A/N: Thank you pallysd'Artagnan, SnidgetHex, ComtesseAlanna, and 29Pieces for reviewing!
I've decided for this verse (and who knows, maybe all my fics) that the Engineering hologram would be spelled Ean, not Ian. I know what the show captions used, but I truly feel that was someone in production dropping the ball, given the other EHs have E names. Ean is also the Scottish spelling and the EEH is Scottish, so there you go.
"It's Getting Crowded In Here"
2390-2391
"This really isn't part of my programming."
"Shut up and pass me that power pack," Raffi replied, gesturing to the pile of supplies spread out around them.
The EMH picked it up and passed it over. She inserted it into the conduit.
"If you need me for a medical emergency, I'm happy to help," he pressed.
"Hey, the hospitality hologram is pulling his weight," she interrupted and looked across the deck to where the EHH was hovering over Rios, ready to pass him whatever he needed. From this distance they looked identical and it was trippin' her out. She heard Cris snap,
"Would you stop standing so close?"
"The hospitality program is supposed to cater to such needs," the EMH went on.
"Well, we don't have a medical emergency right now and I need help with this. Be a team player, buddy."
He sighed but didn't offer up any more protest as he continued to assist her.
The tactical EH sauntered onto the deck. He was at least easily distinguishable by the combat vest and long hair.
"Los fásers son operativos."
"Bien," Rios responded. "¿Luego los escudos?"
"Sí, Capitán."
"What's up, now?" Raffi shouted over at them, irritated when they spoke Spanish around her when she didn't understand it.
"Weapons are online and the ETH is going to work on the deflector shields next," Rios explained.
Raffi shook her head and finished up with the conduit she was working on, then put the panel back in place. Picking up her tool kit, she headed down the length of the deck to the stern of the ship to check in on the systems back there.
"Ach, a moment," the Engineering hologram called, coming over to intercept her. "I dinna have the components eh need ta power up the engines. Eh made a list for yoo. Eh wud dae it but eh I canna leave the ship."
Raffi stared at him with a befuddled expression; she'd only gotten about half of that.
"Yoo ken?" the EEH asked.
She gave him a grimacing smile and simply took the PADD he was holding from him and walked away, muttering that the accents were supposed to help distinguish the holograms, not drive her crazy.
Cris wasn't at the station he'd just been working on so Raffi did a visual scan of the ship in search of him. She spotted him up on the bridge by himself at one of the operations consoles. She made her way over and slouched in the captain's chair behind him.
"Are you dizzy yet from all these copies of yourself?" she quipped.
He glanced over his shoulder at her and smiled. "I think it's rather nice. Gives us all something to bond over, a sense of solidarity."
Her brows shot up to her hairline. "Uh…okay. You need anything from the recycling plant? The EEH just gave me a list of parts he needs."
Cris canted his head and made a thoughtful hum. "Nothing I can think of at the moment. But you're very kind to ask."
Raffi frowned. "Hang on…dammit, which one are you?"
He swiveled in his chair. "Navigation," he said and waved cheerily.
Raffi groaned and pushed herself out of the captain's chair. She needed a drink.
She headed down to the lower level and found Rios—or some version of him—getting coffee from the replicator. Though, holograms had no need for coffee.
"You the real Rios?" she snipped.
He paused. "Yes…"
"I take it back. Having these lookalikes everywhere I turn is weirding me out."
"Would you prefer a squad of your copies?" he asked mildly.
"God no." She deposited herself on one of the picnic table bench seats with a slump. "I know we did the accent thing to help tell them apart, but that Engineering one doesn't even speak a real language!"
Rios furrowed his brow and took a seat on the bench perpendicular to her. Before he could comment on it, though, another Cris butted in.
"Oh, you can't do a hard reset!" the ENH exclaimed, coming down the steps from the bridge. "I happen to like who I am."
Raffi stared at him dubiously. "You're him!" She gestured sharply at Cris, then grimaced at the ENH's puppy-like expression. "Sort of."
Now that the two of them were in the same space, the differences between them were obvious, not to mention the ENH's Irish accent was becoming a little more pronounced.
"Exactly!" he proclaimed. "We possess all the knowledge and qualities of the captain. What better attributes for us to serve him with?"
"You're just emergency holograms," Rios put in sourly. "You have a job to do and that's all you should care about."
"And we do care," the ENH insisted. "With all the conviction of a devout Starfleet officer like yourself."
"Don't call me that," Rios snapped, surging to his feet and walking away, abruptly ending the conversation.
The ENH looked crestfallen.
Raffi laid her head down on the table. She was starting to feel like the hall monitor and it was making her head spin.
…
"Miss Musiker, I'd like to talk to you about decorating your quarters."
Raffi gave the finely groomed hologram before her a once-over. Hospitality, she mentally filled in. "No 'Miss,'" she said. "And shouldn't getting the ship operational come first?"
"But you and the captain have been spending more nights here," he pressed. "And it should be homey and accommodating according to your tastes, which I'd be happy to help with."
"I don't have any tastes." She paused as she thought about it. "Just make sure a bottle of Burgundy is on the table at the end of each day."
He opened his leather file case and made a note. "What about the captain?"
Raffi shrugged. "I don't know. Ask him."
"Ah, well," he hedged. "The captain hasn't been very receptive to my overtures."
"Well, you're a piece of him, aren't you? So don't you already know what he would want?"
The EHH sighed. "Unfortunately, I don't have that piece. The captain made some deletions shortly after the initial self-scan—rather carelessly, I might add—and I no longer have certain facts at my disposal."
Raffi frowned at that tidbit. It must have happened that night she'd found Cris drunk in his quarters. Oh well.
"I can't help you," she said.
The EHH sighed again in disappointment and left.
A little while later Rios's yelling could be heard throughout the ship.
"Piss off before I delete you permanently!"
…
Raffi walked into Sickbay after getting a vague message from the EMH about having something to discuss with her. The place was shaping up nicely.
"What is it?" she asked.
The EMH shifted nervously. "I don't want to violate patient confidentiality," he began. "But I need some guidance."
She quirked a confused look at him.
"I've noted the captain's sleeping patterns, or lack thereof. I have serious concerns about his health, but any attempts to broach the subject with him are met with threats of deactivation."
Raffi exhaled in understanding. "Yeah, you're not gonna get anywhere on that."
"I want to help," he insisted.
"You have his memories. You know why he can't sleep."
The EMH sighed. "Yes, and I hate to see him suffer for it."
She gave him a sad smile. "There are some things that just can't be fixed."
He looked genuinely distressed by that notion.
Raffi canted her head as a mind-blowing thought occurred to her. "You really do have his heart. It's not just your programming to care about a patient."
Hands in his pockets, he gave her a helpless shrug. Then he hesitated. "I've observed some of your own struggles. I'd be happy to offer my assistance."
Raffi rolled her eyes and held up a hand. "No thanks. This is actually the best I've been in a long while."
"You're barely functioning," he countered.
"Barely functioning is probably the most me and Rios will ever get," she said ruefully.
…
Raffi stood in front of the Engineering hologram, squinting as she tried to decode his words. It wasn't happening.
The ENH came hurrying over and eagerly offered to translate, he and the EEH sharing ridiculous grins and winks so much that Raffi finally just threw her hands up and walked away.
She made her way to the bridge where she found the ETH lounging in the operations chair, half asleep. Which was ludicrous because holograms didn't even need to sleep!
"Hey!" she barked, smacking his arm.
He jerked "awake" and blinked up at her.
"Get back to work."
He mumbled something in Spanish she didn't understand but it did not sound flattering.
"Who knew Rios could be such an ass," she muttered after he left. It must have been a very repressed part of him. Maybe that was why the ETH was going all out with it now.
Raffi shook her head at what her life had become.
She wandered the open deck and spotted Cris cleaning and organizing supplies with pristine, Starfleet efficiency. That piece was still in him too. Buried maybe, but still there.
…
After several weeks of working nonstop on the ship, Raffi had had enough.
"They should have names," she declared to Rios as he made the two of them lunch. Or, well, as he replicated it. He hadn't cooked since…everything.
"Who?" he asked.
"The EHs."
He shot her a surprised look and brought the two plates over. "Why?"
"Because I'm tired of calling them by their designations."
Cris pursed his mouth in thought. "Is that really necessary?"
Raffi frowned, unsure why he was being resistant to this. "Well, no, but you gave them personalities. Dysfunctional ones," she added under her breath, earning a wry glare from him. "It's only fair to give them names that aren't acronyms."
He seemed to consider it for a few more moments, still not looking enthused, but eventually nodded. "Fine."
"Hey," Raffi called out. "Can all the EHs assemble in the mess?"
One by one they filed in from wherever they'd been working. The ETH immediately slumped on the bench seat of the second table and slouched back against the edge, arms folded across his chest. Raffi tried to resist rolling her eyes. The EEH also took a seat, but instead of reclining he pulled out a tool to polish. Hospitality and the EMH opted to remain standing, while Navigation took the last seat, sitting up straight and giving them his full, intrigued attention.
Raffi faltered as she took in all of them gathered in one place at the same time. It was enough to make her dizzy. "Maybe this was a bad idea…"
Cris barely gave them a second look and continued to poke at his food with a fork.
"Okay," Raffi began. "Cris and I were just discussing giving you each a name. The acronyms can get…confusing."
The ENH perked up further, if that were even possible. "A name? Oh, that would be wonderful." He wiggled in his seat as though tickled by the idea.
"Right…" Raffi glanced at the others. "How's that sound?"
"I don't mind," the EMH replied. "I suppose some would think the act of naming to be a very prestigious event, while others would consider it not so formal, a nickname, if you will."
"Yeah," she cut him off. "We'll go with nickname." This did not need to turn into some big pressure thing.
"Ge bith dè yoo say, lassie," the EEH said.
Raffi almost groaned. "Again, not…" She took a deep breath and let that one go. "I'm gonna ask you to never call me 'lassie' again."
He held up his hands in concession. "Duly noted."
She glanced at the ETH next but he seemed to be barely paying any attention. Whatever.
"Okay." She turned back to the ENH first. "How about…Enoch! Resembles ENH but isn't so…plain."
The Navigational hologram lit up like a kid at his birthday party and clapped his hands in delight. That was easy.
Raffi turned to the EMH next and mulled it over for a minute. "Um…Emil?" Since she was going with a theme and Emil wasn't a far stretch from EMH.
He looked thoughtful and then nodded in appreciation.
Raffi threw a pointed look at Cris at this point.
He gave her a grudging one in turn but shifted around to look at the remaining EHs. "Uh, Emmet," he said, gesturing to the ETH.
Emmet just shrugged as though he couldn't give a flying monkey's ass about it.
Raffi rolled her eyes and moved on to Engineering. "Since we're going with E names, how about Ean? It's even Scottish."
Ean pursed his mouth ruminatively and then nodded. "Aye."
She turned to the EHH last, but before she could give it any thought, he held up a hand to forestall her.
"Mr. Hospitality will suffice," he said primly.
Raffi faltered. "Uhh…" She blinked and turned to Cris, who just rolled his eyes in irritation. "Okay then."
The EHH—"Mr. Hospitality"—nodded as well. "Then meeting adjourned," he declared. "Everyone back to work." He paused to glower at Emmet until the ETH hauled himself up and left with the others.
Raffi shook her head. She was living in a mad house.
…
It was finally time to launch La Sirena into space. Which meant it was also time to deactivate the holo squad. They were all assembled on the bridge, their work complete. Raffi actually felt weird at having to turn them off after they'd been on for so long.
"Can we at least watch the launch?" Enoch asked hopefully.
Cris shifted awkwardly in the captain's chair. "Sure."
He pulled up the holo screen for the piloting controls. Everything was nice and shiny, the top of the line in design and customization, thanks to these very holograms. The engines in the back whirred to life. With a deft turn of his wrist, Cris activated them, and the ship took off toward the heavens.
Raffi watched the atmosphere thin out and finally break away to the vast expanse of space. It'd been several years and she'd almost forgotten.
There was some applause and high-fives from the holo squad, which made Raffi shake her head in amusement.
Then Cris turned, gave them one last sober look, and said, "Deactivate EHs."
They flickered away, ready to serve the next time they'd be needed. It was just him and Raffi again.
"So," she said. "Where to?"