A/N: here is chapter 15. definitely more of a filler chapter than a plot chapter, but I think it is still important so, uhm yes. enjoy :)

It was maybe midnight at a party by my old house. I was in a fitted floor length gown that flared at the ends to be more dramatic. It was a tan color, but had gold sequin lining the skirt and torso of the dress. I wore black heels that complemented the dress perfectly. My hair was in two dutch braids that wrapped my head, flowing perfectly into a low bun. I felt like a queen walking into my palace for an evening out. Unfortunately, I wasn't a queen. I was merely a princess in my sister's shadow, it was her party after all. I walked onto the balcony to get air. When I arrived, I noticed a fair looking young man was already out there, something about him felt familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. He held a flask in his hands, swirling the liquid inside of the metal. When he noticed I walked out there, he offered me a swig. I accepted it without thinking. After handing him back the flask, I started to feel weak in my legs, too much to drink or a drug. I think the latter. I fell to the floor, the flask concoction was getting to me. He looked at me, chuckling. I realized who it was, Thomas Jefferson. I was definitely drugged. He lifted me up off the floor by my neck, my feet couldn't touch the ground. I was powerless and probably going to die. He lifted me over the balcony. 'Any last words?' He snarled at me through his teeth. Before I could say anything, I was dropped off the balcony. The ground was a million miles away instead of one story down. The fall didn't last long because it was all a dream.

When I woke up, I had forgotten that I came home last night and started to freak out. My body tried to jerk up, but Alexander had his arm rested over my waist, so I couldn't move. I couldn't breath, which triggered the tears of feeling trapped. I was sent back in time to high school, but it was because of my husband and a nightmare. I woke him up with sounds of panicked breathing, crying, and the occasional screech. He immediately tried to figure out what was wrong with me, and why I was freaking out. He tried just calming me down by brushing my hair away from my face, but that did little to nothing because his arm was still over me. Alex couldn't figure it out. He sat up, turned on the light, and left the bed to get water for me. When he did, I felt freed from invisible chains that wrapped my helpless body. I could finally breathe correctly. He came back and I was still shaken up, but I was already doing better. My hand clutched my wrist over my heart and I was curled into a ball, breathing really heavy, and I had silent tears running down my cheeks. He sat on the bed, setting the water down on the nightstand, "Hey, Baby. Are you okay?"

I nod. It's a lie, but I can't let him know that him even holding my body caused me to react. I wiped the tears away with one hand, leaving the other against my skin, "Yea, I'm fine. What time is it?"

"3 am." He gave me the water, I took a couple of sips from it, "Are you sure you're okay? I hate to pry, but your little reaction here reminds me of the one I found you in when I went over to Peggy's."

"Just a nightmare." I take another sip over water, "I'm fine."

He scooches over and wraps his arm around my shoulders. Hopefully he can't feel my body tense up under his touch, "Let's talk about it. Maybe it will help calm you down."

"Babe, I really don't want to… it was… traumatic and I just can't put myself through the ringer again." I move out from under his arm and lay back down. My body lays away from him.

"Okay. I love you, Eliza."

"I love you, too, Alexander." He turns off the light and lays down next to me. His back leans against mine. I feel better that way. Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to get hurt? Why did I have to be the one who is damaged? This constant fear of being used for what I am instead of who I am is making living hard for me, but Alex can't know that I can't sleep because of Thomas. Alex can't know that I am falling apart. Alex can't know about why I am breaking apart in skin. If he did, he'd worry too much and then things in the White house wouldn't happen because he is overwhelmed, and I can't do that to my husband.

I decided to deal with stress and not being able to fall back asleep the only way I know how, working. I never used work as an excuse before, but I feel like I should be able to. I carefully crawl over Alexander and out of bed. I grab my phone and quietly tip-toe to my office to work on some projects for Lafayette. He requested that I redo his living room with a more upbeat style. I open my office door and close it quietly. I begin to do some work, putting together colors, working on fabrics, finding some example works, and picking some example art for his walls.

I must have spent at least an hour on this because Alex comes in and asks me groggily, "Eliza? What are you doing?"

I look up alarmed, "Oh, just, uh, working on some design stuff for Laf. What's up?"

"It's 4am, Eliza. You should be in bed. Asleep. With me." He closes the door and sits on one of my many chairs.

I get up, walk over to him, and sit on his lap, "I can't sleep. Too much stuff going on in my head."

"You know," He pulls me closer to him, kissing my neck slightly, "working doesn't get rid of or block out everything you are going through."

"But, I want it to, so bad." I kiss him, "Can you distract me from what's going on up in my head."

He kisses my temple, "Not if what's going on in your pretty mind is what I think it is. If it is, we need to talk so we can work through this."

"Fine." I reluctantly get off of him and sit back down in my office chair, "I had a nightmare, and it was so… real."

"Honey, tell me what happened."

"I was at a party back in my father's house. I dressed perfectly. It was like our wedding night, the dress that I changed into after our reception. I went out onto the balcony to get air, like I did when we first met. There was this eerily familiar guy there. He had a flask, and he offered it to me. I took a swig. I felt weak and I remember falling. Then this man chuckled, it was him, Alex. It was him. He… he lifted me by the throat. Tossed me over the edge of the balcony." I started to pick up my breathing, "But it wasn't that dream that made me panic. It was when I tried to jerk up to calm myself down…"

"You're saying that my arm over your body while we were sleeping led to your panic attack?"

I nod, "I didn't want to tell you that you were part of the problem I had. And it wasn't even you, it was feeling trapped by someone, anyone… I'm sorry, Alex…"

He looks up at me, "You didn't do anything wrong. Thomas did. I am going to call Mr. President right now, we are going to get this over with because it is affecting you knowing that he is out there."

"Alexander. Wait till morning. No need to bug him now. Everything can be done in due time."

"Only for you, Eliza." He gets up and pulls me towards him, "Only for you."

His lips meet mine. I remember that spark that I felt when I first met him. He pulls away, "Let's go back to bed."