A/N: Thank you ComtesseAlanna, pallysd'Artagnan, and SnidgetHex for reviewing!

"Fracture"

2390

Rios knew going into this restoration project that it would take a while. He and Raffi were a two-man crew fixing up a freighter on their own. And they were making progress at a reasonable, expected rate.

But now that the prospect of true escape was at his fingertips, Rios was becoming more and more anxious to get off planet as quickly as possible. He worked all day and long into the night, running on this almost feverish burst of paranoia. Yet things still weren't coming together fast enough.

Until he realized he had reinforcements right at his disposal.

"This ship has emergency holograms, doesn't it?" he asked Raffi, sweeping onto the bridge one afternoon where she was working.

"Uh, yeah, I think so."

"If we activate them they can help us get the work done that much faster."

"Huh," she said. "Why didn't we think of that sooner?" She swiveled in her chair and pulled up the systems at that station. "Looks like the basic installation comes with five emergency programs," she reported. She frowned and then raised her eyebrows dubiously. "Including a…hospitality hologram. Need a personal valet?" she quipped, throwing Rios a teasing look.

He waved a hand impatiently. "Bring them up."

She huffed and went through a sequence. "It's prompting for customization. Looks like the system was completely wiped before the ship was slated for recycling." She leaned back in her seat. "Wow…there's a lot of options."

Rios leaned over to look at them. He really didn't care what the holograms looked like…except, he didn't want them looking like regular people—like regular crew members. All of a sudden the faces of people he once knew were flashing through his mind, people he'd led, people he'd been responsible for…people he'd deceived. He didn't want a crew, ever again.

Without conscious thought, he leaned over and tapped the self-scan option. The computer initiated the scan immediately, taking in not only his physical specs, but making a map of neural pathways, personality, memories.

Raffi arched a brow at him. "Really? You want a bunch of emergency copies of yourself?"

He hadn't really been thinking about what he wanted, only what he didn't want, but her comment was like a bolt of lightning. He swiped the holographic specs away from her and enlarged the pattern that would be mapped out on the individual EH programs. Then with a thrust of both hands, he splintered it, dividing it up so that only pieces got overlaid with the five different holograms.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Raffi exclaimed. "You're gonna leave gaps."

He shook his head, not caring about that. "So if Starfleet Security ever catches up with me, I won't be completely erased. Somewhere, even if it's just in some stupid subroutine programing no one will give a second thought to, a piece of me will still exist."

Raffi's mouth moved soundlessly, obviously having no idea what to say to that. Rios spun around and strode away before she could start railing on him for going crazy.

That admission had startled him, and a small part of his rational brain recognized that he had lost it. He'd been growing more paranoid by the day, but he'd thought it would get better when they finally got away from Earth and away from the planetary headquarters of Starfleet. Maybe it was too late though, maybe he'd snapped.

He went to the cabin he'd chosen for himself and replicated a large bottle of alcohol to start downing. The quarters were bare save for a bed, replicator, and the mermaid figurine Raffi had given him. It needed more to make it home.

If home was even possible to find anymore.

The more he drank, the more he started second guessing himself and what he'd done. He still didn't want a bunch of holograms that mimicked a crew. But did he want a bunch of versions of himself? Versions that would know what he'd done and judge him for it.

He stumbled to the computer and remotely pulled up the EH programming, then started trying to manually delete those memories, those memories that had put him in danger to begin with—the memories that had destroyed everything he used to be.

He thought he got most of them from each of the five programs, though he was drunk and his efforts had been a tad haphazard in his manic haste. Either way, he was pretty sure he got enough of it. The great secret and shame of his life was secure once again, and his copies could be the pieces of himself he used to be.

The pieces he could no longer hold onto.

His door buzzed. "Cris, honey?"

He wanted to tell Raffi to piss off but found he lacked the wherewithal to do so. After a moment she simply let herself in.

Raffi sighed and leaned against the door, expression holding not an ounce of judgement or disgust, only sympathetic understanding.

Rios shifted on the floor. "This is what they call a psychotic break, isn't it?"

Raffi crossed the room and sat down beside him. "No, this is just being broken."

They were quiet for a moment.

"I don't want to be me anymore," he whispered. "I don't want to be this."

She drew one knee up to rest her arm on. "I don't know why. You're a pretty decent guy."

"I betrayed my morals, my conscience. The last thing I said to the man I thought of as my father was—" He choked off and looked away. He would never forgive himself for that, for driving the man he loved into taking his own life.

Raffi slipped her hand into his. "No one gets it all right," she said sadly, echoing the words he'd once said to her.

She tugged him closer and then let go of his hand so she could reach up and draw his head down onto her shoulder, carding her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath.

"And you can never be erased because I'll always remember who you are," she added softly.

Rios grimaced. "I should reset the EHs."

"Nah, leave 'em. Although, can I suggest we make a few adjustments so I don't have to try to tell a bunch of carbon copies of you apart?"

His mouth twitched. "Sure."