Not Backing Down

"Where would she have went?" Dominic sighed with stress, "If she's not with Jude and she's not here… what about Sam's?" He thought suddenly.

"We've just came from Sam's. She's… She's not there." Punk shook his head.

"Oh, hey Dominic." AJ smiled, walking down the stairs as she noticed Dominic standing.

"Hi, April." Dominic nodded, giving her a tight hug.

"Are the kids here?" AJ smiled excitedly.

"They're asleep in the car." Dominic nodded as AJ looked at him, turning to Punk, beginning to notice the not so thrilled look on their faces.

"What's going on?" AJ asked.

"Thea didn't go back to Milwaukee last night." Punk told her, "And she's not at Jude's… or Sam's." Punk said as AJ raised her eyebrows, folding her arms and shaking her head.

"She said she was gonna drive back." AJ said, looking at Dominic, "She said she was going home." She shook her head.

"She didn't." Dominic said, "And whenever I call her or text her, I get no response." He said, "I'm starting to worry a little now. A lot actually. I'm starting to worry a lot." He said.

"I'm sure she's just… crashed at a hotel or something, right?" Punk nodded with assurance, "We'll go look for her." He said, "Bring the kids in here, April will stay with them." He said as AJ nodded.

"Yeah… yeah, ok." Dominic nodded, walking out of the house and over to the car to get the sleeping kids out of the back seat.

"Where would she have went?" AJ panicked, turning to Punk who shook his head.

"I don't know." Punk shook his head, "We'll… We'll find her." He sighed to himself, feeling that horrible uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. A feeling he was beginning to feel too often.

"She was so upset when she left here last night. We should never have let her go-"

"We'll find her." Punk said bluntly, "You just stay here with the kids." He nodded to her, watching as Dominic carried James into the house, Punk and AJ smiling upon seeing their peaceful grandson.

"If Sofia wakes up, I apologise in advance." Dominic said to AJ who just smiled.

"I have experience with little girls, don't worry." AJ nodded as Dominic smiled, walking back to the car and picking Sofia up out of the car, taking her into the house and resting them down on the couch.

"Where do we even start looking?" Dominic shook his head as Punk grabbed his jacket.

"Let's just cover all ground the best we can." Punk said.

"Call me if you find her." AJ sighed to herself as Punk nodded, kissing her on the way out and leaving the house as AJ took a deep breath.

She walked into the living room, looking on at James and Sofia fast asleep, smiling to herself, so happy to see their angel faces after so long, but no good could weigh out the worry she had for her eldest daughter right now.

"Deano!" A barman smiled as Dean walked in, taking his hat off.

"Fucking cold out there tonight, Rico." Dean rubbed his hands together, walking over to the bar.

"Yeah, I think the snow is on its way." Rico nodded, "Usual?"

"Yeah, go on." Dean nodded, sitting up at the bar as Rico poured him a beer, sliding it over.

"How is the mrs?" Rico asked.

"She's all good, man." Dean nodded.

"Heard about the shooting down at the docks." Rico said as Dean nodded.

"Yeah, rough night." Dean said.

"Phil and the family are all good, right?" Rico made sure.

"Yeah, they're all safe." Dean raised his beer as Rico nodded, "You been busy in here tonight?" Dean asked, looking around the bar, pausing for a second as he looked across the bar, noticing a familiar face.

"Not really." Rico shook his head.

"How long has she been here?" Dean whispered, nodding across the bar.

"Half an hour." Rico said, "Been sat staring at the same drink the entire time." He shook his head as Dean nodded to himself.

"Excuse me." Dean nodded, sliding of his bar stool, "T-bag!" Dean exclaimed, walking down the bar as Thea turned around and rolled her eyes, "What you doing here?" He asked her as Thea shrugged.

"Having a drink." Thea said, "You?" She questioned.

"Having a drink?" Dean asked, "Or sitting staring at a drink knowing it'll be the worst thing you do?" He questioned.

"Please, I've had enough lectures and telling off from everyone else. I just want some peace and quiet." Thea shook her head as Dean sat on the stool beside her.

"Why you torturing yourself?" Dean shook his head, "I mean we got… donut shops and coffee shops all over the city." He said.

"You have no idea how hard it is for me to sit and look at his drink and not be able to touch it." Thea nodded. Just looking at the drink, she could imagine the feeling, the sensation of it going down her throat and making everything, all her problems just go away.

"You're right, I don't." Dean nodded, "But I was there when you were… at your worst." He said, "And I saw what it was like for you." He said, "I mean I… I had to pick you up from your bedroom floor one time." He said, "I know what this stuff does to you."

"I just wish I could take control over it." She shook her head.

"You can. You have. For years now." Dean nodded, "Why are you even here? I thought you were in Milwaukee."

"I was. I came home when I heard about everything and it turns out my entire family hate me." She nodded, "Sad thing is, I don't even blame them. They should hate me."

"They don't hate you." Dean shook his head, "No matter what you think or what they might have said." He said, "This family don't hate each other."

"They're right though. This was my fault. I brought all of this onto everyone. I put my sisters in danger." She shook her head, "My sisters who have always had to suffer because of my actions."

"You mean those sisters who love you no matter what? Those sisters who would do anything for you?" Dean asked as Thea turned to him.

"Jude had a gun to her head." Thea looked at him, "I welcomed that into their lives. This was on me. This was my past, my mistakes following me and I just… I ran away." She shook her head, "I just ran away and left them to deal with it all."

"That's not what you did. No one thinks that's what you did. You were scared." Dean said.

"Cassie and Jude think it." Thea nodded, "I'm just sick of being the one everyone has to worry about." She shook her head, "Sometimes I just wanna drown in this." She nodded, lifting her drink up, "I want to leave and just have this. Sometimes I feel like that's all I need." She said, "That makes me a terrible… terrible person. An awful mom." She shook her head.

"No… it makes you someone who has addiction problems." Dean nodded as she turned to him, "Someone who… just needs some help. Someone to talk to." He said, "It gets too much for all of us sometimes. It's life. Sometimes it absolutely sucks." He said.

"Yeah, I know." Thea assured him.

"But it gets better. And then it might suck again." He said, "That's how it works." He nodded.

"Yeah well I seem to always miss out the better parts." Thea shook her head, "I feel like everyone just hates me."

"No one hates you." Dean shook his head, "No one."

"You weren't there when Cassie was going off. She hates me." Thea nodded.

"No, she doesn't. Your sisters. She's probably mad at you, yeah. But… sometimes people get mad because of things within themselves. She lost a friend. She's upset and wants to blame someone." He nodded, "You have any idea how much me and your dad used to tell each other we hated the other?" He smiled a little, "All the time."

"You guys are idiots, though." Thea joked bluntly as Dean nodded.

"Well true, but there's been rough spots in our relationship. Times where… he's wanted to punch me or I've wanted to punch him. Siblings fight, Thea." He assured her, "And you can't feel sorry for yourself or blame yourself for any of this. We've all done stupid things when we're young. And sometimes, yeah, they come back to bite you but we deal with it." Dean said.

"Just take this away because I'm literally gonna drink it." Thea shook her head, sliding the drink over to him as he slid it away down the bar.

"You didn't drink it, though." Dean reminded her as she turned to him, "No one thinks this is your fault." He shook his head, "No matter what your sisters have said. They're just upset."

"Nothing changes the fact that I should have been here." Thea shook her head, "And I knew I should have been here. Why would I think things would be ok?" She questioned.

"Because that's what we do. We believe things will turn out ok. If not, we'd all be sitting on the edge of our seats all the time." Dean said, "You did nothing wrong." He emphasised as she sighed to herself, "I think everyone just needs a bit of space right now."

"I'm supposed to be the big sister." Thea shook her head. She hadn't hated herself like this since she was using drugs. She just felt like a burden to everyone. It was hard to see any light in this, "I'm supposed to be the one who looks out for them." She said.

"You do look out for them. This… This is just different. This wasn't in any of our control." Dean said, "And you gotta realise that." He nodded as Thea sighed to herself, running her hands over her face.

"Can I give you a hug?" Dean asked her as she nodded.

"Yeah." Thea nodded to him as he turned on his bar stool, wrapping his arms around her as she hugged into him.

"You're no burden to anyone, sweetheart." Dean promised her, "You're so important to all of us." He said as Thea hugged into him, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"What are they doing here?" Cassie asked, walking into the living room where she noticed her niece and nephew sleeping whilst her mother sat over on the other couch.

"They?" AJ raised a brow unhappily with her tone as Cassie looked across at her, "We can't get a hold of Thea. Your dad and Dominic have gone to look for her."

"Well there's a surprise." Cassie shook her head sarcastically, walking out of the living room and into the kitchen as AJ followed her.

"Ok, that is enough, Cassie." AJ warned, "I get that you're upset and angry. And I am so sorry for what happened to Theo. I am." She nodded, "But this is your sister and she didn't mean for any of this to happen. You have to understand that. And now she's off God knows where because she feels guilty."

"She should feel guilty." Cassie said bluntly, "This was her mistakes. And Theo paid for them. Jude paid for them."

"What did you want Thea to do, baby? Tell me. What did you think Thea could prevent in all of this?" AJ asked.

"She could have just… not been a drug addict when she was young. It's that simple." Cassie said.

"That's small-minded, and I know you don't really think that." AJ said, "It's an illness. It's not a choice, Cassie. You were just a little girl when she was sick. You have no idea what it was like." She said, "And then to… to try and humiliate her like that in front of all of us. She'd never do something like that to you-"

"God, she will never do any wrong in your eyes, will she?" Cassie shook her head with frustration, "Or do you just feel like you gotta sympathise with her because she's turning into a version of yourself?"

"I'm gonna pretend you're not saying all of this stuff because I know you don't mean any of it." AJ shook her head.

"Well it's true. Dad's karma was prison. Your karma was Thea." Cassie shrugged, "The drug dealers have… a drug addict daughter. I call that the finest version of karma you'll ever find-"

"You better stop talking. Now." AJ made clear.

"A?" Sofia toddled into the kitchen, rubbing her tired eyes as she looked over at her mother and aunt.

"Hi, baby." AJ smiled, lifting Sofia up into her arms.

"Where's mommy?" Sofia asked sleepily as AJ watched Cassie storm out of the kitchen.

"Mommy will be back soon." AJ nodded, hugging Sofia tightly, feeling her play with the back of her hair sleepily as AJ smiled. Thea used to do the exact same thing.