The days after the trial were...hectic for Armin to say the least. Between the emotional high of winning the trial and the quick slap of reality that was dealt to him directly afterwards as he was locked back in his cell for processing, to the simple issue of who's squad he was going to become a part of, a lot had happened within the last week.
The worst of which being when he was told that not only would he have to face relatively constant surveillance from at least one or more persons deemed capable by Judge Zackley at all times but that he was also no longer allowed to attend the 104th cadet graduation ceremony, something he had been very much looking forward to.
And yes, he understood why both precautions were in place as each were both to keep him from slipping away without the Survey Corps noticing, but he couldn't help but feel that the second condition was less practical and more personal.
After all with the first precaution in place he could easily stand behind stage as Captain Levi or Hanji watched over him, as they were both going to have to go to the ceremony with Commander Erwin anyway, and the problem would be solved but no. He'd been specifically barred from going, and thus barred from seeing his friends for what may be the last time.
It was certainly an odd thought. That some of the people he'd known, lived with for the past three years he'd never be able to see again due to nothing but a silly court order that was made with the false assumption of him knowing anything about the Rogue titan.
Well, he supposed that that wasn't the only reason he was upset, as if it were only that Armin knew that he'd be able to see some of them once more when they joined the Survey Corps themselves and others occasionally when leaving the walls or traveling further inward.
No, his reason for wanting to go was far more selfish.
He wanted to see how many of them had made it.
How many people had escaped death only to be told that their savior-and that's really what the Rogue titan was, as much as people tried to deny it-was nothing more than a beast that didn't truly mean its actions. How many of his fellow cadets had been spat on by people who've never even seen a titan as they grieved over their loved ones and cheered for the lives that were saved.
And maybe it hadn't been as intense for them as it had been for Armin, as every single person in the trial who claimed that they should simply sit back inside the walls and wait, as there just had to be some kind of reason as to why the Armored titan didn't break down the main wall this time, reminded him of Eren.
Reminded him of how Eren spent his entire life yearning for freedom, of how he was willing to risk everything in case it meant that he would at least get a small glimpse of what he was after.
They reminded Armin in a paradoxical sort of way, as the more those people both in and out of the courtroom spoke of simply hunkering down and living "calm" lives within the walls the less Armin saw them as actual people and the more he began to see them as the types of characters that Eren would mock, putting on an awful falsetto and saying the most absurd things just to get a laugh.
Or, at the very least Armin thought they were absurd at the time, because as he was transported through the inner city and prepped to head to the Survey Corps headquarters he swore that some of those people were quoting Eren word for word.
It made Armin angry that they would dare desecrate his friends memory by making such absurd statements in earnest, and while he was aware that his anger towards these people was irrational and unwarranted that didn't stop the rage that bubbled in his chest as he had to hear another person talk about how they 'Didn't understand why the Survey Corps were necessary because they already had the Walls in place.'
Thousands of people had died, and will die in order to protect them and all they cared about was the arbitrary amount of tax money that they wouldn't even notice missing.
Armin supposed that they talked this way because they had never actually had to face any effects from the titans (Although many liked to talk about how they didn't want a wave of poor refugees from Trost invading their city like those from Wall Maria had done) and thus were more inclined to think that everything was just being dramatized.
But it wasn't like that made any of their actions and words acceptable.
After all, enrolling in the military at this point was as simple as signing up under whatever name you liked, so it wasn't as if there was really any excuse for not helping out humanity.
This topic was one of the few lines of conversation that he'd only been able to talk about with Eren previously, as even though Eren had struggled to understand the complex politics and interactions between the military and the people, he more than made up for it in spirit and determination.
(And Armin also had the feeling that Eren knew far more than he let on. That he really didn't need for Armin to describe every little intricacy that he found fascinating with society but simply did asked so that Armin could enjoy describing it to him.)
Anybody else that he'd attempted to talk to on the issue either notably zoned out after five minutes (Mikasa) or simply countered everything with the fact that they were rich so they could do whatever they wanted (Jean).
Which was why it was so shocking when he had offhandedly brought up the topic to Hanji while making the final move to the base that they expressed full support.
"It's because they're cowards who're afraid of experiencing anything outside of their false comfort that was created on the backs of the uncomfortable."
"Huh?"
Hanji blinked at him. "Weren't you the one who just asked why none of those rich bastards are unwilling to even think about leaving the Wall?"
Ah...he must have been thinking aloud. "Um, well it was meant to be rhetorical I guess?"
"Rhetorical or not I still agree with your sentiment." Hanji replied, shrugging their shoulders. "They're afraid of what they haven't seen and attempt to keep it that way, leaving other people hurt in the process."
They pulled off one of the water satchels from their side and handed it to Armin, who suddenly realized that he hadn't been able to get a drink in who knows how long, so he quickly grabbed the pouch, pulling the cap off as fast as possible and drinking eagerly.
"I really don't agree with a lot of what they say or do to be honest." Hanji admitted looking over their shoulder nonchalantly. "Which is why I'm taking you to the graduation ceremony anyway."
Armin choked, water spilling out of his mouth and making its way down to his shirt. They were...what? They were gonna take him anyway?
"Isn't that…" He took a moment to catch his breath, "Isn't that illegal?"
"Are you gonna tell anyone?" They retorted, a smirk making its way to their face. "Don't worry, we'll keep you backstage and such so you'll be able to see your friends but won't be able to talk or anything."
"Ah, I see."
Armin was...shocked to say the least. Originally he'd thought he'd fucked up the moment he realized that he'd been thinking aloud but the way Hanji responded made it seem like they were almost prepared-no familiar with the question.
Which gave Armin a question his own.
"Does everybody in the Survey Corps feel the same way?"
"Hm?
"About the people in the Inner Wall and such, I mean."
Hanji put a hand on their chin, looking up thoughtfully. "Hm, well it really depends. Many of the new recruits don't really care, Erwin is nothing but respectful-unless you catch him after a meeting-and Levi, by the Walls Levi hates them."
"Wait, like, Captain Levi? Humanity's strongest?"
"Oh yeah, I can't count the number of meetings he's been kicked out of after cursing out one of the top officials there, and while I agree with everything he's saying, the man needs to learn some tact."
Well that would certainly explain the attitude that he witnessed the night before the trial. At the time he'd simply chalked it up to annoyance at having to be awake at such a late hour combined with exhaustion from the mission they had just returned from but given what Hanji had said, it was looking more and more like that was just how the man was.
"Is it really that much of a common occurrence?"
"Oh my Walls Armin you have no idea. I mean this one time…"
"Did he-did he really throw a bottle of cleaner wrapped in a towel at Commander Nile? Doesn't that count as like, insubordination or something?"
"Oh it certainly fucking did!" Hanji exclaimed with glee. "Normally he would have been thrown in a jail cell for a week but his explanation of 'it was to help him clean up after all the shit that was coming out of his mouth' made the judge laugh so hard that he escaped any serious punishments."
"Well aside from getting chewed out by Erwin, but that happens to everybody from time to time." They dismissed with a wave of a hand, and while Armin still had a great deal of respect for Captain Levi-after all who wouldn't for someone with a moniker like Humanity's strongest-the more and more he heard the less Levi felt like some oppressive force against the titans and the more he felt like, well, a human being.
"Oh, and then I've got to tell you about this one time when he led a group of Military Police through our titan tents-"
"Hanji, we're here." Came a voice from the side of the carriage startling both Hanji and Armin momentarily.
"Ah, Mike I was just telling Armin here some classic Survey Corps stories!"
Mike looked over to Armin, or at least Armin supposed he did. After all it was a bit hard to tell with his hair covering his eyes like that.
"Nothing bad I hope."
"Oh no no I wouldn't want to scare him right off the bat!" Hanji exclaimed, clapping her hands together with a smile that looked a bit suspicious. "That can wait until later."
Armin's eyes widened. What the hell did they mean by later?
He looked over to Mike for clarification but he simply nodded his head and closed the flap of the carriage behind him, signaling that it was time to leave the vehicle and enter the castle but as he was getting out Hanji stopped him.
"Now I know that you're tired, however since you seemed to enjoy my stories so much I'd like to offer you a once in a lifetime opportunity!" They beamed at him. "If you'd like rather than head to your sleeping quarters first I could walk you around the base and even show you a part of my research that I have ongoing, which I think you'd really enjoy and will probably have to see at some point anyway, so why not now!"
They adjusted their glasses, light now bouncing off of them menacingly. "So what'd you say, would you like a tour of our research facility by the Survey Corps one and only lead researcher?"
Armin opened his mouth to respond, ready to accept the offer until he got another good look at Hanji's face. While the idea of getting a first hand look into what was probably some interesting titan was certainly tempting, there was something about Hanji's face that threw him off, something that told him that if he accepted now it wouldn't end well for him.
And considering what Mike had just asked moments prior, he wasn't exactly sure he wanted to deal with that right now.
Placing a smile upon his face he responded, "Ah, thank you, but I think I'll pass for now. I'm quite tired from the long ride actually."
"Eh?" Judging by the look on Hanji's face, Armin would say that they didn't expect to be turned down. "Wait, wait, don't you want to see what we've done?"
"No, I'm good." and with that Armin began to follow Mike into the castle, walking a bit faster than he normally would as he could hear Hanji trailing behind him, begging him to think it over one last time.
Although it had been annoying at the time, currently Annie was thankful that Bertholdt had been one of the people to call witness at the trial because she was almost certain it would have been impossible to get information on it otherwise.
The newspapers about the trial had gone into print the same day the he had arrived back on camp, however not only were they a fucking pain to obtain, according to what Bertholdt had told her they were an extreme compression of what had actually happened during the trial and it's outcomes.
Though she supposed that the exact details didn't matter all too much since the outcome would have been relatively favorable to them regardless, the more information they had the more likely they were to be able to account for any unexpected situations that may arise.
And they certainly needed to be prepared as they had already failed once due to naivety, which wasn't going to happen again.
But from everything Bertholdt had gleaned throughout the trial, it looked as if they currently held all the cards in terms of being able to find Eren and take him away first as it really became clear that even the Survey Corps had absolutely no clue what they were dealing with.
(Honestly though, the assumption that Eren's titan was made to hunt down other titans wasn't all that far fetched, considering that was what Eren had probably built his titan to do)
So with that issue squared away for now she and Bertholdt had both decided to focus on the other current big issue, Reiner.
Annie had thought he'd been messed up during Trost, however what they had witnessed then was almost tame compared to now.
During Trost Reiner while he had been acting strangely he had at least been functional but recently he'd just been an absolute mess.
He'd been spending far too much time on his own, purposely isolating himself from not only the other trainees-er, well technically none of them were trainees anymore-but Bertholdt and herself as well, which was some pretty suspicious behavior.
At first the two had let it be, as most people simply assumed that it was grieving over the comrades that had been lost, most specifically Eren as many were aware that while nowhere near as close to him as Mikasa or Armin had been Reiner had still cared for him a lot.
And that combined with all of the other casualties at Trost made it so that nobody really batted an eye at the fact that Reiner had been holed up in his bunk for a while, and considering the fact that he wasn't the only one to exhibit such behavior made his actions almost normal.
Except for the fact that Reiner knew Eren wasn't dead, unlike the other cadets, and both Annie and Bertholdt had made sure that he knew.
Which was what was making this whole situation so odd for the two at the moment, as unlike during Trost he was currently able to remember their mission, remember exactly what they came here to do and would end up doing and generally seemed to have no problems with it.
He'd accepted and supported every one of their ideas for capturing Eren up to this point and even seemed relatively ok with talking about most of the events at Trost (Bar during the time in which Eren was sealing the wall) yet he refused to leave the barracks and most of the time even just his bunk.
Reiner was acting almost a bad as Mikasa who, after the trial, had simply gathered all of Eren's stored civilian clothes along with his remaining personal belongings and holed herself up in her own bunk, but even she had exited a few times in order to eat or do menial tasks.
But the main difference there though was that Mikasa actually had a reason for her behavior as from what Annie knew she had literally grown up with Eren whereas Reiner should be over whatever slump he was in by now.
Which was really the most concerning part to Annie as she had no fucking clue what could be wrong.
It obviously wasn't the Eren issue and while at first both she and Bertholdt had chalked it up to the guilt over being a part of the fall of Trost, (Something that despite her frustration with his actions she couldn't have truly blamed him for) but there was something wrong about that too.
He was far too comfortable when talking about Trost and some of the people that had lost their lives there for it to be that, and even if he was simply comfortable talking both she and Bertholdt had talked it over and realized that his actions weren't adding up.
When they'd talked with him during Trost he'd been basically attempting to separate himself from the situation, trying to forget his hand in it but when they had met up with him after Trost something had changed.
He had been acting almost...normal for a time, discussing what their next move would be now that Eren was outside the wall and being every single bit the good Warrior he was supposed to be.
And they had been relieved. Finally, finally after all the odd shit he had pulled and said Reiner was back, and maybe what he had done was all an act and maybe it wasn't but that didn't matter. What mattered now was that Reiner could actually pull his weight in the upcoming plan and once more became someone that Annie and Bertholdt could put their trust in.
Or at least he had been.
Reiner had stuck with them during the cleanup of Trost, actually taking the lead for once and finding them new areas to help clean up but it seemed like this was less of an attempt at taking leadership and authority and more of an attempt to keep them close while avoiding the other cadets.
Three times Reiner had pulled them away from an area with cadets already present, claiming that they "Already had enough people so we wouldn't be of any help." even when it was obvious that there were too few people to clean up the mess that had been left.
On the fourth time they had gotten stuck, being called over to help break up, move, and identify those within a titan pellet along the likes of Jean and Sasha. A disgusting job, however not particularly hard considering what else they could have been doing.
But Reiner had been a mess throughout the entire process, hands shaking as he gripped the equipment, and refusing to look anyone in the eye.
It was obvious that something had happened, and Annie found it very likely that, whatever it was, it had occurred sometime after Armin's plan and before clean up efforts began.
Though that was where the issue lied, wasn't it? There weren't any events that she knew of which had occurred during that time period so whatever had happened to Reiner had been personal, something he was still refusing to say anything about for some reason.
Which was why she and Bertholdt were going to confront him on it.
While Annie would have been content with simply leaving him to stew in the weird self-pity he's currently in right now, a part of her worried that whatever he fucked up would be something that came back to bite them in the ass at some point, leading to a possible total failure of the mission, depending on what it was.
(and she was also worried about Reiner, who was visibly tearing himself apart over what had happened, who she had seen falling apart for a while but refused to admit that it was happening until it could no longer be ignored)
But they couldn't do it while Reiner still had himself trapped within the barracks. No, it was far too risky to attempt talking about any sort of sensitive information. They'd already almost been caught once and had only barely been able to play it off because the person who had heard was Connie and Connie is, well, an idiot.
They'd have to talk with him once he was forced out of the barracks.
They'd have to talk to him after the graduation ceremony.
Armin ended up being placed within Hanji's research division, something he learned after he took a very well needed nap, and while this development wasn't exactly surprising it was still a bit surreal to hear.
"Overall there's not too much difference between being placed within my division or Levi's other than time dedicated to research and such." Hanji had explained to him when he had first asked what that meant for him. "With me you'll get to do a lot more hands on research and a lot less cleaning but that's really it."
And while Armin didn't think they were lying to him, something told him that Hanji hadn't exactly given him the full story.
Something which was confirmed once he first entered their so called "lab".
The building itself was just off of the main dirt road, a beaten path leading to its stone entrance which was covered by a surprisingly light door. He could see faint light shining underneath the frame, which he had assumed was due to a use of lanterns along with natural window lighting.
That assumption was quickly proven wrong as he swung the door open only to narrowly avoid a blast of flame aimed in his direction.
"What the fuck…" he muttered as he looked towards the direction of the flame only to be met with the very apologetic face of Hanji as they held up a piece of meat in one hand and an odd contraption with a gas canister on its end in the other.
They placed the objects they were holding down onto the table behind them before they rushed over to him, repeating "Sorry, sorry, didn't realize you'd be walking in."
After looking over his face for a few worryingly long seconds they let out a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness!" They exclaimed, placing a hand over their chest and dropping their head downwards. "I worried that for a second there I had burnt the face off of my most valuable source of information!"
While Armin was still a bit miffed at the fact that he had been less than ten centimetres away from losing his entire face he simply put on a smile and told them, "Don't worry about it, I should have knocked first. What were you attempting to do anyway?"
Hanji's face lit up, and for a second Armin feared that he had truly made the worst decision possible.
They ran back over to the table where they had placed the odd gas contraption-odd, Armin could have sworn they had had a piece of meat on that table as well-and quickly shoved it into his hands.
"This is a little something that Moblit and I like to call a flamethrower and it's a heat based weapon that we hope to possibly use on the titans!" They maneuvered the device around in Armin's hands until he was gripping two bars in one hand, at which point he noticed two things.
One, the bar the was the furthest away from him had a bit of give, enough so that it could be pulled back to touch the closer bar, and two once he did that a small hissing sound escaped from a small opening present on top of the bars and from another opening that came from the container that was behind the bars.
He continued to carefully pull the bar back and then let it return to its original position but for the life of him couldn't figure out how something like this was supposed to produce the flame that he had previously seen.
That was until Hanji gripped his hand and said, "Not like that, you gotta do it quick!" and rapidly forced his hand to close.
He heard a sharp pop and then suddenly a pillar of flame was shooting forward from the top of the bars, going directly over Hanji's shoulder.
Armin dropped the device in shock, the flame dying out the moment he let go and simply stared at Hanji.
'Holy shit.' He thought, 'This person is absolutely insane' as while any sane person would have been at least mildly perturbed by the close brush they just haad with death Hanji just reached down and picked up the flamethrower.
"Hm, I thought it was a bit stronger than that." They stated, unscrewing the gas canister from the back and clicking the bars together a few times. A few sparks flew and a small flame seemed to pop up from the bars, but it was nothing like the blitz he'd seen only moments prior.
Although now that he wasn't distracted by that he realized he recognized the sound.
"Are those bars made of steel?"
Hanji smiled down at him "Ooooo good eye! The outer bits are but the insides are hollow." They pulled the bars closer to their face, unscrewing a small joint that Armin had seen earlier, and popped the contraption into two pieces, handing one of the halves to him.
Just as he suspected, although not visible from the outside, a small piece of flint was present just atop of another smaller gas canister.
If he had to guess the flint and steel were used to make a spark which was then held by flowing gas below it and increased in power by the second gas canister. While the creation itself wasn't anything revolutionary, the design and ease of the contraption had him in awe.
Even if these weren't applicable for titan use it could still be an extremely useful military weapon within the walls, though it was a shame that there would be no way to test them until the next expedition.
"Pretty cool right?" Hanji asked him, clicking the flamethrower a few more times in amusement. "It's a shame that they don't really do much to titans though."
"You've gotten to bring them on expeditions before?"
"No, no, no, that'd be far too dangerous! We've just tested em' on our current captured titans."
Armin paused for a second. Did he just hear them correctly? "...captured titans?"
"Yup!" They grinned, walking straight through a curtain that Armin had previously thought was a wall. They gathered the material in their fingers, pulling it back to reveal a large expanse of flattened ground with nothing but a giant tent and two titans sitting in the middle of it.
He scrambled back for a second, an instinctive reaction to spotting two titans who were just laying under the tent before he realized the extent of their restraints.
Each titan currently had their jaws bolted shut, thick steel cables attaching to the bolts and forcing them to lay on the ground. Their hands and feet were in a similar situation with oversized tacks shoved into the meaty parts of their appendages and joints, leaving the titans to do nothing but squirm.
It was pitiful if Armin was being honest. These beasts could do little more than open their eyes and struggle against their restraints and he had to commend the research team for being able to contain such powerful beasts with ease.
"Cute, aren't they?" Hanji asked him, and although Armin was set to respond with a resounding no, they continued, pointing to each titan. "That one's Sonny and that one's Bean!"
"I see…"
Armin didn't really know how to respond, after all it wasn't every day that he came face to face with two restrained titans, much less two named ones.
Hanji didn't seem to be all that fazed by the situation though and simply walked out into the clearing, saying hi to the numerous other researchers that Armin had missed upon his first glance. Judging by how casual they were with the whole situation he assumed that this was a common occurrence.
Or at least he did until Hanji placed one of their hands upon the smaller titans face, turning back to him and exclaiming, "See, totally restrained."
There was a small bit of uproar from the crowd but mostly from one man who ran to rip them away from the titan, and just in time too. As they moved the titan swung its massive head, something that probably wouldn't have been lethal but certainly could have caused some nasty impact injuries.
"Section leader, you're too reckless!"
"It's fine, it's fine, I just wanted to show Armin my boys!" Hanji complained but they were already being dragged away from the "boys" in question and back to the lab where Armin was still standing.
"I apologize for my lateness, I was grabbing another notebook in order to finish documenting the results for today." The man said and it took Armin a second to realize that yes, this man was talking to him. "I'm Moblit Berner, the Fourth Squad's vice captain. It's a pleasure to meet you and I hope that this one hasn't caused any issues for you."
Armin thought back to how he had almost lost his eyebrows and a good chunk of his face upon entering the lab and, ignoring Hanji's protests said, "No, so far everything has been good."
Moblit let out a sigh at that, which let Armin know that what happened to him was certainly not an isolated incident, and dropped Hanji, who floundered on the floor for a moment.
"As I'm sure Hanji told you already, those are our two current captured titans. We use them in order to test any new materials that we plan to carry outside of the Walls as well as to study overall titan behavior." He explained, ignoring Hanjis "Hey!" in the background. "The tent currently over them is being used to limit their sunlight intake which we're studying the effects of."
Armin tilted his head. That actually sounded...kinda interesting. Although it would be impossible to enact on a large scale outside the Walls, depending on the results it would be relatively easy to build on a small part of the main Walls.
"Yeah and we're also working on sociability! Seeing if it is at all possible for a titan to understand a human!"
Ah, and that sounded far less interesting.
Apparently Moblit found that idea less than optimal as well because he was quick to remind them that no, that was not the main point of the current testing.
"But it could be, couldn't it?" Hanji protested. "And besides we'll have to test that a bit more before our next expedition so we can try and figure out how and if his titan can respond to commands." They pointed back at Armin who was not so happy to have the spotlight aimed back upon him.
Moblit looked up at him and in that moment Armin tried the hardest he could to communicate with his eyes that no, he did not in fact want to be a part of those experiments.
Luckily for him it seemed that his pleading worked as Moblit simply sighed once more and asked, "But don't you have to head down to the graduation ceremony with Commander Erwin? If there's any extra preparations you'd like to make you should probably make them now."
"Ah." Hanji responded, and Armin could almost see the lightbulb go off in their head. "C'mon Armin, you're gonna come help me out with that."
"Wait, why me?"
But Hanji had already grabbed him and pulled him outside of the tent ignoring his protests as they did so.
"Wait, wait, I don't understand." Armin called out as he pushed himself away from them. "Why do you need me to ask for preparations?"
"Oh, I'm not going to ask Erwin for anything."
"Huh?"
"You still want to go to the graduation ceremony right?" Hanji asked, smiling back at him. "Well this is your chance."
Overall the graduation ceremony wasn't too impressive, however it's not as if Armin had expected it to be. From what he'd heard even in a normal year the ceremony itself only consisted of a normal dinner and an acknowledgement from the Commander, but with the tragedy at Trost any semblance of a celebratory mood had been wiped away.
The only thing that lingered was the faint excitement of those who knew that their chosen division would allow them to escape the nightmare that they had seen, and even then that was dampened too.
He supposed it could have something to do with the fact that the most excited people were usually the top ten who would be allowed to join the Military Police but the two gaping holes in that lineup simply served as a reminder of why the mood was so low.
It reminded Armin of the ration lines that he had seen the week after Shiganshina fell, people idly crammed together with what should have been excitement around them but only left a feeling of dread.
Everyone here was a survivor and it showed.
But Armin didn't necessarily care about any of that, what he mostly cared about was Mikasa, who seemed to be doing much better.
He had only been able to get a bit of a glimpse before being pulled back around the corner that separated backstage from front, and while he was annoyed at the fact that his friends, his comrades were right there, right in front of him, and he was unable to even see them, Armin understood the reasoning.
That didn't stop him from making Hanji at least promise to let him see who ended up joining the Survey Corps though.
The whole situation was frustrating-especially considering that he really had no information to give so hypothetically the court order was null and void-but he was glad to see that Mikasa was doing better.
She still looked tired and now a bit thinner since he had last seen her but it had really been the dullness of her eyes that had bothered him in court. She had looked like a zombie who had only attended the trial due to force and had spoken similarly, but now she looked as if she at least had some motivation.
Though it was still obvious that the past week's events had taken their toll on her.
To be honest what he wanted to do most now was simply talk to her, to remind her that everything was going to be okay, to remind her that you can't take something like the death of a loved one all at once, that you needed to take it in days. Baby steps, as his grandfather had once said.
Although if he was being truthful, he really just needed to tell that to himself.
The commander's speech had been short and sweet, shelling out the bare minimum of emotion and giving condolences but to Armin it was obvious that he had been attempting to distance himself from them.
From the group of trainees that he had already sent and was going to continue to send to their deaths.
'It must be hard.' is what he thought as he listened to the speech. 'It must be hard to train up children, year after year, to the best of your abilities and know that they still won't stand a chance against their enemies.'
A sentiment which continued even as he watched Commander Erwin move past him behind stage and out to the front.
And Armin had to hand it to him, despite only telling the truth of the dismal situation within the Survey Corps there was something about the way that he said it, something that sounded almost hopeful.
It was almost as if he was challenging each cadet there to change those statistics, to join and show the titans that it would no longer be this way, that they would be able to make a difference within this hellish world.
Or maybe that was him attempting to twist the words into something that would make himself feel better. After all he had already been forced into the Survey Corps, so it wasn't as if he got to even make the choice.
Whether his interpretation was correct or not it wasn't like it would truly matter in the end anyway. At this point most people had probably made up their minds and something like a quick speech was unlikely to change that, which is partially why he suspected Erwin had made the speech so short in the first place.
"He's really got a way with words, doesn't he?" Hanji asked by his side, snapping him out of his thoughts and Armin blinked at them. It wasn't that he disagreed, however he simply didn't know what to say.
"It's something that makes him a fantastic leader, and to be honest if given enough time and circumstance he could probably convince a whole army to run to their deaths." They continued pushing their hand up against their cheek wistfully. "But it also seems to make him incredibly lonely doesn't it?"
"I'm afraid I don't understand?"
"It's fine, you don't have to. Hell, it's not really something I understand either, but it's certainly something to be wary of."
They turned to him, the playful glint that had previously always been present in their eyes now gone. "The Survey Corps works best as a team, as a cohesive unit. Don't forget that regardless of what's happened there will always be people to support you."
"Ah." Armin responded, but he really didn't understand what Hanji was trying to get at here. It seemed like they were specifically attempting to get a point across but he really had no idea what it could be.
Hanji hummed at him, turning back to look around stage as the sound of footsteps made their way to his ears, most likely from all of the cadets that decided the Survey Corp life was not for them, and while Armin didn't personally blame them a scene popped into his head unbidden.
It was of Eren, standing in front of him as almost everyone turned to scramble out of the area, not wishing to even be accidentally counted among those who truly wished to join the Survey Corps.
Eren would turn back to him and not so discreetly whisper "Pathetic." as he used a thumb to point to the leaving mass and Armin would smack him for his rudeness, reminding him that this was an official ceremony and not the time to bring his opinions into this.
It was an image of what could have happened, what should have been happening at this very moment rather than Armin being isolated backstage, alone and already having moved one step closer to his and Eren's dream. A reminder of what they had lost during the battle of Trost.
But Armin pushed those emotions aside, after all it wasn't as if they would help him any now.
It was Hanji though who truly brought him out of his thoughts and pulled his attention back to the real world.
"If you'd like to take a look now I believe that all of the people left are soon to be your comrades once more." They told him, motioning to around the corner.
When Armin took a peak he was actually somewhat shocked by the current selection. Mikasa had stayed, which was honestly a given considering that he had been shoehorned into the division, but Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner were each a bit of a shock.
Moreso Annie than the others as while he had heard both Reiner and Bertholdt mention possibly joining the Survey Corps at some point, Annie had been adamant on joining the Military police.
Or at least that's what Eren had told him before Trost.
And he couldn't help but wonder what the catalyst for this decision was, as Annie had been decisive with her choice to join the Military police for almost their entire time training, only wavering a small bit a couple weeks before graduation.
(But he knew the answer, he knew it was almost certainly Eren and he couldn't help but wonder if it was truly because she felt that joining the Survey Corps would be the right choice or if she simply felt responsible for his death.
After all, it had been her who told him how to move during Trost.)
Though ultimately reasoning didn't matter and Armin supposed he couldn't complain about having another highly skilled fighter in the Survey Corps.
Almost as much of a shock were Jean, Sasha, and Connie, the three last members and arguably the most nervous looking of all the cadets there, but there was a conviction in their eyes that Armin had never seen before.
Really there was a conviction within everyone that he was certain hadn't been present before and he guessed that if he looked in a mirror it would be within him as well. Trost had changed them, and now it was up to them to decide if that was a good thing or not.
As the group was dismissed Armin moved back behind stage, letting out a sigh as he did so.
"Someone you wanted to leave back in the Training Corps still standing there?" Hanji questioned, but they were back to their normal jovial tone.
Armin gave them a look. "No, its just…" He placed his hands together and rubbed his thumb along his palm. A nervous tick that Eren and Mikasa always used to comment on, claiming that he would get blisters that way. "I just wonder if this was the right decision for them to make. If I'm selfish for wanting them to make a decision that may get them hurt."
Hanji smiled back at him. "Who knows. Maybe it was a good decision, maybe not. Only time will tell."
They pulled him away from the stage, motioning for him to start walking back to the carriage, and while he had gotten to see his friends, the one thing that he had come for, Armin couldn't help but feel unsatisfied as he left.
Glancing back he noticed that everyone else had left, er, well almost everyone.
Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner were still there, although a little more off to the side putting them in a much clearer view for Armin. They were each clearly upset about something although Reiner seemed to be getting the brunt of it.
Despite not seeming to be the closest of friends Armin knew that the three at least somewhat cared for one another, meaning that something had happened between them, something that was obviously a big deal if Reiner was getting that distressed over it.
Maybe Annie's choice to join the Survey Corps hadn't been as planned as Armin thought.
He turned back around as Hanji called for him, claiming that the carriage was getting ready to leave and wouldn't be afraid to leave without him, although Armin knew it was an empty threat. The court order would prevent anything like that from happening.
As they rode back Armin did little more than stare at the curtained windows, blocked to make sure that nobody saw or questioned why the boy who was supposed to be staying monitored at the Survey Corps base was traveling and where they were going.
He understood the reasoning why, but it didn't stop the carriage from feeling closed off, as if it was a prison hiding him away from the outside world alone.
Although in a sense it was.
Hanji was the one to break the silence first, saying, "You know, it's not selfish to want your friends to be with you."
"Huh?"
"About your question earlier."
"Ah, I see." Armin responded quietly. "But it's sort of like I'm dragging them down with me isn't it? I shouldn't want them to be stuck along with me."
"Do you really think that little of them?"
"What?"
"Do you really think that little of your friends that you doubt they are able to make their own choices? You didn't have a choice in this situation but they did, you saw it for yourself."
"I don't...I don't doubt that but-"
Hanji cut him off, closing a hand in front of his face. "No buts. They got to make their own decision which means that you don't get to complain or worry about it. You only have to do your best to support them now."
Armin opened his mouth to protest but they cut him off once more. "And the last time I checked, questioning their placement decision isn't supporting them."
He went to protest once more but stopped himself before any words left his lips. They were right weren't they? Each and every single person left standing there had made their own decision to join.
They had sat and listened to Erwin's speech and heard the statistics and had still chosen to stay. The only thing that his questioning would do is instill uncertainty in them and Armin had seen what uncertainty does to squads.
He'd seen it firsthand with his own squad and never wanted to see it again.
Walls, he really was a terrible friend wasn't he? Wishing for them to join him in a dangerous situation and then potentially making it worse by questioning their own decision.
Hanji let out a sigh as Armin lowered his head in shame. He had been so caught up in his own feelings that he had forgotten to consider how his friends might feel. It was unacceptable.
"Y'know I'm not saying that you should never question or tell your teammates anything right?"
"Yes sir."
"Cut that shit out and look up at me." Hanji told him, leaning forward to look at him. "I'm not speaking to you as your Squad Leader or superior officer right now, I'm speaking to you as a fellow member of the Survey Corps, understand?"
Armin said nothing, but simply nodded his head looking up at Hanji and then quickly glancing back down at his lap.
"Hey." Hanji said once more, forcing Armin to look up at them. "It's okay to be sad y'know. You don't have to hold it in anymore"
"Huh?"
"You lost someone at Trost didn't you?" Hanji asked, although Armin was sure that they already knew the answer. "I've seen it since the trial. Every time it's brought up you speak as if you're trying to avoid talking about certain parts, as if you're trying to avoid remembering things."
Ah. They did know the answer.
"And with the trial and everything expected of you I'm sure you felt you had to force those emotions and thoughts down and be the perfect person the courts expected you to be."
Please don't remind him.
"But that's not how this works is it? You can't just push everything away and forget what you've lost."
Please don't.
"Armin, you don't have to pretend to be okay anymore. It's okay to be upset."
Armin felt his resolve crumple as tears began to pool in his eyes. He hunched over, bringing a hand to his chest as he gasped for air.
It wasn't okay, and it hadn't been okay for a long time because Eren was gone , he was gone and he wasn't coming back and that wasn't how it was supposed to be.
They were supposed to graduate together, join the Survey Corps and go out and see the ocean, explore the world and all of the wonders it had to offer, everything that Eren had always said had been stolen from them.
Eren was supposed to be with him right now, getting ready to make that childish dream into a reality any way they could. He was supposed to be the one yelling encouragements at him and reminding them of why they were here, what they were supposed to be fighting for.
He was supposed to be here and being his brutally honest self, who had no trouble speaking his mind even if he never had the best ideas, and was always ready to speak up for Armin if needed.
He was supposed to be preparing to fight, to take back Wall Maria and see their home again, to move further beyond as they set their sights past the Walls where they had once lived and out towards the places they had never seen.
He was supposed to be alive. He was supposed to be here. He wa s supposed to be here.
But he wasn't.
Eren had sacrificed himself at Trost, throwing Armin out of that titan's maw and telling him to achieve that dream on his own. Armin had watched him go.
He wasn't coming back.
And that was the kicker wasn't it?
That no matter how much Armin cried and begged and wished it was it had been him instead Eren wasn't coming back.
No matter how many times Armin's first thought was to make sure that Eren got the information he did because he just knew that Eren would want to know about it, how many times Armin's first instinct was to try and remember when he'd see Eren next so that they can talk about what had happened Eren wasn't going to be there.
Eren wasn't coming back.
So why couldn't he accept it?
Why did he keep hoping, indulging himself in those stupid little fantasies of what could have been instead of facing and moving past reality.
Why couldn't he just accept what had happened?
Armin didn't know.
And that might have been the worst part.
He didn't know.
And for the second time since Trost Armin cried himself to sleep.
To be honest, Eren thought his current situation was pretty good all things considered.
Despite the struggle of the first day he had been able to make it to the large forest of trees, or at least one of them, and had been able to take solace in one of the higher branches as although he'd never really thought about it before the claws which lines his hands and feet made climbing a breeze.
His time spent up in the trees were relatively peaceful, amusing even, as while titans pooled around the base of his tree and attempted to climb none of them could reach him.
And even if they could Eren had seen how they attempted their climbs, with both arms outstretched and no way to grab him without falling out of the treetops themselves, so while he was resting he'd often sit and watch the titans make their futile attempts.
Of course that was only when resting.
At any other time he was on the ground tearing his new peanut gallery to shreds, something that never got old, and over the course of the past few days he had learned quite a few things about his titan form.
The first was that while his eyesight was absolutely horrific for objects up close and for distinguishing details he could actually see general shapes from quite far away, which was very helpful when attempting to avoid titan mobs, which he really needed to keep an eye out for.
On the first day within the tree he'd gotten cocky, having taken out quite a few titans on the drop down from the tree and not having had too much trouble with taking out the remaining few.
He'd stayed on the ground for as long as possible, going as far as to actively seek out a couple of titans on the edge of the forest before it happened. A mass of titans had come sprinting towards him and while he'd originally assumed he'd be able to take them out, without the element of surprise he'd been overwhelmed quickly.
Before he knew it he'd lost an arm and a leg, leaving him off balanced, defenseless, and scrambling for any tree he could get to.
From then on Eren had been much more cautious, waiting for a good mass of titans to build up beneath his tree before scouting the area and dropping down to take them out. The whole process was cathartic in a sense as titans would continually appear and pathetically attempt to get to him before being absolutely obliterated.
Which brought him to his second conclusion, that there was something fundamentally different about his titans compared to the mindless ones.
While the most obvious of this would be his physical traits, the thing that mostly tipped him off was the fact that despite looking almost the same and supposedly being made up of a similar, if not identical, material to the mindless titans they were still attracted to him, and Eren had a feeling it wasn't just because they could tell that he was a human within a titan.
If that was so the titans would have been focusing their attacks near his nape, attempting to dig the human part of him out, but they hadn't. They just simply tried to eat any part of him that they could get their grubby hands on.
It wasn't really the fact that there was a clear difference between his titan and the mindless ones that was important to him though, it was that if titans were attracted to titan shifters there was no way that the Armored and Colossal could have been surviving outside the Walls.
Of course at Trost he'd pretty reliably pinned down the fact that those two were likely within the walls but there'd always been that small bit of doubt up until now, a small voice in the back of his head that asked if he was looking at this deeply enough.
But now he was able to quash that down. The Armored and Colossal titans were within the Walls and almost certainly either a member of the Garrison or other Wall maintenance as there was no way that they could have been other cadets.
Annie would have told him if there were.
(Logically there was something telling him that he was wrong, that maybe Annie didn't know and it was far too early to be ruling out anyone within the 104th training corp, but that idea was just far too painful for him. It just couldn't be. There was no way that any of his fellow cadets would be willing to commit such an atrocity in cold blood and then live among the survivors for three years. There was just no way)
Which actually narrowed it down to a fairly small group of people and if you knew what to look for it'd be easy to pick them out in a crowd, something as simple as a temperature check would do the trick.
But of course it wasn't as if he could head back and tell anybody this. He'd seen all of the cannons pointed at him even as he carried that boulder to the Wall. He'd seen the fear and conviction in the soldiers' eyes as they waited for the command to fire, the one that would end his life.
Eren could tell when he wasn't wanted.
He'd have to return someday though, that wasn't debatable. Regardless of how the people thought of him he'd have to go back if not for Humanity's sake, then for Armin and Mikasa's as there was no way that he was going to abandon them.
If he wanted to save Armin, Mikasa, and everyone else he would have to go back, regardless of the consequences.
Preferably once he figured out how to get outside of his titan.
Annie had made it sound so easy each time that she had explained it to him but there must have been something he was doing wrong because every time he tried he simply threw his head back in his titan form as well.
Although much gentler this time.
Eren sighed, a small cloud of steam escaping from in between his teeth as he glanced back down at his quickly growing group of titans. It was almost time to launch another attack.
He wondered how Annie was doing.