stood. "It has been a lovely evening but I fear I am becoming tired."
Lord Wilson took the hint and stood. At the door he turned back. "Will you be going to the Herrington's ball on Tuesday? It's at their estate in the country. Several of us are staying. I'm sure they could make up a room for you and your cousins should you choose to come." Lord Wilson waved a hand at the others in the room.
"I will ask my cousins," Sarah said and shut the door behind him.
"He certainly likes you," Lottie said, before turning her attention where it had been all evening, back to Henri.
"Uh, I had noticed." Sarah sat next to James. "I'm sorry about earlier." She whispered.
He smiled and whispered back, "Me too. I didn't mean that being friends with you is a problem- I meant being friends sometimes means being afraid of losing that friendship and so it can be hard to say what you're thinking because-well because," he was starting to struggle to find the right words again.
"Because you don't want to lose the other person's good opinion," Sarah said in a hushed voice. She was speaking from experience. James's good opinion meant the world to her. On the couch across from them, Lottie giggled at a story Henri was telling, something about stealing food from a tent at a war camp.
"Exactly." James smiled. He wanted to take her hand but was worried she might withdraw like she had when the lord tried to.
In that moment Sarah wanted to take James's hand. To tell him that she was afraid of losing him by admitting her feelings. That she didn't want to be courted by Lord Wilson, she wanted to be courted by him.
"What if we redo our garden walk?" Sarah suggested, "There is a perfectly lovely garden behind the house and I could do with some air." James nodded. He looked at Henri and Lottie. "Are you going to join us?" He asked.
"No, I think it would be best if I retired. I'm awfully tired." Lottie said and turned to Henri, "today was lovely." She left the room and Henri watched with a puppyish look.
"He used to look at pie like that. When did he grow up?" Sarah asked.
"Every woman he meets, Sarah, he's impossible," James said. Then he addressed the little troublemaker, "Are you coming?" Please say no. I have to speak to Sarah, alone. James thought.
Henri smiled, "I have to write to Monsieur Franklin and Moses. I promised I would keep them informed on everything." He shot a knowing look at James.
Sarah smiled and led James out the back door to a pretty garden with trees and bushes and winding paths lit only by the moon. They began down one such path. After a few moments of quietly walking Sarah had to speak.
"I could never love him." She said.
"And to think he only stayed rich to court you." James laughed.
"Tease all you like, he has his charms." Sarah said. Not this again, She thought, no Lord Wilson isn't charming- at least I don't like him.
"Sure, for a British Lord, he's quite charming." James rolled his eyes, "I mean, heck Sarah if he was courting me..." She nudged him playfully and they kept walking in a content silence.
"The other night," Sarah started but then hesitated.
"I've been thinking about that too." James said and stopped walking. "About what almost happened."
"So you were going to kiss me!" Sarah hadn't meant to say that out loud but there it was. She tried to hide her smile, maybe he wouldn't notice in the moonlight.
"Yes," James admitted, "I wanted to." He stepped towards her, "I still want to." There it was. Even in the dim light, she could see his blue eyes begging her. He was terrified, but so was she. Sarah felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. She stepped towards him so they were very close. She let out a sigh of relief as she touched his should and he smiled. James took her face in his hands and slowly, gently placed the sweetest kiss upon her lips. Sarah could have melted she was so happy.
"Can you imagine what our younger selves would have thought. When we first met I could have never believed that I would kiss a Torry" James laughed.
"Well that Torry would've never wanted to kiss a rebel like you either." She said, poking his chest.
They both laughed and then fell into a tender embrace. Again their lips met, this time with more certainty. James wrapped his arms around her waist and she held his firm shoulders. Several hours passed, and the London cold seemed to have disappeared completely.
They wandered back inside and James escorted Sarah to her room, where he gave her one final kiss before returning to his room.
Henri knew as soon as he saw James. "Finally." He said.
"Yes, yes." James smiled, removing his hair tie and combing through his ponytail. "Do you remember when you had Sarah pretend to be my fiancé?"
"How could I possibly forget that." Henri chuckled.
"I wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure out. I could have been happy with her all this time." James said.
"What matters, my dumb American friend, is that you have figured it out now." Henri laughed and went to bed. James did feel a little dumb that happiness had been right under his nose this whole time but he was so blissfully happy that it didn't seem to matter.