It's the final chapter!
Miku stared down at the large top hat, sitting sideways in the grass.
Miku didn't know why the hat survived when everything else the two women owned had fallen to dust, including their bodies. She thought of Haku, thought of her tipping the hat politely in her direction. She remembered that single, haunting vision of her and Neru waltzing in the silent darkness.
Was it fair that Miku still stood, when the tall women had fallen? They weren't like the other members of the circus. They didn't wish anyone any harm.
Miku thought of Miki. She thought of Lily. She thought of Kaito's howling sob and Len's mournful eyes. Rin's sobbing, the clowns' screaming and laughter. Miku had caused far more harm than the Haku and Neru, hadn't she?
"They had centuries together, you know."
Miku jumped as Mew approached, wrapping her arms around herself. They had managed to find her some clothing in the clowns' trailer – Miku wasn't sure who it belonged to, but it fit alright – but she still felt cold, her skin sensitive.
"I didn't think you still had psychic powers," Miku mumbled. She earned a small chuckle from the older woman.
"I didn't need them to know what you were thinking." Mew knelt forward gingerly, picking up that hat. Her hands, just beginning to show wrinkles, looked very small clutching the brim. "They had made peace with things, at the end. Like I said, they had centuries together. Their lives were well lived, at least in love." She smiled gently at Miku. "Now, it's your turn."
Miku shook her head. "I have nowhere to go! I don't have a home, or a family, not anymore. This wasn't planned. I wasn't meant to do anything but come here and die in this circus."
Mew reached out and squeezed Miku's shoulder. "But you didn't die," she said kindly. "And the only plan you disrupted was Meiko's. As for family … You have me, don't you? I'd say, all things considered, I could pass as your guardian."
Miku looked at Mew with wide eyes. Then she hugged the other woman, as tightly as her weakened arms would allow. Mew wrapped her arms around her lightly, as if afraid of hurting her outraged skin.
"Why were you so kind to me?" Miku nearly whispered it. "Even before, when your mind was … the way it was …"
Mew laughed. "I knew you could be the one to set me free," she said. "And, more … I knew that you deserved it. I knew that you deserved to live … deserved to love."
Miku broke the embrace, biting her lip. "Luka," she said in a reverent voice.
"You two were always meant for each other," Mew pointed out. "It was only Meiko's scheming that kept you apart all these years."
"But … But that's just it!" Miku looked down at the ground. "I know … I know about her, but she doesn't know about me. All she knows is that … that people like us loved each other, long ago. It feels forced, doesn't it? Like we don't have a choice. How can I expect her to love me, knowing what she knows?"
It wasn't Mew who answered. "I know that you did everything you could to protect me."
Miku spun around. Luka was standing behind them, seeming hesitant. "Sorry to interrupt," she said quietly. "I was just … I wanted to make sure you guys didn't leave me here alone."
Mew smiled, handing off the hat to Miku. "We didn't leave you, dear." She nodded. "I'll give you two a moment."
Miku looked down at the hat, clutched in her small hands. She didn't know what to say to Luka, about anything. She heard the other girl approach, but for a while, she seemed like she was at a loss for words as much as Miku was.
Finally, Luka was the one to break the silence. "Was the lady with the hat … A friend of yours?"
Miku thought about this for a moment, then nodded. "Her and the woman with the yellow hair, both. They …" She trailed off, unable to figure out how to finish. How could she describe her relationship with Haku and Neru? Every interaction had been tainted by Meiko, by her effect on their minds. What were they like before?
Luka's voice was gentle. "They welcomed me when I came to the circus. They, uh … I'm sorry to say I didn't really understand what they said."
Miku couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, you had to … It was sort of like reading Shakespeare. The more you heard, the easier it was to navigate."
Luka laughed, too, a bit hesitantly. Miku finally looked up, and saw that the pink-haired girl was crying.
"Hey, no … Don't …" Miku reached up to brush the girl's tears away, before remembering that such a move might be too intimate. Luka did it herself after a moment, with the sleeve of her hoodie.
"I'm sorry about your friends," she whispered.
Miku sighed and squeezed her shoulder. "It's alright." She didn't bother adding Mew's comment, that the two had centuries together. She doubted it would have the same effect for someone who didn't know the women.
Luka nodded and sat on the grass. Miku followed suit, holding Haku's hat in her lap. She picked at one of the bright-colored patches on her jeans, feeling more awkward than she had ever felt in her life.
"… Miku? What comes next?"
Miku looked up in surprise. Luka was staring at her lap, arms wrapped around herself. "I mean … If what you said is true … I wasn't supposed to have a life after this. Neither of us were. And, you know, it made sense. I just realized … I really don't know where I'm going from here. I'm … I'm scared, Miku."
Miku thought hard. She thought about all of the divas that came before her, the pink and teal haired girls who met their end in that tattered brown tent. She thought about Haruko. She thought about all of the people who were brought into this world carrying bits of Miku and Luka's souls. She wondered if any of them, the ones meant to be future divas, were still alive on this earth. She wondered if they realized, on some subconscious level, that their nightmare would never come to fruition.
Finally, she spoke. "I'm scared, too. But you know what?"
Luka finally looked up at her. "What?"
"It doesn't matter." Miku clutched Haku's hat close to her chest. "If we truly weren't meant to have a life after this … Then that was Meiko's decision, not ours. And I'm not going to let her win, after all I did to defeat her. She doesn't deserve that … And we don't deserve to let her."
Luka's face was solemn as she watched Miku. Miku caught her eyes, stared into them. Fell into them.
"So … It's okay that we don't know what comes next. The important thing is that we get to find out."
Luka continued to stare. After a moment, she began to laugh. The sound wasn't cruel or mocking – it was relieved. Miku joined her.
Luka laid her head against Miku's shoulder. She used a floral shampoo. "I may not know what comes next … But I know I want to face it with you. Is that wrong?"
Miku smiled and resisted the urge to place her lips against the top of the other girl's head. She didn't want to move too quickly. "It's not wrong, Luka. I'll stay by your side for as long as you want me …" She trailed off, letting the end of her statement sit comfortably, unspoken, between the two of them.
Until the sun vanishes, and every star falls from the sky.
I will not be offended if you skip this rambly mess of an author's note :)
Well! There you have it. Rotting Camellias has officially reached its end. This is actually pretty emotional for me! I've had many fanfiction accounts over the years, but I'm fairly certain that this is the longest story I've ever managed to complete. It's not perfect, but I'm really proud of myself for having finished it!
But I couldn't have done it alone. I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! You all mean a lot to me. Special thanks has to go to my friend Lynn, though, who never failed to kik-scream at me after every chapter. She's basically my muse, and I can't wait for her (and the rest of you!) to see all the stories I have planned ...
Speaking of that ... I've been working on a Lukamei story I'm going to publish soon! It's called In Persona and I'm really excited about it. It's going to be very different from this one, but I can't wait for you guys to see what it's all about! I guess it is only fair to give Meiko a chance at being the good guy! I really do love her, so it's only fair.
BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LOVED THIS STORY, never fear! I'm not done with this universe just yet. I have a prequel of sorts in the works called Sad Fates, which gives more detail about how each of the circus goers got to be how they were today. That won't happen for awhile, because I need to break and do something happy for a bit, but it will happen!
I hope you all have a wonderful day! Things are getting really busy on my end so I don't know when I'll start publishing In Persona, but I already have a few chapters written so it'll probably happen soon! Until then, I love you guys!
- Jillian Maria